Chapter Text
Chuuya takes the backseat of his own mind. He’s not in control, he never is. There are always two voices in his head.
Chuuya feels the pull. The pull of gravity from the sun and stars, millions of light years away. It is comforting in some way, knowing that the tugging in him is a way of securing him to reality, keeping him grounded.
The rage that stirs within him cannot be quelled, it’s fire ever-lasting. He is a god, the god of calamity, destruction, death even. Yet he is as human as he is god.
He cannot control things that matter most to him. He cannot control his mind, his body. One bent in submission to a God, and another to a mortal.
He does not know what to do, who would he turn to?
Kouyou?
She would just freak out and start fussing over him which he didn't want.
Dazai?
Chuuya scoffed. Dazai only chose him because Odasaku died.
So who then? Who would understand him?
The truth was— no one did, not even himself. That was what made it so hard for him. And so when he receives the call from Dazai asking him to coach Atsushi, his first instinct is to refuse. After all, Dazai had only come to him because he thought Chuuya had experience in the area of losing control, and wanted him to help tame the tiger. But controlling arahabaki, that was only on the surface. It was like he had two voices in his mind, always waging war with the other.
What right did he have to be teaching another when he could do no better? Besides, he didn't want the prying eyes and sharp mind of Dazai to deduce whatever he was hiding. This was his secret, and his burden. Chuuya didn't want anyone finding out. But yet, something inside him kept stirring. It was something that he couldn't shake away, not until he finally relented to Dazai over the phone.
And so as the mafia executive stepped over into the threshold of the ADA, he ignored the alarmed and confused looks shot at him. Of course, Dazai hadn't bothered informing his colleagues about his coming. His eyes scanned the room for Dazai, but found no sign of him. Atsushi, who had been sitting on a couch in the corner, stood out nervously and offered to shake his hand.
"Hi Chuuya-san, thank you so much for coming to teach me. I know you must have many other things to do too."
Atsushi laughed anxiously, clearly eager to please. Atsushi had heard alot about Chuuya from Dazai, and could infer that Dazai respected and was fond of the man.
"Where's that shitty brat?" Chuuya huffed.
"Oh, Dazai-san is out buying some groceries. I expect he'll be back soon, but we can start first." Atsushi replied, clearly taken aback by the name-calling. This was not what he expected.
Chuuya only grunted in response, and Atsushi led him to a spacious basement. Chuuya started by asking Atsushi a few questions, like what he was having trouble with. Chuuya could tell that Atsushi was nervous, but eager and willing to learn. He understood why Dazai liked his new protege so much, Chuuya himself was starting to grow fond of him.
But when Chuuya asked Atsushi to come at him, the younger male had stopped in his tracks. He was visibly sweating, and his breathing awry. Chuuya knew exactly how it felt to be in his shoes, but when he was the one in training with the Port mafia, there was no time to pause. To hesitate would mean death. He understood the struggle of getting the ability out, the internal struggle of holding a rein on it. Chuuya doesn't push it, and instead asks Atsushi to take a break. When Atsushi is ready, they start again, with Chuuya giving him some pointers.
The door creaks open, its hinges protesting against the heavy metal door. Dazai steps in, wearing that smile he always does. The same smile that causes a jolt in his stomach everytime. Chuuya ignores him, and Dazai seems more than happy to continue the silence. Chuuya can feel his eyes on his back, even as Atsushi charges at him with the tiger activated. Chuuya easily catches him with a kick, and Atsushi tumbles awkwardly onto the ground. But he gets up immediately.
Chuuya sees it, the tiger and Atsushi were not synchronised. Atsushi was probably too afraid that he would go on a rampage again, and the tiger sensed his fear. Chuuya knows how it felt like, to be guilty of the aftermath of losing control and causing harm to the people around him.
“Don’t hold back, you can’t hurt anyone here. Just be yourself.” Chuuya coached gently. Atsushi nodded earnestly in response.