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Yu groaned, sitting up, rubbing his head with his hand, looking around the familiar room.
He was home. Not at the Dojima Residence, but in the house that he had grown up in in the city. Why was he home? He shouldn’t have been there at all. The last thing that he remembered, he had been with everyone in the TV world, but as they were almost back to the backlot, everything went dark. He had no idea what had happened.
He took a breath, standing up. He had a bad feeling about what was going on.
The last thing that he remembered was the TV world - he didn’t remember leaving it either and he was inexplicably back home in the city. Did that mean that he was still in the TV world, but in a place that, like everyone else, he had unconsciously created? He couldn’t feel the familiar tug in his mind of his Personas either. That seemed bad.
He reached up to his face, taking a deep breath as he touched the frames of the glasses he was wearing, sliding them off of himself. Immediately, the entire room was flooded with fog. That settled that he was in the TV world still then.
He put the glasses back on, standing up. He wanted to get out of here. He could probably make it back to the entrance if he could avoid any shadows he came across.
He tried the door, but the doorknob didn’t turn - it was locked. He tried to keep the panic from building in his gut. If it was locked, that meant that he was trapped, locked away in his room. What if no one decided to come for him either? What if he was going to be stuck here forever, totally alone?
There was suddenly a loud laugh from behind him. His blood ran cold as he quickly turned to face it.
It was him.
He had been expecting as much.
It looked exactly like him, down to the unbuttoned blazer and hair color. It was the exact face that he saw in the mirror every day. With the exception of one thing - the eyes. Instead of his normal gray, they were yellow, almost glowing as he stared at him.
He opened his mouth, beginning to talk. “Of course no one is going to come. Why would they want to come help you of all people?”
“I…” He looked down at the ground. Deep down, that was something that he always worried about. Did any of his friends actually like him? Or did they just put up with him because of his ability to use multiple Personas in fights? Would they even be worried that he was gone? Had they even noticed?
“You know as well as I do that no one actually cares about you. Why would they when they don’t even really know who you are?”
He winced, trying to not let the Shadow’s words get to him. If he tried to deny him, then it wouldn’t end up very well for him.
“That’s right, just pretend like everything’s fine, like you always do. Sit in here and die of boredom for all I care.”
With that, there was a bright flash of light and the Shadow was gone.
He took a shaky breath, sitting back against the bed, burying his face into his hands. That was his Shadow. Why did he have a Shadow? Wasn’t it impossible to have a Shadow if you already had a Persona? Could they revert back to being Shadows? What was going on?
It seemed like he didn’t have any other choice though. He couldn’t get out of the room. He just had to wait for someone to come find him. Logically, he knew that his friends would come for him, but it didn’t stop the anxiety curling in his gut.
Yosuke, in particular, was probably really worried about him. He took a sharp breath. Yosuke. What would his Shadow say to Yosuke when he got there? He didn’t want him to say anything to him. That would be way too much. Yosuke would hate him if he heard what he was actually feeling about him. He didn’t want that at all.
None of this was good.
He stood, walking over to the window, pulling back the curtain. He was expecting as much, but instead of the familiar city he was used to out there, it was just an expanse of nothingness, the fog thick even with the glasses on.
He turned away, looking around the room. It really was identical to his room back home. Everything down to the pens in the cup on his desk.
Why had this happened now of all times? He had never had to face his Shadow to begin with, but for some reason, it looked like he was finally going to have to.
What had triggered it though? It had all been fine up until now. What could have happened that intensified his emotions to this point?
He took a shaky breath. He might have an idea.
About a week ago, he had gone up to the hill overlooking the town with Yosuke. They had talked for a bit and then he had said something that had constantly been on his mind since.
Yeah, like you. You're special to me.
After he had said that, he had wanted to tell him everything that he had been feeling about him. He wanted to tell him that he was special to him too. He wanted to tell him how much his heart pounded when they were together. He wanted to tell him how much he loved and looked forward to spending time with him. He wanted to tell him how he thought sometimes about what it would be like to hug him and kiss him and hold him close.
He couldn't though.
He would hate him if he told him that.
He just couldn't bring himself to do it. Despite everything, Yosuke was still his best friend. He didn't want to lose him. He couldn't lose him.
And so, he hadn't said any of that.
And now, he was here. He could only imagine that that was why. That his feelings had begun running too high and it had somehow caused his Shadow to emerge.
He took a breath, going back over to the bed and sitting down. What was he supposed to do? He was locked in this room with no way out. Alone. Of course he was alone. In this room, there was no other state of being.
He really hadn't known what it was like to have other people in the house with him for basically his entire life. Yes, his parents were sometimes there, but living at home, he ate dinner by himself most nights.
