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Steven took a sip. He was building a line of bottles against the wall of Sadie’s basement. He had asked Sadie to teach him how to drink or rather how to get drunk. He never really been to a party, at least not one where he actually drank. He never went to a high school party because he never went to a high school. Now there he was.
“I never liked Shep.” Steven admitted and with that admittance had to guess that this whole entire thing was working, at least a little bit. He had to be tipsy at least. Steven honestly didn’t see himself saying anything like that sober.
He thought it was something forbidden, but honestly Sadie didn’t seem to react strongly to it. She just swished around her own drink. The girl got comfortable in an old bean bag she had brought out and muttered a plain “I know.”
She followed it with a roll of her eyes.
Steven grasped his forehead, hiding his face just a bit. “And it’s not because of the Sadie Killers I swear. I’m over it. Things change.”
Sadie mmmhmmm'd into her beer.
"Serious." Steven kicked his feet so he could lay his back against the wall and look at her. "Like they were just too happy."
Sadie laughed and the human hybrid blushed. "What? It's true."
"I'm sorry Steven." She was saying it to be polite. Her eyes were too filled with mirth for her to actually be apologetic. "It's just. Steven Universe thinks someone is too nice. How many of your friends have tried to murder you?"
Then suddenly the mirth was gone. "Wait shoot. Should I have said that?"
Steven put down a bottle he had just emptied. It joined the line with the rest. "Nah. I think it's fine to joke about it. I mean it's been a while since that whole thing. Y'know where I-" he mimed his arms wide. He hovered them up and down in a cheap imitation of godzilla. "I'm still working on it, but- it's fine. It's just fine. Don't worry about it. It probably better to joke about it."
Sadie nodded but the way she bit onto the inside of her lip made it look like she accidently kicked a puppy.
The boy pressed against the wall, allowing himself to slump down a bit. The back of his shirt rode up a little and the skin of his back touched the cold floor. "Honestly I think right now I'm still bummed out about missing out on being a normal teen. I should've been going to parties, drinking."
The blonde gave him a look that involved squirting her eyes for a fraction of a second. "You've been to parties Steven and I'm pretty sure those had alcohol at them." She put a lot of emphasis on ‘pretty’.
"Ya, but you guys tried to hide that like I didn't know. The gems have been on Earth for millenniums, they still remember when people thought it was normal for toddlers to buy cigarettes." Steven laughed. He remembered a time in his childhood when his dad had final say on what the gems bought for groceries and various incidents that lead to that. The laughter quickly turned into a deep sigh, one that shifted the air from his gut to his chest back to his gut. "I just want to know what it's like."
"To be drunk at a party?"
"Ya, and the entire feeling of being in high-school.” Steven said, “I want to have that experience of being relaxed after having to do work all week. Like I just took a really hard test that I spent forever studying for."
"Did you really have to go to school for that?” Sadie tapped her fingernail against the side of a beer bottle. “The whole point of school is so when you do something big you're ready for it and I don't think things get much bigger than galactic peace. Got to bigger than finishing the SATs. It has to be worth college credit at least."
"And then after everything you go to college.” It was like Steven didn’t even hear her. He was just staring at the ceiling. “You're just ready for the next step."
Sudden roaring laughter broke him out of his trance. His torso bolted until he was no longer slumping. He caught Sadie trying to stifle her cheers with one hand. She had to fight against a blush once she saw just how confused the human gem was.
"I'm sorry.” She said but a few laughs were still escaping. “Almost no one gets out of college ready for life. A lot of people just go to college because it's what’s expected of them. Not because it’s for everyone. Half of them end up going to trade school, or an online course or loads of things.” Sadie uppercutted the air. “You don't have to go to college Steven especially since-" She hit a wall in her speech. "Ah shoot I don't want to say it."
"Because I'm a gem." He finished for her.
The girl looked sheepish. "You can basically get anything you want, even if somehow you don't have it already." It wasn’t a secret that the gems didn’t have jobs for a couple thousands years and even now didn’t really need them. “Your aunts own beach side property.”
"What about my education?"
"Didn't you grow up with all that alien technology?"
"Then I need to figure out a career. I got to do something"
"Which you have time to figure out."
"Connie's there."
