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"Step right up folks, step right up. Come one come all! Come see the strange, the beautiful, the spectacular, and the impossible- all under one roof. Come see the half man/half woman! Come see a real live unicorn! Come see the shortest man in the world! Come see the tallest woman in the world! The fattest man you'll ever see alive is right through here! Test your strength young men! See if you can lift as much as our very own strongmen! We have it all, right here!"
They'd come, in their heavy leather shoes. They'd trample any stubborn stalks that had managed to stand through the raising of the tents and the walking and grooming and feeding and settling in of the animals. They'd come, and with big eyes and open mouths they'd gaze at the pony who'd had a goat's horn attached to its head. They'd stare at Marina (Natasha), with her bright blue eyes and pearly pale skin and her very real gills. Marina would stare back, pretending to long for the sea, but really mostly just remembering how much those high collars had scratched and stung when she was young, and how much the other children's words had stung as well. The fake fish tail would sparkle (sequins and glass beads) and she'd drape herself in the tank, and she'd bend her neck just so- so you could see her gills and the water would come just up to her chin, and if you were them you'd believe she really needed it to breathe.
Not because you'd believe anything, but because you wanted to believe tonight. You paid good money to believe.
If you were the tallest man there, you'd stand next to the tallest woman- naturally tall and made more so by any advantage we could think of from lifts in her shoes to a slight slope in the floor. If it weren't for grabby children, she'd be on stilts.
The fat man really was fat and the short man really was short- there aren't a lot of ways to fake being short and everyone always wanted to see the fat man's belly. Some even insisted on touching it.
The bearded lady, we had a bearded lady for a while, she was completely fake. Just some strong glue and some hair from some chestnut horse's fetlocks. She eloped and never looked back.
We had sharp shooters and trick riders and clowns and anyone else we could scrounge up who had an act and who'd sign a contract.
Me, I was billed as the man who couldn't die.
"Step right up folks step right up. You have to see it for yourselves or you'll never believe it! See the man who can't die shoot himself in the head. See the bullets for yourself, just peer right in there and check the chamber. Now stand back, give him some room..."
And boom.
Some blood, some smoke, some broken bone. A bit of grey matter, maybe some skin or hair.
They might have screamed or stepped back. I was told they sometimes did. I know they sometimes fainted.
Slumping. And then, a gasp and, snap. I'm back. Smiling in fact.
My mouth is smiling. I'm grinning like a showman. Like it's all just an act.
But it wasn't.
I was as real as the fat man.
"Step right up folks, step right up!"
My poster was as big as any there.
I was hidden in plain sight, just waiting for the night he'd come. He'd see the poster, pay a nickel, hell I'd have got him in for free, and then he'd fix me.
But he never came.
So every night, I'd shoot myself in the head again.
Where do you hide a red herring? In a school of other red herring.
Where do you hide a freak?
I had as many reasons as ever to hide, but I never tried to hide from him.
I really thought…
I really wanted him to come.
But he never did.
Too many planets and galaxies to save first.