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It’s been a few weeks since Sasuke departed from Konohagakure, and Kakashi hasn’t even had the time to cope. Between cleaning up the broken pieces of his team, going on missions to keep the village safe, and dealing with all the judgment of the villagers who’ve decided to blame this incident on him, he’s been absolutely shattered.
Well, no. Shattered is an understatement. He doesn’t know if Guy will be able to put him back together this time around.
He wants to be left alone more than anything. He wants to go to sleep for as long as he can before the next mission, but for whatever reason, Guy is especially talented at finding him when he wants to be alone and dragging him out when he needs to be around people.
So, he’s not alone. Instead, he’s stuck at a bar that he doesn’t want to be at. The only reason he doesn’t complain is because he’s in the very middle of the booth with Guy’s arm tossed over his shoulder and Guy’s voice right in his ear as the older man happily chats to their friends who surround them- Genma, Anko, Ibiki, Kurenai, and Asuma. Kakashi isn’t really listening, just staring at Guy.
Maybe they’ve never been in love- no, that’s not what their relationship is. Though they certainly love each other, it’s unspoken. They’re shinobi who have already experienced too much loss and Kakashi is too damaged to maintain anything committed. Guy loves him anyway. However, neither of them make a move, too afraid to push what they have.
Too afraid to shatter one another beyond repair.
Kakashi doesn’t mind it much. They push each other to the brink, then fall back before they push it too far. It’s a mutually beneficial relationship that’s provided Kakashi with much needed comfort over the years. Why Guy stays after everything Kakashi has said and done, he doesn’t understand. He chooses to ignore the questions about it that linger in the back of his mind in favor of drinking it in while he can, because he knows that some day, Guy will either die or move on like everyone else in his life has.
“My first time? It was actually pretty good,” Genma says, which catches Kakashi’s attention. Everyone at the table seems to have their eyes on Genma, except for Guy, who looks back at Kakashi. The younger man blushes and stares down into his lap while listening to Genma’s story. “With a much more experienced girl. Now that I think about it, it’s a miracle she didn’t laugh at me back then… The relationship didn’t last long, though, and she ended up moving to Suna, but I do remember this thing that she used to do with her mouth where she’d-”
“Sorry, I zoned out for a minute,” Kakashi clears his throat and interrupts. “Why are we talking about this?”
“Oh, c’mon, Kakashi, loosen up!” Anko, who sits on Kakashi’s other side, slaps Kakashi’s back way too hard for comfort and laughs into his ear. He flinches at the loud noise and leans into Guy more than he should. “We’re just sharing stories about our first times, what’s yours?”
It’s a sore spot because Kakashi really hasn’t had a first time. Sloppy makeouts and handjobs in the back of ANBU dorms or with other ANBU members in a tent during missions, sure, but real sex that most people would constitute as an actual loss of his virginity? Certainly not. Kakashi doesn’t trust most people enough to let them see his face, let alone trust them to do such intimate and vulnerable things to his naked body (which he finds to be quite average if not a little gross)… Kakashi craves intimacy. He wants to know what it would be like. However, he wouldn’t be surprised if he dies a virgin at this rate.
Too humiliated to answer, Kakashi shakes his head and says-
“Suddenly, I’m zoning out again. Feel free to leave me out of this one.”
“Fine, then, Guy?” Anko asks, then teases with a smirk- “Or have you even had sex?”
Kakashi expects the answer to be ‘no’ or some sort of deflection of the question, so he listens with a smile.
“Of course I have!” Guy immediately proves him wrong. The worst part is that Kakashi can tell he’s not lying, and suddenly, he’s so jealous of whoever it is that’s slept with Guy that he finds himself gripping the knees of his pants as tightly as he can without breaking his own fingers. It’s not like he’s ever made a move on Guy. He doesn’t have the right to be mad. Yet, the thought of pummeling whoever it was that dared to have their way with his best friend into a pulp is one that he entertains for far too long before realizing just how crazy it is that he’s this worked up over someone who isn’t even his. “I remember my first time like it was yesterday; I met this absolutely beautiful man who was part of an ANBU subdivision, but he was very sweet, too, and a year or two younger than me. He had these big brown eyes and long, silky brown hair, and a kind smile that I still remember to this day. Funny thing was, it was in the middle of the training grounds, too! The act itself wasn’t all that great, but it’s a good memory!”
