Archive of Our Own

Hanbin always knew that this day would come. The day that Matthew was finally going to abandon him for his boyfriend, Keita. He just wasn’t ready for it to happen today.

He hadn’t exactly had the best day. He overslept, making him late for his first class, which made the professor who already seems to hate him dislike him even more. He didn’t have time to eat today, running to his next class after receiving an earful from his first professor. As if that wasn’t enough, he kept messing up his steps at his dance practice. All he wanted to do today when he got home was complain to Matthew, but then he got home and Matthew, Keita, and Zhang Hao were spread across the futon, Zhang Hao looking frustrated.

“What do you mean I need to move out?” Zhang Hao repeats, and Keita sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry, Hao, but we’ve been together two years. We want to live together, and we chose my apartment. Stay as long as you need to make the adjustment, but the decision has already been made.”

Zhang Hao lets out a deep sigh, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. “Why our apartment?”

“Hanbin’s mom owns this complex, it’s not like I’m going to ask him to move out of his mom’s house.” Matthew provides, a sorry look on his face.

Hanbin decides now to make his presence known. “You’re moving out? When?”

Matthew startles at his voice, looking more guilty. “I was hoping to talk to you about it later tonight.”

Hanbin lets out a frustrated noise, sliding his bag onto the floor and walking up the stairs to shower. He’ll deal with this later.

It’s not like he was mad at Matthew. Matthew was like a brother to him, and he’d never seen Matthew as happy as he was since he met Keita. If this is what he wanted to do, Hanbin would support him 100%. It was just kind of inconvenient timing for him. Plus, it’s not like he had back-up roommate candidates ready at all times.

After his shower his mind felt a lot clearer, and he finally stalks back down to join the conversation.

Zhang Hao seems less annoyed, still a little frustrated. Hanbin feels bad for him. Despite not being super close with the older boy, he knew how important he was to Keita, and he often hung out around Hanbin and Matthew’s apartment, even if he kept to himself. Hanbin had never heard him talk about having a group of friends, and he wondered if he even had anywhere to go.

“Zhang Hao,” he greeted the older boy, taking a seat beside him, “do you need a place to stay?”

Zhang Hao startles a little at his words, turning to face him. “What?”

Hanbin feels a little embarrassed, this probably sounds like it’s coming out of nowhere to him. “Do you need a place to stay? Since, y’know, you’re basically being kicked out. I’ll have an empty room, and you’re welcome to move in. Better you than a complete stranger, don’t you think?”

Zhang Hao seems a little surprised, attention redirecting to the soda he’s holding in his hands. Despite this, he seems to be thinking it over, which is something Hanbin hadn’t really been expecting.

“Yeah, okay. That’d be great, thank you.” He concludes, turning to Hanbin with a soft smile. “Can I get your number? Y’know, to talk this over?”

“Yeah, of course.” Hanbin says, pulling his phone out of his back pocket. He hands it to Zhang Hao, who now turns to Keita.

“I forgive you, but only because this was resolved so quickly.”

Keita seems to relax at this, reaching across Matthew to exaggeratedly shake Zhang Hao’s hand. “Thank you,” he says, whether to Zhang Hao or Hanbin, Hanbin’s not sure.

Matthew moves out gradually over the next couple weeks, though his presence is basically non-existent in Hanbin’s apartment. Zhang Hao moves in at the same time, and Hanbin becomes accustomed to the halls being full of boxes, as well as not knowing who they belong to.

In his head when he had asked Zhang Hao to move in, he thought it would be an opportunity for them to get closer. Zhang Hao didn’t seem to share this thought process, however, because he spent most of his time in his room. At first, Hanbin figured it was because he was unpacking and adjusting, but the behavior continued long after the last box was broken down, and Hanbin didn’t know how to proceed from there.

He had never had the awkward roommate experience, living with Matthew from straight out of high school. Matthew had been his best friend for years, so he forgot it could be any other way. Aside from the occasional shared meals in silence, he hardly ever saw the older boy. He almost felt like he lived alone sometimes.

If Zhang Hao wanted to be distant, that was fine with him. He was a good roommate in other ways. Never late with rent, cleaned up after himself, and was quiet. They didn’t have to be best friends to coexist. He almost wishes they were though, just so he wouldn’t have to feel like he was third wheeling every time he hung out with his best friend.

Another month passes, and then another, and Hanbin realizes that he can’t live in awkward silence, tiptoeing in his own apartment so as to not disturb the older boy. A new term at university has started, and now their schedules are so different that Hanbin is lucky if he sees Zhang Hao once a week, as he’s gone before Hanbin wakes up and is in bed before Hanbin gets back from dance practice. Sometimes, he can hear soft violin music through the walls, and sometimes he even lets himself pause in the hallway, straining to hear the melody through the door.

He finally brings it up to Keita one day. He waits until Matthew leaves the two in Keita’s living room to use the bathroom. He’s not sure why he’s embarrassed, it’s not like he or Zhang Hao are potentially ignoring the other, or at least, he’s not. But for some reason, he doesn’t want Matthew to know.

“Keita?” Hanbin asks, not looking away from the TV.

“Hm?” Keita hums, “what’s up?”

“What is Zhang Hao like?” he asks, and he knows he didn’t phrase that correctly when he can hear Keita moving on the couch, clearly turning to look at him.

“Oh?” Keita asks, a teasing lilt in his voice. Hanbin doesn’t like it.

“Not like that.” He says, waving his hand dismissively and turning to meet Keita’s gaze. “I meant as a roommate.”

“Oh,” Keita says, dropping the amused look in his eyes, “He was a good roommate for me. Always paid on time and cleaned up after himself. We spent a lot of time together. He’s kind of clingy, haven’t you noticed?”

“No.” Hanbin says, voice flat. “I barely notice him at all, that’s the problem.”

“What do you mean?”

“I haven’t seen him since last Wednesday, and even then it was only him walking up to his room as I was getting back from practice. I don’t think I’ve actually heard him speak a full sentence in like a month.”

“That’s weird,” Keita offers, and Hanbin nods. It is weird.

“Do you think he hates me?” Hanbin asks, turning to look at the TV again.

“Zhang Hao? No way. He doesn’t hate anyone. He’s genuinely so nice.” Keita reassures, but Hanbin doesn’t buy it.

“Then why won’t he talk to me?”

“Why won’t who talk to you?” he hears Matthew asks, sitting between him and Keita.

“Nobody. It’s nothing.” Hanbin says, shrugging his shoulders before repositioning himself to sit more comfortably.

Keita doesn’t say anything, which Hanbin is thankful for. He already knows that Matthew still feels guilty for moving out on such short notice, the weekly hangouts being his first clue. He doesn’t want to make it worse for the younger boy with his roommate problems.

Could it really even be considered a problem?

“Whoever it is, hyung,” Matthew starts, reaching for Hanbin’s hand, “maybe try talking to them first. You’re pretty likeable, y’know. I’m sure you could win them over.”

Hanbin lets Matthew rub the back of his hand with his thumb, taking comfort in the action. He appreciates Matthew’s advice, giving a small nod in response. Matthew must sense his inner turmoil, moving away from Keita to curl into Hanbin’s side.

“I’m sure it’ll be okay.” Matthew says, resting his head on Hanbin’s shoulder. Hanbin rests his head on top of Matthew, as a sort of thank you. He knows Matthew knows what he means, and some of the weight is lifted off his shoulders. It’ll all be okay.

—

Even after talking to Matthew and Keita about it, Hanbin finds himself still struggling to destroy the peace that blankets his apartment. He wants to talk to Zhang Hao, to get to know someone new, to be friends with someone other than his best friend’s boyfriend. Hanbin has a lot of acquaintances, but he has few true friends, and has the ability to count them on one hand. He wants to close the gap that he let build between the two of them, but he also doesn’t know how he’ll recover if it turns out Zhang Hao does hate him, that he doesn’t want anything to do with him.

It takes him about a week to finally stand in front of Zhang Hao’s door. Even then, he still stands there for far too long, legs tense from him locking his knees in place. He can hear Zhang Hao practicing through the door, vibrato piercing the poorly soundproofed walls. He takes a deep breath, counting to ten before raising his hand to knock on the door.

He hears the music stop almost immediately, an off-pitch note coming off the violin. I probably scared him Hanbin thinks, taking a step back. He hears a slight rustling sound, before the door opens.

This is the first time he’s properly looked at Zhang Hao in a while, two months maybe. He’s thinner than Hanbin remembers, clothes draping awkwardly off his small frame. His hair is messy, roots peeking through the mop of red. His face is thinner too, eyes tired. Eyes that are looking at Hanbin curiously. He should probably say something.

“Do you hate me?”

Well, he probably shouldn’t have said that. He winces as soon as it leaves his lips.

Zhang Hao startles at the question, loosening his hold on the door enough that it slides open the rest of the way. Hanbin doesn’t want to look at Zhang Hao’s face right now, so he looks over his shoulder at his room that he hasn’t seen since Zhang Hao fully unpacked.

It’s cleaner than he would’ve thought, especially considering how much time he spends in there. Everything seems to have a place. The few posters he has on the wall have no creases and are perfectly straight. His instruments are tucked away into one corner, his bed in another corner, which is also perfectly made.

“What?” Zhang Hao asks, blinking up at Hanbin. It’s weird, Zhang Hao is definitely taller, but he seems so much smaller right now, and Hanbin feels guilty.

“I’m sorry.” He apologizes, and Zhang Hao looks even more confused and uncomfortable, and Hanbin considers abandoning the whole thing. He doesn’t. “I meant, do you not like living with me?”

That really doesn’t sound any better, he realizes, and Zhang Hao tilts his head at him.

“I’m sorry, but I really don’t understand.” Zhang Hao says, and he sounds sincere. Hanbin hasn’t heard him talk in so long he almost forgot that Zhang Hao wasn’t a native speaker, a slight accent to his words. It’s nice, Hanbin realizes.

“I just,” Hanbin sighs, a little frustrated with himself, “Is there a reason you’re always in your room? Did I do something wrong?”

Zhang Hao seems a little embarrassed at this, flinching at the words, clearly caught. “Oh.”

“So I did do something.” Hanbin says, a little softer.

“You didn’t do anything. I’m just a little intimidated by you, that’s all.” Zhang Hao says, words rushed.

“Intimidated? By me?” Hanbin asks, pointing at himself for extra effect. “Why?”

Zhang Hao still seems embarrassed, and in the dim lighting of the hallway Hanbin thinks his ears might be pink. He can’t tell for sure.

“You’re important to Matthew, who is important to Keita, who is important to me. I was worried that I was going to mess up the whole dynamic, so I avoided you. But it seems I ended up messing it up anyways.” Zhang Hao says, trailing off. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

Oddly enough, it makes Hanbin feel better knowing that he wasn’t the problem.

“It’s okay. I understand.” Hanbin says, offering a smile to Zhang Hao, who shyly gives his own in return.

They stand in increasingly awkward silence, Zhang Hao’s hand on the doorknob like he wants to run. Hanbin doesn’t want to let him go. He doesn’t know when he’ll see him again.

