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♾️
“Mike, you gotta do something. Luke is doing it again, and he won’t let Ash or I do anything. It’s been like, a week and a half since we spoke to him. We’ve tried talking to him, tried getting him to go out with us, but nothing’s working.” Calum starts, making Michael sigh. “Trust me, we feel the same way. I tried getting him to write how he’s feeling, maybe turn it into a song, but he wouldn’t listen.” Ashton adds, sitting back on his sofa. Michael chews his lip, thinking. “We were kinda hoping you’d try and go in, you know, examine the battlefield. See what headspace he’s in.” Calum suggests hopefully, watching Michael for a reaction. “Ok. I’ll try. Who knows what’ll happen if nobody tries.”
That garners protests from the other two. “Yeah, but your ‘tries’ didn’t get anywhere. You gotta try.” Michael emphasizes. “You guys look and see if we can go to like, Joshua Tree for a week or something, I’ll talk to Luke.” He starts a game plan, Calum and Ashton making noises of agreement.
A week goes by, and Michael still hasn’t spoken to Luke, he’s been busy. The other two have been looking for a retreat-type place, and it’s a lot harder than one would hope for, it seems Joshua Tree is quite a popular place in November. Finally, Saturday night, Michael is free. He doesn’t text Luke, figuring that would give him time to clean up. Michael doesn’t want to see clean, he doesn’t want to see fake. He wants to see raw, no pretending, no acting, Luke.
Knocking on Luke’s door is not something he’s done often, typically just free-balling it into Luke’s living space. A few seconds later, the front door opens, revealing a quite alarming image of the blond. His hair is greasy, he has a pretty decent mini-beard growing, he has circles under his eyes, it doesn’t look like he’s changed out of his clothes in a few days. “Hey there, buddy. How’s it going?” Michael goes for casual, choosing to ignore the rest. “Michael? Why’re you here?” Luke sounds tired, a little bit of shock mixing in as well. “Checking in on ya. Figured it’s been a minute since we’ve talked, so…” Michael trails off, unsure of Luke’s next actions.
“So you thought showing up on my doorstep unannounced would be a good way of ‘talking’?” Luke chastises, which Michael can honestly say was not expected. “Yeah, why not, ya know? YOLO and all that. Anyways, I’m gonna come in now.” Michael opts to use sarcasm as his cop out. “You can’t come in, I haven’t… haven’t cleaned up.” Luke denies him entry. “Ok, here’s how it’s gonna go. Either you let me come in and help you clean up and clean you up, or I go back to Calum and Ashton, and all three of us come as one force to help. It won’t be pretty if all three of us show up. Calum’s gonna bring some cake shit, Ashton will probably bring incense and a candle, which could catch your whole house on fire. And then me, just me, I’ll bring nothing, because I told you so.” Michael rants, watching as Luke processes.
It seems to dawn on Luke, what his options are at the moment. “Yeah, let me in. Thank you.” Michael pushes past Luke while he’s still weighing out his options. He can hear Luke shut the door and start to scramble after him, but he doesn’t care. “First things first: where’s Piggy?” Michael asks, looking around, but there’s no sign of the dog anywhere. “I had Sierra take her for a few days… I couldn’t… I just couldn’t, Mike.” Luke sounds so fucking tired. “Oh, ok. Well, that’s one less thing to worry about.” Michael chews on the inside of his cheek as he glances around, inspecting the damage. Thankfully, it’s not too bad, it’s still pretty rough. “Alrighty then, you, Mr. Hemmings, are gonna go hop in the shower, and clean yourself up.” Michael directs with a smile. Luke makes a face.
Michael makes a face right back. “Go, I want to see you clean and trimmed a bit, ‘kay? I’m going to start with dishes.” Michael starts to actually push Luke out of the living room and towards the stairs. “I’m going, I’m going.” Luke gives in. “Thank you, you’re gross.” The dirty blond chastises, turning around towards the kitchen.
