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Mikoshiba's relationship with romance is a difficult one. Of course, gaming makes things easier in some light, it’s the reason he can have friends like Sakura, but none of that is in preparation for an actual relationship. Nozaki makes things difficult himself, the environment he sets up. He watches Sakura ogle from afar, Mamiko cry, Hori moon over Kashima, but none of these scenarios are things Mikoshiba sees for himself.
It’s not that he doesn’t want one; he just can’t imagine himself dating. It’s embarrassing. He’d have to keep his partner interested, unveil his secrets, confide in someone… who subjected themselves to that? He’d have to be cool all of the time.
“Nozaki,” he says, skimming over last month’s issue of Girl’s Monthly. “If Suzuki is so cool, then why hasn’t he dated anyone yet?”
Nozaki, as attentive as ever to as much as a passing thought of his manga, answers back sharply, “Because he has Mamiko. Of course he wouldn’t date anyone else.”
Mikoshiba pulls a skeptical expression. “But he still acts cool all the time,” Mikoshiba says. “And they’re not even together.” He flips a page. “But look, he keeps talking to all of these girls like it’s natural. What is he doing? What does he even want? Doesn’t he get tired of it!?”
Nozaki scoffs. “That’s just how Suzuki is, Mikoshiba. You’re the one who draws the flowery charm around him.”
“Because you ask me to!” Mikoshiba, unable to handle Nozaki’s overly favorable attitude toward his own characters, turns to Mayu, nestled in the corner. “Hey, Lil bro, what do you think? Wouldn’t you get tired of a guy like this?”
“Hm…” Mayu makes a nonchalant noise and shifts into his pillow. “He’s boring.”
“Geh!” Nozaki jerks back in his seat and turns to his brother. Mikoshiba, triumphant, beams. “That’s not true! You love my manga!”
“Sure,” Mayu says, in a tone that clearly ends the conversation, and then returns to whatever state of hibernation he had been in.
The anxiety curled up in Mikoshiba’s stomach finally resides, leaving Nozaki to pick up the pieces. He turns to Mikoshiba. “Well, what does that say about you then, if you’re supposedly so cool?”
Mikoshiba tenses and feels the blood rush to his cheeks. That’s a persona he needs to function. He needs to look cool to assure himself he’s likeable. “W-Well, that’s just conformity! I have plenty of good points that people just won’t recognize.” He shuts closed the volume and quickly replaces it back into the shelf. “And it’s late so I’m going home!”
Despite his dramatic exit, Mikoshiba takes his time in leaving. He’s still baffled that Nozaki could believe that there are people like Suzuki in the world, 2D or not. Nobody is that cool. Well, maybe if they existed, Mikoshiba could be if he tried. He’d certainly have the desire to be so. His emotional capacity was up for debate.
Whatever, he thought, stepping out of Nozaki’s apartment. The last girl to ask him out had to deal with Seo, and that had worked well enough, disastrous as it was. If he could just hold off until graduation, he’d be fine. Yeah. No trying to constantly please anyone.
“Mikoto-san.”
“Agh!” Mikoshiba latches onto his bag, only to realize it's Mayu behind him. “Oh, Mayu. Are you going home?”
Mayu tilts his head in an “I guess” manner. Mikoshiba wonders why he asked.
As they exit the building, Mikoshiba can’t help but look over at Mayu’s half-asleep face and think about how he even makes it to Nozaki’s apartment without collapsing. He’d imagine it’s happened before, such was Mayu, but as his senior at the moment, it wasn’t hard to worry. The feeling prods at Mikoshiba as they leave the elevator, cross the lobby, and make it all the way to the front gate when he finally bursts out with, “Hey, Mayu, are you going to be okay?”
Mayu doesn’t react, but he does take notice of Mikoshiba’s sudden distress. “Why?”
“Er, I mean…” What is he talking about, of course Mayu would be fine, just because he’s needy doesn’t mean he isn’t capable. How else would he get here and school and wherever else? The kid is a judo machine. “I was just making sure you weren’t going to be scared walking home alone! Because I’m a cool sempai like that. We watch out for each other, right?” Mikoshiba is blushing again. This is horrible. Shit, shit, shit, he has to stop. “I’m… I’m gonna go! Don’t get lost!”
“…Okay,” Mayu says, blinking at the mess Mikoshiba is turning into. “…Good night, Mikoto-san.”
“You too, I guess.” And then Mikoshiba escapes. Oh god, Nozaki is a liar, there is no way anyone could do this every day. At least Mayu isn’t the kind to laugh. Maybe he’s laughing on the inside. Whatever. Mikoshiba doesn’t need to think about this anyway.
Mikoshiba wishes he knew a little more about Nozaki’s brother. It would be interesting; he knows Mayu is interested in his books and games and figurines, but there was something about his uncanny silence that made being around him uncomfortable. Or maybe that’s just Mikoshiba being overly nervous. He doesn’t like not knowing what other people are thinking, and Mayu has to be the king of poker faces.
“Mikoto-san,” Mayu calls out during one of their study group sessions at Nozaki’s house. “We’re out of orange tea.”
“Huh?” Mikoshiba glances back over at Nozaki and Sakura, who are staring at him with expectant faces as if they’re waiting for a magic trick. Maybe making Mayu talk more or something. Nozaki sure seems interested. “I’ll just choose something. I’ll be right back.”
