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Cecil was awoken by the sun peeking through the crack in the blinds. It shone right into his eyes, as if it were telling him to wake up. his ears brushed against the fabric, making soft sounds as he turned his body to and fro. He knew that he could wake up, but the warmth and comfort of the bed was just too inviting. As he turned his body around to look at Kled, he found the other side of the bed empty. Like every other morning, the sheets were pulled off the corners of the bed, and the covers were pushed to the bottom end. He slowly inched his body off the edge of the bed and into the bathroom. It was mainly to get prepared for the day, brushing his teeth and all that, but also to look for where Kled went. The process was formulaic; every day was just the same. Days seemed short.
Early years were a time for Cecil to discover who he was, a time of curiosity. For anyone, everything was new in their childhood, and everything was nothing until they learned what it was. Cecil, being a yordle, lived this kind of life for many of his first decade. A decade old yordle is like a fetus in human lifespan–nay, not even conceived–and all of his basic knowledge emerged from those days. As he grew older, he found himself gravitating towards science and the art of engineering. For many yordles’ cases, they’ll fall into a hobby or lifestyle, and at that point, that hobby or lifestyle will become their being. It was kind of like destiny. He devoted many decades of his life into creating innovation within his seemingly small community of colleagues, but discovered the large web of scientists across what seemed to be the whole world. Cecil had practically rooted himself in his profession, never seeming to stray. As a result, he found himself watching his colleagues come into his life, just for Cecil to watch them leave him so soon without a warning. It was something that happened so often, but it never crushed him. Instead, it picked at his innocence slowly over time, like picking at marble until you’re left with nothing. Immortality was once a blessing to him; he’d never have to fear the unknown that was death’s comeuppance. Maybe immortality is a curse.
It was awfully quiet in the morning, more than usual at least. Ever since Kled came into Cecil’s life, everything had gotten just a little louder; it wasn’t a bad thing, more it’s just what happens when you live with Kled. Their flat was pretty small, leaving pretty much nowhere for exploration. This way, Cecil knew that Kled would always be near him at any time. That kind of separation would be heartbreaking, for both of them, but especially for Kled. Cecil seemed to have already roamed around the entire house with no sign of a Kled. Odd, he thought to himself. Kled was never not waiting for Cecil. They were always with each other, like they were conjoined by the hip. It worried Cecil a bit to hear the silence all around the flat, but as he approached the living room, a prominent creaking sound and a deep, quiet rumble let Cecil know that he wasn’t alone. As he peeked around the edge of the wall, he saw Kled sat in the corner in a rocking chair while Skaarl was curled up next to him snoring. He surrounded himself with blankets and pillows, creating a sort of “cozy corner” for him and his lizard child. Cecil’s lips revealed a small smile. In Kled’s hands seemed to be a small piece of sketch paper and half a pencil with its eraser half broken off. The end was dull, presuming good use. Kled seemed to be in thought, all focus on the paper. He tapped the broken end of the pencil on his thumb before continuing writing. Cecil, curious, broke the silence.
“Good morning,” he said weakly as he yawned. Kled snapped from focus and looked up at Cecil with a smile.
“Mornin’, Cec.”
"I couldn't find you anywhere, your side of the bed was empty when I woke up." Cecil arched his back, stretching out his body. "When did you wake up? You're never the first one to wake up."
"Oh, I didn't get no sleep at all last night. I was just up all night thinkin'. Don't worry, I'm never usually asleep until the sun can just barely shine above the edge, anyways." That's concerning.
"Um... okay... what was it you were thinkin' about?" Kled made a dubious face as he "hid" the paper from Cecil, letting it peek from under the blanket draped over his lap.
"Nothin'... It's nothin', I swearrr...." Cecil could just let Kled keep teasing at the surprise until he gave up, but instead he took the bait.
“Say, what is it you have in your hands?” Cecil exclaimed with wide eyes as he pointed down to Kled's lap. Kled’s eyes lit up in response to Cecil’s curiosity.
“Oh, oh! See, I finally considered yer “planner” doodad thingy, and I have us ‘ere a plan for today.” Kled folded the paper in half as he held it out for Cecil.
“Really, now?”
“Yea, have a look.” He shook the paper in his hand, calling attention to it. Cecil slowly made his way in front of Kled and gently pulled the paper from Kled’s hand. He confusingly rotated it in his hands, recognizing the small sketches all over it.
“Kled, did you happen to take this from my sketchbook-”
“Read the planner, Cecil.” Kled stared into Cecil with false seriousness, seeming like he would break any second. Cecil went on with the planner, opening the paper and pushing out the creases. The planner read:
- Go outside
- Eat
- Go outside
- Go outside
- Hunt
- Eat
- Sleep
- Go outide
- I meant outside
- eat
- (sleep shud be last)
Cecil, unsure how to respond, simply said, “Oh. This is… great.”
“Really?” Kled placed his hands behind his head, laughing nervously. “I-I mean, I couldn’t think much of anythin’ really. I just put what I wanna do when I made the list.”
