Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

The first thing Porsche thought as he regained consciousness, before he opened his eyes, was that the weather was actually quite nice today. He could see the sun shining through the holes in the burlap sack on his head, and there was a breeze coming from somewhere. As far as kidnappings go, this one was rather pleasant. The second thing he thought was that he was completely and entirely fucked. 

His life had started to go off the rails two nights ago, right after he had hooked up with that girl. He’d been leaning against the wall, taking a smoke, and thinking about tattoos. Specifically, Porsche was thinking about getting one. He’d been covering up the name for years now. Ever since his parents died, and his uncle threw him into mountains of debt, he had kept that name hidden. He didn’t want the asshole of the week to see it and start making fun of him, and then he didn’t want it to be used against him. In his teenage years he’d always said he’d announce it like everybody else did, as soon as he had his situation under control. Now, at twenty-four years of age, he had all but given up on his soulmate. Whoever Anakinn was, he was better off without Porsche in his life. Despite that belief, Porsche had always lacked the resolve to get it tattooed over. It was sacrilege to ignore a mark. To completely destroy it would be unthinkable. But every now and then, when he was in the middle of an exceptionally sweaty sexcapade, the makeup would start to rub off on his partner's clothes. Luckily it was dark enough that this girl didn’t seem to notice, and he had pulled his shirt back on before anybody else could get a look, but still. It was risky. He had a few extra bucks after that last fight. Maybe he could finally get it over with. 

His thoughts were interrupted by a very attractive man running into the alley. Porsche had always preferred women to men, but knew his soulmate was a man. He’d been with a few guys in his time, which is how he could say for certain that the man in front of him was exceptional in bed. Maybe he still had to work off the residual horniness from that mediocre hookup; Porsche didn’t usually objectify people immediately upon meeting them. He couldn’t help it, though. There was a beautiful, sweaty man in front of him. What was he supposed to think?

The man opened his mouth, and Porsche immediately lost interest. Clearly, he was some smug rich bitch with too much time on his hands. He would have put money, if he had any, on the man in the red suit absolutely deserving this beating. Still, fifty thousand baht… so he fought them. He really thought he was just breaking up an extended bar brawl, until the gunshot rang out. He grabbed the hot guy and ran for it, scaring the shit out of both Yok and the customers. He mentally beat himself up as he sped away. He’d misjudged this guy. This was an actual conflict, and Porsche had put himself right in the middle of it. He didn’t need any more trouble in his life. He pulled into some random gas station and demanded his money. When he didn’t get it, he’d decided to take what he could get and leave before the situation could get any more complicated. 

As if that wasn’t enough for one night, he’d come home to a wrecked house and a beaten uncle. They hadn’t hurt Chay this time, but the threat was always there. He knew his uncle wouldn’t always be there to act as a punching bag for debt collectors. He gave his uncle the watch and then texted Jom. 

The next day was… hectic, to say the least, but it had ended pretty well. They had the money. Things were going to be okay. Porsche even got up and went to school the next morning. Everything was fine right up until he walked into work. At first he was just annoyed, but then he heard the name. Khun Kinn. Kinn. 

Anakinn . 

But there was no way, right? This massive dick in shiny clothes could not be his soulmate. Yok said something, and then Kinn started talking to him, and Porsche responded but he wasn’t really paying attention. He had to check, didn’t he? There was no way… but he had to be sure. Trying his very best to keep his face expressionless, he looked the man in the eye. Soulmate, he thought, and he waited for the pushback. Waited for the surge of nausea that he’d already felt a few times, whenever he met someone and thought maybe, just maybe… But there was nothing. No nausea, no dizziness, no rejection. This was his soulmate. This was Anakinn. 

Shit. 

Kinn asked for a drink, which gave Porsche a moment to think. Very few people knew Porsche’s true name. Only one person ever called him by it. In the dark of night, on their worst days, Chay would call out to him using that name, the one his mother had loved so much. Phoenix. Kinn would know the name Phoenix, not Porsche. Kinn didn’t know, and he wouldn’t find out. Porsche was careful. 

Except for when he wasn’t, of course. At the fights, when he needed to be someone else anyway and he thought, why not? This is why not. Because it would always inevitably come to bite him in the ass. But Kinn didn’t know about that yet, did he? If he knew, this conversation would be happening very differently. No, Kinn didn’t know about his fighter-sona, but he would find out eventually. Powerful men always do. Porsche had to get out of this situation and get away from him, before he figured it out. Shit, Chay. How would he explain this? Hey, bro, guess what? My soulmate is in the fucking mafia and we have to get the fuck out of town. Actually, that’s probably exactly what he would say. Chay’s an understanding kid. He would get it. 

Kinn asked him to talk, privately. Porsche told him to fuck off. Kinn made a not-so-vague threat. Porsche sighed, and followed him out back. He was off his game because of this whole situation. Otherwise, he would have seen the kidnapping coming a mile away. 

He had to get his shit together. He started yelling for someone to take the bag off his head, and after a few moments someone did. He looked around. Kinn was there, alongside the same tuxedoed assholes from last night. The man was wearing the same suit, but he didn’t look the least bit disheveled. Of course not, he didn’t have to do any of the work. He had his goons do all the heavy lifting. In his hand, there was a tablet. Porsche felt his stomach fall as Kinn started reading. 

“Porsche - Pachara, Age 23” Shit shit shit shit shit. “Former national taekwondo champion.”  Porsche didn’t have time to think. His underground alter ego was definitely in that file, which meant he couldn’t let Kinn read it. He could only imagine what this narcissistic megalomaniac would do if he found out. Probably drag him back to his house and keep him locked up in his bedroom. Their bedroom, maybe. Make a big deal about it all, turn him into a kept man, a trophy wife. 

But there was no use thinking about that. He had to act. Porsche leaned back as best he could with his limited range of motion, then launched himself forward. He managed to slam both himself and the wooden chair into the ground, shattering it. And fuck, that HURT. Luckily, Kinn was just as shocked by his stupidity as Porsche was, so he had a moment to collect himself before he moved again. His hands were still tangled up in the rope, caught between the broken chair pieces, but he could walk now. All he needed was his legs. He slammed into Kinn, knocking him down and sending the tablet flying across the room. Since nothing was ever easy, the screen cracked but it seemed otherwise functional. Porsche struggled to his feet, hoping Kinn would stay down. He didn’t. Kinn punched him in the face, and he stumbled backwards. He barely managed to remain standing, but was able to regain his balance at the last second. He yanked at the ropes binding his hands a few times, and they seemed to loosen. Just a little bit more… 

Someone grabbed him, wrapping an arm around his chest to keep him from moving. He couldn’t see who it was, but it must have been one of the bigger guys because he couldn’t move a muscle. 

“Let me go, you shithead!” He screeched. Nobody had moved for the tablet yet. So far, he was in the clear. Except for the fact that he was basically paralyzed. 

“Let him go,” Kinn said. He raised his hands. “I just want to talk, okay? Why don’t you listen to what I have to say?” Reluctantly, Porsche nodded, and the bodyguard let go of him. Maybe Kinn would give up on the whole reading-him-his-own-life-story bit. That kind of shit was only intimidating in movies, not in real life. But Kinn nodded towards the tablet, and one of his guards started moving, and Porsche steeled his nerves. He lunged forward one more time, clamping his teeth down on Kinns neck. Kinn howled, so loudly Porsche almost felt bad about it. Almost. The man had kidnapped him, after all. He deserved everything he got. He yanked one more time and finally got his hands free.

He could sense the guards approaching, waiting for an opening to take him down. He needed to move fast. He needed to get out of this… boat? Was he on a fucking boat? He hadn’t really had time to properly assess the situation. Fuck, how was he going to get off a fucking boat? Whatever he was going to do, he needed to do it fast. He released Kinn and dashed past the guards, managing to knock one off his feet as he ran past. He grabbed the tablet as he passed it, though the act nearly sent him back to the floor. Then he ran through the nearest door. It was a stairwell. Perfect. 

He ran upstairs, the guards right on his heels. He exited onto the top floor of the boat, an open area. From here he could see clearly that they were in the middle of a lake. Nowhere to run. Fuck. He turned around to see Kinn and the penguins approaching him, guns ready. Double fuck. On impulse, he launched the tablet off the side of the boat. This seemed to throw everyone off their guard again. They all watched as it fell into the lake, almost silently. How strange. After a moment everyone turned back to him. Porsche was out of time. 

“Let me make this easy for you. Be my bodyguard, or be fish food.” Was that what he wanted? For Porsche to be his bodyguard? He really had no idea what they were to each other. Fucking idiot. Porsche had to hold back his laughter. 

“Be your bodyguard? I’d rather die!” With that, he leapt off the side of the boat. As he sank into the cold water, he had only one question in his mind. 

What the fuck am I going to do now? 

