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Kalim sighed heavily as he cracked open his eyes, the bright sunlight peaking in through the window blinding him. Another day where he would have to smile that fake smile and pretend everything was okay. How ironic that people said he had a personality as bright as the sun, when in reality he felt as dark and cold as the moon.
Nothing about Kalim’s life right now was okay. For one thing, it has been a few weeks since Jamil’s overblot, and the relationship between them was…strained at best. Oh, who was Kalim kidding? His eyes welled with tears as he laid there in bed. Jamil hated him. He despised him. The young heir’s only source of comfort and friendship he’s ever had his whole life wanted nothing to do with him. The amount of pain Kalim felt at this revelation was enough to leave him gasping desperately for air.
The small boy covered his mouth with his hand, trying to quiet his soft whimpers. Of course, he couldn’t blame Jamil for hating him. He had hurt the one he claimed to love for years without even realizing it. Kalim knew he was a horrible friend, and he was in awe at how Jamil had put up with him for so long. He was so much better at everything than Kalim was, but he had been forced to hide it for his “master”. The brunette was never able to free like he wanted. Oh, how could I be so stupid? How did I never realize how much stress and anguish Jamil was going through? I deserve to be hated by him…
No, Kalim knew he deserved this. He made Jamil suffer so much. But even though the white-haired boy knew how much he did wrong, it still didn’t stop the sharp, stabbing pain from working its way up his ribs. He missed his friend. No matter how many people were in that palace when he was growing up, no one paid attention to him. Kalim Al-Asim always smiled and never cried, so no one had to pay attention to him, right? He was fine, always fine! Jamil knew better, though. So Kalim had always turned to his servant to make things better for him. And it just shows how selfish you are. You put all your pain on Jamil and added to his own pain. You’re so selfish, Kalim. His mind taunted him with his own actions.
The heir groaned and rolled over, sitting up violently in bed, trying to dislodge the thoughts from his brain. He didn’t need more of a reminder of what he had done wrong. He must not have realized how physical this sadness in him manifested, because he was suddenly hit with a wave of stabbing pain in his lower right side. He gasped loudly, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to breathe through the horrible aching feeling. The pain had been happening for a few days now, but this was the worst it’s ever been. Oh, this whole ordeal with Jamil must have affected him way more than he thought. But he was fine. Kalim was always fine. So he powered through the pain, breathing more easily as it slowly dissipated. He dressed himself to the best of his ability, giving up on his makeup for the day. He was used to Jamil doing all of this for him. But he wouldn’t dare call out to the servant for help now.
Once again, Kalim knew he deserved this treatment from Jamil. He knew what he did was wrong. But it still didn’t stop his heart from crying out when Jamil would make harsh remarks to him, or when a few of the Scarabian students who supported Jamil after his overblot would taunt him. So Kalim resigned himself to having to do everything on his own. Jamil would never help him again, he knew. It was time to be independent. Like he should have been long ago.
Once Kalim was as ready as he could be, he gathered his things and opened the door, heading to the kitchen for breakfast. At least Jamil still cooked for him. Even though the brunette would never help Kalim in other aspects, he was still the heir’s servant. He still had to do his job and he had to make sure Kalim wasn’t poisoned. But that was the only thing Jamil allowed himself to do for Kalim after his overblot. The heir was on his own for everything else.
Kalim stepped into the kitchen, wincing as he felt the tension immediately coil up between the two dorm heads.
The heir took a deep breath. “H-hi, Jamil!” He tried to say this as brightly as he could. He didn’t want anyone to know how broken and hurt he was inside.
Jamil simply rolled his eyes and scoffed, putting a plate of food out for Kalim. The servant then sat and ate his own plate of food. He watched with mild interest when he saw the Scarabian students who supported him sidle up to Kalim.
“Haha. Hi, Housewarden.” They always mocked Kalim’s dorm title. “I see you don’t have makeup on. Couldn’t figure out how to do it, huh? The Vice Housewarden really had to do every single thing for you. Wow, what a pathetic leader.”
Kalim just stared at his plate, suddenly not feeling too hungry. These students always made him confront the truth head-on with their hurtful words. He hated it. But he knew it was the very least that he deserved. So he just shook his head, trying to smile at them kindly, though it looked more like a grimace. Eventually, the students left him alone, heading off to their classes together. The other students headed off too, leaving Kalim and Jamil alone in the kitchen.
The white-haired boy stood up, grabbing his school bag and was about to leave when Jamil’s deep voice stopped him.
