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Text: Chapter One
Author: noxsoulmate
Reader: Juulna
Length: 59:03 minutes
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one
When the first sniffles came through the wall, Carlos was startled, turning in his bed where he was cocooned in his blankets, book in hand, and in the process of winding down. It was his first night home after a week straight of night shifts and it was his goal to quickly get back into a normal sleep rhythm, even though he wasn’t remotely tired.
The sniffling sound that very clearly came from the room adjacent to his didn’t help in that endeavor, setting all his senses on high alert right away.
As far as he knew, the apartment next to his had been empty for the last few months. Someone must’ve moved in during the week – which was entirely possible, seeing how Carlos hardly had any free minutes between his shifts, helping on the ranch for two days, and covering some extra shifts so Mitchell could visit her sick mom.
What little time he’d spent in his apartment, Carlos had been asleep. So yes, a new neighbor moving in without him noticing was actually quite possible.
That didn’t explain the sniffles though which by now had turned into sobs that hardly sounded muffled. And why would they? His neighbor probably didn’t realize just how thin these walls were. Carlos certainly hadn’t suspected it when he first moved in – but quickly found out the hard way. His neighbor until a few months ago certainly had a thing for loud women…
Contemplating what to do, Carlos tried to focus back on his book. It wasn’t his business why his new neighbor was sobbing so loudly. Or bawling his eyes out by the sound of it. Damn…
Putting the book back down, Carlos closed his eyes for a moment. Two parts of himself were at war right now. The polite side, reminding him that it was not his place, that it would probably be embarrassing for the man to find out that Carlos could hear him; that it wasn’t nice to snoop in other people’s privacy. And then there was his protector side, wanting to make sure the man was okay. It didn’t sound like he was in direct danger or crying because he had hurt himself. But the tears still sounded so full of pain.
In the end, it was his compassionate side that won out, and putting the book aside he turned further in bed and moved closer to the wall. Clearing his throat, he spoke just above his normal volume.
“Hey, so please don’t freak out–”
In the next moment, he could hear a thud, followed by a curse, and he was pretty sure the guy had just hit his head somehow. Carlos winced in sympathy.
“Sorry! Sorry, it’s just your neighbor here.”
“Dude,” came the reply, the voice sounding rough, probably from all the crying. “Way to give a person a heart attack. Also, creepy much?”
“My apologies. The walls here are basically paper with some paint slapped on. So uhm… noises are somewhat muffled but… not really, I guess.”
There was a long moment of silence and Carlos thought about just going ahead and asking if he was okay, but the guy beat him to it.
“So you’re saying… you’ve basically been listening to me crying myself to sleep two nights in a row but decided a third night would be too much?”
There was a sniffle and a hiccup and Carlos’ heart went out for his neighbor before he realized that he’d been asked a question. Shaking his head, he quickly clarified.
“No, sorry, of course not. It’s the first time I’m home at night this week.” He thought for a moment about adding that he worked night shifts and that he was a cop but all that seemed a bit too much information for a conversation like this. Instead, he said, “I heard you crying just now and… I felt like I needed to ask if you’re okay. I mean, clearly, you’re not okay okay but… yeah. Just making sure you’re physically okay, I guess.”
Closing his eyes, he leaned his head against the wall. God, that had sounded far more terrible than he’d thought it would. Like a creepy stalker. The guy would probably file a complaint against him or just move out again. To his surprise, he got a reply instead.
“No, to be honest… I guess I’m not okay.”
“Wanna… wanna talk about it?”
There was a short bout of laughter that sounded like a mix of shock and amusement and maybe a bit of disbelief. Which certainly fit with the tone of voice when the reply came. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah, why not? I mean, okay, we don’t know each other, but I promise I won’t judge. I’m also a very good listener.” There was silence on the other side, silence Carlos couldn’t place, so he softly added, “Don’t feel pressured, it was just an offer. I’m here if you need the ear of a stranger.”
There came a chuckle from the other side along with the squeaking of bed springs and a moment later, a soft thud right where Carlos had his ear. Seemed like someone was leaning against the wall. Instinctively, Carlos mirrored the position.
“I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”
“Doesn’t matter. I’m very good at putting puzzle pieces together, so just start wherever you need to and I’ll probably still be able to follow.”
“Is there anything you aren’t good at?” the voice teased and it made Carlos smile for a moment.
“Losing control, I guess,” he replied, only half-joking. “My best friend likes to call me a control freak.”
