Archive of Our Own

"You don't know what you're asking, Jon. The Night's Watch is a sworn brotherhood. We have no families. None of us will father sons. Our wife is duty. Our Mistress is honor."

"A bastard can have honor too," Jon said. "I am ready to swear your oath."

"You are a boy of sixteen," Benjen said. "Not a man, not yet. Until you have known a woman, you cannot understand what you would be giving up."

-

Jon was brooding again.

After the feast, he knew his uncle was going to speak with his father about his interest in The Night's Watch. He knew Catelyn would probably agree with him to send him away, but what his father would say, he couldn't know.

'Until I have known a woman,' Jon mused, that one statement from his uncle ringing in his head.

Would that make him a man? If he laid with a woman and still requested to be sent to The Wall, would his uncle and father allow it? After all, he would know what he was leaving behind if he did so. He did not wish to give up everything, but with the choices presented before him, The Wall seemed his best option to have some semblance of honor and fulfillment in his life.

Jon had wandered through the castle halls well past time it would be deemed appropriate if anyone knew. But he was good at hiding and none of the guards spotted him. But who would he lay with?

Besides his sisters, he did not speak often with girls or anyone of the opposite sex regularly at all. He had a few weeks to make his move, but it would be difficult.

He wouldn't dare go into town to a brothel, that would make his father look bad, and Theon did that enough for the both of them. Jon also would not look to any servants or ladies in the castle, he didn't wish to get caught.

So Jon spent the rest of the night pondering. He thought over his plan and uncle's words, as well as the words of the Imp when he spoke to him about being a bastard. He would find a way to get to the wall.

-

"I don't understand your infatuation with him," Sansa scoffed under her breath, making sure not to let the other girls and ladies in her presence know of her words to you.

"You wouldn't," you said just as softly, a sweet smile on your face to hide the sudden increased pace of your heart, "He is your brother, you wouldn't see it."

"He's a bastard," She hissed, smoothing her face quickly as Arya shot her a look.

As one of Sansa's ladies-in-waiting, you were in her company to watch the young men train for the day.

"He is," You agreed, "And he is very handsome." You grinned.

Robb, Theon, and Jon were to train with Prince Joffrey. The younger boys were there too, but they were much too cute in their protective gear to watch their woeful attempts at swordsmanship.

"I can see why you are infatuated with the Prince," You added, "He is very pretty, but he seems cruel. However, I do believe his station allows him that." You sighed. Every time you were in the redhead's presence, and Jon would so happen to also be in the room, you'd receive the same gripes and eye rolls if you stared for too long.

Sansa sniffed at you, her lips pursing as she looked away. She wouldn't ever understand.

You were on loan, basically, to the Stark family, as your situation was very much like Theon's. Your family supported the Greyjoy rebellion, and while Theon was taken hostage for his family's debt, you were taken from yours.

Sansa was three years younger than you, as you were the same age as Robb and Jon. Catelyn thought you to be a good influence on her fanciful daughter. You were sheltered during the rebellion, from the violence that is, and knew little of what truly happened, but knew your family lost and were thus the wrong side to be a part of. So to save your skin, you distanced yourself from your parents and siblings. As the youngest daughter, you could afford to be looked over. You had four older brothers and a sister, only a single brother and your sister survived, you would not be missed more than your brothers who were lost.

Many thought you were actually there to be raised to be Robb's wife, but you doubted that. Robb didn't like you at all. You were too sweet, he would say, and too much like a sister, it would be gross. Plus there were more advantageous marriages to be made for him anyway. Better for the North, and better for the kingdom for him to go to someone else.

You were raised with the Stark daughters to be a political pawn for the North and the Crown. A marriage of their liking would come up, and if they didn't wish to match Sansa or Arya to it, you would step in. You have known this to be true since you were brought here.

But, even with knowing your duty, to marry some Lord the Starks wish to join with and make an alliance of some sort, you could still have your fantasies.

Almost three years previous you had flowered, and in those three years since you first bled, you knew a husband would come sooner or later. So while that was always on the horizon, you often longed for a marriage founded on love.

Often during these fantasies, you'd watch the men train in the yard, acting as if one of them were your husband training every day just to improve their skills in protecting you. It was silly, you knew that, but no others could relate to your situation. Sansa was always in her head about some prince waltzing in to sweep her off her feet to make her a princess, you couldn't ever relate to that specific fantasy. You just wanted a husband who wouldn't end up beating you and just maybe find companionship with him or maybe come to love eventually.

Just as often during those fantasies of a fairytale, though different from Sansa's, you'd find your eyes drifting to Jon's form. He was becoming a formidable swordsman for just a boy of six and ten. You liked to think the two of you were kindred spirits, two bodies that were raised like a Stark but weren't, and never to be accepted. Theon at least got by, by being a kiss-ass.

There was no use in arguing with Sansa, especially whenever she pointed out Jon's status. You often thought that was all she saw in him, and how it must hurt him. So you went back to your needlework, silently and stealthily helping Arya with hers so the Septa wouldn't yell at her for crooked lines.

