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It had been a bad day.
Tony knew from the sound of his father's voice which he could hear screaming downstairs, even with his door to his room shut. It had started nearly ten minutes ago and hadn't slowed or quietened and Tony was scared. Scared of the yelling, the sound of anger even if it wasn't directed at him. He couldn't figure out why that was.
The yelling was abruptly cut off and Tony swallowed, the sound of silence scaring him more than the yelling. Carefully slipping out of bed, the ten year old crept forward to his door as if he thought the creaking of the floorboards under his feet would break the calm that had fallen.
He turned the knob and carefully eased the door open a crack, hoping to maybe hear the sound of someone, his mother or father, he didn't even care what was said, even if it was about him (though he also hoped not, he didn't want them fighting again because of him) but downstairs, it was quiet.
Tony gathered his courage and opened his door all the way, footfalls silent as a mouth as he went to the stairs, peeking down at the floor below and spotted his father in the doorway of the living area and hallway. He was eerily still, staring at the front door as if waiting for someone to arrive...or to come back.
What was going on? Why was father just standing there? Why did he have that look on his face? Was he angry or sad? Was it both? Was that a red mark on his cheek?
Howard's fingers twitched at his side.
Tony bit his lip, taking a step back to go back to his room and crawl in bed, close his eyes as tightly as possible and hope this was all a dream.
A horrible noise filled the silence of the floorboards groaning loudly underfoot making Tony jump a mile and his eyes going wide.
He was frozen, staring at the offending flooring, too terrified to move a muscle to look back at his father to see if he had heard. However, it didn't seem to matter as he soon got his answer when a strong hand clamped down on his shoulder.
Unbidden, tears gathered in the boy's eyes, turning his head up towards his father's steel gaze. The mark on his cheek looked redder up close. Tony's heart felt as though it was beating out of his chest and he struggled to make his mouth work.
"I-I'm sorry," Tony stuttered out, tears slipping down his own cheeks. It was all he could think to say.
Howard's face didn't change, continuing to stare at Tony with an unreadable expression. Tony blinked the tears gathering in his eyes that made his vision blurry. He wanted to pull away from his father but something told him that would be the wrong thing to do. Howard had never hurt him before but still...the look in his eyes now made Tony want to run.
"Are you o-okay?" Tony whispered finally, glancing at the reddened mark.
This got a reaction, Howard's face twitching and the grip on his shoulder moving to grip his upper arm. Tony nearly tripped, scrambling to stay on his feet as he was half dragged, half walked back to his room. Tony didn't have time to even process what was happening until he was practically thrown back into his room, turning in time to watch his father slam the door shut. He listened to the receding steps getting farther away until he felt as though he could finally breathe again and let the tears fall freely.
The one thing he kept wondering over and over again was why Howard smelled sour.
After Tony's mother left, things only got worse. Howard wasn't around as much and when he was, he barely gave Tony a glance which the boy didn't mind that much. He still had Jarvis who took care of him and loved him in a way his father didn't.
It was forbidden to mention Maria in the house or at the least around Howard. Tony had asked about her when she hadn't been around for days and then weeks. After the look in his father's eyes, the clench of his hands and being told to never mention her again, Tony had done well not to, even if his father was not around.
But it wasn't enough to not mention her. There were some days when the memories got too much and the nights too lonely for his father.
That's when he turned to the bottle.
Tony hadn't realized the danger at first, only giving the glass bottle in Howard's tight grip a questioning look and a worried one to the sour look his father gave him.
The next moment, he had to duck to avoid the bottle thrown at his head, the bottle hitting the wall behind him, shattering on impact and spraying glass and cool liquid over him. It smelled sour, making Tony want to gag.
"Why?! Why did you leave? How could you leave us?!" Howard screamed at him, words slurred and fury in eyes that brimmed with tears, shocking Tony to his core. He had never seen his father cry. "How could you do that to us?! I gave you everything! I loved you! I was loyal! And you left us for that...that..."
Howard sobbed, gripping tightly at his hair. "I hate you! You fucking whore! I would have given you the fucking world!"
Tony shook where he stood, glass around him making him terrified to move in fear of it. A sense of feeling trapped came over him and he sobbed himself, breath hitching in his throat. "S-stop it...please, d-dad, I'm s-scared."
Howard was still breathing heavily, eyes still clouded with rage as he reached for another empty bottle and Tony wanted to curl into a ball and hide from it. He didn't even hear when Jarvis got to the room, the sound of glass crunching under his shoes as he wrapped an arm around the boy, picking him up out of harm's way as another bottle hit the wall. Tony screamed at the sound as Jarvis carried him out of the room.
"I fucking hate you!"
Tony didn't sleep after Jarvis had left him alone when he was sure the boy wasn't hurt. How could he? The haunted, pained look in his father's eyes wouldn't allow him to sleep.
It was early morning when the door of his room opened, streaming light into the dark room. Tony didn't move, knowing without looking who it was before Howard even spoke.
"Anthony..."
Tony squeezed his eyes shut tight, willing the tears not to come. Footsteps approached and he wondered if his father could see the tremors running though Tony's body in the darkness. The bed dipped as Howard sat.
"I am so sorry."
Tony opened his eyes, still not looking at the man. Did his father even care whether he was awake or did he already know?
"I'll make this up to you, I promise," Howard spoke, his voice full of pain and regret. "I'm so sorry you had to see me like that...you do not deserve my anger, son. It was unfair you had to deal with that."
Tony stared ahead of him.
"How about..." Howard paused, thinking for a moment. "You and I can go out today. I know you asked Jarvis to see a circus show. I will take you, I'm sure I can find something on such short notice."
