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Kaja woke with a start, her heart hammering, her body burning, and she was wet and aching madly. Sweet Andraste, these dreams were going to kill her. It was bad enough when she started dreaming about Cullen, but now his bloody desk had somehow made its way in there too. The association was now firmly etched into her subconscious.
Walking into his office became like preparing for battle. Cullen would be going about fortifications, or guard rotations, or Maker knows what. Kaja would be desperately trying not to imagine him hauling her up onto his desk and fucking her royally. She came to the conclusion she had to try avoid his office wherever possible. And yesterday, when he found her on the battlements, it really didn’t help.
Kaja would wander along the battlements looking out at the mountains. With all the stress she was under, their unchanging nature somehow grounded her. She had been standing, staring at them, when she heard “Ah Inquisitor, there you are. I was looking for you. If you have a moment, I’d like to discuss the progress of our new recruits. Shall we go to my office?” Her heart sank. “Of course, Commander.” she replied as brightly as she could muster. There was no getting out of it, and she was desperate to get away as soon as she could. Now she was paying the price.
They had a War Council meeting in a couple of hours, and it wouldn’t help if she saw him in her current state. Well, there’s only one thing for it. Kaja knew what pressure and speed would make her come quickly, and what would give a slower burn. Throwing off her bedclothes, she closed her eyes, reached down, parted her lips and started to rub her clitoris. As she slept naked there were no clothes to worry about. It didn’t turn out to be as quick as she hoped. Kaja often fantasised about Cullen, trying to set it in any other location but his office, but today her dream stubbornly hung on.
Heck, let’s go with it then, and soon she felt she’d broken through the barrier. The sensations inside were rising as she moved her fingers faster, her spine tingling, and the sounds around her melted away. She was close to peaking now. She pressed her fingers a little harder and faster; then felt the heat flow inside her and her core muscles rhythmically rippling as the orgasm overtook her. “Cullen” fell from her lips as an involuntary gasp and a shudder went though her.
Kaja let out a moan of pleasure and opened her eyes, to see Cullen’s figure standing at the top of the stairs. Damn it, her fantasies were bleeding into reality again. She knew if she closed her eyes and opened them, he’d be gone. Kaja opened her eyes, and he was still there. She tried again, and he was still there. He looked a like a statue, frozen, fixed into place, just staring at her.
NO, no, no, no, no, has he..., oh Maker, no. This is not happening, please be dreaming. But the awful realisation, that she had been caught by the very man she was fantasising about, kicked in. To say she was mortified or embarrassed was nowhere near what she was feeling. Somewhere in her addled mind came the sense to pull up her bedclothes. This action snapped Cullen out of his reverie. They both looked away. How long had he been there?
Kaja’s mind was now in overdrive, what could she say? Apologise, just apologise! She turned back to him “Cullen, I’m so sorry...” came out, just as “Inquisitor, I’m so sorry...” came from Cullen. A manic laugh slipped from Kaja’s mouth, the absurdity and irony of it wasn’t lost on her. “Can I sit down please?” he asked. His voice was faltering and he looked like he was in shock. “Sure” she replied, her voice almost a squeak. As he sat down on the couch, a piece of parchment flew off onto the floor, landing in front of him. His eyes fixed onto it, as if looking for a distraction.
Then the second blow hit Kaja. She gasped. Right then she wished Alexius had removed her from time, so none of this would be happening. What Cullen was now staring at was a stick figure drawing of Cullen, her and his desk, neatly labelled with a graphic description. She looked away. She didn’t want to see his face when he saw what it was. Kaja had thought if she drew it, taking it out of her mind; it might break this fixation on his desk. Well shit, I am well and truly screwed, nothing could be worse now.
Her panic began to subside as a strange calmness came over her. Kaja sat up, looked ahead and thought for few minutes, just trying to find the right words before speaking.
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Cullen was worried. Every time the Inquisitor came to his office she looked so uncomfortable. He barely managed to get through his reports when she was out of the door, sometimes almost running. He knew she was guarded when she spoke to him, but outside of his office she was always friendly and funny. True, she looked so much more relaxed if she was with Dorian or Bull. It was just in his office she resembled a trapped animal. And yesterday, well, her fear was palpable. He didn’t like the idea he made her feel like that, when she made him feel good just being around her.
Cullen had always tried to be careful to keep his feelings for her hidden. Had he given something away inadvertently? What did she think he was going to do if they were alone together? It began to prey on his mind. Cullen wasn’t used to expressing himself well, but knew this needed to be dealt with. Otherwise they wouldn’t be able to work together. He would have to reassure the Inquisitor that whatever he felt, he would always behave appropriately.
Right, no time like the present. He would go and see her before the War Council meeting. This had to be put behind them as soon as possible. He marched over to her quarters, contemplating what he was actually going to say to her. At the door to her quarters he paused, feeling nervous. Maker’s breath, get a grip! He opened the door and went up the stairs.