You thought Jon to be handsome, that was all. You were allowed to have eyes, after all.

-

"I know all the Starks were tasked to feed and train their wolves, is that what you are doing now?"

A voice called out into the kennels, startling Jon from his current chore of feeding said pup.

Jon stood and turned to the voice. It had been a week since he started his plan to lose his virginity so that he may be accepted into the Brotherhood. And to say he was surprised to see you, one of his sister's ladies at the entrance of the kennels, looking around at the dogs. He stared.

Huh, he had not thought of that.

When your eyes strayed back to his, his breath caught in his throat.

He knew you were pretty, most ladies that stayed around his sisters and Catelyn Stark were, but you were especially so. You come from the Iron Islands, like Theon, but seemed so different from the boy.

You did not try to stand out and stand among the Stark children as if you were one, you blended into the background. Much like he did. You accepted your role within the castle and abided by it. You were raised with Sansa and Arya as a Lady and often noticed you among their group at various times of the day, but it was rare to see you by yourself. A dutiful lady-in-waiting, he thought, always attending to Sansa's wellbeing before your own.

"I have met them all intimately, even the one little Rickon named Shaggydog of all things," You smiled slightly, "May I meet yours?"

"He's eating currently," Jon started, but nodded his head as he spoke, stepping slightly to the side so that you may see the pup, "But you can have a proper meeting if you don't mind waiting for him to finish."

"Of course not," A blush filled your cheeks as you approached Jon and his wolf.

As you stepped up beside Jon, you looked down at the white direwolf. He was much bigger than what Robb had told you when they were first found.

"He's very beautiful," You complimented, "And I have heard is the most well-trained, that is what the servants are saying." You added as the wolf finished his meal in what seemed to be seconds.

"Thank you," But he was looking at you, not the wolf, "I think he is well-trained. His name is Ghost," At the sound of his name, the wolf looked up, bowl now empty.

"Ghost," You parroted, "a fitting name, I think." You shot Jon a grin, "His coat is so white, it's stunning."

Jon grinned back, he thought it a good name as well.

He took a moment to pick up the wolf's bowl and hang it back on the wall so it was out of the way.

Both you and Ghost watched him as he stepped around the wolf, who sat, patiently waiting for whatever Jon asked.

It was only when Jon stood back next to you, did the wolf moved to sit in front of the boy.

"Ghost," Jon started, "This is [Name], she's a friend." He introduced you very seriously to the dire wolf, making you giggle under your breath.

"It is so lovely to meet you, Ghost," You said unprompted, "You are a very handsome boy," You added, looking to Jon to see if it was okay to pet, to which he nodded.

Gently, and with a healthy dose of fear, you moved to stand slightly to the side of the wolf and kept your hand in a fist, not wanting to startle the animal with an open hand.

Ghost appeared as if he was looking to Jon for permission as well, and when he saw that Jon was relaxed with you, Ghost sniffed your hand gently before giving the hand a shy lick.

A bright smile lifted your lips, and you crouched down to properly pet the pup. However, with the rate the pups were growing, they wouldn't be puppies for much longer.

"You are good with dogs," Jon noticed, crouching himself to rub Ghost under his chin.

"Dogs are often thought to be mindless pets of humans, but I don't think so. They are intelligent and deserve respect. We can't always assume they will listen to us. Show respect, and you shall receive in it turn, if they trust you," You explained, flushing further when you realized he was staring.

"You're right," Jon said after a moment, giving Ghost one last pat on the head before standing and offering you a hand when you went to stand as well. Which you took, "They are more than just animals, if that were the case, we are but animals."

You nodded, thanking him quietly for his assistance, "Exactly."

With a silent agreement between the two of you, you exited the kennels, Ghost dutifully following after his owner.

The castle was still in the full swing of hosting the royal family. Servants were rushing to and fro with the ease of only someone who knew every step of their current task.

Your lessons with your Septa were finished early for the day as Arya had run off again halfway through the lesson, and she was too furious to continue. And with Sansa more interested in Princess Myrcella, you were left on your own for once. Catelyn had let it be known that you should give the young girls as much time together as they pleased. It was her way of asking for you to be scarce.

Jon was in a similar situation, lost in his thoughts as the two of you wandered through the grounds of the castle.

He wasn't thinking of his put-off lessons, no, he was chastising himself for allowing his thoughts to drift into a more obscene corner when he first saw you at the entrance of the kennels. You were his sister's lady-in-waiting, you were untouchable. He couldn't even think of asking you to bed him so he may prove himself to The Night's Watch.

But, you were beautiful, all soft skin and curves, if he was allowed to actually pick someone, he was surprised his thoughts did not immediately go to you. He had always thought you were pretty and had to more than once kick Theon's shin whenever he would say something too obscene aloud after you would walk by with Sansa. Though, he was thankful that Robb took his side when it came to you. At first, he thought it was because he fancied you as well, but then Robb let it slip one day the words 'Theon, that's my sister,' and Jon knew he did not see you in that light. That thankfully got Theon to tease Robb relentlessly afterwards, therefor anymore talk of how you would look on your knees was no more.

