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Joel could feel every second ticking away.
His timer was running down, and quickly too, and all he could think about was how every moment of it should’ve gone to Jimmy.
He was watching him now, hanging around where he fell, staring at his broken body and too immobilized by grief and rage and guilt to even so much as bury him. Which only further served to fuel his self-hatred. Here he was, wasting each minute that should’ve gone to Jimmy, to keep him from falling first. Again.
“You wanna fuck him, don’t you?”
Jesus christ.
Grian seemingly materialized behind Joel, words whispered against his ear and hands snaking around his waist to nudge at the front seam of his trousers. Joel should’ve jumped at his sudden and silent arrival; it did startle him— Grian’s sick words as much as his presence—but he didn’t budge. He was just too crushed to even care.
“Fuck off.” Was all he could muster as he brushed Grian’s hand aside and tried to ignore what he had accused.
“It would just be a waste of your time—I mean.” Grian cocked his head over Joel’s shoulder and gestured nonchalantly towards Jimmy. “This all is. He’s not going anywhere. But that especially, he’s not gonna even react.”
“Seriously, Grian. Get lost.” Joel could feel himself starting to choke up, and he knew he wasn’t doing a very good job of keeping it out of his voice, either.
“Right, I see. You need your privacy—”
In a snap Joel whipped around and grabbed Grian, throwing him down by the collar of his leather jacket; he had ditched the mourning blazer already. Grian had instinctively fanned out his wings in the fall, now leaving them sprawled out behind him in the grass. He had put his hands out in front of him too, he was definitely on the defensive and yet everything read as so helpless to Joel. He was angry. He didn’t want to hurt his fellow Bad Boy, not now especially, but Grian’s words were making it very difficult. He was probably shushing and trying to quiet and calm Joel throughout this, but Joel wasn’t hearing it. Not that he was purposefully blocking Grian out, though with all he was saying, Joel wished he was. Truthfully, he just couldn’t hear anything above the rush of blood in his ears. Which, erm, didn’t seem to be the only place his blood was rushing.
Grian might’ve been more correct than Joel would’ve liked to admit.
“Don’t you dare—” Joel froze and stuttered through a growl as Grian drew up his thigh to meet his straining pants. “Say anything.”
“Don’t want me to disturb your perfect thoughts of Tim?” Grian threw his head back and ground his thigh agonizingly against Joel. He smirked. “Sorry, Tim’s body.”
Joel just shook Grian, slamming him against the ground. It didn’t shut Grian up, though, instead he just groaned on the exhale pushed out of him and smiled harder.
“Hit a nerve?” He laughed when Joel twitched against him. “Or several?”
“Don’t—” Joel was finding it very hard to talk. Everything came out halfway between a growl and a groan. There was a lot of things he wanted to tell Grian not to do, but he eventually settled on; “Act like you’re not upset too.”
“I’m not. He had it coming.” Grian smirked. “Prophecy and all, couldn’t help it.”
“We could’ve—” Grian jerked his thigh forward, dragging roughly against Joel’s clothed cock and cutting off any words he had in his mouth in place of a moan, again. Clearly he was enjoying this too much. Joel eventually collected himself enough to finish the thought. “We could’ve changed that.”
“Yeah, fuck-all you’ve done about it.” Grian grinned like this was all very amusing to him and not a terrible tragedy. Joel wanted nothing more than to slap it off his face. “I see what you were trying to do here, anyway. He needed to die so you could get hard over it.
“I’m not—” Joel bit back his words as Grian squawked with laughter. He was undeniably very, very hard. “You blimming provoked me.“
“You were already itching for it.”
Joel’s teeth met Grian’s throat and Grian whined so, so gorgeously. He angled his head to allow Joel to bite more and more down the length of his neck.
“Fuck me instead,” Grian’s spoke barely above a whisper. “I’ll be worlds better than poor Tim.”
Joel relented. “Only to shut you up.”
Grian snaked his hands between them.
It was difficult to get Joel out of his pants— sweat and tight leather made a deadly combo against easy disrobing. Joel had to take over and Grian was already fingering himself open by the time Joel had freed his cock enough to rub against Grian’s ass.
“You’ve done a really bad job with him.” Grian muttered as he took Joel in hand to guide his cock into him, clearly unsatisfied with Joel’s delay.
Not the time, Grian. Joel wanted to warn, but Grian had slung his legs around Joel’s waist and every modicum of focus was buried in the tight feeling of Grian pulling Joel’s hips to fuck into him deeper and deeper.
“Can’t save him, can’t fuck him. You failed at everything you wanted with him, huh?” Grian panted heavily around his words. “Not brave enough, Joel? You scared to die for him? Left it too long?”
Despite the wall of sensation that was overwhelming Joel, he could feel the knock of Grian’s knuckles against his stomach as Grian pumped his own cock as he talked.
Fucking bastard, he was getting off on Joel’s guilt. “Not scared.”
“Right, just too stupid to time it right.” Grian continued to mock. “Now you just have to watch him rot—”
Joel slapped him, hard. It was a miracle it wasn’t a punch, actually, because by now Joel did want hurt Grian, badly.
Grian burst out laughing.
It was loud, and mocking, and descended into hysterical squawks far too quickly.
“Fuck off, I’m punching you next.”
“You wouldn’t dare.” And it was a typical Grian challenge, so Joel did.
Grian moaned and clenched so hard against Joel’s cock that he started seeing stars. When Joel put himself together again to look, blood was dripping from Grian’s nose and over his bared and grinning teeth. “Bastard.”
“You reckon?” Grian moaned again and arched his back. “I think that’s you. Why don’t you keep hitting me, fuck up and lose another one of your boys.”
“You that much of a pain-slut that you wanna get killed?”
“Wouldn’t that be so good for you? Ruin something else you love? At least you can do this one on purpose. You’ll actually get some more time from it, maybe you’ll even stick around longer. I can do what you couldn’t and give you that sacrifice, huh, Joel? Isn’t that so sweet of me.”
This punch went to a wing and knocked all the air out of Grian in a doubled-over gasp. He dug his ankles so hard into Joel’s hips that it burned. Grian was getting desperate, but so was Joel. It was cruel, what they were doing here, but it was bloody working. Grian was a sick freak, though Joel hadn’t any room to talk.
“You have your thing for death anyway, if you’re really too much of a coward to actually fuck Tim’s corpse maybe you can just fuck me to death.”
Joel was sick. Apparently that was all he needed to choke into blackness.
His lucidity returned with his hands wrapped around Grian’s neck— and it didn’t take long for Grian’s come to paint his own hand and both of their stomachs.
He let Grian choke through his aftershocks before he released his throat. Grian mercifully dropped his own hold on Joel, allowing his legs to loosen from around Joel’s waist so he could pull out of Grian.
Joel watched his come drip from Grian as he tried, desperately, to stop his eyes from locking onto his best friend’s body only a few metres away. “We’re sick.”
“You and your guilt.” Grian scoffed and pushed himself up onto his elbows. “Get over it. He’s too dead to care.”
“Grian, I know you feel shit over him too. ’s why you did this.”
“You wanted to get your mind off of him, I just wanted to get off. No point reading into it.”
But Joel knew Grian, and there wasn’t any actual humour in his tone. He let Grian choke it back, though and just slumped his head into the crook of Grian’s neck to breathe against his skin; “Help me?”
He made the move to get up without finishing with a to bury him? But Grian knew him, too.
He grunted disgustedly but rose with Joel anyway and slid his sunglasses back onto his face as he did. This time he let them cover his eyes. “Fine, but you’re making some kills after; I’m not losing you too.”
Joel knew they were hiding the pinpricks of tears.