“Kalim, you haven’t eaten a bite of your food.”
Oh…Kalim hated this. He hated how his heart squirmed with love every time Jamil talked to him, even when he was taunting him. He hated how his heart melted with affection when he heard what Jamil said, thinking that the brunette had noticed how hurt Kalim was, and how he was concerned about him. Jami noticed I didn’t eat! He must still care about me somewhat then, right?! His mind squealed at the possibility of Jamil still maybe caring for him at least a little bit.
“So, you’re still on your selfish streak, huh? You know I made that for you, and you’re not going to even bother eating a bite of it? All my efforts gone to waste again on you. Just like always. Great Seven, I hate serving you…I can’t wait until we graduate. I’ll finally be free from your idiocy!”
And just like that, Kalim’s heart crumbled. That awful pain in his side came back, and he had to grip the side of the kitchen counter to remain upright.
“J-Jami…I’m sorry…”
“Oh, don’t you dare call me that. It makes me sick. And you can say sorry all you want, it doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change the fact that I have to sacrifice my whole life just to make you happy! I’m sick of it! Just get out of here before you’re late to class again. Not that it’ll make a difference since you’re most likely failing your classes without me, anyway.”
Kalim was trying so hard to hold in his tears, even though one managed to escape and slither down his cheek. He knew that every word Jamil spoke was true. So he grabbed the plate before the brunette could take it, and shoved the food down his throat. It didn’t matter that the smell was making his stomach roll. It didn’t matter that swallowing the food was making the pain in his side multiply tenfold. Nothing mattered but eating the food Jamil so graciously made for him. Once he was done he set the plate down, grabbing his bag and rushing out the door.
“Thank you, Jamil! That was very good!” He left Jamil standing in the kitchen, open-mouthed at what just happened.
*~*
Oh, no. Eating that food was really churning Kalim’s stomach. Waves of nausea repeatedly rolled over him, and he was struggling to breathe correctly. His face broke out in a cold sweat, his whole body feeling cold and hot at the same time. Why did he feel so sick, today? Was it some kind of stomach bug?
He tried his best to listen to the teacher, ignoring the way Jamil didn’t even spare him a glance. All Kalim could do was pine from afar, because Jamil would never look at him like Kalim looked at the servant.
Oh, there was that stabbing pain again. Kalim did his best to not gasp in pain, but he couldn’t hold back a slight whimper.
“Kalim, are you alright?” Silver, who was sat next to his friend, put a hand on the heir’s arm. Kalim just smiled that fake smile and nodded.
“Oh, yes, I’m fine! Thank you for your concern, Silver!”
Silver looked skeptical, but nodded and returned to writing notes in his notebook.
As the school day continued on, the pain got worse and more frequent. His lower right side was hurting so badly, and the pain was starting to radiate outward, making his whole torso burn with agony. By the time the end of the day came around, Kalim could barely stand. He had skipped lunch. He had been so nauseous he couldn’t eat a crumb. Maybe he should have stayed home today…he didn’t want to get anyone else sick! But he couldn’t afford to miss classes. With Jamil no longer being his tutor, his grades were really struggling. Once again, he knew he was being selfish. At that thought, the young heir felt like bursting into tears.
But Kalim knew, as he stumbled back into his dorm room after classes, hearing the incessant jabs from Jamil’s posse, that he had to take a day or two off. If not for his physical health, then his mental health because the constant bullying was sure to burn his sunlight out sooner or later.
*~*
Jamil tilted his head a little bit, when he noticed Kalim once again hadn’t shown up to class. It was the second day that this happened. So irresponsible, Jamil thought, irritated. He blatantly ignored the small seed of doubt in his heart. That small glimmer of genuine worry for Kalim’s well-being. No, clearly he was only worried because if anything happened to the heir, who knows what would happen to Jamil. He would be the one to blame, after all. Jamil was only concerned for himself.
He’s on his own. I’m not getting involved anymore. He needs to learn to be independent. I’m not going to be there for him forever…
*~*
How long has it been? What day was it? Kalim didn’t know or care. Time was all blurring together in his exhausted, strained mind. All he could focus on was the sharp, stabbing pain in his stomach and the violent tremors that racked his body. He had thrown up everything he had in his system, eventually resorting to dry heaving when there was nothing left in him. He didn’t bother trying to eat or drink after that. It was all going to come back up anyway.
