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Birb's Posting Hole.

Summary:

Posting smut here. Don't expect length, but do expect something. Post comments for any requests you might have in the comments, for an Original Setting, or otherwise - I might even write some of them! I tend to write from a male POV, but if you have an interesting enough prompt I might write from a female or other POV as well. If you're ace and the representation is ass, my bad, it's only definitionally ace due to lore, I don't know shit about ace people.

Notes:

this one was inspired by hornyposting in discord while taking a bath.
anyway, fuck you vamp, making me have a SECOND WAIFU. MORE THEN ONE RUINS YOUR LAIFU, DIDNT you KNOW

Chapter 1: Ranni Sexo

Chapter Text

You exchanged vows; the blade at your hip proved enough of that. You know your next step is to slay Marika – Radagon; you don’t care. In your esteemed wife’s image, you have a blade to bloody and a reality to remake — a vision of peace and separation from their deities that will hopefully grant this war-torn hellhole peace or at least a truth they can fix by themselves. 

 You stand next to the corpse of the two fingers that guided Ranni’s fate. You smile at your wife and hold her close, an incantation of healing infusing both of you, the cloth and porcelain of even her empty doll body mending. With a start, blue Starfire and moonlight fill the doll next to you, the eyes glowing with life once more. The bloodstained puppet rises above you as your arms fall loosely from her sides, her standing height barely reaching your chest. Her lips quirk up in a slight smile. “What sentimentality. We both know this form is a lifeless doll, a mere physical medium you can speak with to make life easier for you and my unfortunate servants.” Her eyes dull slightly, the painful memories of their deaths all too recent before quickly being pushed away. Neither of you was unused to the ends of close friends - You had long since learned to shove them out, so their inevitable passing became easier. Somehow, however, the both of you had managed to slip through each other’s guard.

 “You have even seen my corpse upon that great Tower, yet you still feel for this shell?”  “Of course. The shell is yours - Filled with memories of you. Even if you threw it away, I would still keep it by my side.” Ranni gives you a rare laugh, her voice chiming like the stars above, a pure, beautiful thing. “Oh, dear consort of mine.” Her words seem to fail her at that. she sits there quietly. You sit in silence together for a long moment, a gentle breeze coming from the caverns’ mouth above. Ranni shifts slightly, and your eyes track her perfect earthenware body, precise movements gliding her blue, flowing dress around her, revealing pale lengths of clay skin.

You gulp and stare longingly at your wife. It feels weird to say that, even internally; She was always untouchable, an ethereal beauty you served while tearing your way through the Lands Between. It started as merely another quest – Another way to improve the world. But after a while, you became devoted to her – She was unfailingly kind, even in her chilly way, mysterious, and incredibly intelligent. Ranni tilted her head oh so slightly.

“You wish to ask something. Do so. My Consort need not hold his tongue, especially not after a service this grand.” You gulp. “Ranni, I wish to consummate our marriage.” She looks even more confused at that. “Have we not already? You hold my blade of vows. What else is there to do?” You gulp. “I come from lands beyond the fog; ah, our marriage rituals usually involve some sort of sexual relations after the wedding….” Ranni lets out a hum, staring at you inquisitively. “You still feel lust, hm? Even though all these lands are birthed from the Erdtree and buried in it, too? Curious. You would have me, even next to the site of the greatest Blasphemy?” You smile at her, nerves infecting your movement – The last time you were this nervous, you were at the end of the Waterfowl Dance. “Of course not.”
You try to find words to explain how flawless Ranni is and fall short. She looks at you before walking over to you, her porcelain feet clattering on the cavern’s stone. She unbuckles your pants – A simple cloth affair to unburden you and allow you to escape the blades of your foes – It is about as protective to a blade as Ranni’s hands, as she pulls a loose tie, and it pools around your ankles. Your cock throbs in the cool cavern air. Rannis’s cold breaths, mere energy puffs, fill you with a sizzling warmth. You whimper as Ranni stares at you, your length looking large next to her tiny head. Ranni’s voice reverberates inside you, every sensation heightened by the exposure and the vision of beauty in front of you. “You wish me to take care of this hard thing, yes? I’ve read the histories of the things people used to do. This much is nothing, for how much you have saved me, let my future come to fruition. I hope you can enjoy this porcelain body of mine, O’ Consort.”
Her porcelain hands glide down to your dick, gently touching the raging red helm of your penis – She strokes down, a single cool finger tracing a cold line down your length. Her other three hands converge on you, her glass eyes glowing with spirit fire as she stares into yours. One hand strokes the top of your head, two gently falling down the sides, sliding up and down, the porcelain skin so smooth she doesn’t need lubricant, a final hand curiously cupping and gently massaging your balls. You groan, barely able to hold back, every second of her ministration a beautiful reward. A gentle smile lines her face as you’re assaulted by all four of her long, pretty hands. Two of them leave your cock, and interlock with your hands. She stares into your eyes and whispers gently to you. “Feel free to ejaculate, my Consort. Stain this doll with life.” With those gentle words, you release, moaning as Ranni sits before you, her lidless eyes splashed with cum, the sticky, pungent goo dripping down the doll’s frame, slowly sinking into the witch’s dress. The doll’s mouth smirks at you, your cock still half hard, as she pulls your pants back up. “Slay Radagon, and summon me to Mend the ring, and you may yet enjoy more pleasures, my dear Consort. For now, I must prepare.” Her soul fades from the doll, vanishing elsewhere as she prepares for her great duty.

     You sigh, your dick throbbing in your pants, still untamed, and full of life and lust.. “God, I wish I spent fewer runes in vigor right now. Never thought I’d say that, huh. God, i really have to go beat the shit out of Radagon now." You sigh, and sling the blade over your shoulder, wandering back into the light of grace, embers of Gold taking you where you need to be.