“We don’t have to, but I’d like to get to know you better.” He offers, watching for an answer on Zhang Hao’s face.

“Okay.” Zhang Hao says, releasing his hold on his doorknob, stepping out of his room into the hallway, “What do you want to know?”

Hanbin finally feels like he’s won, but he hadn’t planned to get this far. He has so many things he wants to know, but none of these questions are making it to the forefront of his mind right now.

Zhang Hao, thankfully, isn’t as awkward as Hanbin feared he was, moving towards the stairs. “Do you want to have dinner together?”

Hanbin nods almost immediately, following Zhang Hao down to the living room. “I’ll order something.”

Hanbin doesn’t really know what Zhang Hao likes, so he settles for pizza, hoping the older boy doesn’t have some super rare strange allergy that’ll ruin this awkward flow they have going on.

He sits next to Zhang Hao on the couch, who is scrolling through Twitter on his phone.

“So, uh.” Hanbin starts, mind blanking. “What’s your major?”

“Ah! That’s right, I never told you. I’m studying classical music. Or at least, that’s what my concentration is. I want to be a music teacher.” Zhang Hao says, more animated than Hanbin has ever seen him.

“So what do you play? Or do you sing?” Hanbin asks. It’s a stupid question. He knows what Zhang Hao plays, he hears it every other day. Still, it’s an excuse to get Zhang Hao to talk, so he’ll take what he can get right now.

“Oh, I play violin and piano. I sing too.” Zhang Hao says, turning to face Hanbin fully. “What about you? What are you studying?”

“I’m studying to be a teacher too, funnily enough. Elementary though.” Hanbin says.

“Oh really?” Zhang Hao says, urging Hanbin to add on.

“Yeah. I was either going to do this, or become a therapist. But I love kids, so I wanted to help teach them.”

“Don’t you dance, too?” Zhang Hao asks, and Hanbin startles a little at the question. How did Zhang Hao know that?

“Yeah, I’ve been dancing since middle school. I’m on the university’s dance team.”

“I thought so!” Zhang Hao says, clapping his hands together. “I passed that room a couple weeks ago and thought I saw you, but we aren’t really close, so I didn’t think it’d be right to ask.”

“That was me.” Hanbin offers lamely, thankful when he hears a knock on the door. “Food’s here. Hope pizza is okay.”

“Pizza is great.”

—

Zhang Hao is actually really easy to get to know. Hanbin is having a hard time believing that he was so reserved a little more than three hours ago. He has a lot of questions, and a lot of passion for answering Hanbin’s questions. He talks with his hands a lot, Hanbin notices. He’s super animated in the way he talks, and Hanbin thinks it might be a leftover habit from when he was learning to speak Korean, having to use his hands to get his point across.

Aside from the slight accent, Hanbin would never suspect that Zhang Hao wasn’t a native speaker, as he keeps surprising Hanbin with his large vocabulary. Hanbin’s always been expressive, so he knows Zhang Hao notices, always looking a little more confident when met with Hanbin’s slack jaw.

The pizza is long gone, the box carelessly shut on the coffee table, next to where Zhang Hao has his feet rested, a hand running lazily through his hair.

It’s been quiet for a little while, but it’s not nearly as painful as it was earlier. Hanbin actually finds himself quite comfortable in Zhang Hao’s presence, and it reminds him of the early days of his friendship with Matthew.

“Do you have class tomorrow?” Zhang Hao asks, turning his head slightly to look at Hanbin.

“Nope, what about you?”

Zhang Hao shakes his head. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?”

Oh. Zhang Hao is offering to spend time with him. Zhang Hao wants to spend time with him. That thought makes him a little happier than he thinks it should, but he ignores it.

“Sure. I’ll clean up, you pick something.” Hanbin says, standing and grabbing the pizza box to take outside to recycling. He sees Zhang Hao give him a thumbs up from the couch, reaching for the remote with his other hand.

The cool air feels nice on his skin, and now that he’s outside of the range of Zhang Hao he lets himself freely smile. It’s nice to know that Zhang Hao doesn’t hate him. He seems to like him actually, which is what he wanted. Hanbin has been tolerated many times before. He wants to be liked.

He throws out the box before turning to walk back into the apartment, where he’s met with the screen of what looks like a so-bad-its-good rom-com and no Zhang Hao. He frowns, plopping back down in his original seat.

A few minutes later he hears Zhang Hao coming back down the stairs, blanket in his hands. Zhang Hao grins at him, sitting directly next to Hanbin this time, before spreading the blanket over both of their laps.

“So you don’t get cold.” He says, as if its obvious. And maybe it is. But Hanbin can’t help but focus on the fact that Zhang Hao had thought of him. He’s used to being the oldest in his friend group, taking care of those his age and younger. He likes taking care of people, so he doesn’t mind, but he had forgotten what it was like for someone to think about his needs, and suddenly he feels a little too warm.

He nods, turning his head to the TV, hands fidgeting with the blanket absentmindedly. “Thanks,” he supplies lamely, and he feels Zhang Hao readjust to be more comfortable.

—

When Zhang Hao’s head drops on his shoulder, it takes everything in Hanbin not to jump out of his skin.

He hadn’t even noticed that Zhang Hao been nodding off, far too absorbed in the movie that was playing on the screen. Now he can’t help but notice, trying his best not to move as Zhang Hao’s breaths even out, eyelids fluttering shut.

What is he supposed to do now?

This rarely happens to him, and when it does happen it’s usually Matthew, who he can pawn off to Keita. But he’s alone now, and Zhang Hao looks so peaceful that Hanbin doesn’t want to disturb him.

He stays there like that until the credits of the movie flash across the screen, neck and shoulders stiffening from how still he’s sitting. He reluctantly moves, hand shaking Zhang Hao gently.

“Hao,” he whispers. Nothing. “Hao hyung,” he tries again, and Zhang Hao groans a little, eyes fluttering open.

He mumbles a little under his breath to make what Hanbin thinks is a question. He answers it anyways.

“You fell asleep, Hao hyung. The movie’s over. You should go to bed.” Hanbin offers, watching Zhang Hao sit up, stretching his arms above his head.

Zhang Hao looks at him, blinking between Hanbin’s face and his shoulder before his face floods with pink. It happens so fast, Hanbin is almost impressed.

“Oh! I’m sorry.” Zhang Hao says, clearly embarrassed. Hanbin hates seeing it. As much as his shoulders are going to hate him tomorrow, he liked it. Hanbin is a naturally touchy person, but once Matthew started dating Keita he backed off with his affections. No matter how many times Keita said it was okay, Hanbin naturally retreated back into his bubble. He’d forgotten how much he enjoyed being physically close with people.

“Don’t be!” Hanbin says, waving his hands out in front of him like that’ll clear away everything. “I don’t mind at all.”

Zhang Hao looks at him skeptically, so Hanbin reaches for his hand as if to prove his point further. Zhang Hao’s eyes follow the motion, letting Hanbin hold and shake his hand exaggeratedly in the air. He drops Zhang Hao’s hand awkwardly, waiting for any kind of response.

“Okay,” is all Zhang Hao says before breaking into a yawn, and Hanbin can’t help but notice how tired he looks. “good night Hanbin.”

“Good night hyung.”

—

The next morning Zhang Hao seems more alive than Hanbin thinks he’s ever seen him. Granted, he doesn’t get to see him a lot, so maybe he’s a morning person (a freak of nature) or something. But Zhang Hao is smiling widely at him when he awkwardly shuffles down the stairs, moving to brew coffee. Zhang Hao has already brewed a pot.

“Good morning,” he offers, turning to find a mug. He hears Zhang Hao giggle behind him, and he turns to see what’s so funny.

“Good morning. Sleep well?” Zhang Hao says, pointing to what Hanbin can only assume is a horrible case of bedhead. He’s not used to seeing anyone this early in the morning, he hadn’t even thought to brush his hair before stalking out of his room this morning.

“Ah,” he says, hand coming up to push the hair down onto his head. The damage is done, he supposes, turning back to make his coffee. “I slept alright, how about you?”

“Good!” Zhang Hao says. Yep, definitely a morning person. “What are you doing today?”

“Probably going over to Matthew and Keita’s.” Hanbin responds, turning around with his mug in hand, leaning over the counter to look at where Zhang Hao is seated with his laptop.

Zhang Hao’s smile drops, just a little, just enough that Hanbin probably wouldn’t have noticed if he wasn’t staring, but he was, and he does. “You’re welcome to come with me, y’know. I’d prefer it actually. Tired of third wheeling.”

Zhang Hao smiles at that, nodding. “I remember that. Matthew used to be over all the time, and sometimes it felt like they forgot that I was there. Count me in.”

Hanbin was half expecting him to back out, to retreat back into the solace of his room and explain that he doesn’t want anything to do with Hanbin at all. That doesn’t happen, and Zhang Hao is looking at Hanbin with poorly masked awe when he climbs into Hanbin’s car. His car isn’t anything fancy, but he takes good care of it.

“I didn’t know you could drive.”

“I got my driver’s license as soon as I could, honestly.” Hanbin says, plugging in his phone and offering it to Zhang Hao, “Play whatever you want.”

Zhang Hao takes the phone, overly careful with it. “You’re giving me too much power, Hanbin.”

Zhang Hao, unexpectedly, is a girl group stan, and the two of them drive across the town listening to various Blackpink songs, Zhang Hao doing a tiny version of the choreography in the passenger seat.

Matthew and Keita don’t live far away, but it feels like the drive goes by extra fast with Zhang Hao filling his car with music and chatter.

When Matthew opens the door he seems pleasantly surprised to see Zhang Hao, glancing between Hanbin and the older boy before moving to let them in. Keita shares a similar expression, before moving to pull his former roommate into a hug.

Matthew tugs at Hanbin’s sleeve, giving him a look that says tell me everything later. Hanbin will not be telling him anything.

It doesn’t take long for the four of them to fall into a familiar rhythm. There were so many nights where the four of them hung out together. The only difference this time is that Zhang Hao is giving him the time of day, and Hanbin is trying to ignore how giddy he’s feeling. Keita and Matthew seem to notice too.

“I didn’t know you two were close,” Matthew says, looking between where Zhang Hao and Hanbin are sitting together on the floor.

“We’re trying to be,” Zhang Hao says, grabbing Hanbin’s hand and shaking it in the air for emphasis. Hanbin simply lets him, grabbing his own hand back out of instinct. “We actually have a lot in common, who would’ve thought.”

With Zhang Hao here, Keita and Matthew seem to let go of any reservations they were holding before, basically one body as Keita pulls Matthew close, cooing at him. Hanbin is thankful Zhang Hao is here, a witness to his suffering, but he also feels bad about subjecting Zhang Hao to it.