-----

Though he hated to admit it, Kinn was a little bit hurt. Sure, he was a mafioso, and he could be a little bit strict, but he still thought working for him was better than jumping off a fucking boat. He had no doubt Porsche had survived the incident. He was just that kind of man. Wily. Competent. A little reckless. If Kinn wasn’t so annoyed, he would have found it kinda hot. But he was annoyed, and so it was not hot. He wouldn’t be nearly as annoyed if Porsche hadn’t launched his tablet. The only conceivable reason for doing that was to annoy Kinn, meaning the man had taken time during his daring escape to think up some way to make his life just a little bit harder. He didn’t have any of his files on the cloud, because he wasn’t an idiot, meaning Arm had to configure an entirely new device for him, which was taking way too damn long. There had been some seriously sensitive information on that tablet, and even though it was probably at the bottom of that fucking lake, they still had to go get it just to make sure it didn’t fall into the wrong hands. The whole thing was really fucking annoying. Fucking Porsche. Kinn had no idea what his dad saw in the guy, anyway. But he’d spent too much of his life being a daddy’s boy to give up now. Besides, he was a little bit curious about the man. The more prideful parts of him wanted to force Porsche to surrender, to show him exactly how powerful Kinn was. It was a bit strange, honestly. He wanted to impress Porsche, and he didn’t feel that way often. There were very few people in this world he had to work to impress. Maybe that was why he found Porsche so particularly irritating. 

His thoughts were interrupted by Arm finally walking into the room with his new tablet. He didn’t really know anything about technology, so he couldn’t really complain. Arm was one of the best, he knew. That would have to be enough for him. 

“Khun Kinn,” Arm said, setting it down in front of him. 

“Thank you, Arm.” He nodded, dismissing the man. Before he could get out the door Kinn stopped him. 

“Did you recover the file on Porsche?”

“Yes, everything on your old tablet is there, and it all should be in the same place.”

“Excellent. Thank you.” 

“Of course, Khun Kinn.” Arm bowed to him, and left Kinn alone in his office. Kinn was rarely ever alone. He always had someone by his side, a bodyguard, his brother, his friends, his father. Even if it was his rivals, he had somebody. Despite that, he never really stopped feeling lonely. He had a few good people in his life. His father, for one, though he was constantly and irritatingly enigmatic. Tay and Time, his childhood friends, who had stood by him through everything. His brothers, though they had never been as close as he would have liked. He sometimes felt ungrateful for wanting more than the companionship they provided. But he couldn’t help it. There was a person out there, his person. His Phoenix. His soulmate. Kinn wouldn’t be complete until he found him. He knew that Phoenix was a man. Beyond the soulmate rejection, he just… knew. He didn’t like women. He never had and he never would. It was as natural to him as breathing. Kinn had always had these fantasies about where they would meet. Maybe in a bar, across a crowded room, he’d see an attractive man with a brilliant smile, take him home and open up his shirt to discover his own name written there. Maybe in a meeting with one of the newer families, when he’d be introduced to the other heirs. He’d smile and offer his name, and they would look at him with recognition in their eyes, like they had finally found what they were looking for, too. At the end of the day, he didn’t care how it happened. He just wanted, needed , to meet his soulmate. 

Absent-mindedly, Kinn turned on the tablet and navigated to the document he had in mind. Big had somehow remembered Porsche’s address, so he’d already sent a few of his less important guards after the man. There was no need to allocate legitimately useful resources to the task. Porsche was a skilled fighter, but he was no longer interested in physically forcing him to stay. This time around, Kinn’s methods would be a little bit more… subtle. He chuckled to himself as he read through the document. Porsche Pachara, 23 years old, orphan, brother, blah blah… underground fight, how interesting. Goes by the name… 

Phoenix. 

Fuck.

Kinn waited for the nausea, the sweating, the dizziness, all the classic signs of rejection, but they didn’t come. Of course they didn’t. Porsche was his soulmate. Porsche was his soulmate . The muscular, golden-skinned, charismatic, infuriating man that had saved him in that dark alley… was his soulmate. 

Several things suddenly clicked into place. Porsche had the name Anakinn on him, somewhere. Kinn was immediately desperate to see it. The man had his chest bared for the world to see at all hours of the day, so it couldn’t be there. Maybe his wrist? Or lower, near his hips… Thinking about Porsche’s body, about his name on Porsche’s body, filled Kinn with an overwhelming heat, unlike anything he had ever felt before. It was curiosity and arousal and something else. Something bitter. Heartache. 

Because Porsche had known. Porsche knew they were soulmates and Porsche ran. He jumped off a fucking boat just to get away from Kinn. He must have known that Kinn would figure it out after reading the file. That’s why he destroyed the tablet. He wasn’t being annoying, he was being clever. He was a remarkably quick thinker, to act so soon after just having been knocked out. He must be much smarter than Kinn had originally thought. Kinn didn’t usually underestimate people, but he rarely thought very highly of them either. Maybe, if he had seen Porsche for all that he was, the man would be beside him now instead of… Where was Porsche, anyway? A chill ran down Kinn’s spine as he realized his men should have reported back by now. He grabbed his phone, fumbling hard as he tried to unlock it, and dialed his guards. They answered on the first ring. 

“Where is he?” Kinn said, trying to stay calm. Everything would be fine. They would be together soon. 

“He’s gone, Khun Kinn.”

“...what?” 

“The house was abandoned when we got here. It looks like they didn’t take much with them.”

“They?” Kinn asked. 

“Porsche and his brother are both gone. We’re working on tracking them right now.” Kinn felt that ache again. Porsche had taken Porchay with him. He wasn’t planning on coming back anytime soon. Did he think Kinn would hurt Porchay to get to him? That he would use him like a tool? What kind of man did Porsche think Kinn was? Looking back, their interactions weren’t great. Porsche had seen him get shot at, then show up and threaten to bust up his place of work before kidnapping him. Okay, so it wasn’t a perfect first impression. But they barely knew each other! Porsche barely knew him, and he decided to run. 

“Find them.” He was unable to keep the edge out of his voice, and he knew the guard understood it from the way he stammered. 

“Y-Yes Khun Kinn. Of course, Khun Kinn. As soon as possible.”

“Now!” He yelled. He ended the call before the man could reply. He looked back at his tablet, all the information he had about his soulmate. The love of his life. Phoenix. It was a thorough report, but it was still barely a page. It wasn’t enough. Kinn needed more than this. He needed to see Porsche, to touch him and hold him and know that he wasn’t alone anymore, that they were together like they were supposed to be and things would be okay. He needed his soulmate. He felt his heartbeat pick up, and he took a deep breath. He needed to stay calm. Getting worked up wouldn’t help him find Porsche. He ignored his shaking hands and read the file. 

According to his men’s findings, Porsche and his brother were in a lot of debt thanks to their gambler uncle. They’d spent their whole lives with men knocking at their door, demanding money and dispensing violence. Men like Kinn. It made sense why Porsche had such a low opinion of him. As far as he knew, Kinn was just like every other mob boss that made his life difficult. He would simply have to show Porsche that wasn’t true. It couldn’t be too hard. He and Porsche would get to know each other better. Porsche would see that Kinn wasn’t a bad man, that Kinn would never hurt him. Porsche would see that Kinn could be the greatest partner, husband, soulmate, if given the chance. Kinn would do whatever it took. The man had been his soulmate for all of twenty minutes, but Kinn was already certain he would burn down the city for him. He might, if his wayward lover didn’t show himself soon. 

Was it strange to think of Porsche as his lover? They were soulmates, and they both knew it. They hadn’t quite discussed it yet, but honestly there wasn’t much to discuss. They were destined for each other. Of course they were together. From now on Porsche would have all the resources of the Theerapanyakul family at his disposal. It was all but set in stone. That was another thing he would have to explain, once he found the man. Maybe he should make a list. 

There was so much to be done. He had to tell his father and his brothers, of course. Then Tay and Time. Tay would probably insist on celebrating, which would mean explaining that they couldn’t celebrate quite yet because Porsche wasn’t with him with him yet, but they would soon. Of course. As soon as they settled things, they would celebrate their bond. Would they announce it right away? It would depend on Porsche. He might not want to expose Porchay to that risk so quickly, which Kinn would understand, of course. They could wait until the two of them were safe and settled in the compound before making any other moves. He would need to make some room in his closet. Maybe he should just renovate, or switch rooms entirely, to make sure there was enough space for all of Porsche’s belongings. How much stuff did the man have? He didn’t seem particularly fashion-forward, but maybe he had other things. He likes motorcycles, doesn't he? Kinn had a few that he rarely ever rode. He didn’t know much about bikes, but he could learn. Of course, it would be much more difficult to ride a motorcycle once Porsche had a detail, but Kinn was sure they could figure something out. Maybe Kinn would buy a private course for Porsche to ride on, so that he could have his fun without being exposed to any danger. Yes, he could make sure Porsche was happy in this life, and safe at the same time. He could give Porsche everything he ever wanted. Surely, then, the man would regret running away like this. But Kinn would forgive him. Kinn would be understanding and patient and kind, just as soon as Porsche was in his arms. 

Sighing, Kinn stood up. The loneliness that was always there was spasming, clenching harder on his heart now that he knew exactly who he was looking for. Still, he had to keep moving forward. His men would find Porsche and bring him back soon, and then everything would be okay. For now, he had work to do. He straightened his suit jacket, put a smile on, and went to go find his father. 

