Chapter Text
“Why didn’t you tell me you were going to be late!” Tony screams at you. You shrink against the wall.
“I’m sorry, I lost track of time. Its all my fault!”
“God! I don’t know how I put up with you! You can’t even look at your watch! Fucking whore!” With a swat of his arm he strikes you across the face with enough force to spin you to the ground. Your head thunders and your face burns where he struck you and you can feel the swelling and bruisings rising already. The room gently spins and your hands grab at the hardwood floor to steady your world. A trickle of blood comes out of your nose. At the sight of the blood he changes tactics. “Oh baby! You know I didn’t mean to hurt you! You just made me so angry! If you hadn’t stayed out late none of this would have happened!” He crouches next to you, resting a tentative arm on your shoulder. For the first time in a long time you get the words past the block in your throat.
“Its not my fault you hit me” you say. “I’m breaking up with you. This is the last time I will ever see you. I’m serious” despite your best effort, your voice still sounds weak in your ears and your heart feels like it is about to jump out of your chest. Tony’s face hardens to steel and you wish you could take those war-making words back. The hand on your shoulder tightens until you can’t help a gasp of pain. “Let go” you say, trying to shrug away and stand up to get some space. Tony stands with you and instead of moving away from him, standing just makes it so much clearer how much bigger he is than you.
“What did you say?” his voice hisses out. The block in your throat is back and you just shake your head, taking another step back but find yourself against the wall. He leans in. “I decide when we are done. You have no say. It is all your fault if you are not happy!” In a single moment of defiance you manage to shake your head no. “WHAT WAS THAT!”Tony screams. Your ears buzz with the sudden noise and the nervous twitch inside you make you squeeze your eyes shut and lean away from the anger that shines in your boyfriends eyes. “WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY? DO YOU WANT TO LEAVE! FINE! LEAVE! GOOD RIDDANCE! Lucky for me this apartment is mine, its under my name. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? If you leave me, you have nowhere to go! NOWHERE! YOU’RE A NOBODY!” Suddenly his hands are around your throat and are squeezing as hard as possible. The pressure is intense and you try to gasp but no air can make its way down your throat. There is a pressure behind your eyes and you can feel the blood struggling against the restrictions to the circulation. Your hands grab his, trying to loosen his grip but you might as well be trying to scratch a cement wall. A flicker of a self defense class from years ago comes to your mind and you scratch at Tony’s face as your vision begins to darken. You need to breathe. “BITCH!” Tony screams as you scratch his neck. The next thing you know is you are on the ground. Air comes finally through your throat and you cough loudly, touching the stinging skin on your neck where his hands were holding you.
Tony is on a rampage, running around the room. You recognize dazedly that he is breaking your stuff. First he has your purse and you can’t make a whimper of protest as he rips out your wallet, takes the cash inside, putting it in his pocket and pulls out your credit card. “YOU WON’T BE NEEDING THIS NOW!” he screams, thoroughly out of control. Then a pair of scissors is in his hand and he cuts your credit card in half. “THERE!” he screeches in triumph. Next he has your drivers license and with one slash of the scissor blades your ride to freedom is also cancelled. He turns your purse upside down, grabbing your phone and throwing it across the room where the screen shattered on impact. “YOU WANT TO LEAVE ME? ME?!” He screams another set of angry unintelligible noises and races to the hallway. You know where he is going. Your room. Your only sanctuary in this strange city away from friends, relatives and anyone besides Tony. Tony doesn’t approve of new friends. You know he is going to wreck your room. It has happened before, toppled desk and mattress, clothing ripped, computer broken. Back then you thought it was your fault. Back then you tried to stop him. Not this time. This is your chance.
Without stopping to think for too long, you pick yourself up awkwardly, glancing over your shoulder to see if he can see you. You can hear the sounds of anger and destruction coming from your room. Your heart beat picks up as you dash to the door, your legs shaking and open the door as quietly as possible so he doesn’t know what you are doing. A quiet sob breaks from your lips and you bite it off. If he catches you now you will never get away. Out into the quiet hallway of the apartment building. It is close to 1:30 am so none is around. Again you close the door as quietly as possible, then race down the hallway, down the stairs, across the dark lobby and out into the city night. You don’t notice you are crying until the chilly night breeze cools the wetness on your face. You take deep gulps to try and stop from breaking down. If he looked out the window right now…
With that thought you start running down the sidewalk. Your bare feet slap the sidewalk. During the day this street is busy but right now you can only see one car in the distance. You run and run and run, barely looking to see which streets you are running down. The only thought in your mind is “away”. You finally stop to catch your breath and take a look at your surroundings to find yourself in a completely different part of the city. A park is to your right, the dim lights of the streetlights making the empty benches look ghostlike. Despite the creepiness, it is better than being back at that horrible apartment and you take a moment to collect yourself.
