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Genshin Presidents: A Politically Incorrect Adventure

Summary:

Former US presidents Trump, Biden, and Obama attempt to play the game together, but their different personalities and abilities lead to chaos and laughter. With Trump struggling to use his golden laptop, Biden falling asleep, and Obama as the only competent player, they pick their mains and form teams. From Trump's obsession with the large sword attacks of the Raiden Shogun to Biden's confusion over Childe's age, this short story is guaranteed to make you laugh. Don't miss out on the hilarious antics of these unlikely gaming buddies!

Work Text:

It was a normal day in America when Trump called up his old buddies, Obama and Biden, to show off his new golden laptop. Of course, he had to mention how much BIG money his dad gave him to buy it. Obama, being the tech-savvy one, suggested they play a game on it - Genshin Impact. Trump, excited to show off his new toy, agreed without hesitation. Biden, who was half-asleep and dreaming of ice cream, accidentally heard the words and joined in on the fun. Little did they know, this game was about to take them on a wild and hilarious adventure.

The boys gathered and Trump is getting increasingly frustrated with his golden laptop, which he insists is the best laptop anyone has ever seen even showing off the papers it was 'Made in America'.

He keeps hitting random buttons and yelling "Where's the any key? It wants me to find an any key to start it!"

Biden, meanwhile, is dozing off in his chair, snoring loudly. Obama is the only one who knows how to play Genshin Impact and was trying to teach the other two how to play. It was not going well.

Obama chuckles as he watches Trump fumble around with his laptop. "Mr. Trump, I think you're supposed to use the keyboard, not try to insert money into it," he says with a grin.

Trump looks up at Obama, his face turning red. "Well, how was I supposed to know that?" he retorts.

"Maybe if I gave it a small loan of a million dollars, it'll work," he said, trying to shove the bills into the laptop's ports again.

Biden suddenly jerks awake and yells, "What's going on? Where am I?"

"You're playing Genshin Impact with us, Joe," Obama says patiently. "Now, let me show you how to use your character's special attack."

As Obama starts to explain the game mechanics, Trump continues to hit buttons on his laptop, muttering to himself. Suddenly, the laptop screen goes black.

"Oh no, what happened?" Trump yells.

"You probably broke it," Obama sighs. "Let me take a look."

As Obama starts to troubleshoot the laptop, Trump pulls out a wad of cash and starts to stack it up on the table, muttering about building a wall.

Biden, meanwhile, has started to doze off again thinking about ice cream. "This game is putting me to sleep," he mumbles.

Trump looks at Biden from behind his money wall, "Everything puts you to sleep, sleepy joe..."

Despite the chaos, Obama manages to get the game running again, and the three of them start to play in earnest. But every time Trump messes up, he starts to stack more money on the table, muttering about how he'll make Genshin Impact great again.

As they pick their mains, Obama confidently chooses Deyha, noting that she may not be the strongest character, but she has a heart of gold. Trump interrupts, demanding to see Deyha's birth certificate to make sure she is a legal citizen of Teyvat.

Obama shakes his head and mutters under his breath as Trump continues to obsess over Deyha's birth certificate. "It's a game, Donald. It's not real life," he says, trying to bring him back to reality.

"So she DOESN'T have one! I KNEW it!" He slammed the table toppling his money wall.

Trump than grumbles and continues to fiddle with his laptop, muttering about how he should have bought a different one that didn't need all these updates. Clearly it was made in China. America's laptop would have been GREAT. He was going to make laptops GREAT AGAIN!

Biden, on the other hand, seems more interested in the child characters. He selects Childe, mistaking him for a child in his sleep haze, and fills his team with other young characters. As he nods off, he dreams of more flavors of ice cream, causing him to mumble in his sleep. "Rocky Road...Strawberry..."

Finally, Trump settles on the Raiden Shogun, admiring her powerful sword attack. "Now that's what I call well-put-together," he says with a wink, causing Obama to shake his head in disbelief. However he wasn't entirely surprised.

After a few minutes, they finally get into the gameplay. Trump is busy making inappropriate comments about Ei's *weapon* size. Obama tries to ignore Trump's comments and focuses on strategizing with his team.

Biden, keeps picking child characters and is confused about why Childe, who he thought was a child, is actually an adult. Trump makes fun of him for being a pedo and was surprised when the former president added the adult harbinger to his team.

"I thought he was a kid!" Biden defends himself, before nodding off again.

Obama is getting increasingly frustrated with Trump's antics, but he keeps his cool and continues to guide the group through the game.

Biden, who has been snoring away, suddenly wakes up and starts yelling about how much he loves ice cream. Obama and Trump both turn to look at him in confusion as he continues to rave about the joys of frozen desserts.

Despite the chaos, they manage to make it through a few levels before Trump's laptop finally crashes. Trump blames the Chinese game, insisting that it's rigged against him. Obama rolls his eyes and tries to explain that it's just a glitch, but Trump refuses to listen.

"CH-I-NA." He repeats slower holding up his hands to Obama's face pretending he was disabled.

In the end, they all agree to take a break and go out for ice cream. Biden is ecstatic and starts babbling about his favorite flavors, while Trump insists on paying, building an entire wall around the employee with money. Obama just shakes his head and wonders how he got roped into playing Genshin Impact with these two.