Archive of Our Own

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"I hate to be rude, but we have to hurry. We have company. The maid showed up with her five-year-old daughter." William Lewis says chuckling. "Sweet little Luisa..."

"What did you do?" Olivia asks, the fear once again rising in her chest as she sees the feral look in his eyes as he talks about the child.

"Nothing yet." He says nonchalantly, "That little one, she's a cutie."

Olivia’s come to recognize his patterns well and she knows he’s gearing up for something big. He’s been getting more creative with his torture, he’s cut her, and he’s burned her with every possible object including her own badge and it never seems to be enough. He’s been taunting her, threatening to rape her, touching her in ways that make her skin crawl, and every time he goes a little bit further. A hand under her shirt to grope her, his tongue forced down her throat as she tried desperately to turn her head away from him, a hand down the front of her pants, a finger pulling her panties to the side and dipping inside of her… She wishes he would just get it over with.

It’s felt inevitable, and days of torture have left her drained, a shell of her former self, hoping that they’re nearing the end, no matter what that end might mean for her own life. But as he talks about the faceless little girl in the next room, Olivia knows she won’t be able to live with herself if his next victim is a child. A piece of her former self, a piece of Sergeant Benson, comes back to her. She can’t let him hurt Luisa.

"Little girls huh? Old ladies... What is it with you?" She taunts him, "Are you afraid of me?"

He laughs, his back still turned to her as he packs tools back into his torture bag. "Oh no, Sweetheart... I was just hoping we could take our time."

Olivia turns the bar in the headboard that she’s handcuffed to while he’s turned around, wiggling it, testing its strength against her own. As she fiddles with the bar, she’s fairly certain if she pulls it hard enough it'll come loose, and she'll be able use it hit him.

He forgot to put the handcuffs back on her ankles the last time he had been torturing her, burning keys into the skin on her calves. She had been impossibly still, making sure not to bring attention to it. With her legs loose, if she can pull out the bar she’s handcuffed too, she’ll be free.

She knows he's getting ready to move her again. It’s been days since he killed the lawyers’ parents, and she knows he’s building up to something else… He’ll kill someone else, anyone else, in front of her and leave a horrible scene for someone else to stumble upon. And then he’ll drug her and shove her into the trunk of the car and take off. She can’t take it anymore.

 Olivia is also distinctly aware that every time he moves her, her chances of being found drop dramatically. After the third location he had moved her too, her faith in her team was outweighed by the depressing odds she knows all too well to be true. But on one of their last stops, Lewis had left the radio on while he went into a hardware store to purchase God knows what and she had caught a piece of a radio show… “Prominent New Jersey couple murdered in their home, thought to be connected to New York murder case.” The newscaster’s voice has been ringing in her head for days, providing a glimmer of hope.

They found the lawyer’s parents… That had to mean they were getting close. She left them so many clues in that house… A swipe of her blood on the door frame, a blood handprint on the counter, her necklace in the trunk of their car…

"We've been together for four days..." Olivia says carefully, an eyebrow raised, tracking his movements, "There's a lot of talk, but not a lot of action."

"It's coming, baby." He says confidently, not giving much thought to anything she’s saying to him.

Olivia’s stomach turns as she watches him move around the room. Everything in her is screaming at her to stop taunting him… She’s defying all of her instincts, but she knows what she has to do.

"I wonder if... If you're not man enough to get it up for a real woman." She says much more boldly than she feels.

"Huh?" He says, turning around to look at her. Olivia tenses up as his eyes land on her, she struck a chord. She knew that would do it.

"You see we profiled you... A tyrannical sadist who preys on the weak." She presses on, "I think you're afraid of me."

Lewis slams the blowtorch on the dresser and Olivia jumps, her wrists aching as they pull against the handcuffs.

The fire and anger behind his eyes terrifies her. All of her instincts tell her to pull back, to stop taunting him, to make herself small, but she knows she can’t. It’s not about her anymore.

"I do." She says, using all her energy to keep her voice from shaking, "I think you're afraid of me.

"Do I look afraid to you?" He rages at her, dropping the bag that’s in his hands with a thump. "Let's get to the action."

Olivia whimpers softly as he moves towards her, hands unbuckling his belt and then reaching for hers.

She counts down from three and pulls the bar from the headboard with all of her strength, relieved beyond belief when it pulls free. He looks up in shock, his pause just enough time for her to swing wildly at him, the end of pipe connecting with his jaw and knocking him backwards, into the wall.

