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For the past few months, Lana had been putting off inviting Lois over for a girls’ night, with no children or partners to bother them. Whenever they met or spoke on the phone they did nothing but promise each other to make more concrete plans as soon as they were free, then something caught their attention, whether it was a current errand or their respective works, completely distracting them from their previous intentions. There was no malice, let alone disinterest, just two busy lives and increasingly looming priorities.
That evening, however, Lois was sitting on the Cushing’s sofa, discreetly but repetitively checking the screen of her smartphone, and Lana never wished more than at that moment for the opportunity to postpone their dinner to a later date. She hated knowing that it had taken one of their children to be hospitalized to bring them to that point. She took a deep breath, in preparation for what would be a pretty emotional conversation, before starting to speak.
“Would you like to tell me what happened? Clark was pretty vague.” The question was simple, deliberately generic, to give her the opportunity to answer in the way that made her feel more at ease. Moreover, Lana had received very little information when she had met her childhood friend, pale and tired, in the Smallville bakery the night before. She watched Lois part her lips, perhaps ready to answer, then close her mouth and wait a few more seconds.
“I… I don’t really want to bring up bad memories for you too.” It wasn’t hard to figure out what she meant. The first thing Lana had thought of, as soon as she heard the news, had been Sarah herself, the fear and concern she had felt for her daughter three years earlier. The feeling of having failed to love her in the right way.
“Today you don’t have to worry about me at all. I wouldn’t have invited you to talk about it if I didn’t want you to vent freely.” The loneliness after what had happened had marked her irreparably. The nights were filled with lonely weeping, in a locked bedroom and with the awareness that, once that door was opened, she would have to put on the little theater of apparent perfection that had been built around their family. There hadn’t been a friend who could guide her, who could give her advice to avoid making more mistakes, who could listen to her. Right now, Lana just wanted to fill that void for Lois.
“Friday night Jonathan was home alone. Jordan found him barely conscious… he had mixed painkillers and alcohol.” Lois was doing her best not to make eye contact, shaky breath and tears barely held back. “If Clark hadn’t heard him, Jon probably wouldn’t have made it…”
Lana knew what to expect, she’d figured it out, but somehow hearing it was even worse. She didn’t know Jonathan well, the preference Sarah felt between the twins had always been quite evident, but her daughter still spoke of him with affection and over time she too had the opportunity to understand that he was a boy with a golden heart, worthy of the name he bore. He didn’t deserve that kind of suffering.
“And how are you? How are you holding up?”
“… I’m terrified. They’re planning to discharge him on Tuesday and I’m still processing what happened in the last forty-eight hours.” She was surprised by such genuine sincerity. To be honest, Lana was ready for a lot more resistance from Lois, beating around the bush or redirecting her attention to the rest of her family. She was grateful to know that her friend felt like she could actually be vulnerable in front of her.
“You think he’s not ready?” The question brought with it many others. ‘Do you think he could hurt himself again? Do you think he’ll try again as soon as he gets the chance? Do you think he needs a more definitive intervention?’. She didn’t ask any of those things, she just waited.
“I think we are not ready! I don’t know how to protect him and I’m afraid we’ll mess up again.” Lois had started crying, her phone still clutched tightly in her hands. “Jordan has always struggled with certain things, but that meant that in the worst of times, the problems we had to solve were the same as always. But Jonathan? He was so cheerful and friendly and selfless. Being his mother was the easiest thing in the world and now that he really needs me I don’t know where to start. We don’t have any protocol for this situation.”
Lana didn’t need to think about it before hugging her. For a few seconds, she held Lois as hard as she could, trying to convey her support and understanding with that simple gesture. She then pulled away and smiled sadly, in her eyes the look of someone who’d been down that road before.
“No one teaches you how to behave when your child attempts suicide. You can just… do your best to listen. It took me too long to figure it out, but that doesn’t mean it has to happen to you too.”
“I don’t know what to listen to. I don’t understand what’s going through his head. He doesn’t want to talk, he avoids the topic and I don’t know how much or what to be worried about.” Her frustration was evident and Lana couldn’t really blame her. Having teenage children often involved silence and secrets, but it wasn’t always easy to grant them that kind of freedom, to distinguish the line between protection and mere invasion of privacy.
“Have you already looked for a therapist? If you want, I can give you the number of the office where Sarah’s doctor works.” Lois shook her head slightly, sighing. Her hands were finally free and, after a moment of hesitation, she began to play with a strand of her hair.
“We still have to discuss it properly. He may need another type of therapist, someone who knows about our family. We’re not sure what effect his father’s and brother’s powers had on his situation.”
“How’s Clark doing?” If she’d learned something in the years she had known Clark, it was that he didn’t respond well to family crises. He was good with words, perfect with pep talks, but he didn’t seem to know how to get beyond that slight layer of superficiality. He was an expert on appearances, as one would expect from any good country man like him. The way Lois pursed her lips let her know she wasn’t that far from the truth after all.
“He’s making me mad. He wants to be strong for us, one of his Superman bullshit, and I know he’s actually as scared as I am, but when he acts like that… it’s like I’m not talking about our son’s life and future.” She watched as Lois laughed nervously, perhaps struck by the irony of the situation, her gaze turned down once again.
“You have to be honest with him. Tell him how you feel, seek dialogue, but really, a conflict at home is the last thing you need right now.” Lana had lived it firsthand, how much internal tensions made everything worse, she had lived it with Sarah, increasingly tired and oppressed by the thousand quarrels that surrounded her. Lois and Clark weren’t like her and Kyle, she didn’t think they ever would be, but she couldn’t help but voice that recommendation.
“Yes, I… I’ll talk to him before they discharge Jon. We have to be on the same page.”
“You’ll get out of this, Lois. I know it seems impossible right now, but your family is strong. You will be able to help him.” She wished she could have done more, not having to limit herself to whispered reassurances, being able to give her something more concrete than the example that their story had been.
“Things will never be the same.” Lois’s voice was filled with regret and pain, mourning a piece of her family’s life that she had lost forever, unable to do anything but watch as it disappeared. Lana gave her another slight smile.
“No, you’re right. But I promise you that sooner or later you will look at Jon and in his eyes there will be that light that you forgot... at that point you will realize that things don’t have to be the same.”