Work Text:
“I love you,” Natalie said, smiling.
“I love you too, sweetheart.” He answered.
And she knew Stuart really loved her. Just not in the same way she loved him.
Natalie had always liked Stuart Minkus. He was cute, smart, and even when he could be arrogant, he was kind. Unfortunately, he was also very in love with Topanga Lawrence. Neither Stuart nor Topanga really noticed her during classes, which was both, relieving and frustrating. She had to watch Stuart giving into whatever thing Topanga wanted, and maybe if she looked more like Topanga, Stuart would notice her.
She started with curling her hair. Whatever notion romantic comedies gave about the famous ‘make-overs’ the girl got to make the guy fall in love with her, reality didn’t sum up with the effort. When she finally appeared in school with her new look, nobody noticed. Well, except Mr. Feeny.
“I like your hair, Miss Donovan.”
“You’re the first one to say something about it,” Natalie grumbled out, feeling frustrated.
“At this age, I’m afraid you could wear a Space Suit, and nobody would notice.”
“Yeah.” She sighed, looking at Stuart, who, once more, was trying to impress Topanga.
“Give it time.” Mister Feeny smiled, and walked away.
Yeah… she could give it time. How long Stuart could be crushing on Topanga when she didn’t feel the same way?
The answer still was a mystery to her. She married him, gave him a son, and he longed what he couldn’t have.
Farkle knew he was smart, that was no secret. He was ambitious; he was obstinate, and he wanted what he couldn’t have. His mother said he and his father were too alike, even in this particular situation.
“You know, Finny?” His mother said, interrupting her vocalization exercises, “sometimes you have to let go things you can’t have.”
“Moooom,” he whined. “I said I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Yeah, I heard. Also, as your mother, I decided that you *do* need to talk about it.”
“You fell flat on the last note,” Farkle muttered.
“I did not!” Her mom gasped, offended. “Finny, you’re sixteen; you have your whole life ahead of you, why obsessing over some girl who clearly doesn’t feel the same?”
“Well, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it?” Farkle said, snippily. He regretted immediately. Her mom could be odd and eccentric, but she meant well.
She always meant well, and that confused Farkle. While he and his father were withdrawn and concealed their emotions, his mom was confrontational and bubbly, wanting to talk about feelings. He didn’t understand how they got married…, and he couldn’t understand how they were still married.
“I’m not sure if you meant your father or myself, but either way, sons are supposed to avoid repeating their parents’ mistakes. See yourself in this mirror, Farkle. The Matthews girl isn’t worth of your tears. Now, let’s sing!”
Farkle smiled sadly and joined his Mom in her new song. She could have had a wonderful career, but she decided to stay at home and raise Farkle. He wondered if she regretted it.
His mom, for all the intuition she claimed to have about what Farkle felt, was wrong this time.
Maybe Riley wasn’t worth of his tears; however, Lucas certainly was.
When they moved her into the special class on the part of the school that nobody knew (until now), she was excited. She worked hard to get higher grades and to be at the same smart-level than Stuart, and it finally paid off.
“Hey, Stuart,” she greeted him.
“Hi, Natalie,” he answered, sullenly.
Well, at least he knew her name.
“This is exciting, right? We can finally live up to our potential, with advanced classes and everything!”
“Sure.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Topanga Lawrence decided to stay with the idiots in regular classes. Can you believe it? She is the smartest girl in school, with the potential of being whatever she wanted, and she stayed with them. I don’t understand it.”
Of course. Topanga was still the reason of Stuart’s sadness.
“It was her choice, though,” she decided to be diplomatic, “and we need to respect it.”
“It was the wrong choice,” he said, bitterly. “She doesn’t know it yet…, but she will see it.”
At first, when she knew Topanga wasn’t going to be in this group, she was excited as it was her opportunity to make Stuart notice her. Now she was sure she could be the smartest, prettiest and kindest girl, and Stuart still would compare her with Topanga and she would lose.
“He has potential, Natalie! I don’t want him losing his time with frivolous activities.”
“Frivolous activities?” Her mom repeated, raising her voice.
“You know what I mean,” his father tried to backtrack.
“I supposed my singing career was always a frivolous activity to you, right? Well, Farkle wants to join the Drama club, what’s the problem? Afraid he will kill neurons while he acts?”
“He should be part of the Mathletes, or the chess club or…”
“… The young emperors club?” She sneered. “Do we really need shape Farkle to be an exact replica of you?”
Farkle sighed. He knew his father wouldn’t be too happy about his decision, but he never thought that would lead to his parents arguing.
“He’s so smart, Natalie… even smarter than me.”
