Archive of Our Own

Everything means nothin’ if I can’t have you - Shawn Mendes 

Taehyung knows it’s not necessarily a good idea, knows that he’s putting his heart on the line once again, but he needs to forget. So, he takes his phone out of his pocket and sends a text to the one person, he knows, will be able to empty his mind like no one else could.

[to Jungkook: I need you.]

Taehyung doesn’t care if desperation is bleeding into the syllables he types, all he cares about is the answer that comes a few seconds later, and the man behind it.

[from Jungkook: I’m sorry, but I’m at Blue’s for a two hour set. I can come to yours afterwards though.]

Two hours? It’s too long, and Taehyung can’t wait. He needs Jungkook now, needs someone to hold onto, even if it won’t last.

Of course, Taehyung could have called Jimin, his best friend, instead. But it would have meant talking. And Taehyung doesn’t want to talk. He wants to feel, to breathe again, to unlearn his own name, and only Jungkook has the power to do that when he fucks him into oblivion. And that’s exactly what he needs right now.

Taehyung makes up his mind in a fraction of a second. It might be reckless, but he decides to go to the club Jungkook is DJing at. Because he needs to see him, to get lost in him for a while and forget what it’s like on the other side.

Taehyung puts on his leather jacket and leaves his apartment without even checking what he looks like in the mirror. He doesn’t need to.

Taehyung knows he looks smoking hot in his tight, black ripped jeans, black, sparkling crop top, and black combat boots. He knows he looks ethereal with the black eyeliner, the dark eyeshadow highlighting his brown eyes, and his loose inky locks which frame his face seductively.

Taehyung knows that he could bring anyone home tonight if he wanted to, but his heart only whispers Jungkook’s name, over and over again.

It’s stupid, really, that Taehyung fell for his friend with benefits . But how could he have not, when a kiss from Jungkook has him breathless and desperate for more? It was meant to happen. It was meant for his heart to beat at the same rhythm as Jungkook’s.

Taehyung knows that what they have is not on a no strings attached level anymore, it runs so much deeper than that. At least, for him. He doesn’t know what Jungkook feels, what he really wants, because he doesn’t speak about their… arrangement .

Taehyung was the one who suggested it, the one who craved for a physical contact with another man that wouldn’t lead to a scandal or his face being on the front page of the country’s tabloïds. Jungkook was— is —a safe choice.

Jungkook was a friend before anything else, someone Taehyung could trust with his body, with his mind, with his heart . He knew that it wouldn’t hurt to hook up with him, that it would be easy. But now…

Now, things have changed and Taehyung wants what he can’t have.

Taehyung looks fleetingly at the mirror in the elevator and sees the sadness in his eyes. A sadness he can’t escape no matter how hard he tries to fake being happy, to pretend that everything is alright. Everything isn’t alright.

In a perfect world, Taehyung would be with Jungkook, he would be allowed to love him just like he already does in silence. But he doesn’t live in such a world, he’s stuck in another one, in a universe where his agency doesn’t want him to come out, to be in a relationship in the open if it’s not with a woman. And it fucking hurts .

Taehyung only wants to be free, to love who he wants to love, to live how he wants to live. But he can’t. He’s trapped inside a golden cage and his wings are broken. He can’t fly, can’t escape. There’s no way out for him. Or so it seems. 

When the elevator reaches the ground floor, Taehyung steps out of it. He’s quick to put on a mask before he ends up on the sidewalk. He hails a taxi and, a few seconds later, he’s sitting in the backseat of it, headed to Blue.

Did Taehyung make the right choice? He doesn’t know. But his heart is pounding in the swell of his ribcage, hard, fast, at the thought of seeing Jungkook, of being in his arms again.

Taehyung is weak, so weak for Jungkook. The DJ is everything he wants, everything he needs, everything he craves . Has been for a while, even when Taehyung was blind to his own emotions.

It took only one night, when Jungkook didn’t leave after they fucked, when Taehyung woke up in the DJ’s arms, for him to want a forever with Jungkook. It felt right, to stay in Jungkook’s embrace all night, to wake up to him already looking at Taehyung softly, almost tenderly. It made Taehyung believe that they could have more, that they could be more.

Maybe Taehyung is deluding himself, maybe Jungkook doesn’t want him the way he wants the DJ, but he knows that there’s something between them, something that can’t be denied. It’s more than just mind-blowing sex. It’s a kind of connection you only experience once in your life. Jungkook is like a soulmate.

It’s cheesy, to think about the DJ like that, but Taehyung can’t help it, can’t help how he knows that Jungkook and him just… fit , like they were made for each other.

When they’re together, Taehyung feels them, the sparks, the fireworks, the butterflies. Every damn time. All he needs is to be with Jungkook to feel like a blushing teenager with a crush on the bad boy all over again.

Jungkook made his way under his walls and into his heart so easily that Taehyung didn’t realize the DJ had already carved his own space there until it was too late. But if he ever got a chance to rewrite their story, he wouldn’t change a thing.

No matter how much it hurts sometimes, loving Jungkook is the best thing that has ever happened to Taehyung, and he doesn’t want to fight his feelings, doesn't want to stop loving this man who might never be his.

Taehyung looks out the window at the bustling city, at the people walking on the sidewalks, at the couples holding hands and laughing together. He wants that. He wants that, badly. 

With Jungkook, Taehyung wants it all. And it’s getting harder and harder to keep his distance from the DJ, to not blurt out his feelings to him.

What would happen if Taehyung were to tell Jungkook that he loves him? Rejection, probably. And it’s that probability that keeps Taehyung from pouring his heart out to Jungkook. That, and his fear of losing him, forever.

Taehyung prefers to act like he’s satisfied with what they have, to pretend that it doesn’t hurt to not have all of Jungkook. He’s a coward. If he weren’t, he wouldn’t live his life the way he does, but the way he desires to.

Is it really so hard to fight for what he wants? Is it really so hard to fight for his dreams to come true? 

Taehyung sighs and lets his gaze drift away from the window. Sometimes, he wishes he was an ordinary man, just like his taxi driver. But he’s not. Taehyung has been living under the spotlight since he was sixteen. In twelve years, he built up a career as a model, as an actor. And he loves doing what he does. He really loves it. But, deep down, he knows he could live without fame, without having to hide who he truly is.

Taehyung has come to a point in his life where he only wants to be happier. He’s put his own happiness aside for too long, and now… now, he wants to seek it, even if it means losing everything he has along the way.

Taehyung is ready to say goodbye to his career, to his friends . The only one he isn’t ready to say goodbye to, is Jungkook. The DJ is his flicker of happiness when the world is too cruel to handle. He can’t let him go.

Maybe it’s selfish of Taehyung to keep Jungkook locked in what they have, what they share, but he can’t find it in himself to put a stop to it. It’s better to have pieces of Jungkook than nothing at all. Or so he tells himself.

But is it fair to Jungkook? Taehyung doesn’t know. Maybe not. Probably not. Jungkook could have a real relationship with someone else, not an ersatz of a relationship with Taehyung. He could have so much more. So why does he keep coming back to Taehyung, as Taehyung does with him?

Taehyung doesn’t want to read too much into it. But he can’t help but let tendrils of hope grow in his chest at the thought of Jungkook wanting him like that , too.

The taxi driver parks his vehicle in front of Blue, and Taehyung gets out of the car. He sees a queue of people on the street, waiting to go into the club, and he walks past them. When he’s standing near the bouncer, Taehyung takes off his mask, and the guy lets him in without a word after stamping the back of his hand. 

Once inside, Taehyung is met with a sight he’s familiar with. Faceless people dancing, drinking, making out under the neon lights coming from the spots resembling lightsabers hanging on the ceiling. It’s loud, it’s hot, it’s sweaty, it’s everything a club is meant to be. A place to be young, wild and free.

Taehyung loves going to clubs like this one, loves being able to forget for a while who he is supposed to be, what he is supposed to do. Here, he can dance, can shout, can drink his sorrow in a glass of whiskey without anyone judging him for it. He’s just another human amongst his peers, nothing less, nothing more. 

But the feeling never lasts. It’s only a bubble that bursts after a few hours. And then, Taehyung has to face the whole wide world and its harsh reality again.

Taehyung can’t dream like everyone else. It hurts to even try, because he knows that his dreams will remain just that, dreams, never a reality, never his reality. The husband— Jungkook , the little house, the kids, the cool art teacher job. He will never have that.

Taehyung stopped believing that he could have another life. Resigned, he kept on living the one he got used to. The photoshoots, the runways, the film sets. And he knows, for a lot of people, it is a dream life. But not for him. Not anymore.

Taehyung is exhausted, and he’s aware that, now more than ever, his façade is slipping, crackling, crumbling. And there’s nothing he can do about it. 

As Taehyung walks through the crowd, the conversation he had earlier with his manager and his team comes back to him. He remembers vividly every word they said to him, every dagger they threw at him, piercing his heart at each syllable that left their mouths.

It’s Taehyung’s fault. He wants to play the lead role in the BL, The Boy Next Door , the one he received an offer for. He wants it, but he can’t do it. His agency doesn’t want him to play a gay character, not today, not tomorrow, not ever. And they made that very clear.

You can’t play a faggot, it’s not good for your image.

It made Taehyung angry, it brought tears to his eyes, to hear that word being said to him. He wanted to scream, to yell, to shout. He wanted to break everything in the conference room. But he didn’t. Like always, he kept his mouth shut.

Forget about this shitty drama. We have a plan to fix you.