“Really, I mean it,” Cecil responded, looking down at Kled with a sweet smile. He held the paper to his chest. “It reflects you perfectly.” Kled smiled widely, overwhelmed with joy.
“Awww, ya mean it?”
“Yes, I do.” Cecil bended down to Kled and kissed him on his cheek. Kled laughed quietly, flustered.
“Well, I got all the time in the world. Nah, let me rephrase it– we do. We gotta do it all. We’ll never not have time. Aaaand if you couldn’t tell, we should get some air soon. I ain’t a homebody, and stayin’ here makes me feel cramped.” He flashed a stupid, funny, seemingly “uncomfortable”(???) face. Cecil just responded with the same laughter that Kled made.
“Yeah, yeah…” He was right! They had all the time in the world, and so much to do! Cecil was eager at the idea of just… doing everything! He didn’t even know what it all meant, he just knew that something should and would be done…
But fear was stronger.
Cecil felt his skin go cold. The air that peeked through cracks felt colder, like ice touching his skin. He felt his throat clog up with silence. Kled continued rambling on about possibilities and life and whatnot; it all just went through one ear and out the other at that point. The feeling had snowballed from what seemed like an itch to an anvil crushing his head. Like death… but that’s idiotic. Cecil couldn’t keep his anxiety bottled in and shaken up, just waiting for it to explode; so he decided against it. He would do something about it, and work out his issues. Deep breath, come on… His chest raised up as he sucked in a big breath, maybe even a tear, and as he opened his eyes, he looked down at Kled, now scratching Skaarl on the back of her neck.
“...Kled?”
“Yeah, Cec?” Kled responded, turning his head just enough to see his man.
“Can I be honest about something?” Kled turned his body around, sitting on his knees, hands on the back of the chair, head resting on the back.
“Alright, tell me. Go on.” For Cecil, it was hard to find the words to say.
“Lately… I’ve been scared.” Kled’s playful attitude hardened into a more serious one.
“Really? Tell me, what happened? Did’ja have a bad dream? Did someone- *gasp* …did somebody hurt you? What’s the color of their blood? Do I gotta get blood on my hands…?” Kled’s eyes narrowed and his hands gripped at the edges of the chair.
“W-what!? No, no!!” He waved his hands frantically as his shook his head with squinted eyes. “I just… is this what you want?” Kled raised an eyebrow.
“Whaddaya mean, Cec.”
“I mean, me. Me, and this home,” he extended his arms to his sides as he looked around. “And everything we’ve committed to. Is this what we’ll have for the rest of eternity? Are we… are we going to last?” This sudden moment of honesty made Kled concerned. Why all of a sudden is Cecil talking death and immortality? That isn’t the Cecil he knows.
“Cecil, what’s goin’ on? Why’re you askin’, what’s goin’ on?”
“I- …” Words were difficult. “I don’t know. I mean, our life has been great, and- and comfortable. Just you, and Skaarl, and everything we’ve worked at to accomplish. It’s just… it makes me sick, thinking about how all of this can just leave us, given time. All that’s going to last in our life is us.”
“Are you talkin’ immortality? Or is it just, like, our love?”
“It’s immortality, yes. I’ve known it all my life, just like you.”
“Cec, you gotta tell me about this kind of shit. How long has this been goin’ on?”
“Since I was born, at least. It was never much to me as a small yordle, maybe just something I thought was perplexing. Nowadays, I can’t seem to get my mind off of it.” He interlocked his fingers together and pushed his thumbs around. “Do you… feel the same?”
“Oh, immortality? It ain’t gettin’ to me yet. I think I’ll be clean ‘till the day I die. Well, I mean, until the day I give into nothin’-ness, right?” Kled let out a raspy, hearty laugh. It felt like a knife stabbing Cecil’s chest.
“Joking about this… does not feel good for me.”
“Well, I’m just tryna make light of a bad situation! Humor is the best medicine…besides chicken noodle soup but YOU GET IT!” Kled’s naturally loud personality felt insulting to Cecil. Like a slap in the face.
“Kled, please, let me talk to you without sidetracking the conversation. I am not in the mood for it.” His face turned sour and he crossed his arms. Kled felt a little heartbroken, but still felt determined to help Cecil.
“Cecil, look at me,” he said, placing his hands on Cecil’s cheeks. “Immortality ain’t somethin’ to worry about. Life ain’t for that bullcrap, or thinkin’ about death. You can’t let that get to you. I won’t let it, even if it means my sanity.” Cecil pulled his head out of Kled’s hands, turning his back on him.
“Maybe that’s easy for you to think. You never worry about anything, anyways.” Cecil’s fingers twitched slightly. He felt a drop of sweat drip down his back.
