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Maybe I Need Something Stronger

Summary:

When Finn's girlfriend of three years turns down his marriage proposal on New Years, Finn heads to New York to try to work out with Kurt why none of his proposals end up working out. Answers don't come easy, and sometimes they don't come at all.

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Even though Finn had stayed in Lima, studying education, a part of him had hoped at some point he’d get out of Lima, if not Ohio. But once he’d completed his degree, he’d been offered a job right away at Lima South Middle School. One of the best parts of his job, at first, was getting to coach middle school football. Finn was able to help get boys, and girls, ready to pass off to Coach Bieste, his former coach.

His job was demanding. Finn took pride in developing interesting and engaging lesson plans for his social studies classes especially. He’d been hired to team teach grades 6-8, where he was the grade 7 homeroom teacher, and taught social studies, health and physical education, and music to all three grade levels. The social studies specialty had been a little bit of a surprise, but it was kind of Puck’s fault.

Finn was never more than an average student at best, but geography was a subject in which he did well. But until that moment, studying with Puck for his senior geography final rewrite, it had never even been a second thought. Almost a year later, though, while registering for classes at OSU-Lima, Finn had chosen an American History and a World Geography class as his two electives.

The other thing about staying in Lima was that Finn found it difficult to find anyone worth dating, let alone anything else. There had been a few women, most notably, another teacher, from Lima West Middle School that Finn had dated for almost three years. Everyone thought they were heading to the altar; Finn included.

~~~

Kurt’s life hadn’t exactly gone according to plan either. NYADA had happened, but so had an internship at Vogue dot com. That thankfully became a paid internship by his senior year. For just over two years, he tried to get parts on Broadway, in movies, and on tv, using his paycheck from Vogue to help pay the bills. But there was never anything more than bit parts, his internship then turned into his own column, which more than paid the bills.

Always his supporter, Isabelle had suggested one night over dinner and drinks, after a rejection from yet another Broadway producer, that maybe Kurt might want to consider a different path. Ideas were thrown around and within a few months Kurt was back in college; this time studying fashion and journalism. With a second degree under his belt, Kurt was now an associate editor with Vogue.com, working hand in hand with his mentor Isabelle Wright, and creating and cultivating relationships with actual designers. One of the major American design houses had offered to back a small collection in February.

 

As for Kurt’s romantic life, he and Blaine had yo-yoed back and forth through their years at NYADA and their first year after graduating. They got engaged three times and almost made it all the way to the altar once. But both of them looking for performing jobs on Broadway was stressful. Plus the financial drain of trying to live and plan a wedding while Blaine didn’t have a job to fall back on, lead to their final break up. In the years following, Kurt had dated a couple of models, one designer, and two up and coming Broadway stars. He swore off Broadway stars, though, after his last almost serious Broadway boyfriend had taken him to cast party, where Kurt had discovered the understudy was his once fiance, Blaine Anderson.

~~~

Because he was so busy with his designs for the show, Kurt decided not to return to Lima for Christmas. He made it clear that it was probably better if the Hudson-Hummel’s didn’t join him in New York either. So when someone buzzed his apartment in the late afternoon the first Saturday of the new year, the last thing he expected was to hear a sniffling ‘Happy New Year’’ from an eerily familiar voice.

“Finn?” he asked, brows knitted in confusion.

“Yeah, are you gonna let me in, or did I come all this way to cry and get snot all over your intercom?” Finn replied brokenly.

“Sorry.” Kurt buzzed Finn in and opened the door waiting for the taller man to arrive. He looked up when he heard the elevator ding and heard the footfalls in the hall. Whatever he was expecting, the Finn that walked through the door was not it. His shoulders hunched, and he carried a small backpack over his shoulder. Clothes wrinkled, a face full of scruff, with red eyes and a red, raw nose, all Kurt could ask was, “what’s wrong?”

Finn pushed past Kurt, dropping the backpack near the door. He immediately headed for the fridge and pulled out a can of diet coke, popping the top. “You need something stronger in your fridge, Dude.” He leaned against the counter. “I’m sorry for just showing up. I know you’re busy with your designs and samples for the show. But I couldn’t just sit at home.” He pulled a small blue velvet box from his pocket and slid it across the island to Kurt.

The fact that Finn was voluntarily drinking diet Coke spoke volumes to his emotional turmoil. As the blue velvet box slid across the counter, everything became crystal clear. Kurt’s feet moved until he was standing in front of Finn, his arms wrapping around the taller man’s back, his head resting against Finn’s chest. Kurt inhaled that scent that was just so distinctly Finn and his heart ached. Words died on his tongue, because what was there to say when someone turned down a marriage proposal? Or broke an engagement?