"I heard you wish to join The Night's Watch," You started casually, taking Jon away from his dangerous thoughts, "Is it true?"

"It is," He nodded, "How'd you know?"

"I heard your uncle speaking about it, looking for advice the other night, I wanted to ask to see if it was true," You answered with a shrug. "You hear a lot of things when people don't notice you're there."

"Is that so? So what other secrets does my lady know?" Jon couldn't help but tease, smiling as you hid a smile behind your hand.

"I know that you wish to go to the Wall, and I," You looked around and leaned in close to the taller boy, "Supposedly, there is talk that Sansa may be betrothed to the Prince if your father takes the role of the King's Hand."

Jon made a face at that, he did not like the idea of Ned Stark becoming The Hand, but he also knew of the honor the man led his life by. He also knew that Sansa would be thrilled at the prospect of being a princess, and maybe one day queen, but the boy was a nightmare. He would be cruel and evil to Sansa.

"I don't like the idea of it either," You said as if you read his thoughts, "He seems quite angry and unnecessarily cruel. His charming smile is all bravado."

Jon nodded but did not voice his agreement, just in case someone heard of their conversation. Kingsguard and knights alike swarmed the castle, and he did not wish for them to hear his ill will toward the prince.

"Why do you wish to join The Watch?" You asked, quickly changing the subject back to your initial curiosity. You did wish to know the reason why you may soon find yourself devoid of your only fancy.

"There is nothing left for me here. I am Ned Stark's bastard, and I may be an acknowledged bastard, but I am still a bastard. I am no Lord, no will I ever hold such a title. Catelyn could never allow me to be anything but that. So if I am allowed, I will go North, well, more north, and become one of the Brotherhood and have a purpose." Jon said passionately. He knew every word he said to be true.

And you knew it to be true as well.

While Catelyn with kind to you and allowed you to have such an advanced education much more than one could believe you deserve, she saw you as nothing more than a pawn to use for her family's advantage.

"If you truly wish to go, why must you wait for permission?" You asked quietly.

It was something of a dream to wish to one day be the person to make someone stay. To prevent someone to ride to war to stay with you, to prevent them from going North. But that could never be.

"My uncle deems me too young," Jon spat bitterly, "Says I shouldn't give up the pleasures of being a man before I knew them," Jon added, before realizing what he said, and to a Lady of all people.

His eyes went wide as he stopped and looked at you for your reaction.

"I'm sorry my lady-"

"It is alright," You said a bit embarrassed, avoiding his eyes so your face wouldn't flame any further in embarrassment. Jon was not one to be crude, and he still phrased his statement of never having laid with a woman before in a tasteful way you weren't outright offended. Not that you would be, not with Jon.

If Theon had said that to you, you'd slap him. First for the statement itself as a lady shouldn't speak or be in the presence of such talk, and second, for the fact, Theon would be lying. He liked to boast about his 'conquests' as he would call them.

Without another word, the two of you turned your walk towards the Godswoods unknowingly.

"I think," You glanced at your walking companion, "Your uncle may be right. I know you say you have nothing here, but what if you find a sweetheart? Would you stay, for them?"

Jon pursed his lips in thought. He truly hadn't thought of the 'what-ifs' and 'could-be's he may leave behind, but deep within his soul, he knew he was meant for The Wall.

"Those are thoughts I cannot have, as I don't have anyone to fit the description. I can't think of those things that may never happen or may. So I'd be leaving no one behind."

You could not argue with that logic. As cold as the words were, they weren't wrong. He couldn't have any attachments if he wished to take The Black.

-

Many days and weeks later, Jon was no longer closer to a solution, even if he did mention the thought of laying with a woman on accident in front of Theon, who decided to 'grace' him with all his knowledge of how to pleasure a woman. Robb thought it hilarious that he was suddenly so interested in women as if he never had eyes to begin with. He thought many girls and women were beautiful, and he knew how to take care of himself if he found himself in need of relief. He just never really, actively thought of having sex. Not everyone was as unscrupulous as Theon was and sought it out too often to count.

And within those days, the world seemed like it all went to shit.

You knew that Lord Stark was officially asked to be the King's Hand but had yet to accept, and then Bran fell and the future was uncertain of what would happen with him. If he would make it.

As you told Jon, you heard things, you listened, and you heard his conversation about sex.

And without thinking, you cornered Jon in kennels once more with Ghost. You had made sure beforehand that this was the time the kennels were empty when Jon tended to Ghost.

"[Name]?" Jonn said incredulously as you had your skirts hiked up as you rushed to him, "Are you alright?"

"I have a question for you, Jon Snow," You said hurriedly.

"Of course, are you alright?" He asked again, placing a hand on your elbow when you finally stood before him.

"You need something," You looked around to make sure you were truly alone, "And I need something. I thought we could help each other, but we must speak alone."