Fix? There’s nothing to fix in Taehyung. He’s not broken. Damaged, maybe. However, his pieces are still glued together, some hanging by a thread, yes, but still there.

You’re going to date a female idol. We have it all planned out. Starting next week—

And that’s when Taehyung tuned out the conversation his team was having with him. His hands were turning into fists, and he wanted to punch everyone in the room. But he refrained from doing so. Why? Because he’s weak, and pathetic, and a wimp.

Taehyung let them talk about his future, about how they could change who he is deep inside, about how they could make him fall in love with a woman. It wasn’t about publicity anymore, they were attacking him as a person, as a human being. And it hurt like hell.

And all that for what? Because Taehyung wanted to play a gay character in a short drama series, because he wanted to take this opportunity to come out to the world, because he wanted to stop hiding, to stop concealing his true self and his emotions. Fuck this!

Taehyung is shaking thinking about it. He still wants to cry, to scream, to throw up, but he won’t. He has to be stronger than the bullshit that was spewed to him, stronger than the people who have been controlling him and his every move for years. But can he?

Taehyung is lost. He just wants this madness to… stop. And, deep down, he thinks he knows what he has to do.

All the lights suddenly turn off, and the club is plunged into darkness. Taehyung stops walking. Around him, heavy breaths fill the air as everyone waits for something to happen.

And then, the lights start flashing, one after the other, before the club is bathed in neon lights once again. Taehyung lifts his head and, right there , he sees Jungkook on the stage, standing behind the turntables. And his breath is taken away instantly.

Jungkook is wearing his signature black combat boots, paired with black leather pants, and a black tank top, showing off his tattooed arm nicely. The black beanie that adorns his head fails to hide all of his electric blue hair. He’s got multiple chains around his neck, and diamond rings on all his fingers. He looks like he came straight out of Taehyung’s fantasies.

Taehyung wants to touch him, to lick him, to bite him. It’s so hard to resist the temptation when it’s looking like Jeon Jungkook. The DJ is the epitome of hot, of sexy, of irresistible. And Taehyung is just a man. A weak, weak man.

But mostly, Taehyung wants to be held by Jungkook, to have him whisper sweet nothings in his ears as they cuddle, to be kissed languidly like he’s the only one. Yes, he loves being fucked by Jungkook, but what happens after is his favorite moment. The one where there’s just them, the one where nothing else matters. It makes him believe that what he dreams of, is within his reach.

And maybe it is. Maybe, Taehyung can still hope that Jungkook will reciprocate his feelings. Maybe, tonight is the night Taehyung will confess. Maybe. 

Everyone around Taehyung starts hollering and jumping up and down as they notice Jungkook on stage. The DJ became really famous in Seoul’s nightlife these past few years. His music is unparalleled, and he delivers hit after hit, collabing with the biggest pop stars and rappers all around the world.

Jungkook has made a name for himself, JK , and Taehyung couldn’t be more proud of him. Because he knows how much Jungkook has worked for this, how much he struggled when he came out two years ago. He remembers when the DJ was on the verge of giving up, before he collabed with The Kid Laroi and Troye Sivan and everything changed for him.

Jungkook is famous, for his looks, for his music, for his fight for the LGBTQ+ people’s rights in South Korea. He lives however he wants, unapologetically. And Taehyung wants to do the same. To break free from his chains. To let go. To breathe again.

As Taehyung looks at Jungkook, he decides that he won’t go to him just yet, that he will enjoy the DJ’s set and dance his worries away for a while. He can wait, even if, deep down, he’s desperate to get lost in Jungkook.

And so, when the first song blasts through the speakers, Taehyung starts to dance. His body moves to the rhythm imposed by Jungkook, and he loses himself in the music.

Taehyung lets the beats of the song pierce through him, lets himself drown in the upbeat sounds filling the air all around him. He loves this, loves dancing to Jungkook’s songs. It reminds him of the times Jungkook and him slow danced together in his kitchen, of the times Jungkook made him listen to his songs first, just because .

In his heart, Taehyung knows that they’re close, closer than they should be for friends with benefits. But they never really established any rules between them, they just lived in the moment. And it has blurred the lines for Taehyung. Because Jungkook is everything he ever wanted, everything he ever needed, everything he ever craved .

Falling in love was not in Taehyung’s plans. But Jungkook happened. They had been friends for a few years before they agreed to become friends with benefits. And Taehyung was already smitten with the DJ, even if he didn’t admit it aloud. There was just something about Jungkook that drew him in, that made Taehyung want to be with him, always. 

It’s the reason why something that was meant to be purely physical became more, way more, in the months they got closer to each other. Because Taehyung became addicted to Jungkook. Not only to the way the DJ fucks him, but also to the way he is as a person. Now, Taehyung needs his daily fix of Jungkook, be it a text, a selfie, or a video call. He needs to see him, to hear him, to feel him. He needs and it’s not something that was supposed to happen.

But who cares? Taehyung isn’t hurting anyone, if not himself, by loving Jungkook the way he does. However, if he were to confess, if his feelings were to be requited… then, yes, it would hurt. Not him, not Jungkook, but his fans, his so-called friends who gravitate around him because he’s famous, and his agency’s team. However, Taehyung knows that the hurt would be worth it, if it meant being Jungkook’s.

That’s all Taehyung wants, all Taehyung dreams about. Being with Jungkook . He’s ready to risk it all for the other man. He’s ready to lose everything he has, because everything means nothing if he can’t have Jungkook.

Taehyung never imagined that their deal would lead him in this club tonight, on the verge of confessing his feelings to Jungkook. But here he is, ready to lay his heart in front of the man he loves, ready to have his dreams crushed if Jungkook were to reject him. 

It’s now or never.

You wrap around me and you give me life
And that's why night after night
I'll be fuckin' you right

The lyrics of Seven fill the room and Taehyung feels a shiver run down his spine as he hears Jungkook’s smooth voice singing them. The sensuality, the sexiness the DJ exudes drives Taehyung mad . He longs for the moment he will be under Jungkook again, for the moment he will be fucked like crazy, again.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday (A week)
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday
Seven days a week
Every hour, every minute, every second
You know night after night
I'll be fuckin' you right

Taehyung knows tonight might be the last time he gets to touch Jungkook, to be in his arms, to feel him. He knows there might not be another night, another hour, another minute, another second of them being together. He knows, and it hurts, so deep.

Taehyung knows that Jungkook ruined him for anyone else, knows that if the DJ doesn’t want him back, he’ll never find somebody else. His heart belongs to Jungkook, now and forever. He’s Taehyung’s one and only. He’ll always be Taehyung’s one and only. 

It might seem pathetic to hang onto someone else like Taehyung does with Jungkook without knowing if his feelings will be reciprocated or not. But Taehyung has never been able to control his heart, especially when it's beating as fast and hard as it does when Jungkook is around.

Taehyung has always wanted to know what love is, and with Jungkook, he found its meaning. He found it in Jungkook’s soft smiles when Taehyung beams at him, in Jungkook’s giggles when Taehyung tells him a bad joke, in Jungkook’s sweet words every time Taehyung feels down for whatever reason.

It’s in the way Jungkook holds him tight, in the way he whispers praises in his ear as they have sex, in the way he looks at him with those star-filled eyes like he can’t believe that Taehyung wants to be with him . The little things. It’s all about the little things. 

The song switches to 3D and Taehyung feels a smile curl on his plump, pink lips. He loves this song; loves the way Jungkook seems to whisper into his ear I just wanna see you like that, see you like that ; loves the way Jungkook sings 'cause you know how I like it, boy ; loves the way Jungkook lets it be clear that you won't regret me. And it’s true, Taehyung could never regret him. Never. 

And as Taehyung keeps dancing, keeps feeling the music, he lets the memories Jungkook and him shared flood his mind. And he’s reminded, once again of the reason why he’s still smiling despite everything he’s going through. Jungkook, Jungkook, Jungkook .

Jungkook, the hotness incarnate, and sex god. Jungkook, the sweet, cute bunny boy. Jungkook, the friend who saved Taehyung from himself. Jungkook is just perfect with all his imperfections, perfect for him. 

Sweat drips down Taehyung’s back as he dances the night away. He doesn’t stop. He sways to the rhythm of every beat of every song that Jungkook plays. He lets himself smile, and sing. He lets his heart beat, loud, and free..

It feels good, great even, to forget about everything else for a while. Taehyung’s only focus is Jungkook’s music, so sensual and addictive, and the DJ himself, looking so hot on stage. God, he wants him, wants him so bad .

Because Taehyung knows how it feels to have Jungkook’s hands tracing the lines of his body. He knows how it feels to have Jungkook’s lips claiming his own in a bruising kiss. He knows how it feels to have Jungkook’s cock sheathed inside him, making him see stars. He knows, and he just can’t get enough.

Taehyung feels hot as he looks at Jungkook, at his tattooed arms, glistening with sweat, at his lips, which he licks and bites lasciviously. Fuck. It should be illegal to look like that. It makes Taehyung’s heart beat just that tad bit faster, just that tad bit harder.

Jungkook looks like a sin, and Taehyung is ready, more than ready, to be consumed by him, to be torn apart, shattered and glued back together again.

When the last song ends, Taehyung moves to the side, far away from the crowd of people, and rests his back against a wall. He fishes his phone out of his pocket and sends a text to Jungkook.

[to Jungkook: You were incredible tonight. I’m glad I came to see you.]