Kakashi’s stomach sinks. He’s sure he knows the man Guy is talking about, too. It’s a good friend of his from when he was still in ANBU. Unfortunately, he also knows he has no right to be jealous as he hasn’t tried to get Guy to do anything with him, let alone get into an exclusive relationship with him. He tries to shut the feeling down to no avail.
“Do you still talk to him?” Kurenai asks.
“Oh, no, he disappeared a while ago!” Guy answers with a dismissive wave. It leaves a sour taste in Kakashi’s mouth; just thinking about Guy and Yamato, thinking about Yamato getting to have what he’s been wanting for years. “He’s on some sort of mission, I think, but I hope he’s doing well.”
“Huh, I wouldn’t have guessed that you’d ever…” Asuma starts, then trails off. “ Done anything.”
“Do I really seem like a virgin to you guys!?” Guy laughs with a heavy blush. “C’mon, now!”
“Ooh, I remember my first time…” Ibiki pipes up, to which everyone attentively listens.
Kakashi just buries his face in his hands and pretends not to care about any of it.
He can already tell that the night is going to be terrible.
After everyone recounts their uncomfortably detailed tales of losing their virginities with Kakashi sinking progressively further into the booth, they start to file out of the bar one by one. Kakashi is relieved as the talk starts to die down into more casual things that don’t make him embarrassed and red in the face.
Eventually, he and Guy are the only ones left. Guy slams down his third protein shake of the night as Kakashi sits there and continues sipping on his sad watered down soda. The carbonation tastes like jealousy and regret instead of the lemon lime drink that he ordered off the menu.
“Looks like we’re the last ones here, huh?” Guy speaks, red in the face and smiling. Kakashi’s cheeks burn pink again as Guy reaches over and grabs his hand. Suddenly, that little childhood crush rears its ugly head again until Kakashi shoves it back down and looks away to keep himself from drinking in every part of Guy’s disgustingly toned body with his one uncovered eye. The ravenette somehow looks beautiful under the cheap, yellowy light of the bar. “Better head home soon.”
“Right,” Kakashi gulps and tries to slip out of the booth before anything else can be said, only for Guy to catch him by the hand to keep him there.
Kakashi blinks and glances back at the older man, who’s peering up at him with curious onyx eyes. His mouth goes dry, and his heart skips a beat. The electricity that starts to shoot through his veins where Guy’s fingers are wrapped around his hand is intoxicating. He wants more of that feeling, wants more of it so desperately, but he can’t have it, so he snatches his hand away and shoots Guy a questioning glare.
“Wait! Before you leave, Kakashi, what’s wrong?” Guy questions, seeing right through Kakashi like he’s always been able to. “You’ve been quiet all night. I dragged you out here to keep you from getting too torn up over Sasuke, but I feel like it didn’t help at all...”
“No, it’s not about Sasuke… It’s a little embarrassing. I mean, I’m not shaming what anyone does behind closed doors- you see what I read in my spare time- but I was somewhat taken aback by the fact that most everyone tonight just kept talking about sex…” Kakashi explains, knowing full well that he can’t play it off or lie since it’s Guy that he’s talking to.
“Really? Why?”
“We’re shinobi, Guy, we’re too busy to have a sex life.”
“That’s not true at all, my dear rival! Just because we live busy lives doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be able to indulge in the throes of passion- we’re in the springtime of our youths, after all, it’s what we should do!” Guy spews his perspective even though Kakashi didn’t ask for it, which is nothing new. Kakashi rolls his eyes, to which Guy laughs, pulls him in, and looks at him with disbelief. “Kakashi… Are you seriously telling me that you haven’t had sex at all since becoming a shinobi? Don’t lie to me, you charmer, you-”
Upon scanning Kakashi’s expression, Guy pauses. His face drops. Realization seems to tear through him all at once, almost as if the reality of Kakashi’s pathetic (and non-existent) love-life has just crashed down on him.
