Chapter Text
"Katsuki, izuku." Izukus dad called, we stiffened, yet turned to look at him, scarred of what would happen if we ignored him. He's not supposed to be here right now! Why is he here!? He's supposed to be on a work trip. We're alone, with him. I can already feel tears pricking my eyes as he walked over to us and sits between us on the couch. His hands found their way onto our inner thighs. I sucked in air through my nose and furthure stiffened. I could see izuku shaking.
If only izuku had a quirk, we could over power him. He doesn't, and I'm not strong enough to do it on my own. We've tried, God we've tried so many times. We've learned to take whatever he throws at us, be compliant, disassociate while it happens then deal with the emotions afterwards together. It's the same everytime.
He has his way with us this time, he has izuku watch. He has us take turns watching. Izuku doesn't know what's going on, he's completely disassociated right now. I wish I was, the constant pain is chaining me to reality. I can only bare it, bare his nails digging into my skin, bare the words he says to me, bare with the way he touched me, then bare it as he throws me to the floor once he's done.
When he leaves izuku snaps back into reality and rushes over to me. "Kachan, we have to get you upstairs, your bleeding, bad." I try, I truly try to get up but I can only lean into him, put my body weight on his as I finally dissociate, though the memories of what happened fresh gashes that replay in my head on repeat. "Kachan c'mon, please!" He pleads, now sobbing. I pull myself back to reality and stand up using him as a crutch. He helps me up the stairs and into the bathroom.
My eyes snap open, tears filling them, then falling. I sit up and push the blanket off me, I push myself off the bed and begin walking around the room, hyperventilating. Of course I'll remember something now! When I'm at momos house.
I feel disgusting, I wanna peel all my skin off, I feel like I need to scrub my body for an eternity to get the feeling of his hands off of me. The feeling of him in me.
"Bakugo?" I stop, kirishima. Fucking kirishima. Of course he'd wake up, he's an insanely light sleeper. "Oh my God, bakugo are you alright!?" He shoots up from the bed he was sleeping in and rushes over to me and reaches his arms out to me. "Dont fucking touch me!" I yelled backing away from him. He jumps, but backs away. I feel awful for yelling at him, but I can't let anyone touch me right now. "Ok, it's ok. Katsuki breathe. I'm here." He said, trying to calm me down, I wish it worked, I really did. But right now, his words mean nothing to me right now. He has no idea what's happening.
The memories replay in my head, my legs give out and I fall to the floor, sobbing. "Izuku." I say to kirishima, hoping he gets it. Everything around me fades. No, im disassociating. Please God no, not here, not now.
I'm only brought back to reality when the lights turn on and a pair of arms are around me. I almost push them away, but their izukus. "Izuku." I sob, my arms wrapping around him, I pull him closer. How long has it been? I don't know. Is kirishima still around? I also don't know. Do I care? Not particularly. "I know, it's over, it's ok. Ground yourself. Focus." Izuku said his voice steady, yet he also had tears falling down his face. I can't, I can't do it. I break down more. My sobs getting slightly louder. I can feel everything. Like if it were happening right now. "You can do it. You'll only remeber more if you don't ground yourself. Your emotions katsuki. What are the emotions your feeling?" He said, moving my face to look at his, wiping away the tears from my face. This is a technique our trauma team taught us, when we remeber something that happened before.
"Exposed, anger." I said, his hands stayed on my face. I focused on that feeling. Relished in it. "Ok good, what else?" He asked, edging me on. Trying to get me to complete the response exercise. "Anxiety." So much anxiety. It felt like my chest was on fire- like my body was on fire. "Betrayal." I continued, I continued saying what I felt until I stopped crying. I just leaned on midoriya for awhile. Kirishimas not here, it was just us the whole time. Thank God.
"Are you going to be ok? Do you want to go home? I can drive us." He asked, one arm around me while his other hand stayed on my cheek. "Home. Stay with me?" I asked, my throat burns, and I still feel his hands. Just faintly, but I can ignore them better with izuku here. "Of course. Do you wanna get your stuff around and I'll talk to kirishima?" He asked. I didn't respond for awhile, I just wanted to sit here a little longer.
"Yeah, ok. I'll call mom too." I said pulling away from him and rubbed my eyes. I haven't had a memory resurface in awhile. What the hell triggered it? Maybe being in a new place, I don't know. I'll have to call my therapist tomorrow and let him know. I do not wanna do that. "Alright. I'll be right back. I'll be right outside the door if you need me." He said as we both stood up off the floor. My legs hurt from being on the floor so long. I stretch them out as izuku walked outside the room.