Zhang Hao has a playful side, he finds out when Zhang Hao starts fake gagging when Matthew kisses Keita’s cheek. Hanbin finds himself joining in, dramatically covering his eyes and leaning to hide behind Zhang Hao’s shoulders. He can hear the couple snickering from the couch, and then he can feel Zhang Hao getting hit with a throw pillow, pushing him against Hanbin’s chest. Zhang Hao throws it back almost immediately, hitting Keita in the face. Hanbin moves to avoid getting in the middle of their war, Matthew having a similar thought process.

Hanbin and Matthew step into the kitchen, letting the other two fight it out, listening to a mix of giggles and incoherent sounds.

“Was it Zhang Hao?” Matthew says, as soon as their out of earshot.

“Was what Zhang Hao?”

“The one you were worried about.” Matthew says, and Hanbin remembers the last time he was here.

“Oh. Yeah.” Hanbin offers awkwardly, feeling a little insecure under Matthew’s questioning gaze.

“It seems like you had nothing to worry about. He seems to like you.”

Hanbin knows Matthew means that innocently, but it still makes him feel a little flustered. He will admit that he enjoys Zhang Hao’s attention, but he doesn’t like him like that. Matthew seems to be reading his thoughts, and Hanbin can already tell that Matthew is thinking evil thoughts.

“Knock it off. Whatever it is you’re thinking.” Hanbin scolds lightly, laughing when Matthew gives him a fake pout.

Then there’s a thud, and Hanbin and Matthew have to return to the living room to make sure no one is dying. It’s times like this that Hanbin has a hard time believing that Matthew is the youngest out of them all, because he scolds like a strict mother sometimes.

When they return, they find Keita laying on top of Zhang Hao on the floor, giggling. Zhang Hao has an arm wrapped lazily around his waist, laughing to himself on the ground.

“Who won?” Hanbin asks Matthew, and Matthew shakes his head.

“Hell if I know.”

—

Hanbin greatly appreciates that Zhang Hao helps him balance out Keita and Matthew’s energy. He feels like a person again rather than a third wheel. He also appreciates that Zhang Hao wants to spend time with him one on one too.

They have a new weekly routine. On Thursday nights they have movie nights, which more often than not lead to Zhang Hao falling asleep on the couch and Hanbin having to gently guide him to his room without waking him fully. Sometimes Hanbin is content enough to let Zhang Hao rest his head in his lap, stroking his hair while he sleeps. On Friday nights they head over together to Matthew and Keita’s, belting out songs in Hanbin’s car while they drive the long way home, for no other reason than to spend more time together.

It's been a while since Hanbin has had a friend like Zhang Hao. Someone who balances him out but also meets his energy. Someone who is content to just spend a night together in the same room, rather than constantly needing to go out or do something. Someone who seems to understand him almost better than he understands himself.

That’s why it’s so hard on him when Zhang Hao starts getting asked out.

Hanbin really should have seen it coming. This is what happened with Matthew. One date turns into more, and all of a sudden his friend is someone’s partner and he gets left behind again. He doesn’t want to be selfish, doesn’t want to stake a claim on someone like that. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t wish he had a person to be his person.

The first time it happens, Zhang Hao mentions it passively in conversation, joking about it. Hanbin doesn’t really find it funny.

But then it keeps happening. Objectively speaking, Zhang Hao is handsome. He’s charming too, which is why Hanbin isn’t all too surprised that Zhang Hao is suddenly being pursued. If anything, he’s surprised it took this long. Objectively speaking, of course.

“What do you think Hanbin? Do you think I should give someone a chance? I haven’t dated since I was back in China.” Zhang Hao asks him one day, but he doesn’t look up from his phone, like he doesn’t really care about the answer.

Hanbin wants to be supportive.

“I haven’t really dated at all hyung, so I’m probably not the best person to ask. But if you think it might be fun I think you should give it a shot.”

Zhang Hao looks at him curiously, “Really? You’ve never dated anyone?”

Hanbin flushes, ducking his head away. Why did he have to add that part?

“Why? You have to get asked out pretty often. I mean look at you.” Zhang Hao says, and Hanbin can feel Zhang Hao staring at him. He hopes he can blame his red cheeks on his prior embarrassing moment.

“I mean sometimes.” Hanbin says dismissively. “Weren’t we talking about you?”

Zhang Hao smiles, taking pity on Hanbin’s embarrassed state. “Okay, okay. Maybe I will give it a shot.”

And that was the end of the conversation. Hanbin hadn’t really expected it to happen.

Hanbin hears the knock on his door, but he doesn’t even have time to open the door before Zhang Hao bursts in himself, throwing himself down dramatically next to Hanbin on his bed.

“What’s up, Hao-hyung?” Hanbin asks, closing his textbook and tossing it lightly onto the floor.

“I did it. I said yes.” Zhang Hao says, and Hanbin raises a brow at him.

“Said yes to what?”

“Said yes to a guy. To a date.”

Oh.

Hanbin tries his best to ignore that familiar feeling of self-pity, forcing himself to smile. “Oh really? With who? Do I know him?”

“I don’t know, maybe. His name is Lee Jeonghyeon. I think he’s in Matthew’s year. He’s nice, and I don’t know. Seemed like fun. We’re going out tonight.”

“Tonight?” Hanbin asks. Tonight was their weekly movie night. Guess he’ll need to find some other way to occupy himself.

“Oh shoot! Tonight is our night! I can reschedule—”

“Don’t worry about me hyung, I’ll be fine.” Hanbin cuts him off, trying his best to sound reassuring.

“Are you sure?” Zhang Hao asks, but Hanbin can see the hope in his eyes. As self-soothing as he may be, he’s not a monster.

“Yes I’m sure.”

“You’re the best, Hanbinie.” Zhang Hao says, reaching for Hanbin’s hand that lays between them. “Will you help me pick out an outfit?”

Who is Hanbin to say no?

—

Maybe Hanbin should’ve said no. It probably would’ve saved him from a lot of what he was going through right now. Or at least it probably would’ve delayed it.

What is it you may ask? Oh, just the realization that Zhang Hao is hot.

He was staring, and he knew he was, but he physically couldn’t stop himself from doing it. In all the time he had known of Zhang Hao, he had never seen him dressed up. The older boy seemed to prefer to dress comfortably, and Hanbin shared that trait. But now, after about six outfit changes, Hanbin is regretting following Zhang Hao into his room.

Zhang Hao is wearing black slacks, tighter than Hanbin would like them to be. When Zhang Hao isn’t looking, Hanbin can’t help but let his eyes admire how long Zhang Hao’s legs are. Aside from the pants that have Hanbin ready to lock himself away in his room, Zhang Hao is wearing a white button up that is not only also tight, but unbuttoned further than Hanbin wants. He’s overly aware of the fact that he can see Zhang Hao’s chest. He still manages to drag his eyes upward to Zhang Hao’s face. He’s so accustomed to seeing Zhang Hao with an unstyled mop of hair on his head, but tonight Zhang Hao has actually done his hair, parting it so Hanbin can see his forehead. For a lack of better words, Hanbin is having a terrible time.

Zhang Hao is objectively handsome, but he’s subjectively the hottest man Hanbin has ever seen, and he’s going on a date with another guy.

Part of him wants to take it all back, to tell Zhang Hao to stay in tonight, to make up some stupid excuse. He can’t though, because Zhang Hao is so excited and looking at him and— oh shit, he’s waiting for Hanbin to say something.

“How do I look?” he asks.

“Good.” Hanbin manages. It’s all he can manage, and it’s wholeheartedly the truth. He wants to say more, but he’s knows it’s a bad idea, so he forces his mouth shut and his eyes elsewhere.

“Thank you,” Zhang Hao giggles, turning to look at himself in the mirror again. If Hanbin sneaks a glance at his waist, no one needs to know.

Zhang Hao’s phone buzzes, and he’s quick to grab it. He types a little aggressively for a second, before glancing up at Hanbin. “Jeonghyeon’s here, I’m gonna go.”

“Keep me updated?” Hanbin asks, because he’s unwilling to let Zhang Hao go completely. It’s selfish to want to keep himself in the back of Zhang Hao’s head while he’s out with another man, but even Hanbin can be greedy sometimes.

Zhang Hao’s gaze softens, “Of course. I’ll text you.” He says, reaching down to pull Hanbin into a hug. Hanbin can smell his cologne, and all he wants is for Zhang Hao to get out before he makes a fool of himself.

“Have fun.”

He does walk Zhang Hao down to the door, peeking at Jeonghyeon through the window. He’s handsome, and him and Zhang Hao do look good together, much to Hanbin’s dismay. As soon as Jeonghyeon and Zhang Hao are gone, he throws himself dramatically on the couch.

Okay, so maybe he’s a little jealous. He thinks it’s justified. Zhang Hao went from taking up such a miniscule part of his life to such a major part in just a few weeks. It’s been months since Zhang Hao first left his room to talk to Hanbin in the dark hall, but it’s only been a few days since Zhang Hao started talking to this Jeonghyeon. Why does Hanbin have to compete with him for his attention? Sure, him and Zhang Hao are just friends, but Hanbin is oddly attached to him. He hasn’t felt this way before.

Zhang Hao makes him feel safe. Not that he felt unsafe before, but he’s used to being a safe place for his own friends. He’s a year older than Matthew, a few months older than Keita, which apparently makes a world of difference sometimes. His juniors in the dance club, Gyuvin and Yujin, clearly look up to him. He never has time to be a normal 21 year old with his own problems. Except for when he’s with Zhang Hao.

Zhang Hao just seems to know when he’s stressed, and seems to know what to do to counteract it. Sometimes Hanbin wants to be touched, and sometimes he just wants someone there for him. Zhang Hao has some freaky record of being right, sometimes curling into Hanbin’s side on the couch, sometimes sliding him a candy bar across the table like he’s bribing him. It gets a smile out of him every time.

Zhang Hao just gets him, in a way no one ever has before. Don’t get him wrong, Matthew understands him too, their best friend telepathy saving him from having to say so many embarrassing things out loud. But it’s just different with Zhang Hao. He can’t explain it.

Somewhere in all his sulking, Hanbin drifts off to sleep, face pressed into the cushion of the couch, thoughts filled with Zhang Hao and Jeonghyeon.

—

“Hanbinie.”

Hanbin hears a voice piercing through his sleep, groaning as he wakes up. He feels a hand carding through his hair gently, his name repeated.

“Hanbin-ah, wake up.”

Zhang Hao. Hanbin forces his eyes open and sure enough Zhang Hao is there, crouched next to the couch with a fond smile on his face.

“It’s late Hanbin, you should move to your bed, or your neck is going to hurt in the morning.”

“Hyung,” Hanbin lets out, perhaps a little whinier than he meant to. Zhang Hao just hums in response, still stroking Hanbin’s hair.

“I’m here. Did you eat?”

Hanbin shakes his head, still groggy. “How was your date?”

That’s when he actually takes in Zhang Hao’s appearance, and he has a pretty good idea of how the date went.

His hair is a little disheveled, shirt clearly gripped at quite strongly. It’s dark in the living room so he’s not sure, but he thinks he sees a faint mark on Zhang Hao’s neck. His mood sours.