“Huh!?” Sakura yelps at the sudden prospect of being left alone with Nozaki, and to make things worse, Mikoshiba shuts the door behind him. Which is an equally bad mistake, because now he’s left with Mayu and his unreadable expressions.
“We don’t have much else…”
“If not I’ll just have water. That’s okay, right?” Mikoshiba says as they make their way to the kitchen. Mayu follows, because it’s polite, even in the Nozaki house. “Don’t you have homework to do?”
Mayu makes a disgusted face. Of course.
Mikoshiba leaves him sprawled against the kitchen counter as he rummages the fridge for juices that are tomato. The silence is thicker than a brick, be finally finds a good liter of grape juice and pours himself a glass.
Mayu has a problem with staring.
“Do you usually get good grades without studying?” Mikoshiba asks, trying to break the awkward tension. Mayu looks bored, like he could be anywhere else right now, but here was probably the least boring.
“Only when I have to,” Mayu replies offhandedly. He doesn’t say anything else.
“People must not like you for that,” Mikoshiba says. He feels a twinge of sympathy for Mayu, who probably doesn’t care, but Mikoshiba can’t help but imagine being...
“Not really,” Mayu says. He pauses as if he doesn’t plan on actually saying anything else, but, “Only my teammates do. They’re usually the ones who want me to get good grades anyway.”
Because they’re jealous, Mikoshiba realizes, sympathy gone. No wonder Mayu is always so damn bored; nothing is a challenge. He’s just getting good grades for the sake of it. He would be pissed if he didn’t acknowledge Mayu as a fellow galge lover.
Something clicks then. Maybe Mayu is one of those cool guys who is just cool without trying. It would make sense. He was no Suzuki, but Mayu knew how to do anything. Maybe if he cared, he could even draw.
But Mikoshiba can't see him ever dating. What a weird thought.
“Mikoto-san,” Mayu says, from where his head was pillowed in his arms, and Mikoshiba realizes he's been staring pretty hard. “Did you need something?”
“Oh! I, um…” Mikoshiba blushes and pushes his bangs away. “I was just thinking, you’re pretty cool, aren’t you?”
After a beat, Mayu averts his eyes, but there’s a second where it seems as if he’s actually thinking about this. Mikoshiba wonders if he offended him.
“I mean…!” He struggles to find the right words. “You’re like Suzuki, right? I mean, the idea of him. You can be amazing without trying.” And Mikoshiba’s kind of jealous of that; he doesn’t say it but he’s pretty sure it shows on his face. “I wonder if you’d ever need a Mamiko too. It would explain a lot about the manga.”
“…I guess,” Mayu says, and does a sideways version of a shrug. He doesn’t meet Mikoshiba’s eyes.
Mikoshiba wonders how far Mayu’s apathy runs; how much he actually cares about anything. It’s worrisome to Mikoshiba, because he can use apathy as a defense mechanism. But he’s heard the stories. Mayu is infamous for making seemingly emotional impossibilities possible.
But maybe he isn’t wrong. Mikoshiba shouldn’t care, he doesn’t really want to when Mayu’s so perfect already, but his seniority over the younger automatically gives him a sliver of earnestness. He manages a wobbly smile, and curiously, ruffles Mayu’s hair, which is in reach. Mayu surprisingly is quick to act needily to the touch, like a puppy turning over.
“I’m still older than you,” Mikoshiba says defiantly, holding back his hand as if he were in sole control of Mayu’s comfort. Mayu cracks an eye open at him, glaring and wondering why Mikoshiba is stopping now. Mikoshiba, confident again, beams and skips back to the study room.
He screams when he finds Sakura over Nozaki in a strange, compromising position that he had never, ever, ever even thought of before, but it’s all put aside as a misunderstanding by the end of the day. Studying takes a very strange turn as they get into a passage about two characters named Suzumi and Maiko, and they end up leaving early.
He’s surprised when Mayu waves him goodbye from the couch as they leave. He waves back, and it feels good, in a weirdly accomplishing sort of way. Nozaki, who notices, stares at him suspiciously until Mikoshiba is rushing down the street.
It’s not that Mikoshiba is jealous of the relationships around him, far from it. Nobody could be jealous of a relationship like, say, Seo and Wakamatsu’s. He’s just curious, is all. He wonders what it’s like to feel affectionate to one person alone, exclusively and mutually dedicated.
Sakura could give him a rundown, but Sakura’s affection is disillusioned and frankly kind of creepy. Nozaki is Nozaki, Kashima is fighting a losing battle, and the only advice outlet he has left are his games, but he’s tried that before and using 2D charm on 3D girls does not work. Normal girls, frankly, make very little sense to him at all. They’re either too friendly or too scary. They have been, and still are, very bad for Mikoshiba’s health. It’s a good thing he has anomalies like Sakura and Kashima to look out for him.
So trying to pay attention to girls doesn’t work. This level of social ability is far beyond Mikoshiba’s control and frankly, he’s not ready for it.
“It’s okay, Mikorin!” Sakura exclaims. “If you just wanted to have a more comfortable friend group, we’re always happy to help.”
