Work Text:
Jake was no stranger to anxiety. It had plagued him for almost as long as he could remember; making his hands shake, causing his gut to churn. He’d learned things to help along the way, like chewing his toothpicks, but the anxiety never truly went away.
It did ebb and flow, though, usually brought on more strongly by stressful missions or just before deployment. The worst it ever got, however, always revolved around his family.
He didn’t have a great relationship with his parents, if one could say he had a relationship with them at all. He grew up understanding very clearly that children were to be seen and not heard, and only seen when specified. Jake knew from an early age that he would never amount to what his parents expected of him.
But that didn’t stop him from trying!
He learned to do what he could to earn the minuscule acknowledgments he did get. He worked hard all through high school, earning straight As, being the captain of the football team, even winning a state championship in hopes that at some point, they’d tell him he mattered, that he’d done a good job.
But his parents rarely even attended his games, and they certainly never stuck around to offer any sort of feedback, positive or otherwise.
So Jake set out to do something bigger, to make them proud of the man he was. He became a Naval Aviator, and was one of the best of the best, if he did say so himself!
Only that never got their attention either, and they’d missed every change of command, graduation, and ceremony he’d ever had. They never saw him hold the Top Gun trophy or get his wings pinned on. Hell, they hadn’t seen him in person since he was 20 years old, and they asked him to stop coming home on his holiday breaks.
So he wasn’t expecting much of anything when Cyclone announced that the Daggers were all going to be honored in a ceremony. He went through the motions of filling out the paperwork for the ‘family passes’ and reserving seats for his parents, as he always had, but he didn’t really expect anything to come of it.
Until three days before the ceremony, when he received a text message from his mother, the first contact in nearly 8 years.
M: Hello, Jacob. It appears that you are being honored in a ceremony on Friday. Your father and I have made arrangements to attend. You will take us to dinner afterwards before returning us to the airport. I hope you really are being honored and this isn’t like that participation ceremony from High School.
He fiddled feverishly with his toothpick, trying to figure out how to even respond to the text.
He started and deleted about a dozen messages before he finally settled on something simple, the whole time, his anxiety building in the back of his mind.
J: Hey, Mom, good to hear from you! I’m looking forward to seeing you on Friday. I’m happy to take ya’ll to dinner and then give you a ride to the airport. Do you need to be picked up from the airport?
He fidgets as he waits, his leg bouncing obnoxiously as he chews his thumbnail.
Why would they even bother flying in just to see the ceremony? At least they wanted to go to dinner, but still—they hadn’t seen one another in so long! Maybe he could see about them staying longer? Would they even want to see him? Why were they coming to this ceremony when they hadn’t ever bothered with the others?
M: No.
Well that was short and sweet. A sudden crack seemed to echo through the locker room as he bit through the toothpick in his mouth.
Jake cleared his throat awkwardly as he swapped his now snapped toothpick for a fresh one.
He shouldered his bag and wandered out towards his truck, gut already churning at the thought of seeing his parents. He just couldn’t decide if it was anxiety, or anticipation.
The blond was so preoccupied, he missed several of his fellow aviators watching him in concern as he headed towards the parking lot.
“That—that was weird to everyone else too, right?” Mickey suddenly broke the silence.
“The way Seresin actually looked bothered by something?” Payback agreed. “Yup.”
“Something’s up,” Bob nodded, staring after the pilot.
***************************************************************************************************
Something remained ‘up’ with the typically cocky pilot for the next two days, earning concern from several people around him, though Jake never seemed to notice.
How could he? With the rampant tidal wave of nerves and anxiety constantly trying to overwhelm him, Jake barely had time to think. His stomach hadn’t stopped rolling since he got the text from his mom, and after puking for hours that night, he’d decided the best course of action was simply to eat as little as possible.
He’d choke down a granola bar here or there and these weird fruit leather strips Bradley kept handing him helped more than he realized, but it was better for everyone if he just avoided food. That way, he was only vomiting once or twice a day, not constantly.