“I know. That doesn’t mean he’s wasting his potential, Stuart. He’s just joining a club. That’s all. He isn’t throwing away his future to start a rock band, all right? Even so, he would do it brilliantly.”
“I still believe is a bad idea…”
“Give me one good reason why Farkle shouldn’t join the club, Stuart. I dare you.”
“Topanga’s daughter is not…”
“I knew it! I knew this would somehow lead to Topanga Lawrence! Can we please take a decision without her being involved?”
“I’m just saying…”
“She’s a ghost in our marriage, Stuart, and I’m finally getting tired of it. You know what? Here!” Farkle heard the sound of something small falling on the floor. “Go give this ring to Topanga Lawrence. Oh, right… she’s now Topanga MATTHEWS.”
It was a low blow. He closed his eyes, hearing her mom storm out from the library and going upstairs. His dad walked out of the library as well, but he sat in front of Farkle, who was still pretending to have dinner.
He was always pretending around his father.
“Farkle… your mother told me you wanted to join the Drama Club.”
Farkle nodded. They both know he heard the argument, yet they just act like it didn’t happen.
“I –” whatever his father saw in Farkle when he looked at him, made him stop and shake his head. “I’m sure you will be great. You have your mother’s gift, you know?”
“Do you really think it’s a gift?” Farkle couldn’t avoid asking.
“Of course! I know I… can be too stubborn sometimes, but I’m proud of you, son. I also know I haven’t spent much time with you, and you’re growing so fast… we could change that.”
“We could?”
His father hugged him tightly. It was sporadic when he did that, and now Farkle was confused about what he should do.
“Do me a favor, Farkle. When your mother looks for her wedding right, give it to her, all right?” his father put the ring on his hand.
“She’ll want her back by Thursday, like always.” Farkle shrugged.
“Yeah…”
It wasn’t the first time this happened. It was sad that they both knew this wouldn’t be the last neither.
She joined every club Stuart joined. She tried to be the best so he would pick her to be in group projects, and also she managed to be his friend. She would dare to say she was his best friend. And yet, she was miserable.
“I thought you said you wanted to join the Glee club.”
Mister Turner was an excellent teacher, with a quality most would consider a disadvantage. He cared too much about his students. She hoped Shawn Hunter learned something from the time he spent with him.
“Yeah, but Stuart is joining the young emperors club…”
“And you thought you could join too?”
“It’s best to have good extracurricular activities,” she defended herself.
“Natalie… you love to sing; I’ve heard you when you walk in the hallways. Why won’t you join at least a club you can actually enjoy instead of following Minkus around?”
She blushed, feeling stupid. Even Mister Turner noticed what she was doing. Everyone noticed it, except for Stuart.
“I don’t follow him around! We share interests!” She snapped.
“Or maybe you change your interests to match his own… look, I’m not criticizing you, I’m telling you that you are special, even when you can’t match…”
“Topanga Lawrence.” She glared.
“Actually, I was going to say Minkus. Natalie, you can’t spend your life comparing yourself with others. You have to be yourself; you love to sing? Then sing! What’s wrong with that?”
“I don’t know. My parents are proud of my grades; Stuart always chooses me for projects. I have the second best scores in the school… it works, you know?”
“But the important question: Are you happy with that?”
She went silent, knowing she couldn’t answer that honestly.
“Think about it.” Mister Turner smiled at her, leaving the classroom.
Maybe it was time to stop thinking so much about what Stuart wanted, and start doing what she wanted. And she wanted to sing.
After all, she was always going to be second-best in Stuart’s eyes.
“I’m thinking of joining the Drama club too.”
Farkle snorted, shaking his head.
“You don’t want to join that club,” Farkle said with disdain. “We are just a bunch of losers who pretend to be someone else, remember?”
“Maya was mad; she didn’t really mean it,” justified Lucas.
“She said what most think, it’s her thing. Why would you want to join anyway? You have basketball.”
“I miss hanging out with you.”
“What are you talking about? We hang out all the time.” Farkle frowned.
“No.” Lucas stood up, giving him a pat on his arm, “I miss hanging out with *you*.”
Farkle froze, while Lucas sighed and left the classroom. What did that mean? That he missed being just him and Farkle? Or was it something else?
Whatever it was, confused the hell out of him. How could he move on, when Lucas kept acting like Farkle mattered?
Now he had a new understanding of his Mom.
“You’re quitting the club?”
Stuart actually looked surprised.
“They changed my schedule at the Glee club, so I have to quit one.”
“And why don’t you quit the Glee club then?”
Stuart was so dense, but there was no point in getting mad. She got used to that attitude a while ago.