Finn’s arms came around Kurt, strong yet gentle, and he rested his cheek on top of Kurt’s head. “How do you know just what I need?” he murmured, voice cracking with unshed tears. “I didn’t even know why I came here. Just that you would fix it; that you’d know how to fix it.”

Kurt pulled away from Finn’s hug, patting his chest. “I don’t know that I can fix it, Finn. But your faith in me is something I hope I never have to live without.” He blew out a breath. “I can help, though. And you said you need something stronger to drink, so let’s go out and get something stronger.”

Finn looked down at his wrinkled clothes. “Do I have to change?”

“Only if you want to.”

“Everything else I have is…” Finn gestured to the backpack.

“I could always iron something for you,” Kurt suggested. “I do actually own one. But… on second thought. Wait a moment.” He disappeared into his bedroom, and when he came back he had a long flat box in his arms. “This was meant to be your Christmas gift. But it didn’t arrive in time to send to you, so I was keeping it for when you came for the show. ”

“Kurt,” Finn sighed, taking the box. He lifted off the lid, pulling out a nutmeg colored cashmere v-neck sweater and pair of dark wash jeans.

“I know you’ve never owned a cashmere sweater before, and please, please promise me you’ll always dry clean only,” Kurt said. “Also the jeans might be a fit you’ve never worn before, but they’ll fit and I promise you’ll like them.”

“This sweater feels so soft,” Finn said, putting it on the counter. He peeled off his jacket and then his shirt, before pulling the sweater on in the middle of the kitchen.

Kurt watched wide eyed as Finn enthusiastically stripped off in the middle of his kitchen. He smiled, reaching out to smooth the sweater over Finn’s chest. “It’s cashmere, and it’s supposed to be soft. Touchable.” He pulled his hands away. “Please, I have a fully functioning bathroom. There’s no need to strip out of your pants in my kitchen as well.”

“Right,” Finn chuckled, picking up his clothes and moving over to Kurt’s bathroom.

Kurt gripped his kitchen counter. One side of his brain argued with him, that the last thing he needed was to go out drinking, when he was only months away from his first fashion show. But the other side argued that this was Finn. And there was nothing he wouldn’t do for him. The cynical part of Kurt argued that Finn knew this and used it to his advantage, but the optimist part of him knew Finn could never be so malicious.

~~~~

“Three years Kurt,” Finn sighed. “Should it have really have been that surprising?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then how come I thought she’d say yes? How did I not know that she wanted to focus on her career still for a while?” He took another gulp of his beer; his second of the night.

“Because you were in love with her,” Kurt replied. “Maybe she didn’t make her plans for the future clear?” He sipped on his drink.

“Maybe,” Finn shrugged. “Or maybe I’m not loveable. At least not long term.”

“That...that is not even possible.”

“I don’t know. How many times have one of my relationships ended because what I felt was something different from what the girl felt?” Finn finished his beer with a gulp and flagged down the waitress ordering another.

“That’s what happens though, with relationships. One ends, and sometime later, another begins,” Kurt shrugged. “It’s not like my track record is any better than yours.”

“How many people have you proposed to?” Finn eyed Kurt.

“Well, none, but, that’s not the point? Is it?” Kurt tilted his head. “The point is that you are completely loveable. And not just for a short time.” He took another sip of his drink. “Completely long term lovable; trust me,” he said softly. Sitting across from Finn in a brightly lit bar, music pulsing in the background, alcohol flowing through his blood, it was easy for all those old feelings to bubble back up to the surface.

Finn reached out and took Kurt’s drink, finishing it off.

“Hey!” Kurt pouted. “That was mine.”

“And I needed a drink,” Finn shrugged. “You told me you’d take me and get me something stronger to drink and help me ...get better.”

“I did, I did,” Kurt aquised. “Look, if I had a simple reason why you’re still single, I’d give it to you. But the only thing I can come up with is you just haven’t met the right one yet. And those girls; those women were all fools.”

Finn blinked, his hand reached for Kurt’s, covering it and giving it a gentle squeeze. “You really do believe that don’t you.”

“I do.” Kurt gulped, swallowing a large breath of air. “Order me another drink? I want to go dance.”

“Okay,” Finn nodded.

Kurt shook his head as he made his way to the dance floor, inhaling deeply, letting the music move him. One song bled into two, then three. By the fourth song, he was beginning to feel like maybe he’d abandoned Finn and should go back. A hand wrapped around his waist, a drink thrust in front of him from behind. Kurt spun on his heel about to tell the stranger to take a hike. Only it wasn’t a stranger. It was Finn. “You scared me,” he said , one hand coming up to rest against his chest, the other reaching for a drink. He swallowed half of it down in one gulp.

“Hey, sorry,” Finn smiled. “You weren’t coming back. I thought it was your subtle hint to come join you.” His hands rested on Kurt’s hips, as he tried to move to the music. “I finished my beer, and then brought you your drink.”

“You don’t dance.”

“I’m dancing now aren’t I?” Finn asked.

Kurt nodded, taking another sip of his drink. He looked up at Finn from under his lashes. He draped his one free arm around the back of his neck, his fingers toying with the hair at his nape. “Is this okay?”

“Very,” Finn nodded. He closed his eyes, humming low in his throat, the vibrations rumbling through his chest which Kurt could feel as they were pressed so closely together. “It feels good; what you’re doing to my hair?”

“Yeah?” Kurt asked. “You like that Cowboy?”

Finn nodded, eyes still closed. “You haven’t called me Cowboy in a really, really long time.”

“I haven’t?” Kurt asked. In his head he still often referred to Finn as Cowboy but maybe he didn’t say it outloud much anymore.

“I figured that was because you didn’t like me, like that, anymore.”

“Oh,” Kurt said simply. “I never thought about it like that. I just figured we were past the silly nicknames.”

“I didn’t realize how much I liked that silly nickname until you stopped using it,” Finn admitted. “Even more so when I realised it was because you didn’t like me anymore.”

“Well, I like you right now.”

“I meant more than like me,” Finn said, opening his eyes.

“Finn,” Kurt whined. He straddled one of Finn’s leg and pressed their bodies even closer together, letting the him feel his obvious erection. “That’s more than like…” he murmured. Finn pressed himself closer, his own erection sliding against Kurt’s hip. “Tell me what you want Cowboy.”

Finn ran his tongue along his bottom lip. One hand cupped the side of Kurt’s face as he leaned in to press their lips together. He pulled away. “Right now, I want you.”

“You’re going to have to tell me how far you want to go,” Kurt said. “Because there is no way I’m not going to take this chance as far as you’ll let me, Finn.”

He nodded, leaning back in and kissing Kurt again, tongue licking into his mouth. “Your mouth tastes yummy,” Finn murmured.

“Does it?” He flirted. “I think it’s going to taste even yummier if you let me blow you.” Kurt rocked his hips against Finn’s. “Do you maybe want to get out of here and try that?”

“Yeah. That sounds kind of great actually.”