As Cullen turned into her room, he couldn’t see her at first. He then became aware of noises coming from the bed, and turned to look. She was on her bed, naked, legs open with her hand moving between them. Was she...? Maker’s breath! He knew he should go, he really shouldn’t be seeing this. But Cullen couldn’t move, he was transfixed at the sight of her; her long black hair spread across the pillows, her toned body, her fingers moving, the pants and mewls that came out of her mouth. His felt his erection rising, forcing itself against his groin guard. Now he didn’t dare move, he was so afraid he would lose control.
Cullen had thought about her at night in his own bed, imagining what it would be like to kiss her, to fuck her, and ended up doing exactly what she was doing right now. He didn’t know how long he was standing there, but his cock now was pushing, straining to the point of pain. Then her fingers were moving faster, her breath quicker; she arched up off the bed and came back down.”Cullen” he heard and she moaned. Sweet Maker, did she know he was here? No, her eyes were still closed. So why did she...? His thoughts were broken by her eyes opening. She had beautiful blue-green eyes, he thought. She looked right at him. He stood as if petrified waiting for... he didn’t know what. She then closed and opened them again, and then once more.
Cullen saw the realisation in her eyes, and she pulled up the bedclothes. Maker, what on earth could he say to excuse this. He looked away. Andraste preserve me, what have you done. She was probably now terrified of him, and would surely think he was a complete pervert. He had to apologise at least before she threw him out.
“Inquisitor, I am so sorry...” he blurted out. As he was speaking he heard...
“Cullen I am so sorry...” then a strangled laugh. She was sorry? Why did she need to be sorry? It was his fault.
The shame at what he’d done; the stress of keeping control; the shock of discovery; it was all too much, he had to sit down before his legs gave way.
“Can I sit down please?” he asked, his voice breaking.
Her reply was barely audible “Sure.”
As he sat, a piece of parchment tumbled from the sofa to his feet. He stared at it, trying to work what on earth he could say to try and repair the damage. But as he looked at it, he suddenly realised what was drawn there. There were two stick figures and a desk. Below the figures was a description; ‘Cullen fucking Kaja on his desk’. Wait...what? He then recalled her calling his name when she came.
Had he...had he...got this all the wrong way round? He rubbed his neck. Was she...thinking about him when she was...Maker’s breath!
He started to feel strangely calm, and knew he really needed to talk to her now.
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Kaja took a deep breath and turned to face Cullen. He looked calmer. Thank the Maker she hadn’t completely wrecked the poor man.
“Cullen...” he looked up at her, “There’s no point pussyfooting around this. I’m just going to say it and then I hope we can try to repair things.” He went to speak, but she stopped him. “I need to say this, please let me.” Cullen nodded.
Kaja looked away. “I was...attracted to you from the day we met at the Temple of Scared Ashes. Over the months, it’s become more, and I think about you almost all the time. And I...fantasise and dream about you, and sometimes, well...you saw the sometimes.” She didn’t see the slight smile starting to play on his lips.
“And one of things I dream about is on that piece of parchment, which makes being in your office incredibly difficult. I cannot apologise enough for shocking you as I did, but could we try and get past this. We have to work together and I promise I will always try and behave appropriately.” Kaja turned back to look at Cullen, he was smiling.
Cullen could see the confusion in Kaja’s face; she didn’t understand why he was smiling. “May I speak now?” Kaja nodded. “Well, the reason I came to see you, was that I was concerned that I had done something wrong. Every time you came to my office you looked increasing uncomfortable, and yesterday all I could see was fear. I was concerned you might be thinking I’d try to seduce you.” Kaja let out a strangled laugh and he paused.
“When we met at the Temple I thought you were most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. As I got to know you, it’s been harder to hide my feelings as they’ve got stronger. And if we are being honest, you’re not the only one with the...sometimes.” He saw Kaja put her hand to her mouth to stifle a giggle.
Kaja put her hand out to Cullen, and shuffled over as he moved to sit on the bed. He took her hand. “It’s just as well Leliana is the spymaster, we have no hope.” she said. Cullen smiled, and she just thought how beautiful he was with that little scar on his lip which she found so enticing. She smiled back.
Watching her smile, Cullen just wanted to kiss her. He leant toward her and she moved to meet him. It was gentle, almost hesitant at first. But then months of suppressed feelings took over and they were kissing deeply, tongues gliding and searching. Maker, he’d never felt this good.
They broke away together.
Kaja looked at him, kissing him in real life was so much better than the fantasy. All these months, she’d just assumed he wasn’t interested, and now she knew it was because he’d been holding back. A thought came to her and she had to ask. She touched her fingers to the scar on his lip. “Cullen, about your desk...”
Cullen smiled broadly; he knew what she was asking. “Yes, Cullen will fuck Kaja on his desk, whenever Kaja wants Cullen to fuck her on his desk”. He watched as she pretended to swoon and started laughing. Kaja joined in.
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Cullen and Kaja were so wrapped up in each other, that neither of them noticed the figure in the hat on the balcony. “Good” said Cole and vanished.