Work Text:
Essek knew this would happen at some point on their trip to Aeor. Cold did always make his pain worse. It had been manageable so far this trip but waking up in the dome he could already feel the distinct ache in his ankles and knees that he knew once he was standing would radiate to his back. A frown painted the drow’s face as he took stock of the rest of his body, dry mouth, and he already felt swelling in his fingers.
Essek felt Caleb start to stir next to him, the soft feel of scruff brushing against the back of his neck. It normally was something that was pleasant if a bit scratchy. Right now with the pain it felt like electrified metal bits scraping against him. Caleb had to have noticed something because the human pulled from the morning cuddles that had been the norm of this trip in favor of carefully looking over his spells for the day. Caleb offered a warm glance so at the very least it didn't seem like the human was upset.
Essek went through his own spellbook, one hand working on stretches as he did so. He flexed the fingers before releasing and then slowly bringing his fingers down to his thumb several times before switching hands. He felt his cheeks start to warm into a darker plum when he caught Caleb watching him with interest. The human didn't speak at first, setting down the spellbook before shifting to be next to the drow.
"May I?" It took a moment for Essek to realize what Caleb was asking. The drow didn't know if it was the impending brain fog or surprise that had his brain pausing. Essek slowly offered his hand to Caleb. The human was always warm but it seemed like he had warmed his hands somehow before he started gently working on the muscles in the drow's palm.
"1 to 10 Mein Stern. How much pain?" Essek felt the need to drop his gaze. His mother's words of keeping his pain to himself flared. It was a weakness that could be exploited in the court. On a reflex he almost said it was nothing, mouth opening then closing without a word.
Caleb simply continued, waiting for Essek to gather his words without pushing for an answer faster.
"8." Essek said, the single word heavy on his tongue waiting for a reaction, that he couldn't possibly be in that much pain and function, that he must be exaggerating how bad it was, that it was only the fatigue of being more active. Instead, he was met by a gentle hum as wheels turned in the human's mind.
"How much pain are you in normally?" The question had the breath leaving the drow's lungs, violet eyes suddenly looking up at Caleb. Essek had never had someone outright take him at his word in this regard, let alone understand that no pain just wasn't a thing for him a majority of the time. Essek couldn't speak at first and simply let Caleb switch hands to work on the other palm.
Essek felt overwhelmed with being seen. It felt like being pulled together and being shattered all at once.
"3 maybe 4." His voice felt thin and small and he hated himself for it. The human tipped his head a bit.
"Do you think you are capable of trekking today or would you rather work on some of the books we have already gathered?" Caleb wasn't trying to make a choice for him, to claim he knew what the drow needed. Essek watched Caleb. The human was looking at the drow's hand, focusing on his task. Essek swallowed a bit, feeling stinging in his eyes. He wouldn't let himself cry, it was a silly thing to cry over.
"I honestly think if I tried to trek today I would be even worse tomorrow." Essek admitted and Caleb nodded.
"Alright then. Let me get the tower set up. Anything in particular that helps I should add?" Caleb asked, slowly letting go of Essek's hand. "Nothing that you don't already add normally." Essek spoke with a soft sigh as Caleb moved to take the risk of casting the tower. This far into Aeor, the higher magic seemed unstable, they were lucky that the only thing was the now familiar smell of apple tarts.
A soft smile came to Essek’s lips knowing full well that Caleb would likely ask for one once they were relaxing inside. Essek was glad to see the shimmer of the doorway as Caleb moved back over to him, offering his arms, not hands, to have Essek pull himself all the way up. It was clear that the human wasn’t unused to helping someone like this. Essek let his hand brace on Caleb’s arm to get to standing only wincing slightly as his hips shifted from the change of position.
“If the cold makes it worse, does heat help you feel better? Perhaps a soak in the hot tub may help some.” Caleb offered and Essek had to admit it wasn’t a bad idea. “I suppose I can try that.” The drow made his way inside the door, glad to feel the comfortable warmth of the tower once inside. The dome was temperature controlled but it wasn’t entirely comfortable.
“I’ll get the hot tub ready while you get settled.” Caleb offered, pressing a soft kiss to the drow’s temple. It was still a foreign feeling to be taken care of like this, that he didn’t have to push to be taken seriously when it came to his pain. There wasn’t any physical evidence of his pain and so many had taken that as it not being a proven part of his existence. Caleb not only took him at his word but was actively trying to help and take care of him without coddling him.
“Alright… will you be joining me in that soak?” He asked with a raised brow. A pleased laugh left Caleb’s lips at the question. “Only if you are comfortable with it Liebling.”