“Because I actually like the Glee club? Miss Anderson thinks I have a good chance to get into Juilliard.”
“I thought you were applying for Harvard.”
“No, Stuart. *You* are the one applying to Harvard.”
“But you’re smart…” Stuart said, bemused, like he couldn’t believe someone would give up their entire future to be in Juilliard.
And maybe a year ago that would have made her change her mind and apply to Harvard. However, Mister Turner was right. Even if she liked Stuart this much, she had to be her own person. Maybe that was the reason why Stuart had never seen her as more than a friend. She kept trying to be Topanga, instead of just being her.
If he didn't like her, that was fine, she could find someone who would.
"Yes, but I actually like playing the piano and singing. Intelligence is not only grades, Stuart. Anyway, you'll get into Harvard with no trouble, what's the problem?"
"Topanga isn't applying there," Stuart said morosely. Of course, this had to be somehow related to Topanga. Sadly, this wouldn't be the last time these words would be pronounced by Stuart, "and now my best friend isn't going either."
Wait, what? He considered her his best friend? How did that happen?
"Well…" No. No, no, no, no. She had to be strong. Sweet words didn't mean that she had to give up her future, her dreams.
No one was worth giving up on herself, and she finally understood that.
"We have to move on, Stuart," she said, smiling. "You'll meet new people, and maybe we can stay in touch, or maybe we are going to drift apart, but... at least we got to know each other, right?"
Stuart looked at her with confusion. It was the first time she let him with no words, and it wouldn't be the last. She pecked him on the cheek and took his hand.
They stayed there for a while. This was probably their good-bye.
"Soooo, you are going to Juilliard?"
Maya kept playing with his mom's piano. She could really be a great musician if she focused enough, but she found it boring.
"That's the plan." Farkle smirked. "What? Want to go with me and elope?"
"Oh, that would be amazing, if it wasn't for my eight-year plan to get Josh to marry me."
"I thought they were five years last time."
"Yeah, minor setback. Some skank is getting in the way."
"Bummer."
"Have you told Golden boy about your plans? Because he believes you're going with us to Addams University."
"Like he would care." Farkle spat, trying not to be bitter.
"Oh, he cares. He cares a lot," Maya gave him a look, "you know he loves you."
"Yeah, yeah, we are best friends. That doesn't mean I'm going to do whatever they want to just because they can't move on from high school," he said bitterly.
"Wow. What crawled up your ass?" Maya started playing the only song she willingly learned: Bohemian Rhapsody.
"Nothing, nothing."
"Ah, you haven't told your old man about the change of plans, uh?" Maya shook her head. "Secrets lead to nasty things, Farkle."
"Oh, since when are you the conscience of this group?" Farkle mocked.
"I'm bored lately," Maya said, trying to sound nonchalant, but he could see through her.
He had been always capable of seeing through Maya's mask, but he didn't say anything. It would be hypocritical. They both had their demons, except Maya preferred to act like she didn't care, while Farkle pretend they didn't exist.
"Riley is always going to be your best friend, Maya."
"And Lucas yours… but I don't feel the same way about Riley as you feel about Lucas."
There. She finally said it.
"That obvious, uh?" Farkle smiled, sadly.
"To the trained eye." Maya returned the smile. "You look at him... and I see myself when I look at Josh."
"At least you have a shot with Josh," he started banging his head against the piano keys. "I'm such a loser."
"Thanks for ruining my final, moron." Maya complained while he kept making noises with his head. "And you're not a loser... we are teenagers, some drama was expected. Go to Juilliard, be amazing, meet new people... and maybe you'll find your own Josh there."
"I suppose you don't want to share yours, right?" he joked.
"Sorry buddy," she hugged him. "I can let you play with your head if that makes you happy."
"I think it will."
He kept banging his head against the piano while Maya just rubbed his back. She always knew how to comfort him.
He loved Riley with all his heart, but Maya... Maya was his girl, the one he knew would not only be there, but also understand what it felt having your heart crushed.
"Hey Natalie." Andrew greeted her happily. "You haven't returned my calls."
Natalie really tried to move on from Stuart. However, every guy she met, was lacking somehow. Like Andrew, who dismissed all her opinions. It was like she was a magnet for idiots.
"Natalie?"
They both turned around, and Natalie felt like the air was leaving her lungs. Stuart Minkus was standing there, looking as handsome as she remembered him, holding a teddy bear in the middle of her favorite coffee shop.
"Stuart? Oh my God! What are you doing here?"
"I came to visit you, actually..." Stuart smiled, and she tried to avoid feeling butterflies in her stomach. She failed. "I... am I interrupting something?"