Taehyung watches Jungkook get off the stage and disappear through a door in the back. Even from afar, he looks damn attractive and it’s unfair. Taehyung chuckles as the thought crosses his mind, and, just then, his phone pings with a new notification.

[from Jungkook: I gave your name to the security. Come backstage, baby doll.]

Taehyung smiles, before putting his phone back in his pocket. He walks towards the security guard who is standing in front of the door leading to the backstage and gives him his name. When the door is opened for Taehyung, he steps inside a dark hallway, only lit up by neon lights, and walks until he sees another door with Jungkook’s name taped on it.

Taehyung takes a deep breath and lifts his hand to knock. As he does, he feels his pulse quicken. He’s nervous, nervous like he’s never been in his whole entire life. Behind that door is the love of his life, and he might lose him. A few words, a few seconds, are all it will take to seal his fate. Endless happiness or heartbreak. 

“Come in.”

Even through the door, Jungkook’s low voice sends a shiver licking at Taehyung’s spine. Fuck, the effect the DJ has on him is crazy. Be it his voice, his lips, his hands, Jungkook always knows how to turn Taehyung into a mess, a beautiful, beautiful mess.

Taehyung opens the door and enters the dressing room. Once inside, he closes the door behind him and locks it, before turning around and facing Jungkook. Jungkook, who’s smirking, that sexy bastard.

Taehyung gulps, words stuck in his throat, as he looks at Jungkook, who’s seated on a blue couch, the color matching the one of his hair. The DJ is manspreading, arms placed on the back of the couch, like he owns every inch of it. And he looks hot, so damn hot, that it’s almost hard to keep his gaze on him.

“Hi, baby doll.”

“Hey,” Taehyung breathes out.

“Won’t you come closer?” Jungkook asks.

Taehyung feels his heart pounding, so hard, so fast, that he fears it will fly out of his ribcage. He wouldn’t mind, if it was to have it go and nestle beside Jungkook’s own heart, where it belongs.

Taehyung takes the steps that separate him from the man he wants more than anything, and stops only when he’s in between Jungkook’s legs. He looks down at Jungkook, at his lips that he desperately wants to feel against his own, at his galaxy-filled eyes that he wants to get lost into forever, at the molde under his bottom lip that he wants to lick.

Taehyung looks, and the more he does, the more he feels wave after wave of want, of need, crash down on him. There’s no denying the fact that he craves Jungkook and what the DJ can do to him. He craves, like he’s never craved before. And it should be scary, and it is scary, but he’s not afraid. Not when he’s with Jungkook.

“ Closer ,” Jungkook whispers.

And Taehyung doesn’t hesitate before straddling Jungkook and lacing his arms around the DJ’s neck. He feels Jungkook’s hands coming to rest on his waist, under his leather jacket, and it burns . The touch… Taehyung has been longing for it these past hours. And now, he just wants to be touched, to be fucked, to be unraveled.

“I missed you,” Jungkook confesses.

“Missed you too.”

It’s only been two weeks since they last saw each other, two weeks too long. Taehyung resisted the urge to call Jungkook every day, but not today, he couldn't do it today. Today, he couldn’t see himself staying away from Jungkook, couldn’t see himself protecting his heart. It was too hard.

And so, here Taehyung is, sitting on Jungkook’s thighs, with the DJ’s hands on him, with just an inch of space between their lips. And he’s ready to take what he needs.

“Why did you come here tonight?” Jungkook inquires.

“Needed to see you. Needed to forget.”

“Forget what?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Taehyung says, voice quivering.

“Tae…”

“No. Please. Just… just make me forget,” Taehyung begs. 

Jungkook looks at Taehyung like he’s searching for something in his troubled eyes, and maybe he finds it, because the next second, he has a hand on Taehyung’s nape and he guides his head down until their foreheads collide softly.

“I’ll make you forget,” Jungkook whispers as he rubs his nose against Taehyung’s. “But you have to promise me one thing.”

“What?”

“Afterwards, you’ll tell me what’s wrong.”

“Okay,” Taehyung agrees, biting on his bottom lip.

“Okay?”

“Yeah,” Taehyung breathes out. 

“Good boy.” 

It’s the last thing Taehyung hears before he feels Jungkook’s lips crashing down on his. He closes his eyes and submits to the press of Jungkook’s mouth against his. And it’s rough, the way the DJ kisses him, it’s deep, untamed, and intoxicating. And Taehyung already can’t get enough of the bliss he feels as Jungkook devours him, consumes him.

Taehyung feels gone . With every single swipe of Jungkook’s tongue over his own, every collision of the DJ’s lip piercings against the seam of his lips, every time they pull apart, and go back in—he loses himself, just a little bit more.

And Taehyung kisses back, hard, like he’s afraid of losing Jungkook, and he is. He kisses back with all he has, all he is, letting his tongue tangle with Jungkook’s, letting their breaths and spit mingle. And it’s sexy, it’s hot, it’s everything he needs right now, everything he’s waited for, everything he could ever possibly want.

When they break apart, Taehyung is panting and his lips are swollen, bruised. He licks them, tasting Jungkook’s want on them. And he smiles.

“You should smile more,” Jungkook murmurs, his thumb caressing the skin behind Taehyung’s ear.

“I smile when I’m with you,” Taehyung says. 

“Then we should see each other more,” Jungkook declares before chasing after Taehyung’s lips again without waiting for an answer of any sort.

And Taehyung drowns. He drowns in Jungkook’s kiss, in his sweet scent, in the feel of Jungkook’s fingers tugging at his hair to keep him in place. He forgets how to breathe, how to swim to reach the surface again. He forgets and it feels good, so good, too good maybe.

But Taehyung doesn’t stop. He keeps on kissing Jungkook, keeps on getting lost in the drag of lips against his, in the slow heat that flares and builds in his blood, in the slick slide of tongues. And he lets his moans mingle and bleed together with Jungkook’s rough, drawn out grunts.

“Fuck, you taste so good, baby doll,” Jungkook groans when they part for air.  “I could—”

Taehyung shuts Jungkook up by leaning in and capturing the DJ’s lips with his own. He takes control of the kiss and they make out heavily, lips parted, tongues sliding hot and wet against each other. 

And it’s wet, it’s messy, it’s frantic the way they kiss each other like there will be no tomorrow. And maybe there won’t be one. Maybe tonight is the last time they’ll get to kiss, to touch, to fuck. It splits Taehyung’s heart in pieces, just thinking about it.

But Taehyung lets the thought go away at one particular harsh kiss that leaves him breathless. All he wants right now is Jungkook. All he wants right now is to forget about everything that is not related to the DJ.

Taehyung sucks in a harsh breath when he feels Jungkook’s hands fall on his ass, when he feels them knead the flesh. It makes Taehyung moan and whimper, the way Jungkook touches him like he owns every piece of him. And he does. God, he does.

Feeling hot, Taehyung gets rid of his leather jacket and lets it fall to the floor. Instantly, he feels Jungkook’s hands travel underneath his crop top, fingers skimming over his ribs, softly, almost delicately, in stark contrast with the bruising kisses Jungkook shares with him.

Taehyung shivers under the younger's touch, and chases after it. He loves when Jungkook’s hands are on him, when they map him out like he’s their territory. Because he is. He is Jungkook’s. And, no matter what happens tonight, he will always be Jungkook’s.

No other man has ever left his trace on Taehyung like Jungkook has. He’s everywhere. In every corner of his mind, of his heart, of his soul, of his body. He has claimed Taehyung in so many ways that it’s ridiculous to think that the model could ever belong to someone else.

“I love kissing you,” Jungkook whispers against Taehyung’s spit-slicked lips when they break apart.

“Then, kiss me more,” Taehyung says, letting their lips brush.

And Jungkook does. And it’s a frantic clash of mouths, hot and hungry for each other. And it’s everything Taehyung needed and more. 

The more they kiss, the more they chase after each other’s lips, the more Taehyung feels himself hardening in his jeans. He whines into Jungkook’s mouth, before starting to grind on him. He hears Jungkook groan as he moves on top of him, as he searches for some friction and the wrecked sound encourages him to, once more, take what he needs. 

The moans that drip from Taehyung’s lips when the shape of Jungkook’s hard cock drags against his own are downright filthy, downright sinful. But not more than the growls that Jungkook lets out. It turns Taehyung on. It ignites a fire within him that nothing can extinguish. And he burns. He burns, burns, burns , and it feels so good that he can’t do anything else but throw himself into the flames.

The kiss, the hands roaming under his crop top, it sends a hot curl of desire to the bottom of Taehyung’s stomach. Especially when Jungkook’s fingertips trace the line of his spine, making him arch his back and their chests collide. He can feel it then, Jungkook’s heart, beating as fast, as hard as his, like they’re in sync, like they’re playing the same tune.

Ba dum. Ba dum. Ba dum.

It’s uncontrollable, the way Taehyung’s heart, Taehyung’s body react to Jungkook. His skin prickles with the urge to be closer to the DJ. Always closer. Straddling his luscious thighs, grinding on his hard cock, kissing his plump lips, it’s everything but not enough at the same time.

Taehyung needs to feel Jungkook inside him, to fuse together with him, to be one with the man he loves. He needs it, badly.

Jungkook’s lips leave Taehyung’s own and Taehyung whines at the loss. Jungkook only smirks at him, before he lets his nose skim over the column of Taehyung’s neck, before his tongue comes to lave over the tanned skin there.