He was also pretty sure he was developing a tension headache, certainly not a migraine, but that was all deep in the back of his mind. Nothing was as forefront, or important, as the possibility that his parents might actually come to see him in an official capacity.
They were coming to the ceremony! Not only that, but a ceremony for a mission that should have been impossible. A mission that he and his team had achieved against all odds. If ever there was a time for his parents to be proud of him, this was it. He was sure of it!
And so, he began preparing, wanting to do everything right. If this was his chance to make a lasting impression, he wanted it to be good.
Jake made sure his uniform was immaculate, every ribbon in precisely the right spot. He spent hours scrubbing his apartment clean from top to bottom, making sure it was just the way he remembered his mother liking it. He even went so far as to grab a bouquet of flowers that he kept nicely in a vase for her, just in case they came back to his place briefly. He made reservations for the three of them at a fancy restaurant on the beach, thinking his father would appreciate the ability to order surf and terf so far from Texas.
By the time the day of the ceremony had arrived, Jake felt as though he was finally ready.
***********************************************************************************************************
“How’s he doing?” Bob whispered to his pilot as they stood outside of the venue.
For the past several days, the squadron had been keeping an eye on Hangman, each one completely confused as to his sudden personality shift. Even Javy had no idea what was going on, though he did let some of the other aviators in on some of Jake’s particular tells.
“Still nauseous,” Nat muttered, eyes tracking the blond as he bit through yet another toothpick. “Pretty sure he’s thrown up twice since we all got here. Bradley keeps sneaking him these fruit snack things that apparently kept Ice’s blood sugar up during chemo but he’s starting to lose weight, even after three days.”
They were all getting worried. It seemed as though something was making their friend very sick, with the apparent nausea and ever increasing signs of headaches. It was clear Jake hadn’t been sleeping much either, and his inattention was alarming.
“Maverick was ready to stage an intervention, but Pops thought we should try to get through tonight. Let the squadron have the recognition and whatnot tonight before—well I don’t really know,” Bradley offered under his breath. “They’re both watching him though, even now.”
All three turned and looked towards their captain and the COMPACFLT, both concerned and amused to see the two men watching Seresin with such blatant worry.
“Do you think it has something to do with the ceremony?” Bob frowned. “Maybe he doesn’t want to remember how close it all was?”
“We all had nightmares about it,” Bradley shrugged. “So I mean, maybe? But he didn’t seem upset about it until a few days ago. We knew about the ceremony almost a week before that .”
They all frowned, watching the blond fidget as the line started filing into the ceremony space.
Natasha’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head when she caught a glance of the table marker next to her dad and sister as she walked through.
Seresin: Party of 2
She’d known Jake since the academy. They’d gone all through flight school together, Top Gun, even briefly flown on the same squadron. In all of those years, she’d never seen anyone there in support of him. Not once. There hadn’t even been a placard implying that someone had tried but couldn’t make it.
Honestly, she kind of started to assume his parents were also dead.
But now, there was a spot waiting for someone , and synapses in Phoenix’s head started going off in rapid succession.
Jake was anxious about whoever was finally showing up to support him. And they must be a hell of a stressor in his life if this was how he responded to their possible presence. Though, she winced inwardly, they may not even show, at least not on time for it to really matter. She leaned out of formation briefly for half of a moment, catching a glimpse of utter devastation on the blond’s face before he schooled it back to the hardened Hangman facade they were all so familiar with.
Phoenix admittedly zoned out on the majority of their ceremony after that. She was aware of the accolades being handed out, of the well wishes and praise being bestowed upon each of them by Maverick, Cyclone, and even Iceman. She was proud of what she accomplished, of what her team had accomplished that day, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that the catalyst they’d been watching for with Jake all week had just occurred. She spent the entire hour surreptitiously switching between watching him out of the corner of her eye and checking to see if his guests ever showed.
They didn’t.
Jake, meanwhile, seemed to just go through the motions of the event, eyes completely void of everything . It shook her like nothing ever had before.