He stumbles and moves for the dresser, where her gun sits on top. She swings again, this time hitting his wrist with a satisfying crack. He curls his injured arm into his body to protect it and tries in vain to move away from her.

Olivia kicks him as hard as she can, knocking him on his ass and she drops the pipe, reaching for her gun. She holds the gun on him, pointed at his head. She's in unbearable pain as the handcuffs dig into her wrists, but she manages to keep her hands steady, her finger on the trigger.

Her heart beats in her ears as she stares at him. He looks much smaller as he sits on the ground, bleeding from his face and clutching his broken wrist. The power is hers now, and she's not giving it back.

"Don't move." She says, her voice steadier than she feels.

"Why? What are you going to do?" He taunts, rising to his knees and moving towards her.

Olivia moves backwards quickly, her heartrate rising again as he moves closer to her, the gun still trained on his head, "One move, lights out."

"Okay, alright." He says, holding his hands up in resignation, unnerved by how calm she is, "You want to be in control for a while, baby? I can play that..."

The way he calls her baby makes her skin crawl and she sees red. She feels herself slam the butt of her gun into his head and she watches as he crumples to the floor. She watches him for a moment, his body limp and unmoving. Blood trickling down his temple from a small gash in his forehead. She nudges his leg with her foot, watching closely to make sure he’s not awake.

She steps backwards, eyes still on him as she backs up towards the dresser and searches frantically for the handcuff keys, looking back at him every other second, checking to make sure he isn’t behind her. Her wrists are bleeding and bruised and her hands shake violently as she turns the keys in the lock and the handcuffs fall to the ground. She rubs at her wrists for a moment… The deep purple bruises have their own heartbeats and the cuts that have developed from days of pressure sting to the touch.

She picks the handcuffs up off the floor, hesitating for a second in front of Lewis’s body, afraid he’s faking and that as soon as she touches him, he’ll pull her to the ground. She shakes the thought out of her head and slaps the cuffs on his wrists quickly, watching his face the entire time in case he is waiting to grab her. She tightens the cuffs until they dig into his wrists just like they have been hers for days on end. She cuffs his wrists around a pipe that sticks out of the wall, and she backs away from him, tucking her gun into the back of her pants.

Olivia rushes out of the bedroom and sees a scared woman and her daughter, who she pushes behind her legs at the sight of her.

"Did he hurt you or your little girl?" She asks quickly.

The woman shakes her head and Olivia nods, "I want you to take your daughter and I want you to get out..."

"No, no, I call the police..." She insists.

"Listen to me," Olivia says, ushering them towards the door, "I am the police, he's a very bad man and he's going to go away for a long time..."

The woman looks at her skeptically, still clutching her daughter’s hand. Olivia knows how she must look, the woman’s resistance to her is to be expected but she wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss Olivia if she knew how dangerous the man lying unconscious in the other room truly is.

"Are you legal?" Olivia asks.

The woman doesn't say anything. She and her daughter are luckier than they know to have crossed paths with William Lewis and walked away with their lives. Olivia won’t let them sacrifice the lives they’re trying to build here for her. She knows all too well that as soon as this woman testifies, she and her daughter will almost undoubtedly be deported back to whatever country they came from.

"If the police find out you and your daughter were here, they will take your daughter and they will send you away, you need to leave..." She says seriously, opening the door for them, "You need to go, and don't tell anyone you were here."

They leave quickly and Olivia stands on the porch, watching their car disappear around the bend in the driveway. She manages to tear her eyes away after a few moments and she takes a shaky deep breath in. She closes her eyes as she feels the sun on her face for the first time in days. Her hands shake violently, and the fresh air feels foreign against her damp skin, grimy with dirt and several days’ worth of her own sweat and tears, still sticky with her own blood.

Olivia forces herself to open her eyes and take stock of her surroundings, looking for anything to tell her where she might be. A street sign, a landmark, a building in the distance… Anything. She focuses for a moment, and she can hear water moving in the distance and behind some trees she spots a familiar metal sculpture. She begins to cry as she lets out a relieved sigh.

Lewis had force fed her pills and denied her water, forcing vodka down her throat instead… She had lost all sense of time when they were driving around. She had done her best to guess how long they had been driving each time, but they had been for long stretches, and she passed in and out of consciousness. She had been playing out worst case scenarios in her head for days, for all she knew they could have made it down South, so when she sees the metal arch that she knows means they’re in New York it takes everything in her not to drop to her knees and sob.

Olivia takes another deep breath on the porch before she walks back into the house and pulls the gun out of her waistband, heading for the bedroom without so much as an inkling of a plan inside of her head.

