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“You despise me don’t you”
“Despise is a strong word, Suguru”
“You hate me.”
“I could never hate you.”
“Promise me. That you will pretend to love me one last time. I want to remember you that way”
“There’s no end to my love for you, my moon.”
“Don’t, don’t call me that.”
“Forgive me.”
“Will you?”
“I cannot find a reason for you to think that I will ever stop. Loving you.”
“But I will. You know I will.”
“I know.”
“It is selfish of me, isn’t it? Asking you to love me when it is me that is in ruins.”
“It is.”
“I don’t want to.” Leave
“You chose to.”
“I know.”
“That is the most selfless thing you have ever done.”
“What makes you say that?”
“It wouldn’t have taken you this long, you know, to realize what you truly wanted.”
“I did. From the very start.”
“Then what stopped you, Suguru?”
“The stars.”
“You don’t stargaze. At least you never did with me. A shame really. They are very Beautiful.”
“You are wrong, Satoru. I do it all the time. And it is true, they are beautiful. So much that it pains me sometimes.”
“You should do it with me once before you leave.”
“I can’t promise you that.”
“And why is that?”
“I won’t tell you when I leave. I don’t want anybody to stop me.”
“A fool would only attempt to stop you, Geto Suguru.”
“And you aren’t a fool, are you?”
“I am. The biggest of them all. But even then, my foolishness will not exceed my yearning of keeping you close. I know better.”
“A part of me wants you to be a fool though.”
“You are a hypocrite.”
“I am.”
“I am doing what you would want me to do if I tried to stop you. It is a paradox. The truth is, Suguru, that it is taking me a universe to battle my inner desire and stop you. Tell you that we will go through this together. That your solitude will not last forever. That I will keep you safe from every injury and pain. Physical or emotional. I will mend your heart and make it bloom. Stargaze with you until the stars disappear and the sun takes over. Kiss your eyelids when tears would blanket your lashes. Wash your hair until it is silk smooth. Make it soft to the touch. Maim your suffering. I would Suguru, I would do all these things and so much more. But I know if I will, it will wound you. More than what I am doing right now.”
“And what are you doing right now.”
“I am being anything but the strongest, the greatest. I am not letting my ego consume yours away.”
“You never-”
“I did, Suguru. I did. I am sorry it took me so long. And I’m especially sorry that I could not lend that to you. I was late.”
“You make me sound like I envy you.”
“I know you don’t. You envy the people who envy us. Because to them we seem invincible. Little do they know I am on the verge of falling apart.”
“Gojo Satoru? Falling apart? Impossible.”
“Nothing is impossible when it comes to you, Suguru. I wish for you to know that. I am sorry I never told you this before.”
“What is the most selfish thing you have ever done?”
“Love you.”
“How come?”
“I knew how it would end and still chose to.”
“How could you, Satoru? Even I-”
“I worship the ground you walk on, Suguru. I knew it when it went from serene to rough. The question is why didn’t I try to intervene before it went south.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“You are so much. And a part of me wanted you to realize that on your own. I didn’t know it would go this far. That you would go this far.”
“Does that make you love me any less?”
“No. I hate it”
“And the most selfless thing?”
“Fighting the urge to press my lips against yours right now.”
“Why don’t-“
“Because if I will, I know I won’t let you go.”
“Maybe that’s what I want. Maybe I want you to fight for me, maybe I want you to kiss me right now.”
“We humans want many things, doesn’t mean we can get them all.”
“We are not humans, Satoru.”
“What is human anyway?”
“Beats me.”
“You are holding my hand, and yet it feels like I’m already gone.”
“I don’t think you were ever here in the first place.”
“I know.”
“You seem to know every flaw of yours and yet-“
“And yet you still chose to love me, flaws and all.”
“I did.”
“I didn’t think you would come.”
“It’s you.”
“It’s me?”
“You called and I came.”
“But you never asked why.”
“I know.”
“It could have been the most idiotic reason in the world. Like, I just saw a cat pass by and it reminded me of you so I called you.”
“Still.”
“You would still come?”
“Yes, I would.”
“Then why are you looking at me like I am the last living thing you want to be around.”
“Because looking at you, it hurts.”
“You shouldn’t have come then if I disgust you so much.”
“You don’t though, that’s the thing, you don’t.”
“I don’t-“
“In fact, you don’t disgust me at all, so much that I hate it sometimes. Because do you know how exhausting it is to love someone you can’t have? And it is not because they are taken or don’t love you back, god, I wish it were that. I truly fucking do. I would have overcome it. It is the vindication of knowing that they love you back, but refuse to work on it, making it the grand peak of happiness that god knows how good it would have felt to have in your life. Waking up knowing that even against all the odds, and obstacles, you still fought for it. That you at least tried.”
“Satoru-”
“You know, I thought it was just a moment of weakness. That it would pass with time. I was ignorant because I thought,” A pause.