As soon as they were released, most descended to mingle with the family members who had come to support them, laughing and joking amongst one another, yet again reminded how fortunate they were to be alive.
Nat had taken barely a minute to hug her family members, accepting her Dad’s congratulations and promising to meet her sister for lunch later in the week. She was fortunate to have local family, so she didn’t feel bad telling them she had to go check on a friend and would see them later.
But when she turned around, Jake was just gone .
“Nat!” Bradley hurried over to her, the other odd one out when it came to out of state family. “Did you see where he—“
“No, I was hoping you did!”
Bradley spun, swearing sharply. He had a clear height advantage over Natasha, so she hoped his scan of the venue would prove more successful. “Damnit, he’s gone.”
“C’mon,” she gestured, heading towards the exit. “I’ll head to his housing, you take the Hard Deck. If we don’t find him in an hour, I’m going to call everyone else in to help us look.”
“I know we were worried before, but did you see his face when the ceremony started?”
They were jogging now, heading for their separate vehicles.
“That’s exactly why I know we need to find him.”
***************************************************************************************************************
It had to be a mistake. Maybe something happened and their flight got delayed or they got sick or—
An endless loop of possibilities rolled through his head throughout the entire ceremony, matching the rolling of his gut. What if something had happened to them and he was sitting here instead of helping? And what did it say about him that part of him would feel relieved if something had? Because then it would mean that they were at least trying to reconnect with him, wouldn’t it? That they did still care!
On and on his mind raced, and he was barely cognizant of any part of the ceremony itself. He knows he checked several times to see if his parents had just arrived late. They hadn’t.
He’s also pretty sure that both Maverick and Iceman had tried to shake his hand for an extra second longer than necessary, as if trying to gauge how he was.
Well he was pretty spectacularly screwed up.
His head was pounding, his stomach was rolling, and all he could think about, with mind numbing focus, was the fact that his parents hadn’t been there, again .
As soon as he was free to leave, it was as though Jake teleported to his truck. He had no memory of how he got there, no idea if he’d walked calmly or ran like a maniac. All he knew was that he was driving home, the phone in his hand already dialing.
It rang or what seemed like hours before he heard the click of reception.
“Mama? Hello?”
/Who is this?/
“Mama? It’s Jake—er Jacob. Is everythin’ alright?” He could feel his anxiety building.
/Oh, it’s you. Why wouldn’t it be alright?/
“Yo—you missed m-my ceremony,” Jake managed, throat tightening. “I just—I wanted to make sure that ya’ll didn’t have flight trouble or anythin’.”
/You know how much I hate the stuttering, Jacob./ she scolded. /I see you never grew out of that particular issue./
“Y-yes, er, no ma’am,” Jake winced, feeling 5 years old again.
/So you went through with the ceremony, then?/
Now, Jake was just confused.
“Of course I did? I—my team was being honored for our mission. I thought—we had spots waiting for you guys—“
His mother scoffed, coldly. /So that’s that then./
“Mama, I don’t—I don’t understand. Did I do something?”
/You killed someone, Jacob! More than once apparently. Some stuffy military bastard called us to confirm arrangements for this—this grotesque celebration of murder , and asked us if we were proud of our son , the only pilot in this generation to have as many confirmed kills as he does! As in more than one! How could we possibly come and support that?/
“I—I saved my teammates, I—we’re at war , mama. What am I supposed to do?”
/Then why are you the only one, Jacob? There apparently aren’t many other pilots out there killing people! Why can’t you be like them? Not take lives ?/
“I—I did what I had to do to survive , to be able to come home— I’d be dead! ”
/Better than having so much blood on your hands!/
Jake was silent for a moment, something viscerally ripping in his chest. “Y-y-you don’t mean that… mama? You don’t—you don’t really—your son would be dead !”
/Your father and I feel that having a son who is a murderer is as good as. Don’t call again, Jacob./
Jake had absolutely no idea how he drove the rest of the way home. He had no memory of walking into his apartment or taking off his uniform and putting on sweatpants. He had no idea how long he’d been sitting at his kitchen counter, just staring at the stupid vase with the stupid lilies he’d bought for his mother.