"Hey. Hey you..." She says, kicking Lewis’s leg to see if he'll wake up. He doesn't move... She knocked him out cold.

She stares at his limp body for a moment, and she's filled with unspeakable rage. Her body aches and it's screaming at her to sit down but she can't. Her knees shake under her weight as she stands over his body.

She sighs, not a single clear thought passing through her mind. Everything is so foggy, she can’t focus. She watches Lewis intently as she paces the room, fighting with her own brain. Why hasn’t she called it in? She looks at him for a moment longer before she squeezes her eyes shut, cradling her head in her hands. What is she doing?

She opens her eyes, and stares at him, crumpled in an uncomfortable position on the floor, hands handcuffed above his head, and she feels an unfamiliar pull in her stomach. She wants to hurt him… She wants him to feel the way she has for the last five days.

"You're out cold aren't you? I haven't called anybody yet. I think I want you to suffer first. Maybe I could burn you, or cut you." She laughs to herself. "I could use the blowtorch on you..." She says quietly, clicking it on and off. "But you might enjoy that too much. See you... You'd know what to do. Your whole life, you know what you want... And you just do it. What I want to do... I want to shoot you in the head right now... Watch you bleed out. Or maybe that's too easy."

"My old partner, he'd know what to do." She says in a near whisper.

The only clear thought she has is a simple one, one of her former partner. It hit her all at once and God, it knocked the wind out of her. As she stands in the bedroom, staring at the man who’s held her captive for five days, she knows now that the only thing in the world that will make her feel safe is Elliot. She longs for his large and looming presence, the way it fills a room and promises safety. She craves his touch and the way it soothes her to her very core.

She’s flooded with the memory of the way he had cradled her head in his hands and held her close after the near shooting at the airport… And another, the way he had run to her and pulled her into a bone crushing hug in the hallway after Sonya was murdered. The way he had grabbed her by her arms and pulled her behind his desk for cover during that shooting in this precinct…

She knows that if she called, her squad would come for her… But she doesn’t want them. She can’t bear the thought of anyone else seeing her like this, so broken and defeated. She needs Elliot and the comfort only he has ever been able to bring her. She needs him to hold her in the way that only he ever has and breathe in the familiar scent of his cologne that makes her feel like she’s home when she closes her eyes.

Elliot wouldn’t let Lewis get away with this…

"He wouldn't question himself after what you've done. He would kick your teeth in. Break your legs, break your arms, break your back, break your face. Maybe I should call him? Maybe I should get him to use that metal bar on you, huh? Make you beg for your life?" She says shakily.

"Then do it. Do something. Please God, that speech, that's the saddest thing I've ever heard in my life." He growls, opening his eyes and sitting up against the wall.

"Shut up." She says, taking a step backwards, the fear in the pit of her stomach rising as he begins to move.

"Your partner would know what to do. I would know what to do. And you just stand there wondering what to do." He sneers at her.

"I will hurt you."

"Then take the cuffs off." He says, sitting up further, trying to get leverage against the wall.

"Stop talking." She demands, squeezing her eyes shut. She can't take it anymore. 

"Or what?" He taunts her, "You gonna shoot me? You don't have it in you. You want to, but you can't. Because you're a nice girl."

He has her dialed in... He knows that she doesn't have it in her to do it, not like this.

"You don't know who you're dealing with." She says more to herself than him.

"That old partner of yours, he sounds very macho, doesn't he?" He teases.

"No." She says, her face stony. He hadn't been asleep, and she had given him an in... An insight into the only thing he could truly use to hurt her. What has she done?

"It must've been tough for you, all those nights alone in the car." He says with a sly smile, watching the way his words make her recoil.

Just as she has been studying him and his patterns for the days they’ve been together, he’s been studying her. And Olivia hates to admit that she’s given herself away more than she intended.

"You don't get to talk about him." She says, shaking her head.

"Did he ever do you? He did, didn't he? I can hear it in your voice. You still want him." He laughs. "You're all bottled up."

Something inside of Olivia snaps when he begins to laugh at her and she strikes him across the face with her gun, knocking him unconscious again. Lewis slumps against the wall and Olivia backs away from him.

She puts the gun down on the dresser with a shaky hand and she picks up his torture bag, rifling through it. She tosses a blow torch, pill bottles, and condoms on the floor before she spots the burner phone and drops the bag the bag to the floor.

She flips it open, and she stares at the tiny screen while her fingers hover over the buttons, shaking.