Staring was all that Sadie could do. It took a physical effort, but she knew she couldn’t allow the silence to go on for long. It was better that it didn’t. "Ya well. You miss her huh?" Sadie did an awkward job moving her bean bag closer. She kept standing up halfway, scooting the chair until she was all the way over to Steven. "I guess it must feel weird. Things were so awkward between Shep and I when we broke up and you missed what happened between Lars and I, but you saw pretty much everything else." If anything the two of them grew all civil once they gave up on the idea of a relationship.
"Connie and I didn't break up." Steven assured.
"Sure." The girl looked away. She took a sip to keep her from
"Really."
"Mmmhmm"
"It's just-" Steven cut in where he was getting no reply. He swiped a hand through hia hair. "We had to spend a bit of time apart. That's just healthy. We've been together since we were kids. I mean I never even kissed another girl and then there was the proposal." His fingers were clawing at his scalp. "I mean I'm sure we're be together again, it's just-" he struggled to find the word "-a break. We're just on a break."
"Steven." Sadie beckoned and when the guy looked at her she softly shook her head. "I don't think that means what you think it means."
"I know exactly what it means." Steven's entire torso deflated. "I think I always knew in the back of my mind. I'm just not sure if I can get to use to not being with Connie. I just don't think I can get around not being with anyone. She kept me grounded."
Sadie opened her mouth.
Whatever she was going to say was cut off "Sadie," Steven mourned, "I'm not human."
"Steven…"
"And I know that. I keep trying to stay close to others, but sometimes it feels like I can't connect to other humans." There was an obvious tension building in him but just as it looked like it was just about to reach its peak all it amounted to was a crack in his voice. "Even with Connie. It just felt like I was just trying and I guess I didn't try hard enough."
A hand gazed his shoulder. "Steven. Come here."
Even discounting the alien strength, Steven had the weight of at least two Sadies on him. None of that matter if he was going to be all lifeless. She was able to swing him around easily into her shoulder.
"You don't have to hug me I'm not going godzilla." His words protest but all he did was adjust his cheek for a bit more comfort.
"You can still be a brat sometimes. I swear." Sadie joked.
The moment breathed.
Sadie let it hang in the air until she was dead sure that the hybrid wasn’t going to drop dead the moment she pulled back.
Even as she moved she cupped his shoulders to make sure.
"You are human.” Sadie looked him straight in the eye. It was impossible to miss the stray tears collecting on his lashes. She could feel her eyes start to water. “Everyone feels this way. It's not a gem thing. It's probably the most bonafide human thing there is. It's not easy: getting close to someone and it not working out. You know that I know that. You're heartbroken. You miss Connie. It's okay to feel like that, but it will go away. First loves just take a little extra longer."
"How long?"
"As long as it takes."
Steven sat back. He scrunched up his back and then relaxed. He slumped slightly downwards like a stuff animal placed down on its bottom. "And if Connie wasn't my first love?"
Sadie blinked. "Huh?"
"And if Connie wasn't my first-?" He cleared whatever was in his throat. "-y'know"
"Well, um." Sadie mulled it over before nodding slightly. "Still as long as it takes."
Sadie stared, but Steven seemed to suddenly find just about everything else in the basement more interesting than her. The silence they somehow found themselves stretched longer and longer. A bead of sweat started to form on the guy's brow. If he wasn't going to continue then the blonde guessed that it was going to be her job.
"Steven, who?" She asked the unspoken question.
"I-" His shoulders jolted together. "You'll tell me if I get pink in the face or really pink in the face, right?" Steven grimly joked. "Cause honestly if there was a better time for me to become a kaiju it's probably now."
Sadie cocked an eyebrow. "The fact that you're okay enough to joke about it only makes me want to pry more."
There was a small smile on her lips.
Steven pressed some air between his teeth, making a psst sound. He waved it off. "Come on. Even I know that it's normal for kids to have crushes."
"I guess small Steven wasn't afraid of cooties."
"Cooties?" Steven blinked, "What are-?"
"Tell me who first and I tell you what cooties are."
"For once I don't think learning how to relate to people who aren't trying to kill me is worth it." He said. "People who try to murder me don't care who I had a crush on."