“You thought what?”
“That I mattered.”
“You-”
“More than anything. And I don’t care how pathetic or selfish it makes me sound. Because I would never leave you, Suguru. Even when death would be knocking on my door, I would leave with a lingering promise to you that I would find you in another universe. Flaws and all. It was foolish of me to expect the same from you. Forgive me.”
“Satoru.”
“Don’t speak my name like that, please.”
“Like what?”
“Like you hate the fact that you are leaving. Because you don’t. You don’t.”
“I don’t”
“Tell me where I went wrong.”
“It is not your fault.”
“It is-”
“Just because you are strong does not mean you have to bare everything.”
“That is how it has always been. The strongest carry the burden of all.”
“I hate that.”
“I know.”
“And yet,”
“I am here.”
“Don’t you think you should leave?”
“I should.”
“Then-”
“I can’t wrap my head around the fact that this is it.”
“It is not your fault. It is nobody’s fault. Fate has been written for me, and I can’t contradict it.”
“I wish I could rewrite it.”
“It will pass.”
“What?”
“Love.”
“It is a curse. It leaves a scar.”
“But it will pass.”
“It will linger.”
“Not forever.”
“I am immortal, Suguru.”
“So?”
“Forever is my faithful companion.”
“I shouldn’t have fallen for you.”
“You wouldn’t have possibly known.”
“I wish I did.”
“But it was a choice wasn’t it?”
“Me loving you?”
“Mhm.”
“It was.”
“I wasn’t always kind to you.”
“True.”
“I never gave you what you deserved.”
“In my eyes, you gave too much. And maybe that’s why you are leaving. There is nothing left to fuel yourself.”
“Perhaps.”
“Could I give it back to you? Would you let me?”
“No.”
“Please.”
“I gave it to you because I wanted to. Keep it. It was always meant for you anyway.”
“Another writing in your fate?”
“Yes. The one that I did not know until the very end. I think I had to empty myself to realize what I wanted.”
“So what is it that you want, Suguru? What is it that cost you love?” and me .
“A life where I don’t have to worry if I am going to die tonight or not.” If the night will take you away from me or not.
“What if I do it before you?”
“Take over the world?”
“No. Kill you.”
“Then you do it.”
“I can’t.”
“Then I will continue killing.”
“We always held onto a thin thread.”
“We did. I still am.”
“But you still chose to love.”
“I did.”
“I wonder why.”
“You were the first person to look into my eyes and speak your truths, not everyone can do that.”
“It was only ever you. Your eyes only. ”
“You can’t save everyone.”
“And you can’t kill everyone.”
“Will you miss me?”
“I always miss you, Suguru.”
“I am sorry.”
“Me too.”
“I will have to kill you one day.”
“It was always going to be you.”
“You are calm. I hate it.”
“The bane of existence started and will end with you. And I am okay with that.”
“Did you ever love me?”
“I don’t remember the second where I didn’t.”
“Do you still?”
“I can’t.”
“Right. But do you?”
“Like I said, I don’t remember the second where I didn’t.”
“Can we go stargazing? Please.”
“Satoru,”
“Don-”
“My Satoru,”
“You can-”
“I have been all this time.”
“What?”
“Your eyes. There are stars in them. Galaxies, in fact.”
“If I brought you a star, would you stay?”
“I always had them.”
“Did you really?”
“For a second, I would like to pretend that I did.”
“Only for a second?”
“Yeah. A minute would be equivalent to an eternity. I cannot afford that.”
“You can’t, right.”
“Just because you love me doesn’t mean I have to stay by your side forever.”
“You are right, it takes two to love for it to be forever.”
“Even then-”
“Don’t. I want to stay silent for a while.”
“I will kill you, Suguru.”
“I know.”
“You won’t stop me?”
“You are Gojo Satoru. Only a fool would stop you.”
“And you aren’t?”
“I am the biggest of them all.”
“Curse me a little at the end, okay?”
“You have a moon of a heart, Suguru. I hope you know that.”
“Your eyes made it prettier.”
“You would shine on your own, even if the stars were never to be around.”
“I will always love you, you know that, right?”
“I don’t know what I know anymore.”
“Speak my name. Please. One last time.”
“Satoru.”
“ Again.”
“My Satoru. My cluster of stars.”
“Kiss me. Please. I don’t want you to leave without knowing what it is like. Suguru, Please.”
Suguru kissed every curve that made Satoru who he was.
I t wasn’t clear if it numbed the pain or ignited it.
Unspoken ‘ I love you ’s, ‘ I am sorry ’s, ‘ you deserve more ’s, ‘ I am sorry I was never enough ’s, and ‘ forgive me ’s were left on Satoru’s skin. And Satoru sanctioned them all, in the abyss of his heart.
“Look at me when you do it, okay? I want to go to the stars when you do it.”
8 years later, Satoru took Suguru to the sky. Tying the star to its moon once and for all.