Kakashi rushes to say something- anything - to make this less awkward than he knows it’s going to be.
“Uh… Well, it’s not like I haven’t done anything at all, it’s just-”
“You haven’t had sex, have you?” Guy asks knowingly. The words are whispered in a hushed way, as if it needs to be a secret. As if it’s something to be ashamed of. “
That’s
why you clammed up when everyone started talking about it!”
“Well-” Kakashi tries to argue that no, that’s not true, he doesn’t ever clam up. But he can’t, because he can’t bring himself to be untruthful with Guy. “Yeah.”
“Man… Are you really so busy that you don’t have the time for intimacy?” Guy mutters with a frown, almost as if he pities Kakashi, which Kakashi can’t help but cringe at.
He’s always hated the feelings that come with being pitied by others.
“I don’t care about not having sex, Guy. I can take care of myself.”
“I know, but it’s not about the sex , it’s about the- the connection with another person! I already worry about how lonely you are.”
To make things even worse, Guy intertwines his fingers with Kakashi’s and holds his hand. Albeit quietly, they’re having this discussion in the middle of the bar. There are people staring.
“It’s not like anyone’s really lining up to try and be my fuck buddy,” Kakashi whispers with a roll of his eyes. “I just haven’t had the chance, and by now, most people our age have had sex- plenty of it. Why would I throw myself into that mess? And who out there would want to unpack all my baggage just to deal with me for one night?”
“I’m sure there’s someone out there who wouldn’t mind.”
Kakashi quirks an eyebrow upwards, even though Guy can’t see it since it’s hidden under his village-issued forehead protector.
“Like who?”
Guy pauses. At first, Kakashi assumes it’s because the older man genuinely can’t come up with a single person in the village who would want to fuck the lump of baggage that is Kakashi Hatake, but then he sees how Guy’s face changes; how Guy’s eyes are suddenly downcast and how Guy’s smile turns into tight-pursed lips and a heavy blush. He’s not stupid, so he quickly figures out that Guy is about to risk pushing this- this thing they have- much further than either of them ever have.
“Me?” Guy offers.
“I’m sorry? Would you mind saying that again for me?” Kakashi asks for Guy to repeat himself even though he knows damn well what Guy just said. Part of him suspects that this isn’t real. Maybe it’s another dream, or a hallucination, or some sort of genjutsu that Kurenai put him under as a joke while he was distractedly drinking his sad soda. “I’m not sure I heard you correctly.”
“That may have been a little direct, but,” Guy leans in close and reaches forward with the hand that’s not holding Kakashi to brush a stray lock of hair away from Kakashi’s forehead and eyes. “I’d be lying if I said I weren’t always a little curious about what you’d be like in bed… About what you’d look like without those pesky clothes on you. It’s not like we’ve ever been subtle about our feelings towards each other, Kakashi, we’ve just never had the time or the need to act on them.”
“Fair… But I’m probably not that great,” Kakashi lets go of Guy’s hands in favor of shoving both of his in the pockets of his uniform pants. “You do realize what you’re implying here when you say stuff like that, don’t you? It’s not cool for you to suggest that you’d be willing to have sex with me like I’m not right here in front of you… I never knew you’d be such a tease.”
“Who said I was teasing?”
“You’re- you’re serious?”
“I mean, only if you want me to be, of course!” Guy insists with a nervous laugh. “Don’t feel pressured-”
Kakashi quickly cuts him off, though he can’t meet his eyes.
“I want you. I don’t feel pressured at all.”
“Then… Shall we head back?”
“Sure.”
So, they head back to Kakashi’s apartment since it’s the closest to the bar.
Once they get inside, it’s so silent that you could hear a pin drop. Guy locks the door behind them and takes off his shoes. Kakashi removes his as well. Then, he leads Guy to his bedroom without saying anything else- partially because his mouth is so dry that he can’t speak, partially because he wouldn’t know what to say even if he could speak. Guy seems to be in a similar boat, but unlike Kakashi, he seems to have a semblance of an idea of what he’s supposed to do.
