Chapter Text
Namjoon kept looking at the walls, at the pieces of art that were now associated with the most fond and strong staple in his life. He kept looking, and reminiscing.
Song : Ever Since New York by Harry Styles.
♪♪♪♪
New York, October 2018
Namjoon was exhausted. The tour was as thrilling as a tour can be, and he loved performing in front of so many people who actually liked his art, his texts, what he had to say as the most famous k-rapper : RM. But it was so exhausting to change places over and over again, and something he would never admit out loud even if it was a constant burden in his life, he felt so lonely . Sure, he had his manager, staff, even the fans he performed in front of, but did he actually feel like he was understood, deeply understood by them? He never did. And he also thinks he never will be.
Finding someone who understands you is hard, he knows that, it's basically impossible to find someone who gets you completely. Even if he knows that, he can't help but feel lonely and misunderstood, which worsens every time his mind wanders, which happens a lot.
He was sprawled out on the couch of his hotel room, he had another concert the night before and didn't get much sleep, as it ended late and his mind kept him up even later. He was looking at the ceiling, and he was asking himself what he could do. They were going to stay in New York for a few days before flying to Boston for their last concert of the US branch of his tour. He hadn't had free time in so long that he didn't know what to do.
He wanted to sleep at first, but his mind was racing too much. He wasn't hungry right now either. What time was it even? He turned his head to look at the time on the clock that was making the only sound in his room. 3:39pm. He sighed. He could work out maybe? Just thinking about it, his exhausted body ached. He could take a walk? Now this was something he wasn't against. He slowly got up, stretched, and got dressed. He put on a nondescript white jumper over his pajama shirt, sue him, no one is going to see it anyway and he was lazy at the moment. He chose a random pair of dark blue baggy jeans, hoping to look as average as possible. He wasn't as famous as say, Harry Styles, but one can never be too cautious, he couldn't deal with being recognized right now. He hesitates before putting on a black baseball cap and a mask just in case.
He put on his white air force one, took his satchel bag and checked for his wallet and everything else, then he went out.
When he got out of the lobby, a slightly cold breeze welcomed him. It wasn't cold enough for him to shiver, it was the kind of cold you accept with great pleasure. He started walking around, setting a slow pace, and started to unwind. He felt his thoughts disappear as he crossed multiple strangers he'll never see again. People who have their own lives, families, problems... People who weren't looking at him, people who were deep in thoughts, people who were going out and to work. That made him feel less lonely. He was still alone, but at the end of the day, everybody was, that’s just how life is. Not that it's easy to accept, but it's just the way it is.
He kept wandering around, walking a bit through Central Park because he's never taken the time to do it before for a reason he still can't find. He's been to New York 4 times already, but he's still never been to that giant park in the middle of the city. He enjoyed his stroll when he felt the wind pick up a bit, making him shiver, but he still tried to appreciate the sound of the leaves brushing against each other and the crunch of them under his shoes. The colors of it all seemed almost magical, he truly loved autumn. Autumn always inspired him. He always thought that there was something different in the air when autumn came. He also loved the rain; he even wrote a whole song about it. Rain did make him feel less alone, it brought him endless comfort. A friend that comes by from time to time.
After some time, he got out of the park and realized he was kinda lost.
He searched for his phone but he couldn't find it. He started to panic and he looked everywhere, he looked around to see if he might've dropped it. That's when he remembered where it was : on his night stand in his hotel room. He checked for everything before going out except for his phone. He sighed helplessly and decided well, he's going to need to find his hotel again one way or another.
He begrudgingly started to walk again in a random direction, a bit upset about the outcome of his stroll. He felt like the world was against him. His last straw was when it started pouring, leaving him groaning loudly on the street as if no one was around. He loved the rain, yes, but this time the timing wasn't right. Phone-less, umbrella-less, friendless, nothing was right.
He ran a bit until he found a modern looking building where he could wait under the front door. He was panting a bit and his mask didn't make it easier as it was soaked because of the heavy rain. He took it off with way more force than he should, as well as his soaked jumper, he was already shivering anyway so it wasn’t so different with or without.