“Cecil, please, don’t get caught up onnit. Y’know I hate when you’re upset-”
“You aren’t even listening to me, Kled!” His body jerked around 180 degrees. Kled felt himself almost fall out of his seat. “People DIE. Humans die, Kled. Everyone in Noxus, even the ones you don’t kill, die. No one in Piltover will live forever. In the end, the only thing that’s going to stay is us. A-and I’m not ready for that. I can’t live with it. What if I never get a chance to see everyone that I know grow up? When Piltover falls apart, whether all in a day or over hundreds of years, I can NEVER go down with it. I’m not part of it. You’ll be the only thing left of Noxus. It haunts me, the idea that everything I’ve done for this world would be for nothing.” Cecil’s eyes were invaded by tears, spilling out the turmoil that had stayed in his heart until it boiled and came out from his mouth. Each breath was like inhaling needles, blacking out the part of him that was okay. Each breath was uncontrollable, making his whole body jump. “I-I don’t want that, I don’t need to be immortal. Why am I even… this!? I was born just to watch everything around me fall apart. I am the wisest person in the room, but why would I want that? My wisdom will NEVER last. Everything I pass on will die. When this planet reaches its eventual end, I will have nothing. I can’t live with myself, I can’t live by myself. I’ve made so much progress with my colleagues–so, so much–do I even have to continue my work anymore if it’ll all just be used by some other mortal until my work itself dies? And then everyone else who uses my work will also die. But I won’t. The only part of me that’ll die is my will to keep going… and I don’t want to keep going if I don’t need to.”
Cecil dropped to crossed legs, pulling at his hair and hitting his head as if punishing his thoughts. Tears made a pool between his legs. His whole body seemed to collapse as if being pulled down to the planet’s core. Kled looked down at Cecil, unsure how to feel. Should he be sad? Scared? Angry? Moved? Should he feel anything? Each contorted emotion formed into an ugly stare. Cecil was uncharacteristically emotional. Kled wasn’t prepared for it at all. Was it his fault? Should he apologize or just leave him be? Only a genius could answer that, but the genius in the room had collapsed from his body to his heart, a mess of a yordle he once was. It was horror. Kled knew that he couldn’t just leave Cecil cold; what a bitch move that would be. Kled slowly pushed himself off of the rocking chair and onto the ground and dragged his sitting body in front of Cecil. He looked down at Cecil’s face, dripping tears onto the floor. It was tragic and unsettling, but did it really matter? Why should anything stand between their connection? They’re in this world together, vowed to live and love for each other. This was Kled’s time, his time to be emotionally available for a person who’s never been overly emotional to him. Strange. He let out a breath he’d been holding in during the prolonged silence, and looked at Cecil with somber self-possession.
“Cecil, we’ve lived with each other for longer than I can count the days. We built our life from the ground up, not even knowin’ each other at first sight. I likely wouldn’t even know who you was right now if I never made my way into Piltover. That is such a thing to live with. We were strangers. Just two yordles livin’ lives opposite from each other. I dunno if fate brought us together, or destiny, or dumb luck, but I am so glad that it happened. You and I both still have our connections with people outside of us. Most are humans, people that we’re gonna outlive. It will feel horrible to watch them leave us. But, they don’t just disappear when they die. They leaves pieces of themself with you. Bits of time that you can look back at and think, “Ye, that was amazing”. You don’t welcome people into your life to count down the days until they leave you. People come into your life because you learn that you want to know them as more than a stranger. Being immortal ain’t why I love you. I love you because you’re Cecil. A dumb, nerdy, city dwelling yordle that I never want to leave. I think leaving you would kill the part inside of me that wants to keep moving forward. It’s a beautiful thing life is. Unexpected, unpredictable, amazing, horrible, dull, colorful, something. It’s all given to us generously by who knows what. It never lets you guess, and that’s the beauty of it. It can feel cold. It can be like burning up in summer heat. It can be amazing. And it is. You’ve made such a huge mark on this planet, and me, and whoever it is you know. You’re renowned across Runeterra. Everything you do changes the world. It’s like playin’ with a god’s powers, but, I shouldn’t call it that. And if you really are the last thing left of this world, you can let yourself rest. If it tortures you, let it all go. Give yourself a break. But… right now…”
“…”
“Give living a chance.”
Cecil felt raw. Like an amalgam of pain, and grief, and hope. These kinds of words had never came out of Kled’s mouth. Things had changed, and it was jarring. Cecil just wanted to cry his feelings out of his body until he passed out, but it felt hard just to spill himself empty. The violent pain seemed to dry. Kled stared down as his lap, unsure what was left. So he just let his body fall into Cecil’s as his arms crossed behind his curled body.
“...Kled, I…” Cecil’s words were clogged. His body seemed to thaw in Kled’s grasp. It was all so much for him. All he knew he could do at that point is to embrace Kled’s offer of kindness. He rested his head on Kled’s shoulder, the fur under his eyes now wet with tears. They still dripped from his face and onto Kled’s shoulder, but Kled didn’t mind. After all, Kled already felt himself about to cry…? Had he cried for someone ever? A single tear fell from Kled’s closed eyes and ran down his cheek. It felt… weird, and cold, but relieving. They both supported each other’s weight, connecting each other in harmonious form in a time where harmony seemed to fall flat. It stayed that way for God knows how long; just long enough to remember. Long enough to feel okay.
The next day, they went outside.