It was as though they were mocking him, all bright and happy seeming while he was feeling as if he may never feel anything, ever again.
With a sudden burst of rage, Jake picked up the vase and chucked it as hard as he could at the wall.
As the crystal shattered into millions of pieces, he felt the last of his resolve do the same and he slid to the floor of his kitchen in gut wrenching sobs. The kind that hurt and made you feel as if you were being ripped in two. The kind that made it feel as if you couldn’t breathe.
He pulled painfully at his hair, choking on the sobs as they forced their way through his throat, burning with every exhale.
“Oh my God, Jake! ”
**********************************************************************************************************
Phoenix knew something was wrong; she could feel it deep in her gut. But those feelings increased exponentially when she pulled up to Hangman’s housing and spotted the disarray.
His truck was barely pulled in the driveway, sitting at a horrid diagonal that ordinarily would have driven the Texan batty. His cover was on the front seat of his truck, seemingly forgotten. But the most alarming, initially, was the fact that his apartment door was left wide open.
As Nat approached the apartment, she quickly dialed Bradley.
/Nat?/
“I’ve got him, at his apartment—” she relayed, only to be cut off by the sound of glass shattering and the most heart wrenching, painful sobs she’d ever heard in her entire life. “ Shit ! Bradley get over here and get Maverick!”
Without waiting for her friend to respond, she pocketed her phone, running into the blond’s apartment. She quickly closed the door behind her, following the sound of horrid sobbing to the kitchen. She tiptoed around the shards of crystal and the demolished flowers, hurrying over to the blond who was more distraught than she’d ever seen anyone.
“Oh my god, Jake!”
She knelt at his side, tugging him into a tight hug, trying to stop him from pulling his hair.
Jake sobbed harder, gasping for breath.
“Jake, Jake , you have to slow down,” Tasha tried to explain. “You’re hyperventilating.”
His sobs suddenly turned into coughs and then gags and Nat was forced to manhandle him upright once more. She barely got him over the sink before he was retching, spitting up the small amount of stuff he’d been able to eat that day. The majority of it appeared to be watery bile, though she was very alarmed to see spots of what looked like blood in it as well.
“What the hell have you done to yourself, Seresin?” she muttered, helping to keep him upright as he spat another mouthful into the sink.
“M n-n-n-ot—-d’nt want me—-” he shuddered, the tears slowing even as his breathing remained uneven.
“What do you mean, Jake?”
“They d-d-don’t want me,” the blond gasped, nearly doubling over once more. He grabbed at his head, whimpering as it throbbed.
“Jake? Does your head hurt?” Phoenix turned him until he was directly in front of her, tucking his head in the juncture of her neck.
“Why d-d-d-you care?”
“Because you’re my friend, dumbass. We all care! We’ve all been watching you all week, trying to figure out what was wrong. Bradley was even feeding you those fruit snacks to try to help you since you seemed to be puking a lot.,” Natasha explained, running her hands down his back and through his hair as she tried to help him refocus. “You’re scaring us, dude.”
Jake shivered in her hold, seeming to sink a little heavier against her.
“Jake?”
“D-d-dn’t feel good, N’t,” he mumbled, listing a bit to the side.
“What doesn’t feel good, J? Talk to me…”
“Keep p’king and c-c-cn’t eat anythin’ and my head’s killin’ me and I j’st wanna sleep. Want this all to be–to be a bad dream–”
She held him tighter, praying Bradley would hurry. “What happened? Why were you so upset when I got here?”
“I–i–i think I’m an orphan now,” he flinched in her hold. “They d-d-don’t want me—”
Phoenix’s mind raced as she tried to put all of the pieces together. That was the second time he’d said ‘they don’t want me’. Between that and the mention of being an orphan, it wasn’t hard to guess that the Seresin party of 2 had been for his parents. His apparently very much alive parents.
“N-n-n’body wants me,” Jake shivered again, his voice small and painfully young sounding.
