Chapter Text
Reyn paced circles outside the Weapons Development Lab. He hadn’t felt this way since, what, yesterday? Or whenever it was that ol’ Square-tache had his last blow-up. Yeah, that was yesterday, walking in to Square-tache screaming as usual and knowing it wouldn’t be long until his ire was directed towards Reyn. Somewhere in the midst of all that, he spared a few thoughts to tomorrow—today, now it was, and—
Almost made him laugh. It wasn’t Square-tache he was dealing with today, so what was he so nervous for? It was Shulk.
…ah, yeah. That’s what he was so nervous for. It was Shulk.
Shulk locking himself in the Lab wasn’t anything new. Feeling like you were pulling teeth just trying to get him to talk was new. Getting kicked out of the lab? Not new. Him not even bothering to look at you as he demanded you leave? Reyn didn’t like his attitude, but it made sense, considering. Doing all that for a girl only to break up not even a year after you started dating? Reyn knew exactly how rough it had been for both Shulk and Fiora, but Shulk was taking it like… like if Reyn said one wrong word to Shulk, all of Colony 9 was gonna blow.
Dunban had offered to accompany Reyn—as emotional support, he supposed, but he could tell even Dunban was feeling nervous. Was it because he didn’t trust himself around Shulk? Dunban couldn’t have been taking the breakup well, either, what with him being Shulk and Fiora’s number one cheerleader. Did Dunban feel disappointed in Shulk? Did he think Shulk had failed Fiora? Even though the breakup was Fiora’s idea. What would Dunban think if he found out Reyn did nothing to stop her? Reyn wasn’t trying to sabotage them. Of course he wanted them to have a happy ending. Those were his best friends! He’d put his life at risk just to help Shulk get her back! He had a ponio in this race; but he could tell something was off, that both of them were uncomfortable about something. Then Fiora laid it out to him in private: the expectations of Colony 9 were crushing them, Fiora was sick and tired of only being seen as Shulk’s girlfriend, and, truth be told? She wasn’t who Shulk needed right now.
Shulk entered that relationship with lofty ideas, thinking everything was gonna be fine now that he could finally be with Fiora. Made Reyn a little nervous, but he was hoping Shulk would grow out of it. According to Fiora? Nope. He just kept digging in. Wouldn’t face reality. “Because reality would hit him like a sack of bricks once he realized it was there,” she had said.
Yeah: the reality of what he had done and the impact it had on the world. The magnitude of who he was to the world. He didn’t carry the war hero thing as well as Dunban did, and war hero was the very least that Shulk was. Being responsible for the whole world changing might weigh a little heavy even on someone like Shulk, who otherwise didn’t care much about what people thought of him.
Reyn noticed that Shulk had been escaping into his relationship with Fiora, so long as there wasn’t some new interest or adventure to distract him. It didn’t occur to him that Fiora was left to face the brunt of people’s expectations, of never having an identity of her own. Shulk’s solution to this reality was to suggest that maybe they should move away. He never wanted to deal with anything. That was the problem.
Eventually, Fiora had enough.
“I love him, Reyn, I really do,” she had said, “but as long as I’m there to serve as a distraction, he’s never going to face reality. And I can’t make him face it. I just. I don’t know what to do!”
Reyn had been torn up about it, too. He didn’t like seeing Fiora so upset. But he agreed maybe taking a break was for the best.
“Reyn, are you ready?”
Dunban’s voice brought Reyn back to the present—and stopped his circling. With a nod, Reyn said, “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
Even though it had been two years, it still felt odd walking in here without the Monado front and center. Shulk had replaced it with various weapons, even the replica Monados he worked on, but it was never the same.
Now during their journey through the old world, Reyn had seen things he never once would have imagined. Little bunnivs who could pulverize a man in a single blow. Shulk, nose buried in his work, reminded him of that now. Familiar sight. Harmless, even, but the aura was deadly. Reyn could sense not even Dunban wanted to disturb that “peace”. As long as Shulk didn’t know they were there, he wouldn’t blow up at them. So everything would be good, right?
“Do you need something?”
Reyn had to hold back a groan.