Maybe he should try calling for help. This pain was worse than anything he’s ever felt before. It hurt so bad, he felt silent tears sliding down his cheeks. His hand reached over, trying to find his phone resting on the nightstand. His fingers didn’t seem to work for him, though, and they instead knocked it off of the table as they tried to wrap around it. The loud sound of it crashing onto the floor made Kalim whimper, and he cowered on the bed, covering his ears as he squeezed his eyes shut. Memories started flooding into his head. His kidnappings, his poisonings, his father’s voice telling him Asims don’t cry.
“Awe, does the little heir want to go home? Too bad we can’t allow that. Your daddy hasn’t paid your ransom yet. I wonder if he even wants you? He clearly doesn’t care enough to pay some money to get you back. Does anyone want you? Probably not. Who would want a spoiled, rotten brat like you?”
Kalim whimpered on the bed, trying to curl further into a ball than he already was. It was all too much.
“I think the brat wants a bath. Should we give him one? He is pretty filthy…” The cruel men laughed as they shoved Kalim into a basin, pouring ice into it. Kalim’s body started convulsing, trying to get away from the freezing cold.
“Nope. You’ll stay here until you can get your act together.” They forced him down and chained him to the basin, not letting him up for hours. By the time Jamil found him, Kalim was suffering a pretty dramatic case of hypothermia.
The heir shivered in the middle of his big, comfy bed despite his body burning up with fever, his mind in torment as the memories crashed into his psyche.
“You pathetic brat!” Jamil screamed at him.
“J-Jami, please…I’m sorry!”
“I hate you!” Jamil’s overblot form yelled.
More tears poured out of his eyes, his stomach continuing to cramp fiercely.
The cracking of the whip on his back made screams erupt from the young heir’s throat, blood dripping down and creating a grotesque puddle on the floor.
“You haven’t screamed enough for us, pretty thing.”
The whip came down harder, over skin that was already torn and broken. Kalim screamed out louder, his body going into shock at the pain and blood loss.
“J-Jami…please…help me…”
And with that, Kalim completely blacked out.
*~*
Jamil looked over while he was eating his lunch, seeing Lilia, Silver and Cater coming over. He rolled his eyes. Friends of Kalim. What did they want? He guessed it had something to do with Kalim missing classes and the Light Music Club meetings for three days in a row, now.
He turned out to be right.
“Hello, Jamil! We were just wondering where Kalim has been. Is he alright? Silver told me he looked a bit sick last time he saw him.” Lilia smiled brightly at the brunette, but there was a bit of strain to it. Clearly, Kalim’s friends were worried about him. Jamil just sighed and shook his head.
“I’m not sure. I haven’t seen him.”
Cater stared at him. “You haven’t even seen him around the dorm?”
“No. Why does it matter? I shouldn’t have to be his babysitter.” Jamil scoffed.
“No, but- shouldn’t you at least check on him? You’re his Vice Housewarden, after all. Do you really not care about him that much to not check on him? He’s been gone for three days!”
Jamil winced at Lilia’s words. He didn’t know who knew of his overblot and who didn’t, but the words stung nonetheless. He stood and groaned.
“Fine! I’ll check on him. But I’m sure he’s fine. He’s probably just being lazy and dense like always.”
Silver, who usually was composed, openly glared at Jamil for making fun of his friend that way. Cater could only roll his eyes slightly at the brunette.
“Well, thank you for your sacrifice, Jamil. I know it’ll be very difficult to check on him.” Lilia’s biting words were accompanied by an uncharacteristically cool gaze. The trio didn’t even give Jamil time to answer, instead walking away to their own table. Jamil threw his head back and sighed, exasperated.
Kalim always had to cause trouble, didn’t he? Even when Jamil wasn’t bending over backwards for him anymore.
*~*
Jamil growled lowly in his throat as he stood outside of Kalim’s door, getting ready to knock. He didn’t want to do this. He was so sick of catering to the brat. But…it would be good just to see how he was doing. He had to admit that, at least. He went ahead and knocked on the door.
“Kalim? Come on, I know you’re in here. Open the door. Everyone is worried about you…although I can’t imagine why. You’re probably perfectly fine, like always.” It was true. Kalim always had that annoying, sickening smile on his face. He was always happy. He was always fine.
Jamil got no response. He frowned after a few minutes of silence.
“Kalim?” The brunette tried opening the door, finding it locked. He quickly used a spell on it, unlocking it. He hurried through the door, anxiety starting to bubble up inside him. It wasn’t like Kalim to just not answer.
“Kali- what in Twisted Wonderland?!”