He was angry now. What did he do to the universe that it hates him so much? He wanted to take a break, have a great moment, and this is what happens? He leaned against the wall and sighed again, head down. He closed his eyes for a second and took some deep breaths.
In, out. In, out. In, out.
That's when he heard it. Above his heavy breaths, he heard the door of the building opening and a gentle but strong enough voice to be carried through the rain asking him "Are you okay?"
Namjoon turned his head towards the voice, not really knowing if they were addressing him or not. He was half expecting to not be the subject of the question, as there were other people around him, but no. The person asked the question to him. And what a person it was...
He swears he's never seen such a beautiful human being before. There's no way he could've, at least not in real life. The man who talked to him had the kindest eyes, genuine worry written all over his face, even if he didn't know who he was. He had a beautifully structured face with a pair of lips you could only dream to have. He looked like a doll. He looked perfect.
Even his hair was perfect : slightly wavy, a warm shade of brown. He was wearing a simple white t-shirt tucked into black dress pants. He was wearing the same shoes as Namjoon was at the moment, although Namjoon's were very dirty in comparison to the other man's because of the rain. Namjoon was wondering why he was just wearing a t-shirt in such weather, when his eyes caught on the little badge on his shirt, it said :
Seokjin / 석진 with an American flag and a Korean flag under it. Wait, where did Namjoon stop again? He was about to look at the place he stopped at when he made eye contact with the other man. His expression changed slightly, he looked kind of amused. That's when Namjoon realized he hadn’t answered his question and was just gaping at him.
"Ah... Yes, uh yeah I'm okay"
That's also when Namjoon became hyper aware of how he looked like right now.
He was gaping at the man, he had some stubble that he hadn’t bothered with, since he was relying on his mask, he also hadn’t washed his face, and his pajama shirt was indeed seen by everyone else and whilst there's nothing wrong with Winnie the Pooh, well... He was a grown ass man so it's weird to have it on his shirt.
He coughed slightly, kind of embarrassed by the situation. Then he remembered, he still didn't know where he was. He lifted his head and saw in big font : "The Museum of Modern Arts", and now it made sense how the man in front of him was in a simple t-shirt with a name tag on. He surely worked there.
Namjoon answered him in English and now he felt dumb because the Korean flag underneath the other man's name clearly indicates that he spoke korean too. He looked at the floor again, regaining what was left of his ego and said again, this time in korean :
"I'm okay."
Seokjin, who still had a fully amused expression on his face, seemed surprised by this, but it didn't last long before a big smile broke on his face. Namjoon felt his heart weaken.
Even his smile was perfect. It shined through the shitty weather, it brought warmth to his cold body and that's when his body decided to shiver, reminding him that he was standing outside on a rainy October day with only a t-shirt on. Although he didn't know exactly if he shivered because of the rain or the man in front of him, but he didn't have time to think about anything before Seokjin took him very gently by his wrist and brought him inside. Namjoon felt the warmth of the place embrace his body but he also found that he preferred the warmth of Seokjin's hand on his wrist. He mentally shook that thought because, yeah, the man was devastatingly pretty but he also might be a total ass. Never judge a book by its cover.
…Though he came to see if he was okay even if they didn't know each other and he brought him inside when he saw him shiver... Hush mind, that doesn't mean he still can't be an ass.
"So you speak korean as well..." Seokjin said to break the silence that was brought again. He giggled a little and Namjoon decided to add this sound to the list of perfect things that thisperfect man has.
"We don't get a lot of Korean visitors this time of year, it's good to be able to speak it again with someone" he finished with a smile.
"Ah well... I'm glad to be that someone" Namjoon said, not really knowing what to answer. Though he realized he really meant it. He really was glad to be that someone. He had a shitty day but this stranger in front of him brought his world to a new axis again. Seokjin didn't respond to that, but Namjoon noticed that his ears turned a bit red. Probably from the cold outside...
"You know, I thought you were having a panic attack" he said with a breathless laugh.