He didn't want it to be like that anymore. He wanted to keep living his life with other people around him. But, what if they didn't want him around them? That question kept him up at night. After he left Inaba, would all of his friends here still keep in touch? Would they get together sometimes? Would they still be friends at all?
He rubbed his eyes with his hands. It wouldn't do him any good to worry about that right then.
He laid down on his side, bringing his knees up to his chest, staring at the wall. What was he supposed to be doing?
According to everyone, time seemed to pass by differently while they were waiting with their Shadows. How long had passed already? Had it only been a few hours or was it possible that days had gone by? He really had no way of knowing.
He sighed. Maybe he should try and go to sleep. That might make the time pass by faster. They had also been exploring for the entire afternoon before all of this had happened, so he was surprisingly tired - that might have something to do with being in the TV world for so long too though.
He closed his eyes, quickly drifting off into a dreamless sleep.
- - -
He blinked his eyes open, staring up at the ceiling. There was another moment of disorientation where he wondered why he was back home before he remembered what had happened.
He sat up, jumping when he noticed he wasn't alone anymore.
His Shadow was sitting on his desk chair, watching him. "I thought you'd never wake up."
He took a deep breath. "All right, can we just get this over with already? I know all the things you're about to say to me."
"And where's the fun in that? You might be able to admit it to yourself, but there's no point unless you do it in front of everyone. In front of Yosuke."
He winced. He had been afraid of that. Yosuke was the one person he didn't want to admit any of it in front of.
He knew better than to argue though. If the Shadow got too riled up, it had the very real potential to kill him. Still, he didn't want to admit to what it was saying in front of him. What would happen if he did?
"Speaking of everyone," the Shadow said, "You'll never guess who's nearby."
He looked up. He didn't imagine that he would be lying about that, so that meant that everyone had actually come for him.
"Of course, they're probably only coming because of how useful you are in a fight. It's not like they actually care about you."
He winced. He really didn't like this; his negative thoughts being put out in the open, making them so much harder to ignore.
"You know it's true. Always trying to get everyone to like you. It's exhausting."
He swallowed hard, looking down at his legs.
"Well, I should probably go say 'hi'. See you in a bit."
He didn't look up as the Shadow disappeared, once again leaving him alone in the room. Why was this happening? Why couldn't everything just continue on as it had?
He didn't have to wait for very long before he felt another presence in the room, immediately recognizing it as the Shadow. He turned toward him.
He let out a laugh as he faced him. "You should have seen their faces. Yosuke was pissed."
He didn't like that they were upset, but it did make him a little bit happy to hear. that they cared enough to be mad.
His Shadow walked over to the bed, sitting down next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “You know, it might be fun to just tell Yosuke everything without you there. How do you think he would react? Maybe he’d just leave you in here and go home and you’d be stuck with me until the fog clears.”
He swallowed hard. “He wouldn’t.”
“Don’t try to lie. I know exactly what you’re thinking, you know. He would abandon you in a heartbeat.”
He stared down at the ground. He wouldn’t, would he? Would he still care about him even after learning about his feelings? He wasn’t entirely sure.
“All right, well, I’m going to leave you to it. Might as well get the full experience of being here, am I right?”
He didn’t say anything as he stood, not looking up as his presence once again disappeared from the room.
He brought his legs up, hugging his knees against his chest. He really hated this.
- - -
More time passed, but he stayed entirely alone, cut off from anyone and anything. At one point he tried to look at the books on his bookshelf to try and find something to distract himself with, but he found all of the pages blank. There was nothing he could do to escape sitting there with his thoughts.
He quickly lost track of time. For all he knew, days could have passed. It didn’t necessarily feel like that long, but if time worked differently here, then it very well could have been.
He didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts anymore. It was starting to be too much. The only things that he could think about were all of his issues - the things that his Shadow was going to be bringing up for everyone to hear.
All of a sudden, there was movement out of the corner of his eye. He jumped, turning to see his Shadow standing there, staring toward the door.
Was something about to happen?
He held his breath, looking toward it as well, a million thoughts going through his head.
The doorknob turned and the door swung open.
“Yu!”
He barely had time to register Yosuke’s voice before he was in front of him, his gaze sweeping over him as if checking for injuries.
Everyone came rushing in as well, calling his name. It made his chest warm to hear their worry for him. They cared about him.
“I’m fine,” he said, his voice slightly gruff from disuse.
“Look at all of them, acting like they care. You know they only came because you’re useful to them. It’s not like they actually care what happens.”