The chuckle that came this time sounded a bit strangled; as if the guy was fighting back tears once more.
“Hey, it’s okay now. You’re safe,” Carlos felt the need to assure in a whisper that would just be loud enough to make it through the wall. “Take it one step at a time.”
“I just… I…”
“Want me to ask questions instead?”
It would probably be a bit like an interrogation – at which Carlos was also good but there was no need to point that out. He would just have to make sure not to turn it into an actual interrogation.
“Sure,” the guy sniffled. “But uhm… this is gonna sound stupid, but mind if we don’t exchange names? This is totally embarrassing and if I don’t know your name I can at least pretend this isn’t really happening.”
Carlos smiled as he rested his head more firmly against the wall. “I have no problem with that. Okay, why don’t you start with when you moved in? I completely missed that.”
“Two days ago,” his neighbor replied, his voice sounding a bit more steady. “I just moved down here from New York.”
“Alone?”
“No. I mean, I live alone, but I didn’t move alone. I kinda came here with my dad. He– he got a job offer down here and since we work in the same field I followed him.”
“That’s nice,” Carlos replied, wistfully. “My dad and I work in similar jobs but I’m sure I wouldn’t follow him if he ever decided to move.”
There was a pause that made Carlos worry that he had overstepped, that this had gotten too personal, but then he could hear the other man again.
“It wasn’t… it wasn’t exactly of my own free will.”
Frowning, Carlos stayed calm, not letting his cop instincts go on high alert. For now. “Sounds ominous?”
His neighbor sighed, loud enough for Carlos to hear. “I mean, I guess I could’ve said no but… following my dad because of our job is just the official story.”
“Okay? What’s the unofficial one?”
“That he wanted me out of New York and away from my old life. I…”
After a moment of pause, Carlos intervened. “Hey, do you have something to drink?”
“I don’t drink alcohol.”
“Good to know,” Carlos replied with a brief smile. “But I meant water or juice.”
“Oh, yeah. Mineral water.”
“Good, take a sip.”
When there was no reply, he once again feared to have taken it too far, ordering his neighbor around. But a few seconds later, there was the tell-tale noise of a glass bottle being sat down.
“You’re really good at this.”
“At what?” Carlos asked in confusion.
“Taking care of others.”
“I try my best,” he replied, soft smile back on his lips. “Now… wanna tell me about that old life?”
This time, he didn’t push when there was a long silence. Eventually, his neighbor’s voice came again.
“I’m an addict. I fell in with the wrong crowd when I was in my late teens, got clean, relapsed. Eventually, my mom dragged me out of a drug den and shipped me off to rehab in LA. After that, I was fine. Stayed away from pills, stayed sober. … Met a guy. I– I–”
Carlos could hear the tears well up again and almost choke the man but he still didn’t interrupt.
“I thought he was my soulmate. He was perfect, you know? And I wanted it to work between us, so badly. I wanted to prove to my parents and to myself that I could have that, a normal relationship, a future with a great guy… a happy life.”
“What happened?”
“I noticed that we were drifting apart and thinking that a grand gesture would make it all better, I proposed to him.”
“And he said no?”
“Worse. He told me he’d been cheating on me for six months already.”
“Fuck,” Carlos breathed out. “Shit, that’s messed up, man. I’m so sorry.”
There was no reply, just more tears. But it wasn’t the heavy sobs from before and Carlos could only tell because of a sniffle here and there and the sound of him blowing his nose. He gave his neighbor the time he needed. Though he didn’t expect the comment he got when the man spoke again.
“I must be crazy. I just told a stranger in Texas that I’m gay. Please tell me you’re not a homophobe?”
He didn’t know why but the unexpected request pulled a snort from Carlos.
“No, don’t worry. I’m a gay man myself. Not gonna lie, Austin might be a bit more open-minded than the rest of Texas but… yeah, maybe not something you wanna tell just about anyone.”
“I’m not used to hiding it.”
“Lucky you,” Carlos replied. “And I’m not saying you should. Just… maybe don’t tell every stranger you’re talking to through a wall.”
To his great relief, there came a watery laugh in reply, and Carlos smiled at it. It was a rather cute laugh, even with the last traces of tears.
“Promise,” the guy finally said. “You’ll be the only stranger I talk to through walls from now on.”
“Sounds like a deal.”
They were silent for a bit, Carlos wondering if he should say more, if there was anything else he could do. Before he could decide on anything, his neighbor spoke first.
“Am I keeping you awake?”