~~~

“I’m only going to ask one more time,” Kurt said as they entered the apartment. “Are you sure this is what you want?

Finn was already pulling his sweater off over his head, laying it across the back of a chair. His fingers moved to the button on his jeans. He nodded. “I told you. I want to do this is you do. I don’t want this to just be a pity blow job.”

Kurt grabbed Finn’s hand and stilled it, walking him backwards towards his bedroom and pushing him back against it. “It’s more like a fantasy blow job, Finn. Seriously, I’ve dreamt about this since I was fifteen years old. “

Finn moaned. “God, I feel bad that that turns me on as much as it does.”

“That’s not that only thing I’ve dreamt about Cowboy.”

“Unfair Kurt,” Finn murmured. “That’s so unfair.”

 

~~~

Kurt woke up in the morning to Finn lightly kissing him.

“I’ve got to go but I didn’t want to just sneak out,” Finn explained. “But I wanted to thank you for everything last night.”

“Are you feeling any better?” Kurt asked.

“Of course I am.”

“And last night was?”

“Last night was great. Something I needed; maybe something we both needed,” Finn explained. “But you’ve got to get ready for your show and I have to be back in Lima at least until June.”

“And after that?”

“I don’t know,” Finn sighed. “I didn’t come here expecting last night to happen. I hope you know that.” He reached out and took Kurt’s hand in his. “I didn’t hop on a plane to get a little drunk with you and then trade blow jobs and have sex with you. I came because I wanted to spend time with you. Be with you. “

“I didn’t say you did.”

“I know. But I needed to make sure I said it, that you knew,” Finn said. “But I’m not ready to talk about anything else at the moment. And I don’t think you are either.”

“So….”

“So. We go on as we have,” Finn suggested. “You make sure you’re show is great. I’ll come out for that if you still want me to.”

“Of course I do,” Kurt said.

“Okay so that’s the next step,” Finn said. “Look, long distance has never worked out for either of us before and you’re too important for me to even want to risk it.”

Kurt nodded. “Okay.”

“So just a step at a time. And we’ll figure it all out,” Finn promised. “Together.”