Yu looked down. He hated hearing that out loud so much. It wasn’t that he distrusted them, but there was a part of him that worried about things like that.
“What the hell did you just say? We all care about Yu. You don’t know how we feel.” Yosuke said, his voice harsh.
The Shadow laughed. “But I do. You’ve all told me so many things about yourselves. I probably know things about all of you that no one else knows. And do you want to know why? I’m so good at getting people to like me and rely on me because I’m so fucking scared of being alone. You ever wonder why I can use multiple Personas? Well, I have. I don’t even have a real identity. I just match myself to what the people around me want from me. You say you care about me? You don’t even know me.”
Yu winced. Once again, things that he had thought about before. He took a deep breath. While it was painful to hear it spoken out loud, it was also something that he needed to accept. If he didn’t, the Shadow would go berserk.
He stood up off of the bed, looking toward the Shadow.
He smiled at him - a grin that made chills run down his spine. “Oh? What now? You’re going to tell me that all of that is true so that you don’t make trouble for everyone else?”
“I-”
“Scared that if they have to fight that they’ll resent you for it. You’ve been through this with everyone else. You’re supposed to know better.”
“That’s-”
“You’d be better off alone anyways. That’s how it’s always been. Why change it now? As long as you got good grades, no one would ever bother you. They’d just leave you alone and you wouldn’t have to worry about what anyone else thought about you.”
The Shadow paused, taking a step forward, fixing his gaze onto Yosuke. “You’d really hate me if you knew what I really thought about you, Partner.”
He hated how he said that word. It was still his voice, but it was so distorted, making it sound off, like there was something more sinister at play. He was also about to reveal everything to him, wasn’t he?
“What are you talking about?” Yosuke asked, turning to look at Yu.
“I…” He couldn’t say it. It was way too hard.
The Shadow strode forward, stopping in front of Yosuke - who looked like he was having trouble not flinching - reaching over, and laying his hand on cheek.
He couldn’t see Yosuke’s expression from where he was, but he could only imagine that he was surprised or maybe weirded out by that gesture. He wanted that to be his own hand so badly though.
The Shadow turned toward him. “Do you want to tell him, or should I? Last chance to do it yourself.”
“Tell me what?” Yosuke asked, looking toward him, leaning away from the Shadow.
Yu opened his mouth, forcing himself to look at him. “Yosuke, I…” He faltered. This was terrifying - not to mention, everyone else was there too. Would they also hate him if they found this out about him?
The Shadow rolled his eyes. “Fine, I guess I’ll do it for you.”
Yu stayed staring at the ground. This was about to happen whether he wanted it to or not.
"Remember when you said that I was special to you?"
"Yeah, what about it?"
"I was too much of a coward to say it at the time, but you're special to me too. Not in the way that you meant it though."
Yosuke's gaze flickered to him and he immediately looked away. Why was he taking so long to say it? It almost felt like he was taking joy in dragging it out.
"I'm a freak. I'm a guy who's into my guy best friend. I deserve to be alone. You deserve to turn me away and think I'm disgusting."
Yosuke took a sharp breath, but he refused to look over to him. There were some murmurings from the rest of the group, but it seemed like they had collectively decided to not get too involved for the time being.
It was quiet for a few unbearable seconds. Those feelings that he had tried so desperately to keep under wraps were out in the open now. Yosuke probably did hate him now.
He squeezed his eyes shut as Yosuke walked toward him. What was he going to do?
Really, the last thing that he was expecting was for him to wrap his arms around him and pull him into a bone-crushingly tight hug.
What was happening? Why was he hugging him? Did he not hate him?
"Yu, I'm sorry I made you feel that way. You know you're my best friend, right? No matter what."
He swallowed hard. Why was he okay with this?
He pressed his face against the side of his neck - he smelled like sweat, but that didn't really bother him. This was not the reaction he had expected from him in the least. He didn't even know how to react. He really still wanted to be friends with him?
His Shadow had been quiet for a little bit, but started speaking again. "You know that he's just saying that. None of that is true."
Yosuke turned to face the Shadow. "You have no idea how I feel. Why would I lie about something like that? Yu's my best friend."
"Why would you lie? You're just trying to get out of here. Why would you still care about him after learning that? You wouldn't."
Yosuke was tense, grabbing tightly onto his shirt. He couldn't see his face, but he would guess that he was scowling.
Before he could say anything else though, Yu took a deep breath, pulling back. He wanted to get through this without having a fight. That meant he needed to accept his Shadow.