“No. I mean…yes, I guess? But I don’t mind. I always struggle switching back to a normal sleeping schedule back after a few night shifts. I should try to sleep but… yeah.”
“Yeah,” his neighbor echoed and for a moment, they were silent again.
“Don’t take this in a creepy way. But… has anyone ever told you that you have a very calming voice? I mean, I bet it would sound slightly different without the wall but… yeah, despite that it’s kinda soothing.”
Carlos couldn’t help the smile at that comment. There were a lot of things he could reply with. Like that this was what he often used as a cop to calm down scared people. But he didn’t because it would feel weird to mention that he was a cop after the guy had revealed his previous drug use. Not that he would (or could) do anything about it now, but it still felt weird to just casually let it drop.
Instead, he looked at the book next to him.
“I was about to start a new book. Would you like me to read it to you?”
“Are you serious? I mean, yes, totally, but… also… are you serious? Is it creepy if I say ‘yes, please’?”
“No creepier than me offering,” Carlos replied smoothly, picking the book back up.
“Well then, kind stranger. I’m all ears.”
He wanted to make sure that his neighbor truly lay down but it wasn’t his place to say so. So instead he just opened the book to the very first page again and began to read out loud.
two
The first time TK saw Officer Reyes at a scene, it was a mess. It was raining so hard they could hardly see and TK needed to fully concentrate on every step. The way his luck ran, he would slip and break a leg. And wouldn’t that make a great impression… not only on his first day back on duty but also the first shift of the new 126. Which, apparently, was such a big deal that news vans pulled up to the scene. Well then.
Thankfully, he missed the guy introducing himself to his father. He did not need a first name to go with such a pretty face… even though he kept trying to come up with a way to innocently ask his dad about it. Though without a doubt, his dad would more than likely catch on right away and that was the last thing he needed right now.
No, actually, the last thing he truly needed was temptation taking the form of Officer Reyes. TK had no desire in meeting anyone new, his life was complicated enough already and he promised himself to stay away from any kind of temptation. Knowing how easily he typically gave away his heart and ended up with it broken, a handsome stranger was the last thing he needed while working to get his life back together after the last guy with a handsome face left it in shreds.
Therefore, TK was almost thankful when the scene turned even messier and demanded everyone’s full attention – even when the result was finding a baby in a tree. While they watched their captain do the rescue, the officer ended up next to TK and briefly, he wondered if something had pulled them towards each other. He quickly shook the thought away and the moment the baby was safe, TK hastened for his own safe haven. Meaning, he put a good amount of distance between them. And he knew he had to be careful from now on because this officer seemed exactly his type. They hadn’t shared a single word but still, TK could already tell.
The fact alone that he recognized how attractive the guy was… well, one would have to be blind not to realize that but TK still took it as a warning sign. Since Alex… since that night a few weeks ago, TK hadn’t even so much as looked at anyone else. And while a voice inside him – which sounded suspiciously like his mom’s – told him this was a good sign, that it showed he was healing and ready to leave his past behind, maybe even to move on, another voice was screaming loudly at him. Yes, maybe he was ready to move on and get at least some rebound sex to get Alex out of his system… But that screaming voice told him that Officer Reyes was no rebound.
Officer Reyes would be dangerous for him and for his heart.
And that was exactly why he stayed away from the man, not sharing even a single word. Not at this scene… and not at many shared scenes to come.
three
“Are you there?”
The question came out of the blue, somewhat, but Carlos still put the magazine down and turned his face closer to the wall he was sitting up against.
“I am, hey.”
“Is this weird?”
“What? Talking through the wall?”
“Well… yeah. No. I mean… me asking if you’re there.”
Carlos gave it some thought, putting his magazine aside for real. “Maybe? But probably not weirder than a lot of other things we see on a daily basis?”
“How do you know I see a lot of weird stuff?”
“Good question,” Carlos replied with a slight nod to himself. “A hunch, I guess? You don’t strike me as the kind of guy that would sit in an office from nine to five.”
“And even that can turn crazy, believe me.”
“Oh, I certainly know,” Carlos agreed, remembering the mercury case they had just the other day. The new firehouse working the scene seemed like a good fit, and maybe Carlos had been a bit too focused on one of the firefighters – but that didn’t mean he hadn’t taken in all the craziness that had happened in that office.
“So not weird then?” the voice came again. “You’re not gonna decide to call the cops on me for being a psychotic neighbor?”
Carlos chuckled, his eyes momentarily wandering to his safe, which held his service weapon, his badge lying on top of it. “No, don’t worry. I think I can handle you.”
