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Hange was weird, and too loud, and out of place, and obnoxious, maybe even crazy. She knew that perfectly well, as lots of people had told her over the years. But despite knowing about her many flaws, she had never made much of an effort to change or hide them, and as such, she found herself rather friendless as a child. She didn’t mind too much, though. The children in her age group didn’t share her interests, and they never wanted to listen to her. So why should she bother with them? The loneliness she might have felt couldn’t match with the hassle of it all.
When she was older, she cared a little more. Girls her age were talking about boys, and clothes. Hange had learned everything there was to know about frogs by then, and had moved on to birds. Somehow, people liked it a lot less when she was dissecting birds than frogs. She still didn’t have many friends.
When Hange first joined the Cadet Corps, she had determined, through much thought, and advice from her mother, that she would make some friends. She was going to be working with these people for the rest of her life, she wanted to get along with them.
Hange could be persuasive when she wanted to be, and the first day of training, she scanned the dining hall for a friendly face. There! She put on her brightest smile, and confidently walked over to the young boy. She made an impression on him, certainly. Whether it was good or bad, she wasn’t sure, but either way, she must have grown on him.
Moblit Berner was one of her very first friends. And he was very sweet, and amazingly patient, and he listened! Moblit was a wonderful friend.
When she and Moblit joined the Survey Corps, Hange made more friends in Mike, and Erwin, and Nanaba. They were all wonderful friends as well, who appreciated her scientific interests, and her, and didn’t even mind if she teased them! Hange wondered if she had been missing out more than she realised as a child. She didn’t remember really being lonely per se… She’d always thrown herself into research on whatever she wanted to know about, so despite never having friends until now, she’d had plenty to do. However, now that she did have friends, she knew that it was very possible for her to feel lonely. And she could recognise it in others now.
That was why she said hello to the new recruits every time they got a few. She always wanted to know their names, to make them welcome, because she knew it was scary to join the Survey Corps. She learned every recruit’s name, and when a mission was over, it was Hange’s unofficial job to find out who didn’t make it back.
She wanted to know the names of the recruits that no one was speaking to, as well. They looked lonely, although they were their own close-knit group. They were good fighters. She decided to introduce herself.
“Hey, you! Can I disturb you for a moment?” she asked with a bright smile. She began talking about how one of them, Levi, had brought down a titan so brilliantly.
She knew they came from a rough background. The underground was so dangerous, and they wouldn’t be used to social life here. Still, getting ready to stab her when she was just complimenting his 3DMG skills was a bit overkill… no pun intended.
“What are you talking about?” Levi asked.
“What am I talking about?” Maybe there’d been some confusion somewhere. It was pretty likely, since Hange didn’t watch her mouth nearly as carefully as she should. “I’m Zoë Hange. You’re Levi, right?” he nodded. “This girl over here is Isabel. And this is Farlan.”
She’d got all their names right, and so she sat down with them, much to their alarm. They were all very reserved. She wanted them to feel welcome. They were truly incredibly skilled. Especially Levi.
Isabel was smiling, and suddenly she burst into a fountain of words. “We are amazing aren’t we?” she shouted. “Big bro is the strongest one out there! Even underground he was the strongest!”
Hange couldn’t seem to get a word in edgewise to ask questions while Isabel was chattering, so Hange offered her some of the sweets that she’d brought along.
“So, how about it, Levi? Would you be willing to let us know what goes on inside of your head?”
Levi was quiet. “Sorry,” he said. “I’m exhausted.”
Hange was only a little disappointed not to get the secret to his 3DMG technique, since the poor guy did indeed look exhausted.
“Well, I’ll talk to you later.” she smiled. “Hey, if we make it back alive, I’ll buy you lunch sometime!”
They didn’t all make it back. Just Levi. Without his friends, he seemed much lonelier, and much more exhausted than before.
“Hey, Levi?” she approached him when they were back at headquarters. He didn’t reply, didn’t even look at her.
She didn’t give up. Hange wasn’t going to let him alone. He needed time, and she wasn’t sure exactly what to say. Not until one day when she was rifling through her things, looking for a pair of scissors, and she instead found the candies that Isabel had left on the cart, and had never gotten the chance to retrieve. She grabbed them immediately and went to go knock on Levi’s door.
“Levi!”
He opened the door with a scowl. “What?” he asked curtly.
“Um…” the idea had seemed simple at first. “I-Isabel left these on the cart before the expedition, and I thought, maybe you might want them?”
Levi didn’t appear to react. He just stared up at her with cold, blank eyes. He looked even more exhausted than he had been before.
“Thanks, Hange.” he said.
She nodded. “Sorry for not getting them to you earlier.” she looked at him more closely. “Are you okay?” she asked. He said nothing. “I suppose not, but that’s fine.” at last, she’d thrown him off.
“What?”
“Not being okay. You cared about them very much, obviously. It wouldn’t really be normal for you to be fine after this. But,” she continued. “You shouldn’t spend so much time by yourself.” he was staring at her now. “You should talk to someone.”
“What, like you?”
Hange grinned. “Sure!” she said. “Why not? You’re lonely, aren’t you?”
Levi narrowed his eyes, maybe Hange had gone too far, but she continued to beam at him.
“Fuck off.” he said, and walked back into his room.
But he didn’t close the door.
Levi never closed the door on Hange. He was lonely, and she understood that. She had been alone, and had lost people, and she knew. In the five years she had known him, she had been able to detect the cracks, and the sore spots, and the empty holes where people he loved used to be. She knew how reluctant he was to let people in, so while she never left him alone, she was careful not to push him too far that he resented her. Because Levi was spectacular, and she didn’t want to lose him. His sense of humour was the same as hers: absolutely horrifyingly shit. He was smart, too. Not in the same way that she was, but in more practical ways, that she had to admit were very helpful. That wasn’t to say that he didn’t care about her research, because frankly if that had been the case, she wouldn’t have cared about him as much. But he did care about her research. He believed in it, although it had been difficult to convince him the benefit of studying titans up close. He listened to her rambling, actually listened, and offered suggestions, and asked questions. She loved it.
She thought that maybe, just maybe, she loved Levi.
Five years after that, she was quite certain of it. She did love Levi. He was every bit as amazing as she’d thought on first impression. When she was with him, she didn’t feel at all weird, or like she was too loud, or obnoxious, or crazy, even if he out and out said that she was. She knew he didn’t mean it. Levi was a person that Hange felt she belonged with. Wherever they were was a place that Hange belonged, whether it was in the wild, titan-infested land outside of the walls, or in her lab, or in his quarters. When she was with him, she didn’t feel lonely.
“Hey, Levi?”
“Mhmm?”
“Do you ever feel lonely?”
Levi turned around from his paperwork. “What?”
“Lonely.”
Levi sighed and looked away, as he did to think. “Not as much. You?”
Hange smiled. “Not as much.”