Jon's brows furrowed in confusion, but slowly nodded, "We can walk to the woods? If that would be alone enough for you."

With a nod, you turned, not waiting for the male to follow.

The two of you walked for a few minutes, letting the silence envelope you, looking cautiously around at every turn until you finally made it to the Godswood.

Jon stopped when the two of you were deep enough and waited for you to speak.

"You wish to become a 'man', is that still true?" You asked, looking off into the trees, hands clasped before you to hide the way they shook.

Jon coughed, completely off guard by your question, and flushed. He fidgeted a bit as he tried to find his words.

"Why do you ask?" He settled on.

"You wish to prove you can give up worldly pleasures to take The Black," You stated factually, turning to him, "And I... I wish to feel loved, just once."

Ghost took off past you, his nose on the ground as he caught the scent of something, leaving the two of you as you were.

"I don't understand..."

"Jon," You cut him off, "You have a kindness within you I do not see in Robb, and Gods forbid the boy who is the future king show such gentleness you possess. I know your father will become the Hand of the King, despite what has happened, he has too much honor to deny the King, his friend." Jon nodded to that, he knew that much as well, "You will either stay in the north or go to the Wall, and I will have to go south as your sister's handmaiden, and in the south, your father will arrange a marriage for me there as a favor for my family, most likely to a man who will never show me love as I bear child after child. Just once, I want to be selfish, I want to be held and feel the touch of someone I could find myself to love. I will have to give my husband everything I am, but I do not wish to give him my maidenhead as well." You explained, voice wavering in the end as you tried to keep your tears at bay.

It felt different to verbalize all you felt about your future, it felt freeing.

You could tell it took Jon a moment to realize just what you were asking him to do. And he flushed again.

"You want to... with... me?"

"Of course, with you," You couldn't stop the grin lifting your cheeks, "I know you would be gentle, that I'd feel like you cared for me intimately. I do find you handsome, it will be no burden on my part," You tailed off before quickly adding with a blush of your own, "Unless you do not want to with me, if that is the case for your reservation, I will leave and ask for you to forget everything I just said."

You felt so stupid. Of course, he wouldn't want to lay with you, why would you? You were his sister's lady-in-waiting, he probably saw you as a sister as Robb did. Why else would he be at a loss for words? He didn't want you, didn't find you even remotely attractive enough to lose his virginity with you.

But in reality, Jon was dumbfounded. It was hard for him to accept that someone viewed him as an object of desire. To hear you found him handsome. Handsome and kind enough that you wanted to have sex with him. He never felt wanted within his family, how could he believe you really wanted him? Just because he was Jon. That was unthinkable.

But Jon was taking too much to think about this as you were walking away holding your face in your hands.

Jon quickly went after you, grabbing your hand to turn you back to face him once again.

"I want to," Jon blurted when he noticed the tears filling your eyes at his perceived rejection, "With you. It's just hard... It's hard to believe you'd want me of all people. You're beautiful and I'm Ned Stark's bastard son-"

"But you're so much more than that Jon," You shook your head, "You are so much more than that. You're Jon Snow. You are a Stark, through and through, even if you don't carry the name. You are more honorable than half the men in the castle right now. You will become someone so great because of that."

"You're the only one that has ever said that to me," He breathed, a smile lifting his lips, "How will we even go about this?" He hadn't thought that far ahead, if he found a girl willing.

You sighed a soft-sounding laugh that made Jon burn inside with embarrassment and anticipation all in one. "Can you sneak out from your room unseen?" He nodded, "Come to my room after midnight, that is when the guards shift from the hall where my room is."

Due to the age difference between you and Sansa, you weren't expected to be a true lady-in-waiting, tending to her every need, so you were kept in a separate hall from the girls. Only on special occasions were you expected to help get her ready.

"Tonight?" He clarified, cringing as he didn't like how eager it sounded.

"Tonight."

-

Due to your own nerves, you excused yourself early from dinner with permission.

You weren't nervous about the act itself. From what you have heard from the older ladies in court and your Septa when she spoke of your future marriage, it was supposed to be painful. Not many of the women enjoyed the act, calling it a service owed to their husbands. However, there were a few more scandalous women who would pull you close and tell you that if your husband knew what they were doing, would make sure you sure you felt just as pleasured as they did.

There was talk of men using their fingers to 'prepare' you so it wouldn't be as painful as well, but most men just took what was theirs.

Either way, whether it felt good for you or not, you were just excited to get it over with. You wouldn't have to fear your future marriage bed as you would know what to expect and be able to perform better for them so it would be over as quickly as possible.

You had thought, as you retired early as you still had a few hours before expecting Jon, to try to prepare yourself. But, you've never touched yourself like that.

Sometimes you'd use your hand to rub against your folds and that little nub at the top that made you see stars, but never inside. That was too scary, too risky. You could count on one hand how many times you've pleasured yourself in fear of getting caught and called a whore and slut because you gave yourself pleasure. So you would have to wait and hope that your assessment of Jon was correct, and he would be gentle.

-

It was past midnight, you knew that by the position of the moon outside your window.