The boy in question was curled up in the middle of his bed, his clothes and body were dripping sweat, subtle trembles making him shake all over.
“G-get away! Leave me alone! P-please…I can’t take it anymore…”
Hearing Kalim whimper out those words broke Jamil’s heart. It chilled him to the bone. He was not used to the heir being so…depressed. So scared. It hearkened back to all the times Jamil had saved him from a poisoning or kidnapping. Kalim would always be so petrified. The servant carefully walked over to the bed, wincing at the heat radiating off the boy.
“Kali? I’m here. Jamil is here. I’ll take care of you now. You’re going to be alright.” Jamil swiftly picked Kalim up into his arms, ignoring the way his heart shattered at the terrified shriek the heir let out. The brunette rushed him to the infirmary, fear clawing its way up his throat. What on earth was going on with Kalim?
*~*
Jamil was able to get the white haired boy to the infirmary in record time, even while the boy was screaming at Jamil to let him go. He was scared Jamil was another captor, and Jamil constantly had to reassure him, although it did nothing.
“It’s your Jami, honey. Jami is right here. I’ll protect you.” Jamil wanted so badly to cover his ears from Kalim’s screams. They were too similar to the hallucinations and awful thoughts that the heir would have after being rescued. Those people would torture the boy. Jamil knew that. He was the only one who helped Kalim after those incidents. Why did I never realize I am the only person he has? His father likes to make sure he’s okay physically, but no one checks on him mentally.
The nurses did a quick health spell on Kalim, and immediately gasped. “It’s appendicitis.”
“Appendicitis…? But…he never complained to me about any pain or anything…” Jamil was shocked. Usually, when Kalim didn’t feel good, he would be more clingy than usual towards Jamil. The brunette knew their relationship was strained right now but Kalim was oblivious and happy-go-lucky. Surely…he would still act that way when he was sick, right? He never seemed to care before if Jamil was actually able to comfort him or not, he just did what he pleased. He always took without thinking of the consequences. But now, it seemed like Kalim shut himself down. Did Jamil’s overblot really affect him that much? Did something finally get through that dense head of his? Even if it had…this wasn’t how Jamil wanted it to get through to the heir. The brunette was just now realizing this as he watched Kalim lay there, the thin body racked with pain and sickness.
Kalim was oblivious to what Jamil had gone through, yes. But was it really his fault? No. It was his parents and the system at fault. That was what caged the brunette in the first place. Not Kalim. Jamil could have talked to Kalim, too, about what his issues were. Even if Kalim was oblivious and dense sometimes, he would listen. He was a good friend that way. He always tried to help in any way he could. He most likely would have listened to Jamil. He would have helped him. He would have made the necessary changes if Jamil had just talked to him about what was bothering him. But he didn’t. Really, Jamil realized he was just as much to blame for this as Kalim, if not more so. And the ones who caused all this? Well, that was the system that made him Kalim’s servant in the first place, and his parents for forcing him to hide his skills.
Jamil’s head was in a frenzy, trying to keep up with all the thoughts running through his head. What would he do if Kalim did die? He would lose the only person who ever truly loved him for him. He would lose the only person who ever supported him in what he wanted to do. He would lose the only kind person in his life. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to lose Kalim. But now, it seemed almost too late to realize all of this.
Jamil stood back as he watched the doctor come in, and people shoved him out of the room. Random words of “operate immediately” and “not much time” were bounded around, but Jamil only had eyes for Kalim. The one he always cared for. The one he always loved.
You’re not allowed to love him. Stay away from him.
That was what Jamil was told all his life. So he turned that love into hate. But the love was still there. Always, no matter how much he tried to deny it.
Too bad, father. I do love him…
Jamil was shooed out of the room by the doctor. They needed to operate on Kalim as soon as possible, before his appendix actually burst.
And there, outside of the infirmary room where Kalim was being operated on, Jamil finally broke down. He fell to his knees, his whole body racked with sobs as he shoved his face in his hands. His hands became wet with his tears. “Please…please don’t leave me, Kalim…I do love you. I do care for you. Please let me show you. Don’t leave me…”
*~*
After a few hours, the door opened, and Jamil was right in the doctor’s face instantly.
“How is he? Will he…make it?”
“Yes, he’ll be fine. He’ll be in a lot of pain the next few days, though, and he could have bouts of nausea and fever. But he’ll be fine.”
“Thank you, doctor.” Jamil said, and before the doctor could answer, he rushed into the room. He was greeted with an argument.