“It went okay. It was fun.” Zhang Hao says, moving to stand up. Hanbin misses the feeling of his hand in his hair. “You should eat something. Do you want me to make you something?”

Why did Zhang Hao have to be so nice? As much as Hanbin wants to spend time with him right now, he thinks hearing about the date might make him nauseous.

“It’s okay, hyung. I’m gonna go to bed, I don’t feel well.”

Zhang Hao looks concerned, pressing the back of his hand to Hanbin’s forehead, frowning.

“Okay. I hope you feel better. Sleep well.”

—

Hanbin has a hard time dragging himself out of bed the next morning.

He truly does feel sick. His body feels heavy and his mind is foggy. He keeps letting his mind wander to thoughts of Zhang Hao. Thoughts of Zhang Hao proudly showing of his outfits, thoughts of Zhang Hao out with Jeonghyeon, thoughts of Jeonghyeon pushing Zhang Hao against a wall, lips latched onto his neck, thoughts of Zhang Hao looking at him with so much fondness, Zhang Hao at his door—

Oh. Zhang Hao is actually at his door.

“Come in,” he says weakly, shaking his head like it will physically get rid of the thoughts.

“Hi,” Zhang Hao says softly. He looks like the Zhang Hao Hanbin knows, soft hair, soft clothes, soft expression. Why doesn’t Hanbin get to see Zhang Hao the other way?

“Hi.”

“How are you feeling?” Zhang Hao asks, setting a glass of water on Hanbin’s bedside table.

Hanbin shrugs. He’s not sure.

Zhang Hao frowns again, checking Hanbin’s temperature again. “I hope you’re not coming down with something. What am I supposed to do if my best friend gets sick?”

Hanbin can feel the heat rush to his face. Best friend? When did he become that important to him? Why is he almost disappointed? He almost hopes this skews Zhang Hao’s temperature reading.

“You are a little warm.” Zhang Hao comments, looking at Hanbin who is laying pitifully in his bed. “Can I get you anything?”

Hanbin shakes his head.

“Just text me if you want anything. I’ll cancel Matthew and Keita. Drink that water.”

Hanbin forces himself to smile as Zhang Hao nags him, “Okay mom. Get out before I get you sick.”

Zhang Hao rolls his eyes before leaving, and Hanbin snuggles into his bed as soon as the door clicks shut. One day of sulking, that’s all you’re allowed Hanbin thinks to himself.

It ends up being a day and a half, and Hanbin finally forces himself out and down the stairs at 3pm the next day. Zhang Hao’s face brightens up as soon as he sees him.

“Look who’s up! How are you feeling?”

“Better, I think.” Hanbin responds. He’s not, but he only has so much room for self-pity, and he doesn’t want to do any more self-reflection, not liking the results.

“That’s good. There’s lunch on the stove, I haven’t cleaned up yet. It might be a bit cold.”

Hanbin doesn’t mind. He hasn’t really eaten anything properly in two days.

He tries to sneak a glance at Zhang Hao’s neck. There definitely was a mark at one point, but it’s mostly faded by now. Zhang Hao brings a hand up to cover the spot, a little bashful.

“Ah that. It should almost be gone, right?” He asks, and Hanbin nods stiffly.

“I’m assuming you had fun?” The words leave a bitter taste in his mouth.

“Yeah. It was fun. That’s all it really was though.” Zhang Hao answers, “He wants to see me again, I don’t know if I’m going to go or not.”

Hanbin tries not to physically deflate at his words, nodding in understanding. “I thought you wanted fun.”

“I thought so too. Maybe I want something more serious. Or maybe I want someone else.”

Someone else? Cue the sound of Hanbin’s heart shattering. He truly is going to get left behind again.

“Oh,” he supplies lamely, looking away from Zhang Hao to focus on his meal. He’s not really hungry anymore, but he needs to eat, and avoiding Zhang Hao isn’t going to solve anything.

“I don’t know,” Zhang Hao groans, dropping his head into his hands, “dating is complicated. I’d rather spend time with you, it’s more simple.”

Ouch. Hanbin isn’t sure why that hurts so bad, but it does. Zhang Hao immediately catches on.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” Zhang Hao says, reaching for Hanbin’s hand in apology. “You’re not a second choice, that’s not what I was saying at all. I’d pick you over anyone who asks me out. I just meant that what we have just works, I don’t know if I want to put in the effort for something new just for it to only be for fun, you know?”

Somehow that almost hurts just as bad, but Hanbin tries to hide it better this time, nodding in understanding. “Don’t worry hyung, I get it.”

“Do you wanna hang out tonight? Let me make it up to you for abandoning you on Thursday.”

Hanbin isn’t sure if that’s such a good idea, but he nods anyways. Unfortunately, he’s become kind of a sucker for Zhang Hao’s attention, and he’s not one to turn it down.

Maybe he should’ve, he thinks belatedly. Zhang Hao is way more in his personal space than normal, practically wrapped around Hanbin’s left arm. Zhang Hao has his legs swung over Hanbin’s own. Even before his whole Zhang Hao is hot problem, this would’ve freaked him out. His heart is beating so loud he’s worried Zhang Hao might be able to hear it. If he does, he doesn’t say anything, thank god.

“Hao hyung,” he says, and Zhang Hao glances up at him through his lashes. Zhang Hao was going to be the death of him. “Are you okay?”

“Mhm,” Zhang Hao hums, somehow moving closer to Hanbin. “I just missed you, is all.”

That does horrible things to Hanbin’s heart. And his head. And his body. His whole being actually. Because that’s when Hanbin gets it through his incredibly thick skull that he doesn’t just think Zhang Hao is hot, he has feelings for him. Big ones at that. He’s so overwhelmed by the revelation that he thinks he feels his eyes prick with tears.

Thankfully, he’s able to play it off by blaming it on the movie, one of the love interests in the movie dying on the screen. He catches himself thinking that maybe that character is lucky, as they don’t have to struggle like Hanbin currently is. He knows Zhang Hao can hear him sniffling, but he doesn’t question it, and that makes Hanbin want to cry harder.

—

You would think that finding out that he likes Zhang Hao (likes is an understatement, but he’s not willing to move up to the next word yet) would make things easier on him. It doesn’t. It makes things significantly harder on him. Everything Zhang Hao does has him acting strange, and he knows Zhang Hao has noticed. Part of the reason him and Zhang Hao work so well together is because Zhang Hao is so perceptive.

It's not like Zhang Hao is making it easy on him. One moment that Hanbin has been thinking about for approximately 6 days is the day that Zhang Hao had insisted on going grocery shopping with him. He’s not sure why Zhang Hao suddenly wanted to go. He hated big stores, which is why it was one of Hanbin’s monthly tasks. He’s not one to argue with Zhang Hao though, so he brought him with him. He quickly finds out that he had underestimated Zhang Hao’s popularity, hearing him get approached by someone behind them.

Knowing Zhang Hao got asked out was one thing. Witnessing Zhang Hao getting asked out was another thing. Before the young man had even completely gotten his question out, Zhang Hao was apologizing, stating he wasn’t looking for anything right now. Directly contradicting his statement, he linked arms with Hanbin, looking up at him to apologize.

It must look like they’re dating, at least to the other man’s perspective. Zhang Hao doesn’t seem to share Hanbin’s concern, reaching into Hanbin’s pocket to pull out their grocery list. “What’s next?”

On top of making Hanbin look pathetic in public (he was doing it himself), he was making Hanbin look pathetic in private too. Hanbin’s not sure when it started happening, but they stopped going over to Keita and Matthew’s as often, opting to spend the time in Hanbin’s room studying together. Hanbin gets very little studying done, trying to stop himself from looking down Zhang Hao’s shirt when he leans forward.

Hanbin wishes he could be more like some of the characters in the movies him and Zhang Hao watch. Those who are strong enough to decide to run away from their feelings, to avoid their crush in favor of sanity. Yeah it never works well, but Hanbin feels like the temporary peace would do him good. Unfortunately, Hanbin is a weak man, and he can’t help but give into Zhang Hao every time. Every embrace, hand hold, and hair ruffle destroys him a little inside, but it also makes him feel like he’s on cloud 9, even if only for a short moment.

Somehow things get more domestic than they already were. Sometimes they spend late nights cooking together, afternoons attempting to bake. Zhang Hao insists they do the common area cleaning together, performing a little concert for Hanbin with his broomstick. He hates that he finds Zhang Hao’s loser tendencies endearing, because he can’t help himself from cracking a smile every time Zhang Hao does it, even though it stopped being unexpected weeks ago.

Matthew catches on, because of course he does. Turns out their freaky friend telepathy continues to work hard long distance, because Matthew eventually does catch him.

It’s on campus, and Hanbin has his guard completely down, so he nearly jumps out of his skin when Matthew grabs him, pulling him into the nearest classroom.

“Matthew! You scared me!” Hanbin exclaims, putting his hand over his chest dramatically. He looks around at the empty classroom, “You might want to be careful Matthew, don’t want people thinking you’re an unfaithful boyfriend.” Hanbin teases, Matthew rolls his eyes at him.

“What’s up with you and Zhang Hao?” He asks, and Hanbin knows he’s been caught.

Hanbin has had very few crushes in his life, and unfortunately Matthew has been around for all of them. He knows how Hanbin acts, and knows even better how Hanbin has the tendency to self-destruct. His gaze softens, suspicions confirmed.

“How long?” he asks, voice less stern this time. It’s welcome.

“I don’t know. I’ve known for like two months though.” Hanbin says, cringing at himself. This is the first time he’s said it out loud, and the fact that Matthew is hearing it at the same time as him has him feeling super embarrassed.

“Oh, Hanbin hyung.” Matthew says, opening his arms for a hug. Hanbin all but throws himself into it. “Are you going to tell him?”

Hanbin shakes his head, “He keeps saying he doesn’t want to date right now, rejecting everyone who asks him out.”

Matthew rubs his back in apology. Hanbin lets himself be held for a moment longer before pulling away, covering his red cheeks with his hands.

“I should probably go. I have dance practice.” Hanbin says, trying to fill the silence and trying to stop Matthew from looking at him like he’s pathetic. He is, but he doesn’t need the reminder.

“Okay. Remember you can call me Hanbin hyung.” Matthew says, shaking Hanbin’s hand that’s limp at his side before leaving the classroom.

Hanbin stands there for another 30 seconds, collecting his thoughts, before making his way to the practice room.

—

It seems like the universe is finally taking some pity on Hanbin in the form of the Arts Department performance coming up.

He usually performed with his dance team, before walking around with Matthew to appreciate other good performances, laughing quietly at the less good ones. This was the first year that he was going to have a solo part, and Hanbin stopped having time to hang around the apartment, practicing in the dance studio until the janitor comes to clean.

Most of the time when he gets home, he’s so tired that he barely says anything to Zhang Hao, showering and falling right into bed. Zhang Hao always looks a little worried at this, but he doesn’t say anything, bidding Hanbin good night before returning to his own room.

