Chapter Text
With a soft yet deep exhale, you quietly continued rolling your food around in the bowl in front of you with your fork, trying to find some amusement seeing as how you had little appetite.
The hustle and bustle buzzed around you, multiple conversations blurring together annoyingly in the background, only furthering your boredom.
Somehow, your life had lost its color, become tasteless and bland- mediocre.
Funnily enough, you had everything you ever wanted, yet you somehow yearned for more. Money, popularity, good looks, model body- yet here you were, finding yourself bored yet again.
It tended to happen to you a lot, but it was something you had to always keep hidden due to your profession- you were an Idol.
No matter how you felt on the inside, you constantly had to put on a front. A mask, almost your entire personality and persona being a fraud... simply putting on an act for everyone to watch and sing along to.
Of course, this didn't exactly mean you were unhappy, per say. More just bored and coasting through life on auto pilot, each day feeling like the same monotonous play being re-enacted over and over again on repeat.
What would it take to break you out of that cycle this time? Before, you'd found new found entertainment in smaller things like dyeing your hair, even getting small tattoos that were easy to hide, just to spice things up and give you that little push of change and diversity to your endless bland days.
But even those had failed this time- your hair already been dyed many shades of your favorite color, and you were running out of comfortable places to get new hidden ink- and ideas for that matter.
Piercings were mostly out of the question- you'd quickly be eaten alive by the media if they knew you'd done anything even remotely close to "permanent" to your body. The body that was meant to be clean and pure, perfectly devoid of any imperfections or blemishes, or else you ran the risk of losing the public's love and affection.
You'd be thrown away and quickly discarded just like the old morning newspapers and easily replaced by any of your numerous competitors vying for even a taste of your spotlight.
Although you never understood why, you'd quickly gained traction and attention once you joined your first idol group, yet you decided not to question it. Some comments on social media said you were simply the definition of perfect, having such a soft and alluring look about you similar to a siren, drawing people in without much effort on your end at all.
They called you a natural beauty as well- even when haters surfaced and tried to "expose" you by posting pictures of you with no make up or dressed down in comfy clothes, people still flocked to defend you and give you praise.
The funniest part of course always being how vain this industry was. You weren't entirely a fool- you knew these people saw a pretty face and good body and ran with it. They didn't know you, deep down, how could they after all?
You didn't dare show anyone the real you.
No matter what, your mask stayed on.
An idol has to be happy. An idol has to smile. An idol has to go out and sing, giving joy to the fans and making them happy. An idol has to be in her best mood when she is in front of her fans, regardless of the true state of things.
Just as you stabbed a piece of lettuce with your fork in annoyance, a familiar voice could be heard somewhere behind you, now peaking your interest.
"Kazuha?" You couldn't help yourself, the top half of your body now twisting slightly to cast a look over your shoulder, eyes scanning the large area filled with people behind you before a smile reached your lips.
"Hey, Y/N!" The white haired boy gave a quick wave, his pace quickening a bit now that he'd finally found you somehow in the entire ocean of people gathered at this event.
With ease, he slid into the seat across the table from you, returning your smile as he exhaled in relief.
"They're finally giving you a break, huh?" Kazuha rested an elbow on the table in front of him as he rested his chin in the palm of his hand, his ruby eyes finally coming to meet your own gently.
Kazuha was your best friend- or maybe one of your only true friends. Of anyone in this world, he may know the closest version of the "real you" out of everyone else, even family.
"They practically had to- our manager is so paranoid about tomorrow's concert that she gave us all tonight off." You snorted a quick laugh through your nose, eyes now falling back down to your practically untouched bowl of food that you continued to stir around.
Kazuha's gaze dropped as well, more than likely quietly picking up on the fact that you hadn't touched your food, but as usual, he decided against pushing you.