Her thumb hovers over the number nine button. She knows what she should do. 911… It’s three numbers but she can’t do it. She’s shaking so violently that she’s almost sure she won’t be able to dial the number, but her fingers dial the familiar number quickly just as they did every day for almost twelve years.

She brings the phone to her ear and her stomach turns as the dial tone rings, once, twice, and then three times. What if he doesn't answer? What if it goes to voicemail and she's made to listen to his voice message just like every other time she's called in the last two years.

On the fourth ring the phone clicks.

"Stabler." He says gruffly.

Olivia's stomach drops at the sound of his voice and her eyes well up. "Elliot..." She chokes out, tears streaming down her face as she covers her mouth with her hand to keep from crying. 

"Liv? Olivia?!" He says, sitting up in his chair, suddenly alert. His ears must be playing tricks on him.

"E-El, I need you..." She manages, her voice shaking so badly she can barely speak, "Just you."

"I'll be there, Olivia," He says, pushing himself out of his chair and grabbing his keys as he sprints for the door, "Just tell me where you are. Help me find you, Liv."

"I-It's a house, a white house on the water...", She stutters, "The river. The Merrit Rook case. The river he jumped into... There's a minivan parked in front of it."

"That's great, Liv..." He says gently praising her, his chest swelling with pride, "I know exactly where you are, Honey, I'm on my way. I'll be there in less than 10 minutes."

She fought back, just like he knew she would. He knew she was alive, he felt it in his gut. No one had stopped looking for her, but the tone of the investigation had changed. They weren’t expecting her to find her alive, but he refused to accept that. And he had been right. He silently thanks God for granting him this.

Olivia hears the hum of his car engine and the squeal of tires as he speeds through the city, taking turns and corners faster than he should.

"Stay on the line, Liv..." He says steadily, "I'm coming."

Olivia nods her head, both hands holding the phone to her ear as she shakes, "El, please, hurry..." All of the adrenaline that had given her the confidence to fight back is starting to fade and she’s become incredibly aware of how weak she feels. Her body is betraying her and she’s not sure how much longer she can fight against it.

Olivia glances back at Lewis, feeling absolutely no relief that he's still unconscious. She knows all too well that when he wakes up he’ll be angry and she doesn’t want to be alone for that. She doesn’t trust the integrity of the pipe holding him to the wall if it were to be tested against his rage.

"Liv where is he? Where's Lewis?" Elliot demands, the earlier pride and relief he had felt quickly cast aside when he hears the fear in her voice. In all of his relief that she was alive, he had forgotten to be a cop.

"He's unconscious, handcuffed to a pipe..." She says, still staring at him, "I hit him. With the gun. He's bleeding."

Elliot nods his head, relieved, "That's my girl."

Elliot listens to Olivia take shaky breaths on the other end of the phone as he races across the bridge, lights and sirens blaring.

“Are you hurt, Liv?” He asks, “Do you need a bus?”

“Don’t call a bus.” Olivia says a little too quickly for Elliot’s liking.

“Liv…” He says cautiously.

“I’m hurt, but I’m okay.” She says, “El, I just… I don’t want anyone else to see me like this.”

The embarrassment and the shame that lace Olivia’s voice break his heart and he worries about what exactly that might mean. He read the case files, many of the notes in Olivia’s own handwriting… He knows Lewis’s M.O. And he also knows that Lewis has had her, uninterrupted, for five days. He’d be a fool not to think the worst.

“Okay…” He agrees, “Just keep talking to me, okay?”

It's only a few minutes before Olivia hears the sound of gravel crunching under tires and a car door slamming.

She throws the phone to the side, and moves for the door, stumbling as she pulls it open, her hand on the wall to keep herself steady. When she pulls the door open, she sees Elliot sprinting up the driveway. He really came for her.

Elliot runs up the steps two at a time, practically crashing into her as he pulls her into a tight hug. Olivia whimpers at the pressure on her broken ribs but she can't make herself care about the pain as she collapses into his arms.

He holds her close, an arm wrapped tightly around her and one hand on the back of her head, holding her close to his chest as he closes his eyes and rests his chin on her head, breathing a sigh of relief for the first time in five days. She’s here and she’s alive.

Tears roll down Olivia’s face as she breathes in the familiar scent of her former partner... It wraps her in warmth and brings her home. For the first time in days, she knows she's safe... Nothing bad will happen to her as long as Elliot's here.

"You're okay, Liv, I'm right here..." He whispers, kissing her temple, and bringing her in even closer.