You were anxiously biting at your nails, a habit you thought you had broken as a girl, as you waited for him.

Maybe he forgot? You thought, or maybe he got lost because the guards were doing a late shift change? Or maybe he decided against this, and the prettiest nightgown you were wearing would go to waste.

It was a soft, ivory gown that was cut shorter, a more southern style that left your shoulders bare, and its almost sheer texture left little to the imagination. The gown was a gift from the Queen. She gifted both of the Stark girls a few similar day gowns, all flowy and fine, perfect for their future in the South where it was warmer. She had gifted you the nightgown and a more simple dress as a courtesy for your position close to her future daughter-in-law.

But those worries were for naught, as there was a light knock before your bedroom door opened.

You had told Jon not to knock, as you wanted no one to suspect you had a late visitor. He must have just knocked for only himself.

You stood before your bed, anxious as Jon stepped in silently, throwing his head through the crack in the door to make sure he wasn't followed nor seen. And when he turned to look at you properly, you blushed in anticipation.

He flushed brightly as well, taking in all your exposed skin and soft flesh. Your hair was down as well, cascading in soft waves over your shoulders, he had never seen your hair out of your normal updos and Northern twists and braids.

He tried to subtly wipe his sweaty palms on his trousers before he stepped towards you.

While he was taking in your image, your heart sped up as he stepped towards you, just as enamored with his visage. He seemed to have slipped out in his sleep clothes as well, soft breeches and thin tunic.

You were really doing this.

"I'm sorry I'm late," Jon said softly, "There have been more guards than normal because of Bran, it was harder to slip out." He explained.

"No worries," You breathed, arms itching to cross your chest in an effort to hide yourself, "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too."

It was clear the two of you were nervous, not knowing how to start, or who should start. But with one glance at the other's mouth, you hesitantly stepped towards him, closing the distance.

"Can I kiss you?" You whispered, standing before him. He wasn't all that taller than you, just a few inches at most, but he was broader, much broader than you realized any other time you stood before him or next to him.

Instead of answering you, Jon gently cupped your face and kissed you just as you had asked.

It was gentle and sweet, a melding of your lips on his, but it said so much more. This was the feeling of affection and longing you wished to feel, in one kiss.

And as much as you wished to kiss Jon forever, you had to breathe.

But Jon only gave you a second to take a breath before he was descending again, harder, a more consuming kiss that made you step back as Jon walked you back towards your bed. One gasp and Jon's tongue was invading your mouth, that gasp turning into a sigh as you let him have his way with you.

Jon followed you as the back of your knees met your bed and you were forced to sit, barely allowing yourself to get a breath or sigh for a moment before he had to step back so you could shimmy up the bed and wait for him to join you.

You sat on your knees, unable to look away as Jon shed his tunic and trousers, leaving his small-clothes on. The visible strain against the fabric made that inner flush of arousal soar at the sight. Before you could get a good look at what his aching flesh looked like, he was crawling up your bed to hover above you.

He kissed you again, sweetly, his hand finding your bare knee.

The touch made you shiver, a good one, as he rubbed the skin there, almost afraid to move it any higher. But he had never done this, and neither have you, you both did not how this was supposed to go.

You pecked his lips, grinning as he flushed at your actions, leaning away from him to rid yourself of your beautiful nightgown.

He watched rapt with attention as you revealed yourself completely to him. You had chosen to not wear small-clothes beneath your nightie, it felt right not to. It made it easier to accept that you'd lose your maidenhead tonight.

"You can touch me," You whispered, giggling softly as he eyes darted all over your form, unable to settle on one place, but eventually settled on your face to give you a nod in acknowledgment, "I want you to. Can I touch you as well?"

"Yes," He said quickly, clearing his throat, hands finding your waist as a good, safe starting spot.

You laid back against your pillows, bring Jon with you, back on top. His dark eyes traced the lines of your face before they drifted south, unable to keep his eyes away from the sight he was allowed to feast in.

His hands groped clumsily at your chest, making you burn with the touch. It felt scandalous and improper in all the best ways to give yourself to Jon. You ached for him unlike anything you had ever felt, from just one touch.

You placed your hands on his shoulders, hands fingering his hair at the base of his neck before you allowed your own hands to wander.

He was beautiful, the smattering of dark hair on his chest, not too much as he was still barely a man, but enough to make you realize you liked it. You thought then too, that Jon would look good with a beard as well.

Jon grew confident with your own curious hands in the investigation of himself that he bent down to kiss your neck. His lips left a wet trail as they lavished your neck and chest with affection. Kissing and unable to prevent the nips and sucks at your breasts, making your breath labor at the sensation.

He rolled your nipple between his thumb and forefinger as he laved the other with his tongue. You were lost in the sensation of something so new to you.

You had never thought your chest or nipples would be sensitive, as they were only there to feed future children, but Jon proved that not to be the case. You whimpered and moaned at his ministrations, rubbing your thighs together to get some sort of friction where you were really starting to feel it.