Maybe that was one reason you enjoyed his company so much- he wasn't pushy. Even though he was mostly just a regular guy, you never felt uncomfortable around him, and he didn't treat you like everyone else did. To him, a friend who he did treasure dearly, he didn't obsess over you. He didn't chase after you desperately- how you'd met had even been quite funny.
Kazuha had been the cashier of a local bookstore you frequented, and even though usually when you were out in the general public you would do your best to conceal your identity, he'd seen through it, but hadn't been weird about it.
Your colored hair had been pulled back into a ponytail with a baseball hat on, joined by a simple black hoodie and leggings.
When you brought your newest book to the register to check out, he simply smiled at you and said you had good tastes in stories.
"I hope you enjoy it, miss Y/N. Have a wonderful rest of your day."
Stunned, you'd simply stared back at the man, not used to someone treating you so..... normally. So casually..... so humanly.
It was refreshing. He'd recognized you as the super popular idol, but he didn't treat you like so many others did, like they needed to kiss your shoes and worship the very ground you walked on.
And somehow that had blossomed into such a wonderful friendship, and you were thankful for it.
"You'll be there, right?" You asked quietly, almost feeling small.
Emotions were usually lost on you, always having trouble distinguishing exactly what you were feeling at any given moment and having issues expressing them.
"Of course I will." Kazuha's hand gently reached out to rest on top of your own, stopping you from violently stabbing another piece of your salad as he patiently waited for you to meet his gaze.
Once you finally raised your head, you weren't surprised by the worried look in his eyes.
"Are you okay, Y/N?"
Without a second's hesitation, you put on a fake smile, your lie already slipping past your lips without another thought.
"Of course, silly." You smiled on thoughtlessly, taking his hand in your's as you have a gentle squeeze.
There was no doubt in your mind that Kazuha didn't buy your lie, but that was usual for him. Out of everyone, he seemed to be the only one who could see through you, but you had no choice to keep on the act, even in front of him too.
Your mask couldn't fall for anyone. The risk was too great.
A faint beeping snagged your attention, almost jump-scaring you a bit as you instinctively reached into your pocket to silence it.
"Well, back to the grind." You stood to your feet, casting your best friend one last smile before you were forced back into your rehearsals for the following performance.
——————————————————————
Just one drink wouldn't hurt, right?
After a long day of dancing and singing, practicing your performance over and over again, you deserved a chance to unwind, right?
Sure, your concert was the following day, but one drink wouldn't even get you buzzed.
Before you knew it, you were already seated in the bar stool, ordering something that sounded deliciously fruity as your gaze wandered around the establishment you now found yourself in.
In the back of your mind, you struggled to remember the owner of this bar, faintly wondering if it was the same one your sister had used to frequent back when....
"What are you doing here?" That voice sent an instant irritation into your core, your brows instantly flattening as you willed yourself to continue keeping your gaze locked forward.
Jaw locked, you debated completely ignoring the owner of the voice, praying they'd just decide to go away, but judging by the tone, you highly doubted it.
"What, scared of tomorrow? Decided to get a little drink to steel your nerves, my lady?" The taunting tone continued, causing you to grind your perfect teeth in annoyance as you silently continued biting your tongue.
She was supposed to be apart of your team, but honestly she may be your biggest hater.
"What are you here for then?" Irritation laced your tone of voice like a sharp blade, your head finally turning to meet your teammates' gaze with a raised brow.
"What, we can't both have the same genius idea, princess?" Stephanie brought the glass to her lips, taking a sip as she fluttered her eyelashes at you fakely, clearly trying to unnerve you.
Mockingly, the moved the glass in her hand in small circles, watching as the remaining liquid spun as well.
"I heard the leading director chose your song to be the main part of the performance... somehow even in death, you and your sister always find a way to be the certain of attention, huh? Although it's probably just because of the circumstances... You're the main part of the show just because of pity, how does it feel?" An occasional slur of her voice proved she was at least slightly under the influence, yet it didn't matter, your blood boiled all the same.