"Yes," said Andrew.
"No," she said.
Stuart frowned and came closer to them.
"Look man, we are busy here," Andrew said in his douchery glory.
"Yeah, well, I think you're done. I want to hang out with my friend."
"A teddy bear?" She had to ask, pretending for a moment that this wasn't becoming a sitcom from the 90s.
"You said I never gave you one, so I decided to rectify things."
And just like that, Stuart Minkus was back in her life.
She wondered what would have happened if Stuart hadn't come that day. Above all, her life turned out okay. Unfortunately, she always dreamed of something more than 'okay'.
"Are you sure you want to go to Juilliard?"
His mom was practicing Ballet; a new development since his father had tried to be 'close to his family', and she decided to test how close he wanted to be. He didn't understand it. His mom had weird thoughts sometimes.
"Mom, I thought you would be supportive." He kept tapping the mirror in front of him. This ballet studio must have cost a fortune, but he knew his father had no limits when he wanted to prove something.
"I am, Finny! I just don't want you to regret this decision because you want to prove you can let go of your crush on the Matthews girl."
"For the last time, I'm not doing this for Riley," nor Lucas, for that matter, "I enjoy playing the piano..."
"With your head," she added.
"So? An artistic view! Besides, I like my artistic side, it doesn't mean I won't double major or something..."
"Double major?" Her mom stopped suddenly. "You want to do that?"
"I'm considering it."
"Well, it's like your father always say... you can excel at anything."
"Do you think he'll approve?"
She came close and kissed the top of his head.
"Who cares? Do what you want to do, no regrets."
She started spinning again, and since she brought it up, Farkle had to ask.
"Mom... do you regret marrying my father? Do you regret leaving your career for me?"
She slipped and fell, making him jump and ran towards her, worried.
"Mom! Are you all right? Do I need to call 911?"
"I'm fine; it's just my ankle... right now that's not important. Farkle, why would you think I regret marrying your father or having you? You're the most wonderful thing that has happened to me!"
"Mom... I didn't mean that you don't love me... but you and father argue so much... and if Riley's Mom had married my father, he would be... happy. Maybe if I weren't born, you would be successful, famous... you are talented, Mom, and you gave that up... was it worth it?"
"Oh, Finny," his Mom hugged him tightly. "True, your father has problems with letting things go. He sometimes acts like he wished for a different life, with Topanga Lawrence... she was her first love, you know? I can understand why he can't let go of her, at least not completely."
"How can you understand that?" Farkle asked.
"Because he was my first love, and I couldn't let go of him either. Look Finny, us, humans... we are so complex... maybe you don't approve or understand why I married your father. Furthermore, you can't understand why he married me. But never doubt this, with all our flaws, we knew that our marriage was worth it... because you came along, and you were so beautiful and wonderful... you were the light that helped us through the darkest times we faced, and you were the hope for a better future. You, Finny, are the most important thing. I could have been famous, yes... but then, I would have missed so many things... so, of course it was worth it Finny. It was the best decision I made."
And Farkle believed her. He truly believed her.
His father found them there, crying.
"What's wrong?" He asked, alarmed.
"I fell and twisted my ankle," his mom said, saving him from making a fool of himself in front of his father.
"Are you all right? Do I need to call 911?"
His Mom winked at him, and he realized he and his father were more alike than what he wanted to admit.
"It's fine. Some ice will work wonders, though.”
"I've told you Natty, be careful when you spin."
To Farkle's surprise, his father entered the studio and lifted his mom gently. He had never heard him call her like that, with such tenderness. This was a side he didn't know it existed.
"Eventually, I'll stop falling." His mom joked. "So, Stuart, what do you think? Dinner in bed?"
"Sounds like a party," his father said. "Farkle, order pizza, please, and join us in our room. Tonight we will watch a movie."
"Yes, father."
And as he saw his parents arguing over what movie they should watch, he felt hope. Maybe he could find someone else, just like his father did.
He just wished that person would be as persistent and patient as his mom.
She said yes. As a graduation present, Stuart asked her to marry him. And she said yes. How stupid was that decision? Sure, they had been dating two years, and it was... good. Not great, not magical... just good. And yet she still said yes.
"That's some rock," Alexa said, whistling.
"Yeah..."
"What's wrong, honey? You man proposed! Shouldn't you be shouting from the rooftop that you're engaged?"
"It's just... you know how I told you I wasn't sure about Stuart anymore?"
"Yeah, but then you said you were just confused."
"Well, I wasn't, I just... he's... I've loved him since we were children... how healthy is that?"