“That’s not it! We’re not supposed to be talking about my problems!” Mikoshiba protests, but Sakura and Mayu have already teamed up. This was only supposed to be a get-fit-quick session, not a counselling circle. It all started when Sakura broke down and confessed that Nozaki was the reason they were getting all fat and she didn’t know whether to continue and relish in his food or quit all together. Mayu, not knowing what to do, left things for Mikoshiba to confide her.
“I-It’s okay!” Sakura laughs, but there are tears in her eyes. “W-We all have something in common, right? Right?”
“We do?” Mikoshiba says.
“Yes!” Sakura looks around at her audience of two and blurts out, “We’re all hopelessly in love!”
“What!?” Mikoshiba darts away from Sakura as quickly as possible. “That is not true! You’re just making things up because you’re finally losing it over Nozaki!”
“I am not!” Sakura protests angrily. “You have that girl you text all the time! It’s gross!”
“You have no right to talk!” And oh god, Mayu is staring at both of them and he actually seems interested for once. “Besides, she’s not even my girlfriend! That would be creepy!”
“I-I, well.” Sakura’s gaze darts to Mayu. “Mayu, don’t you have someone you like?”
“Why would he—”
“Yeah,” Mayu says, and stares over at a small patch of grass on the side of the road as the tension built up within the rest of the team shrivels up and dies. “Yeah, sure,” he says again, just to make it vague.
Sakura, out of shock, chooses wisely and doesn’t speak any further. She stares at Mayu for a long while, apologizes to Mikoshiba, and they end training at that.
When they part with Mayu, Mikoshiba can’t help but stare and wonder what kind of person would get someone like Mayu to crush on them.
“Does this mean…” Sakura says, halfway home after a long silence. “Nozaki-kun has someone he likes too!?”
“Sakura, just stop!”
Unlike Sakura thinks, Mikoshiba does not have a crush on Mayumayu. He honestly doesn’t.
But Mayumayu is a great girl, and great friend. It’s like he’s playing a galge, but instead, in front of him, is an actual girl. He doesn’t have to follow any guides or fictional laws, just be himself. Well, himself as a girl.
What do you think about overly perfect people? Too cool to live. (‘-’*)
He paces around the gate to Nozaki’s apartment complex, contemplating if he should wait for a reply before going in or let Nozaki watch him text all night again. He’s gotten far past sick of it and is now just plain interviewing Mikoshiba on his feelings for his internet girlfriend. It’s pretty freaky.
His phone chimes with a reply.
depends
What do you mean?
the ppl i like rn’t conventionally cool
they’re more interesting to me
Huh, really? So Mayumayu likes weird people. Maybe she’d like hanging around with his friends. That’s cool! It makes me feel a lot better. Thanks!(*≧∀≦)ゞ
Mikoshiba can’t help but fight his grin. Mayumayu’s opinions usually make him feel like this. It’s great talking to someone who doesn’t think he has to be witty and composed every minute of the day.
His mood follows him into Nozaki’s apartment, where Sakura is already starting beta and Mayu is in the corner again eating something Nozaki made. Sakura brightens at his entrance.
“Mikorin! Ah, you look as if something good just happened!” She smiles wide until the tips of her ears a bright and red. It looks like they’ve been having a good time in the apartment too.
“I can be in good moods for no reason,” Mikoshiba responds cheekily, and notices Mayu staring at his off phone from his place in the corner. He gives a curt wave. “Hey, Mayu.”
Mayu looks up, like someone just thought it would actually mean something to talk to him. “Mikoto-san,” he says, with surprisingly good eye contact. It makes Mikoshiba feel a little more accomplished than before. “Good afternoon.”
“Mayu-kun sure likes you, doesn’t he?” Sakura says as he sits down. Nozaki and Mikoshiba both take notice of this, and Nozaki won’t stop staring at him like he just pulled out a bomb. “He never says my name when I greet him.”
“Really?” Mikoshiba side-eyes the boy poking at his phone behind him, and Nozaki is still staring. He won’t lie and say that Mayu’s favor of him doesn’t make him feel good, but it’s still a mystery to him as to how Mayu would even think that way.
Sakura smiles that smile of hers that turns the tips of her ears bright and red. “But you were talking to Mayumayu-chan, right? I saw you put your phone away.”
“Sakura—!”
Nozaki jerks into attention. “What did she say?”
Mikoshiba sputters. “That’s none of your business! I don’t have to report to you what we talk about every day. It’s private,” he insists, but Sakura has those big eyes and that pleading smile that Mikoshiba can’t say no to. Nozaki, as always, is attentive to all romantic escapades around him, as nonexistent as they actually are.
And he can’t shake off the strange feeling that Mayu keeps staring at him the entire night. Honestly, Mikoshiba’s not sure how to feel now.
Things do get a little weirder after that.
Do you use figurines as reference?
sometimes
“Ooh! Really!?” Mikoshiba feels a lot better after spending his money on such a proportional one. Maybe he can send her reference pictures. I just got one!! I collect them so if you want me to show you some then I’ll be happy to!
She seems interested. do you buy them @ the mall?
Today I did. Mikoshiba buys online sometimes, but he likes seeing before he spends. His excitement on talking about such a familiar subject shows as he makes his way out of the mall. They had a sale!ヽ(〃ｖ〃)ノ
im glad for you. As simple as Mayumayu’s texting is, she always seems earnest in everything she says. Mikoshiba is glad he has her to talk to.