It almost feels like half a year ago when Zhang Hao had first moved in, but now Hanbin is the one being the recluse. He doesn’t want it to be this way, missing the older boy’s attention and affection, but he finally feels like he can breathe again. And maybe he leans into this too much. It’s too easy to spend the better half of his days at the dance room, practicing a part he knows he’s perfected already instead of returning home.

He should’ve known it was going to catch up to him eventually, the universe is not that kind to him.

It’s his fault actually. He’s so focused on his performance and avoiding Zhang Hao at home, that naturally he avoids things he needs to do to survive, like eating and sleeping. Zhang Hao, more often that not, spends his time in the living area, and Hanbin sometimes doesn’t have the mental strength to pass by him to get to the kitchen, skipping meals.

He’s exhausted, honestly. Mentally, physically, emotionally. The whole deal. So it’s not a huge surprise to him when his vision gets spotty, patches of his reflection in the mirror missing from his sight. It’s been a while since he’s felt this way, but he manages to reach for the person next to him, which happens to be Gyuvin, before he falls.

—

It’s hard, and he doesn’t want to, but he manages to force his eyes open, bright lights stretching above him. His vision is still a little blurry, but he looks around. He’s still in the practice room, partially on the floor. Most of his weight is on Gyuvin, who is cradling his head gently.

“Did you find him?” he hears Gyuvin ask, voice a bit panicky. He feels bad for making him worry, but he’s too sluggish to reassure him that he’s fine right now.

“Yujin didn’t say what this is about.. What happen— Hanbin?”

Oh, Matthew. That makes sense. He hears him before he can see him, moving quickly across the room to sit next to Hanbin. Hanbin raises his hand a little at him, Matthew grabbing it and holding it between his own two.

“He’s awake,” Matthew says to Gyuvin, who finally looks down at him. Gyuvin reaches for his other hand.

“You scared us, hyung. Are you okay?” Gyuvin says, and Hanbin sees Yujin sit down on Hanbin’s other side, looking at him with worried eyes.

“’M fine.” Hanbin says, but Matthew gives him a pointed look, and he stops talking.

“Jiwoong thinks you should go home.” Yujin says, pointing to their older leader, who is also looking at Hanbin concerned.

“You’re working too hard Hanbin. None of us are going to take over your part. Just rest for a while.” Jiwoong says. Hanbin appreciates it.

“I’ll call Keita, and we’ll take you home.” Matthew says, taking one of his hands off of Hanbin’s to reach for his phone. Hanbin nods, but he’s still groggy, so he recloses his eyes, drifting off against Gyuvin’s chest.

When he wakes up the second time he hears more worried voices. He almost wishes he had just slept in the first place so he wouldn’t have to deal with all the scolding he’s going to get from every person in his life.

“He’s waking up. Hanbinie?”

Oh. Zhang Hao’s here. Mission failed.

He jolts despite himself, moving to sit up.

“Don’t rush yourself, Hanbin.” Zhang Hao scolds, but he moves to Hanbin’s side, pulling Hanbin’s arm over his shoulder to help him up. Matthew mirrors the action on his other side.

Once he stands up he notices Keita is there, who also looks worried. He has keys in his hand, which Hanbin belatedly realizes are his. He doesn’t typically let other people drive his car, but he supposes he’s in no position to argue. He lets Zhang Hao and Matthew drag him out of the building, Keita opening doors for them.

He was expecting to be scolded in the car, but he’s not, met with a concerned Matthew on one side, a concerned Zhang Hao on the other side while Keita drives them back to their apartment.

“What happened? Did you get dizzy?” Matthew asks, still holding onto Hanbin’s hand.

Hanbin shrugs. This was kind of self-inflicted, and he wishes that the whole situation was over.

“When was the last time you ate?” Zhang Hao asks, but it’s not really a question. Hanbin is pale and weak, and he knows Zhang Hao has noticed that he hasn’t been taking care of himself.

Hanbin doesn’t answer, receiving a light swat on the head. “You’re an idiot,” Zhang Hao says, but there’s no malice in it. If anything he sounds a little sad, and Hanbin feels incredibly guilty.

Matthew stays the night, laying next to Hanbin in his tiny bed. Hanbin tells him he can go home, that he’ll be more careful next time, but Matthew doesn’t budge, throwing a leg over Hanbin’s. “Shut up and go to sleep.”

Zhang Hao seems to share a similar sentiment, checking in every hour like clockwork, checking Hanbin’s temperature (even though he never had a fever), bringing him a new glass of water to down. It feels nice to be taken care of Hanbin lets his sleepy brain think, drifting off with Zhang Hao’s hand in his hair and Matthew’s steady breathing behind him.

Matthew reluctantly leaves the next morning, only closing the front door when Zhang Hao promises to update him.

Zhang Hao on the other hand, only seems worse. Fussing over Hanbin more than Hanbin thinks is necessary. Sure, he passed out, but he feels worse about it than everyone else. He doesn’t want it to happen again either, so he’ll eat and sleep more. Big deal.

Apparently it is, because Zhang Hao won’t leave his side. He’s hovering, following behind Hanbin as he moves from one room to the next, only letting Hanbin leave his line of sight when he goes into the bathroom.

“Hao hyung.” He sighs, sitting down on the couch, patting the spot next to him. “Sit with me, it won’t do you or me any good if you’re so restless.”

Zhang Hao listens to him, but his arms are crossed. He looks upset, and Hanbin’s heart aches.

“You were avoiding me.” Zhang Hao says, like it’s a fact. It may or may not be, but Zhang Hao doesn’t seem like he’s willing to be swayed.

“No I wasn’t. I’ve been busy. The showcase is soon.”

“It’s a month away Hanbin. I would know, I’m also performing.” Zhang Hao says, and Hanbin feels guilty. He didn’t know that.

“You are?”

“Yeah. You’d know that if you came home more often.” Hanbin winces.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t avoiding you. I just want everything to be perfect.”

Zhang Hao doesn’t look convinced, but he drops his shoulders. “I’m just glad you’re okay. When Keita called me I was a little freaked out. That probably made it worse for you, I’m sorry.”

They sit in silence for a while, Zhang Hao staring at Hanbin like he’s going to fall apart.

“Keita called you?”

Zhang Hao nods, “I’m a little offended that Keita knew before I did, but it’s fine. I’m just glad he was smart enough to call me.”

“Gyuvinie and Yujinie just looked for Matthew first because they know him, it’s nothing against you. I promise.”

Zhang Hao still looks a little upset, pout present on his lips. He reaches for one of Hanbin’s hands, intertwining their fingers.

“You know I’m not going to let you out of my sight, right?”

Hanbin fake groans, kicking one of his legs exaggeratedly. Zhang Hao just smiles at him, squeezing his hand harder.

—

Zhang Hao does make good on his end of the deal, sticking close to Hanbin’s side for the three additional days it takes him to recover. He neglects going to his own classes, which Hanbin feels bad about, but Zhang Hao will not let him voice anything about it, shoving some food down his throat and telling him to shut up and eat. They practically live in the living room, their laptops and chargers everywhere, approximately three blankets on the couch, the throw pillows tossed onto the floor in favor of the good pillow from their beds.

But everything good must come to an end, and the following Monday Hanbin returns to school. It’s the first time he’s been away from Zhang Hao for more than 30 minutes since the incident, and he’s not sure how he went three long weeks without seeing the older boy. His classes go fine, getting extensions for everything that was due the week he’s out.

When he gets to dance practice he’s hoping to slip into the back and to not draw attention to himself. That fails, because Yujin sees him as soon as he puts one foot through the door, practically tackling him.

“Hanbin hyung! You’re okay!” Yujin exclaims, arms tight around Hanbin’s waist. This catches the attention of other people in the club, Gyuvin and Jiwoong walking over to greet him themselves.

Gyuvin hugs him from behind, essentially sandwiching him between the two younger boys. He lets one hand rest on Gyuvin’s, his other hand coming up to ruffle Yujin’s hair. When they pull away Jiwoong places a hand on Hanbin’s shoulder, an awkward greeting between the two of them. He’s glad to know he was at least missed.

“Take breaks when you need to.” Jiwoong says, waiting until Hanbin nods in response before turning on his heel to direct their first number.

Thankfully Hanbin still remembers everything, the irrational fear that he wouldn’t hasn’t left his head since he fainted. When it’s time for Hanbin’s solo number, he manages to pull it off, albeit not as nicely as he would’ve liked to. Not bad for four days of no practice though.

Their meeting in concluded early, and despite Jiwoong’s worried stares, Hanbin moves to practice his own routine. He only is able to for approximately thirty minutes before he hears someone clear their throat, spinning around quickly.

“This isn’t taking it easy, Hanbin-ah.” Zhang Hao says, hands on his hips. He probably thinks he looks intimidating. Hanbin thinks he looks cute.

“I lost out on four days of practice, hyung.”

“You also lost out on four days of assignments you have to do. C’mon,” Zhang Hao says, surging forward to grab Hanbin’s wrist, “we’re going home.”

Hanbin whines the whole way home, but Zhang Hao doesn’t seem to care, tugging him down the sidewalk.

It takes about an additional week of Hanbin doing every single thing that Zhang Hao asks him to do before Zhang Hao claims that he’s a responsible adult again. Even then, Zhang Hao still insists on picking him up from practice, dragging him home whenever Zhang Hao is done with his own personal practice.

“Did you ever consider, hyung, that I might need to practice more than you do?” Hanbin asks one day, dragging his feet while Zhang Hao leads him out of the school.

“Nope. I know you don’t. I sometimes watch you run through the choreography through the window before I come in. You’re a good dancer, Hanbin. I’m excited to see you perform.”

Now that stops Hanbin in his tracks. “You’re gonna watch?”

Zhang Hao stops too, turning around. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Hyung,” he whines, turning on his heel, “now I really have to make sure it’s perfect.”

Zhang Hao grabs his hand, pulling Hanbin to his side. “Don’t even think about it.”

—

Much to Hanbin’s dismay, the performance approached faster than he wanted it to. It felt like he had plenty of time, and now the performance was tomorrow, and he was freaking out.

Even Zhang Hao seemed a little stressed, pacing around his room analyzing different color combos for his outfit. Hanbin’s outfit was picked out for him by Jiwoong, so thankfully he did not have this same problem. That’s how he ended up sitting at the foot of Zhang Hao’s bed, watching the older boy hold different button ups that essentially look the same to Hanbin.

“Which one is better?”

“They kind of look the same, hyung.” Hanbin says, apologetically smiling when Zhang Hao deflates.

“Hanbin,” Zhang Hao whines, stomping his foot in protest, “You’re no help.”

“Why don’t you wear that one white one?” Hanbin offers, and Zhang Hao looks confused.

“What white one?”

“The one you wore on your date with Jeonghyeon. It looked good on you.”

“Ah!” Zhang Hao says, throwing open his closet door dramatically. “That’s right! You did like that one.”

Hanbin flushes, hands coming up to cover his ears. “Hyung,” he whines.