Guy starts to undress. Kakashi’s mouth somehow gets even dryer. At first, it’s just his vest and weights- fine, he’s seen Guy in just the jumpsuit, but then the jumpsuit comes off and Kakashi finds himself desperately wanting nothing more than to get Guy splayed out on the bed so he can explore the masterpiece that is the older man’s body.
“How do you want me?” Guy asks.
“On the bed, on your back.”
Guy does as told and lies down on Kakashi’s bed. Kakashi still doesn’t believe it’s real- since when is Guy so submissive? He ponders on it and realizes that Guy is probably only acting like this to make him comfortable, which is sweet. He takes what he can get in that regard and quickly joins Guy on his queen-sized bed, straddling Guy’s hips with his knees. It’s a little awkward, but it’s nice. Guy smiles up at him so reassuringly that all he can feel is warmth pooling up in his stomach.
It’s dizzying enough that he pulls his mask down just so he can breathe properly. Only, as soon as he does that, Guy sits up and beams .
“Your face is beautiful, rival,” Guy compliments Kakashi with ease and slips his hands up underneath Kakashi’s vest and undershirt so he can place his palms against Kakashi’s hips. He nearly jumps at the touch. When was the last time someone touched him like this? No, has anyone ever touched him like this? “May I kiss you?”
Kakashi is too overwhelmed to answer verbally, so he closes the gap between them and pushes their lips together. Guy tastes like strawberries and sugar and all the things that Kakashi has been wanting since the day they met. They kiss, just like Guy asked, gentle and tender. It’s something Kakashi thought he would never have in his lifetime. Yet, here he is, being kissed like he means something to someone- to Guy- and only being separated from so Guy can strip his vest, shirt, and mask from his body.
“Are you sure about this?” Kakashi finds himself whispering as Guy sits up and mouths at the scar on his shoulder, then at the one on his left pec. “I mean, you really want to do this with me? This isn’t a pity fuck, is it? Because if it is, we can just stop now and you can go home, and we can pretend this never happened. Really, I’d understand-”
“As much as I love hearing you talk most of the time, Kakashi, I really need you to shut the fuck up right now,” Guy breathily laughs. The crass language and blunt way of shutting down Kakashi’s self-deprecating rambling is out of character for him. Yet, Kakashi finds that he doesn’t mind it. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, and you’re usually so smart! Of course I’m sure about this! I’ve wanted you like this for a long time, it’s just that tonight was the perfect opportunity, you know?”
“Oh…” Kakashi sighs and swallows tightly when Guy’s teeth scrape over his throat. There’s hickeys on his neck, left in the wake of Guy’s lips. They feel too good for him to object- his mask will hide them, anyway. He’s sat in Guy’s lap with his cock hardening against Guy’s while the older man showers him in kisses. “O-Okay, if you’re really sure…”
“I am.”
Things get intense after that. Kakashi practically tears Guy’s boxers from his hips and gasps in surprise when Guy shoves the rest of his clothes down to his ankles. Neither of them can be fucked to pull apart, so they don’t, instead trying to have every inch of skin pressed flush against one another. Kakashi’s head spins in the meantime.
Is this what Guy was talking about earlier? The intimacy , the connection of two people that he apparently needs despite his career as a shinobi? It must be, because now that Kakashi is getting it, he isn’t sure if he’ll ever be able to live without it again.
The sheets are falling onto the floor, the pillows tumbling down along with them. Neither Kakashi nor Guy make a move to do anything about it. Instead, they tangle their limbs and roll over onto their sides, facing each other. Their lips are molding together, heated and intense, communicating all the things they’re too scared to say out loud.
Guy pulls back and kisses Kakashi’s cheek- ‘I love you’ , he says with his lips pressed against Kakashi’s skin. ‘I love you, too’ , Kakashi says in return with a kiss pressed into the top of Guy’s silky raven locks, but the words don’t leave either of their mouths. As per usual, it remains unspoken.