-----

You could never really see the stars on the streets of Bangkok. It was a city like any other. The lights of those living there overwhelmed everything about the natural world. Still, Porsche sometimes liked to look up at the sky and imagine his parents among the stars, smiling down at him. He wondered if they would be smiling at his actions today. He knew they had been soulmates, and they were grateful to have found each other, and they had always told Porsche that he would treasure having his soulmate in his life. They had believed that Porsche was destined for true love. The moment Porsche found Anakinn, he had run. But what did his parents know? They weren’t even there. He was doing what he had to, in order to keep Porchay safe. Surely they would understand that, at the very least. 

Porsche didn’t really know where they were. Some back alley, somewhere. He had taken so many turns, mostly without thinking, only trying to make sure they would lose any tails Kinn had placed on him. They had started out on his motorcycle but they were now on foot. Porsche ditched the license plate and pawned the bike for way less than it was worth. Chay was visibly confused, but somehow not annoyed. He was the best little brother in all of existence for going along with all of this, but Porsche would have to explain himself eventually. He saw that Chay was growing tired, and decided now was as good a time as any. He leaned up against the alley wall, dropping his bag on the ground. At this point, he didn’t give a shit about dirt. 

“Let’s rest for a little while, Chay.” He said. He pulled out a water bottle and offered it to his brother, who accepted gratefully. Chay took a long swig and then wiped his mouth. 

“Okay, Hia.” He leaned next to Porsche, staring up at the sky. For a moment it was silent. It had been a long day, and it wasn’t over yet. Porsche wondered whether Chay would ask. He could tell his brother wanted to know, but he wasn’t saying anything. 

“You won’t ask?” Porsche said. Chay shrugged. 

“You can tell me when you're ready, Hia. I’m curious, but I trust you. I know you only keep things from me because you want me to be safe. Even if it’s frustrating sometimes… I get it.”

“But you are frustrated?” 

“I’m… confused, I guess. And worried.” Chay moved to stand in front of Porsche. “We’ve been in some bad situations before, but we’ve never had to run. Are you in danger, Hia? Did someone try to hurt you?”

“It’s… complicated. Someone was trying to hurt me, but I don’t think they’ll hurt me anymore.”

“Then why are we running?”

“I’m not worried about him hurting me. It’s… everything else.” Porsche looked at his brother, to see that the boy looked even more confused. “I might as well tell you now. There’s nothing to be gained from hiding it. You’ll be better off, knowing…” Chay waited for Porsche to speak again. He took a few seconds to clear his mind, and try to think of a good way to phrase this. 

“Just tell me. I’m your brother, I’ll understand.”

“I met Anakinn.” Porsche watched as every emotion known to man crossed his brother's face. First he was shocked, and then elated, and then confused, then he smiled again and almost started laughing before his face fell back to confusion. 

“But…” Chay seemed unable to speak. He laughed once, so short it almost sounded like a bark. He reached out and grabbed the taller man by both shoulders. Before Porsche could react, he was being pulled into a hug. “What happened, Hia? Who is he?” Chay was close to tears. This was the first time Porsche had stopped running since he’d discovered the identity of his soulmate. He hadn’t had time to process it properly. Hadn’t had time to acknowledge what it really meant. But Chay had felt it all immediately. He was already crying over it. Porsche had been angry all day, and terrified, but he wasn’t actually sad until this moment. For the first time in a long time he felt his breath get caught in his throat. He had to hold back a sob. 

“Kinn… that’s what he’s called, Kinn… he’s not a good man. I don’t know all the details but I’m pretty sure he’s part of some mafia family, and he’s really rich and really powerful and really, really shitty. He’s exactly the kind of person who’s been making our lives hell all these years, Chay. That’s who my soulmate is.”

“Oh, Hia.” Chay rubbed a hand along his back, trying to be reassuring. “It’s going to be okay.”

“He’s supposed to be the one , Chay. He’s supposed to be mine, but he’s… he’s a killer, I think. He has all these guards, and they all carry guns, and he kidnapped me. He threatened to kill me!”

“He kidnapped his soulmate???” Chay leaned back, astonished. 

“Well, he didn’t know I was his soulmate. Phoenix, remember? Though he’s probably figured it out by now. He’ll be looking for me, I guarantee it. There’s no way he’d just let me run around, not with his name on my chest. And I don’t know how far he’ll go to get me to do what he wants. He might… He might hurt you, Chay. He might try to hurt my friends, too. I sent word to Jom, Tem, and Yok to lay low for a while, and watch out for any weird guys in suits, but I’m still worried.”

“I’m sure they’ll be okay. They all can take care of themselves. You should be more worried about yourself. If An… if Kinn is after you, where would he look?”

“Anywhere. Everywhere. I… don’t actually know. I’m not smart enough for this. I know you know I’ve done some illegal shit before but nothing that was anywhere near his level. I don’t know what to do.” Porsche stared at his brother for a moment, trying not to let his fear show on his face. It didn’t work. 

“So where are we going?” Chay asked. “Are we just going to run forever?”

“No.” Porsche shook his head, and took a deep breath. “I wasn’t involved in this kind of shit, but I know someone… she can help us, I think. It might take me a few days to track her down, but once we find her we’ll be okay. I promise I’ll keep you safe, Chay.”

“I’m not the one in danger! You’re the soulmate. Maybe… maybe you should have run without me. I’ll only slow you down.”

“You’re a target because you’re related to me, and that’s enough of a risk that we have to keep moving. If he hurt me, Chay, I could take that. I can handle a lot of pain. But I can’t live without you. You’re my little brother,” Porsche tried not to let the sob building in his throat affect his voice. “You’re all I have. I love you more than anything, you know? And I need you to be safe. So don’t ever say that I should leave you behind again. I won’t allow it.” He pulled his brother back into his arms. “I couldn’t do it, Chay. I can’t.”

“Okay, Hia. Okay.” Chay brushed his hands through his brother's hair. “I promise, I won’t say it again. I promise.” They just stood for a while, enjoying each other's warmth against the chill of the night. Finally, Porsche pulled back, though he didn’t let Chay go out of arm’s reach. 

“We should keep moving.” He wiped a tear from his eye, and Chay pretended he didn’t see it. “The person we’re looking for is moving around constantly. The longer we wait, the more difficult it will be to find her.”

“Okay! Let’s go.” Chay grinned at him. “Everything will be okay. Your quote-on-quote friend will help us, and we’ll be fine.”

“Why the quotes? She is my friend!”

“Your only friends are Jom and Tem. Everybody else you know, you either fought or fucked.”

“Hey!” Porsche swatted his brother, who ducked, and giggled. The tension of their previous conversation faded away, and they laughed as they kept pushing forward into the night. 

-----

Kinn had told his father about Porsche that same night. His father had smiled at him, a genuine fatherly smile, and told Kinn he hoped the two of them would be happy together for a long time. The moment was bittersweet; Kinn was sure this was reminding his father about the loss of the love of his life. Korn’s heart had been broken then, and it still was. It was the kind of loss one simply didn’t get over. In the back of his mind a little inkling of fear for Porsche’s well-being was starting to form, but he stamped it down. Everything would be fine. After telling his father, he summoned his brothers home. Kim was off doing who knows what, so Kinn would have to wait to tell him, but he could always find Tankhun. The man was reliable that way. 

Tankhun had screamed and crushed him in a hug. His eyes grew watery, and it was truly a miracle he didn’t break down. It was all happy tears, of course. Tankhun held his brother’s face in his hands and told him he deserved to be happy. He said that their mother would have been happy for Kinn, too, and that almost made him shed a tear. Of course, then Khun immediately asked to meet him, and Kinn had to explain the situation to him. Tankhun’s face fell immediately. He looked at Kinn like the man had just said his soulmate was dead, rather than just missing. Kinn tried to explain that everything was fine, that they would find Porsche soon and bring him here, and make him understand that he didn’t need to run away, and Porsche and his little brother would move in and wouldn’t he just love having a new little brother? But Tankhun just looked at him sadly, and wrapped him in another hug. This one was more sullen. Comforting. Kinn tried not to let it affect him. Tankhun just didn’t understand. He didn’t have a soulmate, after all. Everything he knew about romance was from dramas. 

He shot Tay and Time a text in the group chat asking them to meet up tomorrow, saying he had good news. Tay sent back a million question marks and then called him a dramatic bitch. Time said they’d be there at ten am at the latest. He grinned. Those two would understand. They were soulmates, after all. They knew what it meant to be connected to someone like that, so deeply and fundamentally that it couldn’t possibly be untangled. Now that he had found Porsche, they would not be separated. Not for long, anyway. He went to sleep that night feeling giddy with anticipation, and simultaneously he was lonelier than he had ever felt before. It was okay, though. It wouldn’t last long. 

Tay and Time were ecstatic to hear that Kinn had found his soulmate. He showed them all the pictures he had of the man. He’d had his men dig deeper still into Porsche’s background, and he was very happy with the results. There weren’t a lot of pictures of the man. He was busy, after all. He didn’t have time for such things. Of course, that wouldn’t be the case anymore. Kinn couldn’t wait until he could fill his phone with pictures of Porsche. He was beautiful. He’d been beautiful in that alley, when he fought to save Kinn’s life. Sitting astride that motorcycle, grinning as he lied about his name. Even at the bar that night, when he was angry. When he was planning to escape. Even then, he was beautiful. The pictures his men had found only proved that point. One was taken by a friend of his at one of those underground fights. The thought of Porsche getting in a ring like that, risking his life, made Kinn sick to his stomach. The picture, however, made Kinn feel something else entirely. It showed him shirtless, golden skin covered in sweat, standing over the body of a fallen opponent. The angle of the picture showed off his back muscles, and his tattoo. The Phoenix. Porsche knew his true name, then. He was proud of it. Kinn wondered what the story was behind the hidden name, behind this tattoo. He wouldn’t be curious for long, of course. Soon he would know everything about Porsche, and Porsche would know everything about him. Kinn was a man with many secrets, but for Porsche he would be an open book. He could bare his soul to the other man, knowing his Phoenix would keep it safe. 

