Chapter Text
“Oh, Ren-chan! Is that really you? It's been so long!"
Ren blinked before looking at the lady, having been lost in his thoughts just moments before. He certainly didn't expect to find Sato-san in front of the register today, but it was not the first time that someone from his past life recognized him... even though it had only been a year.
It felt longer than that.
But he gave her a small smile, one that had been used so many times already. Fake, that didn’t meet the energy his gray eyes had.
"Hello, Sato-san. I'm glad to see you've been keeping well."
He almost wanted to smack himself in the face for that, wearing a mask even when he had returned to his hometown. One expected that to be the contrary, but it was hard to forget that it was the same place that shunned him without second thoughts.
"My! I almost didn't recognize you with those glasses," she said, scanning the products he had placed before her: milk, rice, some vegetables, and eggs. "You sure have changed a lot; you even gained some muscle! Not the same skinny boy, uh?" Ren tried to laugh it off, taking out his wallet to pay and run from there as soon as he had the chance.
But then she said what all the other elderly in Inaba said, and he had to take a deep breath to avoid running his tongue wild.
"I heard they’ve dropped the charges. My, that man! I always knew our little Ren wouldn't do such a thing.”
Then why didn't you say anything was what crossed his mind, but he could never articulate it. As expected from this town, the news that his charges were dropped and everything was a mass fabrication from the almost Prime Minister Masayoshi Shido had already run their course and everyone and their mom were talking about it. Inaba was a small town, you were able to identify most people at least by their surname, and while that helped to create a great sense of community, it also meant that rumors could run rampant with nothing able to stop it. And his charges were all they could talk about for weeks one year ago. Nobody looked at him in the eyes, whispering every time they thought he wasn't listening.
But he couldn't voice any of that. Instead, he gave her a sugary sweet smile after paying and taking the bag with the groceries.
"Thank you, Sato-san. I better get going."
"Say hi to your parents for me!"
If they had arrived home earlier than expected, that is.
Getting out of the store, Ren wanted nothing more but to kick himself in the ass. It had been just a few days since he returned to Inaba, and it was almost as if he never left, any glimpse of rebellion in his soul dissipating. While in Japan it was expected for you to respect your elders, in his hometown that was taken to another level, though they would not doubt even once to scold you in return. He could have replied to any of them, to those who apparently had always believed in his innocence but never voiced anything last year, but that would only be detrimental to him in return. He had to last another year there, after all, if he wasn’t lucky in convincing his parents to let him finish his education in Tokyo.
He wondered if that was what Akechi did back then, put over the mask that the public expected him to wear, and his heart shrunk in his chest, breath taken away in a second.
Luckily, Morgana's scolds were there to bring him back.
"You took too long!" said the small cat inside the basket of his bike, and Ren gave him an apologetic smile.
"Sorry. Sato-san was there, and she wanted to chat," he explained, caressing his little head while doing his best to fit both the groceries and Morgana in the basket. He should have brought his backpack.
In the end, he could, though Morgana was still compressed between the basket and the milk. Usually, he would complain but instead, his blue eyes looked at Ren with worry.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah," he replied before getting on his bike, without looking at Morgana because he knew his friend would see through his lie.
It was hard to believe that just the prior year he found himself missing Inaba, too overwhelmed by the sounds, colors, and people of Tokyo. Now, traversing through the town on his bike, he felt the contrary. The complete silence that covered each street of the town gave him an uneasy feeling, as if something was about to go wrong, and more often than not he would rather spend his free time at Junes' food court, or walking in the shopping district.
In just a year, Tokyo became his Home.
But as much as he would love to return and finish his third year there, there were some ghosts that kept him from going back. Not yet at least. Not to mention his parents, as he still was under their care. Emancipation was an option he never considered until then.
Ren parked his bike in front of the house. The Amamiya residence was a small but modern Japanese house, with a small garden in the front that covered the stone steps towards the door. When he first returned, he stood in front of the door for at least an hour before gathering the courage to enter. It had become easier, though there was still a pressure in his chest every time he crossed the front door.
Morgana and he were the only two there now. His parents were in Okinawa visiting some relatives and would be away for the rest of the week. Ren dreaded the moment his parents came back.
While Ren went to the kitchen to unpack the groceries, Morgana stayed behind in the living room, looking curiously around. They really haven't talked, not about the current state of his relationship with his parents, because it was a Pandora's box that he did not want to open. At least he could see that his photos were back on the wall, and his mom left a note for him in which he called him RenRen and asked him to take care of the house.
He couldn't decide if that was for the better or worse.