Kakashi threads his fingers through Guy’s hair and groans when Guy coats a single one of his hands in spit and wraps it around his dick. Admittedly, it’s pretty embarrassing- to be getting so loud at such little stimulation. Then again, Kakashi can’t even remember the last time he’s done something like this by himself, let alone with someone else. Guy doesn’t laugh or smirk or tease, just pumps Kakashi to full hardness while grinding his own length over one of Kakashi’s scarred thighs for friction.
“H-Hey,” Kakashi starts as he’s flipped onto his back. Guy, seeming like he’s on a mission of his own, mouths at Kakashi’s thighs and kisses every single one of the scars and marks that’s there. He moves down to Kakashi’s legs, then up to his sharp hip bones. Kakashi dips his head back into the bare mattress and allows his eyes to flutter shut. “You don’t- you don’t have to treat me so gently, you know? You can be rough with me if you want. I don’t… Deserve this, really. You’re being too nice-”
“Shush,” Guy says, and that’s it, but it’s enough to make Kakashi settle down again.
In the next few minutes, he isn’t sure what to expect. He assumes he’ll be worked open and fucked like he’s read about in Makeout Paradise or the other erotic literature he’s consumed over the years, but much to his surprise, he sits up on his elbows to see Guy rolling a condom over his dick. Kakashi blinks and looks again to make sure it’s real. Guy’s other hand seems to be occupied, fingers covered in lube and delved knuckle-deep into his tight, sun-kissed ass.
“What- what are you doing?”
“Oh, did you want to bottom?”
“No, no, it’s just- well-” Kakashi stammers. He doesn’t know exactly how to say what’s on his mind, or how to convey his surprise. “I just assumed… But no, this is good. It’ll make me more comfortable… If you don’t mind. I didn’t think you’d want to be taken like that- that’s the only reason I asked about it.”
“I’m more flexible than you’d think,” Guy argues with a smile and a wink before slipping his fingers out of himself and climbing into Kakashi’s lap. “You are sure about this, right? I know I’ve been wanting this for a long time, but you never seemed interested until-”
“Stop it,” Kakashi interjects. “Don’t talk like that. I’ve always wanted you.”
And maybe it’s not everything that should be said. For now, however, it seems to be enough, as Guy is grabbing Kakashi’s dick and lining it up with his entrance before sinking down in one fluid motion that makes Kakashi arch his back up off the bed. His hands fly up to grab Guy’s hips and squeeze in an attempt to ground himself.
The sensation is dizzying. Even with the thin layer of protection that the condom offers, Kakashi can feel the warm, wet, tightness of Guy’s walls clenching down around him. It’s almost as if his dick is being sucked in as Guy lifts his hips and rolls them back down to fill himself.
“W-Wow, Kakashi,” Guy smiles down at him, then leans in to kiss his neck once more as he continues to ride. His expression is totally blissed out, like he’s drunk on Kakashi’s cock. “I knew you were big, but it’s a lot different to actually feel it… God, you feel amazing, but what else could I expect from my rival?”
‘Rival’ , a name that Kakashi never would’ve expected Guy to call him during a time like this. Then again, it’s always been more of a term of endearment than anything, so maybe he shouldn’t be taken aback by it. Besides, he has more important things to worry about, such as Guy’s lips molding into his again.
Kakashi is overwhelmed. He’s overwhelmed by Guy bouncing on his length, overwhelmed by Guy kissing him so passionately, overwhelmed by Guy’s hands on his chest, overwhelmed by anything and everything that’s happening in this room right now. Most of all, though, he’s overwhelmed by the fact that he has no idea what the fuck he should be doing right now; overwhelmed by the fact that Guy is on top of him doing all the work.
“Don’t…” Kakashi barely manages to break away to speak. Somehow, Guy knows exactly how to touch him- knows exactly the pace he needs, and Kakashi knows he’s falling apart, but he feels like he’s not contributing and he hates it. “Don’t you want me to do something?”