The next picture in his collection was of Porsche and his friends, who Kinn now knew as Jom and Tem, at college. They all wore their white shirts, but Porsche’s was unbuttoned almost all the way down. All three of them were making faces, and Porsche had his arms wrapped around them both. They were all clearly close. Kinn looked forward to getting to know them. They would know all about the years of Porsche’s life that he had missed, and it would be nice to hear them from another perspective. Kinn had never seen Porsche’s real smile before. He kept looking back at that photo, at how joyful his soulmate was in it. From now on, he would be the one to make Porsche smile like that. He would make it his life’s mission to ensure Porsche’s happiness. Kinn was one of the most powerful men in the world. It would be a simple task, for someone like him. 

The one he spent the most time looking at was a photograph of a younger Porsche, with his arm wrapped around Porchay. He was still in his teens when the photo was taken, but he already looked world-weary. He was grinning at his brother, who in turn was smiling at the camera. It was clear that Porsche cared very deeply about his brother. Even if he didn’t know everything he did, he would be able to tell from this photo. Porsche looked so… content, despite the trials life had brought to him. Porsche had suffered so much in his life, but he still smiled. He was truly incredible. Kinn had known, somehow, that his soulmate would be exceptional, but he never could have predicted Porsche. Kinn wanted to know what it felt like to have Porsche look at him. He wanted to hold the other man's gaze, wanted to be the one to draw his attention. Kinn knew he was handsome. He was never one for false humility. Still, his research had shown that Porsche had only ever hooked up with women. Obviously, they were soulmates, but that didn’t necessarily mean there was a physical attraction. Kinn wanted to devour Porsche. Did Porsche feel the same way? Had he also been holding back the temptation when they first met, wondering what their bodies would feel like locked together? Never in his life had Kinn been insecure about his appearance, but when it was Porsche, he suddenly felt inadequate. It didn’t help that his soulmate wasn’t here, in front of him, to tell him that everything was okay. Yes, this issue would be resolved as soon as Kinn’s men tracked down the Kittisawat brothers, which wouldn’t take long at all. Kinn would clear out his schedule for the next week so he and Porsche could spend all day long in their bedroom, discovering each other. The idea of it made him shudder, and he tried to return his focus to his friends. 

“He’s cute,” Time said. Kinn knew had wandering eyes, and occasionally wandering… everything, but he knew his friend would never make a move on his soulmate. So he chuckled, and agreed. 

“Isn’t he?”

“He seems fiery.” Tay observed. 

“He is.” 

“That will be good for you.” Tay laughed, and then looked around. “So… where is he?” 

“Well, that’s the thing, you see…” Tay and Time looked at Kinn expectantly. “He’s… taken a detour, I suppose.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Time asked. 

“Well, upon learning that we were soulmates, he - well I am assuming this, but - he became worried that I was like the other classless degenerates that had been tormenting him for many years, and so he… left.”

“And you let him?” 

“Well, not necessarily, no… He got away from me before I even realized what we were.”

“How?” Tay asked. “You’re telling me he’s faster than your men?”

“Well, he jumped off the boat. It’s not like I could ask my people to follow him.”

“He jumped off the boat? ” Tay exclaimed. He leapt to his feet. “Okay, start from the beginning. What the fuck happened?”

“Well, the other day after the Italian deal went south Don decided to send his goons after me, and unfortunately during the chase I was separated from my guards, and I happened to stumble into the alleyway behind the bar where Porsche works, and he helped me and lied about his name and took my watch and my father saw the security footage and was interested in him so I went back to the bar to find him and then I… took him onto the boat to ask him to be my bodyguard, and he attacked us and then swam off.”

“You kidnapped him.” Tay said, completely disbelieving. 

“Damn, dude. Even I know that’s fucked.” 

“Well, I didn’t know he was my soulmate at the time!”

“Yes, that’s the only reason kidnapping is bad.” Tay shook his head. “No wonder he ran, Kinn. He must have been terrified of you.” Hearing Tay’s voice made Kinn’s stomach clench. He was right, of course. Porsche was terrified of Kinn, of what he could do. But he could fix it. He would fix it. 

“That’s why it’s imperative that I find him as soon as possible. I can explain to him that the kidnapping and blackmail were misunderstandings…”

“When did you blackmail him?”

“... and that there is absolutely nothing for him to be concerned about. Sure, I am the leader of a very powerful mafia family, but as my soulmate he will be protected from any and all types of harm. I’m sure he’ll understand.” When Kinn said this, Tay looked at him sadly. 

“Oh, Kinn. I’m not so sure.”

“Why?” Time said. He seemed completely unbothered by the situation, which was greatly helping improve Kinn’s confidence in his plan. “They’re soulmates. They have to stick together, it’s the way the world works. Trust me, he won’t be able to run for long,” 

“Exactly!” Kinn smiled. “We’re meant to be together. As soon as he figures that out, he’ll come back and apologize for ever leaving in the first place.” Time laughed and nodded at him, but Tay just looked at him sadly. Though Kinn knew he was correct, the look made his insides coil. He had nothing to worry about… right? 

-----

It took two days for Porsche to track down his mysterious friend, a young, muscular girl who went by the name Berry. The entirety of their relationship was contained to a few months, but it was… intense, to say the least. The important part was this; the day that Porsche met Berry was one of very few days he was truly proud of. On that day, four years ago, Porsche had saved Berry’s life. After that incident, Porsche had helped her hide for some time, until she was out of danger and able to start a new life, under a new identity. The two of them had been forced to have absolute trust in each other, and at the end of it, Berry had sworn that she would do anything, anytime, for Porsche or his brother. Porsche was going to call in that promise now. He only had a vague idea of where she would be, but that was all he needed. They had already arranged a way to get in contact with each other, in case of emergency. 

So Porsche was waiting on the rooftop of a derelict building in what must have been the rattiest neighborhood in Bangkok. Porsche thought he’d seen all the shitholes this city had to offer, but apparently he was wrong. He sat leaning on the parapet, with Chay tucked under his arm. The younger man had fallen asleep almost an hour ago, after having spent the whole day on this rooftop. Later tonight Porsche would slip away for a little while to get some more food and water for them. A more rational person would have given up waiting yesterday, but Porsche wasn’t known for his intellect. Somehow, he just knew that she would come. If he waited, she would come for him. Chay had looked skeptical when he had explained that, but he didn’t say anything. Chay seemed resigned to fate in a way that made Porsche a little bit concerned. Beyond being okay with things, he was… complacent. It was worrisome, but they couldn’t address it until they were out of danger. 

Porsche sighed, trying his best not to let his mind wander. It was too easy to get mad at the universe when he thought about Kinn, and he didn’t want to be mad right now. He had to focus. He could think about how goddamn ironic it was that he, someone who’d barely been able to hold off the mafia his whole life, had a mafioso for a soulmate. He could think about how all his hard work, all those years of fighting and working and trying with everything he had gone down the drain the moment he met Kinn. If he wasn’t careful, he would think about how, in the moments before he’d really met Kinn, when he was just a guy getting beat up in an alley… he was beautiful. Porsche, who’d only ever gone for pretty, soft people, thought that Kinn was beautiful. It was to Kinn’s benefit that he ran, Porsche mused. Kinn wouldn’t look good with a guy like Porsche by his side. He was so smooth and clean and crisp. Porsche was all rough edges. It just wouldn’t work. 

His thoughts were interrupted by the sudden sound of feet creeping up on him. He let Chay down as gently as he could and pushed him into the wall’s shadow. Then he got on his feet, still crouched, with his body between Porchay and the door. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small knife he had. It wasn’t much, but it was better than nothing. The footsteps were light, barely imperceptible. Whoever was coming up that staircase didn’t want to be heard. If it wasn’t for all those years spent running and hiding from debt collectors, he wouldn’t have noticed it at all. Porsche felt the adrenaline flow through his body. His heart pounded. In a moment, that door would open, and he’d be reunited with an old friend, or he would have to fight for his life. He took a deep breath, and he waited. 

The door swung open to reveal a girl. Her hair was a light brown color, clearly dyed, and she was tan like she spent her whole life in the sun. She stood up straight, casually. She wasn’t expecting any danger. She was grinning, but Porsche could tell she was nervous. He realized, suddenly, that he was nervous too. It had been a long time. She took a step towards him. He took a step towards her. Then he took another, and she leaned back a little, like she was trying not to run away. The tension between them grew thick and suddenly Porsche couldn’t stand it. He lunged forward and wrapped Berry in a hug. She coiled her arms around his waist and held him tight, burying her face in his shoulder. 

“Berry,” He said. 