Zhang Hao pulls out the shirt, pulling his own shirt over his head to slide that one on. Hanbin averts his eyes, suddenly super interested in the air vent on Zhang Hao’s floor. Sure, they were both guys, but if Hanbin started looking at Zhang Hao’s bare torso he’d have a hard time looking away, so air vent it was.

“There. How’s it look?” Zhang Hao asks, spinning on his heel, arms spread out so Hanbin can see the way the shirt hugs his body. He appreciates that Zhang Hao buttoned it more this time. Jeonghyeon seeing Zhang Hao like that was one thing, if a good chunk of the student body saw Zhang Hao like that, Hanbin isn’t sure he’d ever recover.

“Good.” Hanbin says, swallowing.

“That’s all you ever say. Give me something new.” Zhang Hao teases, and Hanbin’s mouth opens and closes like a fish.

“That’s all I ever say because it’s true! You look good!” Hanbin protests, not liking the amused look on Zhang Hao’s face, dropping his eyes to his own hands.

“Are you really that bad at compliments?”

“Hyung.” Hanbin whines for what feels like the umpteenth time since he entered Zhang Hao’s room. “You look pretty. Is that better?”

He’s met with silence, and he tears his eyes away from his hands to gauge Zhang Hao’s reaction. Zhang Hao is normally pretty composed, so it’s rare to see him blush, but he definitely is right now. His ears are red, pink spreading across his face, a shy smile on his face. He looks even prettier like this, but Hanbin isn’t sure what to say, feeling a little flustered himself.

“Much better,” Zhang Hao says when he collects himself, “What are you wearing?”

“It’s a surprise.” Hanbin says, smiling when Zhang Hao looks disappointed. “You’ll see tomorrow, along with everyone else.”

“Hanbinie is so mean,” Zhang Hao teases, but he turns back to the mirror, adjusting his sleeve length.

“I’m excited to see you play tomorrow, Hao. I’ve heard you play through the walls, but I’ve never seen you play.”

“I’m afraid it won’t be as exciting as your own performance. I’ll be looking for you in the crowd tomorrow.” Zhang Hao says, experimenting with where to part his hair.

Hanbin flushes once again. Zhang Hao has got to stop saying things like that.

—

They don’t really see each other the next day. Hanbin is out the door at 8am, rushing to the studio so they can do a final run through of the performance. Jiwoong welcomes him, hair clipped to the side with cute clips that Hanbin is sure aren’t his. He doesn’t say anything, sitting on the ground to switch to his dance shoes.

Yujin and Gyuvin are wrestling in the corner, never short of energy. Hanbin wishes he could be like that, but he was too giddy after his evening with Zhang Hao to sleep properly. He’ll definitely need someone to go heavy on the concealer today.

The final run through goes well, Hanbin nailing his performance better than he had before. It feels like it’s finally clicked, and not a moment too soon, because then he’s being rushed back into the practice room to change, so other groups can do their final practice.

It’s unfortunate that all these acts have to share the university auditorium, backstage too crowded for them all, but Hanbin doesn’t really have time to complain, slipping into his outfit. He had seen them online when Jiwoong ordered them, and once again when the package came in. This is the first time he’s actually putting it on though.

It’s a little looser than he was expecting, collar dipping further down his chest than he was ready for. His tattoos are showing, so he’s going to have to find someone with a band-aid to cover that. The sleeves are loose too, hanging off of his arms. It cinches in at his wrists and at his waist, flattering his figure nicely. He knows he has broad shoulders, he’s quite proud of them, but he can really tell right now. He hopes he doesn’t look too much like a coat hanger.

The shirt is black, a slight sparkle to it that will be more evident under the bright lighting. The pants are also black, making his legs look slim and long. He, objectively speaking of course, looks really good. Once he figures out his hair and his dark circles he’ll be ready to go, and he can hear Woonggi and Seowon down the hall, so that’s two problems solved.

He’s kind of spaced out when Woonggi and Seowon work on him, focused on running through his solo in his head again. He barely notices when they part his hair to the side, only really noticing when Woonggi tells him to look up so he can blend the concealer without Hanbin freaking out.

“What do you think?” Woonggi asks, clapping his hands together, clearly proud. Seowon shares a similar look on his face, unwrapping a band-aid to put across Hanbin’s collarbones.

“It looks good, thank you.” Hanbin says, honest. He’s a little shy, but he does think he looks good. To stop himself from being self-centered, he waves goodbye to Woonggi and Seowon, moving to return to his waiting area. He doesn’t quite make it that far, bumping into someone.

“Oh I’m sorry! Hanbin?”

“Zhang Hao?” he says in response, reaching out to steady the older boy, who is already staring at him. Or through him. “Hello? Earth to Zhang Hao. Did I hit you too hard?”

Zhang Hao blinks, eyes refocusing on Hanbin’s face. “Oh. Hi.”

“Are you okay?” Hanbin asks, checking to make sure he didn’t magically bruise Zhang Hao somewhere.

“I’m fine. Is this the surprise you meant?” Zhang Hao asks, eyes dropping to where Hanbin’s shirt dips.

“Yeah,” Hanbin supplies dryly. It’s hard to come up with coherent thoughts when Zhang Hao is staring at him so shamelessly, eyes wandering from the peek of Hanbin’s chest to where the shirt hugs his waist, before dragging his eyes back up to Hanbin’s face, which he’s sure is so, so red.

“It looks,” Zhang Hao trails off, looking a little dazed himself.

“Good?” Hanbin offers, breathing out when Zhang Hao laughs, nodding.

“Yeah.”

Hanbin has never been so thankful for Jiwoong in his life, breaking the trance of both Hanbin and Zhang Hao.

“There you are. We’re on next.” Jiwoong says, turning around to grab the rest of the team.

“I gotta go hyung. Sorry,” Hanbin says, moving past Zhang Hao to follow Jiwoong. He thinks he hears Zhang Hao say good luck, but he’s too busy trying to get out of there before he makes a fool out of himself.

He rushes to get to his position on stage, squinting through the lights to find Matthew. He manages to find him, Matthew waving animatedly at him. He’s just glad he’s not screaming, because he’s embarrassed enough already when he sees that Zhang Hao and Keita are beside him.

Once the music starts he really doesn’t remember much. Part of the reason he’s able to perform so well is because of the way he blocks out everything, becoming one with the music. The lights that felt too bright before don’t bother him at all anymore, and he’s unable to focus on the feeling of eyes on him because he’s too busy feeling the bass vibrate under his feet.

He doesn’t realize it’s over until the music fades out and the applause fades in. He adjusts the way he’s standing to bring his legs together, bowing and waving before walking off stage.

His solo went well, he thinks, if the praises from his teammates are anything go by. He thanks them earnestly, rushing to the crowd. He doesn’t want to miss any of the performances, especially when he knows Zhang Hao is performing soon. He manages to pass Zhang Hao on his way in, smiling softly before taking his spot next to Matthew.

“You did so good, hyung.” Matthew says, Keita leaning across him to give Hanbin a thumbs up. Hanbin smiles in response, pulling both of them into a side hug.

“Thank you.”

—

Two performances go by before it’s finally Zhang Hao’s turn. The student representative introduces Zhang Hao as a musical prodigy, and Hanbin believes it wholeheartedly.

When Zhang Hao walks onto the stage, the silence is deafening. He looks incredibly elegant up there, the harsh lighting illuminating his silhouette through the thin material of his shirt. Maybe Hanbin shouldn’t have picked that one.

Hanbin must be staring quite hard, because he feels Matthew elbow him in the side, but   he refuses to break his gaze away from Zhang Hao. This is the one time he can stare at Zhang Hao unabashedly, so he’s going to. He watches carefully as Zhang Hao brings the violin bow in his right hand up to meet the violin in his left, eyes scanning the crowd. He can tell Zhang Hao has found him, lips quirking up slightly. He looks a lot less tense now. He begins to play.

Hanbin recognizes the melody. He’s heard it through the walls for months. Maybe Zhang Hao is more of a perfectionist than he is.

He can’t help but notice how immersed Zhang Hao gets into his own performance. Hanbin would too if he had his skill, his ability to make his talent seem too elegant for the school auditorium.

The sound fills the stage, overflowing into the audience. Hanbin can’t believe that he’s had the privilege of hearing this a couple times a week for months. Everyone in the audience only gets to hear it this one time. Hanbin feels bad for them.

He’s not surprised when Zhang Hao receives a standing ovation. He definitely deserves it, and his bashful smile as he bows is endearing. His eyes follow Zhang Hao off the stage until he’s hidden behind the curtains, finally turning to face Matthew.

“Hanbin. You might want to be a little more subtle next time. Keita just asked me if you two were dating.” Matthew teases, laughing when Hanbin groans, covering his face with his hands.

“Whatever, man.”

The school performance finishes three performances later, and Hanbin has to run backstage so he can do the final bow with all the performers. Zhang Hao finds him there, offering his hand in silence. Hanbin takes it, not missing the way Zhang Hao is still very clearly giving him once overs.

Once the final curtain call is done, Hanbin finally feels like he can breathe again, falling dramatically against Zhang Hao’s side. Zhang Hao catches him like it’s nothing, wrapping an arm around Hanbin’s back to pull him closer.

“We did it. We’re done.” Zhang Hao says, sighing his own breath of relief.

“We are.” Hanbin says, watching people join their friends in congratulations. “I already saw Matthew and Keita. Do you want to go home?”

Zhang Hao relaxes further, “You just get me. Of course I do.”

Thankfully Hanbin drove himself there that morning, so they don’t have to walk home in the cool night. Zhang Hao seems to have less inhibitions about being clingy tonight, reaching for Hanbin’s hand as soon as they’re seated. Hanbin is glad he learned how to drive one handed, because he doesn’t want to let go either.

Despite the drive home being quite short, it feels longer than normal, some weird air blanketing them in Hanbin’s car. He doesn’t say anything, worried that it might be a bad thing, so he settles for the somewhat awkward silence, doing his best to ignore how Zhang Hao is still so shamelessly staring at him.

When they get home they’re still holding hands, standing in the entrance way to their home. Hanbin kind of wants to shower, but Zhang Hao is looking at him with something he can’t decipher, and he hates unanswered questions.

“Oh, Hao hyung. I’ve remembered something. Follow me.” he says, leading Zhang Hao up the stairs. Zhang Hao follows, questioning look in his eyes.

“Okay, close your eyes.” Hanbin says, removing his hand from Zhang Hao’s. He immediately misses the warmth, but he hopes this will be worth it, stepping into his room to grab something.

He opens Zhang Hao’s hand, closing it around the gift he prepared. “Okay, you can open them now.”

Zhang Hao opens his eyes to a small bouquet of flowers in his hand, white and light blue, complementing his outfit. His eyes flicker from the flowers to Hanbin’s face, and Hanbin is feeling a little insecure about his gift choice.

“If you don’t like flowers, that’s okay. I just wanted to get you something for successfully completing your performance. And as a thank you for taking such great care of me this year.”