Taehyung sighs, and cranes his neck to leave more room for Jungkook, who starts to leave a trail of open-mouthed kisses down his throat. Taehyung wishes Jungkook could leave marks, there, right there ; wishes he could look at them in the mirror the following day and feel like he belongs to the DJ. But it won’t happen. It can’t happen. And it makes Taehyung’s eyes gloss over with unshed tears.

“I can’t get enough of you,” Jungkook whispers against Taehyung’s skin, kissing the pulse on his neck, and Taehyung feels like dying , right here on his lap. 

“Me neither,” Taehyung breathes out.

And it’s true. Taehyung can’t get enough of Jungkook, of his lips, of his hands. He needs him more than he needs to breathe.

Taehyung gets rid of Jungkook’s beanie, before threading his fingers into the electric blue hair and tugging at it. Jungkook groans as he is forced to let his head fall back and Taehyung leans in to seal their lips together again. 

The kiss is rough, and deep, and untamed, and Taehyung feels like all the air is punched out of his lungs as Jungkook takes him apart. Nothing can compare to the feeling of getting to kiss Jungkook like that, of being kissed back. Nothing.

It makes Taehyung’s heart go haywire in the swell of his ribcage, makes Taehyung’s mind reel, makes Taehyung’s soul feel whole again. 

“Fuck, baby doll, you drive me crazy,” Jungkook says, nose brushing against Taehyung’s.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You’re such a good kisser. Makes me want you more.”

“I’m all yours, to take, to ruin.”

Jungkook groans before letting their lips clash in a searing kiss. And it’s hot, scorching hot, the way he tugs Taehyung’s lower lip into his mouth to suckle on it before letting it bounce back. And it’s sexy, undeniably sexy, the feeling of Jungkook’s tongue snaking out to tease over Taehyung’s lips before tangling with his own.

Taehyung loses his mind in between the kisses he shares with Jungkook. But he keeps on rolling his hips seductively, keeps on seeking that delicious, burning friction. He wishes there were no more clothes between them. And so, he breaks the kiss to take off his crop top before throwing it on the ground.

“Shit. You’re one sexy thing, you know that?” Jungkook asks, hands wandering on Taehyung’s chest, fingers playing with his perked nipples.

“I know,” Taehyung answers with a smirk of his own.

Taehyung knows he’s attractive, knows because he’s seen the way people look at him with lust pooling in their eyes, and how their irises darken with desire whenever they fall on him. He knows. But hearing it from Jungkook? It’s different and it makes his heart skip a beat or two.

Taehyung wants to be sexy, to be beautiful, to be mesmerizing for Jungkook, and Jungkook only . He’s had enough of strangers' eyes on him. He only wants Jungkook to see him, all of him.

“Take it off,” Taehyung orders as he tugs on the hem of Jungkook’s tank top. 

“You, take it off,” Jungkook says with a smirk as he lifts his arms in the air.

Taehyung licks his lips, before peeling Jungkook’s tank top off slowly, oh so slowly. His eyes don’t leave the DJ as he reveals his chest, little by little. And Taehyung takes in every strip of skin that progressively gets revealed to him. The strong pectorals, the defined abs, the brown, pierced nipples. Everything about Jungkook is mouth-watering, and Taehyung can’t help but touch.

Taehyung lets go of the tank top that falls to the floor and, as soon as his hands are free, he lets them fall on Jungkook’s chest. They trace the DJ’s lines in a feather-like touch, and Taehyung can see the way Jungkook’s eyes darken as he stares at him hungrily.

“Like what you see?” Jungkook teases.

And Taehyung rolls his eyes, before answering in a whisper: “You know.”

“What do I know?” Jungkook asks, faking cluelessness. 

“That you have the body of a Greek god and that I love every inch of it,” Taehyung huffs, which makes Jungkook laugh.

“You’re so cute,” Jungkook says, a hand coming to cup Taehyung’s cheek.

“I’m not cute,” Taehyung scowls and Jungkook giggles before capturing Taehyung’s mouth with his own.

It’s soft, it’s sweet too, even when the kiss gets deeper, both of them chasing that slick glide of their lips. And it makes Taehyung realize more than ever that he wants this– them –to still exist after this night comes to an end.

“The cutest,” Jungkook whispers against Taehyung’s lips.

“You ass—”

Taehyung is cut by a pair of lips smashing against his. And he can’t do anything but surrender in a whimper. His mouth becomes soft and pliant under Jungkook’s, which makes the DJ tilt his head and kiss him deeper. 

As they kiss, as Jungkook’s hands find their way back to Taehyung’s waist in a bruising grip, every single inch of the model’s body fucking tingles. Throbs. Burns. Every brush of a tongue against his, every groan that drips from Jungkook’s lips into his mouth, every press of a finger into his skin… Everything is electrifying and sends him into an overload.

“Fuck,” Taehyung curses as Jungkook releases his red, swollen lips.

The model lets his forehead softly collide with Jungkook’s. Eyes closed, he breathes in, and out, basking in Jungkook’s flowery scent, in the way the DJ’s thumbs trace undefined shapes on his burning skin. It feels peaceful to be like that with Jungkook, like being safe in the eye of a tornado when everything around you is falling apart.

“I need you to fuck me,” Taehyung whispers as he kisses the line of Jungkook’s jaw before drawing back and locking eyes with him.

The way Jungkook looks at him, makes Taehyung’s heart pulse at a feral pace. The DJ’s eyes are heated, brimming with want, with need and unbridled desire. They’re almost pitch black, except for the stars that Taehyung loves so much shining in them.

“Oh, I’ll fuck you just right ,” Jungkook promises. 

Jungkook heatedly presses their lips together and Taehyung sighs into the kiss. He parts his lips without hesitation when Jungkook’s tongue nudges them. And he groans as their breaths mingle, as their wet muscles tangle and he can feel the intoxicating taste of Jungkook’s tongue enveloping his own.

Taehyung is down bad for Jungkook. It’s stupid, probably, to have fallen in love with his fuck buddy. But he can’t find it in himself to care. Not now, that he has Jungkook’s tongue down his throat and Jungkook’s hands traveling on his body like he’s claiming every inch of it as his.

In fact, Taehyung doesn’t give a shit anymore. All that matters is Jungkook, Jungkook, Jungkook .

“What do you need?” Jungkook asks when they break apart.

“I need you to do whatever you want to me,” Taehyung answers in a whisper.

“Whatever I want? You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

“And if I want you to suck me off?” Jungkook inquires, voice dropping so low that it sends a shiver licking at Taehyung’s spine.

Taehyung doesn’t answer. He simply gets off Jungkook’s lap and falls to his knees in front of him. He puts his hands on Jungkook’s knees, before letting them creep up on the DJ’s thighs, feeling the strong muscles underneath his palms. He only stops when his fingers reach the waistband of Jungkook’s leather pants.

In a teasing mood, Taehyung brushes his index finger against the button of Jungkook’s pants, against his zipper, hearing the DJ’s breath hitch in his throat when he grazes the shape of his cock with his digit.

“Don’t tease,” Jungkook warns.

Taehyung smirks. But he obeys. Swiftly, he pops open the button of Jungkook’s pants, before pulling down the zipper. He then starts to tug on the piece of clothing to peel it off, helped by Jungkook, who lifts his hips, eager to get undressed. The DJ’s heavy gaze is locked on Taehyung as the latter takes his pants off of him and it makes Taehyung tremble.

Taehyung feels seen, naked , under Jungkook’s hungry stare. And that’s all he wants. For someone to see every inch of him, the beautiful and the ugly, the good and the bad. And Jungkook does.

Jungkook sees right through him, sees the scars, the wounds he tries so hard to hide, sees his cute moles, his sinful curves, his eyes… his eyes that hold everything that Taehyung is. He sees and he’s still there, with him.

Once Jungkook is freed of his pants, Taehyung’s gaze drops to his Calvin Klein’s underwear that does little to nothing to hide his erection. And fuck, Jungkook’s cock, even hidden underneath the black boxers, makes Taehyung’s mouth water. Drool almost spills from his lips as he looks at the shape of it.

“It’s all yours, baby doll,” Jungkook says, making Taehyung’s eyes move from his cock to his face.

All yours . If only. If only Jungkook were all his, Taehyung would be the happiest man in the world. But he’s not. He might never be.

Jungkook tangles a hand in Taehyung’s hair. He doesn’t tug at the dark locks, doesn’t push Taehyung’s face down, he just lets it be there as his fingers caress Taehyung’s strands softly. And it grounds Taehyung, it brings him back from his wandering thoughts.

Taehyung bends down and starts to kiss Jungkook’s cock through the boxers. He feels it throb and twitch under his lips and it makes him feel faint with desire.

Taehyung opens his mouth and lets his spit wet Jungkook’s boxers as he mouths at his cock. His tongue laps lasciviously at the shaft until it’s fully erect. Only then, does he get rid of Jungkook’s boxers. The garments pool at the DJ’s ankles, and Taehyung helps him take off his shoes, pants, boxers and socks.

“Shit, you’re so pretty ,” Taehyung says as he sits back on his heels and takes in Jungkook’s naked body.

The defined muscles, the perfect curves, the tattoos and piercings, the honey skin, are simply breathtaking and it’s hard for Taehyung to tear his gaze away from the DJ’s body. Being allowed to touch, to lick, to bite it if he wants to, it makes him dizzy.

Taehyung slides in between Jungkook’s legs, getting closer to him, to his cock. And when his gaze drifts to it, he can’t help but wet his lips with his tongue once again. He wants it, wants it so bad.