(1:18p.m) Michael:
Starting in the right direction might be here a while
(1:18p.m) Cal-Pal (U.S):
Define “a while”, my guy
(1:19p.m) Michael:
Like, a while dudes. I’m cleaning out his sink
(1:19p.m) Ash (U.S):
Ooh. Ok. Any other progress?
Michael stacks the dirty dishes, taking a deep breath, replying to the others before starting.
(1:21p.m) Michael:
Yeah, he’s in the shower finally, after I threatened I’d make you guys come over
And he gave Piggy to Si for a few days, apparently.
(1:21p.m) Cal-Pal (U.S):
He’s in the shower bc you threatened him? With us?
Wot?
(1:22p.m) Ash (U.S):
He gave Petunia away for a few days?
Are we sure this is Luke?
Like, our Luke?
Michael laughs as he reads the texts, shaking his head as Calum argues back. He’s halfway through the stack of dishes, and he’s feeling quite proud. It’s not much, but it’s helping Luke, which is all that matters in this current moment. There’s movement from upstairs so Luke is out of the shower, good sign.
Luke comes down when Michael is almost done drying the dishes, putting them in their respectful cupboards. He looks different, a good different. His hair is clean and he’s down to his famous “almost-there stubble”. Michael smiles at him. “You’re clean now, yay.” He raises his hands, a dishcloth in one and a plate in the other, and starts to dance in a little circle. The things he does for Luke. It works, though. Luke laughs breathily, not a full, committed, squeaky one. But it’s something.
By four-thirty, everything is as clean as it can get, there’s laundry in the wash, and Michael is currently trying get food delivered. After refraining from yelling at his phone, Michael finally has food coming, because all of Luke’s food went bad and Michael can’t cook to save anybody’s life.
Luke is dealing with his laundry, which, Michael is so proud of him for doing. But he’s humming and singing something under his breath, which has Michael’s interest piqued. He thinks about how he’s gonna phrase the question, as to not startle Luke out of answering, but a few words come to his attention, first. “Leave it up to me to fuck it up without a good reason. I know, hmmm, my own fault.” Michael wonders if it’s a song Luke is working on. “You don’t have to answer, but what’s the song you’re singing?” He asks carefully, observing how Luke reacts. It’s not at all how Michael pictured, it’s a calm turn of the head with some lip chewing, contemplation.
“It’s a song I’m working on.. I think.. I think I’m trying to tell everyone how I feel sometimes, without, ya know… saying it directly.” Luke seems to shrink a little bit while admitting this. Michael processes, “Ok. I understand that, that’s why you’re a songwriter, Lu. That’s how you open up, not only to everyone in the whole world, but to us, your best friends, and most importantly, it’s how you open up to yourself.” He says earnestly, watching Luke take an intake of air. “Songwriting is scary, it’s vulnerability at it’s finest. You are literally putting yourself bare for all these people to look at through words and it’s fucken’ terrifying. But sometimes it’s ok to be vulnerable.” He continues, stepping a little bit closer. “I’m here to help you through that scariness,” Michael smiles a little at the word, such a childish word, but it fits. “I’m here to help you through that vulnerability, so are Ashton and Cal, we’re all here. We will always be here.” Michael tries his best to make sure that Luke knows that.
Luke is just watching him with big baby blue eyes, he’s hearing every word Michael is saying to him, and he’s holding on to them, tight.
The next day, Luke offers to show Michael the lyrics he has written. Michael always loves Luke’s handwriting, it’s loopy and swirly, it has character. It could be Disney movie handwriting. Luke’s handwriting is just another branch of the beautiful Luke Hemming’s tree. Michael goes over the lyrics, mentally adding notes of what needs to be fixed or re-written, what could be edited, what words need to be cut out or added. Producer shit.
“This is a really, really good song so far, Luke. Like, really good. Single, on an album, private. Whatever you want, but this should be an actual, audible, song.” Michael praises, re-reading the lyrics again. “You think?” Luke questions, looking at Michael with big eyes, unsure about his work. “Uh, yeah. I wanna produce on this, I wanna work on this.” Michael emphasizes is want to make sure Luke is seen through different words, but he knows what the message is.
