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Getting Adiva home is a pickle.
She knows everything about the healing process, being a nurse, training to be a surgeon, so she thinks she knows better. That means she doesn’t even want to do what her doctor told her to do.
Which, on Ross’ part, means that there is a lot of puppy eyes in his future. He feels like he blinks five-thousand times on the way home from the hospital. Adiva, still hopped up on drugs, is staring at him, smiling. Eyes drooped, she whispers.
“Ross?”
“Yes, baby?” He murmurs, turning on his blinker.
She lowers her voice, and as if it’s a secret: “I have a vagina.”
Ross smiles, carefully hides his snort. “Yes, Adiva, you do.”
She stares at him. Smile gone. “I do?”
“Yes, baby.”
She looks down at her lap, shifting slightly with the turn, and then after a second there’s the sound of a sob. Ross glances over. Adiva is staring at her crotch, wrapped tight but thick with bandages, a pair of loose pajama bottoms thrown over them. She’s lifted the waistband, slipped her hand in. Cupped over where the incision is.
“It’s g-gone.” She hiccups, and slips her other hand in. Feels the empty air. “I-”
“You did it, baby.” Ross whispers, and her head shoots up, stares at him. “You did it.”
She stares for a few more seconds, up to a full minute, and then- Crying. Ross carefully schools his expression into seriousness. This happened at the hospital yesterday, and the moment he started crying, she cried harder. So, he stays calm this time.
“I did it.” She whispers, looking down at her crotch again. Silent for a while, and when Ross looks over again, she’s staring at his hand on the wheel. He takes it off, offers it palm up on the middle console. She takes it, hand smacking down onto his, just sitting there for a second. Then- “Do you want to feel?”
Ross raises a brow, looks over. Slows down at the red light, frowning. “What?”
Adiva stares at him, expression sober. Serious. “Do you want to touch? I have a vagina, Ross-”
“It’s still healing.” He whispers, squeezing her hand. “But after that, if you want, I’ll touch it. I’ll touch it as much as you want.”
Adiva hums, head falling back. After a few minutes, her hand falls slack in his. He glances over, and she’s fallen asleep, head tilted back on the chair. Lips parted, but not wide open, just breathing softly.
He smiles, looks back at the road, and calls Tobi.
-
“Ross!” Adiva calls, and he walks in, a cup of gatorade in his hand. She stares at him, eyes wide. “Hey.”
“Hey yourself. What did you need?” He sits down on the chair to the side.
A long pause. “Nothing.” She murmurs.
“Lonely?” He asks, picking up a book, already knowing the answer.
“...no.” She denies, and he hums. Passes her the gatorade. She frowns, and then chugs it.
-
They go to the hospital, take the catheter out and vaginal packaging out.
Adiva comes out of their bathroom at home crying. Ross smiles, gets up out of bed, and wraps his arms around her.
They stay like that for a long time.
“I can piss.” She whispers, and Ross snorts. She smacks him. “I can pee without standing up. Or having to aim.”
“Should I be concerned about piss puddles?” Ross jokes, and she smacks him again, laughing.
-
A week later, Adiva sees it for the first time.
Ross kneels at her feet, ankles on his shoulders, and holds the mirror. Adiva stares.
Ross holds the mirror until Adiva starts to sob, and then slowly lowers it, leans forward and kisses the scar there. Adiva wraps her fingers in his hair, and pulls him up for a kiss.
-
“Well, this is-” Adiva’s thighs shift, muscles bunching. Ross watches from the sidelines, tilting his head. She glances at him, frowns. He looks away, back to his phone. “That’s not- ow-”
Ross puts his phone down, knee crawls over to her. Takes her knee, stretches it up slowly, moves it in a circle. Does the same with the other thigh, presses them carefully towards her chest. Adiva goes with it, uncomfortable, until Ross sets her knees down, picks up the remote.
“Ross.” She whispers.
“What do you want to watch?” He asks, handing her the remote. She raises a brow, but begins to scroll, watching out of the corner of her eye as Ross picks up the dilator and the lube. After a few minutes she lands on a How It’s Made episode, and a few seconds into the intro, she hears Ross murmur. “Ready?”
She takes a deep breath in, spreads her knees, and nods.
“You’re beautiful, Adiva.” He whispers, and his hand spreads on her right thigh, pressing a kiss to her knee. Angles the dilator, rolls it in a light circle before starting to press in. Adiva inhales, and abruptly exhales when the angle of the dilator slides in. Ross pauses, stroking over her knee. “It’s almost halfway in.”
Adiva turns, looks down at him. “It feels so big .” She whispers, and Ross smiles, looking up at her.
“I know. But you can do this, it’s already halfway in.” He catches her flapping hand, squeezing. “When it gets totally in, I’ll go and get you some Indian food. You deserve it.”
Adiva closes her eyes, and when the angle hooks around the end of her vagina, she feels her eyes begin to water.
Ross' hand finds hers, finger interlacing. Ross slowly pulls the dilator out, strokes lube around the base of it, and pushes it back in.
Adiva opens her eyes and Ross shushes her, smiling up at her. A minute later, he takes the hands they're holding together, and brings them down. He reaches the other one up, pressing it to the side of her face. Pulls the hijab back forward to cover her hairline, then strokes down her cheek.
"Careful-" he warns, and presses her fingers against the dilator.
It's. Inside her. Inside her vagina.
Adiva stares at her wrist over her hips, fingers softly circling the end of the dilator.
Ross watches her fingers for a minute, the way she's stretched around the tool, and then looks away. Gazes at her face.
She's happy.
Ross feels warmth gather in his gut.
-
Adiva, Ross knows, is happy with him, and with her life.
But she was never happy. She was satisfied with her life, appreciative that she'd gotten to this point where she was passing enough to be recognized as a woman.
But there were always the mornings where she would wake up, and have to put on boxers. Have to put on a special type of underwear to hide, and have to shave her face to get rid of stubble that had grown overnight.
There were times when Ross would kiss her, they would make out, not even dirty and her penis would get hard and they'd have to stop. The mood would be ruined and they'd have to wait it out.
The moments when Ross was able to make her forget that she was in the wrong body… that's what this is about.
Cause there are still years of dilating, hormone therapy and problems that will occur, but it's a vast improvement on what it was.
Now, Ross realizes, watching Adiva walk on her own for the first time after surgery, she's happy.
She looks at him, blushing, smiling, and Ross thinks of everybody who told him he wouldn't stay through this. It's too stressful. A life changing surgery will change a relationship.
Ross tips his head, watches as Adiva slowly sits on the bed. Watches her fall back, laughs when she bounces.
It won't. It never will.
She's the same Adiva, at least to him.