And then someone’s breathing down his neck. “Mikoto-san.”
Mikoshiba chokes. “Mayu!” He scrambles to put his phone away, disappointed he can’t reply, but he can’t do anything while Mayu is here. That would be just weird. And then the situation catches his attention. “What are you doing at the mall?”
Mayu shrugs and pulls open a bag from the supplies shop. It’s filled with manga tools; he must have been buying from Nozaki. Mikoshiba is impressed. “Brother cried when I said I would get some for him.”
“Nozaki…” Honestly, though, it is a pretty rare occasion, if it’s ever happened before at all.
“Who were you texting?” Mayu asks out of the blue. He eyes Mikoshiba’s bag. “What’s that?”
“It’s…” Why is he suddenly so interested? “She’s just a friend of mine. And this.” Mikoshiba holds up the bag proudly. “Is what I’ve been waiting to buy all month. You want to see? She’s in casual clothes!”
Mayu probably doesn’t even know what anime he’s talking about, but Mikoshiba shows him anyway, because apparently Mayu likes him enough to deal with him shoving a plastic girl in his face.
“She’s so cute, right?” Mikoshiba can feel his cheeks burn and his grin hurt with how excited he’s getting. “I almost don’t want to unpack her, but then I won’t be able to send pictures to…”
He stops and bites his lip. Mayu is staring, expectant, as if waiting for something to happen. He probably has better things to do.
“Anyway.” Mikoshiba clears his throat. “Are you going to Nozaki’s? I’ll be over later, so maybe I’ll see you.”
“Oh,” Mayu says. He dwells over this. “I guess so.” A pause. “I’ll bring food.”
“Huh?” Mikoshiba doesn’t know what to make of that. Nozaki makes food all of the time. Though it is a nice gesture. “Alright.”
“Okay,” Mayu says, but doesn’t leave. He still seems to be waiting for something. Mikoshiba’s wondering what for.
“Um… take care of yourself,” Mikoshiba says. He gives Mayu a pat on the shoulder for good luck, and then waves him goodbye. Mayu waves back, and then he’s gone.
Nozaki is frantic when Mikoshiba finally comes to visit. There's something about Mayu’s new personality that’s freaking him out, but they all decide the cake is for the better.
“Mikoto-san.” Mayu lifts his head from the desk when Mikoshiba sits down to work. “We bought more orange tea.”
“Ooh! Really? Here?” Mikoshiba turns to Nozaki. “Are we making tea?”
“What,” Nozaki says flatly, and just stares from where he’s perched at his desk, dumbfounded.
“I’ll make some!” Sakura cheers, and puts aside her tools to escape to the kitchen.
“Nice, Nozaki,” Mikoshiba says, for once, except Nozaki is staring at Mayu, who is playing with his phone again.
“Uh, sure.” Nozaki pulls a face as if he just heard a puppy die. “I didn’t know we were making tea today.”
Mayu shrugs, looks up at Mikoshiba, and then returns to his phone. It’s a simple day.
Mikoshiba’s noticed his conversations with Mayumayu have become mini-interviews.
what’s your favorite cake
do you like cats or dogs better
what makes you happy
They’re not creepy, but it is new; it’s strange because Mayumayu has never been no instigative. He wonders what to think of. Maybe she’s suspicious of him. Should he lay off?
what kind of anime do you watch
￣ ( 〃 ﾟｏ ﾟ〃 ) ￣ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Oh, Mayu, are you going home too?” Mikoshiba holds open the elevator door when Mayu catches up. He watches Nozaki’s disbelieving face disappear between the closing doors, and then turns to Mayu. Mikoshiba’s never gotten over how tall he is, despite their age difference. Probably just a family thing. “You’ve been over a lot more lately.”
“Yeah,” Mayu says, shrugging. Mikoshiba doesn’t mind at all, honestly. It’s nice to have someone else he can talk to around the apartment, and Mayu’s been making him feel less weird and more comfortable ever since Mikoshiba became sure he didn’t harbor any ill feelings toward him. That was always reassuring. “Brother’s place isn’t boring.”
“Huh,” Mikoshiba hums. “You seem to enjoy yourself. Do you like hanging around us?” he teases.
“Um.” Mayu shifts. “Yeah, sure.” He glances over at Mikoshiba. “It feels good to be around you.”
“…What?” Mikoshiba says. Then out of nowhere, someone seems to have pressed the second floor button without him even noticing. Mayu hops off the elevator, waves goodbye, and Mikoshiba can just barely manage to wave back before the elevator closes again and he’s gone.
When he finally reaches the ground floor, he pushes past the other residents, who are staring at him and making him blush even harder.
You’re cool to me.
I like you a lot.
It’s from Mayumayu, and Mikoshiba can tell she’s being serious because of the sudden capitalization. It’s so sudden and out of the blue, and Mikoshiba has absolutely no idea what context it’s in or what she was thinking at the time, but it makes him feel really, really gushy inside.
I really like you too!! (`o´)
He’s very happy like this. He doesn’t even care how uncool he looks.
“Mikoto-san,” Mayu says, and that’s about it.
“AAAGH!” Nozaki screams, and shoots out of his chair. Sakura yells and spills ink, but Nozaki doesn’t even mind for once. That’s how they know this isn't a joke. “I can’t take this anymore! Sakura! Toilet!” And then he’s dragging Sakura down to their little gossiping cave, once again, leaving Mikoshiba and Mayu to their tea and cake.