There came a little laugh from the other side, which was certainly a good sign. The nights that his neighbor had cried himself to sleep became fewer and fewer. They’d talked on some of those nights, but their random conversations usually started because they’d already heard the other one was there. They hadn’t asked for each other before.
“Do you think this is strange?” Carlos asked, realizing that the guy might have asked for a specific reason. Then again, he’d been the one to speak up, so…
“No, I guess not. You’re right, my job shows me craziness almost daily, so… no. It’s rather… it’s kind of…”
Carlos waited for him to continue, but when no more sound came, he prompted him. “It’s rather what?”
“It’s kind of therapeutic.”
Carlos’ eyes went wide for a brief moment and he stared at the wall as if he would be able to see his neighbor. “Okay? Go on?”
“It’s… I mean…”
There was a sigh, loud enough for Carlos to hear it, and some movement. When he spoke again, there was a shift in the guy’s voice and Carlos wasn’t entirely sure if it was because of the confession or simply because he had changed position.
“Okay, so, full disclosure. I should be in therapy, for various reasons. But I haven’t found one yet that I fully click with. Do you know how draining it is to have the same opening conversation over and over again, only to realize that the therapist just doesn’t get you?” He didn’t wait for an answer before he added, “It’s fucking exhausting. They always seem to already know everything about me, just from my files. They have made up their opinion on how to treat me and… it’s just not… it’s not right, you know? It doesn’t feel right. But I know I need it or I will go crazy. Possibly do some stupid shit.”
“And talking to me helps?”
“More than I can even put into words. And we’re not even talking about my crazy job like I might do with a therapist. We just talk and it’s just so… it’s soothing and comforting. I don’t know, the fact alone that I don’t know what you look like? And that you agreed to my stupid plea of staying anonymous–”
“Hey, it’s not a stupid plea,” Carlos interjected. “Our first… well… meeting for lack of a better word, was certainly less than ideal. I can understand why you wouldn’t want to shake hands the next morning.”
“Shake hands? Does anyone even still do that?”
The quip pulled a surprised laugh out of Carlos and he rested his head against the wall, closing his eyes. “You know what I mean, doofus.”
“Doofus? What are we, five?”
If it hadn’t been for the laugh mingling with those words, Carlos might’ve been offended. As it was, he merely grinned.
“Anyone ever told you that you’re a little shit?”
“Only all the time,” his neighbor quipped back, making them both laugh.
It felt good, laughing with the man like this. It felt nice, and the more they talked, the easier it seemed. Despite the heavy topics they sometimes talked about – always vaguely and without giving away anything about their jobs for real – Carlos had quickly realized that he liked talking to his neighbor. Conversation usually came easily, with almost no awkward pauses or wondering how to filter their words. The guy was right, talking in such an anonymous way really was liberating somehow.
After a while of silence, Carlos remembered how tonight’s conversation had started.
“Did you need anything? Since you asked if I was there.”
“Oh, uhm. Not really, just…”
This had quickly become a familiar thing. His neighbor would start his answer, only to pause and truly think about the rest of his reply. And Carlos never pushed, only sometimes helped along if it felt like the guy was struggling. But he had a feeling that the man was opening up to him in ways he hardly did to anyone else. Now that he knew that the man was treating their midnight talks a bit like therapy sessions that absolutely made sense. But despite that, it still stirred something inside of him. A warm feeling, knowing that he had become someone special to a man he no longer considered a stranger. He’d become that man’s safe haven and the thought made him smile for real.
“Did I even tell you that I relapsed the night my ex broke my heart?”
Immediately, there was a dark pit inside of Carlos’ stomach. He tried to stay calm but part of him wanted to go find that ex. It was a part that was, on one hand, quite familiar – he’d always been a protector – but also completely new on the other because this guy was still a stranger, no matter what. The intense longing to protect and even avenge the man… it shocked Carlos. And if nothing else, it showed him that his heart obviously didn’t consider him a stranger anymore.
“No, you never said that,” he finally replied, thankful that he was able to keep his voice neutral. “I mean… you’ve talked of ‘relapses’ but it sounded like they were further in the past.”
“They were… until that night. I had been sober for years but… I’m not saying it’s my ex’s fault, the decision was all mine, obviously. But what he did and the way he told me was still the reason I did it. And I accidentally OD’d. That’s the real reason my dad got me out of New York.”
“Makes sense,” Carlos replied, trying to figure out why his neighbor had chosen to tell him now.