“Hanbin,” Zhang Hao says softly, trailing off. He steps back enough to open his own bedroom door, setting the flowers down gently on his dresser. He turns back to Hanbin, face still hard to decipher.

His eyes keep flickering between both Hanbin and the bouquet of flowers. He eventually sighs, like he’s lost a battle within himself, turning to face Hanbin completely. “I’m sorry, I’ve tried to be patient but, I need you to be honest with me Hanbin. Do you like me?”

Hanbin’s stomach drops. What?

“Huh?” Hanbin says, trying his best to fight off the heat that is very quickly making its way to his face.

“Do you have feelings for me? Because I have feelings for you, and I’m tired of waiting for you to make a move.” Zhang Hao says, and Hanbin fails to keep the blush from rising to his face.

“You what?”

“Yeah.” Zhang Hao says, looking a little insecure, and Hanbin realizes he hasn’t given him an actual answer.

“I do. Have feelings for you, I mean.” Hanbin says, ears burning.

“Oh, good. I was worried I’ve been reading you wrong for a while now.”

Hanbin flinches, “You knew?”

“Suspected.” Zhang Hao corrects, reaching for one of Hanbin’s hands. “You get jealous easily. It’s cute.”

Hanbin scoffs, feigning offense, “I do not!”

“Yes you do. I know you were jealous of Jeonghyeon. You don’t have to hide it from me. I’m flattered, really.” Zhang Hao teases.

“I didn’t even know I liked you then,” Hanbin whines, but he lets Zhang Hao pull him closer.

“Really?” Zhang Hao hums, “When did you find out?”

Hanbin avoids his gaze, “Like, the week after that.”

Zhang Hao nods, moving Hanbin’s hands to his hips, his own hands resting on Hanbin’s shoulders. “I guess I beat you then. I’ve been interested in you since we moved in.”

Hanbin’s jaw falls slack, and Zhang Hao giggles, and Hanbin can feel his breath on his cheeks. When had he gotten so close?

“That’s why I was avoiding you. I didn’t want to make things weird. Maybe if I had just talked to you when I got here, we could’ve gotten here three months sooner.”

Hanbin’s a little scared to ask, but he does anyways: “What is here, Hao hyung? What are we doing?”

Zhang Hao smiles, one of his hands traveling to the back of Hanbin’s hair, stroking the ends of his hair. “Well I, for one, would really like to kiss you. You’ve been driving me crazy all night, it’s all I can think about.”

Hanbin feels warm all over, and he can tell Zhang Hao is going to be horrible for his mental health.

Zhang Hao leans in a little closer, just close enough that their noses are brushing against each other. “Would you like that, Hanbin?”

Hanbin whimpers softly, a sound not going unnoticed by Zhang Hao. He raises a brow at Hanbin, urging him to say something. “Yes, please.” Hanbin whispers, and Zhang Hao finally closes the gap between them.

Zhang Hao’s lips are warm and soft, and he’s pressing against Hanbin so insistently that it’s making his head spin. Hanbin tilts his head up, giving Zhang Hao better access, and Zhang Hao backs Hanbin against the wall of the hallway, closing the gap between their bodies.

If this were anyone else, Hanbin would be embarrassed by how excited he feels right now, adrenaline coursing through his veins as Zhang Hao slots their lips together again, tugging lightly at the ends of Hanbin’s hair. Hanbin’s mouth falls open slightly, and Zhang Hao wastes no time, tongue entering Hanbin’s mouth. Hanbin tightens his grips on Zhang Hao’s hips, getting a slight groan from the older boy.

Zhang Hao is acting with as much urgency as Hanbin feels, and it leaves him gasping for air as Zhang Hao goes from pressing bruising kisses against his lips to trailing down Hanbin’s jaw, teasing the skin between his teeth occasionally. Hanbin’s head hits the wall, soft curses leaving his mouth as his grips at Zhang Hao’s shirt. Zhang Hao is just as perceptive as ever, somehow knowing just where Hanbin is sensitive. He latches his lips onto the skin of the corner of his jaw, sucking a dark mark onto the spot. Hanbin whines, head rolling to the side to give Zhang Hao better access, which he appreciates.

Zhang Hao, despite his urgency, has not lost his composure, and does not seem to share Hanbin’s want to just get on with it, moving to abuse other spots on Hanbin’s neck. Hanbin’s worried about the material of Zhang Hao’s shirt, as Hanbin tightens his grip on it. Zhang Hao finally pulls away, eyes travelling from Hanbin’s swollen lips to the trail of marks down Hanbin’s neck, before flickering up to meet Hanbin’s own.

“I don’t want to assume but,” Zhang Hao starts, pulling away from Hanbin, smiling when Hanbin whines. “do you want to come in my room?”

Hanbin’s eyes widen. Sure he’s been in there plenty of times, but this has a whole different set of connotations to it, most of which he’s never dealt with before, and he’s embarrassed by just how badly he wants to go in Zhang Hao’s room. He settles for nodding, relieved when Zhang Hao reaches for his wrist, pulling him in.

He’s grateful Zhang Hao chooses to forgo the formalities this time, pushing Hanbin back lightly onto his bed. He’s worried about how this is going to go. He’s never done any of this before, and he’s a little nervous. He’s not sure if Zhang Hao notices or if this is just how he is but Zhang Hao leans in again, whispering against his skin, “Relax, I’ll take care of you.”

He moves on top of Hanbin, balancing his weight on either side of Hanbin’s  body, before leaning down to reconnect their lips. It’s nice, the weight of Zhang Hao on top of him, the gentle pressing of his lips against his own. This is the only part he has done before, so he’s feeling a little more comfortable when he lets a hand wander into Zhang Hao’s hair, pressing him more insistently against Hanbin.

Zhang Hao moves off of him, just long enough to motion for Hanbin to shuffle further up the bed. Hanbin obeys, hands reaching out immediately to pull Zhang Hao closer. Zhang Hao lets Hanbin rest his hands on his shoulders, but he doesn’t lean back in, instead gazing down at Hanbin’s shirt again.

“You seem to really like this shirt, hyung. Was it a good surprise?” he teases, but it’s really just a ploy to get Zhang Hao to take it off, clothes feeling far too restricting.

“Mhm,” Zhang Hao nods, bringing one of his fingers to trace Hanbin’s collarbones, tattoos uncovered after the show. “There are pretty. I didn’t know you had these.”

Hanbin nods, not sure what else to say. He doesn’t think Zhang Hao is really listening either way, hands coming up to the first button. His eyes flicker up to Hanbin’s for a second, before undoing the button, hands dipping under the fabric, warm hands exploring warm skin. He can feel Zhang Hao’s hands on his chest, fingers against his rib cage. He lets out a soft whine when Zhang Hao’s hand brushes over his nipple, regretting it when Zhang Hao’s eyes flick up to meet his, amused and fond at the same time.

“Are you sensitive here?” Zhang Hao asks, but he’s not expecting a verbal answer, rolling Hanbin’s nipple between two fingers, smiling when Hanbin arches up into his hand. He repeats the actions a few times, stopping when Hanbin lets out a louder whine. He retracts his hand, moving back to Hanbin’s buttons, undoing the rest in one motion.

Hanbin whimpers at the action, because if that wasn’t one of the hottest things Zhang Hao has ever done, he doesn’t know what is. He feels Zhang Hao push the fabric of his shirt off of his stomach, hands returning to explore the new uncovered skin. Zhang Hao’s hands grip at his waist, pulling his fingers off just enough to watch the skin turn white under the pressure, before returning to the red flush that Hanbin is sporting on his whole body.

“You’re so pretty,” Zhang Hao whispers, moving his weight onto Hanbin’s thighs. “I can’t believe no one has ever seen you like this. They have no idea what they’re missing.”

Hanbin moans at Zhang Hao’s words, rolling his head to the side to avoid his eyes. He wasn’t expecting Zhang Hao to be such a smooth talker, and he especially wasn’t expecting himself to be so into it.

He feels cool air blown on his stomach, and he contracts the muscles in his abdomen involuntarily. Zhang Hao looks up at him in fascination, like he hadn’t just had a human reflex. Hanbin isn’t in the position to argue with him, so he covers his eyes with one of his arms.

Bad move, he finds out shortly after, because he’s blindsided by the feeling of Zhang Hao bringing one of his nipples into his mouth, rolling the other between his fingers once again. The moan that leaves his mouth is loud, and he drops his arm from his eyes in favor of covering his mouth with his hand, embarrassed.  

Zhang Hao seems encouraged if anything, sucking more harshly than before. Hanbin whines behind the back of his hand, arching to meet Zhang Hao’s mouth. Zhang Hao continues his assault on Hanbin’s chest, occasionally sliding his other hand along Hanbin’s side to keep him guessing.

Hanbin is so, so turned on, and he’s fighting a losing battle with his body, which seems to be out to betray him. He knows this to be true because he feels his hips bucking up into nothing, and Zhang Hao pauses, pulling away. Hanbin glances down at his nipples, swollen from Zhang Hao’s advances.

Zhang Hao seems amused at the fact that Hanbin is unable to keep his body still, twitching against any gentle touch Zhang Hao will give him. “You’re just sensitive everywhere, aren’t you? Don’t worry, Hanbinie, hyung will take good care of you.”

Zhang Hao helps Hanbin up enough to fully pull the shirt off of his body, tossing it onto the floor. He unbuttons his own shirt, peeling it off so they’re even. The way Zhang Hao manages to know exactly how to make Hanbin feel more comfortable makes his heart swell, pulling Zhang Hao down to kiss him again. Zhang Hao lets him for a moment, smiling when he pulls away, settling himself between Hanbin’s thighs.

Zhang Hao’s hands land on his torso again, hands travelling from his sides to his hip, before moving down to his thighs, than more towards the inside. Hanbin’s legs spread almost automatically, and Hanbin doesn’t need to look to know that Zhang Hao is smirking at him.

Zhang Hao hands ghost over his crotch, and Hanbin bucks into the touch, receiving a small laugh from Zhang Hao. He seems to remember his promise to be nice, moving his hands back up to hook his fingers on the waistband of Hanbin’s pants.

“Are you sure?” he asks, his eyes incredibly fond. Hanbin flushes.

“Yes.” Hanbin says, voice cracking as he does.

Zhang Hao pulls down Hanbin’s pants, bringing his boxers down with them, before sliding them off the bed and onto the floor. He lets his hands explore the new skin, watching Hanbin’s thighs twitch when he runs his hands over them.

Hanbin can feel Zhang Hao’s eyes travel from his face down to his length, which is embarrassingly hard. Zhang Hao has done nothing but tease him, though, so he thinks it’s justified.

“You’re pretty here too?” Zhang Hao asks, but it’s more like a statement, and Hanbin feels his dick twitch at the praise, only spurring Zhang Hao on further. “You’re so perfect, Hanbin-ah. It’s not fair.”

Hanbin wants to protest, but all words die in his throat when Zhang Hao wraps a hand around his dick, giving it an experimental pump. Hanbin’s whines bubble up in his throat, causing him to let out more of a choked sound. Zhang Hao repeats the action, a little tighter this time, smiling to himself when Hanbin’s hips buck up involuntarily.