Namjoon was taken aback. Did he really look that desperate?
"You know, you were breathing heavily and all" he continued.
"Ah uh yeah no I wasn't... Thanks for checking in on me though. I was just... I was having a walk around the city then I realized I forgot my phone in my room since I got to be so forgetful all the time obviously and then it started raining and I really think the universe is against me right now but uhh" Namjoon realized he was rambling. Rambling in front of this pretty guy. He coughed and cocked his head to the side, admitting his defeat.
"...Well... You could borrow my phone if you need to call a cab? But maybe... If you like museums, could I give you a tour?" Seokjin said, the end of his phrase a lot quieter than the rest. He seemed shy, like he didn't know where to put himself, or if he had the right to ask. Namjoon looked straight into his eyes and they stared at each other for a while. He couldn't tell you how much time passed while they stared into each other's eyes. But Namjoon couldn't get enough of them : they were beautiful, they held galaxies, and they were so inspiring to him. He made a mental note to write something about it in his lyrics book.
Back to reality though. Was he up for a guided tour through one of the most famous museums of the world even if he’s not that into museums? Frankly, he was exhausted, so he was kind of tempted to say no. But Seokjin looked so shy and open and Namjoon just couldn’t say no. So he nodded with a big smile on his face. He saw Seokjin looking down at his face, probably at his dimples, then he smiled too and led the way. Namjoon shook off some more of the rain, then paid for a ticket. Only then, the prospect of a whole guided tour now that he paid for it just made him even more tired. He quietly called for Seokjin.
"Ah, Seokjin-ssi"
"Yes?" Seokjin responded, turning around.
"I don't have a lot of time ahead and I'm kind of tired so... Is it possible maybe to focus only on one part of the museum?"
Seokjin smiled again. God, Namjoon is going to die on the spot. He also needs to write about it in his lyrics book.
"Of course..." he trailed off, showing he realized he didn't know Namjoon's name yet.
"Namjoon."
"Of course Namjoon-ssi. Tell me where you want to go, I know basically everything in there so you have the freedom to choose."
"Well, on the contrary, i don't know anything about this place so, maybe you could choose for me?" he asked hesitantly. This seemed to bring Seokjin's big smile again.
"Sure!"
They walked in silence for a while, until they arrived at the second floor. Namjoon took that time to look at the other man every once in a while. He seemed to carry himself with such confidence he didn't know it was possible until now. He seemed so at ease with himself and his surroundings that Namjoon was amazed. Seokjin really knew his way around, he was really confident in where he was bringing Namjoon to.
They arrived in "The Sum of all parts" room. A few artworks were displayed, all in different shapes and forms, but they were mostly installations and sculptures. Namjoon looked around curiously, and he felt Seokjin looking at him. He looked back at him and saw him averting his eyes with a smile. Then he started explaining the meaning of the room and its art pieces. Namjoon listened carefully to what the other man was saying.
The room was dedicated to art related to minorities and social injustice, from racism to the AIDS crisis in the 80's. They all had their meanings and their different ways of showing their political views, but one installation really struck Namjoon.
It presented multiple detailed pictures of body parts : eyes, mouths, hands, all mounted and attached with brown strings. It reminded him of what he was thinking about earlier, how all people lead different lives, but now he was thinking about the fact that they're not so different after all, he's not so different. People were still people in the end. So, was he that misunderstood?
"And that shows how people can understand each other and join on the same cause, that's how they can not be "misfits" anymore." finished Seokjin, following his exact train of thoughts. Sure, he kind of stopped listening to him when he saw the artwork in front of him, but he thinks he values his last phrase the most. He turned his head towards Seokjin and made eye contact with him again. He tried telling the things he couldn't say through his gaze and he hoped Seokjin understood what he meant.
"Thank you for showing me this... It really helped me. Thank you truly" he said, the only words he could muster in that moment.
Seokjin looked a bit flustered and he shrugged lightly, a shy smile on his face. Namjoon felt his heart clench again, so he coughed slightly and hesitantly said "I should probably go though, thank you for the small tour". Namjoon thought he might've imagined it but Seokjin looked disappointed. Despite this, he nodded and led the way towards the exit again.