“We were simply checking on you,” said Dunban, sounding calm, collected, like the natural born leader he was.
“I see,” Shulk said. Almost mechanically, he stopped what he was doing and looked at them with a dull expression. “I’m fine.”
Everyone in this room knew that was a crock of shit—even Shulk, though he was the one who said it, but he looked at the other two as if he was daring them to call his bluff. And when they didn’t, he asked, “Is that not what you wanted to hear?”
Reyn and Dunban stood in silence.
Shulk turned back towards his work. “I don’t need your pity.”
“We ain’t here to give you pity,” Reyn replied. “It’s like Dunban said: we’re just here to check on you.”
“And why else would you want to check on me if not out of pity?”
“Because we’re your friends,” said Dunban.
“I just want to be left alone.”
“That’s all well and good, but we know you. We know if left to your own devices you’ll sit here alone for eternity.”
“And we ain’t lettin’ that happen,” said Reyn.
“Maybe it would be for the best,” Shulk murmured.
“I disagree,” said Dunban. “Shulk, perhaps you ought to take a walk outside. Get some fresh air.”
Shulk looked up from his work to the wall ahead. “Dickson used to say that all the time.”
Reyn inwardly recoiled. Shulk basically didn’t have a home because of Dickson, because he was avoiding the home he did share with him. He’d been doing that for a year with no sign of letting up, sleeping different rooms every night. “Come on, Shulk,” Reyn said—and quickly moved out of the way as Shulk rose to his feet.
“I’ll go outside. Sure. Are you going to follow me?” Shulk looked at them both with a dead-eyed expression.
“Do you want company?” asked Dunban.
Shulk paused, thought. Replied, “No.”
“Very well,” Dunban said. “We respect your decision.”
Shulk left without a word.
After a long pause, they both let out a breath, and said nothing.
Reyn really wanted to go out and keep Shulk company, but… He had to respect Shulk’s wishes. If Shulk wanted to be left alone then he wanted to be left alone. Be happy he even obliged Dunban’s suggestion to go outside. Reyn just hoped Shulk wouldn’t do anything stupid while he was out there. He was still in Colony 9, so no way that would happen, right?
Before everything had gone wrong, he liked being out here. He’d camp out at the stall of a vendor he knew wouldn’t be chatty and let the ambiance of a peaceful Commercial District carry him through his studies. He wasn’t a people watcher or really that much of a people person, but Dickson… Dickson…
Dickson was dead. He killed him, and everything was going wrong well before that happened. As much as he feigned bewilderment over the breakup, it was clear to him that he’d been seeking normalcy in the the arms of the one he loved before the earth shattered. With her, he could pretend that things were as they used to be. Colony 9 was still Colony 9, regardless the new faces and races, and he was still an inquisitive young man working at the Weapons Development Lab instead of being… Shulk. Shulk the hero, Shulk the young man carrying the entire world’s expectations and hopes on his shoulders.
He had just turned twenty.
Now, when he was in the Commercial District alone, he could feel all the stares, the crushing weight of the silent questions about what went wrong, how could they break up, what’s his problem? He was given space not out of respect but of disappointment and distaste. His attitude was “rancid”. All he ever wanted to do was avenge Fiora. He never wanted to become a hero. He wasn’t built to be a leader. He did not want to be scrutinized, but scrutinized he was—and with him, his relationship. Fiora had been the only one living in reality, and now he was forced to face it himself.
Had even his defeat of Zanza been done out of desperation to return to normalcy? With no god to decide his fate, he could go back to the lazy days of quietly studying in Colony 9, of acting as if scraps of metal were toys, not remnants of war. Reclaiming Alcamoth wasn’t for Melia’s sake, it was just another fun adventure. Fiora had that figured out. She was so perceptive. He loved her. He did love her. He wanted to make her happy, but he had failed her just by “being” with her. Because he had never been “with” her. He’d only been with his fantasy.
He didn’t enjoy being out here at all. He didn’t enjoy being anywhere, not as long as he was still Shulk. He slowed his gait to glance over his shoulder, checking if anyone would be impeded by a sudden halt. There wasn’t, of course. His gloomy attitude afforded him that space. Should he return to the Weapons Development Lab? Perhaps Dunban and Reyn had left. He could be alone again and working. That was better than being out here and—
“Eh?”