“Porsche.” She rubbed her face against him. “Porsche,” Suddenly overcome with glee, he clutched her tighter and lifted her off the ground. She squealed, giving away their position to anyone who might have been nearby, and Porsche didn’t care.

“Berry” he said again, relishing the fact that he could say that name aloud once again. The moment her feet touched the ground she lifted him up, and he laughed. “I see you’re just as strong,”

“Stronger,” She said. “And much smarter.”

“Thank god,” Porsche said. “You were an idiot back then.” Berry smacked him. 

“You’re still rude,” She smiled, and brushed her hand through his hair. “But more handsome than ever.” Porsche suddenly remembered that Chay was right. He had slept with her a few times, though it was never anything serious. Their relationship was complicated, but it wasn’t romantic. Still, he wasn’t going to tell Chay that. His brother would never let him live it down. 

“I’ve missed you,” He said. 

“I’ve missed you too, Porsche. So much.” She held his face in her hands. “But honestly, I hoped I wouldn’t see you again. Not like this, at least.” He knew what she meant. 

“I’ve… It’s…” He couldn’t find the words to explain. Berry didn’t say anything. She just looked at him, and waited. Porsche took a moment to calm his mind. “I’ve found Anakinn.” 

Berry gasped. She was one of very few people in the world who knew about the name on his chest. She had been the one who showed him how to contour over it. She smiled, and then frowned. 

“And?” She said, gently. She was still being patient with him, and Porsche was grateful. 

“He’s a mafia boss.” Porsche sighed. “He kidnapped me. I had to run.” He didn’t know what kind of reaction he’d been expecting, but it was not the one he got. Berry let out a loud sigh.
“Typical.” She said, “Fucking typical.” Berry pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She offered one to him, and he took it. She lit both of them up and they stood in silence. The smell of smoke surrounded them like a blanket, and Porsche felt strangely comforted. In this new reality he lived in, where none of his dreams could ever be true, cheap cigarettes smelled the same. It was nice. 

Berry dropped her smoke and crushed it under her shoe. Porsche looked at her, and took another long drag. 

“Is this your brother?” She asked, gesturing at the sleeping boy on the ground. 

“Porchay,” Porsche said. 

“I know.” Berry smiled. “You never stopped talking about him, back in the day.” 

“Still haven’t,” Porsche smiled. He still had his brother, too. Things would be okay, as long as he had his brother. “Can you help us?”

“You don’t have to ask, Porsche. I owe you my life, and even if I didn’t, you’re my friend. You might be my only friend, actually.” She laughed again. The Berry he remembered hadn’t laughed this much. He could only grin in response. “Get your brother. I’ll take you to my place.”

“Your place? You have a house?” 

“Not quite. You’ll see when we get there.” She gestured at Chay again. “Hurry up!” Porsche rolled his eyes, but walked over and carefully picked up his brother. He wouldn’t wake him unless he absolutely had to. He took another deep breath, and followed Berry off into the darkness. 

-----

It took three days for Kinn to completely and wholly lose his mind. It started as a little voice in the back of his mind telling him that they wouldn’t be able to find Porsche, and he wasn’t going to come back. His soulmate ran, because his soulmate hated him, and Kinn was going to be alone forever. Kinn tried to squash those thoughts, but the more time passed the louder those voices got. Every time his men returned with bad news he felt himself lose a little bit more control. Part of him wanted to go out and search for the man himself, but then if they did find him Kinn might be away from home. It was better for him to stay at the compound and run the whole endeavor from there. He’d barely slept since that first night, since he’d realized finding Porsche wasn’t going to be as easy as he thought. He sat in his office and stared as Arm searched through hours upon hours of security footage. The facial recognition software hadn’t brought anything up, so Kinn was making him search through it manually. The man had to be somewhere. He had to be. He kept one hand on his phone at all times, and the other gripped his knife. He’d left only once, to let off some steam at the gun range. It hadn’t really worked, but the noise of the shots helped him stop thinking, if only for a moment. 

He hadn't told his men why they were looking for Porsche. It wasn’t necessarily, after all. They did not ask questions. When one guard suggested that they were putting in too much effort for “some street trash”, Kinn had beaten him half to death. That served as a motivator for the rest of them, though he may haven given himself away a little bit. The longer Porsche was missing the more he worried. He had to be discreet in his search, or the other families would notice his interest. There were so many ways Porsche could be used against him. It made him sick to think about it, but he had to. It was for the safety of the love of his life. He could push through some painful thoughts, for the sake of his soulmate. He discreetly sent some spies into all of the major rival families. With that influence he managed to prevent anyone from learning about Porsche, but he knew he couldn’t keep it a secret forever. Kinn looking for Porsche made him a target. 

The rare times he did sleep he dreamt of Porsche. The man was golden as he danced through Kinn’s mind. He saw the two of them, in love like they were meant to be, and their future together. He imagined how the man would feel in his arms, how their bodies would fit together. In the moment before he was truly awake, he could almost feel Porsche laying next to him. Of course, it wasn’t real. He was incredibly aware of that. 

By day four Kinn was on a rampage. He spent most of it marching around the compound looking for people to yell at. He also broke half the plates in the kitchen, and then yelled at the staff for not having more ready. He also started sparring with his bodyguards, matches that always ended with his opponent in a chokehold. A few times he had to be pulled away from the fight. Some part of his brain understood it wasn’t rational. Then again, his soulmate abandoning him wasn’t rational either. Everyone in the house looked at him in fear, and the few who didn’t only seemed to pity him. When he caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror he saw a different man. His hair was oily and unkempt, his eyes were red with dark circles, and his clothes were wrinkled. For a second, Kinn thought that it was fine. If he didn’t have Phoenix, what was the point? But then he thought that if the younger man did show up, he couldn’t be seen looking like this. He’d showered and changed immediately, and called for a facial. 

Kinn decided that if he couldn’t see his soulmate, his soulmate would see him. He arranged for a few interviews with major news companies regarding the more legal sides of their business, as well as the charity work he was engaged in. He had several designers carefully select the suits he wore to each one, and ensured that he didn’t have a hair out of place. He’d always taken good care of his skin, so it was free of blemishes, but he still wore some makeup, to ensure he would look good in the limelight. He looked through his pictures of the girls Porsche used to hook up with. They were usually short, and tan, and their breasts seemed disproportionate to the rest of their bodies. Kinn was tall and pale, but he did have nice pecs. He made sure to wear tight-fitting shirts that showed them off.  He could only hope that Porsche had run somewhere the news would reach. Then he would see that Kinn was a handsome and strong man, who had enough money to take care of him and his brother for the rest of his life, and he wasn’t the monster Porsche had seen. He would show his soulmate all the best parts of him, and the man would come home. The interviews were incredibly successful, and the net worth of their businesses spiked. There was a notable change in their stock price thanks to the attention his photos had gotten on social media. Beyond his appearance, it was that a man who spent his life in the shadows had suddenly shown his face. People were curious, and they were impressed. Kinn even had his own little fanbase. And they still couldn’t find Porsche. 

Kinn’s father and brothers stepped in to help manage the businesses. This was more out of necessity than anything else. There was more work to be done now, and Kinn wasn’t in any shape to do it. He was falling deeper and deeper into his madness, and his family could only watch as it happened. Several times, Tankhun tried to talk to him, but Kinn repeatedly told him to leave. On his last attempt Kinn had yelled at him, and said that Tankhun didn’t know about soulmates, that he barely knew about the real world since he didn’t leave the house. After that, Tankhun stopped trying. Kim visited his brother exactly once during this time. The first thing he did was complain about having to help with the family business. He then stated that even he hadn’t been able to track down the Kittisawat brothers. He had found a few leads, but they hadn’t led anywhere. If they were truly so unwilling to be found, maybe Kinn should just move on. Fate would bring them together eventually. After hearing that, Kinn threw a glass at the wall, and then glared at Kim until he left the room. His brothers, his family, they didn’t understand. According to all the stories soulmates would always find each other. They couldn’t escape each other if they tried. But those stories also said it could be years, decades, before they found each other. Kinn didn’t want Porsche someday. He wanted Porsche now. The idea of waiting for so long to see his beloved again sent Kinn into a frenzy. 

He had the guards bring up a case of his favorite whiskey. He broke three bottles and drank the rest.  He’d made a giant mess of his room, and he was too wasted to clean it up. He sat down on the floor, surrounded by shards of broken glass and spilled alcohol. He leaned back against the wall, bottle in hand, and took another sip. He could feel shards around him, underneath him, but his clothes kept his legs from getting cut. His hands were not so lucky. When he tried to stand up he pushed down hard onto one of the larger shards of glass, and it pierced his skin. He stared at it for a moment. Kinn watched his blood stain the glass as it flowed down his palm, flowing in little rivulets around his arm. He was drunk enough that he couldn’t really feel it. In a moment of pure insanity, he wondered what Porsche would think, seeing him like this. Bleeding, on the ground, broken. Would he run to his side? Offer his aid? Or would he laugh, happy that his wretched soulmate was getting what he deserved? This moment was a fate fit for a monster, and that was all Porsche saw when he looked at Kinn. Kinn knew he wasn’t a good man. He was a criminal, after all. Still, he’d never thought himself deserving of pain until this moment. 