After having his fill of your breasts, Jon trailed further south. His lips kiss your stomach and hips, biting at the junction of your hip and leg, making you jump in surprise.

If you thought he was starting to feel confident before, now he seemed to know exactly what he was doing to you and what he wanted.

Jon hooked his hands at the back of your knees and bent your legs out and back towards you to completely expose your most intimate place to him.

You blushed vividly at the image of your spread completely for him and hid your face behind your hands, unable to fathom the look of hunger on Jon's face at the sight.

"You're so beautiful," Jon groaned softly.

Now with zero reservations, he let go of one of your legs to drape it over his hip to run his thumb between your folds, up and down your slit gently.

If he thought you were being vocal with his actions before, now it seemed you couldn't keep your voice in, making him fear for a second that you would be heard from the hall. But you covered your mouth with a hand as he started circling that little nub at the top of your cunt that made your eyes cross and made you sing for him.

As much as he disliked the man, he did remember that Theon said women liked to be prepared before a man stuck it in. With fingers or your mouth if the girl liked it, he had said, and even though he did not want to think about the fact he was actually taking Theon's advice, Jon suddenly really wanted to taste you.

A thick calloused finger prodded at your entrance, the very place he would soon put his prick, the place you've always been too scared to breach. But he did, just as gentle as every other touch he has given you. You were wet, so wet that Jon let out a heavy breath as his finger slid in easily.

"You ok?" He asked, glancing up at your flushed face.

He was taken aback at how wrecked you already looked. He felt as if he had barely done anything until now.

"Good," You whispered, breath hitching as he started rocking his finger within you, "I feel full, but it's good." It was true, there was a slight feeling of fullness as the digit stretched you. It felt better than you thought it would.

He nodded, that was enough of a go-ahead for him to bend down to finally taste you.

He kept his hand steady with stretching you, a second finger trying to loosen you enough to fit in, but at your body tensing and clenching around him, his tongue darted out to slide up your folds, the muffled shriek you gave off told him of your surprise. You moaned loudly as his lips wrapped around your clit, and sucked.

The sudden onslaught of pleasure allowed Jon's index and middle finger to slide inside you without much resistance. He could tell it was a stretch, your walls spasming against him at the intrusion. And it burned, a little, but with him sucking and slurping in such an obscene way at your cunt made you melt into your bedding.

Everything was hot, especially at every point Jon's skin met yours. Your hips were twitching as you tried to grind against his face, lost in the pleasure.

His fingers sped up, pistoning in and out of you, being cautious of your soft walls, the mere feeling of your warmth wrapped around his fingers made his dick throb with anticipation of burying himself within you.

And taking both yourself and Jon by surprise, your body seized up, legs clenching around him as you peaked and cunt spasming and tightening around him. Your mouth opened in a silent scream at the most powerful orgasm you'd ever felt.

Jon sat back up, hand slowing down, before pulling his soaked fingers from your folds.

He grinned, widely at you, chin shiny and wet with your release, making you choke with embarrassment.

"Good still?" He smiled, wiping his face with the back of his none-wet hand. That hand was rubbing your hip gently as your breathing calmed down from your climax.

"I want you," You breathed, making Jon gape at the desire so obviously painted on your face.

It was such an ego boost to see someone beneath him, stare up at him all open and wanting.

One of your hands that was not clinging to Jon for dear life snuck between your bodies to tug at the man's small-clothes.

"Off," You whispered, "Please."

Jon stopped at that, nodding, and quickly divested himself of the last barrier between the two of you.

Before Jon took his place back above you, you grabbed a small red silk handkerchief.

He paused, watching as you lifted your shaky hips to place the handkerchief under you. His head cocked to the side in silent question.

You flushed, "Not all women bleed during their first time, but in case I am one who does, I do not want any evidence of it."

"Makes sense," Jon agreed, sliding back between your spread legs, his cock heavy and flushed sliding against your wet folds.

You made a high noise at the sensation of his manhood against you. You looked between the two of you, eyes wide at the length, glancing at Jon's fingers in comparison. Having never seen a man's genitalia before, you had nothing to compare Jon to, but his length was thicker and longer than the two fingers you took just recently.

"Will it fit?" You asked hesitantly, but you had a look that told Jon you'd make it fit if needed.

"It will," He gave you a reassuring smile, "If you wish to stop now, I will be alright with that."

"I want you," You repeated adamantly, "Very much so."

You reached up to pull him down for another kiss, legs wrapping around his hips more securely to pull him closer to you.

"Make love to me, Jon Snow."

And he did.

He guided himself inside of your soft walls, inching in slowly at the look of discomfort on your face. He didn't want to hurt you but knew it would be a stretch.

Jon went as slowly as he could, the feeling of your tight walls stretching and making way for himself was almost too much. He didn't want to come too soon, Theon said that was a bad look, but he was thankfully able to hold off, sighing as he fit inside you.

You let out a deep breath you were holding as he entered, releasing it only once his hips met yours.

"Full," You groaned, hand drifting between your bodies to feel where Jon was connected to you, making the male moan at your tentative touch.