A popping sound and a yowl before a heavy drop came from the living room, which almost made him drop the eggs, but his intact dexterity prevented that. Leaving the rest of the stuff on the counter, he went towards the sound, wondering what Morgana had stumbled down.
The music made him stop in his steps just at the entrance of the room.
A soft lullaby came from the music box over one of the shelves, filling the silence, a ballerina dancing slowly in circles. Morgana was on the floor, his back arched and ruffled fur as he hissed at the figure.
And for the first time, since Ren arrived at Inaba, he smiled with his heart, sweet memories running wild as the melody flooded his brain.
"That wasn't very stealthy of you," he teased as he picked up Morgana with one hand. The cat groaned.
"It popped off on its own! I just wanted to see what it was. I'm sure it wasn't there before."
"Is that so?" Ren hummed. With his free hand, he reached for the music box, gazing fondly at it. He certainly was surprised to see the little thing displayed for all to see in the living room, he was sure he had it in his room and would have taken it to Tokyo if he had had the time to pack it (or anything, for that matter). Maybe it was one of his mom's doing, another thing to show him that all was in the past.
Still carrying Morgana, he sat on the main couch and placed the music box in front of him. The music had stopped, so he turned a few more winds to the box and soon the ballerina was alive once again. His smile had not faded, and Morgana was quick to realize that.
"Ren?" he asked softly. Ren glanced at him and scratched behind his ears.
"This was a gift from my Nana," he explained. "It's my favorite lullaby, she would always sing it when I was little."
“I haven't heard it before." Ren shook his head.
“I believe it's not common. She called it The Clockwork Lullaby."
That was one of his favorite memories of her. She loved to cook, and every time little Ren entered the kitchen she would be there, humming the melody while preparing handmade noodles.
Lu li la, lu li la, can this lullaby
heal your heart, I wonder?
Carrying a song called Desire
and right now still dreaming.
Lu li la lu li la, this singing voice
is the clockwork lullaby
If you don’t turn me,
I’ll stop forever
The flower-like memories
And even the mud-like traumas
They continue to turn and melt
All of it inside of me
"That doesn't sound like a lullaby."
Ren blinked. He hadn't realized that he had begun humming the words he had heard time and time again. He chuckled, leaving Morgana at his side, and closing the music box. Silence filled the room once again, but it wasn't uncomfortable this time.
Morgana was right, though, the lyrics didn't sound like a normal lullaby. One time his grandma told him about the meaning of the song, a mysterious singer who was questioning the wishes and desires of humankind, and their doubts about how the song would be able to heal someone's heart. She then told him about a tradition that ran in Inaba, that ignited his curious child heart.
He looked at Morgana, sparkles in the gray eyes behind the glasses.
"Want to go to the beach?"
Shichiri Beach was not too far from Inaba. People his age would usually get there with a scooter, but Ren would be found dead before he wasted money on one of those things that ran at the same speed as his bicycle. It took him maybe twenty minutes to reach the beach, and Ren smiled brightly at the sight in front of him. When he reached the tender age of thirteen, his parents finally let him venture far from town, and the first stop on his list was the beach, unable to see the sea up until that point. He almost got his privilege revoked when he returned so late and his mom couldn't get ahold of him, but the beautiful seashells he was able to gather were enough to placate her anger.
Maybe he could bring the Phantom Thieves there, for their summer vacations. It wasn't a bad idea.
He parked his bike on the side of the road and took the backpack from the basket. It moved until Morgana was able to get his head out, gasping for air.
"Let's not do that ever again! I got motion sickness, it was gross!” Morgana was frowning (whatever frowning was considered for a cat) at the smirk that Ren gave him. With a shake of his head, he pointed at the sight in front of them, and Morgana's wide eyes grew even bigger. "Wow! It's so pretty!"
At its twilight, the sun reflected golden liquor over the surface of the ocean, and the breeze ruffled his raven curls. Morgana dropped down the bag and walked behind him as they got the steps down the staircase to the seashore. Ren left his shoes and socks on the last step before stepping on the sand, smiling at the coarse coldness against his skin.
"So, what is it that you were going to tell me?" Morgana asked, swagging his tail steadily.
"Right." Ren crouched next to him, searching for something inside his backpack. He pulled out two bottles with a cork each, a sheet of paper, and a black marker. "In Inaba there's this belief, that if you write one wish, put it inside a bottle, and let it drift at the sea, it is possible that your wish will become true."
"Do you really believe that?" He could feel Morgana's gaze as he judged him, and he just shrugged.
"Doesn't hurt to do it. So, what is your wish?"