“But... what about me?” Mikoshiba says, left out once again. At least Mayu is here, and he doesn’t seem to care. He just keeps drinking his tea and curls up under a blanket on the other end of the table.
“What are you drawing?” Mayu asks instead, Nozaki and Sakura’s exit apparently having no effect on the conversation at hand.
Mikoshiba has calmed down enough since last time to simply enjoy the fact that Mayu likes being around him. It makes talking to him even more enjoyable, and thankfully Mayu just seems to go along with it. He’s found a new reason to go to Nozaki’s place all the time and he doesn’t mind the strangeness that comes with being favored by someone.
“Hm? Oh, this?” Mikoshiba holds up the page proudly, happy to have something to show off while Nozaki and Sakura go be the best of friends without him. “They’re stargazer lilies! Oze is being pretty nice in this scene, right? White stargazers symbolize purity, it’s the perfect way to add depth.”
“Really?” Mayu says, and he’s paying attention, as nonchalant as it sounds. “Do you do this for everyone?”
“I’m the only one who does. Where do you think this manga gets its aesthetic from?” Mikoshiba gives a proud smile. “They’re nice, right? Right?”
“They’re really pretty,” Mayu finally says. “You’re very good.”
Mikoshiba brightens in an instant. His grin spreads and he can feel his fingertips tingle to draw even more. “Do you want to see some more? I’ve been drawing all day and— Wait, these ones are good.”
Mayu’s upright now, just to watch Mikoshiba show off today’s work. He seems plenty interested and keeps his compliments well and coming. Well, as much as Mayu can deliver them. He’s doing plenty of a good job right now and Mikoshiba adores it.
They keep it up for a while, until Mikoshiba looks up and Nozaki and Sakura have come back from the bathroom. Sakura is staring at them like she’s walked into a brothel, and Nozaki looks especially like he wants to jump off the balcony. Mayu’s leaned in on the table so he can look closely at the pages, and Mikoshiba is still grinning like an idiot, completely elated, so he had no idea what they’re making of the scene.
“Wow,” Sakura says slowly. “It makes sense.”
“Leave them alone, Sakura,” Nozaki tells her, and they go back to their respective places. Mikoshiba is a little disappointed he can’t talk to Mayu anymore, but something’s up. Especially the way Sakura keeps looking at them.
Mayu is noticeably a little less enthusiastic than before and goes back into his blanket to play with his phone.
“Y-You seem happy,” Sakura says. “What did you and Mayu-kun talk about?”
“Just flowers,” Mikoshiba says, but he’s more than happy to brag about it, so the comment is more cheery than he wants it to be.
Sakura visibly holds her breath and accepts the answer before returning to her work. He wonders if he said something wrong.
When it's time to go, he and Mayu leave at about the same time again. Nozaki waves them off as if he can’t even look at them, but it’s something Mayu seems to accept as normal, so Mikoshiba goes along with it while Sakura stays to fret. He only sees the dumbfounded realization on her face that she’s being left alone with Nozaki, again, when they close the door. He hopes it’s good for her.
It’s pretty silent halfway through their trip down, because Mikoshiba is wondering now if he bored Mayu with his explanation, and Mayu was only being courteous. He’s gotten better at reading Mayu’s nonexistent expressions, but nothing beat the anxious feelings that are the aftertaste of being proud of himself.
“Did you really like them?” Mikoshiba asks Mayu, halfway down.
“Like what?” Mayu asks.
“I mean, the drawings.” Mikoshiba can’t believe he’s asking this. He can’t let down someone who likes him. Mayu’s opinion helps him function a lot, kind of like Mayumayu’s does. “They were good, right?”
“I liked them,” Mayu says, which is a lot better than a yes and a lot more Mayu in tone. He seems more distracted than anything, but he’s clearly paying attention to Mikoshiba. It’s enough.
He looks back right when Mikoshiba is smiling like an idiot, because that’s what happens when he’s complimented on such a level that makes him feel giddy and weird at the same time. He tries to rub it off his face as quickly as he can. “Good! Of course they were great. I just like hearing you say it!” he tells Mayu without shame. When he doesn’t respond, Mikoshiba ducks with embarrassment. “It, yeah, it makes me happy to hear that.”
Luckily, Mayu seems to accept that. “That’s good.”
In fact, Mayu’s very happy about it. Not in a way that it shows on his face, but it makes him more attentive than usual to Mikoshiba. He’s a little more energetic, and Mikoshiba feels even better now that he’s made Mayu feel that way. He’s a good senior, isn’t he? So when the elevator doors open, Mikoshiba grins proudly at Mayu and says, “You’re a lot better than I thought you’d be.”
Which is the wrong thing to say. Because for one, Mayu looks as if he’s confused for the first time in his life, and also, that sounded really, really rude. “Thank... you,” Mayu says, though it’s questioning.
“I mean, I thought you were too cool! For a little while. I might have been jealous.” Mikoshiba waits for something to change on Mayu’s face, but he’s just waiting. “I… just come on.” Mikoshiba opts for exiting the elevator first and pulls Mayu along by the arm so they can finally get out of this building. “You know how Suzuki can be annoyingly amazing? Like you were like that except you were…” Mikoshiba waves his hands. “…more imperfect? You just didn’t seem to care about how amazing you are.”