"You tried dating others, right?"
"Yeah... I just... I don't know... I feel like I'm trying too hard to be happy... it shouldn't be hard. It shouldn't be difficult..."
"Life isn't a fairy tale, Natalie. It can't be perfect. Nothing is."
Nothing is. Her friend was right in a way, and she... she was still so deluded, so naive... maybe Stuart was just settling with her... and she was doing the same.
But she would do her best to be happy. She would try her best.
"Farkle, can't sleep?"
Farkle jumped, startled, seeing Mister Matthews in the kitchen. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear him.
"No, sir. I'm... thinking."
"Riley tells me you are going to Juilliard. Great school, you will excel there."
"So you don't think I'm wasting my potential?" He asked, genuinely curious.
"If it's your choice, then it's the best one, don't you think?" Mister Matthews smiled.
"Mom said the same thing."
"Natalie was always very wise."
"You knew my mother?"
Farkle was surprised; according to his Mom, she was invisible in school; no chance of Riley's parents would remember her.
"Of course. We didn't talk much in high school, but I remember her. I'm surprised though, since I was under the impression you wanted to dominate the world."
"Ah. It's part of my plan. You can catch more flies with honey, right?"
Mister Matthews chuckled.
"I'm sure Minkus won't care if you go to Juilliard," he said, sounding casual.
"Riley told you about it?"
"She said she couldn't understand your hesitation... she sometimes can be a little oblivious, but she means well."
"I'm not mad at her," he assured him.
"That's good. You've been friends for so long, it would be a shame if you drifted apart."
"It's part of growing up. Like you and Mister Hunter."
"Shawn and I are living in different places; it doesn't mean we have drifted apart. If anything, it has brought us closer. Real friendship works in mysterious ways."
"I suppose."
"Tell Minkus." Mister Matthews poured water in a glass. "He can surprise you."
"Lately he has been acting weird."
He often witnessed how everyone in his social group confided to Mister Matthews. Maya with her doubts and insecurities. Lucas with his fears. He was the only one who tried to refrain from doing so, mostly because he thought it would make him look weak. But he understood the appeal, and now... why not?
"Weird?" Mister Matthews played along.
"He and my mother... I don't know... he calls my Mom pet names, he comes home for dinner; he made her a ballet studio in what it was his beloved library.... I don't get it."
"Maybe he wants to do something nice for her, don't you think?"
"I guess so... but why now? All these years, and they kept arguing about everything... he acted like it didn't matter. I don't understand it."
"Well... maybe Minkus wants to show he loves Natalie because he realized he could lose what matters to him the most."
"How so?"
"Sometimes... we feel like the people around us will be there forever. Like you and Riley, Lucas and Maya. You've been together through thick and thin, and now you're going away, and they're afraid they're going to lose you. That's why Riley is trying to convince you to go with them, and Lucas is acting attentive and even Maya is less... Maya. They're showing you they appreciate you because they feel they took you for granted..."
"And my Father took my Mom for granted too."
"It happens. We don't appreciate what we have, and sometimes we could lose it. People make mistakes, and if they're lucky enough, they can fix them before it's too late."
Farkle looked at Mister Matthews under a new light. He respected him, but now he truly understood why Maya defended him and Lucas always told him to talk with him. He knew what to say, and he understood what was troubling him.
"You think it's too late for my parents?" Farkle asked.
"Never it's too late if you try hard enough." Mister Matthews offered a cup. "Here... to help you sleep."
"Thank you."
"You are a lot like Minkus, Farkle. It's not too late for you as well."
Maybe it wasn't, but Farkle didn't know if it was worth the risk.
"Your wife is here." Millie, Stuart's secretary, smiled at her while she announced her visit.
After a tense silence, Stuart answered a curt 'send her in'. He didn't expect her, and that was her plan. She finally decided what to do, and she wasn't backing down.
"Thanks, Millie," she said, taking a deep breath before opening the door. She could do it.
"This is a surprise." Stuart stood up, walking towards her, sounding confused.
"I imagine." He kissed her on her cheek and guided her to the small sofa in the office.
Once they were sitting, he kept looking at her expecting to hear what prompted her to come here.
"Stuart," she took a breath again. "We need to talk about what we are going to do."
"Regarding what?" He frowned.
"Farkle is going to Juilliard soon..."
"He still hasn't told me about it."
"Well, have you thought that perhaps he didn't trust you enough? He is doing all the paperwork on his own, what does that tell you?"
Stuart stared at her, without saying anything. She knew this was a touchy subject for him, but he brought it up.
"But that's not the point of my visit. Farkle is going to college soon, and we need to decide what we are doing with our future."
