Chapter Text
The first time, he's walking out of a busy movie theater downtown Miami, sipping on his Slurpee. His mother had really wanted to go and see Dirty Dancing at their local theater, she'd gotten the neighbors to watch over his younger sisters and she'd picked him up from school early to go and spend an entire afternoon in the cool AC of the movie theater. Luis had been bored by the movie at first, but he'd loved the excited smile on his mother's face. He'd smiled and looked at the giant screen.
Oh.
He'd not been prepared. Johnny had shown his handsome face on screen and Luis had been transfixed. Unable to look away. He couldn't explain why, just that his stomach felt all light and fluttery and that he sort of wanted someone to hold him the way Johnny held Baby. It looked nice, comfortable, safe. He'd pressed his little face to his hands and watched with wide eyes as Baby learned how to dance. His mother was elated by the movie, laughing and gasping happily at times. She had always been so easily taken by movies and good stories.
Other than his mother or father no one had ever touched Luis as tenderly and warmly as Johnny did Baby. It made his heart skip a few beats. What it must be like to be loved like so, to be touched so reverently. The ache in his chest left him breathless, he wanted to experience that so badly it made his head spin. He wasn't too sure who he would rather be in such a scenario, Johnny who got to hold a delicate girl in his arms and abandon himself in her or Baby, who got to be held so intimately and so tenderly she would go against her whole family to keep her love. Maybe both. Maybe Luis didn't want to choose, maybe he wanted both to hold and be held.
The movie ended and his cheeks burned, so warm his whole face seemed aflame. He wanted to ask his mother to come back the next day. But tomorrow was hockey practice, his dad would wake him at dawn and they would drive to the local ice rink. He would tie his skates and wave his dad goodbye. He loved hockey, but this? It felt life changing. He hadn't realised before now that people could love so deeply and so passionately. He's only ten, life is only beginning for him and he knows that, but he thinks he's just a bit in love with Baby. And with Johnny but that feels more complicated to put into words. His mom grabs his hand when they exit the theater and she laughs and makes a few dance steps with him, twirling in the afternoon sun as they walk back to their car, a beige station wagon.
And his heart, so full of affection and butterflies and warmth...bursts just then. Two teenage boys walk along the streets talking about seeing Dirty Dancing.
"Oh come on! There's nothing else on! We might as well see it!" The first boy rolls his eyes.
The taller of the two boys shakes his head. There's a pout of disgust on his face.
"No, man! I'm not seeing that stupid movie. It's for fairies."
Luis is left confused because he hasn't been this happy since Yolanda was born. He frowns, watching the two teenagers walk away, still bickering. The words hang heavy in the afternoon air. They feel threatening for some strange reason so he turns to face his mom who has a sour look on her face, long black hair blowing in the wind.
"Mom, what are fairies?"
She sighs, looks sadly at him and strokes his cheek.
"Oh mijo. It's nothing...they just...they meant queer people." And the way her pretty red mouth curls around the word queer makes Luis' stomach tighten with nerves, like he's been caught doing something wrong.
"Queer…?" He whispers.
"Men who love other men, Baby" She says at last in Spanish and the slight disdain tainting her words ...they are worse than a slap in the face. So it is wrong? It is wrong if he looks to Johnny as much as he does Baby? It is wrong for him to imagine being held in Johnny's strong arms?
Suddenly the movie doesn't seem so special and magical. He feels guilty. Tremendously so. He keeps his head down and follows his mother back to their car. He doesn't say a word from all the drive home. Something is probably wrong with him. Maybe it isn't natural to look at boys the way he does. It takes a moment before he realises they are back home, his mother has opened the passenger's door and smiles at him.
"You coming, mijo?" She squeezes his arm.
He tries to smile but he feels all too scared.
"Yes, Mama."