What Tony was saying was true. The apartment lease was in his name. As was the bank account. Your phone was still back at that place, probably broken into pieces. Even if you did have a phone, who would you call? You hadn’t talked to your parents since the big argument a year ago and even your attempts at talking to them had left you holding an empty phone. Tony had made sure you cut off your communications with your old friends from back home and without your phone you wouldn’t be able to remember any of their numbers anyway. Tony controlled everything.
Your breath hitches in your throat. He controls everything. You are lost in a big city and don’t know how to find your way around. You don’t have anywhere to go or anyone to reach out to. You are utterly alone and any minute now Tony will be out in his car, searching the streets for you.
‘Its hopeless’. you think to yourself. ‘I can’t escape. This is my best try and I am stuck here with nothing to do and nowhere to go’. The fear that you feel dissolves slowly into nothing. No hope. No fear. You sigh. Well, there is one way out. A way he can never hurt you again. The bruise on your face and neck tingle slightly to clarify this. This time there is no angel on your shoulder pointing to a different way, just an inner monologue commentating. “You got yourself into this mess. You can get yourself out. Go find a bridge”.
Of their own accord your feet start walking. You are not afraid. Why would you be? When life is a living death, death is not a foe. You reach a part of the city where the only lights spill from a brightly colored bar. In the block beyond, there is a bridge that crosses a wide and deep river. As you pass the bar, you can hear music spilling out along with the many sounds of voices. If anything it makes you feel more alone and more convinced in your path. A couple of people spill out of the bar behind you, grouping together under the street light.
The sidewalk hugs the cement railing of the bridge, and you walk up the incline to a place where you are sure the drop is long enough. Your bare feet throb in the cold. Even in the darkness of night and streetlamps you can see the water swirling. The cement wall feels cool and rough under your hands. There is a dim streetlight and you use it as a support to clamber up onto the wall. The dark void to the water reaches out in front of you. One hand still on the lamp post you move your feet closer to the edge. There is no nervousness tingling in your stomach. Your eyes lift to the peaceful open sky and your arms lift like wings. You shift your weight forward, ready to fall into nothingness.
Instead, arms grab you roughly around your waist and you fall back into someone. You are still alive. For a second you think it is Tony yet again stopping you from escaping him but the “Oof” from whoever pulled you back onto the sidewalk doesn’t sound like Tony. A stab of rage fills you. So close! So close to escaping this hell! Just beyond this wall is the answer and this stranger has stopped you from reaching your freedom.
“What do you think you are doing!?” yells the strangers voice.
“Let me go!” You cry. You stagger up to your feet and grab the wall again, a knee already up on top when the stranger grabs you again, pulling you down to sit against the wall. “NOOOO!” you scream, batting at the arms that wind around you. “I NEED TO JUMP. I NEED TO JUMP!” Suddenly you are sobbing, red tears of frustration leaking out. The one time someone is trying to help you and they actually stop you from finishing your goal. “I need to jump” you repeat over and over. The stranger is rocking you gently and you notice the manly smell coming off him. Not like the harshness of beer and cigarettes like Tony but softer, warmer. His arms don’t hold you crushingly close like Tony would have and there are no harsh words coming from him. No words at all except a quiet shushing, comforting noise every once and awhile. You realize your eyes have been squeezed shut since your second unsuccessful attempt at jumping. Your sobs have died down now, although tears still stream from your eyes. You open your eyes to see the person who was holding you and are surprised to see there is a group of people surrounding the two of you. Worried faces swim through the tears. The man holding you has dark hair and is wearing a red flannel shirt. A woman is crouched down next to the two of you and is holding out a water bottle.
“Drink this, honey” she commands. Her motherly tone reminds you of your own mother and the tears come faster and you start shaking. Or maybe you have been shaking this whole time and have only now realized it. The man holding you takes the water bottle from the woman and offers it to you. Feeling the eyes of the group of strangers on you, you hesitantly take a sip. The cool water traces a calm trail through you. You can’t stop shaking. The moment to jump is over and you have no idea if it will present itself again. Right now, even the thought of Tony searching for you can’t make you feel much at all. Your body humms with sleepiness and exhaustion. The man with his arms around you relaxes his hold slightly. “If I let go, are you going to try to jump again?” he asks. His voice is soothing even though a worried note threads through it. You slowly shake your head no, resting your exhausted head against the railing/wall you were so eager to jump over. You are so very tired. The man changes positions, kneeling at your side. “What’s your name?” He asks softly. You don’t answer. Your name is not important. You just want to sleep but these strangers are keeping you awake.