Taehyung looks up, eyes locking with Jungkook’s, and the whirlwind of emotions he sees in the latter’s irises is enough to send sparks of heat under his skin. There’s lust, there’s want, and need, and something else, something softer like… love in those eyes.

And Taehyung is afraid to read in between the blurred lines once again, afraid to take his hopes for reality, so he looks away first as he feels plumes of red paint themselves on his cheeks.

Taehyung doesn’t know why he feels shy suddenly, shy to be in such close proximity with Jungkook, shy for what he’s about to do. Maybe because tonight is a last time that feels like a first.

Taehyung lets his eyes fall on Jungkook’s cock, so thick, so hard, so enticing . He spits in his hand and wraps it around the DJ’s shaft. Slowly, tantalizingly slowly, Taehyung starts to stroke Jungkook’s dick, making it shine with his saliva under the harsh lights of the dressing room. 

Taehyung bites down on his bottom lip. The sight is erotic, filthy, and he can’t help but think about how dripping wet this cock will be once he’s done sucking it. Because Taehyung likes it messy, and he knows that Jungkook likes it that way too.

“Put your mouth on me,” Jungkook orders. 

Leaving his hand wrapped around the base of Jungkook’s cock, Taehyung leans down and licks a fat stripe on the underside, before wrapping his lips around the tip and suckling on it. A moan slips past Taehyung’s lips when he feels the salty precum pool on his tongue, when he feels Jungkook’s desire flood his mouth. Fuck, he’s addicted to the DJ’s taste and he wants more. More, more, more .

So, Taehyung opens his mouth wider, letting his deliciously pink lips stretch around Jungkook’s member, as he goes down on it. The DJ’s swelling cock is so heavy over Taehyung’s tongue, it drives him insane. He loves the feeling of having it in his mouth, loves the feeling of his throat straining against the intrusion, of his muscles clamping down around it as he swallows. It’s hot, so fucking hot, and he doesn’t want to stop.

Taehyung starts to bob his head, up and down. He twirls his tongue around Jungkook’s cock whenever he pulls back, and flattens it when he sinks his mouth down the length, taking it as far as he can. His throat spasms and tears burn in his eyes as he swallows Jungkook. But Taehyung keeps going, slobbering around the DJ’s cock, coating it in saliva, easing the slide.

The way Taehyung sucks on Jungkook’s cock is desperate, and filthy, and messy, and sloppy, and it’s Jungkook , and god, Taehyung is so fucking hard in his jeans, he feels like he’s going to cream himself. He pulls back slightly, teeth softly and barely grazing against the thin skin of Jungkook’s shaft, eliciting a guttural groan from the man.

“Fuck,” Taehyung croaks out as he presses fleeting kisses to the tip, “I love your cock.”

Jungkook doesn’t say anything, he just lets his hand come to rest on Taehyung’s cheek, his thumb tracing the lines of Taehyung’s bottom lip, chasing the spit still shining on it. And then, he brings it to his mouth and licks it, which makes Taehyung whimper.

“You’re so messy, baby doll.” 

Taehyung only winks at Jungkook, before sticking his tongue out and dragging it along the crown of the DJ’s cock. He can feel Jungkook shudder under the touch of his wet muscle, and it sends a dizzyingly hot wave of pleasure washing over him. He loves making Jungkook feel good, loves driving him mad with want, with need. He loves him .

Taehyung licks, and licks, and licks Jungkook’s cock like a lollipop, dipping his tongue into the slit from time to time. A litany of curses and heady groans pour from Jungkook’s throat as Taehyung keeps on dragging his tongue on his shaft. The DJ is hard, incredibly so, and it turns Taehyung on. He feels his own cock twitch in the confines of his jeans and whines, the sound reverberating against Jungkook’s dick, making him swear.

Taehyung takes Jungkook back into his mouth, deep, so deep that the tip of the DJ’s cock ends up in the back of his throat and makes him gag. He breathes through his nose, letting his mouth adjust to the intrusion. He takes pleasure in knowing that he can swallow Jungkook so well, that he was made to take his cock. Him, and only him.

Tears paint Taehyung’s rosy cheeks as he lets Jungkook’s cock slide out of his mouth until only the tip remains inside, before sinking back down on it. He hears Jungkook almost growl and it sends a delicious shiver running down his spine as he starts bobbing his head again.

As Taehyung sucks on Jungkook’s shaft, he uses his free hand to roll the ball sacks in between his slender fingers, feeling the DJ surrender to the pleasure he’s giving him. 

“Fuck, Taehyung!” 

Taehyung places his other hand on Jungkook’s thigh, feeling the tensed muscles under his palm and he can’t help but lightly scratch the skin with his blunt nails. And then, Jungkook lets his hand fall on Taehyung’s and intertwines their fingers. 

The gesture has Taehyung’s heart fluttering behind his ribcage and he briefly closes his eyes to bask in the tender contact. 

“Look at me, baby doll.”

Taehyung lets his eyelids flutter open as he looks up, only to be met with Jungkook’s lustful gaze already on him. His entire frame quivers under the DJ's stare. Being watched with such naked hunger has Taehyung’s stomach soaring with brazen butterflies. He knows it’s just sex, he knows Jungkook probably doesn’t want him that way, but he can’t help feeling all kinds of emotions when Jungkook looks at him like that .

“You’re so good for me,” Jungkook whispers, his free hand coming to cup Taehyung’s cheek.

And Taehyung moans around Jungkook, before sucking on his cock with more vigor. His throat is on fire, and it spreads a warmth through him that he desperately needed. He’s not cold anymore, he’s not lonely anymore, not when he is with Jungkook. And even if it never lasts, it’s enough to make him forget for a while.

And forget, Taehyung does as his tongue glides along Jungkook’s cock, as he laps at it like it’s candy. There’s only Jungkook, Jungkook and nothing else. His groans, his touch, his dick. He’s Taehyung’s universe.

After a while, Jungkook’s hand slides into Taehyung’s hair and he tugs at it until the model pulls off of his cock completely. Taehyung’s eyes fall on it. Spit-slicked, throbbing, so pretty . He already misses having it in his mouth.

“Undress for me,” Jungkook commands.

Taehyung stands back up on wobbly legs, and gets rid of what’s still covering his body, slowly, oh so slowly, until he’s fully bare in front of Jungkook. He’s not shy, and he’s confident in his body, even if he has his insecurities like everyone else. But he feels patches of pink bloom on his cheeks as Jungkook’s stare falls on him.

Jungkook looks at Taehyung like he wants to claim, to possess, to love . It makes the model’s cock twitch and his heart throb. 

Jungkook gets up from the couch and comes to stand in front of Taehyung. He lifts his hands to cup Taehyung’s cheeks, before leaning in and capturing the model’s feverish lips with his own in a fiery kiss. He groans as he tastes himself on Taehyung’s tongue, and the wrecked sound reverberates through the model’s body, making it tingle.

Taehyung returns the kiss eagerly, tongue curling around Jungkook’s. His hands wrap themselves around the DJ’s forearms, holding onto them like he’s afraid to fall. But fall, he already did. And there’s no turning back. The only question is, will he be caught before he hits the ground, or will he crash onto the concrete?

When they break apart, Jungkook is the first one to speak.

“Get back on the couch. On your hands and knees.”

Taehyung’s whole body is trembling with anticipation as he gets in position after stealing one last kiss from Jungkook, Jungkook, who goes to retrieve a bottle of lube from his backpack, before coming to kneel behind Taehyung.

“Fuck,” Jungkook curses as his hands land on Taehyung’s ass and start kneading the flesh, “You have the juiciest ass I’ve ever seen.”

Taehyung giggles, but his giggles turn into a filthy moan when Jungkook slaps his right asscheek, hard.

“You like that, baby doll?”

Taehyung knows that Jungkook is aware of how much exactly he likes being spanked, because they did that before, but he indulges him and answers nonetheless. 

“Yes,” Taehyung breathes out.

Jungkook lowers his palm against Taehyung’s ass again, the smack ringing loud in the room, and the model chases after the burning feeling of being spanked, as the touch disappears.

“More,” Taehyung begs.

Jungkook says nothing, but he raises his hand, before letting it fall in quick succession on Taehyung’s asscheeks. The model holds his breath and lets his nails dig into the fabric of the couch. He loves the sting, loves the slight pain, loves the pleasure that floods him right after being hit. That is why he pushes his ass towards Jungkook a little bit more after each slap, silently asking for more.

“You’re so needy,” Jungkook says.

And Taehyung can’t deny it. He’s always— always —needy when it comes to Jungkook. It’s how the DJ makes him feel. Making him crave for him, for more, each time they’re together and even when they’re apart.

Jungkook’s hits keep on coming on Taehyung’s ass, rough hands connecting on the soft canvas of his bare skin. And it drives Taehyung wild. He bites down on his bottom lip to not let out the screams that want to escape from his mouth. But he can’t hold back the whimper that spills past his lips when Jungkook smoothes his palms over his asscheeks. Tender, so tender. Always.

“I’m going to eat you out, okay?”

A shiver runs through Taehyung’s body. “Okay.”

Jungkook’s palms spread Taehyung’s asscheeks, fingers dimpling the skin, and the model feels exposed, so much that he hides his face in his arms as he lets himself fall forward on the couch.

“Beautiful,” Jungkook whispers before spitting on Taehyung’s hole.

Taehyung gasps as Jungkook’s saliva drips down the cleft of his ass. He feels dirty and hot and pretty , as he offers himself to Jungkook’s eyes. Only Jungkook can make him feel beautiful, not even the photographers he works with can make him feel that way. Only Jungkook can.