He looked down at your linked bodies as he pulled out, wincing at the sight of his cock stained with the blood of your maidenhead. It wasn't much, you looked too wet from your release and newfound arousal that it was overtaking the blood from him making his claim on you.

"Jon," You moaned softly as he started to move, arms wrapping around his neck to get him as close to you as possible, "Fuck," You breathed.

"What vulgar language for a lady," Jon chuckled, but it was strained as he tried not to jackrabbit into you feverishly.

You sighed out your own laugh, eyes clenched shut as he kissed your face and found a faster rhythm in his hips. He was holding back, you could tell.

All the pain that was there initially was gone, replaced with the erotic feeling of being so full, his cock dragging deliciously against the walls of your cunt. It was good, better than any lady or Septa said, but you wanted more.

"Take what you need," You said into his ear, "Please, I want to feel you."

"[Name]-"

"I want more," You cut him off, moaning as he did start to speed up, "Jon, please-"

And that was all it took.

Jon started rutting into you like a starved beast, moans and the lewd slap of your hips filling the room.

Neither of you really worried about being heard as you were so caught up in each other.

You tried to pull him even closer to you with your legs, but the sweat covering your bodies made it impossible for you to be any closer than you were.

And then Jon's hips started stuttering in warning, he was close.

It was so good, but you wanted to come with him. A hand slipped between your bodies to rub frantically at your clit, making you quickly find your peak again.

Jon felt you come again, the hand between you at your sex made him want to come even more. The hitch of your breath and your biting into his shoulder to muffle your shout in climax made him groan into your neck. , but then he panicked, he was going to come inside you.

He tried to pull out, but you held onto him tightly.

"Inside-" Your breath punching out of you with each powerful thrust of Jon's hips, aching to reach his own peak, "Please, I'll-I'll find moon tea, please, want to feel you-"

And Jon came, filling you with the sweetest groan of your name into your hair.

The feeling of him filling you was almost enough to make you want to come again. But your body was exhausted, all warm, inside and out, and satisfied. You were more like gelatin than human at that moment.

Jon gingerly extracted himself from your limbs. Your arms were crossed above your head and your legs fell loosely from his hips as his flaccid length spilled with his come from your warmth.

He laid down beside you as you both tried to come down from your high.

"Good?" It was you, this time asking Jon.

Jon looked at you, but you were already looking at him with such an open expression, that he nearly lost his breath again.

"Yes, Gods, yes." He breathed, making you grin, turning to face him, ignoring the mixed of your fluids beneath you and between your legs.

"Stay? For as long as you can, that is..." You trailed off.

"Okay."

Jon helped clean you up with the same red handkerchief that witnessed your coupling before tossing it to the floor to deal with later. He slid under the thick blankets and fur that adorned your bed and pulled you into his embrace.

The two of you started to feel the fatigue from the night, breathing truly evening as you started to fall asleep.

"Thank you," You whispered into the dark.

Jon barely heard you through the pull of slumber, "Thank you, [Name]." He repeated with a soft kiss pressed to your temple before he fell asleep.

You followed him not long after him.

-

The morning after, both you and Jon woke early, even with little sleep. The two of you were wide awake as you found your prospective clothing.

You whispered sweet words of thanks and compliments of what the two of you shared. It was nothing of significance, but it felt so much more than that.

Jon looked at you differently, and you did too at him.

He was a man, and you were a woman now, two that shared something so special and intimate. You knew now that you would never forget him, and would never feel like that again, like he loved you.

That was all you wanted, now you could ride south and be married to some fool of a lord, but have the memory of what it felt like to be held like you were in love.

Jon did not love you, nor you him. But it was nice to pretend in those moments.

When you woke, you were laying on his chest and his arm was wrapped warmly and protective over your middle. You had kissed him too, when you woke. The flush that filled his cheeks was worth a few more stolen kisses as he woke up.

When Jon picked up the soiled hankie, he looked as if he wished to keep it. But he couldn't. And he knew that. So you took the hankie and hid it deep within your trunk to never see the light of day again until you could safely get rid of it. You would have given it to Jon, but he could not be caught with such a thing.

With one last lingering kiss on your lips, as you wrapped yourself back up into your bed, he slipped from your room, to get back to his before anyone was the wiser of your nighttime affair.

-

"I know the pleasures of the flesh, uncle," Jon said the following night at supper. He knew that his father was still skeptical of sending him to The Wall, but he still wished for it.

He was angry the morning after he left you in your chambers. When he thought about how gleeful his going north would be for Catelyn with her hatred for his existence, but decided it was most likely for the best. Even if he did not wish to aid her happiness, he knew there was nowhere else for him.

"What are you going on about, boy?" His uncle said with a roll of his eyes.

"I've laid with a woman, I still wish to take The Black," Jon clarified.

Benjen choked on a mouthful of ale, a Lord beside his uncle laughed wholeheartedly as he patted the other's back.

"You've got to be joking, Jon," He implored when he found his breath.