“I’ve been sober again since then but… it’s hard sometimes, you know.”
“I can only imagine,” Carlos told him honestly, not even pretending to know how he felt. “I admit, I have seen my fair share of addicts in my line of work, but that still doesn’t make me an expert on the topic.”
“See, and now I’m curious again what you do for work.”
Carlos chuckled softly, letting his head drop against the wall as he closed his eyes. The long shift was slowly catching up with him. “I could always tell you if you want.”
There was a moment of silence, one that told him his neighbor was truly thinking about his offer and not just brushing it aside. “Will you think me overly dramatic if I say no?”
This time, Carlos chuckled a bit louder and shook his head. “No, I get it. And if it means you feel comfortable enough to keep talking to me like this, it’s definitely worth it.”
“You’re not a priest or something, right?”
The laughter that broke out of Carlos surprised even himself. “What?” he asked, laughing some more.
“I don’t know, you’re just so… you’re so kind and understanding and you’re really good at listening, and– and God, your laughter is actually really cute, it’s a bit distracting.”
“Did you just tell a guy you think might be a priest that he has a cute and distracting laugh?”
“Maybe…”
Carlos chuckled some more but then finally replied, “No, I’m not a priest, don’t worry.”
“So… no vow of chastity?”
He could feel his heart jump up into his throat, and for just a second, he saw green eyes and a wide smile in his mind’s eyes, before he was pulled back to the present and his neighbor’s cheeky question that… yeah, that might’ve been a bit flirty.
“No,” he finally replied with a slight grin. “Definitely no vow of chastity…”
“Good to know.”
Trying not to read too much into this, Carlos shook his head before resting it against the wall again. “I feel like you’re deliberately getting off track here.”
“Well, just a little detour,” his neighbor admitted before his voice turned a notch more serious again. “But, yeah… this is actually exactly why I asked if you were there. Today was… today was one of those harder days and…”
“And you needed a distraction?” Carlos concluded when it stayed silent on the other side for a minute.
A soft, “Yeah,” confirmed his suspicion. “I’m sorry, I really don’t wanna burden you with this–”
“You’re not a burden,” Carlos made sure to let him know right away. The last thing he wanted was for his neighbor to think such negative thoughts.
“I’m just saying… I don’t want you to think that if you aren’t there to answer me once I would… fall off the wagon or something.”
“What would you’ve done if I weren’t here?” Carlos asked, honestly curious.
“Honestly? I hadn’t thought that far yet? I might’ve checked if there was a meeting somewhere in town.”
“And if there hadn’t been?”
There was a long pause and Carlos feared he’d pushed too far. After all, he didn’t know the man well enough yet to judge a situation such as this. Thankfully, when his neighbor replied, it didn’t sound angry or anything, just a little pensive.
“I like to think I would’ve eventually found a distraction. It wouldn’t have been easy, but… today wasn’t bad enough that I would’ve relapsed. It’s not like that. If it were, I couldn’t work the job that I do. It’s just… easier to forget everything going on when I talk to you. It’s easier to feel normal and carefree.”
“I’m really glad I can give you such a safe feeling,” Carlos replied earnestly. “It makes me feel good in return, you know? I enjoy talking to you and… I like being the one you reach for when you need help.”
“Yeah? So you don’t think it’s weird?”
“If it is, then we’re both weird. Because I’m a person that likes to protect people in general, so being there for you… it really makes me feel good. So I guess we could just not question it?”
“I like that idea,” his neighbor agreed and Carlos could hear the smile in his voice.
Feeling himself growing more and more tired by the second, Carlos still looked over to the book he… well, they had been reading the past few nights. “You in the mood for our bedtime story?”
His neighbor chuckled and in the midst of his sleepy mind, Carlos could admit to himself that he found that chuckle incredibly sexy.
“I am, but you sound like you’re seconds away from drifting off to sleep. It’s okay, I don’t mind. Go to bed.”
“But–”
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m all settled down in bed now as well. Lay down, shut off your lights, and close your eyes.”
“I kinda don’t wanna leave you alone.”
Over the silence that followed, Carlos could hear the bed on the other side squeak, indicating that his neighbor was settling down.
“You’re not,” he finally spoke. “I know you’re right there and that you would probably wake if I called for you.”
“Most likely,” Carlos replied, mostly from experience. He had lost count of the times he’d woken up because his previous neighbor had been too loud.
“How about this time I’ll tell you a bedtime story instead?”