After a few minutes he pulls away ever so slightly to look at Olivia. Her hair is matted, and her face is bruised and bloodied... She smells of vodka and what Elliot knows without a shadow of a doubt is burnt flesh. A couple tears fall down his face as he looks at her, bringing her back into his arms and letting her tuck her face in against his neck.

He knows he should be grateful that she’s safe but looking at his partner in the state she’s in fuels his rage. For her team for not noticing her absence for days, for the way every single agency has seemed to fumble their cases with Lewis, but most of all for himself. He left her… He knows for a fact that if he hadn’t this wouldn’t have happened to her. This is his fault.

Olivia’s silent tears quickly turn into ugly heaving sobs as the adrenaline begins to leave her body for the first time in nearly five days. "Elliot..." She sobs.

"I've got you, Liv..." He whispers against her hair, "He can't hurt you anymore, you're safe... I won't let him touch you... Never again."

Olivia clutches Elliot as tightly as she possibly can, in part to make sure he's real and that days of torture haven't led her to the cruelest hallucination in the world. But the feeling of his solid chest underneath her cheek and his arms wrapped tightly around her shaking body is enough to convince her that he is real.

There's a groan in the other room as Lewis starts to wake up, stirring against the wall.

For the first time since his eyes landed on Olivia, Elliot looks away from her, suddenly remembering why he's holding her, broken and beaten in the living room of a strange house.

He lets go of Olivia, leaving her in the living room and walking into the bedroom. His eyes dart around the room moving from the bloodstained mattress to the duffel bag on the floor, contents spilled out in front of his feet. He feels nauseous as he looks down at the rope, the blowtorch, the knife, a string of condoms, and several pill bottles.

He looks to William Lewis who's stirring in his sleep, beginning to wake up and he calmly and quietly walks towards him. He puts his bodyweight behind his fist as he punches Lewis across the face. He hears a crack and watches as his nose begins to gush blood down his face and shirt. "Wake up, you twisted fuck."

Lewis blinks his eyes open, disoriented for a moment, trying to bring everything into focus. After a moment, his vision focuses on the large man in front of him, he looks past him and sees Olivia standing timidly behind him, clutching the doorframe.

He grins.

"Welcome to the party." He laughs, "Who'd you invite, Olivia?"

"You don't talk to her." Elliot seethes, gritting his teeth. He hasn’t felt rage like this in his entire life. He knows as he stares at William Lewis that he would burn this house to the ground with him still inside it without a second thought.

"You the boyfriend?" He asks with a grin, "Come to avenge your lady?"

"I'm her partner." Elliot spits, his rage beginning to give him tunnel vision.

Lewis grins. "I've heard all about you, partner. Didn't think you'd show up..."

Olivia's cheeks burn with embarrassment, but Elliot doesn't flinch. He crouches down next to Lewis and smirks, "You hurt someone I love more than anything in this world... And now... You're going to feel that pain."

Elliot picks up the pipe from the bedframe and swings it like a bat, slicing Lewis's cheek open. Lewis grunts and spits blood, glaring at Elliot.

"From what I've heard you're about as much of man as they come. And this sure as hell isn't a fair fight. Be a man take the cuffs off." Lewis taunts him.

"When you broke into her apartment and put a gun to her head... When you tied her up and burned her, when you shoved pills down her throat, was that a fair fight?" Elliot yells, the reverberation from his voice shaking the whole house.

"Come on fight like a man!" Lewis yells back.

"You wanna fight, let's fight!" Elliot says, blind with rage.

"Elliot, please..." Olivia begs from behind him. "Don't take the cuffs off."

Elliot pauses, the sound of her voice bringing him back down to Earth. It doesn’t sound like the Olivia he knows… She sounds small and scared, of him or of Lewis he doesn’t know.

"Come on, macho man, listen to your lady..." Lewis grins, "We both know you'd lose anyway."

“El, please…” Olivia says again.

Elliot squeezes his eyes shut. He needs them both to be silent for a minute so he can think.

“Come on, big man…” Lewis teases him.

Elliot clenches his fists, "Liv, I want you to go into the living room and use my phone to call it in." He says calmly and without turning around, "Don't watch me do this."

"Elliot please..." Olivia says, her voice shaking, "Don't do it, he's not worth it."

"Get out, Olivia." Elliot barks.

Elliot’s tone silences her. He’s only spoken to her that way once and she had been just as scared then as she is now. Olivia goes quiet, her eyes wide as she watches Elliot but she doesn’t leave, she can’t.

She watches as Elliot tucks his gun into the back of his waistband and takes the cuffs off of Lewis, letting him get to his feet before he palms his head and slams it into the wall, putting a basketball sized dent in the drywall.