“I think I would like you to savor the efforts you put in.” Essek hummed a bit as they both headed up the center column. Caleb smiled warmly before he nodded. “Alright, then I shall get it ready and join you. Hungry or are you nauseous?"
These questions weren't from someone new to these sorts of things and Essek found himself wondering who in Caleb’s life before had been so similar.
"I could eat something simple, not too rich." He offered and Caleb nodded.
"I will let the cats know." He spoke before they split apart.
Essek went to his room and simply set his pack down in the corner. He headed to the armoire that Caleb had slowly been adding clothes he thought Essek would like, and so far Essek had loved pretty much everything. The drow pulled out a soft grey robe that had small stars embroidered on the cuffs. He slowly started undressing, his fingers feeling clumsy with how swollen they had become. Eventually, Essek settled with pulling off the rest of his clothing over his extremities. He hated that the clothing would wrinkle but right now it was either that or ask Caleb for help with something so basic.
Essek slipped the robe on and a pair of slippers before moving through the tower to meet Caleb. The human's hair was up in a mess of a bun, sleeves pushed up to his elbows as his hands swirled something into the heated water. Caleb looked up before giving the drow a soft smile. "I added some salts to the water." Caleb supplied before motioning to a tray near the tub. "I had the cats bring some ginger honey tea and some soup I think you would like." Caleb shifted to pull his shirt up and off of him, exposing his freckled skin and slight hair. Essek did his best not to stare before he went over to the tray.
The soup smelled of salt and fish. The drow recognized the brown murky color with the bright pops of white and green. The soup was something common in Roshana. It was hearty but easy on the stomach made with root vegetables and mushrooms. It was clear Caleb had tried more foods to add them to the tower and that stinging bit of warmth hit his chest again.
Maybe it was the pain or the lingering exhaustion, but this time Essek couldn’t stop the tears from collecting in the corner of his eyes.
“Mein Stern? Is this okay or would you like something else?” Caleb’s voice was gentle and far closer than Essek thought he had been. The pressure of the warm familiar hand started the drow and had the moisture from his eyes spilling over.
Once the first tears fell it seemed like they wouldn't stop no matter how much Essek tried to wipe them away.
“What’s wrong Schatz?” Claeb’s voice was soft. It was clear to Essek that Caleb wanted to hug him but wasn’t sure if it would make the drow uncomfortable.
It would hurt to be honest, more so his pride than anything else. Caleb was one of the few people privileged to see behind the mask. They were going to be in Aeor for a while and it would do no good to pretend that these acts of love, for that surely was what this was, didn't affect him so significantly.
"No one has ever taken me at my word when it comes to my pain." Essek's fingers tensed up into a fist before he flexed them, already regretting the strain. "I have always been brushed off as overreacting, or just having a low tolerance to pain. You not only take my word but you actively want to help, are good at helping in a way that isn't overbearing." He felt his voice crack as his eyes blurred from the unspent tears, trying his hardest not to cry as he spoke.
"Essek, you know your body better than anyone, you have had to live in it. Nobody gets to take that from you." Caleb's voice was warm and soft as he draped his arms around the drow. Essek took in the scent of old book pages, cinnamon, and sandalwood. The comfort sanded some of his harsh edges as he leaned further into Caleb.
"I know something about pain, of what the body and mind can decide to do. My scars sometimes flare into pain, particularly if my mood has gone poorly or if I haven't been taking care of myself. While I know it is not the same pain, it does inform me how to treat others. I am sorry that those close in your life couldn't or chose not to listen and understand but don't ever feel like you can't tell me how you are feeling Schatz." Caleb pressed a kiss to his forehead, not pulling away just yet.
"You'll have to teach me the best ways to be of help to you, but it will be worth it to offer you what support I am able." Caleb's tone continued to be soft and low, as he let a hand rub up and down Essek’s back. Essek had guessed that Caleb had taken care of someone with similar pain, he hadn’t expected to hear that the person Caleb had taken care of was himself.
“I know some things, but without help I am still in the dark on some things that could help since the resources were never given to me.” Essek admitted gently. The drow let more of his weight rest on the human who just hummed a bit at first.
“Then I will share my resources with you, and we will find other ones together.” Caleb spoke before slowly pulling from the hug. “Eat mien Stern, then we can soak together and sit by the fire read after.” Caleb spoke gently and Essek found he didn’t have a reason not to follow through with it all. If after the soak none of the promised work was done in favor of Essek resting with his eyes closed against Caleb the human wasn’t going to complain or bring it up.