Mayu doesn’t look like he gets it, but nods anyway as Mikoshiba continues to lead him out.
“But it’s been fun getting to know you. You’re a lot less cool than I thought, and that’s actually… really cool itself? It’s like how Mayumayu said she like unconventionally cool people…” Mikoto beams at the memory, something Mayu takes notice of. “She’s pretty awesome herself. It’s helped me a lot. It’s really helped me warm up to you.”
Mayu is silent for a moment, contemplative, before, “I like talking to you.” It’s so sudden it actually make it seem as if Mayu put a lot of effort into saying it. He’s almost flustered, if Mikoshiba had to put a name on it. But he manages to compose himself quickly. “So, good. I’m glad.”
That makes Mikoshiba pretty embarrassed himself, but it feels nice nonetheless. He likes seeing this kind of side of Mayu, who’s a lot less composed and a lot more vulnerable. It makes him approachable, something Mikoshiba can touch. “Thanks,” he says brightly.
But then that thought hits him again, and he remembers. Mayu does have someone he likes. Sakura made him say it, that one time. He wonders if Mayu is just as vulnerable as this around that person, and it’s interesting to Mikoshiba. He’d want to know, but it’s a fleeting feeling, knowing Mayu looks at someone else with more affection. It makes Mikoshiba feel a little less special.
It probably shows on his face, but Mikoshiba is quick to wave it off. Mayu continues to stare, even as they approach the complex gate. “If you acted like that more to your crush than I’m sure they’d like you a lot better."
He gives his wisest smile, full of seniority and confidence, and plans to leave it at that, but something catches him. It’s Mayu, who’s grabbed his arm and planted Mikoshiba before him.
Mayu looks frantic, as if there's something he wants to get off of his chest and there is literally no other time to do it, not even for Mayu, who has all the time in the world. Before Mikoshiba can say a word, Mayu pulls out his phone and types. And when he sends it, that’s Mikoshiba’s phone going off. He didn’t even know Mayu had his number.
“Why are you texting me—”
I like you.
Mikoshiba squints at his phone. Because, well, it’s from Mayumayu. He looks up at Mayu, and there his is, phone in hand, and he looks… he just looks nervous. He’s biting his lip, and giving that weary, expectant gaze that you wouldn’t expect from someone as apathetic as Mayu to have.
For a minute, Mikoshiba can’t imagine why. He should the one who’s nervous, because it really sounds like he just got confessed to. But then again, the one who confessed to him is…
“Yeah,” Mayu says, and puts his phone away. And that’s when it smacks Mikoshiba in the face. “Good night, Mikoto-san.”
And then he’s gone. Mikoshiba doesn’t even notice him walk away, he’s just gone. Now Mikoshiba is only left with his feelings, a text message, and two confessions at once that is leaving his entire world null and blank—
“Mikorin?” Sakura’s voice comes from behind him. “What’s wrong? Where’s Mayu?”
And then the yelling begins.
The worst part is that Mayu doesn’t come to the apartment the next day. Or the next day. Or any time after that as long as Mikoshiba is stressing out over the fact that his online best friend turned out to be his real life… what? What was Mayu? Nozaki’s effortlessly perfect brother who had less energy in his body than an actual sloth. But Mayu going from paying attention to him and actually talking to him to flat-out ignoring him was nothing he ever expected.
And it really hits when Mayumayu stops texting, which pretty much proves she’s Mayu. He’s Mayu. Dammit, he’s apparently told Mayu a lot of things. And judging by the way Mayu’s acted around him, he knows he’s Mamiko. Which means that all of those uplifting, awesome conversations he’s had have all been with Mayu, and Mayu actually took the time to reply to all of them.
And holy crap, Mayu has a crush on him.
The thought haunts him at night, it makes him want to sink into his own bed and yell until the heat from his neck disappears and he stops thinking about all of the times he acted like an idiot in front of Mayu, because this is affecting him way, way, way worse than he thought. It’s all hitting him so hard and it’s emotional and real and he’s not ready for this.
“Mikorin…” Sakura says after class, right during his second week of being ignored. “Did you find out?”
“What!?” Mikoshiba turns a brilliant shade of red, and Sakura’s expression falls even more. “A-About what? What did I…”
“That…” She looks around, cautious, and then drags Mikoshiba around the corner to a secluded area by the stairs. “That Mayu really likes you.”
“You knew!?” Mikoshiba immediately shuts up and then lowers his voice to a minimum. “Did you know he was Mayumayu?” he hisses.
Sakura’s eyes dilate. “He’s who?”
“Okay nevermind.” Mikoshiba uses the eerie silence to calm himself down. “But you actually knew?”
“Mikorin, I’m the one who told you that he liked you,” Sakura said. “I just didn’t know that much. He favors you over all of us. He puts in effort to get you tea and talking to you and, have you noticed how much he’s been visiting? Up until recently he’s been there every day! You’re the one he talks to, didn’t he say anything? If at all? Didn’t you notice?”
Mikoshiba flinches, because, yes, he did. He has. Mayu has told him that he visits because he likes seeing Mikoshiba. He’s just put it off because why in the world would Mayu actually want to say that if it were so personal? Nobody did that! Especially not Mayu. Except he literally did, and Mikoshiba just didn’t want to take it to heart.