Elliot lets Lewis get back to his feet and he watches him struggle and sway before trying to throw a punch that Elliot easily ducks.

Elliot hits him once in the stomach, and once in the face as he's doubled over, knocking him backwards into the wall.

Olivia had been terrified when he took the cuffs off Lewis, fearing that just as she had, Elliot was underestimating him. But as is often the case, Elliot’s in control of a seemingly untenable situation.

Lewis freezes against the wall, frantically looking around the room for an exit route. Elliot watches his eyes land on an open box cutter.

Elliot shakes his head, "I wouldn't do that if I were you..."

"Why not, big man?" Lewis teases, "You gonna shoot a man while he's on the ground?"

"Give me a reason..." Elliot says, his tone terrifyingly calm, "Give me a reason to put a bullet between your eyes."

"Elliot..." Olivia whimpers. She wants him to stop and put the cuffs back on, but she knows all too well that the second she dialed his phone number, she had sentenced Lewis to a fate much worse than the one she had endured.

"You two... You're all talk..." Lewis says, "She couldn't do it either... Talking a big game about how she wasn't scared of me..."

Elliot’s jaw is clenched, and he has to work hard to fight the urge to pummel Lewis into the ground until he’s no more than a stain in the hardwood flooring.

"But she didn't have much to say when I had my way with her..." He grins, "You should have heard it man, the way she cried... The way she screamed... Like music to my ears. Hope you don't mind, I took a turn, you don't exactly seem like the sharing type."

"I'm done talking to you." Elliot growls, "Stand up."

Lewis uses the wall to pull himself up and tries to reach behind himself. Elliot draws his gun this time, trained over his heart.

"What did I say?" He yells, "Don't even think about it."

"Why not, Detective?" He says, taking a shaky step forward, "You gonna kill me?"

Elliot stares at Lewis, fighting the urge to look back at Olivia. He wants to look her in the eyes, he needs to. He needs her permission.

"You can shoot me right here and now and I'll die a happy man knowing the last thing I got to look at was our sweet Olivia..." He taunts.

"Elliot, don't let him get to you..." Olivia pleads, "Put the cuffs back on him, El."

Elliot's silence terrifies her.

"Come on, El," Lewis sneers, "List to her, Livvy asked you nicely, put the cuffs back on me..."

"Elliot--" Olivia starts.

"Stop talking, Olivia." Elliot raises his voice, "I told you to leave." He can’t take the sound of her voice, begging him, pleading with him to stop.

"El..." She begins to cry, "Please..."

"Come on, El, please, she said please..." Lewis continues on, a twisted smile on his face, "She's begging you... And we both know Liv, she begs so well, how can you tell her no? I couldn't... She begged me for more... And God she was so tight--"

And with that, all the reasoning that he had done with himself is gone. Elliot squeezes the trigger, firing not one but two bullets into Lewis’s chest. The sound of the gunshots and Olivia's scream are deafening.

He watches blankly as Lewis crumples to the floor, blood pouring from his chest. Neither of them move to help him, and they both watch as he bleeds out on the floor, his movements stopping after a few seconds and his breathing only a second later.

Elliot watches him for a second and then crouches to take his pulse, relieved when he can't find one. As he looks over Lewis's body, he sees a small gauge pistol tucked into the back of his pants. He can't make himself wonder why Lewis didn't pull it on him.

Elliot looks at Olivia and back down to the Lewis's lifeless body and he knows that'll sleep well tonight. 

He stands up and turns back to Olivia and he sees her frozen, with a blank look on her face, holding on to the doorframe to keep herself steady.

He silently wraps his arms around her and nuzzles the side of her face with his.

"I'm sorry I scared you..." He whispers, his voice gravelly as he holds back tears, "And I'm sorry I wasn't here..."

Elliot's voice and the warmth of his skin against hers brings Olivia back down to Earth and her eyes begin to well up. She tries to speak but words seem to escape her.

"I love you, Olivia." Elliot says quietly.

Olivia might have cried if she wasn't in so much shock... It's all she can do to let Elliot hold her and whisper promises of safety and comfort in her ear.

• ••

Ayanna pulls up in a gravel driveway, alongside Elliot's car and shuts off her engine. Jet had watched Elliot pick up the phone and sprint out the doorway, peeling out of the parking lot so quickly he left tire marks on the pavement.

When Jet had called, Ayanna had a feeling in the pit of her stomach that it had to do with the kidnapping of his former partner. They had all received the news of Sergeant Bensons kidnapping nearly five days ago and Elliot had been reeling ever since.