He snapped out of it as the blood reached his elbow and dripped onto the floor. He didn’t know when he’d started crying, but he wiped his tears away with his good hand. Carefully this time, he stood up and went to find a guard. Needless to say, they were all quite concerned with his injury, especially the fact that it was arguably self-inflicted. The most worrisome thing about it, though, was the look on Kinn’s face while they treated his wound. He seemed far too calm, like his mind wasn’t in his body. He hated to be looked at with pity, but today everyone had sad eyes when he passed them in the hall, and he didn’t say a word. He was beginning to understand that his situation really was pitiable. That he was no longer the proud leader of the Theerapanyakul clan, but a sad man whose soulmate had abandoned him for being a monster. 

He spent the next two days on bedrest at his fathers insistence. Guards continued to bring him updates about the search for Porsche, but he no longer reacted to them. He just stared blankly at the wall as he was told again and again that his soulmate was nowhere to be seen. A few of the older guards, the ones who were more attached to Kinn, tried to help him get out of this mood. They invited over Tay and Time to try and entice him into a night out. Kinn quietly rejected them, and lay in his bed until they had no choice but to leave. They also tried to interest Kinn in the goings-on of the companies. They showed him new products and marketing plans, things that would normally interest him. Then they tried telling him about the moves rival families were making, hoping that he would rise from his stupor to reestablish the Theerapanyakun’s dominance. Still, he stayed in bed, saying his Father was much more qualified to handle such issues than he was. In a moment of true desperation, they called one of Kinn’s former escorts to try and get his mind off of Porsche. That was the first thing they did that made Kinn truly mad. He yelled that they were incompetent, that they were disloyal, that he should kill them for their impudence. He practically shoved the escort out of the room, and Kinn had never once been rough with an escort. Kinn made the guards stand by as he drank some more, and yelled, and finally threw a bottle at Big’s head. The man barely managed to duck, and it slammed into the wall instead. Kinn seemed to come back to himself for a moment after that, and really understand what he had just done. Then he yelled at them all to get out, and slammed the door. 

Kinn’s hand healed but his heart couldn’t. His mind was in constant turmoil, so overwhelming that it transformed into physical pain. Anyone who looked at him could see how much of himself he’d lost. He drank all the time these days, firing bodyguards if they refused to bring him alcohol, even if it was on his family's orders. One day, about three weeks after Porsche’s disappearance, he called up Tay and Time and asked if they would like to accompany him to a bar. They were ecstatic to hear from him, and of course agreed. They were happy right up until the moment they realized that they were going to the bar Porsche used to work at. They tried to suggest someplace else, but Kinn wouldn’t hear it. He proceeded to get blackout drunk. Kinn had never been a violent drunk before, but something inside him had changed. He was broken in a way his friends just couldn’t fix. As the night went on he stopped being mad and just got sad instead. It ended up with him curled up on the floor of the bar, sobbing his eyes out in Tay’s arms. Time had cleared the bar of everyone, even his guards. It was one thing for people to see Anakinn Theerapanyakun getting mad, but they could not see him crying. Not in their line of work. 

Only the bar owner, a woman named Yok, remained. Apparently, she was close with Porsche. Tay was hoping that she would take pity on Kinn, see how badly he was hurting and reveal the location of his soulmate. Apparently Yok did feel bad, because she didn’t get mad at them for kicking out all their customers. She left them alone while Kinn cried. She brought out a pitcher of water and three glasses, and some snacks that didn’t look like bar food. Then she went back and sat behind the bar. Just before they left, Time decided to bite the bullet and asked if she knew who Kinn was. She smiled at him, sadly. 

“Not when y’all came in, but I think I know it now. He’s the man my Porsche was running from.”

“Do you know why?” Tay asked, cautiously. He put a hand up to stop Time from revealing anything too soon. 

“No. I assumed it was because of some debt. After tonight, though, I’m thinking that it’s much more complicated.” She looked at the ground. Tay and Time just looked at each other, and agreed that this woman didn’t know anything. She seemed genuinely sad by Porsche’s absence, and she wouldn’t be nearly this sad if she knew where he was. They were about to collect Kinn and drag him out the door when the man stood up and started laughing, a dark chuckle that made everyone nervous. 

“Complicated. Fuck.” He kept laughing. Tay walked up to him and wrapped him in a hug. Time followed and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Kinn stood perfectly still. He was staring blankly at the wall for a while, and then he looked at Yok. He leaned forward, and before Tay could realize what was happening, he had stumbled out of their arms and against the bar. He braced himself with both arms so he could look Yok in the eye. He could barely stand, and yet he looked so determined. 

“Please… do you know where he is? Do you know what he’s doing? Is he alright?” 

“I don’t know, and even if I did, why should I tell you?” Yok said. She sounded calm, like she was genuinely asking. She didn’t see the broken man in front of her as a threat. 

“He’s my soulmate.” Kinn said, and Tay gasped. The vast majority of their guards still didn’t know, and yet Kinn told Yok without a second thought. 

“Oh.” Yok stood silently for a while, processing everything. Once she was done, she simply shook her head. “I don’t know anything. I am sorry, though.” Slowly, she reached out and placed a gentle hand on Kinn’s head. There was no force behind it, but Kinn’s legs shook like he would crumble. 

“If you do… If you see him… will you tell me?” He clasped her other hand with both of his. “Please.”

“I…I can’t promise that, I’m sorry.” At that, Kinn sobbed. 

“Please, please, he’s the love of my life.”

“I’m sorry,” Yok said again. 

“Will you… if you see him, will you at least say that… I'm waiting for him. I’ll wait forever for him to come home and I’ll keep him safe and love him completely and…” Kinn wasn’t able to finish his sentence. He seemed to be at a complete loss for words. Yok nodded, and Tay and Time subtly escorted Kinn from the establishment. They handed him off to Big before heading home.

Kinn was sitting in the back of his limo, drunk off his ass, with his head aching from crying so hard, when he decided to give up. No matter how much he fought it, he simply wasn’t good enough for his soulmate. He should have expected this. Porsche was golden, full of life, and kind in a way that Kinn had never been. It didn’t make sense for him to be with someone like Kinn. Maybe someday, if Kinn could make his life better, they would find each other again. He knew somehow, without really thinking about it, that he would wait an eternity for Porsche. That he would die before being with another man. He hadn’t expected that knowing would break him like this, but here he was, a shell of his former self. Kinn looked at his hands. He imagined the ring that a better version of himself would have worn, to symbolize his union to Porsche. 

He still wanted to be with his soulmate, desperately. The ache was a constant for him, like the sensation of breathing or feeling your own skin. But he knew that this all-consuming search would get him nowhere. He would only become more of the man that Porsche hated, if he did that. So he threw himself back into his work, and tried to ignore the pain. He drank too much, but he was worse when he didn’t. His family was happy enough to see him back into the swing of things. Only Tankhun noticed how much he had really changed. Every now and then Kinn’s older brother would bring him a cup of hot coffee, made just how Kinn liked it. He would pointedly ignore the empty bottles in Kinn’s room and sit with him, asking about all the mundane things mafia men ignored. Kinn loved his brother for doing it, but hated when it happened. He hated pretending like he was still whole, still right. He hated pretending to be this confident, charismatic, intelligent man when he was nothing more than a fool. He had always been a fool; Porsche had only revealed his true nature to him. But despite all the hurting, all those nights spent wasted and alone, he still wanted Porsche to like him. He wanted to work hard and earn the man. Porsche loved his brother more than anything. Kinn loved his brothers dearly. If Porsche saw that, then surely he would see at least one good thing about Kinn. He would know that his soulmate wasn’t a complete monster, that even the villainous head of the Theerapanyakul clan loved his family. Maybe then… maybe. So Kinn sat through his brother’s questions, doing his very best not to start screaming or crying or both. He tried not to drink in front of Tankhun, so he always woke up the next morning with a terrible hangover. Then he would have a morning whiskey, so he could get rid of his headache and move on with his day. Big, who had to provide him with said whiskey, always looked like he wanted to say something but never did. It was a fragile balance that Kinn had found, but it was a balance. It wasn’t good but it was good enough for him to keep going, and so he did it. He passed six months that way, relying on material success and the sweet release of alcohol to push forward. He never stopped aching. 

-----

Living completely off the grid was… interesting, to say the least. It had taken Porsche and Chay both some time to get used to it. They were constantly moving, living out of their backpacks. They kept a few safe houses, and they could safely stay with a few of Berry’s trusted contacts. When those weren’t available, the three of them would find an alley tucked away in the remote corners of Bangkok, and they would sleep under the stars. 

They moved in silence, often separately. Berry had no known connection to the Kittisawats, meaning she could move relatively freely. Chay was in more danger, but from Berry and her ‘friends’ he learned simple but effective disguises. His pack was full of outfits that made him disappear into the crowd. He could go out occasionally, go shopping or spend some time in a park. He told people his name was Thep, if they asked. They rarely ever asked. He’d never thought of himself as a particularly sneaky person, but apparently he was quite good at it. Nobody noticed him unless he wanted them too. 