“We want you,” Nat promised, holding him closer. “Me, the rest of the Daggers, Mav, Ice— we all want our Bagman.”
“‘M a m-m-murd’rer,” this time, she could barely make out what he said, but she was shocked when she processed the horrified whisper.
“No you’re not! You—Jake, you’re a hero ! You saved lives! ”
‘“M-m-mama said I—”
“I don’t give a rat’s ass what she said, she was wrong ,” Natasha insisted. “We want you, Jake. All of us want you here , safe with us.”
Out of the corner of her eye she caught the front door opening. She was relieved to see the curly head of her best friend appear, both Maverick and Ice in tow.
All three men seemed unsure of how to approach, not wanting to upset the blond further.
Jake, however, seemed to have other plans, as his poor body chose that exact moment to become a total deadweight as he fainted. She did her best to support him but he was too heavy for her to hold upright for long.
“Bradley!
“Shit, did he pass out?” the curly haired pilot rushed over to her, looping one of Jake’s arms over his shoulder and helping her hold him.
“What the hell happened?” Maverick moved to stand in front of them, gently framing Jake’s face with his hands.
“Does he have a fever?” Ice looked on in obvious concern.
“Definitely starting to,” Mav frowned.
“Nat, what happened?” Bradley shifted to have a firmer grasp on Jake.
“I–I don’t even know!” she tried to explain. “I followed him home and found the front door left open and heard glass shattering and then the most awful crying I’ve ever heard in my life and it was Jake! He was in here sobbing so hard he threw up and I–shit I think there was blood in it! Then he just kept repeating how ‘they’ didn’t want him and how nobody should want him and calling himself a murderer! He’s—he’s in a real bad place, Mav. A really really bad place.”
“Let’s get him on the couch, B,” Maverick decided, taking Natasha’s place. “Tom?”
Ice moved to wrap an arm around Tasha, offering her a bit of support. “You said he vomited blood? How much?”
“It’s still in the sink probably, at least some of it,” she gestured. “It wasn’t a lot but it scared the hell out of me.”
Ice took a look in the sink, humming thoughtfully before turning the water on to rinse it out.
“Ice?” Mav called from the other room.
“Maybe an ulcer?” he called back, grabbing Nat’s arm and leading her towards the armchair as Bradley and Maverick got Jake arranged on the couch. “What else can you remember, Nat?””
“I think—I think his parents, they disowned him or something.”
“They what?!” Maverick growled from where he knelt next to Jake.
Bradley looked over, frowning. “I didn’t think he had living parents? They’ve never been at any of our events before…”
“I thought so too but they had seats today,” Nat shrugged incredulously.
“He has parents,” Ice said sharply. “Both were slated to attend the ceremony today.”
“Well they didn’t show,” Phoenix watched the unconscious pilot closely. “And he—he changed immediately when he saw the empty seats. I—I don’t know if he called them after the ceremony or what but he said his mom called him a murderer—“
“The hell he is!”
“ Pete , that’s enough,” Ice interjected, though he looked just as upset.
“Tom, that’s—“
Jake sat up suddenly, gasping as fresh tears carved trails down his cheeks. “I—- s-s-shit what—”
“Easy, easy kiddo, try to take a deep breath,” Maverick soothed, grabbing his shoulders firmly, laying him back down on the couch. “Just stay here for a second… you passed out, okay? You’re okay though—everything’s okay….”
“M-m-mav—?” the blond frowned, trying to figure out what the hell had happened.
“Yeah, bud, it’s okay,” the older pilot said gently, running a hand through the sweaty clumps of hair. “You’re okay.”
Jake just stared wide eyed at his captain, starting to tremble.
Maverick was here . A quick glance around the room proved that he wasn’t alone, either. The COMPACFLT was here, and Rooster was here and it was like everyone and their brother came to watch him have a mental breakdown and he—why was he even still here? None of them would respect him now. He was a screw up of epic proportions! He’d—- I mean— his own parents hadn’t wanted him. He’d killed people! He was—
The blond suddenly covered his face with his hands, whimpering softly.