With a loud screech, the bar stool you had previously be sitting in was pushed back as you stood to your feet, your hand raising without a moment's hesitation as you aimed it right toward the tipsy woman's face.
The look she gave you definitely gave you satisfaction as the realization registered in her mind, watching like a deer in the headlight's as your hand neared the side of her face, only to stop just in time by another hand wrapping firmly around your wrist.
Now both your head's swiveled, turning to gaze at the person who intervened and more than likely stopped a potential major news story that the two of you would never live down.
Oh shit.
Instantly, your muscles relaxed, even your facial expression dropping to one of soft surprise as your mouth gaped a tad, heart beat picking up its pace in response.
"Everything okay, ladies?"
Your gaze dropped now, adrenaline pumping through your veins as your own actions finally registered in your mind, realizing what you'd almost done- and who'd stopped you.
"We're fine- Mr. Balladeer." Stephanie quickly whipped out, trying to wipe the liquor from her voice as she straightened her own back, almost afraid to look the man in the eyes now as she shied away, her eyes locked on her glass in her hands.
So he and his gang did still own this bar.
Oddly enough, he was still keeping his hold on your wrist, almost as if waiting for you to address him now as well.
You didn't know much about him, only what little your sister had told you. On occasion, she'd snuck out to this very bar just for a rare drink, mostly to ease her nerves much like you'd planned to- until you ended up in this mess at least.
Mouth dry, your tongue almost stuck to the roof of your mouth, preventing you from speaking.
The little you'd known was that they weren't to be taken lightly, and were quite dangerous, but even you didn't think the Balladeer ever made candid appearances on the floor of even his own bar. He was almost spoken about as if he was a ghost, working mostly in the shadows and hidden behind hushed voices.
"Remove this woman." His voice was flat, yet even you could tell the danger laced beneath it, as if he simply exuded it by merely existing.
Stephanie snorted beside you quietly, your heart somehow picking up pace even further, now realizing you'd angered a gang leader on top of possibly being kicked from your team if Stephanie threatened to squeal.
"I meant you." The Balladeer's voice hitched a tad in amusement at the last word, his dark indigo eyes settling on her seated form with a smirk as two of his security guards came up to stand beside Stephanie.
Eyes wide, the girl quickly placed her drink down on the counter in front of her as she scrambled to her feet, clearly not wanting any trouble.
"Nothing happened here tonight, understand?" It wasn't a question, and again, Stephanie gave an obedient and quick nod before the guards turned to escort her out of the bar.
The girl didn't even bother to cast a second glance back at you, far too afraid even being in the Balladeer's presence.
You'd never seen Stephanie back down like a dog with her tail between her legs before, and you couldn't help but admire the Balladeer's effect on others even despite your own fear.
"Now for you..." With a misplaced gentleness, he slowly dropped your wrist, now taking a step to stand in front you, almost demanding you meet his gaze as he rested his elbow against the bar counter.
"I-I'm sorry about that, sir- Balladeer. I'll leave as well-" You were stumbling like an idiot over your words, your throat now dry as you let out an awkward cough, unable to meet his eyes for more than a second before you shied away again.
"No need for the formalities, call me Scaramouche. And there's no need."
This man practically oozed intimidation, even out of someone as usual composed and steeled as you. If you were nervous, you were never one to show it, at least until now.
Then again, there was a lot of hushed rumors about this man and his gang and none of them were good. They were known murderers and criminals, yet somehow the cops could never pin anything on them directly.
Smoothly, he reached over to take your untouched drink from your previous spot at the bar, extending it out to you with a cock of his eyebrow.
With shaky hands, you gently took the glass from his grasp with a quiet 'thank you', bringing the drink to your lips as you took a greedy yet much needed sip, the delicious fruity taste masking most of the alcohol's taste.
"The idol has claws, I see." Scaramouche gave a slight laugh through his nose, giving a nod of his head in the direction of the door, presumably referring to your almost huge mistake with Stephanie.