That left only Porsche, who couldn’t risk being seen on camera, hidden away from the public. Chay and Berry agreed that it was best for him to stay away from society, from anywhere there would be cameras. He only went outside when they moved locations, and that was always in the cover of night, usually curled up in the back of a borrowed (stolen) car. After about a month of this, Porsche got restless. He wasn’t meant to sit around at home all the time. He didn’t have proper access to the internet, but Chay would go out and download shows for him to watch, and brought him back books wherever he could find them. Porsche didn’t care of television, and he’d never been much of a reader. He was spending too much time alone with his thoughts, and too many of his thoughts were about Kinn. He knew that Berry was involved in something. She was with them whenever she was free, but even then she was always looking at her phones. When they were outside she was always looking somewhere, like someone was chasing her too. Finally, Porsche decided to ask her about it. When he did, she sighed, and then called Chay into the room as well. 

“Do you remember much about my past, Porsche?” She asked. 

“You never told me much about your past.” He smiled, and put his hand on hers encouragingly. “I know that you were a mercenary before. You had a job that went bad, right?” 

“Yeah, I was.”

“Weren’t you like, seventeen?” Chay asked. Berry laughed. 

“Yep! Youngest mercenary in the guild.”

“ There’s a guild??? ”

“Of course not, kid. Life isn’t a video game.” She ruffled his hair, and then continued. “Before that, though, I was an orphan. I lived on the streets with a bunch of other kids, constantly running from the authorities. We didn’t want to get shipped off somewhere, you know? We wanted to be in control of our own lives. Maybe if we’d gone with them, things wouldn’t have turned out the way they did… but that’s not how things turned out. 

When I was around fifteen years old, something weird started happening. Street kids were up and disappearing. We were all close, you know? Like family. I was closest with these twins who I’d known forever. They’d been homeless as long as I had. After there were six or seven disappearances the three of us decided to investigate. We had no idea what we were getting into.” Berry took a deep breath, and Porsche squeezed her hand. “One of the mafia families in Bangkok had started a human trafficking ring. Apparently it’s taboo, but the guy in charge at the time wasn’t deterred. He was taking kids off the street, my friends, and… selling them. We snuck into one of their bases, to try and set our friends free. But we were kids then. We were powerless against them. They killed my friends, and they captured me. I was… with them… for eight months. Two hundred and forty-seven days, actually. I counted, because there’s nothing better to do in hell than count the days till you’re finally dead. I really thought I would die there, and I thought it would be okay because I didn’t matter, because I couldn’t do anything, because I was weak. Even if I wasn’t in the situation I was in, I was worthless.” Chay reached out and hugged her, and she rubbed a reassuring hand on his back. 

“I’m so sorry you went through that. It’s awful.” 

“It was, but it’s over now. I honestly don’t remember a lot of it. Repressed it or something, you know? And I want to be able to talk about it, because… well… They used to do this thing where they would have us stand in the hallways, all chained together, like a decoration of some sort, when they were having other mafia families over. One day they had a few of us out in the hallway like that. I was listening to the owner and some other man talking about a deal they were going to make. Then he brought the man into our hallway, and the lights were dim but I could still see the man’s face. For a second, it was angry, and then it was perfectly still. Then he waved his hand and one of his bodyguards shot my owner in the face.”

“What?” Porsche said. Berry nodded. 

“The rest of them started running around, killing off all the enemy guards, and a few of them were working on setting us free from our chains. I didn’t understand what was happening. I was finally free, and I was so excited, but also so… jaded. I didn’t think it mattered, because I would just end up in the same position. I would always have dirt under the feet of some man. But then the other boss guy, the one who saved us, looked up from his phone and saw me, and he said that… he said that I should stand up, that from now on my life was my own responsibility. He said that I could become strong, and build a good life for myself. Those words have kept me going through a lot of hard times. Happiness isn’t guaranteed, but it is possible, you know?” Berry smiled at them both. They were sitting close together now, with both Porsche and Chay leaning on Berry. 

“And after that you became a merc?” Porsche asked. Berry nodded. 

“I never saw that man again, but I assume he was someone powerful. I think part of the reason I chose to do the work I did was that I was hoping to see him again. I just wanted to tell him, you know? To thank him. It feels so strange to me that there’s somebody who changed me so much, and they have no idea. But the underworld is a big place, and people don’t often advertise their faces or their dealings. Eventually I gave up, and started taking on riskier jobs, hoping for a payday big enough to leave the city. That’s how I ended up meeting you, Porsche.” She said, cheerfully. Porsche rubbed her back in response. He had no idea how much his friend had been through. He’d thought their situations were similar, but apparently hers had been much worse before they met. Porsche and Chay both held her close. She was smiling, but Porsche knew she was upset. He regretted asking her, but he was glad to know.; 

“So… what happened?” Chay asked, cautiously. Berry’s face fell again. 

“For the past six years, there’s been little to no human trafficking in Bangkok. Beyond being taboo, it became actively dangerous. Anyone who participated would be wiped out. But recently… people have been going missing again. Sometimes their bodies are found, but most are still out there, somewhere. And there’s been movement on the streets. I know that it’s happening again, and I can’t just sit by and watch. They’re selling people , Porsche. Kids. I know what it’s like to be in their position… because you’re on the street, nobody will notice you’re gone. Nobody will know or care, so you’re just stuck, being used by awful people twice your age and you think your life is just going to be like that forever and… I couldn’t leave it alone. I’ve been looking for them. I know their MO now. They send out young people that will be trusted, say there’s a place they can get room and board for doing housework. I’ve heard that same story so many times. I’m trying to warn people, but I have to be careful or they’ll switch tactics. I’ve also figured out where the customers are coming from. There’s a pimp who hangs out in a hotel downtown, owned by the Ratanaporn family. I could figure out where they’re keeping the prisoners from there, and then set them free, but they’d just keep doing it. To really put an end to it, I need to take them down for good.”

“So what’s your plan?” Porsche asked. 

“I know the Ratanaporn family is involved. There’s no way there’s a pimp working in their area without them knowing. But I don’t think they’re running the operation, they’re not big enough. It’s bound to be one of the major families, they’re the only ones who could afford to take a risk like that. I need to figure out who’s behind this, and then… I’ll find a way to destroy them.” Berry spoke with a soft determination. She took a deep breath. “It’s dangerous. I’m telling you because I don't know if I’ll always make it home. If I disappear one day, you need to run. I’m sorry, to make you both take off a second time, but if I’m caught or killed it means Bangkok is no longer safe for you both.” Porsche was about to protest, but Chay spoke first. 

“Let us help you,” he said. Porsche and Berry both looked at him. “Porsche is an excellent fighter, and I’m a pretty good spy. We can help you save those kids.” Porsche nodded before he realized he was doing it. 

“We could. Two months ago, I would have said it was impossible… but Chay’s a lot stronger than I thought he was, and I am too. Let us help.”

“I don’t want to put you both in danger because of my vendetta.”

“What else are friends for?” Porsche smiled at her. He and Chay both took her hands. “We want to do this with you, Berry. Let us help you.” She looked at them for a long moment, and then nodded. 

“Together…” She said, like she didn’t really understand the word. Porsche recalled that she had been on her own for most of her life. Even when they met, she hadn’t asked for their help. He had offered, if not forced, it. Maybe she just wasn’t the type to ask for help. That’s okay, Porsche thought. You don’t need to ask. Not among your family. 

Their lives got a lot more complicated after that. Berry showed Porchay all of her more subtle skills. How to pick a lock or steal someone’s wallet, how to walk silently and move without being seen, how to turn yourself into whatever story you’re telling. Porsche had never been any good at that type of thing, but Chay picked up on it rather quickly. He was a gentle person by nature, and he just looked innocent. Nobody would ever guess that he’d been through what he’d been through. Nobody ever thought he would be lying to them. Still, it was almost two months before Porsche and Berry let him go out by himself. He was sent into a seedy bar in the same area as the pimp. He knew that one of the Ratanaporn family’s associates frequented this bar, and that the man had a certain preference for softer men (or as Chay put it; twinks). Berry was in the corner the whole time, ready to extract him the moment things got dangerous, but it didn’t happen. Chay was a natural. He played his part perfectly and left with the man’s phone number, and the contents of his wallet. 

Porsche still stayed inside most of the time. He spent most of the day training, and when the others were home he would help them strategize. He was the one standing in front of the mystery-board, trying to put all the pieces together, while Berry and Chay gathered intel. Porsche would occasionally accompany Berry when she was going on a particularly dangerous mission, for which she needed a second man. Porsche wasn’t as sneaky as the other two but he knew how to stay out of sight. He and Berry were a well-oiled machine, perfectly timing their attacks to leave no evidence, and no bodies. They weren’t morally opposed to killing, but leaving a body would mean alerting the traffickers to their presence. The three of them passed their days that way. Chay would go to a high-end bar in disguise and pickpocket whenever they ran out of money, and Berry could get them any supplies they needed. It wasn't happy work. They were constantly reminded of the suffering that they were trying to end. However, there was something strangely motivating about it. Porsche had spent so long after he ran away wondering why his life had gone the way it did, if there was something he should have done, if this was the way things always would be… but he didn’t think about that anymore. He thought about the people who needed his help, and he could push all other thoughts from his mind. His soulmate still invaded his mind on occasion, usually in the moments before he fell asleep, but it wasn’t as painful as it was at first. Even after all that happened, he was still a good person, or, he was still trying to be a good person, and that was enough. 