He punched a hole through a wall in the hallway of the precinct and dented a couple lockers beyond repair. Since that first day he had been pacing a hole in the floor and harassing SVU about how slow their investigation was moving.

He had begun his own and her order to drop it was ignored. She knew as soon as she said it, that the only thing she had done was close herself off from him. He was never going to stop looking for Olivia. She’s less than surprised that Elliot had managed to outdo the work of the entire SVU squad to find his former partner.

But even so, as she grabs her gun from the passenger seat, she has a pit in the bottom of her stomach trying to picture the scene she’s about to walk in on. She’s more than afraid she’s about witness firsthand, Elliot Stabler’s undoing. If Olivia is anything but okay, or going to be okay, she knows it will be the final straw, the thing that finally does him in.

Before she's able to open her car door she hears two gunshots, and her heartrate rises in her chest.

"Dispatch this is Sergeant Ayanna Bell, requesting backup at my current location. Send all available units..." She says quickly, pushing her door open and running up the driveway, "We have a possible officer involved shooting."

Ayanna moves up the steps quickly, her gun drawn as she listens in front of the door for a moment, concerned when she can't hear a thing.

"NYPD..." She calls out, kicking the door open.

She walks into the house to see Elliot holding Olivia in a tight hug as she cries silently into his chest, and a man lying on the bedroom floor in a pool of blood.

Elliot looks up to meet her eyes, but Olivia doesn't.

Ayanna's silent as she watches the woman she considers a friend clutch her partner. She's been beaten badly and she's bleeding from her face. Her clothes are torn and burned and the blank and traumatized look on her face makes Ayanna sick to her stomach.

They begin to hear sirens in the distance and Olivia looks up at Elliot fearfully.

"Call them off..." Elliot says stiffly, "We don't need the whole damn cavalry showing up."

"You know I can't do that." Ayanna says.

"I'm not asking you not to call it in, I'm asking you to call off the extra uni's and hold off until we get her out of here." Elliot says harshly, never letting go of Olivia, "We don't need a fucking audience for this, Ayanna."

"I understand that, Stabler, but there are policies and procedures that you neglected." She says, "We do this by the book."

She had been worried about Olivia too, but now that she’s had a moment to see that she’s okay, she can’t pretend like all of the steps Elliot had skipped over don’t matter anymore. She knows better than anyone that he cuts corners to get results and with a high profile case like this one, that could cost all three of them their careers.

"You're gonna jump down my neck about policy and procedure right now?" Elliot asks, his blood beginning to boil.

Ayanna bites her tongue as she looks at them, not wanting to hash this out in front of Olivia. 

"Elliot, you should have called this in immediately." Ayanna says quietly, "You didn't and now there's a dead man on the floor. You know how that looks... Not to mention the fact that I told you to drop your investigation--"

"I called him." Olivia says quietly, her voice hoarse as she looks up to meet Ayanna's eyes for the first time, "It's my fault."

"Liv--" She starts. 

"No, it's my fault--" She insists, "I called him instead of calling it in... I-I didn't want anyone else to see me like this.", Olivia looks at the floor trying desperately not to cry, "I wouldn't let him hang up, I was too scared."

Elliot closes his eyes and brings her head back into his chest, “It’s okay, Liv…” He whispers against her hair with a tenderness that comforts Olivia just as much as the whole display shocks Ayanna.

Ayanna’s used to a man who can be accurately described as brash and heavy handed. But everything about the way he’s holding Olivia, and the gentle way he speaks to her, speaks to a softer version of him, a man carrying for someone he loves intimately. And as heartwarming as that might be, it makes the body on the floor in the other room all the more concerning.  

Ayanna nods her head and stares at the floor for a second. "And Lewis? What happened there?"

Elliot and Olivia exchange a look that tells Ayanna everything she needs to know.

Ayanna has a vivid flashback that leaves her standing in the warehouse, a gun to Eamon Murphy's chest and tears in her eyes as she wrestled with her own morals and her rage. She can still feel Stabler walking up behind her and gently putting his hand on top of her gun, lowering it.

"This not how we do this." He had whispered, bringing her back into her own body and stopping her from shooting the man who had killed her partner.

The room is filled with red and blue lights as cop cars and ambulances pull up in front of the house. 

"What happened to "This not how we do this. “?” Ayanna asks, a quiet rage coming over her as she stares at Elliot. 

Olivia looks between Ayanna and Elliot confused as she watches them glare at each other angrily. She recognizes the look of pure rage on Elliot's face as he stares at Ayanna with his jaw clenched. 