He walked over so that he was standing in front of the Shadow. "You're completely right in the fact that I'm terrified of being alone. I… this is the first time that I've had people around me who care about me and it really scares me to think about losing that. Because of that, I do try to be more the person the people around me want me to be. About everything else too…" He took a deep breath, his face burning. "I do have a crush on Yosuke and I'm terrified that he won't want to be around me anymore. I… basically, what I'm saying is that everything that you're saying is true. I'm scared of people leaving me because they know the real me."
He took a deep breath. That was everything.
The Shadow got a more resigned look on his face before disappearing into a flash of light.
He didn’t get to see anything else though because as soon as that happened, all of the Personas that he had been carrying rushed back all at once. He had a brief, splitting headache before he blacked out.
- - -
When he woke, he was swaying slightly, his chest warm.
He groaned, lifting his head up, trying to figure out what was going on, blinking in surprise. Yosuke was carrying him. He was pressed up against his back, arms around his neck, legs being held.
He had actually chosen to carry him after all that? He must have been pretty heavy, but he was still doing it? That meant that he still cared about him, right? If he was really weirded out, he could have just made Kanji do it.
Yosuke turned his head a little. “You awake?”
“Yeah.” His voice was gravelly.
“We’re almost back. You passed out as soon as your Shadow disappeared.”
Right, that was what had happened. His head still hurt from that. He buried his face against his neck. “All of them came back at once.”
“Your Personas?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you feeling all right?”
“I have a headache.”
He appreciated the fact that everyone else was just being quiet and letting them talk, but that had to let up sooner or later. Rise broke that silence first. “Yu-senpai, I just needed to say that all of us care about you too. We’re going to stick by you no matter what. You don’t need to worry about that.”
He took a deep breath as everyone else offered a similar sentiment. Why did that make him feel like crying?
“I… thank you.”
They kept walking for a little while until they arrived at the backlot. At that point, Yosuke put him down, but still helped him through the stack of TVs. His legs were still super wobbly.
He winced as he ended up in the familiar electronic’s department of Junes. It was so bright and so much louder than it had been the entire time he was in that room - how long had he been in there anyway?
Naoto stepped away to call someone while everyone else lingered around the TVs with him. He had to lean up against Yosuke the entire time.
“So, how long was I gone for?”
“Five days,” Yosuke answered immediately.
It hadn’t really felt like that long, but he supposed that it made sense. He had been sitting in there for a while. His uncle and Nanako were probably so worried about him. What was he even supposed to say to them about what had happened? That he didn’t remember? He supposed that that lined up with what everyone else said when they got kidnapped, but it still made him nervous to lie to him like that. He was already suspicious of his involvement.
After a minute, Naoto came back, telling everyone that she had called the proper people and that they were coming.
“And Yu-senpai, it sounds like Detective Dojima is coming as well.”
He nodded. “Thanks for the heads up.”
They walked to the outside of the store, only having to wait a few minutes before a few police cars showed up, followed immediately by what he recognized as his uncle’s car.
Dojima was to them before anyone else, walking up to him. He had never quite seen so much concern on his face before. “Yu. Are you all right?”
He nodded. “I’ll be fine.”
“What happened?” He paused. “Actually, tell me in the car. I’m taking you to the hospital.”
The hospital? He wasn’t that bad, was he? Then again, he supposed that he had been missing for five days. Everyone else had needed days of bedrest to recover after they had faced their Shadows, so it probably wasn’t a bad thing.
“Okay.”
“Hanamura, stay here. I want you to give a statement.”
Yosuke looked like he was about to argue, but nodded, pulling slightly away from him. He didn’t want him to go.
“I’ll come see you in a little bit,” Yosuke said.
He wanted to ask his uncle to let him come too, but he knew he was already going to be pushing it by claiming that he didn’t remember what had happened to him, so he didn’t. “Okay. See you.”
With that, Dojima led him to the car, helping him in, before getting in himself, and starting to drive.
“All right, so what happened?”
He bit his lip. He felt bad for lying, but there was no way that he would believe him if he said there was a whole nother world inside of the TV. “I don’t really remember.”
He looked like he was about to say something, but held back. “Fine. Just tell me if you do remember something. It’s my job to look out for you.”
He looked down. “I will.”
“Good. Nanako’s been really upset. She’ll be happy to see you.”
“I’m sorry for worrying you.”
They kept driving to the hospital in relative silence. Even though it was quiet, it was nice to not be alone.
They got to the hospital and got him checked in. After a quick exam, they deduced that nothing was wrong with him except for that he was dehydrated. Because of the circumstances though, they made the decision to have him stay there until the next afternoon in case anything happened. He didn’t think that it would, but he didn’t complain. He was ready to go to sleep and he wasn’t sure he would make it until they got back home.