“And all mine,” Jungkook adds before he brings his tongue to Taehyung’s rim and licks up.

And fuck, Taehyung feels tears gather in his eyes, because he desperately needs for those words to mean something, he desperately needs for Jungkook to understand that he is his, that he belongs to him, that he doesn’t want anyone else but him. 

But now is not the time to confess, not when Jungkook presses light, kittenish licks on his hole, not when Taehyung whines and presses his ass into Jungkook’s face. He tries not to shudder at how Jungkook’s soft, silky, warm tongue prods at his puckered rim. He tries not to moan out loud when the moist muscle circles his opening firmly, tightly. But it’s hard. Because Jungkook makes him tremble from head to toe, makes him weak .

The pleasure that washes over Taehyung is mind-blowing as Jungkook’s tongue swipes against his sensitive hole, as Jungkook’s saliva drips down his quivering thighs. The way Jungkook eats him out is rough, messy, almost desperate , and it makes Taehyung think that the DJ wants him, really wants him.

Hope sparks in Taehyung’s heart once again as he feels Jungkook’s nails dig into the flesh of his ass, as he feels Jungkook’s tongue lap its way over his exposed rim. Hope that Jungkook will love him back. Hope that they’ll end up together, forever and ever . It’s stupid, maybe, but Taehyung can’t fight his feelings anymore.

The model whimpers when Jungkook’s tongue breaches his hole and delves in his scalding heat. He feels tears slide down his cheeks as Jungkook starts licking at his velvety walls, as Jungkook starts shallowly thrusting his fleshy muscle in and out of him. He pushes his ass back, and hears Jungkook groan. The sound is so deep, so guttural, that it makes Taehyung’s cock throb.

“Love your ass,” Jungkook growls, and Taehyung shudders . 

Jungkook dives right back in. He sucks on Taehyung’s rim and lets his teeth scrape at it, before his tongue slithers inside the model’s hole. And Taehyung? Taehyung feels flames licking at his skin at each swipe of Jungkook’s wet muscle against his walls. He loves being devoured like this, loves feeling his head spin as the pleasure rips through him.

No one is able to make Taehyung’s body sing like Jungkook does. No one . Taehyung is just an instrument in Jungkook’s hands, made to be played, to be toyed with. And the DJ knows exactly how to compose symphonies with him, how to make him whine, and moan, and whimper. And it’s beautiful, the way they create song after song, together .

“Jungkook, please…”

Taehyung doesn’t know why he begs, just knows that Jungkook has— is —the answer. He feels Jungkook’s fingers grab at his ass more harshly, before the DJ’s tongue buries itself even deeper inside him. And Taehyung starts to ride it, pushing his ass back onto Jungkook’s face. He clenches around the fleshy muscle, wanting to keep it inside, desperate to not let go.

“Jungkook!” Taehyung cries out. 

The model hears a chuckle. He shivers when he feels Jungkook kiss the dimples at the small of his back, when he feels Jungkook’s lips trail fleeting kisses down his spine until they’re close to his ear.

“What do you need?” Jungkook asks in a rough whisper, fingers threading in Taehyung’s hair, tugging at it and angling his head back.

“Y-your fingers,” Taehyung stutters.

Jungkook hums before licking at the shell of Taehyung’s ear. He lets go of the model’s hair and goes back to his previous position.

“Spread your ass for me, baby doll.”

Taehyung moves his hands until they’re on his asscheeks, and he does as told, he spreads them wide open for Jungkook. He hears the DJ grunt at the sight of his spit-slicked, fluttering hole.

“How can you be so gorgeous everywhere?” Jungkook asks rhetorically. 

He puts his hands on Taehyung’s for a second, and licks a fat stripe from the model’s balls to his rim, making him whine and tremble.

“Shit! You’re addictive,” Jungkook rasps before letting go of Taehyung’s ass. “I can’t wait to be inside you, to feel you wrap around me and give me life.”

Just as Jungkook stops speaking, Taehyung feels a slick finger come to press against his rim. He sucks in a breath when the digit rubs over the heated and furled skin of his hole, toys with it and gets him wet.

“Fuck,” Taehyung curses the moment Jungkook’s finger eases inside slowly.

“You suck me in so well,” Jungkook praises and Taehyung’s heart skips a beat or two. 

Jungkook starts to thrust his digit in and out of Taehyung, and Taehyung relishes in the burn, in the pleasure that settles deep inside his body. He loves the way Jungkook’s thick finger opens him up, loves the way it feels to clench around it like he wants it there, because he does .

Taehyung loves everything that Jungkook does to him, because the DJ knows him, knows what he likes, what he wants, what he needs. Jungkook can read him— his body —like an open book. Every breath he takes, every moan that spills past his lips, every shudder that rocks through his body, is an indication to the DJ on how good he makes him feel. Because Jungkook always makes Taehyung feel good, and special, and loved .

Taehyung is so gone that he barely reacts when Jungkook slides a second digit alongside the first inside him. And then, the DJ starts scissoring them, spreading Taehyung’s wall wider, making Taehyung moan unashamedly.

“You sound so beautiful, baby doll.”

Taehyung gets lost in the motion of the fingers being pushed inside him, in the feeling of Jungkook’s lips taking over the skin of his back. He can’t fake what he feels in the moment, it transpires in every whimper, every moan that leaves his mouth. He feels good, too good. He feels free, wild. He feels like he has a purpose. To please. To be good. To love . 

When Jungkook adds a third finger and picks up the pace of his strokes, Taehyung pushes his hips back and meets every thrust in. He nearly sobs when the DJ curls his digits and rubs at his sweet spot. His chest heaves, sweat drips down his back, goosebumps break out on his skin, and he feels like a mess, a beautiful, beautiful mess as tears fall from his eyes.

Taehyung doesn’t know anymore if he cries only from pleasure, or if it’s because he’s letting out all the emotions he bottled up before. Anger. Sadness. Love. Jungkook tears him apart, piece by piece, as he fingers him, but Taehyung isn’t afraid to be broken, he knows that his man will glue him back together again afterwards, like he always does.

“I’m ready,” Taehyung breathes out.

“You’re sure? I don’t want to hurt you. I can add—”

“I’m sure,” Taehyung cuts Jungkook off. “I need… I need you now.” 

Jungkook pulls his fingers out of Taehyung, making him almost whine. Almost . But he doesn’t, because he knows that what’s to come will be better than being fucked open by the DJ’s digits. There’s nothing— nothing —like Jungkook’s cock and the feeling of it thrusting inside him.

Gently, Jungkook takes Taehyung’s hands and puts them on either side of his head. Taehyung gets back into his initial position, on his hands and knees, and looks at Jungkook over his shoulder. The DJ looks so hot, with his inky curls covered in sweat, his darkened eyes and his shining from spit lips. Taehyung wants to kiss him, so bad.

“Kiss me,” Taehyung implores, and Jungkook moves until their lips catch.

The kiss is deep, rough, and it takes Taehyung’s breath away. He moans into Jungkook’s mouth when their tongues curl against one another, when their saliva mix and he can taste Jungkook. Shit, he’s so addicted to him, so in love with him, it’s insane. It makes him want more, always more, and so he breaks the kiss and whispers into Jungkook’s ear: “Fuck me like you mean it.”

Jungkook groans, before moving back to get behind Taehyung. The model feels a hand grabbing at his left asscheek, pushing it to the side and exposing his gaping hole to the air. He sighs, body tensing as he waits for Jungkook to put his cock inside of him.

“I’m going to ruin you,” Jungkook promises.

That’s all Taehyung wants. To be ruined. To be fucked into oblivion. To forget his own name. And he knows that Jungkook will do just that, for him . 

Taehyung lets his head fall and he closes his eyes as he hears Jungkook squirt some lube on his cock and stroke himself. He’s been waiting for this moment all night, this moment where he’ll fuse together with Jungkook, where he’ll be one with him. And it’s now.

Taehyung feels Jungkook bend down to kiss his waist, which eases his mind and calms down the crazy rhythm of his beating heart. The DJ leaves a hand there, squeezing the flesh. And Taehyung doesn’t have to see him to know that Jungkook uses his other hand to line himself up with his hole. Because, the next second, he feels the tip of the DJ’s cock rub against his rim.

“Please,” Taehyung whispers brokenly. 

Gasps spill from Taehyung’s lips as Jungkook slowly slides forward, inch by inch, until he’s fully sheathed inside Taehyung. They both moan when Jungkook stops moving, giving Taehyung time to adjust to his girth. The burn, the stretch, are delicious and Taehyung basks in the feel of having Jungkook’s cock inside him, of having Jungkook close, so close. He needed this.

“Fuck, you feel so good around me,” Jungkook says, and Taehyung’s heart soars in the swell of his ribcage. “Made to take my cock.”

“Yes.” 

Yes, Taehyung is made to take Jungkook’s cock, made just for him , there’s no denying it, not when their bodies fit so well together. They just belong. It feels as if they’re meant to be one. Like every time they fuck. And the thought makes Taehyung’s heart swell.

“Move,” the model whispers after a while.

Taehyung feels Jungkook’s hands fall on his waist and grab at the flesh, hard. He knows he will have finger shaped bruises tomorrow, but he doesn’t care. He loves the idea of looking at them in the mirror, of tracing them with his fingertips and being reminded of who owns every piece of him. Loves it a little bit too much, maybe.