♾️
Calum and Ashton are up front, fighting over the right way to get to this random cabin that Ashton found. Michael glances over to Luke, rolling his eyes as Luke giggles. Michael grins and then proceeds to start mocking Ashton, making Luke burst out laughing. “Well, we gotta take this shit-ass drive for twenty-six hours and we can pullover every four for a piss.” He continues until Luke has careened over onto Michael’s shoulder. He laughs harder when Ashton flips Michael the bird, showing that he heard him. “Keep that finger up for much longer and I’ll suck on it.” Michael grins. “Oh, fuck I’m cramping, shit,” Luke whines through his laughter, but doesn’t stop laughing. Michael’s comment got Calum to huff out a laugh, as well.
It takes them longer than it should’ve to get to this cabin in Northern California because Luke does have to piss every few hours. “Are we there yet?” Michael asks watching the snow outside the car stick to the ground more and more. They’re going into the mountains. “Almost, thirty more minutes.” Ashton promises. Luke fell asleep a little while ago, slumping over onto Michael.
“I think I wanna share the song with the other guys.” Luke says quietly as they get situated. The best Ashton could find was a three bedroom, two bath airbnb, so Michael and Luke are sharing a room. The comment makes pride swell in Michael’s chest, even if they’ve all been writing together for ten years now. “Yeah?” He asks, lounging on the bed, his game paused. “Yeah. I feel like if I share it here, I don’t have anywhere to hide, so.. I can’t run from my fears.” Luke is staring at the bedspread, not even sparing a glance towards Michael. “Ok. As long as you want to do it. I’ll support you, you know that. I also wanna get this song recorded, so I’m behind that, too.” Michael softens the concerned mood that overtook the room.
Luke smiles at him. “Yeah, I think it should be recorded for the album.” Luke reveals, making Michael grin. “Fuck yeah! Oh, I can not wait! Can not wait to record this.” Michael celebrates, making Luke laugh, he seems to be doing that a lot. He never wants Luke’s smile to fade, so he’s happy making Luke laugh for as long as he can. “What can we not wait to record?” Calum’s face pokes around the corner, curiously. “I wrote a song… and I was telling Mike that I think we should record it. He’s happy that I said we should put it on the album.” Luke turns and explains.
“You’ve heard it?” Calum asks Michael, who shrugs. “Voice notes and a general premise of the body. Also, the lyrics are fucking incredible. Some words need to be tweaked, but it’s incredible.” Michael says, proud. “Sweet. I’m down to record this mystery song. Ash! You down to record a mystery song?!” Calum shouts down the hall, hearing a faint: “huh” followed by footsteps. “I said, you down to record a mystery song that Luke wrote?” Calum reiterates. “Oh, yeah, why not? Tonight?” Ashton asks, smiling. “We’re in a cabin, Ash. No, not tonight.” Michael deadpans. Ashton smiles and flips him the bird… again. “This is abuse.” Michael claims.
Luke waits with baited breath as Ashton and Calum go over his lyrics. Michael watches him curiously, he’s never seen Luke so apprehensive over a song before, but it’s a personal song to him. “Yeah, that could work, Luke.. I like the “bullshit I feed myself” part. I already have an idea for the guitar parts and stuff.” Calum says, making Luke smile a little. “It’s personal. And I like that. I mean, we always try to be transparent in writing, and that’s something we’ve worked on. And I think that this is a perfect song for that. I’m down to record it, and to release it, if you’re ok with it.” Ashton adds, focusing his gaze on Luke.
♾️
Michael is basking in the comfort of the screams, the reading of signs, and the crash of the drums. Dancing around on stage, making faces at Calum and getting up in Luke’s space. Tour is his happy place. “Ok, this is a new one, you think you can help me sing it, Little Rock?” Luke shouts into his microphone, glancing at Michael with a grin, garnering a thumbs up. “This is Me, Myself, and I!”