He just kept his frown having no idea of what she meant. This was it... she had to do it.
"I think we should get a divorce."
There. She finally said it. Stuart widened his eyes and started stammering. Well, at least he was as eloquent as she remembered.
"W-what? A divorce? What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about how Farkle is an adult, going on his own way, and we are just married because we settled instead of pursuing what we really wanted. No point in ruining our lives more time, don't you think?"
"Our marriage ruined your life? It is what you think?"
Stuart gaped, which was bemusing because he always liked to maintain control over his emotions. He must really be off his game this day.
"I didn't say that, but admit I wasn't exactly what you wanted, and I loved you too much and decided to accept the fact that you were never really mine."
"That's not true!" He said, defensively.
"Stuart, you have told Farkle that Topanga should have been his mother; you insisted on making Farkle go to a public school just because you knew Riley Matthews would be there, and you kept trying to compete with a guy who already won and got your dream girl, so don't tell me that it isn't true, all right?" She tried to stop from hyperventilating. "I'm not blaming you, at least not entirely; I accepted this after all, but we can -"
"You want to know why I wanted Farkle to go there?" Stuart interrupted her.
"I don't believe it's the point of the conversation," she frowned.
"Farkle is special, Natalie. However, he needed people who could accept him for everything he is. He has your quirkiness and intelligence, but also my lack of social skills... I didn't want him to be like me... alone, just trying to survive school, hating that he couldn't be different."
She didn't think about it like that. Cory Matthews changed into a very kind man. When he was a child, as expected, was immature and tend to be self-centered and a little obnoxious. Topanga, while more accepting, was also hard with those who disagreed with her. Both grew up to be nice people, and it was expected they would teach their children that.
Farkle had friends because Stuart thought of having him in an environment that allowed him to act like himself and yet be accepted. She wondered how many things she misjudged about Stuart's motivations.
"That was nice, and our son has loyal friends," she agreed. "Still, that doesn't change the fact..."
"I thought -" Stuart interrupted her again, and then shook his head. "Sorry, I interrupted you, what were you going to say?"
"That it doesn't change the fact that maybe it's time to let go of this marriage. We haven't been exactly a fine example of love for Farkle."
"Can I ask you a question?" Stuart took her hand, gently.
"Sure," she smiled kindly.
"Are you still in love with me?"
Now he caught her off guard. Was she still in love with him? Beyond the fact that she always thought she needed to fill Topanga Lawrence's shoes, Stuart was a very interesting man. He was handsome, and ambitious; he supported her in everything, and he let her take most of the decisions regarding Farkle (including the name). He understood her when she was angry, and their arguments were mostly provoked by her insecurities.
Maybe she had been blaming Stuart for the situation without realizing that she was also harsh with him.
Most importantly, she wanted to grow old with him, but forgetting the past and the mistakes they probably made during their marriage.
"Because I do, Natty. I do love you, and I have failed in showing you that. But if you give me a chance, I promise you I'll make sure you know how I feel. I don't want to lose you, but I don't want to force you to stay in a marriage if that makes you miserable. I want you to be happy... that's all I have wanted all these years. I messed up that as well, right?"
He smiled sadly, and stood up, kissing her on the top of her head.
"I love you. Do you?"
Did she? That was a very good question.
"Hello Farkle."
He jumped, surprised. He didn't expect to see his father there, in the living room, looking so casual.
"Father," he greeted formally. Then he noticed an envelope in his father's hand. Oh no... oh no, no, no, no.
"You got the scholarship." His father said, neutrally. "I'm sorry I opened your mail, but it said 'to Mr. Minkus', and I thought it was for me.”
"Uhm..." Farkle glanced to the staircase to see if his mother could come to his rescue.
"Your Mom is out with her friends," no such luck then. "Come Farkle. Let's talk about this."
He knew he had no choice; it was bad enough that his father found out about going to Juilliard with a letter, now he had to face the music.
He waited until his father said something, but he just kept looking at him with a sad expression.
"First of all, I don't know if this helps with your anxiety, but I already knew you were going to Juilliard."
"Oh." Maybe Lucas was right, and he wasn't as stealthy as he thought he was.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
That was the question, right? What was he afraid of? His father disapproving? Saying something mean? Disappointing him?
"You wanted me to go to Harvard," that was the easiest argument for him.
"No, I said you could have gotten in any university you wanted, including Harvard. I didn't say you should go to Harvard. Farkle... have I made you believe you have to fill whatever expectations I have?"
That had to be a trick question.
"No?"