“Hao,” Hanbin whines, catching the attention of the older boy.

“What is it, baby?”

Hanbin tries to ignore how the pet name causes more heat to pool in his gut. “Want you,”

Zhang Hao stops his movement, a weak whine leaving Hanbin’s lips. “What?”

Hanbin hates that Zhang Hao is going to make him say it, but it seems like the best way to get what he wants. “Want you,” he repeats, “I want you inside.”

Zhang Hao seems to clue in on what he’s saying, smiling to himself. The redness of his ears betrays his composure.

“Are you sure?”

Hanbin shakes his head, a bit aggressively for emphasis. There is literally no one on Earth that Hanbin would rather have be his first than Zhang Hao right now. Zhang Hao giggles a little, removing his hand from Hanbin’s length to reach over Hanbin for the nightstand, pulling out the lube he keeps there, grabbing a condom as well, before leaning back into Hanbin’s space.

“Okay,” Zhang Hao says, flipping open the bottle to pour some out onto his hand. “It might be a little uncomfortable. Stop me if it hurts. I mean it, Hanbin.”

Hanbin nods, feeling warm at the familiarity of Zhang Hao’s nagging. He’s not prepared for the coldness of Zhang Hao’s finger hovering over his hole, and he can only imagine how unpleasant that’s going to feel inside. Zhang Hao catches the face he makes, smiling apologetically.

“It is a bit cold, I’m sorry. It’ll warm up pretty fast, I promise.”

Hanbin nods, none of that really means anything to him. He’s all too aware of how his dick is leaking precum onto his body, and how vulnerable and open he is to Zhang Hao right now. He’s taken a little by surprise when Zhang Hao breaches his entrance, gasping at the cold intrusion. Zhang Hao has to remind him to relax, his other hand rubbing soothing circles on Hanbin’s thigh.

Hanbin does his best to relax, wincing when Zhang Hao’s finger stops pushing in. Zhang Hao gives him time to adjust to the new feeling, smiling when Hanbin reaches for his free hand.

Hanbin nods for him to move, and Zhang Hao begins pumping his finger in and out slowly, monitoring Hanbin’s face for any discomfort. He eventually moves to add a second finger, repeating the process of the first one. When he moves this time, his scissors his fingers apart, focused on opening Hanbin open up.

Hanbin feels, different, for a lack of better words. He’s all too aware of Zhang Hao’s fingers inside of him, the unfamiliar feelings becoming more welcome as time passes. But none of this is solving his current predicament of just wanting to come. Zhang Hao ignores his pleas, adding in a third finger. But this time, he does something that really catches Hanbin’s attention.

A loud moan feels like it is punched out of his chest when Zhang Hao curves his fingers, massaging against a spot that makes Hanbin’s brain shutdown.

“Ah, there it is.” Zhang Hao says, moving to thrust his fingers against it again.

Maybe it’s because of all the teasing Zhang Hao is doing, or because he’s been wanting this for approximately five months, but Hanbin lurches up, crying out as he grips at Zhang Hao’s comforter.

Zhang Hao coos at him, repeating the action, laughing under his breath at Hanbin’s reaction.

Hanbin knew Zhang Hao to be a lot of things. He never thought he’d be mean.

Zhang Hao takes pity on him, pulling his fingers out of Hanbin’s hole, giving him an apologetic look as he stands up, undoing the button on his pants. Hanbin forgives him immediately in his mind, because it’s finally happening, and he readjusts his head on the pillow, so he can more easily see Zhang Hao.

Now that he’s standing, Hanbin can more clearly see his torso, eyes moving quickly to try and drink it all in before he’s overwhelmed with more. Zhang Hao is lean, and his skin looks soft. Hanbin wants to touch him, but decides that maybe that would be better saved for another time. He watches Zhang Hao slide his own pants and briefs down, reaching for the condom he had set aside earlier. Hanbin’s eyes roam from his chest, to his waist, down to his thighs, and finally to Zhang Hao’s own length. It’s nice to know that Hanbin isn’t the only one affected, Zhang Hao’s own dick hard and red at the tip. He watches intently as Zhang Hao slicks himself up, before kneeling back on the bed and lining himself up at Hanbin’s entrance.

“This will probably be the most uncomfortable part,” Zhang Hao says, “we don’t have to if you’re having second thoughts.”

“Hao hyung. Please. Just get on with it.” Hanbin whines, spreading his legs open wider.

Zhang Hao grins at him, finally pushing in.

He’s right, Hanbin finds out. This is definitely the most uncomfortable part, the stretch unfamiliar but not unwelcome. He feels Zhang Hao bottom out, and Zhang Hao leans down to kiss Hanbin again. Hanbin welcomes the distraction.

It’s stupid how much Hanbin is enjoying Zhang Hao taking care of him. He can feel Zhang Hao pulsing inside him, but Zhang Hao is in no rush to move, placing most of his weight on one arm while he brings up his free hand to push back Hanbin’s hair, cooing at him.

Eventually the dull ache disappears, and Hanbin gives Zhang Hao the go-ahead to move. Zhang Hao’s thrusts are small at first, testing the waters. Hanbin feels better than he did before, and Zhang Hao notices, taking deeper strokes. It doesn’t take him long to find that spot he was abusing before, and Hanbin feels the breath catch in this throat when Zhang Hao finds it.

Zhang Hao readjusts the placement of his weight above Hanbin, pulling back further before slamming back into Hanbin, pushing against his prostate again. Hanbin cries out, hands grabbing uselessly at Zhang Hao’s shoulders. This only encourages Zhang Hao to repeat the actions, thrusting harder against the spot. Hanbin hears noises that aren’t coming from him, small grunts leaving Zhang Hao’s lips as he thrusts in and out.

“You feel so good, Hanbinie. So tight, so warm.”

Hanbin definitely feels warm, heat all over his body. He doesn’t make this lame joke to Zhang Hao, moaning instead. “More,” Hanbin whines, not missing the way Zhang Hao’s eyes light up at the plea.

Zhang Hao grips Hanbin’s hips, guiding him to roll his hips against Zhang Hao’s own. Hanbin eventually gets the message, grinding his hips downward to meet Zhang Hao’s steady thrusts up, chest heaving at the new angle. He’s so close. He just need a little—

As if reading his mind, Zhang Hao wraps a hand around Hanbin’s neglected length, moving a tight fist over the head of Hanbin’s cock. Hanbin whimpers, rhythm thrown into disarray. He’s not sure whether to grind down to meet Zhang Hao’s merciless thrusts or if he should buck up into Zhang Hao’s hand. He settles for the latter, fucking up into Zhang Hao’s thrust.

“My pretty Hanbinie,” Zhang Hao groans, eyes flickering between where their lower bodies meet and Hanbin’s face, “mine.”

Hanbin whines, eyes rolling back in his head. It’s not fair, Zhang Hao should know that’s not a fair card to play, because Hanbin is so caught up on the “my” that he doesn’t even hear the rest of the endearment for he’s spilling into Zhang Hao’s hand, a yelp leaving his lips. He hears Zhang Hao whine, and his thrusts get sloppier as he comes undone himself.

Zhang Hao all but collapses on top of Hanbin, panting in sync with him. The weight of his body on Hanbin’s is welcome, and he brings one of his shaky arms to pull Zhang Hao even closer, enjoying the feel of warm skin on warm skin.

Zhang Hao reluctantly pulls away, leaving to grab a cloth to clean the two of them with. He returns, and Hanbin can’t help but throw away his own inhibitions, staring at Zhang Hao with fond eyes.

“Why are you looking at me all weird?” Zhang Hao asks, giggling nervously while he wipes the cloth across Hanbin’s stomach, before moving down to his thighs.

“You’re pretty. I love you.”

Zhang Hao freezes. “What?”

Hanbin’s eyes widen. Why did I say that? “I’m sorry.” Hanbin apologizes. He’s not sure what he’s apologizing for, maybe all of it. He kind of wants to get up and run, to lock himself in his room and to pretend today didn’t happen. Zhang Hao cuts him out of his thoughts.

“Say it again.” Zhang Hao says, face an impressive shade of red, “Please.”

Hanbin groans, his own face flushing red. He’s never one to deny Zhang Hao though, “I love you.”

Zhang Hao lets out a soft gasp, reaching for Hanbin’s hand. “Oh Hanbin, I love you too.”

Thank God. “You couldn’t have led with that? Had me thinking I embarrassed myself and needed to find a hole to die in.”

Zhang Hao giggles, apologizing softly. “You’re not allowed to leave me. You’re too important to me. Plus, someone needs to be there with me when I have to break it to Keita that he lost a bet, and he owes Matthew and me money.”

“What was the bet?” Hanbin dares to ask, even though he has a feeling he’s not going to like the answer.

“Who was going to make the first move. He had more faith in you than Matthew did.”

Somehow, Hanbin’s not surprised.

“What exactly are we telling them? What are we?” Hanbin asks, enjoying the way that Zhang Hao blushes once again. It’s nice to know that his embarrassment is two sided.

“What do you want to be?”

“Well, I believe you just called me yours not too long ago.”

Zhang Hao whines, covering his face with one of Hanbin’s hands. “Hanbin.”

“You make it sound like a bad thing, hyung. I liked it.”

“Oh.” Zhang Hao says, and Hanbin has to resist the urge to mock him. “Okay. Be mine then.”

It sounds like a command, but Hanbin smiles regardless, nodding in agreement.

—

When they do break it to Matthew and Keita, they make them almost wish they hadn’t, cheering and asking for details. They’re lucky they’re inside, because if they were out in public, Hanbin would have to throttle Matthew, leaving him somewhere for the birds.

He might anyways, because Zhang Hao made the mistake of giving them the dialogue of how Zhang Hao asked him out, and now they’re acting it out in front of them.

“Okay. Be mine then.” Keita manages to get out without laughing, but Matthew nearly topples over. Hanbin shoves him lightly, taking both Matthew and Keita down like dominoes.

“Whatever.” Zhang Hao teases, peeking out from where he’s been tucked into Hanbin’s side. “You’re just worried we’re going to give you a run for your money.”

“As if!” Keita scoffs, beckoning for Zhang Hao to come out. Zhang Hao gets up almost immediately, and Matthew takes his spot.

“They’re gonna fight again, aren’t they?” Matthew says, preparing to use Hanbin as a shield.

“Probably,” Hanbin replies, fondness slipping into his voice. He dodges one of Matthew’s poorly timed shoves, wrapping his arm around the younger boy. Matthew stops fighting.

“Is there where I get to tell you I told you so?” Matthew says, bragging tone already slipping into his voice.

“Depends, what’d you tell me?”

“That everything will be okay. With Zhang Hao.”

Hanbin looks away from Matthew to where Zhang Hao and Keita are holding hands, swinging lightly at each other.

“Yeah. Just this once.” Hanbin concedes, laughing when Matthew breaks into a grin.

“I told you so.”