"This is not the same and you know it." He practically growls at her. 

Fin is the first person to rush through the door and he stops in the doorway, surprised but not at all shocked to see Elliot, his arms wrapped around Olivia protectively. 

Elliot breaks eye contact with Ayanna, meeting Fin’s, who nods at him with gratitude.

"You okay?" Elliot asks Olivia quietly, nodding his head towards the front door. She nods and they begin to walk towards the front door. 

"Detective Stabler you and I are not done here." Ayanna says seriously.

"Not another fucking word about this, Ayanna." Elliot says with an authority that quiets the room. "We're done."

Olivia takes a few shaky steps, unsteady on her feet and reaches out for Elliot. He watches for a moment as she sways trying to keep her balance and without hesitation, he scoops her up, a strong arm under her knees as he brings her close to his chest and carries her out of the house. 

As Elliot walks down the steps Olivia sees a half dozen cop cars, an ambulance, and news vans pulling into the driveway. 

She tucks her face into Elliot's chest as tears roll down her cheeks. 

"I know, Liv..." He whispers. 

"Elliot!" Cragen calls out, jumping out of his car and running towards them. "Is she...?"

"Alive." Elliot confirms. 

"Here, bring her here..." Cragen motions for him to bring her towards the ambulance. 

Elliot sets her on the stretcher and turns to look at Cragen. Fearing that he's going to leave her Olivia reaches out frantically and grabs his hand. 

The fear etched into her face breaks Elliot’s heart and he gently and lovingly, squeezes her hand and brushes the hair out of her eyes.

"Hey, hey, I'm not going anywhere, okay?" He says, looking into her scared and tired eyes. 

"We'll talk later." Cragen says with a nod.

"Load her up and shut the goddamn doors before those vultures make up it up here with their cameras." Elliot orders the EMT's. The young men waste no time following his orders and they push Olivia into the back of the ambulance.

Elliot hops in the back with Olivia, never letting go of her hand. The EMT's work around him as he holds one hand and strokes her face lovingly with the other. Neither of them speak, but neither one feels the need; Elliot overcome with gratitude that she’s alive and holding his hand, and Olivia, exhausted, but grateful for his comforting presence.

"She's got a concussion and she needs some stitches, but she's going to be fine." The EMT says with a sympathetic smile, "We'll be at Mercy in about ten minutes." He leaves the back and takes his seat in the cab, leaving them alone. 

Elliot manages a smile as he looks at her, he can tell she's doing her level best to hold it together but that it's becoming too much work. 

"It's okay, Liv..." He says quietly, his eyes welling up, "You're going be okay.” 

Olivia starts to cry, tears streaming down her face as she draws in ragged breaths. She feels like her throat is closing.

"Elliot I can't... I-I can't do this..." She stutters, suddenly feeing trapped and claustrophobic in the back of the ambulance, pulling against the straps on the stretcher, tears rolling down her face as she fights the restraints. "Get it off me... Get it off!"

"Okay, okay..." He says quickly, "I got it, I got it." He undoes the buckles on the straps quickly as Olivia hyperventilates, unable to gain any kind of control over her breathing. 

Elliot undoes the last buckle and pulls Olivia into his lap with a strength that surprises her. He holds her tightly as she sobs and strokes her hair. 

"You're okay, you're safe..." He whispers against her skin. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

"Please Elliot, please don't leave me..." She sobs into his neck as he holds her. 

"Never again, Liv..." He says gently, silent tears running down his own face.

He lets her cry, and cry she does. She can feel the exhaustion in her bones and her whole body hurts... She was holding it together with Lewis, but the adrenaline is gone, and she feels so safe in Elliot's arms. 

"I love you, Olivia..." He whispers against her temple, "You're safe."

As he strokes her hair and promises her over and over again that he'll keep her safe, his own guilt settles into the bottom of his stomach. In this moment he knows he'll spend the rest of his life trying to make up for leaving her and allowing this to happen to her. He’ll hold her just like this every day for the rest of their lives if she needs him too… It doesn’t matter what she needs, he’ll go to the ends of the Earth to make this right.

Olivia does her best to focus on the feeling of his fingertips against her skin, and the feeling of his solid chest and strong arms holding her as close to his body as possible as she listens to him whisper sweet nothings in her ear, the sound of his voice grounding her. If she weren't so exhausted, she would be embarrassed for the way she's clinging to Elliot, and for the comfort she feels in his presence. But right now, all she can be is grateful. The sound of his heartbeat and the warmth of his touch soothe her in ways that nothing else ever could.