Jungkook pulls out until only the tip of his cock remains inside Taehyung, before plunging back in, all the way. Taehyung groans as his inner walls flutter and spasm around Jungkook’s shaft, as they try to keep it in, deep.

“Shit,” Jungkook curses when he gives a small roll of the hips and Taehyung sinfully undulates his ass in response.

“Give it to me,” Taehyung breathes out. “I can take it.”

It’s Jungkook’s turn to groan as the words leave Taehyung’s mouth.

“You’re so hot when you talk like that, baby doll,” Jungkook says, voice strained and so low that it sends a shiver licking at Taehyung’s spine.

Taehyung’s lust spikes, hot, and burning, and slick. He wants Jungkook, wants him so bad. Because he knows that the DJ is the only one able to give him what he needs, what he craves, what he longs for. The only one.

“Please,” Taehyung begs again, and that does it for Jungkook.

The DJ eases out slowly, dragging his cock until the tip, before slamming inside, fucking into Taehyung hard enough to steal his breath.

“Oh, fuck!” Taehyung cries out as he feels Jungkook’s nails dig into the skin of his hips, as he feels Jungkook’s cock brushing his prostate.

Pleasure flows through Taehyung’s veins. And he’s hard, and he’s aching, and he’s on fire, and he needs it . Needs Jungkook to fuck him like he’s a rag doll.

“Jungkook!” 

Jungkook begins to fuck him in earnest, each stroke driving deep inside Taehyung’s tight ass. Broken moans escape the model’s lips as he grinds back desperately to meet each slam of Jungkook’s hips. Broken moans that turn into whimpers when Jungkook lets one of his hands thread in Taehyung’s hair and tug at it. The model cranes his neck, pushing his head back, and his tongue lolls out of his mouth.

Taehyung knows he must look absolutely debauched right now, with Jungkook’s cock ramming inside him, with his body quivering under the deep thrusts of the DJ, with his mouth opened like it’s waiting to be filled. But he doesn’t give a shit about it. All he cares about is Jungkook, Jungkook, Jungkook . He drowns in him. In his sweet scent, in his driving hips, in his thick cock. He never wants it to end.

“Faster. Harder,” Taehyung pleads, and Jungkook obliges.

Taehyung whimpers, high and prettily when Jungkook picks up his pace. His hole clenches so fucking tight around Jungkook’s cock as he’s being practically split open by it. Jungkook is so big, so thick, so perfect, perfect for Taehyung . And the model can’t get enough of his cock, of him .

“You’re so big,” Taehyung stammers in between bated breaths.

“And you’re so tight,” Jungkook grunts.

Jungkook’s hands fall on Taehyung’s ass and he grabs at the flesh, nails digging into it. Taehyung moans, images of Jungkook looking with blown wide eyes at his cock thrusting in and out of his hole flashing in his mind. It’s so hot, so filthy, that it makes the embers in his body spark.

Taehyung’s eyes roll back as Jungkook snaps his hips, roughly. It feels like he’s being used, but in a good way. He knows that, with Jungkook, sex isn’t always just that. He knows that, each time they’re together, they add a new layer to the act. A brand new emotion. And it fills Taehyung’s heart with hope. Hope that they could be more. So much more. 

The drag of Jungkook against his walls is everything Taehyung needs and more. The DJ’s plump cock inside him feels so good, so good that it’s all Taehyung can think about. The way it rubs at his walls, the way it pushes at his sweet spot, it’s mind-blowing.

“There! Right there!”

Another wave of want rocks through Taehyung as Jungkook plows into his prostate. His shaft is steadily leaking, tainting the fabric of the couch. He’s so hard it hurts, but he doesn’t want to touch himself. Wants to come just from Jungkook’s cock.

“Deeper. Please, deeper,” Taehyung begs, voice raw and broken.

“Lay on your back,” Jungkook orders as he pulls out.

The DJ’s hands leave his body, and Taehyung whines at the loss of contact, of warmth, before he moves on the couch to lay on it. That way, he can see Jungkook. Can see his matted hair, his dark eyes, brimming with want, with need, his rosy lips that Taehyung wants to feel on his, badly.

As if he read his mind, Jungkook bends down and kisses Taehyung, tongue swirling on his lips before diving deep inside his mouth. And it’s hot, scorching hot, the way he ravishes Taehyung with just one kiss.

Taehyung needed Jungkook’s lips on his, needed to be able to knot his fingers in the DJ’s hair to bring him closer, needed to look into his dark eyes and see the whole universe painted on them. He needed it to breathe .

“Look at you,” Jungkook says, a hand coming to cup Taehyung’s throat, thumb gliding along his jaw. “You’re so pretty.”

Taehyung whines as he captures Jungkook’s bottom lip in between his own. He licks at it, at the lip piercing, and tugs at it before letting it go. Jungkook groans, pressing his lips against Taehyung’s, sliding his tongue into the model’s mouth. And they kiss, wet, rush, messy, until they inevitably have to part for air.

I love you , Taehyung thinks, but he doesn’t say it aloud. He doesn’t want to fuck things up, doesn’t want to lose the best thing that’s ever been his . Not so soon. Not ever .

“Take me again,” Taehyung whispers, and Jungkook is quick to line himself up with his hole and push inside.

Taehyung sighs when he feels Jungkook’s cock nestle deep inside of him. He wraps his arms around the DJ’s neck, and his legs around the lithe waist, effectively bringing Jungkook closer to him. The DJ lets his head fall in the crook of Taehyung’s neck and starts littering the expanse of skin with short, fleeting kisses.

Taehyung bares his throat for him, giving him more room, and Jungkook takes advantage of it, his tongue lapping at the exposed skin, his teeth nipping at it. He doesn’t leave marks, he can’t, but he still leaves his trace, his seal behind him and it makes Taehyung feel like he is claimed as Jungkook’s, like he is possessed by him. 

Jungkook starts to pound into Taehyung, the sound of skin slapping skin obscene but so beautiful to the model’s ears. He loves the way Jungkook’s grunts and groans coalesce in the air with his own moans and whimpers. He loves the way they sound together, like they’re singing their own song. A song meant to be heard just by them.

And maybe, just maybe, the noises coming from the club aren’t enough to drown their own wrecked sounds of pleasure, maybe. But Taehyung couldn’t care less if someone heard them, if someone knew just how good Jungkook is fucking him.

Because Jungkook is. Fucking him hard, and deep, and rough. Just like Taehyung wanted him to.

Taehyung’s body rocks with each one of Jungkook’s thrust. Taehyung’s body flinches as he feels his prostate being continuously rammed on. Taehyung’s body trembles, muscles shaking and heart somersaulting in his chest when Jungkook kisses him again.

You’re all that I want .

Taehyung is so lost in Jungkook that he forgets everything else. There’s only the way their bodies move together in sync, the way their lips glide against one another in a wet kiss. Nothing else matters. Nothing . 

“I love fucking you,” Jungkook murmurs into Taehyung’s ear when they break apart, and Taehyung shudders . 

Jungkook plunges his cock into Taehyung faster, harder, and the model gets drilled into the couch. Heat floods Taehyung as the DJ rubs his nose over his collarbone, lips brushing a whisper of a kiss on his sweaty skin. It’s tender, so tender, and it punches the breath out of Taehyung’s lungs.

“You’re my baby doll,” Jungkook rasps against Taehyung’s skin, and it brings tears to his eyes.

Taehyung can be everything Jungkook wants. He can be his wet dream come true, he can be the lover the DJ never knew he needed, he can be so much more than just a fuck buddy. If Jungkook gives him a chance…

“Yours,” the model breathes out.

Taehyung doesn’t know if Jungkook catches the deeper meaning of this simple word, or understands that Taehyung is his, wholly. But he will, soon. Because Taehyung will confess, will finally unveil his feelings in front of Jungkook. And it’s scary, and he’s afraid, but he has to do it. The time has come.

“That’s right. Mine.”

Jungkook isn’t aware of the effect his words, his voice have on Taehyung and his heart and his body. But Taehyung is, because he feels it in each one of his nerves that alight whenever Jungkook talks like that, in that dripping with sex tone of his, just to say that Taehyung belongs to him. Insane .

As if knowing that Taehyung is his does something to Jungkook too, he starts pistoning Taehyung, hips slapping against him at a brutal pace. And Taehyung screams as he writhes underneath Jungkook, body swept by wave after wave of scalding pleasure.

Taehyung is close, so close to the edge. He knows it won’t take much more for him to fall. He moves his hands on Jungkook’s body until they reach his back, and he lets his nails rake at the skin, leaving angry red marks in their wake. Jungkook groans, and it makes Taehyung’s hard cock twitch.

“Baby…”

Taehyung knows the pet name is probably just a slip up, but it makes him all warm hearing it from Jungkook. Being the DJ’s baby… it’s everything he ever wanted. 

“I’m close,” Taehyung murmurs.

Jungkook keeps on fucking Taehyung, whispering praises in the model’s ear, kissing him, ruining him. And Taehyung absolutely loves it. And he wants to live in this moment forever.

Taehyung cries, fat tears dropping on his cheeks, as Jungkook makes a mess of him. He knows he might look overwhelmed, and wrecked, and winded, with his smudged eyeliner, and traces of it marring his skin. He knows. But it doesn’t seem to matter, as Jungkook looks at him like he’s the most gorgeous man he ever laid his eyes on.