Obviously, Morgana couldn’t be able to write on his own, so he wrote his wish for him. ‘I wish to eat a lot of sashimi this weekend’ was his, and Ren cut the piece of paper that had the wish written and put it inside one of the bottles. While Morgana did his best to drag the bottle to the sea to the best of his abilities, Ren remained seated, thinking about what he was going to write.
His grandma told him that he should be really careful about what he wished for. Although this was a tradition in their town and many would do it more than once, it was her belief that the first wish to make was the strongest, the one that would reach God.
But he wasn't sure what he wanted to wish for. Sure, he wished that August would come sooner, or to return to Tokyo, but the wish wouldn't make time go faster, or his parents more open to the idea. One could say that he had everything he wished for. Everything except…
His heart jumped to his throat as he felt the King chess figure in his pocket, always carrying it with him. He did have a wish, one that was impossible to make true and mattered more than everything else.
Morgana and the rest of their friends were really worried about him in that aspect. He still remembers vividly that day in February, after exchanging chocolates with everybody in school. Ann and he were sitting on the roof, she was complaining about the number of gifts and cards she received from her fans and sharing them with Ren. They then got into a comfortable silence, Ann gazing her eyes up to the sky while he was stuffing chocolate into his face.
"How do you feel about Akechi-kun?" she asked suddenly.
Ren’s mouth opened so wide that he almost dropped the piece he was munching on. He swallowed hard before attempting to answer.
"What do you mean?"
"Well," she looked back at him, worry in her eyes. "You haven't... talked about it, with any of us. We know you cared about him, and I think you haven't mourned him."
At that moment, Ren didn't know how to answer that. Of course he hadn’t talked about it, he didn't have the time to. Ever since that fateful moment in the Engine Room, life hadn't stopped throwing punches at them, but even then... what was there to say?
There was plenty.
In fact, he never stopped thinking about Akechi, not even when the world started to fall to their feet. Couldn't stop thinking about what Lavenza said, how they were pitied against each other due to a God with too much free time and a point to prove to Igor.
How his mask would slip up while around him, even at one point cussing because he had won in billiards and running to apologize because that had never happened before. But Ren smiled, because that meant he was getting comfortable with him.
How he would take refuge at Leblanc's after the public had turned his back on him, and they would spend the time talking politics and philosophy. One part of him, the logical, would deem it to Akechi already suspecting him and was just keeping tabs on what he was doing, but the other one, the sentimental fool inside of him, knew that it was because he felt safer there.
How he shared aspects of his life with him, and his past, when he didn't need to. Stuff he had never talked to another human, other than himself.
How doubtful he seemed the last few months. He remembered one time after Okumura died, he was sitting with a face that screamed guilt at Leblanc’s and did his best to hide it once he entered the café. And then...
He wished...
Ren was already screwing the cork in the bottle with his wish inside when Morgana came back, shaking his wet paws as he walked.
"That was hard, but I could do it!" he said proudly. When Ren glanced at the sea he could see Morgana's bottle near the shore, the sunlight beaming against the glass. That was as far as he could get it, it seemed. "Do you have yours ready?"
Ren nodded and walked towards the shore. The water was cold as it touched his feet, and the only sounds he could hear were the waves and his heartbeat inside his head. His knuckles grew white from how hard he was gripping the bottle. And after taking a deep breath, he threw the bottle as far as his arms could let him. The bottle landed with a splash and resurfaced quickly, only the neck visible. His wish slowly drifted away, the waves carrying it to whoever might read it.
And, right at that moment. something broke inside of him.
What started like a few drops to the sea, rivers of tears came down Ren’s cheeks. He heaved and then crouched, hiding his face between his knees as he sobbed. Ann was right, he hadn't grieved Akechi, not because he didn't have the time, but because if he did, then it became real. Akechi was dead, and he could do nothing about it.
He couldn't save the person he wished to save the most, and that ripped him from the inside out.
I wonder why we couldn't have met a few years earlier he had said that day, and Ren knew he meant every word.
"God," he breathed between sobs, tear after tear mixing with the sea. "I beg you... If I'm ever reborn in this world―"
"It would be nice to meet sooner, don't you think?"
Ren jerked his head up to the voice next to him. Nobody was there, but something in his heart told him...
He squeezed the chess figure in his pocket and smiled. A big grin adorned his face as he did his best to clean the remnants of the tears. When he got up, he noticed that Morgana had approached him, but said nothing. His ears could talk for him, down and worried.
"Ren..." he started. But Ren shook his head, his smile still there and sincere. He picked him up in his arms and started the walk upstairs as he hummed the lullaby.
"What if we order sushi tonight?"
"Oh, nice! Then my wish became true!" Ren grinned.
One day, hopefully, his will too.