Silence.
"Please, Anthony, just look at me."
Tony felt the first tear fall, his father sounded so desperate and as much as Tony wanted to stay angry, he didn't have it in him.
The sound of Howard's relieved sigh when Tony threw himself at the older man to hug tight, receiving the warm embrace back nearly made up for the fear he still felt.
Howard still smelled of that sour liquid.
Good things never last long. That's why he should have been prepared when things took a turn for the worse. He should have known it was bound to happen, no matter how hard he tried to be a good son, no matter how much Howard tried to be a good father.
Jarvis had picked him up from school and Tony was excitedly telling him about the things he's made out of the lost and found items when they opened the door to the house, Tony freezing a few steps inside, the stench of sourness in the air.
From the way Jarvis paused, glancing to the living area, he smelled it too. "Tony, go to your room and lock the door."
Tony didn't want to leave. What if something happened to Jarvis? What if he got hurt? What if his father wasn't his father? What if-?
But the look Jarvis gave him, stern and pleading, left no room for argument. Tony went, taking the stairs two at a time. He barely reached his room before the yelling started, rushing in and slamming the door behind him, locking it as instructed before he crawled in bed, covering his ears to block out the screaming.
He didn't know how long he was in there, how long it had been since Jarvis went to face the monster that had taken over his father alone when the banging started. Loud thuds against his door, accompanied by his father's-no, by the monster's voice. Because his father would never do this. His father would never hurt him, would never say such horrible things to him. His father loved him.
"I know you're in there! You can't fucking hide forever, Maria! Get out here you cheating bitch!" The door shook on its hinges and Tony suppressed a whimper, his whole body wracked with shivers as tears fell and hoped someone would save him from the monster.
When morning came, the banging had stopped. It had stopped long ago but Tony was too afraid to move. What if the monster was still out there, waiting for him?
He jumped when there was a soft knock at the door but rushed for it when he heard Jarvis' gentle voice asking him to let him in.
Tony was enveloped in a tight hug from the butler, hushed softly as he cried. Jarvis had a purple and black bruise near his temple but Jarvis didn't show any pain, only relief. Relief that Tony was safe from the monster.
Like last time, Howard apologized, guilt ridden and shaking. But to the surprise of his father, Tony forgave him, nearly instantly, hugging him as soon as he got out of Jarvis' hold.
"It's okay, dad. I know you're not the monster," Tony whispered, holding tight to Howard's shirt, not ever wanting to let go. Maybe if he just held onto his father for as long as he could, the monster wouldn't be able to come back.
Jarvis looked on with a pained gaze.
Howard was drinking again. Drinking the sour smelling stuff that brought the monster out and Tony was scared. He wanted to run to his room or to Jarvis but Jarvis wasn't there that night and he...he couldn't leave. If he left, the monster would surely come. If he stayed, maybe he could keep it away.
"Dad?" Tony whispered, hesitantly walking over to his father who was sitting on the couch, leaning forward as he glared at the bottle in his hand. "Dad, please, don't let the monster out. It...it scares me."
Howard looked up, eyes rimmed red as he stared at his son. He tilted his head slightly, the bottle held loosely in his hand. "You look so much like your mother."
This made Tony pause, a frown on his face. The monster never said anything like that. It always yelled at him like his mother was there, not that he looked like her. Maybe that meant it wasn't too late to make sure the monster wouldn't come out.
"You act like her too," Howard continued, voice strained. "The sweet innocence about her. You got that too. If only I knew hers was all an act."
"Please, dad, don't drink that stuff," Tony begged when Howard raised the bottle to his lips. "Please, I don't want you to disappear."
"Like your mother?" Howard gritted out, taking a drink from the bottle despite Tony's protests. "Leaving me alone to raise you. I can't raise you. I don't know how to be a father. She was scared but so was I. She should have stayed and helped raise you but she left to run off with that asshole who could never treat her right. Now look at me. I can't even stop from drinking because...without this...it hurts so much. Why did you have to leave us?"
Tony watched with dread as Howard drained the bottle, fear settling in as a heavy weight on his chest. He knew as he watched the grip on the bottle tighten, that he should have run to his room. He knew now that it was too late.
He barely took a step away from the monster taking over his father when it grabbed him in a punishing grip, dragging him forward even as he yanked hard to break away but it was no use.
"You'll pay for what you did, you bitch," Howard hissed.
Tony's eyes widened as the bottle was raised and the last thing he remembered was a sharp pain in his head as everything went dark.
Howard apologized.
Tony forgave him.
Every. Single. Time.
Because his father wasn't to blame. It was the monster's fault after all.
Tony came down from his room to show his father his latest engineering projects, excited for Howard's questions on how he managed to build it with the box of scraps he had collected and proudly explain it all until he was too exhausted to talk and Howard would carry him to bed, tuck him in and kiss him goodnight.
But it wasn't meant to be.
He saw the bottle before he smelled the sourness in the air.
Howard glanced up when Tony's footsteps stopped in the doorway, that fear inducing bottle held in one hand.
"Dad...?" Tony whispered, the contraption held in his hands long forgotten.
Howard stared at Tony for a long moment before he shuddered. "Anthony...go to your room, lock the door, turn off the lights and don't make a sound. The monster's coming out and...and I don't want him to find you."
Tears welled up as Tony nodded, dropping the contraption and bolting for the stairs. As he closed his door, he heard the sound of breaking glass downstairs.
The next morning when Tony made his way downstairs, he found his father passed out on the couch, the mechanical device Tony had wanted to show him last night held loosely in his hand.
Tony loved his father. And Howard...Howard loved Tony too.