The question came unexpectedly but it had Carlos smile instantly. “I’m intrigued. What’s it about?”
“Only if you settle down and promise to try and sleep.”
“Fine,” Carlos caved and did as he was told – but not without fondly rolling his eyes. The moment the light was out and he was settled in bed, he said, “All done. So, what’s the story about?”
“Alright,” came the excited voice through the wall. “This story is about a honey bee and how important this little dude is for our world–”
“I thought all honey bees are female,” Carlos threw in, his voice already a bit slurry with sleep, and a soft smile edged to his lips.
“Hey, extra points to you for knowing that,” his neighbor replied, and in his mind’s eye, Carlos saw a giddy grin spread over the vague shapes of a face he’d yet to see. He pushed that thought aside and listened to the charming voice instead. “Anyway, our little dudette –” Carlos couldn’t help but snort in amusement “– is absolutely fascinating. Did you know that honey bees never sleep? And still, one tiny bee spends its whole life producing the equivalent of only half a teaspoon of honey. Oh, and…”
That night, Carlos fell asleep with a huge smile on his lips, listening to his dorky neighbor’s warm voice as he was telling him all kinds of fun facts about honey bees. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept that well.
four
Three weeks in, TK didn’t know anymore if this was a strange game of flirting with just their eyes or pure madness. Every time he was on a call that involved Austin PD, he would look around. Search for a certain set of strong shoulders, for warm, brown eyes, for a jawline that could cut glass. Not to speak of hips that were so sinful they were to die for.
God, he definitely needed to get laid again.
But the thing was… he kept an eye out for Officer Reyes – Carlos, as he had heard co-workers call him once or twice – for one simple reason; so he could evade him. He was probably stupid and paranoid, and most likely reading far too much into the handful of times their eyes connected. But TK couldn’t be too careful. He couldn’t risk interacting with the man because the second it happened, he would probably rip that way too tight uniform off and jump the man right then and there.
Though, strangely enough, that desire became more and more manageable the closer he grew to his neighbor.
His faceless, kind, and probably unfairly sexy neighbor. Who had a voice that was to die for and had TK feeling all kinds of things. He was definitely pathetic – but he had to admit to himself that even more than Officer Reyes’ hips and ass, he was falling for the voice of a complete stranger.
Well, okay, maybe not a complete stranger anymore and definitely not just his voice. After all, they had been talking endless hours for weeks now, so TK felt like he knew Mr Honeyed Voice better than so many people he met daily. Certainly more than he had known half his friends back in New York. The only thing he didn’t know was what he looked like. Oh, and his name but… yeah, those were minor details, right? The important thing was that he always felt safe with the man and like he could tell him anything without being judged. Actually, that’s exactly what he was doing. He’d opened up to him far deeper than even some of his therapists and that was saying a lot.
And still… Despite his growing feelings for a voice and heart, there was definitely still the enticing allure of a very real, very visible, and very, very sexy man right in front of him.
As TK watched Officer Reyes talk to one of the victims of a car crash – at a safe distance, the noise around them drowning out the officer’s voice completely – he had to truly ask himself if his neighbor was as much to blame that TK hadn’t exchanged a single word with Carlos yet as his own fear of getting hurt again. Did TK… did he even want to get to know the officer when he was slowly falling for the man living right next to him?
And, oh God. The thought caught TK by surprise. He hadn’t even realized that he was falling for his neighbor, that wasn’t his plan, that wasn’t in the cards. He had been so damn careful to not let himself get tempted by what was right in front of his eyes while completely missing that his heart had opened up at a completely different place.
Maybe he should talk to Officer McSexy after all, make sure to get a date and some hot sex. Get it out of his system.
TK shook his head. No, he shouldn’t even think like that.
But when Carlos looked up and caught his gaze, a slight smile forming on his lips, TK could feel his knees go weak. And it wasn’t the thought of his broken heart that kept him from just going over there and asking the man out.
No, It was the thought of his neighbor and the longing to ask him out just as badly…
five
Carlos was in deep trouble. Deep, deep trouble. Because Carlos was definitely falling for someone.
Two someones, to be perfectly honest. And the crazy thing was, it was for two completely different reasons.