“N-no! Please don’t! Don’t put that in me! I- please don’t hurt me…I’ll be good! I promise!”
Okay, so Kalim was still delirious. Jamil had an inkling he was remembering some of the times when he was kidnapped and…bad things were done to him. The brunette rushed over quickly, telling the nurses to step aside.
“Kalim, hey! Look at me. No one is going to hurt you. I promise. Please, Kali. Calm down. I’m right here.” Jamil tried using Kalim’s childhood nickname on him, hoping it would have the desired affect.
It didn’t.
“J-Jami…I’m so sorry I’ve hurt you. I know you hate me. You can leave me now. I-I want you to be happy and free, even though it’ll hurt me. I’m just so selfish…I’m sorry…” Kalim mumbled incoherently. The heir started sobbing, tears streaming down his face, wincing as the sobs racking his body made his healing side ache horribly. Jamil couldn’t handle it. He wrapped his arms gently around Kalim’s shoulders, running a hand through the white hair.
“Please, sunshine. You need to breathe. You need to calm down-“
“No! I…please…I can’t handle anymore…” Kalim was beyond comprehension, sobbing and squirming in Jamil’s arms, trying to get away but simultaneously trying to get closer. Jamil motioned to the nurses to continue the treatment. He held on tight to Kalim as they got closer with the sedative.
“Shhh, it’s okay, baby. It’s okay. Jami is not going to leave you. I’m right here.” Jamil continued to talk through Kalim’s frightened cries, his voice remaining steady but his eyes leaking his own tears. The nurses were able to get the sedative into the boy, even though he tried desperately to fight the darkness that was overtaking him. His blurry, red, scared eyes looked into Jamil’s.
“I-I’m so sorry, Jami…” His words were slurred, and eventually he lost his battle. Jamil breathed a sigh of relief as the heir’s eyes finally closed, his body relaxing as he fell into a much-needed, healing sleep.
The nurses explained how they wanted to keep him here for a few days, to make sure his side was healing nicely. Jamil nodded, and watched as they left, pulling up a chair next to the bed and relaxing into it.
“Oh, Kalim. You don’t need to apologize. I’m the one who should apologize to you…”
*~*
When Kalim awoke next, he didn’t want to open his eyes. His brain was still so confused and foggy, memories of his kidnappings and Jamil hating him intertwining together. He was scared to open his eyes. What if he was still kidnapped? What if Jamil’s overblot form was hovering over him, waiting to kill him? He felt his breathing speeding up, fear overtaking his body. Then, he heard a calm voice.
“Hey, sweetie. It’s okay. You’re alright. Calm your breathing, please.”
Kalim recognized that voice.
“J-Jami?” His ruby red eyes opened, seeing his servant leaning over him, his hand cupping Kalim’s cheek.
“Yeah, I’m here. I- I’m so sorry I hurt you so bad, honey. I guess I didn’t realize how it affected you. You’re always so happy all the time. But, Kalim, I do care for you. You may not believe me, but I really do! And I’m willing to do anything to show you…” This was clearly not the best time to bombard Kalim with all of his feelings and thoughts, but Jamil simply couldn’t help it. The relief he felt at looking into those gorgeous, garnet eyes again made him spew out everything he was thinking and feeling.
Kalim just stared up at him, his eyes big and owlish in a look of innocence. “N-no…it’s okay! I get it…you’ll be truly free after we graduate and you don’t have to care for me here at school! We’re equals here…ow!” Kalim yelped in pain, his side stinging as he tried to sit up. Jamil’s hands gently pushed him back down.
“Stop, honey, don’t strain yourself. Your appendix was inflamed. You had to have surgery.”
Kalim gasped slightly.
“Was that why I was feeling so sick?”
“Yes. Please know, Kalim, that when anything feels wrong, you can always come and talk to me about it. I promise I won’t get mad or yell at you. I’m gonna try to do better, okay? I need to know if you’re feeling sick. Please.”
Kalim hesitantly nodded, too tired at this moment to even respond. Jamil could easily see the flicker of doubt in his eyes, and he sighed. It was going to take a little while for the two to get back to their previous level of trust, but Jamil was prepared to do anything for this boy.
“Go back to sleep, honey. You need it.” Jamil smiled softly and gently brushed his fingertips over Kalim’s delicate eyelids, making them close. Kalim fell asleep almost instantly, and Jamil placed a hand on his forehead, monitoring his lowering fever.
“That’s it, sunshine. I love you…” And Jamil realized he really, really did.