“Sakuraaaa…” he groans, and sits with her on the stairs as she awkwardly pets his hair for the next ten minutes. Mikoshiba has never felt so internally conflicted about one person before and it’s horrible, but at least Sakura’s here. She’s the best. Maybe she could answer the confession for him, but he doesn’t want that, because the reason it’s so terrible is because he might, maybe, actually really like Mayu back.
It takes a while (that weekend, actually) before Mikoshiba finally snags an opportunity and he, Nozaki, and Sakura are having a study group at Nozaki’s family’s place again. Mayu is going to be there, according to Nozaki, who is slowly suffering because of whatever the hell has happened to his brother’s motivation, though it still takes a good couple days for Mikoshiba to build up the courage to actually agree to visiting.
Sakura, too panicked that she’s probably going to enter Nozaki’s house while their parents are in, leaves the knocking to Mikoshiba. So he does. Mayu’s the one who answers the door.
“Mikoto-san,” Mayu says, as he always does. He always does it differently. Curiously, thoughtfully, as casually as he can. This is the first time Mikoshiba’s actually let it affect him like it’s meant to.
“Um,” Mikoshiba says after a week of thought, planning, and preparation. Mayu’s wearing one of those shirts that exposes his collar bone very well and he has a muss of bedhead on one side. Sakura is screaming silently beside him, echoing his own thoughts.
Nozaki, who has come to the rescue, stubbornly shoves his brother aside, grabs Sakura, and dumps Mikoshiba and Mayu in the living room. He and Sakura then disappear to parts unknown, where Sakura is surely dying in her own manner, but right here, right in the living room where there is apparently only him and Mayu, Mikoshiba is doing the same.
They manage a more comfortable, professional position on the couch. As comfortable as they can be. Mayu is staring at a cracked spot on the coffee table and Mikoshiba has intelligently folded his legs up under him in some polite position that is far too formal for their… whatever they have. Maybe they’re figuring that out right now. It has to be the worst feeling he’s ever felt if that’s the case.
“I thought you were a girl,” Mikoshiba says. And when Mayu turns, he already has his face buried in his hands. “I’m sorry, how else would you expect me to think when you have a female online persona! What did you expect?!” Mikoshiba protests without any actual instigation.
“But you did the same thing,” Mayu says, still staring at something else. If this is his way of showing embarrassment then Mikoshiba is really jealous.
“But you figured it out eventually, that we were talking.” Mayu responds with silence. He’s probably more nervous about this than Mikoshiba is allowing himself to think. He needs to be more thoughtful. He swallows his pride. “Did you… is that why you always asked me what I liked? To help you out in real life in talking to me?”
“Kind of,” which is most likely a ‘yes’ in Mayu’s book. He bites his lip, which is very cute and very bad for Mikoshiba’s emotional health. “If it made you happy, I didn’t mind. It seemed to work.”
It does work. Which is probably very apparent. Mikoshiba had been very affectionate to someone who really wanted to please him, because Mikoshiba had really been starting to like him too. “Because… you like me.”
“Yes.”
“You have a crush on…” Mikoshiba struggles with the word. “…me.”
“I do,” Mayu says, and finally meets Mikoshiba’s gaze.
“Oh.” Mikoshiba searches for the right thing to say. The last time someone confessed to him, he immediately knew he had to just scare them off. Not only would Mayu not fall for that, but scaring him off is the last thing he wants to do. “This is a first.”
“Probably not,” Mayu suggests.
“That’s not what I meant! People have confessed to me before!” Mikoshiba sees Mayu pulls a reluctant expression at that, because that’s disturbing to him. It would be insulting in any other context, but now it just feels mortifying. “I mean this is the first time I’ve had mutual feelings with someone.”
“…Oh,” Mayu says. Apparently they can’t get enough of that word. Mikoshiba is able to fend off his gaze, but the silence is slowly suffocating him.
“This… this isn’t working.” Nobody should let Mikoshiba talk this long in this state. Nozaki would shun him, probably yell at him a lot. At least Sakura would understand.
Slowly regaining himself, he stops, takes a breath, and watches Mayu. He has a hooded gaze, knee drawn up so he can curl up against something, but also to hide his face. His hand is drawn back to smooth back his bedhead, so his hair brushes against his pink ears. Mikoshiba never gets tired to seeing Mayu get embarrassed that it amazes him that sometimes he fails to see it. That’s probably what’s been happening. All this time.
“Mikoto-san?” Mayu’s noticed. Mikoshiba brings up a face to try and rub away how badly he’s reacting to this but it’s pretty much useless. He catches Mayu’s gaze one more time, and there they are, curious, expectant. Aware of Mikoshiba.
He swallows.
“It’s…” Mikoshiba can’t handle this. Nobody should be able to turn that attractive so quickly. But he can’t back out now. “This is fine, right? Don’t look at me.”
“…Alright,” Mayu says, and closes his eyes. He opens them again as soon as Mikoshiba kisses him.
And when Mayu’s eyes widen, full of expression for the first time, Mikoshiba wishes he’d gone for something better. Going right in hot and sensual, something with hands, with more confidence. But Mikoshiba, in all delicate nervousness, manages the slight curl of his hand around Mayu’s wrist as he drops a kiss into the corner of Mayu’s mouth.