"That means yes. Farkle, you are your own person, whatever you decide for your future, it's your choice. I'm sorry if I made you think that you couldn't tell me about it. Son... do you think I'm a lousy father?"
"No! I just... you keep saying about all my potential, and how I could do anything... it makes me feel..."
"... like you need to do it to make me happy. I just say that because I admire that, and I managed to screw it up."
"You always argued with Mom about how I'm wasting my potential," he said, thinking that now it was a good moment to vent everything he felt.
"That was wrong too... we sometimes had our differences in your activities, but we knew it was your choice. It has always been your choice, Farkle, do you understand that?"
"I do now." This was disappointing. He expected yelling, or frowning... silent treatment or something similar. This unconditional acceptance was bemusing to him.
Perhaps Mister Matthews was right, and his Father wanted to show how much they mean to him.
"However, this wasn't exactly what I wanted to talk about. According to this letter, you are getting extra classes, and you joined four different volunteering programs."
"Yeah. I want to live to my full potential," he knew that answer was the one his father was looking for.
"I have a different theory. I think you want to have a very valid excuse to avoid seeing your friends. Am I wrong?"
"What? No, that's not it!" he was completely right, but Farkle didn't want to admit that yet.
"No? Let's see... you have eight classes, two electives, four volunteer programs... that sounds like a very busy schedule to me. No time to come home for Thanksgiving or Christmas, no time to go visit your friends, and if they want to visit you, no time for you to see them."
"That... the thing is...." he tried to think of a valid excuse to get him out of this mess.
"Let me guess. You want to avoid seeing someone... not all your friends, of course, but you have to avoid them so the one you don't actually want to see suspects because you don't want to hurt their feelings."
"Father, if that's all...."
"Oh, no, I haven't even guessed yet. It can't be Riley Matthews, you love her like a little sister, even when you're the same age. That blonde girl can't be either, she spends too much time here playing the piano. That leaves that good-looking kid... Lucas something."
Crap. He kept forgetting that his genius genes come from his Father. He tried not to blush and pretend it wasn't true.
"Friar. Lucas Friar, and you're wrong."
"Son... liking someone isn't a bad thing."
"It is when it's someone you shouldn't like."
"Why? Because he's a guy? That doesn't matter. If it's because your friend also like him... you both need to discuss it."
"Father, you spend the first 18 years of my life being oblivious, can we go back to that?" He pleaded. He couldn't discuss this with his father from all people.
"I was waiting for you to tell me... not the point, you shouldn't feel like this is wrong, Farkle."
"Father... you liked Riley's Mom for a long time. Tell me it wasn't wrong," he dared.
"It wasn't. But I knew she was in love with someone else, and I respected that. Then your Mom came along, and I fell in love with her."
"Then, it's the same. He's in love with someone else, and I need to respect that."
"Are you sure?"
"Quite. Can I go now?"
"We are having dinner. Boys time..."
"Do we have to?"
"Yes. Order whatever you want."
"Fine," he stood up, confused by his father's actions.
He didn't know his father as much as he thought.
"Farkle," his father called him when he was about to leave the living room.
"Yes?" He turned.
"I would make sure that this Lucas fellow is in love with someone else."
"Father - "
"I'm just saying... he looks at you the exact way you look at him... maybe you should consider that."
Why people kept giving him hope about something he already decided would let go? This didn't mean anything; he would keep his plan. College, and drift away from everyone. Including Lucas.
"Natalie?"
She turned around, widening her eyes when she saw who called her name. Topanga Lawrence was waving at her, like she was an old friend.
She smiled, not knowing how to proceed.
"I knew it was you!" Topanga walked towards her, which made her feel nervous.
"Yeah. How are you, Topanga?" She went for casual.
"As good as I can be knowing that Riley is going to college soon. Can you believe our kids are all grown up now?"
"Sometimes I still see Finny like that little boy that kept correcting my grammar," she smiled.
"It's hard letting our kids go." Topanga mused. "I hope Farkle can come to the party."
"Party?"
"Yeah, Riley wants to have a small reunion as a farewell to her friends, but said that Farkle was busy. I was hoping you could do something about it."
Topanga looked at her, smiling. She knew about what was going on, there was no doubt about that. Mothers had a special sense for these things, even when Farkle laughed at her.
"I'll do my best," she promised. At least Farkle should have closure from this situation.
"Riley can understand more things that people give her credit for," Topanga continued the conversation.
"I know; she's an excellent girl. You and Cory raised a very kind daughter. Farkle can't bear to hurt her, you understand that, right?"
"I understand. I didn't mean to hurt you either."
"Don't." Natalie wasn't ready to talk about that with Topanga. Maybe she would never be ready.