Sadie shot out her palm. "I'm going to guess " she announced. Sadie made a face like she was chewing on something. "Honestly-" After a bit of mulling it over she presented her first suspect. "Steven, you were definitely one of those kids who wanted to marry their mom when they were a toddler and you had like 3 to choose from", she reasoned. "Amethyst. It was Amethyst."
"Haha." It was between a genuine laugh, and a fake one. "Sadie no. I honestly didn't even understand marriage until I was at least 10."
"Steven you once planned a dog copter theme wedding and showed it to half of Beach City."
"I love weddings."
"Was it Jenny? Kiki? Both the pizza sisters?" Sadie rapidly fired her next few queries. It didnt take her long to point at Steven's cheeks. "You asked me to tell you if you got pink in the face and I'm telling you you're pink in the face."
"No, I don't-" Steven paused, "I didn't have crushes on Jenny or Kiki, but Sadie I was a teen with eyes."
"Sour Cream? Jamie? Wait, Lars." Sadie rapid fired names. "Lars, final answer. That's why you were so nice to him when he was a jerk."
"That's why you were so nice to him when he was a jerk." Steven shot back. There was a slight groan. "Also Sadie. I'm 18. You can say 'asshole'."
"No, I'm good." She sang.
"Come on, really. I'm not a kid." He insisted. "Say 'asshole'"
The obvious counter offer was "I'll say it when you drop an F bomb."
"Touche." Steven has to begrudgingly conceded the point. Some smaller swears were easy but harsher one were just out of reach for the alien hybrid.
He was laughing. She was laughing.
"It was you." And then no one was laughing anymore. Steven force a lump back down his throat. "Sadie, I had the biggest crush on you."
"Oh." Was her simple answer. Sadie shook her head. She leaned forward pointing at her own chin. "Oh, me?"
Steven sweeped a palm across his forehead. "Come on. You were like the first girl I can remember meeting who wasn't a gem."
"Well I guess I'm good when you don't have any other options." No mercy was spared for herself.
"Sadie."
"Kidding."
He shot up. "Sadie, it wasn't that." He stepped forward, crouching low in a short of kneeing position. "You were there a lot of the times when dad were busy at work and the gems were on missions."
"Seriously, was kidding." Arms waved rapidly side to side like windshield wipers. Sadie had to dig back into her bean bag just for a bit of distance.
"And even when I got older you were there when I was dealing with my mom." Steven kept his words even trying to give each syllable the weight that he believed it deserved. It didn't last. He ended up touching his temple and swept backwards. He was lightly playing with his hair. "Plus", his voice shook. "you're talented, nice and really pretty."
"Steven." Sadie called out and the boy twitched. He flinched like forgot she was right in front of him. It was like he just realized he was saying those words to her. "Do you-" Sadie hesitated but pulled the trigger, "still have a crush on me?"
Steven dropped down his knee placing it by the other one. "Oh man."
"Guess the booze is working." Sadie let out a laugh. It was forced and pathetic.
"Oh man" repeated once and then twice. Universe fell in slow motion. First he allowed his hip to kiss the wall and then rotated away from the blonde. There was a gentle rocking back and forth like a coin dropped on the floor until Steven settled. "Just do me a favor and shatter me."
"It's not so bad." Sadie tried to comfort. She pumped her arm limply. She would probably later admit that it was a bit much.
"On your end maybe" came out, semi muffled by the shame.
"Huh" Sadie vocally pondered. The realization was a bit funny when you thought about it. "Guess we know why you didn't like Shep."
"I was fine with Lars. Lars cool." Steven exclaimed. At least with his hands in the air he was no longer hiding his face. "Hey Sadie?"
Sadie simply hummed.
"Fuck" was all he said. Sadie waited for him to finish but he didn't say anything else. There was just a pause.
Sadie raised an eyebrow.
"I said it. So I'm not a kid anymore." Steven smiled. It didn't last long. "Please don't think I'm a kid anymore."
"Okay." It was said casually but a bit higher pitched when Sadie's usual tone.
"So maybe you'll take me a little bit seriously."
"Maybe."
"And you'll say asshole right?"
Alright, that did cause her to crack a bit. She giggled. "Don't be such an asshole."