“Honey, do you have anyone we can call for you?” the woman who offered the water asks. This time you shake your head no, and that movement causes fresh tears to form in your eyes. you take a moment of self-reflection and realize you must look like utter crap. “Do you have anywhere to go?” She asks. You shake your head again, staring past the group of people. You know besides the man who still had his arm around you and the woman crouched at your side that there are several more people, loosely surrounding you as if you were the epicenter of an earthquake. Normally this amount of people focused on you with the attention people usually reserve for car crashes would make you feel uncomfortable but with your body still shaking and the cold night air around you, you feel oddly dissociated from yourself.
A few raindrops fall from the sky and the mood of the group subtly changes. “She’s freezing” the man says to the group and he glances at your bare feet. You realize your teeth are chattering. The rain grows steadier and you realize that with your t-shirt and shorts you have no protection from the cold. ‘Maybe I can just freeze’, you think, exhausted.
A new voice speaks up from the circle, who you guess is a group of friends. “If she has no place to go, we could bring her back to our place. We can’t leave her out here”. The woman nods solemnly. You can feel the group looking at you but are not sure if they are looking for confirmation of disapproval. You still feel surprisingly nothing. Maybe a slight curiosity at why these strangers would think about giving you a place to stay.
As if realizing you are not going to make the decision for them, the woman speaks up and takes charge. “Alright sweetie, you are coming back with us, Okay?” You sit there mutely. They mean it. They are going to give you a place to stay for the night. A sense of gentle wonder creeps up and a new batch of tears leaks out of your eyes. You give a single nod. “Okay” she says to the group. “Wade, go get the car. The rest of you meet back at the house.” With a sense of purpose the group breaks up except for the woman and the man on either side of you. “Stand up honey” the woman tells you, and with a hand under your elbow she tugs at you. The man next to you stands up slowly. Your eyes feels like sand but your body is still shaking horribly. The cold rain dashes against your skin. Your knees are weak and you have to grab the man next to you as you start to fall.
“Easy now, careful!” he says. In the dim streetlight you can hardly make out their faces. A car pulls up and the woman and man lead you towards it. You send one shaky look back to the railing of the bridge. You could still jump. No more confusion. No more pain. No more worries. “Come on honey,” the woman voice says. You notice the mans hand holding your arm got just a little tighter to make sure you don’t try to make a break for it. He accidentally brushes an old bruise and through your chattering teeth you hiss in air just a bit. They help you into the backseat. It is a really nice car. the woman buckles you in as if you were a child again before slamming the door. She sits next to you in the backseat and the man joins the driver in the front. you rest your head against the headrest and close your eyes as the car starts to move.
You wake suddenly when the car rolls into a driveway. There is a house there. it takes you a second to remember who you are with as the woman chimes softly “we’re here”. Your shaking has mostly stopped but your fingers and toes are numb with cold even though you are sweating slightly. You manage to unbuckle your own seatbelt but your door is opened by the man wearing flannel. He helps you out of the car, and in your tired state you don’t mind really. Your knees are still weak. “My name is Mark by the way”, he says as you head up with him an the other two towards the cheery looking house, your naked feet cold enough to not feel the roughness of the pavement. The door is opened and you stumble inside. You close your eyes agains the cheery light that greets you, too bright compared with the dark of the night. You hear a startled breath from the man called Mark as he can clearly see your face for the first time and the bruises that come with it. “What happened?” he asked.
The woman nudged him and scolded “questions later, we need to warm her up or she is going to get hypothermia”. You squint around through the brightness to see an open entryway that led off the a living room on one side with stairs up to a second floor on the opposite wall. Through another doorway You can see what you assume is the kitchen. The same group as before was standing there again, staring. This time you feel a bit self-conscious. The woman leads you across the entry-hall, and up the stairs. Another woman detaches herself from the group to join. Mark tries to follow but the first woman tells him firmly “ we need to get her changed into a dry set of clothes. I think you should wait down here.” He nods and you follow the women sleepily up the stairs and into a soft room. It is hard to concentrate, even given the strange room and somehow you find yourself in a foreign but large and warm shirt, a pair of warm sweatpants and fuzzy purple socks. The two women have you drink a glass of water and have you lay down in a twin size bed that was in the room. They cover you with the quilt. You have a moment to think that this is the most comfortable bed in the world. Before the lights are even off, you are off to dreamland.