It had been six months and four days since Porsche had met Anakinn. Despite all the progress he had made, he couldn’t help but split his life into before Kinn and after. His life had been a pile of tragedies, but that was the one that really took the cake. His soulmate, a villain. Hilarious. After all this time, the three of them decided that it was finally time to take Porsche into society. They couldn’t stay in hiding forever, after all. Even when Berry and Chay went out, they stayed in seedy back-alley bars and local markets without cameras. Their expeditions into the upper echelons of their city were always rushed, and always in deep disguise. Porsche missed looking at people he wasn’t about to knock out. He missed being able to browse for chips, look through the specials and new ramen flavors and enjoy the cool fluorescent lighting of the modern era. After much deliberation, they decided to visit a 7-Eleven, on the other side of Bangkok. Porsche and Chay were both wearing simple disguises, and Berry went so far as to put on normal clothing. 

They split up as soon as they got inside. After so long, Porsche was very ready to spend some time away from his brother. He was glad to have this quality time with his family, of course, but sometimes a man just needed to go snack-shopping by himself. He found himself in the candy aisle, and was considering indulging in it for once when he heard a familiar voice that stopped him dead in his tracks. Looking around, he saw a TV hanging from the ceiling in the corner, playing a business-news channel. On it, they were discussing a recent merger between two companies, but that wasn’t what had gotten Porsche’s attention. It was the man who’s interview they kept showing.
Kinn Theerapanyakul was a handsome man. Porsche could acknowledge this. He looked especially handsome in the bespoke suit he was wearing to the interview. He looked like he always did, clean and put together, but there was something different. He was somehow paler than when Porsche had last seen him. His eyes held less light. It made sense, considering he’d been abandoned by his soulmate. Of course, a man like Kinn would never let that get in the way of business. Porsche turned away, attempting to force his heart to stop pounding. It didn’t work, of course. He focused on his hands, then his shoes, and then the racks of bagged candy. Finally, he gave up, and went to find Chay. 

He ran into Berry first. She was staring at the screen, completely immersed in it. For a moment, Porsche thought she’d somehow figured out that Anakinn Theerapanyakul was his soulmate. It wasn’t that far of a leap to make, considering. But he wasn’t ready to talk about it, so he prayed she was enraptured by something else and asked. 

“What’s going on?” 

“That’s him, Porsche. That’s him!” Porsche’s heart fell. Damn. Now he’d probably have to explain exactly how it all went down, and that would be an emotional conversation that he just wasn’t ready for. 

“Berry…” He started. 

“That’s the man who saved me.”

-----

It had been six months and seven days since Porsche had gone into hiding. Kinn had spent the vast majority of those days halfway drunk and in a haze. He just couldn’t stand being sober. He’d gotten high a couple times with Tay and Time, who thought weed might help him mellow out a bit. It didn’t help. Smoking had always emptied his mind before. Now it emptied his mind of everything but Porsche. No, Kinn preferred to drink. It numbed him up a little bit, just enough that he could move through his days without hating himself completely. He knew his family was worried about him. Even Kim, who hated to partake in anything affectionate, had tried to spend time with him. Kim hadn’t tried to make him stop drinking, which Kinn had been grateful for. The two of them split a bottle of whiskey and sat in near-silence on Kinn’s balcony. He didn’t really feel better after that night, but it helped him remember that there was more to life than his soulmate. He still had a family that he had to take care of. He had to keep going for his brothers, for his father. He didn’t like to think about his mother these days. She would have been so sad for him, he knew. She would have wrapped him up in her arms and told him that it wasn’t his fault. Maybe she would have encouraged him to chase after Porsche longer, to try harder to be the man Porsche wanted him to be. She would have thought there was a way Kinn could have his true love without abandoning everything else. Kinn knew that wasn’t true. 

They said that time could heal all wounds. They never said how much time. Kinn was certain that he would be feeling this loss for the rest of his life. For a while there he had hoped that they would find him, that he’d slip up and show his face on some camera somewhere and Kinn would have a chance to make things right. He didn’t think that anymore. Even if he did, it wouldn’t make anything better. Kinn was impulsive and jealous and cruel at times, and he was a career criminal, and he had kidnapped his soulmate , and nothing would ever make that better. 

Kinn looked at the clock. It was eight-thirty in the evening. This was around the time people stopped bothering him about stuff. It was time for him to begin his nightly routine of drinking himself to sleep. He smiled darkly and picked up his whiskey. For a while after Porsche left he’d been drinking straight from the bottle, but now he had at least enough willpower to pour himself a glass. Surely, that counted for something. He was getting better, in his own way. He chuckled, and downed his drink. He wondered what Porsche was up to tonight? Had he left the city, or was he somewhere nearby, hiding in plain sight? Was he upset that his soulmate turned out to be a monster? Or had he overcome it already? Maybe he’d already moved on, went around finding pretty girls with long, dark hair and golden skin to fuck. Hell, maybe he was going out with men now. Going out, dating. Could Porsche be in a relationship? Even with that name on his body? Probably. If Kinn had the opportunity, he would be with Porsche no matter what name he had or what the universe said. 

Kinn was supposed to fall in love with Phoenix slowly, helplessly, like he had imagined. He was supposed to welcome him into his home, his life, and find that his partner was everything he’d ever wanted. He’d be intelligent, and kind. Charming. He was supposed to wake up one day in bed next to his lover and realize that the universe was right. Instead, Kinn was here, alone, drinking in silence. He’d spent more time looking at pictures of Porsche than he had looking at the actual man. He knew so much about him, more even that his close friends would know. More than Porchay probably knew, given Porsche’s penchant for keeping secrets. He didn’t think he’d loved Porsche right away. In the beginning, it was more about finding his soulmate than anything else. It was the principle of the matter. But Kinn spent hours every day reading reports and interviews and assessments, even medical records, and he found himself falling in love with the person they described. Everybody who knew Porsche liked him, even some of the guys he’d fought against in the ring. He always won, but he was a good sport about it. His college classmates knew him as the guy who rarely showed up, and always caused a scene when he did. He was famous for insulting a bigoted teacher to his face, and promptly getting kicked out of the class because of it. Things had been hard for him ever since his parents died, but he kept fighting. He loved his brother more than anything. He was a loyal friend, despite his chronic flakiness. He tried his best, even at the things he was bad at. In high school, he’d stayed up for weeks studying for a math test, just to barely pass. He’d spent a free weekend sweating his ass off to get onto his college’s football team, even though he didn’t have time to actually be on it. According to Tem, he just wanted to prove that he could. When Porsche was six years old, he broke his leg trying to rescue his neighbor's cat from a tree. When he was eleven, he hurt his shoulder during a judo tournament, when he refused to yield to a boy twice his size. When he was thirteen, he got a black eye defending a friend from a bully. After that, there was a single solitary doctor's appointment, at the age of twenty. He’d gotten seven years worth of vaccines, and was advised to get his wisdom teeth removed. He never went back. Porchay, however, saw a pediatrician every year like clockwork. Porsche would work, bribe, or steal to make it happen. He never took chances with his brother. 

In a world without fate, without soulmates, Kinn still would have loved that man. How could anybody not? He was incredible, and he would have been Kinns, if Kinn were a better man. 

Kinn took another drink. He sighed, and leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling. It was smooth, pristine. He’d spent a considerable amount of time during the past six months in Porsche and Porchay’s home. He would lie in Porsche’s bed and imagine what it was like to be him. The man’s room was desolate, unlike Porchay’s which was neatly decorated. The ceilings there were cracked and peeling. Kinn doubted that Porsche had ever noticed. Kinn was now the owner of Porsche’s home, legally. He had every intention of returning it to the Kittisawat brothers, as soon as he could find them. He had considered getting some repairs done, to show his soulmate he was reliable, a man of means. He decided against it. They had kept this house for the memories. Kinn didn’t want to mess with it. 

He was pouring himself another drink when he heard a knock on the door. He huffed. Didn’t his guards know better than to let someone pass them? He didn’t respond, certain they would leave him alone. He took a sip. 

Another knock, more urgent time. Kinn grumbled this time. 

“Leave me alone!” He yelled. He sounded like a child and he hated it, but he really couldn’t deal with anybody right now. He heard the doorknob rustle, and then three of his guards barged in. He turned to see Big, Ken, and Arm rushing towards him. In the back of his mind, he thought it was a little strange to see Arm here, considering that he was his brother's guard. He was too upset to really say anything right now. “Get out.”

“Khun Kinn,” Big started. “I think you’ll want to…”

“I said get out.” Kinn gripped his cup harder, and then took a sip in an effort to calm down. 

“But Khun Kinn,” said Ken. Kinn glared at him, and he backed down for a moment before apparently regaining his nerve and continuing. “It’s just that -”

“Fuck off. I don’t care what it is, you can tell me tomorrow,”

“But Khun…”

“For the love of God, go away- '' He was interrupted by Arm shoving a tablet directly in front of his face. It took a second for his eyes to focus. Arm was showing him one of their security feeds, an extremely expensive investment on Kinn’s part. He’d sprung for the highest quality video footage on all the cameras, with sound and full color. He was glad he did, in that moment, because in perfect HD quality he could see Porsche, standing on his front porch.