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The sun hadn’t been out for a couple hours. The atmosphere became a gray and dreary one and it portrayed that effect onto all the civilians who awoke that day. Droplets of cool icy water fell down the glass. She kept the windows open, even in this weather, the breeze from the cool front nipped at her skin but she continued to complete her tasks nonetheless.
The girl quickly swept through the barren, wooden floors and deposited any leftover trash from the previous night's breakdown into the trash. Days like this left the girl feeling lonely. Though, she would always swear it was an emotion she couldn’t register.
Her stomach tightened and her chest became heavy as she glanced over her phone, which laid on the coffee table. Her phone had been silent since the night before and it left a pit of emptiness to reside within the girl. Normally, the device would be flooded with messages and notifications. Today, however, was one of the many days she felt displaced.
It was normal for the girl to put her all into what she did. Even more so when it came to a boy. Her heart expanded everytime he texted but it just as easily depleted when he left her dry. He had such a way with sweet nothings and meaningless texts she’d re-read millions of times.
Often in the night she’d stay up and listen to the way he’d complain about the distance or how he could never see her face to face. She would fall harder and harder until it felt like it would never end. She didn’t even understand how it was possible to love this boy more than she already did.
Every morning she would expect her phone to ring and light up. She’d wait for his response and anxiously hope he’d talk to her that day. It was routine. When he slept and when he woke, he’d text her.
But she wasn’t the only one he was texting. She was aware of this fact and oftentimes her deep blue eyes would shimmer with unshed tears as she reveled in the fact, she wasn’t special. One day they would be fine and then the next they wouldn’t speak.
It felt as if she was gambling and her chips were pieces of her heart. She’d give every ounce of herself to hear him say he felt the same. Most times she felt as if the weather dictated her emotions. Like she was one with the sun and sky and sea.
The girl snapped from her trance and was quick to grab her phone. Of course, after everything, she was the one to break. She would always be the one to come back, even if he didn’t care anymore. Ultimately, she put more of herself out there than he ever would.
The last string of messages between the girl and her unrequited love explained his feelings in such brief short sentences.
“Look at this gorgeous sunset i just saw”
*3 attachments*
“Almost as pretty as someone else i know”
“who?”
“wait seriously, who do you mean?”
“Please answer me”
“I wonder”
“Im confused”
“Who do you mean?”
“Whose’s prettier than this gorgeous sunset i just saw?”
“ANSWER ME”
“YOU”
“...”
“Like actually”
“You aren’t playing with me, fr?”
“YES”
“But like”
“How do you mean it?”
“What do you mean by ‘i’m pretty’?”
“Youve never been called pretty b4?”
“Sure but only by family and close friends”
“How do you mean it?”
“I think youre pretty? Is there another meaning?”
“No yeah thats it”
“Sorry for getting worked up”
“ok?”
“Ok”
Today 10:37 am
“Look i’m sorry okay?”
“I promise i’m better now”
“It was just late and-”
“Im sorry okay”
“Just”
“Keep me posted alr?”
A heavy sigh left the girl as she placed her phone back down to be abandoned for the rest of the day. She opened the windows wider and basked in the now shining sun. Clouds still covered most of its beauty, but it persevered through the dark time and found a way to shine.
The day was supposed to be uneventful. She planned on picking up a couple things from the store and then heading home to wallow in her thoughts until her phone dinged. The girl walked across the apartment and into a small room. She stood herself in front of the mirror and scanned herself up and down.
Thoughts of worry and distaste bubbled on her lips as she continued to abase her self worth. She rummaged through her closet for any decent outfit that would cover the parts of her she hated.
Once she was satisfied with her appearance, she knotted her short and shaggy blond hair into a lopsided ponytail, leaving a couple strands to cover her ears. She fixed her bangs and continued to the bathroom to finish the look with subtle makeup.
She grabbed all the essentials she may need and headed towards the front door. Not even 3 steps outside she rushed back inside and picked up the abandoned phone. She shot two quick messages and then left it on the cushion of a nearby seat.
Today 11:06
“I’m sorry for yesterday”
“You know i dont mean it”
✰✰✰
Her body felt like it was on fire. Any place that just barely grazed his skin sparked and became hot. She kept her head tightly pressed into his chest and she focused on his heartbeat. She ran her hands through soft brown hair and gazed into the soft brown eyes she dreamt of so often.
They talked about miniscule things and occasionally she would say something that would make him laugh. When this would happen, he would smile and he cheeks would don what she thought were the world's most adorable dimples.
She whispered quietly into his ear and wished that he would keep her warm in his embrace. She reached up to cup his cheeks and her jacket followed her. Her body electrified once more as their skin met and she knew; This is where she wanted to stay for as long as he’d let her.
Suddenly a bright ray of sun blinded her eyes as she squinted to regain focus. She was left distraught as she stared deeply into a pillow. Her arms wrapped tight around it. The fluff tickled her nose and she huffed a long sigh realizing that she had dreamt once again of him and all his glory.
She turned to face the ceiling and pondered her emotions. Obviously, while he was close to her she felt the happiest. She felt these feelings so strongly that, in her dreams it was easy to pretend he was the one keeping her warm and not her own body heat.
It confused her, because for the longest time she brushed these feelings off as friendly. To blind herself she started to treat everyone the same. She’d text and call and hangout with both of their friends and she would make a way into his life slowly but surely. His friends were now hers and anytime he was around so was she.
But she continued to brush it off as if love didn’t exist. Now, she was certain that it was friendship, but something more rough and raw. Her heart didn’t lie, and even if sometimes her brain made stupid mistakes she followed her heart like it was the last light on earth.
Her stupidity made her feel at a loss. She let herself become so encapsulated within these feelings she failed to recognize what they were. But now she knows. She had tried, and failed, to keep herself busy. Tasks that seemed like they would take all day, took two hours when she focused.
She tried all she could to prevent her from crawling back so soon, but it was all futile. Within the span of a few days, he had responded and questioned her antics. She left the messages open and refused to reply until she got her head on straight.
Today was the day. She couldn’t run from it any longer. Whether he accepted or not, she wouldn’t chicken out. He deserved to know and she deserved to be free from the endless burden that was her own brain.
Today 4:39 pm
“I promise i’m not ignoring you it just”
“Thank god”
“what”
“I know this is random asf but i think you're really cute and I like you.”
“I think i like you too”