“Just relax already,” Guy insists, then moans into his ear when he drops down onto Kakashi’s cock particularly hard. “Don’t you understand that I- I just want to take care of you? That’s all I’ve wanted to do, but it’s your first time, too… Let me do the work.”
The words melt Kakashi like ice, so he listens and allows Guy to do all of the work just as he instructed.
“Okay.”
Guy continues to roll his hips and kiss Kakashi like it’s the last time they’ll ever do this. Maybe it will be- Kakashi doesn’t know. Would Guy want this again? Or was this a dream? He can hardly waste the time dwelling on it while being engulfed by the warmth of Guy’s ass, while being surrounded by the presence of this man he’s been so in love with for so long. It’s too much, too soon, after far too long of waiting.
Kakashi arches his back off of the bed again and muffles the moans that threaten to spill out against the back of one of his hands. Only, the second he does that, Guy tears his hand away and glares down at him between bounces. Kakashi looks up to see that the hand of Guy’s that isn’t grabbing his is wrapped around Guy’s dick. The older man pumps himself in his fist and says-
“Stop trying to hide from me, please… Let it out, Kakashi…!”
And Kakashi does. He screws his eyes shut and allows every little moan and catched breath fall from between his lips as his cheeks bloom rosy red from the pressure of it all. Even with his own eyes closed, he can feel Guy staring down at him, admiring him, and that of all things is what finally sends him over the edge.
Kakashi offers a sputtered out warning and nothing more before his hips jerk up to signal his orgasm, which crashes into him like roaring thunder. It’s loud and electric and overwhelming, and much to his relief, Guy finishes along with him just a few moments later. Kakashi can’t muster the energy to say or do anything when Guy stills on top of him and spills his seed onto Kakashi’s abdomen.
Of course, Guy being Guy, he doesn’t take long to recover. He quickly sits up in Kakashi’s lap and stretches his arms.
“That was wonderful,” Guy grins and lifts himself from Kakashi’s body so he can fall onto the other side of the bed, almost as if this is something they’ve done a million times. Kakashi wonders if he’s staying- no, Kakashi hopes he’s staying. At the same time, he’s terrified of what will happen if he makes all his wants known. They’ve crossed a lot of lines for one night already. Maybe it’s best if he just doesn’t ask. “You don’t mind if I stay the night, do you?”
Thankfully, Guy was wondering the same thing and asks so Kakashi doesn’t have to.
“Not at all. I think it’d be rude to kick you out considering what we just did,” Kakashi cooly responds and takes the condom off.
The condom itself feels gross. It’s wet and has a weird texture. To avoid having to touch it for any longer than necessary, Kakashi haphazardly throws the cum-filled latex into the trash bin by his bed.
Guy silently gets up from the bed and walks towards the connected bathroom. His body is long and muscular, years of hard work evident in how prominent his muscles are as they shift underneath his sweat-covered skin.
Moments later, Guy pops his head out from the bathroom doorway, onyx eyes looking Kakashi up and down.
“You’re covered in sweat! You don’t seriously plan on sleeping in your bed like that, do you?”
“What, am I not supposed to?” Kakashi snarks, but he knows what Guy is getting at, so he stands up and heads towards the bathroom as well. “I think you’re just playing this up because you want an excuse to drag me into the shower with you.”
He meets Guy in the doorway. The older man quickly rests his hands on Kakashi’s hips, almost as if they belong there. Kakashi doesn’t hate that thought too much.
“Is that so wrong, my dear rival? Maybe I… Want to see which one of us can be ready for round two first!”
“Oh, so you’re insatiable,” Kakashi muses with a smile. “But if we’re having a round two, is there really any point in cleaning up? We’re just going to dirty ourselves again.”
“Not if we do it in the shower,” Guy smirks back and leans forward to brush his nose against Kakashi’s. The affectionate gesture sends a shot of electricity through him. “What do you think?”
“Well, I’m always up for a challenge,” Kakashi retorts and grabs Guy by the wrist to drag him into the bathroom. “Let’s see which one of us will win this time.”