"I am not," Jon looked impassively over the table of minor lords and Night's Watchmen, who were all obviously listening, "Please speak with my father, I'd like to ride to The Wall and take the oath."

Uncle Benjen had informed Jon only days before they were to leave that his father had agreed for Jon to go north. There was no time to say goodbye to you when Benjen decided it was time for The Watch to head out from Winterfell.

He also mentioned how joyful it was to see the look of utter shock on his brother's face when he mentioned what Jon did to convince him that he was ready to take the Black. However, he did say Ned was concerned for whichever girl or lady Jon had bedded, as well as Catelyn. But they were quick to dismiss that as there was no time to dwell. The Watch would go north as Ned and the girls would ride south with the King's party.

Jon was able to say goodbye in such a short time to Bran, Robb, and Arya. He did not have enough time to corner you and say goodbye but felt that your quiet shared morning after was sufficient.

That door was closed, even more so since he was to join the Brotherhood.

He did meet your eyes when a small crowd gathered at their departure, and the smile you sent him he was sure would keep him company throughout the cold nights at the Wall.

-

"Jon," Sam called, hurrying over to where Jon sat at the dinner table one evening, many months after arriving at The Wall, "You've got a letter."

"Is it from Winterfell?" He asked as he took the wax-sealed parchment.

"Looks like it's from King's Landing," Sam shrugged, gesturing to the seal.

Curiosity even more piqued, he only spared the foreign seal a glance before he broke it in favor of seeing the contents of the letter. He wished it was more news of Bran, to see how he was doing after waking from his coma, but if it came from King's Landing, it must be from his father, or maybe Arya.

His eyes widened as a small swatch of red silk fell into his lap, and his eyes skipped down to the signature. His heart rate sped up as his eyebrows skyrocketed to his hairline and his jaw dropped.

Why were you writing him?

Sam made a noise of question at his expression, but Jon was too occupied by the letter.

'Jon,

I am sure you are surprised to see me writing you. You were most likely hoping for this letter to be from your father, or maybe Robb. I did rewrite this letter many times, I thought of not writing to you at all, but my heart would not allow that. First off, please know that I am safe, and have left a letter for both your father and Sansa in King's Landing. I also sent a letter to Winterfell, for Lady Catelyn. Be rest assured that I left you completely out of my letters, you have nothing to fear.

By the time you are reading this letter, I should be arriving in Dorne. It is the only place in the whole kingdom where I will be safe and accepted. After all, there are bastards all over in Dorne, and they are accepted there.

Please know that I did not do it on purpose. I did not know that you had to take Moon Tea within so many days after coupling for it to work. I was unable to get ahold of any until I reached King's Landing and took it as soon as I could. But, as I am sure you have gathered by now, I am with child. I was stupid, to let this happen, I blame none but myself. I asked you to sleep with me, and I asked you to finish inside, I am to blame for the outcome. I should have realized before we made it to King's Landing that I was with child, but the chaos of the trip south made me forget that I had missed my cycle. After all, it can take but one time for one to become pregnant.

Please do not hate me for keeping the babe. I wish to savor the feelings that I felt that night and the child that will result in a few months' time. This is a blessing, as I now have the courage to run away. I can be someone much more than just a wife as women are given more freedoms in Dorne. I can be me, and raise my child as I see fit. I don't for anything from you, not even a response to this letter. I need nothing from you, I simply wish for you to know that we will be out there, and I will raise my baby to know what a kind and wonderful man his father is. I wish to give them the name of Snow.

There is something dark brewing in King's Landing, and I hope you are able to escape it as I have. Stay safe and vigilant, for me. If we do survive this Long Winter that is said to come, just know you will have a family out there waiting for you if you wish for it. But if you do find love, hold onto it. You deserve the world, I only wished I could have been the one to give it to you.

Thank you for everything, Jon Snow, you have given me a new life.
[Name]'

Jon stayed quiet for quite some time, rereading your words to make sure he was reading them correctly.

Who would have thought that he would be a father at just six and ten? Unthinkable. Another reason for Catelyn to hate him for, a bastard who sired a bastard.

But through his bitter thoughts, he couldn't help but feel the warmth from your letter that made it this far north. And the red silk hankie, you never got rid of it. You kept it and you were happy and excited even at the prospect of having his child.

You had said that it was the child growing within you that gave you the courage to run away from the life that was laid out for you, to make your own path.

He'd have a son in Dorne. Or daughter, he'd be fine with a girl as well.

"You alright there, Jon?" Sam asked, finally snapping him out of his thoughts.

He nodded but thought differently and shook his head, quickly folding his letter back up, the red silk folded once against between the pages and ink, stuffing it into his coat pocket.

"No, but I think I will be, eventually," He said solemnly.

Jon left the mess hall without having eaten much, needing to process his thoughts in peace.

As he walked back with Ghost to the room he made for himself, the letter in his coat seemed to radiate with warmth that came right from the Dornish Sun.

He had someone to fight for now. He'd survive whatever war was brewing, and find you.