Taehyung gets lost in Jungkook. He can’t look away, can’t close his eyes, because he feels like he can see love swimming in Jungkook’s irises. It takes his breath away, the intensity with which Jungkook stares at him. It’s like he’s seeing Taehyung for the first time, and maybe he is, maybe Taehyung has finally let the walls surrounding his heart fall. Maybe.

“Cum for me,” Jungkook whispers hoarsely.

One. Two. Three thrusts and Taehyung feels his entire body tense, his eyes wrenched shut as his orgasm wracks through his entire body, mouth falling open around Jungkook’s name.

Taehyung keeps his eyes closed as Jungkook pumps into him, driving him into overstimulation. He takes it, takes everything that the DJ gives him, until the body above him stutters, and Jungkook groans as his orgasm ripples through him.

Jungkook fills Taehyung’s hole with his cum, and Taehyung moans at the feel of his cock unloading inside him. It’s so hot, having Jungkook paint his walls white like that, having Jungkook mark him in the most primal way. His. Taehyung is his .

“Fuck,” Jungkook curses, before he lets his forehead fall on Taehyung’s.

Taehyung giggles, and runs a hand through Jungkook’s blue hair.

“Fuck, indeed.”

Jungkook leaves a chaste kiss on Taehyung’s forehead, before he lifts himself up. He pulls out of Taehyung, which makes the model wince a little.

“Sorry,” Jungkook apologizes. 

Taehyung shakes his head, as if to say that everything is alright. But it’s not. He wishes Jungkook would have stayed with him, wishes he could have had him in arms a little longer. A sob threatens to leave his throat, but he holds it in as he watches Jungkook take a packet of wet wipes from the vanity on the opposite side of the room and come back to him. 

Jungkook wordlessly cleans himself up, before taking care of Taehyung. His movements are soft as he wipes the cum and the lube from the model’s skin. Just as they are when he helps Taehyung get up so that he can scrub the fabric of the couch.

Jungkook throws the stained wipes in the dustbin, before putting his clothes back on Taehyung, and then himself. Once dressed, the DJ sits on the blue sofa. He gestures for Taehyung to come sit in his lap, and the model does. As soon as he’s sprawled on Jungkook’s thighs, Taehyung feels strong arms wrap around him and lips press a kiss on his shoulder.

“How do you feel?” Jungkook asks.

“I don’t know,” Taehyung answers honestly.

Yes, the model feels better after being fucked by Jungkook, but he also feels worse, because he, once again, had a taste of what could be and he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to let it go this time.

Jungkook sighs. “Talk to me.”

Taehyung lets his eyes fall on Jungkook’s hands, on his arms, on his tattoos. He starts to trace the black and colored lines with his fingertips, getting lost in the drawings on the DJ’s skin.

Jungkook lifts his chin with his index finger, forcing Taehyung to look at him. “Tae…”

“I had a meeting with my team tonight,” Taehyung starts in a little voice, frail and fragile. “It didn’t go well.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing. They just talked, and I listened. I couldn’t even say anything, I couldn’t—” Taehyung cuts himself off, at a loss for words.

He doesn’t want to admit that he was a coward, that he should have stood up for himself, for what he wants. He doesn’t want to look weak in front of Jungkook.

“What did they say?” Jungkook inquires.

Taehyung gulps, hard. “They said that they wanted to fix me.”

“Fix you?” Jungkook says, his voice dangerously low and threatening.

“Yeah. They want… they want me to date a woman so that I won’t be gay anymore.”

“The fuck!” Jungkook roars, tonging at his cheek. “There’s nothing to fix in you, there’s nothing wrong with you being gay. You’re perfect as you are, you know that, right?”

Taehyung nods mutely. He can’t speak or fresh tears will fall. He’s so close to sobbing as he takes in Jungkook’s words and what they mean for him, what they could mean for them . 

“Baby, tell me you won’t let them impose this on you,” Jungkook pleads as he lets his hand fall on Taehyung’s, thumb grazing over the skin. 

Taehyung takes a deep breath. He intertwines his fingers with Jungkook’s, finding comfort in the contact, before answering.

“I won’t. I can’t. I just can’t. Even if it means that I will lose everything I worked so hard for.”

“You won’t lose anything,” Jungkook says decisively.

“They’ll fire me, Jungkook, if I don’t do what they want from me, they’ll end my contract and—”

“And,” Jungkook cuts him off. “Remember my friend Seokjin?”

Taehyung nods.

“He owns an entertainment company, and I already talked to him about you.”

“Jungkook…”

“He’s more than interested. He will hire you in a second if you want him to,” Jungkook discloses, the arm wrapped around Taehyung’s waist hugging him tighter. “You won’t have to work another day for these shitheads, I promise you.”

This time, a sob tears through Taehyung’s throat and he lets the tears fall down on his cheeks. This is… this is too much. How can Jungkook save him like that, like it’s nothing?

“Don’t cry,” Jungkook whispers, thumb coming to wipe at Taehyung’s tears. “Everything will be okay. I’ll call Seokjin and—”

Taehyung doesn’t let Jungkook finish his sentence as he leans in and slants their mouths together in a kiss. Jungkook smiles against his lips, and it makes Taehyung’s heart burst with love for him.

“Thank you,” Taehyung murmurs against Jungkook’s red, swollen lips.

Jungkook brushes their noses together, before leaving a peck on Taehyung’s. Taehyung sighs under the touch of his lips, and feels his heart beating crazily in his chest. He’s so in love. So utterly, madly, unconditionally in love.

Taehyung looks into Jungkook’s eyes, looks at the soft smile directed towards him, and he falls all over again, hard.

“Jungkook?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you,” Taehyung breathes out.

He prays the force of his love infuses into Jungkook’s skin and embeds itself within his blood, traveling back to his heart and filling it up to the brim. He prays that Jungkook will love him back, that he won’t lose him. He prays . 

Jungkook’s eyes widen, and the stars in them shine bright, brighter than they have ever done and it’s so beautiful to see that Taehyung almost misses what Jungkook says next. Almost.

“You… love me? Like, love love me, or…?”

Taehyung giggles. “I love you, Jungkook. Like, you’re everything that I need. Like, I want to be yours. Like—”

This time, it’s Jungkook who cuts Taehyung off by letting his lips collide with the model’s. And they kiss. And Taehyung can feel Jungkook’s love being poured in that kiss. It’s different from every other time their mouths met. It’s different, because none of them holds back, none of them hides what they really feel. And the kiss is sizzling, and sweet too, and it makes Taehyung’s heart beat faster in the swell of his ribcage.

When they break apart, Jungkook looks at Taehyung, a soft smile curling his lips. He lifts a hand and places it on Taehyung’s throat, where he can feel his pulse going haywire. And Taehyung stares back at him, eyes full of love, smile mirroring Jungkook’s. He says nothing and just waits for the DJ to speak, to say the words he so desperately wants to hear. And when they finally come, he feels like crying.

“I love you,” Jungkook whispers, every syllable embedding itself in Taehyung's heart. “I love you to the moon and back.”

Taehyung pecks Jungkook’s lips. It’s just a fleeting kiss, but it makes his whole body tingle with happiness. He can’t believe that Jungkook loves him, that Jungkook wants him. It feels surreal.

“You really want me?” Taehyung asks in a timid voice, unsure.

“I’ve wanted you since the first time I laid my eyes on you, since the first time you smiled at me, since the first time we kissed. I’ve wanted you all along.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I thought you just wanted my body, not my heart,” Jungkook explains, thumb grazing along Taehyung’s jawline. “It was stupid to think that, because it’s you , but—”

“It’s okay. As long as you can be mine now.”

“You won’t regret me,” Jungkook says, before leaning in and capturing Taehyung’s lips in a searing kiss. 

Taehyung knows that he will never regret Jungkook, never. How could he? When Jungkook is the best thing that’s ever happened to him. When Jungkook is his light in the dark, his lifeline, his next breath. It’s impossible.

“I want to tell the whole wide world that you’re mine,” Taehyung murmurs against Jungkook’s spit-slicked lips.

“That means you coming out, baby. Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

“I am. I’ve been for a while now. I just… didn’t have a reason to. But, with you…”

“Don’t do it because of me. Do it because you want to.”

“I want to, I need to,” Taehyung clarifies. “I’ve been hiding who I am for far too long.”

“Then, I’ll be by your side, holding your hand all the way.” 

“You’ll do way more than that,” Taehyung says, smiling big and bright, mischievously.

Jungkook lifts an eyebrow in question, but Taehyung doesn’t say anything, just fuses their lips together again. They get lost in the kiss, in the feel of the other, so close, so enticing, so theirs . And it’s everything that Taehyung needed. Everything .

When they get out of the club half an hour later, they don’t exit by the backdoor, like they usually would to avoid the paparazzi. Instead, they leave by the front, where all the photographers are gathered. They stop in front of them, and Taehyung leans in to whisper in Jungkook’s ear.

“Are you ready?”

“I’m ready if you are.”

Taehyung nods and, instantly, he feels a hand coming up to cup his cheek, feels a thumb grazing his cheekbone, before warm lips take over his own and steal his breath. He smiles through the kiss as he feels the flashes go off around them, as he hears the curses, the exclamations, and some cheers coming from all sides. He smiles, because he’s happy, happy like he’s never been before.

“I love you,” Taehyung whispers when they break apart, and the tender words are whispered back in a second, making his heart do backflips in his chest.

“And I love you.”

They kiss again, just because they can, just because they want to, before leaving, hand in hand. And as they walk towards Jungkook’s car, all Taehyung thinks about is that he’s finally loved, finally seen, finally free .