They gave him an IV with saline to help with dehydration, then sent him off to bed. He fell asleep as soon as he closed his eyes.
- - -
When he woke up, he immediately noticed another presence in the room with him. He turned his head to the side, blinking.
Yosuke.
He was sitting in a chair next to his bed, watching him with rapt attention.
“Hey, good morning.”
Yu sat up, rubbing his eyes. “What time is it?”
“Uh, like 10 o’clock.”
He frowned. “What day is it?”
“Monday.”
“Why aren’t you in school?”
He shrugged. “I skipped today to come see you.”
Why did that make his heart start pounding?
“Anyway, how are you feeling?”
“I’m fine. Just tired.”
“Good.” He hesitated. “And Yu?”
“Yeah?”
“I… uh, I was thinking about this all of last night, but, you do actually like have a crush on me, right?”
Oh, they were getting right into that. The world hadn’t ended yet because of him knowing, so he supposed that it didn’t matter as much as he had thought. “I do.”
He took a sharp breath, nodding, sitting back in the chair. “Right, cool. Uh…”
He looked away. “Does it weird you out?”
Yosuke laid his palm against his cheek, turning his head so that he was looking at him again. “A little bit.”
His heart was racing. Why was he putting his hand on his face. It was so warm against him. He had to fight the urge to lean into the touch.
“But, like I said, I was thinking about it all last night and it really got me thinking. You really are special to me, Partner. That wasn’t an exaggeration at all. I’ve never had someone in my life like you. You mean so much to me. The entire time you were gone, I kept thinking about what would happen if we didn’t get to you in time. And I just…” He trailed off, voice cracking. He took a deep breath. “Anyway, I’ve actually been thinking about this for a little while now, but I really wasn’t sure until yesterday. I… I’ve been so scared to even fully let myself think about it, but… I think that I might actually… I think that I have a crush on you too.” His face was bright red.
He took a sharp breath, not quite processing everything. “What?”
Yosuke started bouncing his leg. “I like you.”
“What?”
“Stop saying ‘what’.”
“I… uh, huh?”
“Oh my god, Yu.”
“You like me?”
“That’s what I just said.”
What was happening? Not only did he not hate him for his crush, but, by some twist of fate, he liked him back? This almost felt too good to be true.
“You’re being serious right now?”
Yosuke groaned, rubbing his eyes with his palms. “Yes, I’m being serious. I wouldn’t joke about something like that.”
“Sorry, I’m just…”
He gave him a soft smile. “It’s fine. I know it’s a lot.”
He hesitated, one thought going through his mind. “So, then, if I like you and you like me, does that mean that we should try going out?”
“If you want to, I want to too.”
“I want to.” There was no hesitation - this was like a dream come true.
Yosuke scooted forward, once again laying his palm against his cheek. “Then, is it all right with you if we…” He trailed off, gaze moving toward his mouth.
He took a deep breath, his heart beating so hard that he was surprised it wasn’t audible. “I would like that.”
Yosuke nodded, slowly leaning forward. He closed his eyes as he ever so gently pressed their lips together. They were so soft - softer than he ever could have imagined. So warm and wonderful and welcoming.
His entire body was so light. He could hardly believe that this was happening. This wasn’t all just a dream was it? He was actually kissing Yosuke? He wasn’t going to wake up in a few minutes, lamenting the loss of his lips?
Yu reached out, grasping gingerly onto one of Yosuke’s hands, intertwining their fingers. He had held his hand before, briefly, while fighting in the TV world when one of them had gotten knocked down and the other had gone to help them up. This was so different though. He could hold onto it for as long as he wanted, not having to worry about the consequences.
After what felt like far too short a time, Yosuke pulled away. He stared after him, already missing the warmth of his lips on his. The one thing that made it bearable was the fact that he was still letting him hold his hand. If he didn’t have that, he wasn’t sure that he would be able to stand it.
“You should probably get some more sleep,” Yosuke said.
He pursed his lips. He wanted to kiss him again, but he was right based on how tired he was.
Yosuke smiled at him, standing up, and pushing him lightly back until he was laying down again. “I’ll still be here when you wake up. I promise.”
“All right. I guess that’s fine.” He wanted to stay up, but even just laying back down, his eyelids were already starting to feel heavy.
Yosuke pulled the blankets up, tucking them around his shoulders, before brushing his bangs aside, leaning over him, and lightly pressing his lips down against his forehead.
He sighed happily. This wasn’t at all how he had imagined this day would go, but he wasn’t about to complain about it. He was just going to go to sleep and hope that, when he woke up again, everything hadn’t all been a dream.
He was glad he wasn’t alone.