He turned round to face a Nopon merchant’s stall. Something in it had caught his attention. Something red—and familiar. Something that should have been attached to a person.
It had been two years since they defeated Zanza, two years since he’d last seen the Monado, and no hint of him anywhere: only memories of the brief time they spent together. Memories of his encouragement, of his guidance, which he could sorely use now. Where had the Monado gone? Why had he left?
“Friend interested in cursed crystal?”
The Nopon’s voice jolted him out of his thoughts. Shulk widened his eyes—then felt a repulsive flash of indignation overcome him. “Cursed?” he spat. “How is it cursed?”
“Nothing but bad things happen since find crystal in mountain,” the Nopon replied. “Things go missing, or look strange. Reality twist on self! Legend say, ‘find all pieces of Holy Grail, then find happiness’. THAT IS LIE! NOT HAPPY WITH CRYSTAL! But friend can have crystal for extremely reduced price.”
“You stole this crystal but still want money? How very pathetic.” Shulk let those words seethe from his mouth as he searched for the money needed, telling himself his tone was just… Bad habit. He no longer harbored that man’s spirit, but he had taught him wrath. He couldn’t just shake that off. It didn’t help that he’d been growing his hair out and that he looked… If the Monado was still around then maybe he’d have intervened just then. Reminded him of his better habits. Maybe the Monado could do that for him again if he got his hands on that crystal.
The Nopon accepted Shulk’s payment. “Friend say ‘pathetic’, but still buy! Even though it cursed! Who pathetic here?”
But the Nopon wasn’t talking to anyone. Shulk had already taken the crystal and left.
Shulk hadn’t realized how hard he ran until he found himself in Outlook Park, breathing heavily, hand aching from how tightly it gripped the crystal. He had run as soon as the Nopon gave him the pendant, to get someplace where he could think clearly. He staggered towards and collapsed on a nearby bench, eyes gazing, unfocused, at the scenery ahead. Outlook Park was still a place of repose for him. He couldn’t process what he felt about having this crystal around people who were scrutinizing his every move. He had space to think clearly here.
The Monado wore this crystal as a pendant on his choker. Shulk remembered staring at it: not only was the cut odd, but the pendant itself didn’t seem to move. It was hard to get a good look at that due to propriety. He found himself wondering about the necklace’s significance. Did it belong to his family? Was it a sign of status? Was it really affixed to his chest…?
He had so many questions about the Monado. Only one of them—who he was—had been answered, and even that invited more questions. He wanted to know more about where the Monado had come from. He wanted to know more about the Monado’s past. He just wanted to know more about the Monado, to understand him, maybe even to pick him apart and see what he was made of.
The Monado’s guidance had been a great help during his journey. Without him, he wasn’t even sure he would still be alive. On the verge of giving up, the Monado had appeared with words of encouragement and wisdom. the Monado had always appeared just when Shulk needed him the most. Now Shulk was lost again, and his guiding light was no where to be seen. Why wasn’t he here? Why was it only his—
He looked at his hand, blinked. Was this even the Monado’s pendant? This crystal was the same shape, but it was larger and lacked the gold lining; red, but had an orange glow, a white (not green?) star shining at its core. Had he just seen this and ran out of Colony 9 like a madman? Just because the cut was the same didn’t mean the crystal was the same.
But he had a feeling it was his. Nothing concrete, just a feeling. Just a feeling. “Still chasing after distractions, aren’t you?” he asked himself.
He let his hands fall to his side, let his head slump, and sighed. The Monado wasn’t here. The Monado wasn’t going to be here. This pendant couldn’t summon him. It wasn’t an exorbitant amount of money he had spent on this pendant, but it was still money spent on nothing. And he’d run out of Colony 9 in front of everyone! What were they thinking now?
He started to laugh: at himself, at his stupid situation, at how he was so damn gullible to buy a crystal because he thought it reminded him of someone who was dead for all he knew! What a loser, what a fake, what—
“What’s wrong, Shulk?”