Once they were both in the lobby, Seokjin spoke.
"Want me to call you a cab now? In view of your whole situation" he said with a little giggle. Namjoon laughed sheepishly and nodded. The other man called him a cab, and once it arrived and Namjoon went towards the exit, Seokjin spoke up again.
"See you soon maybe ?..." he said, unsure.
Namjoon turned to the man with a smile.
"Surely. See you soon Seokjin-ssi. Thanks again for the cab" he bowed slightly then turned towards the exit again, missing the disappointed look on Seokjin's face.
- He got back to his hotel room, the price of the cab making him wince slightly though. He unlocked his room door and collapsed on his bed, the exhaustion from earlier catching back up to him. One thing never left Namjoon’s mind though : Seokjin. His beautiful face, his kind demeanor and personality, and what he showed to Namjoon. How did he know exactly what he needed to see at that moment ? Sure it was a coincidence, but he just couldn’t stop thinking about how that mysterious beautiful man just popped out of nowhere and eased his thoughts that easily. He started to smile while he thought of going back there tomorrow, well rested and ready for a full tour of the museum. He reached for his phone to check the time then he saw a few missed calls and texts from his manager. He got a bit worried, and opened the messages quickly, feeling his heart drop slightly after reading them.
Manager Sejin
04:15pm
Hi Namjoon, figured you’d be out or sleeping
Our flight to Boston was canceled and the only one we can take to be on time for the concert is tomorrow.
04:15pm
I know you wanted to rest a bit here but you’ll be able to do that in Boston.
04:17pm
Oh also the flight is at 10am, you better be awake at 8 at least!
There goes his plan for a full tour of the museum with Seokjin. He didn’t know why it hurt him this bad. Wait, what was he thinking ? Maybe Seokjin wasn’t even going to be there tomorrow, maybe he didn’t even want to see Namjoon again. Why would he out of everyone want to see a grown ass man with a Winnie the Pooh shirt and dirty shoes, soaking wet and rambling about his stupid life.
He sighed and put his phone back on his night stand after putting an alarm at 7:55, 8, 8:05, and 8:10, because he can’t trust only one alarm with his current state of tiredness. He laid down in his bed, contemplating his life choices. The slight uneasy feeling of regret installed itself in Namjoon’s heart. He decided to ignore it. He got up, took a quick shower and brushed his teeth. He put on another pajama he packed up with him, a cozy fluffy one. That made him feel slightly better, even if it was a bit childish.
He didn't really care that it was still early, he got into his bed, wrote some stuff in his lyrics book that went along the lines of gentle breeze, autumn, warm eyes and perfect smile. He didn’t forget to plug his phone after that, and then he went to the world of slumber.
Next morning, he woke up in a haze by his third alarm, only slightly remembering his dreams being filled with holding hands and kissing a pretty face, a pretty man’s face. He couldn’t remember who it was though. He got up and prepared himself still in a haze, he was on autopilot and it was only when he was boarding his plane that he really realized what he was doing, where he was, who he was. Maybe he had slept too much because this was a weird feeling.
He sat down in his seat with a groan and closed his eyes. Seokjin’s face appeared instantly in his mind and he felt the uneasiness of regret come back again. He didn’t get the time to linger on that feeling as the plane already started to take flight. He attached his seatbelt and waited for the plane to get higher. As many times as he had flown in a plane in his life, he still wasn't used to the feeling of the plane taking flight. He took a breath to steady himself and looked through the window. He could already see the city under him, and he kept thinking about Seokjin, Seokjin, Seokjin. He asked himself if the other man thought of him too. He doubted he did, or even if he did, it was just for the memory of the weirdo who paid for a ticket only to see one room. God, what a hit that would be to his reputation.
Wait.
Did Seokjin know who he was? Did Seokjin realize that he was RM ?
He wasn’t wearing a mask anymore so he saw his entire face. Oh god.
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