He recognized you? You didn't expect a notorious gang leader to know anything about the idol industry, even if you were decently famous. It almost felt like two entirely different worlds.
"Y-you know who I am?" You couldn't help the question spilling from your lips, feeling your face flush a little with heat as you instantly regretted asking.
How pathetic that sounded.
"You could say it's apart of my job to know people." The weight of his gaze was far too heavy, feeling as if he was boring holes into your skin, silently gazing on at you as if he didn't know the effect he had on others.
Eagerly, you brought your drink back to your lips, taking another long sip as you tried to steady your nerves and calm your pounding heart.
The way he'd spoken sounded almost teasingly, as if he didn't really mean it or was dodging the question, daring you to call him out on it.
"You have a big show tomorrow, right?" Every word out of his mouth felt like it held an ulterior motive.
No way did the gang leader keep up with the Idol industry, but you didn't dare call him a liar, especially in his own bar.
Finishing off your drink, you gently placed the glass back down on the counter, simply giving a soft nod as you swallowed.
"Hm... maybe I'll have some free time tomorrow. See you around... Y/N." Scaramouch's lips curled up into a smirk, his eyes dipping down to your legs, slowly taking their time moving back up to meet your wavering gaze again as he sized you up.
He knew your name. He wasn't bluffing either?
The man took a few steps away before pausing just to look at you own his shoulder.
"And don't worry about your drink, I've got it covered."
—————————————————————-
Is this what she would have wanted?
Silently, you watched yourself in the mirror, admiring how well your team had done your hair and make up.
You truly looked perfect, every flaw had been concealed or written over like magic.
This was your first concert since your sister's death- her murder actually.
Your first concert without her as your duo, your partner.
Part of you despised this industry. Blamed it for your sister's end. Another part refused to give up on what you and her had built together.
I need to do this, for you. The world needs to hear the last few words you had to say.
Surprisingly, your nerves were quite relaxed, veins filled with a new-found determination, your mind finally coming to terms with your decision.
Your niece and nephew would be on the front row as well- your sister's secret children. Another lie. Although neither of you had a choice in this one, her career surely would have ended the moment the public knew one of their precious idols had been in a relationship, let alone gotten knocked up because of it.
The cover was that they were your manager's children, and it passed off since the children didn't really resemble your sister much.
I have to do this for them too.
"It's show time, Y/N." Miyako peaked her head in through your dressing room door, an almost melancholy look on her face whenever you finally turned to meet her gaze.
All you gave was a simple nod.
Wasting no more time, you stood to your feet, following behind Miyako toward the entrance to the stage.
The music reached your ears as you came to stand by the rest of your Idol group, some of the girls giving you a soft smile while others acted like you didn't even exist.
Stephanie made sure to keep her gaze locked forward, refusing to acknowledge you whatsoever, which you didn't mind. It was much better than the alternative which was usually her trying to get under your skin.
The curtains rose slowly as you all kept your pose, waiting for the beginning of the song to drop before beginning your performance.
"With a smile wreaking havoc on the media
Makes you wanna know her secret, so mysterious
Hasn't got a flaw, she is an expert in that area
She's a master of a liar, none to rival her
Perfect genius idol sama!"
As the words left your lips into the microphone, you already had locked eyes with your niece and nephew in the front row, watching with a smile as they cheered you on and sang along, obviously already knowing the words to you and your sister's new song.
"What did you eat today?
What book is on your brain?
When you just wanna have some fun, what place is your escape?
I haven't ate a thing
It's a secret, no telling
She dodges every question like a lion in the ring
She's so composed
And through it all she glows
And all the lies she weaves, brilliantly, are sweet just like honey
Confusing why why why
Another lie lie lie
So tell me, what's your type?
Girl or guy, please just answer me."