There was his neighbor who he had been talking to for a good month now, always through the walls, never exchanging names. Sometimes it was harmless stuff, like events that had happened around the city or what to expect of Austin in the summer times. Sometimes it was stuff that weighed on their minds – the first time their roles had been reversed and Carlos had been able to unload on his neighbor, he had for real understood how freeing it was to talk to a faceless person. The way he’d been able to talk about his issues with his parents, their somewhat strained relationship that was simply brushed under the rug in favor of being a happy family… yes, it had truly been freeing. Especially since there had been absolutely no judgment from his new friend. The man hadn’t offered shallow advice; he’d simply listened and assured Carlos that he wasn’t a bad person and that he deserved to go at his own pace. And if there was any man who didn’t understand that, then that man obviously wasn’t the one for Carlos. It made Carlos feel lighter than he had in years when he thought about his parents.
Aside from those conversation topics, sometimes their conversations took on a flirty edge. It was never very much, never went into porn-worthy dirty territory. But there was certainly something there and the more he learned about the man, the more he had to admit that he wouldn’t even care what the guy looked like.
He was falling for his heart and his soul and his voice.
But then there was the complete opposite.
TK Strand. Who he had yet to interact with, let alone talk to – but who’d already woven a spell around him. The man was a ten and certainly a poster boy for why men in uniform were a wet dream for so many people. In a way, Carlos hated himself for how he was objectifying the guy but he was only human… and certainly not a priest.
For some weird reason, he hadn’t had a chance yet to speak with him, their paths never crossed outside of work even though he’d seen some of the new 126 hang out at the local honky tonk sometimes. But TK was never around. And when they saw each other on calls, they were both usually fully focused and most of the time on opposite sides of the scene. That, or TK was purposefully avoiding him, he swayed back and forth between the two theories. He’d only heard him speak a handful of times, mostly just answering commands with a simple yes. There was one memorable time when he’d heard him speak right after TK had inhaled smoke, his voice raspy when he had reassured the paramedic on scene that the smoke inhalation was the extent of his injuries; given how raspy his voice had sounded, Carlos was sure it wasn’t really what it sounded like.
It had taken a moment for Carlos to realize why he was so fixated on the fact that he hadn’t heard TK speak for real yet – it was the fact that he had fallen for his neighbor simply through the sound of his voice; but for TK, he was merely falling by watching the man exist; doing the work he loved, by saving lives and risking his own and caring for the world.
And now and then, catching Carlos’ gaze and staring right back at him.
The situations were such polar opposites that it sometimes jumbled Carlos’ mind. He couldn’t make sense of it, couldn’t believe he was in such a dilemma.
He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard a loud crash.
Hearing his neighbor cry had become a rare occasion by now – and Carlos certainly didn’t expect to hear something shatter and break on the other side of his bedroom wall. Instantly, he was on high alert.
“Hey, you okay?”
There was a long moment of silence, one in which Carlos held his breath, already mentally preparing himself in case he needed to break down his neighbor’s door – when the voice he’d been falling for these past few weeks finally spoke up.
“Yeah, peachy.”
It sounded so strained and full of anger and pain, Carlos feared the worst.
“Talk to me? Do you need me to come over? Or call someone for you?”
Instead of a reply, there was a loud thud and the squeaking of bedsprings, letting Carlos know that his neighbor had most likely dropped onto his bed. Putting the laundry basket back down, Carlos settled on his own bed, patiently waiting.
“I’m… fine. Physically at least,” came the voice after an agonizingly long pause.
When nothing else followed, Carlos prodded gently. “And mentally?”
Another silent minute passed, until… “My dad has cancer.”
Carlos had to close his eyes against the agony these words brought. Their long talks over the past few weeks had been enough to show Carlos just how much his neighbor loved his own father. How he almost idolized him. He still didn’t know what his neighbor did for a living – part of them wanting to keep their silly little charade of staying anonymous – but he knew he worked with his dad. He knew what the man meant to him.
“I’m so sorry,” he finally whispered, and it once again seemed as if a dam had broken.
“And I’m so mad at him right now! He kept this from me even though he knew! He has known for months, can you believe that? He knew before we left New York, he knew before he packed up our lives and dragged me down here. And the worst thing is, he doesn’t even think about slowing down! He had been in chemo this whole freaking time, while still working! It’s not like we have an office job, our work is physically demanding – and he still did it. He even still worked out and– oh, my God!”
“What?” Carlos asked when the tenor of his neighbor’s voice changed.
“That– that bastard! He must’ve told one of our coworkers. Weeks before me. The other day, he wasn’t able to lift his usual 225 pounds. Like, I’m telling you, that’s usually nothing, he benches that in his sleep. And guess what, the other guy from our team covered for him. And, Jesus! He also did it a while back when my dad pretended not to be hungry. He couldn’t come up with a name for a food place where he’d supposedly eaten, and again, the other guy covered his back. Can you believe this? He hasn’t just kept this from me, he’s been actively lying this whole damn time.”