“Bradley?” Ice spoke quietly. “Why don’t you ride with Natasha and go home.”
“Pops–” Bradley wanted to argue. Neither he nor Nat wanted to leave Jake the way he was.
“We’ll be behind you by only a little bit,” Ice continued, eyes never leaving Jake. It was clear to him that the kid was spiraling and spiraling hard. The last thing he needed was an audience.
“Yes sir,” Rooster sighed, reaching out to tug on Natasha’s arm. “C’mon, Nat.”
“Roo, no way! We—”
“C’mon,” he insisted.
Phoenix turned to level a hard stare at her commanding officer. “You’ll bring Jake with you, correct?”
Ice smirked slightly, enjoying the tenacity and protectiveness of the younger aviator. “We won’t go anywhere without him, Nat. I promise.”
She stared at him for a moment longer before nodding and turning to follow Bradley out of the apartment.
Maverick, meanwhile, was gently prying Jake’s hands off of his face. “Hey, easy kid, you don’t want to hurt yourself—c’mon sweetheart, there we go— let me see those eyes, Jake.”
“J-j-just go, Pops,” Seresin tried to dissuade.
“Nope, not going anywhere, kiddo,” Maverick shook his head, finally succeeding in holding Jake’s hands away from his face. He helped the blond sit up and kept a steadying hand on the side of his face as Jake trembled. “You can take as long as you need, bud, but I’m staying right here.”
“Why?” Distrusting green eyes finally met Pete’s.
“Because it’s obvious that you need someone in your corner and you are apparently not used to getting it. So, suck it up, Seresin, I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”
Jake winced at the use of his last name. “M-m-may not be a Seresin anymore, Pops.”
Pete sighed as the kid practically deflated. “Do you wanna talk about it, kiddo?”
“Not much to say,” he shrugged halfheartedly, trying desperately to get a grip on his emotions.
“We know that something’s been bothering you kid, and for the last several days it seems to have gotten worse,” Ice offered, moving to sit next to Jake. “We want to help you, but we can’t if you don’t let us in.”
Jake’s mind raced. None of this made any sense!
His own parents, his flesh and blood, had, for all intents and purposes, disowned him. And for years before that, they’d made him fight tooth and nail for any semblance or shred of care and acknowledgement. So why on earth were two of his commanding officers, men he greatly admired in multiple capacities, sitting with him now? Trying to offer him support and help him, just because they noticed he’d been upset all week?
“I d-d-don’t understand why you care,” he eventually muttered, brow furrowed.
“Because we care about you , Jake,” Mav said firmly, squeezing the nape of his neck. “We’re worried, sweetheart. Please tell us what’s going on.”
The younger pilot seemed to puzzle over that. The older two continued to gently reassure him, Ice reaching over to check for a fever as Maverick gently massaged the tension building in his neck.
“M n’t—“ Jake sucked in a sharp breath before rushing through the rest of his statement. “M not sure I’m a Seresin anymore.”
“What happened, J?” Ice prodded gently.
“I—it’s going to sound s-s-s-stupid,” he hung his head.
“If it upsets you, it isn’t stupid,” Pete insisted, running a hand through Jake’s hair.
“I-I-I’m a naval aviator—-I’ve flown hundreds of missions and I—I’m damn good, sir. S-s-so why d-d-do I completely fall ‘part the second my mama—the second she says somethin’? Or the second I l-l-learn they’re comin’ to the ceremony? Why—-I don’t even know why I cared. Cleaned, made r-reservations, bought fuckin’ flowers,” he sniffed, scrubbing angrily at his face. “Never good ‘nough. W’s proud of the team. Wanted to show them I—that I’d finally ‘mounted to somethin’. Had—had been s’long. J’st wanted to show ‘em. Made m-m-me so fuckin’ sick all week j’st tryin’ to be good ‘nough and they didn’t even show!”
Ice and Mav exchanged tense looks. That—was a lot to unpack. The poor kid had obviously been repressing a hell of a lot of feelings, and it was clear that it was all boiling over. Making himself sick, trying so desperately to please parents that clearly hadn’t cared for the younger man in a very,very long time, if they had ever .