Normal people would probably be nervous now, but not you. Your resolve was steeled, your nerves set in stone with a new found determination. The world would hear your sister's last words, and you would find the one who orchestrated her murder.
" Don't know what it's like to fall in love at all
Couldn't guess or express if that feeling I recall
Is it all a lie? I guess I'll never know
But I'll sing my song again
And make them fall heels of head, and then
They'll love me til the end
Every eye on you, you captivate the room
You're a flawless star, the most ultimate idol
Shooting by, the brightest in the sky
You're a cosmic light, reborn here tonight, ah
You smile heavenly
Your words of love so sweet
They captivate so easily it's almost like a dream
That glimmer in your eyes
Conceals the lies and love that may be fake
But it's now brought to life."
To others, they probably wouldn't think much of the lyrics, people usually not reading too much into any song for the truth, but this was very close to home for you and your sister. For once, in a world full of lies, here was your truth.
" Yea yea we all know she is a special girl
We're the extras in her movie as she runs the world
Yeah, she's such a star, we are the bottom feeders, she's the pearl
She's our leading little lady, shit I think I'm-
Gonna be sick
Screw this chick
Would you be fine with their shoes to lick?
But that's just it, acting like she's the shit, would you not be jealous of it?
But it's all a lie - all just a trick of the light
I can't accept this is right
I won't lay down and die and let you steal what is rightfully mine!"
The only version of love the two of you may have ever known was for each other, and for her children. Your childhood's hadn't been great or filled with much emotion or love, so the both of you had always hidden your true emotions, even more so once becoming Idol's who frequented being in the public eye.
Lies were all you knew, you had no choice.
" Every heart is hers, the worship she deserves
She's a flawless star, the most ultimate idol
Watch her shine, she's perfect by design
An iconic light, reborn here tonight
Ya show no weakness
Never let 'em see it - see it
If you're less than perfect best to keep it secret
Be the one and only! Just believe - lieve it
That's the purest love you'll ever find."
The other faces in the large crowd blurred together, your muscles moving on pure memory like a well oiled machine as you did your little dance routine, singing the words perfectly as you put on the show of your life.
"With a smile setting fire to the media
Lies a secret I will keep cause I'm no amateur
"I'm in love with you" my career is built on such a lie
It's the only way I know to show my love in life
Running down my face, my sweat a clear blue aqua
Ruby eyes that do disguise like secrets keep em hushed
I sing and I'm dancing for the masses, call me Maria
Yes, lying really is the greatest kind of love
I have no idea what love is even like
Is it something you give, or is it something you find?
All the lies I tell, I hope they come true
May they find their own light and be brought to life
(I pray they will thrive)
So gimme your applause, cause I will have it all
No it's not enough, I'm such a greedy idol
How I wish to tell you from my lips
That you have my love, I promise you this
And so, I'll lie again but know
I'm praying there's way they hold a little hope
That they will come true someday
And I'm sorry, it's not fine
That I couldn't say the things I meant to you but now it's finally time
Ah, on the count of two
It's no longer a lie, let me say that it's true, I love you!"
The crowd cheered, happy screams and faces dancing along, probably none the wiser to maybe the truest thing that had ever been uttered on that stage.
Adrenaline coursed through your veins, making you feel like you were on top of the world.
You would continue this life, if only for her.
Other songs followed suite, yet they were the usual ones you and your group had preformed and you easily breezed through the rest of the show with barely a thought in your head, simply running through the motions.
Before you knew it, the show was over. Your skin was covered in a cold sweat, your breathing heavy as you waved and gave a quick thank you to the crowd, putting on that same fake smile as you always did just like the rest of your group.
As the curtains began to close, your eyes struggled to focus on another figure near the front row, standing just behind your niece, Ruby and your nephew Aqua.
Squinting and confused, you tried focusing just before the curtains pulled completely closed, eyes widening with realization as your heart nearly skipped a beat at the sight of those bright yet devious purple eyes.
... He really came.