"Sorry, that was inappropriate. I just..."
"The past is the past," she said, trying to sound casual, "no point in bringing that up."
"You're right, of course. I hope Farkle can make it."
"I hope that as well."
"Natalie, here's your coffee."
Stuart handed her a cup, and she tensed. This was something she feared since they decided to give their marriage a second chance: Running into Topanga and then realizing that it was all pointless because Stuart would always be in love with her.
She often tended to look for the bad side, and she knew she should work on that because Farkle was the same.
"Thank you," she said, surprising herself of how calm she sounded.
"Stuart."
"Topanga, hello."
Stuart looked at her, and then Topanga, and he looked at her again.
"Did I miss something? Is there a problem?" Stuart asked, baffled as why they were quiet.
"Farkle said he couldn't go to Riley's party," she explained.
"Riley is having a party?" Stuart frowned. "He didn't mention anything about it."
"Yeah, apparently he's busy."
"Ah." He nodded. "I see. Well, we can certainly make sure that he clears his schedule."
"I thought so," she agreed.
Topanga smiled, and then the most incredible thing happened: Stuart just smiled back without looking at her like she was the most important thing in the world.
He just smiled back, and then her world didn't shatter into pieces.
"Well, look at the time. I should go, Cory must be waiting for me," Topanga looked at her watch.
"Say hi for us," Stuart said.
"Of course. Good to see you Natalie. Stuart."
"Good to see you too," she smiled.
"Good-bye, Topanga," Stuart said, and for some reason, it sounded final.
Maybe it was. She faced her own insecurities, and now she realized that she never gave Stuart the benefit of the doubt.
People can change. And people can let go of their first crush.
She hoped Farkle could also move on.
"I don't get it. You stayed out of this for all my life, why are you so invested now?"
"Finny, don't be rude," his mom admonishes.
"He's right," his father agreed. That was new too. "Natty, would you give us some privacy?"
"Sure."
He glared at his mom, hoping to convey all the betrayal he felt right now. She was supposed to be on his side, and now she left him alone with his father who was nagging him to go to Riley's party even when he already said he didn't want to.
He hated good-byes, and he knew that going there would mean to torture himself about Lucas, and he was trying to leave all that behind.
"Farkle," his father started talking in a serious tone, "why are you double majoring?"
He widened his eyes, completely surprised. They were discussing the party, and now he brought the double major thing? What game was he playing?
"Why not? I can do it."
"Yes, but you never mentioned it... is this another ploy to be so busy so your friends can't visit you?"
"Not everything revolves around my friends." He snapped. "I want to double major, why is that a problem?"
"It's not. I just wanted to know why..."
Why? Good question, he thought about it several times. The truth: he did want to be busy, so he couldn't see his friends. But also... when he thought his father would oppose Juilliard, he was focused 100% in being there. Now that his father was supportive, he wasn't so sure and didn't want to screw up, so a second choice was a good course of action.
He said as much, since his father claimed he wanted to know.
"It seems reasonable," his father agreed. "Sometimes we take decisions just to piss other people off..."
"That's not what I -"
"Shush," his father said. He actually shushed him. "If you want to double major, your mom and I will support you one hundred percent, Farkle. You should know that by now."
"I guess," he muttered. "I thought you were trying to convince me to go to Riley's party?"
"Oh, that. No, you are an intelligent boy, you should decide what you want to do. I just remind you that sometimes opportunities present themselves once... and it's your choice what to do."
"It sounds like you want to convince me, but not saying it directly."
"Do you need convincing? You already made up your mind. That Linus boy..."
"Lucas." Farkle sighed. His father always got the name wrong.
"Him... you are so convinced he couldn't feel the same, what can I say to convince you otherwise?" His father frowned. "You are a lot like me in that regard. I just hope you don't regret it."
"Did you?" He boldly asked. Since his father was talking about awkward topics, why shouldn't he ask about his own experiences?
"I regret wasting my time in a hopeless crush, instead of just moving on. But in my case, she always said no, even when I insisted. In this case... you haven't said anything, and the other person could actually be interested."
"You and Mom should form a club," he complained.
"We want you to be happy, Farkle. Do what you need to do, and be completely sure of that choice."
He was sure. He was completely sure.
Except, next time he saw Lucas... he thought that maybe, maybe.... He could have a chance.
They graduated; they made promises to be in touch; they hugged... this was the moment. It was now or never.
“I love you,” Farkle said, knowing this would be the only way he could say it.
“I love you too, buddy.” He answered.
And he knew Lucas really loved him. Just not in the same way he loved him.