“How long has it been since you saw them, sweetheart?” Maverick wasn’t sure where to start with all that Jake had shared but it would appear that it had been a very long time coming.
“Almost 12 years,” his voice was startling monotone then, staring blankly in front of him. “Came home from the ‘cademy for break and t-t-they said to stop comin’ home.”
Something deep in both men broke at how forlorn the younger pilot looked. That was almost as long as they’d been without Bradley, and they knew how that had felt.
“Did they say why they didn’t come today, J?” Ice’s voice was much warmer than his callsign implied, and he wrapped an arm around the other blond when he saw him start trembling again. “It’s okay, kid, you don’t have to say.”
“S-s-s-she c’lled me a m’rder’r,” he suddenly began sobbing once more, his mother’s voice echoing through his head.
“What?”
“S-s-said someone from the Navy c’lled ‘bout the ceremony and said they must be p-p-proud of me for havin’ the most air to airs in this g-generation an’ they couldn’t support celebratin’ murder—“
“Oh sweetheart, no,” Maverick pulled him into a tight hug, letting him sob against his chest as Ice rubbed soothingly on his back. “You’re not a murderer, Jake. You made an impossibly choice in a horrible situation but it was you or them, Brad and I or them and you did what you had to do.”
“You may not be here otherwise, kiddo,” Ice agreed. “And Pete and B definitely wouldn’t. You did what you had to do so you didn’t end up dead.”
“S-s-s-she said I sh’ld’ve if it meant not killin’.”
Maverick went ramrod straight, tensing completely as he heard the muffled, watery whisper. “She said what? ”
Jake’s mumbled response was so muffled, the older pilot leaned back slightly, trying to meet his gaze. “Jake?”
“S-s-s-said I w’s s’good as dead to ‘em now anyway, so—-‘M such an id’t, Pops. D’d everythin’ to try and make ‘em happy or proud an’ nothin’ s’ever ‘nough. They don’t want me!“
“Good fuckin’ riddance,” Pete growled, tugging the blond back into a tight hug, one hand cradling the back of his head.
“Pete—“
“No, Tom,” green eyes flashed dangerously. “Who the fuck does, I mean— Jake, listen to me sweetheart, okay? We are so proud of you, I promise you. I am, Tom is, the other Daggers are! We love you, kid. And I know you don’t believe any of that now, and that’s okay, but I promise I’m not going to stop until you do.”
“You’re one of us, kiddo,” Ice agreed, warm hand tracing light patterns on his back. “And you’re a hell of an aviator and a good man. You’re not an idiot for wanting to be wanted. That’s human . You shouldn’t have to strive for anyone’s attention—“
“Or affection,” Pete interjected, still holding Jake close. “And you don’t have to, ever again. Like Tom said, you’re one of us, sweetheart. We’re gonna keep an eye on you and look after you from here on out. No more making yourself sick trying to belong somewhere, okay? You belong here .”
Jake pulled back slightly, trying to convince himself this was real , that it was actually happening. That Maverick was holding him, telling him he finally belonged somewhere.
“What is it, J?” Ice frowned, noting the hesitant look.
“Tryin’ to make sure this is—d’ya really mean it?”
Maverick’s heart broke as he reached out to cup the blond’s face. “Jake, I swear on my wings that I mean every word, and I’ll remind you everyday, as often as you need me to, until it sinks in, okay?”
“You can stop runnin’ kid. Let us catch you.”
Jake reached out to embrace the older pilot this time, pulling Maverick close once more. He gratefully buried his head in the other man’s chest, eagerly relishing in the warmth and safety of the hug.
It was going to be a hell of a long road to relearn how to function as a normal human. To not be constantly seeking validation and pushing himself beyond his physical and mental limits in the hopes of mattering to someone.
His head was still aching, he still felt like puking, and he’d never felt as exhausted as he did in that exact moment. But he’d also never felt so safe, so wanted, so loved.