It’s a small kiss, but with feeling. One that has Mikoshiba’s nose pressed into Mayu’s cheek, so he’s sure Mayu can feel the warmth radiating off his own. His hand fumbles and finds itself overlapped with Mayu’s, who turns his head the moment Mikoshiba draws away, so that this lips brush slightly and make Mikoshiba’s chest clench tight.
Mayu doesn’t stop staring, even as Mikoshiba ducks away, frustrated and embarrassed. But Mayu has a hold of his hand, fingers twining into Mikoshiba’s, with a slight shiver than Mikoshiba has never felt from him before. And when Mikoshiba looks back up, there’s evidence of a blush tinting Mayu’s cheeks.
But he’s entirely focused on staring at Mikoshiba, and for once, it’s attention Mikoshiba relishes in. It’s affectionate and comfortable, and it makes Mikoshiba feel soft inside.
He likes this, and he really, really likes Mayu.
“Mikoto-san,” Mayu says in a smooth voice, never breaking eye contact as he leans in.
“Yeah, Mayu?” Mikoshiba says, stutter residing for confidence.
Mayu pauses at the sudden use of his name. He’s caught so off-guard that Mikoshiba can’t help but laugh. Mayu only stares as Mikoshiba fights to keep it at nothing but an embarrassed smile, though it’s difficult when just imagining what just happened.
“God,” Mikoshiba says as he calms down. “I can’t believe I just did that.”
Mayu responds by grabbing his shoulder and kissing him again. Full on, no stops, right on the mouth where he’s comfortable sinking into Mikoshiba. Mikoshiba inhales sharply at the sudden press of their lips, but it feels good. It feels really good. He shouldn’t be thinking this way while kissing Nozaki’s younger brother, but Mayu actually likes him and all of his weird tastes and quirks and emotions. He doesn’t mind.
It turns out kissing, unlike the emotions prior to it, is amazing, especially when Mikoshiba slides a hand around Mayu’s neck and dares to deepen it. Mayu makes a small sound of pleasure, needy and affectionate, and kisses back. Though Mikoshiba feels as if he’s in control here, from his active hands to the soft, lazy movements Mayu manages.
It makes him feel a little too giddy to know he might actually be better at kissing than Mayu. It gets him really excited, and it shows. Mayu seems to just melt away at his touch. It’s so nice, to feel like this, to kiss someone who likes him back and likes kissing him back and— what is that.
Mikoshiba pulls away from Mayu in an instant, who’s still a puddle of emotions next to him, because right across the room, someone hides behind the doorway.
“What… Nozaki!” Mikoshiba jumps away from Mayu, and that finally gets him to snap out of it and look over to where his older brother is crouched in hiding not too far away.
“Nozaki-kun!” Sakura screeches from somewhere hidden, small enough to actually remain unseen. “I told you!”
“Che.” Nozaki clicks his tongue with disappointment, and attempts to roll out of frame, but bumps into Sakura right next to him. She goes down with a screech.
Mikoshiba, however, has lost all of his remaining confidence, and the blood is rushing back to his face all over again. He collapses back on the couch and buries his face into his hands. “This is weird,” he groans.
Then the couch shifts with movement, and he yelps when Mayu falls onto his stomach, comfortably positioning himself so that he can curl up into Mikoshiba’s warmth. He’s probably exhausted, from exerting all of that energy keeping up with an exited Mikoshiba.
“I’m gonna sleep,” he says, and closes his eyes, satisfied and content.
Mikoshiba looks up to where Nozaki and Sakura are still rolling around and fighting over the camera, and lets out a long, relieved sigh. Looking down at Mayu’s face, he tentatively lifts a hand to run through Mayu’s hair, surprisingly soft, and sinks back into the couch after a long day of emotions and stress.
It feels very peaceful not to worry about so much.
“Mikorin,” Sakura says from the other end of the table. She looks tired and jealous, slowly dabbing at a tree above Suzuki’s face. “Mikorin, don’t do this.”
“I’m not doing anything,” Mikoshiba says, but it’s strangled by the overbearing guilt he feels from Mayu’s head nestled on his shoulder.
“Mikoshiba,” Nozaki says from his desk. “I believe this might affect your work ethic,” he says in a voice that clearly says that’s not the actual problem at hand.
“It is not and you know it,” Mikoshiba hisses, and Mayu nuzzles in so his hair brushes against his neck. Mikoshiba relaxes at the touch and moves to fix the blanket around Mayu’s shoulders.
“AAGH!” Sakura slams her brush down. “I CAN’T STAND THIS! NOZAKI-KUN! TOILET!”
“What?” Nozaki jerks up with urgency, but Sakura already has his arm and is dragging him down the hall. Mikoshiba’s worry escalates to the point where he’s actually scared of leaving Sakura alone with Nozaki. Or Nozaki with Sakura. Something’s bound to happen.
Mayu reaches over to nudge the pencil out of Mikoshiba’s hand, which means he wants Mikoshiba to do something else. Mikoshiba sighs and curls his fingers into Mayu’s hair instead. Mayu really likes that. Keeping him satisfied sometimes seem so simple because it’s as if everything Mikoshiba does makes him happy.
It tugs something in his chest, so Mikoshiba gets a little extra sappy and kisses his head as well. It keeps Mayu quiet for a while.