When we get to my house my mom rushes over to me, but doesn't hug me or touch me. She knows not to. "Hey sweetie. I've got your room all ready. Do you want some tea or anything? Or just be alone with izuku?" Mom asked, inko is talking to izuku. She'd hugging him. He likes physical touch after stuff like this. Unless he goes through something really really bad and doesn't even want me to touch him. I kinda envy him for that. But the thought of anyone other than him touching me makes my skin crawl and makes me wanna throw up. "Mm, tea, I guess. Thanks mom." I said, giving her a small smile. To try and calm her nerves. "Alright. You and izuku can go upstairs. I'll bring it to you two." Tea sounds amazing for my throat. Plus I need to sleep, well try to anyway. Not sure if I'll be able to, that dream wasn't a dream, it was a memory, one I had forgotten.
Izuku and his mother had moved in with us after his father was too careless and was caught with us. Thankfully it wasn't his mom, or either of my parents. It was his neighbor who had come over to return a dish his mother had used to put bread in. Izukus neighbor was a big guy, he was a wrestler. He saved us. He often comes to check in on us, we're sort of friends now.
Mine and izukus therapists and doctors said that it would be a good idea for him and inko to move in with us. Since we already were eachothers support, and his mom needed somewhere to stay since she didnt work and refused to let her and izuku stay in that house any longer, it worked. My parents have the money, we have the room. Plus our moms are best friends so it worked out. It was one of the pluses that made everything easier while we went through hell, getting the rape kits done, giving our testimonies against him in court. Reliving everything we had yet to block away in our memory to the police to give him an accurate sentencing. Then sorting and starting the healing process of all the undelt with trauma while still going to school everyday. It was hard, still is. But it's better now, I just wish we could have normal lives again. We got to experience a couple years of having a normal life before it was stripped away so brutally from us.
When me and izuku got to my room we sat on my bed, he held me and let me put all my body weight on him. "What did you tell kirishima?" I asked, not because I was accusing him of telling kirishima what actually happened, I'm just curious, also so I can play into the story when he asks about it. "Told him that you get really bad nightmares sometimes and that he doesn't need to worry." His voice was calm and quiet. I know he's tired, I know he wants to sleep, but I also know he probably won't sleep until I am. I want to tell him to go get some sleep and that I'll be ok on my own. But I can't bring myself to, and even if I did I'm sure he'd stay with me anyway.
"How long were we there for?" I asked, I couldn't remember. I know i was dissociative through it all, so I have little to no memory of everything that happened, much less how long it was going on for. "About an hour. Kirishima stayed outside the door. You were mainly just staring off into space. You only cried at the beginning and near the end." I sighed and leaned into him more. I hate when I disassociate like that. It makes me feel like I'm not in full control of my own body. "Are you going to be ok?" Izuku asked, running his thumb back and forth on my arm. He's talking about when I go into a depression episode and I don't eat or talk to anyone, even to him. "I don't know, I'm trying not to think about it." He nods, understanding. He looks like he's about to say something, but then the door opens.
"Hey you two." Dad says, holding two cups that are probably filled with tea as he steps into the room. "Camomile for izuku, and mint for katsuki." He said, lifting the corresponding cups before setting them on the nightstand. "Thanks dad." I said, smiling at him the same way I smiled at mom. I love my dad, he's sweet, awkward, gentle, calm, and loves everything that moves and breaths. My mom calls him her gentle giant because of his sweetness and how tall he is. He's very good at making me feel better just by talking. He'll say random facts about bugs or animals, and he'll continue talking about that animal for as long as it takes until my mind is off of whatever made me upset. "Anytime. Try and get some rest, both of you." He said, a gentle smile resting on his face. "We will." I said, which wasnt a lie. We would at least try. He gave us one last smile before leaving the room.
While izuku picked up the cup with his tea in it I pulled out my phone to text kirishima. I know he's awake, it takes a long time for him to fall back asleep after waking up.
[Bakugo: Hey, sorry for yelling at you earlier.]
He responded almost instantly which I wasn't surprised by.
[Kiri: Its ok, you don't need to apologize. I hope you feel better. Sorry about the nightmare.]
Kirishimas one of those people that is extreamly understanding, especially with his friends. It's a gift and a curse really. He can't really tell when people are playing him. But he can see the other person's view on a situation and add that as a factor before getting personal about something.
[Bakugo: Thanks kiri. Now go back to bed.]
I turned my phone off after the text sent. I knew he'd text me back but I'd look at it later. I want tea.