Carlos truly tried to stay focused on the important things here – but he still filed away some of the information given. He knew his neighbor was working with a team of people but he didn’t know they were going to the gym together or having meals as a group. Putting that info away for a later date, Carlos focused back on what to say.
“So… why did he tell you now?” he dared to ask – and in the next second wished he hadn’t. The bedsprings in the other room were squeaking in protest and right away, Carlos could hear footsteps, the guy clearly pacing his bedroom.
“He didn’t! I found a bottle of pills in his desk by chance and I googled the name and it was something against nausea during treatment. I confronted him and he confessed.”
“Did he say anything about why he kept it from you?”
There was a loud scoff. “Yeah, he says it’s because he was scared. That me knowing would make it too real.”
“Well, that… that sounds–”
“Like the next lie! It’s obvious that he just couldn’t trust me not to run to the next dark corner and score some pills.”
Carlos bit his lip, debating if he should say these next words… but then again, in the weeks of their acquaintanceship, they had never shied away from speaking openly.
“And could he have trusted you?”
“Yes.”
The cry came immediately, like a knee-jerk reaction, right before it fell silent. Eerily silent. Carlos was about to apologize when–
“I don’t know.”
That admission was barely more than a whisper through the wall, hard for Carlos to catch but still just so audible. A second later, the bedsprings squeaked again, accompanied by a long sigh. When there was nothing but silence, Carlos spoke again, still trying to stay calm, even though there was a spark of fear prickling under his skin.
“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but… can he trust you now?”
“Are you asking me if I have drugs on me right now?”
Carlos closed his eyes, taking a shaky breath. His neighbor’s question was an odd mix of accusation and dejection – as if he tried to sound mad but was actually more hurt by Carlos asking him that. But he still needed to know.
“As much as I wish I could be sure that’s not the case – as much as I want to trust that it’s not the case… can you really blame me? We hardly know each other, as much as I wish we did. As much as I consider you my friend already.”
And despite the fact how hard I’m falling for you, a traitorous voice whispered in his head. Carlos had to bite his tongue to not say it out loud before he could go on.
“Besides, it’s not an accusation. I’m just… I’m worried for you, okay?”
“And what if I told you I scored some pills?”
Carlos took a sharp breath, clenching his fist to not jump up and react headlessly. He was a cop, God damnit. He could tell when someone was simply trying to bait him.
“Then I would kick down your door and make damn sure you don’t do something stupid.”
There was another stretch of silence – one in which Carlos wished he could truly go and kick down that door, just so he could wrap his friend into a hug and protect him from all the hurt this world was throwing at him.
When his neighbor spoke again, his voice was small, and Carlos knew he was crying even though he tried to hide it. “No, there are no pills here. My dad needs me now, I can’t– I can’t just–”
“I get it,” Carlos softly interrupted. “Sorry I had to ask.”
“No,” his neighbor replied, sniffling a bit. “No, thank you, actually. It– it feels kinda good. To know there’s someone else around who cares that isn’t my parents.”
“I do care,” Carlos half whispered back as he pressed against the wall, knowing it would still be loud enough to be heard on the other side. “I– I care about you.”
He swallowed hard, knowing that this came terribly close to confessing feelings he still wasn’t sure what to truly make of. How could one fall for someone by just talking to them? By listening to their voice, their stories and thoughts, their heartache and laughter? How? Carlos still didn’t know – but he knew that this was what was happening here. Still, he hoped his neighbor didn’t grasp the depth of his confession.
“Me too,” came the silent reply. “About you, I mean. I care about you too. Maybe that’s crazy because we’ve never even met but… yeah.”
“Yeah,” Carlos simply agreed, lapsing into a comfortable silence.
They were quiet like that for a little while, Carlos listening as his neighbor got settled on his bed. When he spoke again, his voice thankfully sounded calmer again.
“Will you read to me again?”
A smile pulled on Carlos’ lips as his heart swelled and he reached for their book. This had become such a sweet routine between them. So simple, so innocent – and yet so deep and intimate in a way. It was just reading or telling each other stories – bedtime stories, as his neighbor loved to jokingly call them. It wasn’t all that much. But to Carlos, it meant a lot.
“Alright,” Carlos spoke up, settling more comfortably into his bed as well. “Where were we…”
