Archive of Our Own

You can ask anyone that I know and they would all say that I, Sydney Adamu, am the strongest person they know.

Powerful. Well fortified. Brave. Independent. Take no shit from no one.

Man or woman. 

But this…this was different. 

They never mention how open my heart becomes when it finally grants permission to enter, letting my guard down and blowing up my concrete walls to make room for love. They never mention my undying loyalty and how I might offer it even if it might not be deserving because I know what it’s like to be given half of what I am warranted. I am a natural giver, providing more than I have because I want others to feel joy, know that I care for them even if it harms me. For all it is worth, it still led me to banging frantically on Carmy’s door a quarter after midnight, swallowing every ounce of my pride that I have left as I wait for him to answer. 

“Sydney?” He squints with a look of confusion, like he’s hallucinating my existence. I try to maintain a neutral expression, like this is totally normal to be standing here after he just dropped me off across town not too long ago. His hair is wet from a recent shower, he's shirtless and his sweats hang low on his hips clearly giving the impression that he is on the way to bed and not supposed to be expecting company. “What are you doing here?”

“Um…sorry. I just, I think I left my keys back at The Bear. Dad’s gone until the morning so I’m kinda fucked, had nowhere else to go.”

“What about James?” James. 

James Vazquez.

James came into my life right as I reached my peak loneliness, touch starved and dying for some normalcy. The day we met was like any other: checking lists, preparing food, dealing with Carmy and clocking out like normal. I was standing on the platform waiting for my train with my earbuds in, some toxic Brent Fiyaz song played out like a soundtrack when he approached me nearly one year after opening The Bear. Usually, I had a full proof system for blowing men off who tried to spit game at me when I’m the least interested but I paused this time, unable to deny how attractive he was: he's taller than me, skinny but firm, has well maintained curly black hair, presents as some type of Hispanic (which he later clarified is Puerto Rican), and has the most inviting big toothy smile that reminded me of mine.

“Yo, I don’t mean to bother you but I had to say something while I had the chance. I’ve seen you around looking all profesh in your uniform...looking mighty good in it too. I gotta ask, what do you do?”

“I’m a chef, CDC.”

“Ah. I bet you throws down in the kitchen, making all the calls in the joint too. You look like you mean business, what’s your name?”

“Sydney.”

“James, James Vazquez. Sydney, anyone ever tell you that you have the prettiest brown eyes?” 

Any other time lines like that would never work on me, too easy and cheesy for my taste, but this time was different. I had spent the last year stressing about The Bear and trying to mend my relationship with Carmy that I felt I deserved a release. I had so much pent up emotions on a day to day, taking such a toll on me that it led me to craving intimacy for the first time in a long time. I had been able to go without male interaction for years at a time but I got the sudden urge again, circulating the dating apps for the potential of maybe even a hookup but I couldn't do it without an in person connection.

There was only so much that I was getting from my time with Carmy during that time that the warm fuzzies I felt in the pit of my stomach whenever he talked to me or touched me had settled to cold stillness. Once he was freed from the freezer, we argued for days until there was nothing left to say.

Where was my loyalty, where was my respect?

I should’ve been the one to call it quits, say “fuck you and fuck this restaurant ” but I just couldn’t, I couldn’t leave him if I tried. I requested full commitment from him instead, spitting out empty threats of leaving and he bowed down to me without another word. After that, he turned so professional, emotionally distant even and not nearly as friendly as the Carmy I had grown to like as a person and not just as a chef. Whatever romantic vibrations I thought I had picked up on the evening of Friends and Family were clearly wrong, but honestly it was my fault for reading into his sincerity. With the rose tinted glasses now broken, it was made clear that we were just partners and I realized that if I wanted more than that, I had to get it from somewhere else.

I needed real love.

I gave James my number before boarding the train and a text came in moments after I pulled off.

Unknown Number: I’m glad I finally worked up the nerve to speak to you, Sydney. Have a blessed night

It was just a bar, nothing crazy over the top for our first date. I truly needed a break from the restaurant scene anyway, not interested in mentally critiquing meals as I tried to get to know someone and it also took me out of my comfort zone which I liked. We sat with our drinks and just discussed life like two normal people. I hadn’t had to introduce myself to anyone in so long that I was afraid I would be stumped but thankfully he kept the conversation going and I got into the groove with ease. He informed me that he’d been working for UPS for three years and I told him coincidentally all the wild stories about my times driving for them as well. He explained to me about his mother moving him and his three siblings here when he was nine after his father passed away and I told him about how it’s just me and my dad here in the city. 

When we walked back to the train station that night, he made sure I was alright to get home but I wanted to tell him I didn’t want to leave. I was too afraid to admit I wanted more, fearful of giving the impression that I was just after a hookup because I really did like him so I settled on a kiss for the night. The kiss was amongst the best I ever had, his soft lips taking over mine in a smooth glide back and forth as my train whirled passed. He begged for me to text him when I got home safely and the whole ride I nearly vibrated out of my seat, replaying that kiss over and over until I was in my bed and could touch myself in peace thinking about it. 

A month and three dates later, I got an invite to his place for the first time. I applauded him for never rushing me to his bed, respecting me enough to never speak on sex but to be honest, it was all I could think about. To get the ball rolling, I initiated the idea by offering to cook for him in which he said he could never turn down a professional home cooked meal. He watched over me as I whipped up a traditional Puerto Rican dish, Arroz Con Gandules , that he claims is his favorite that his mom makes. I had asked Tina for her recipe, knowing she would have the most authentic version and she gladly wrote it down but not before asking what for.

“Stop being nosy…but I'll let you know if he likes it.”

She was happy for me.

His eyes rolled to the back of his head when he took his first bite. He literally shot up from his seat and took a lap around the apartment as he cheered me on for successfully pulling off the dish. I was rewarded with a deep kiss that didn’t feel the same as the others: it felt passionate, purposeful, and sucked the air out of my lungs like I had been waiting for. 

I barely remember the rest of that night. It was all a blur of clothes being ripped off in between laughs and kissing, being carried to his room and crying out his name as he fucked me into the A.M..

Two months later, I decided to introduce him to the crew at an after work hangout. We had finally gotten the L word out of the way, or what I really mean is he finally got the L word out of me. He said it first, casually as we walked in the grocery store picking up ingredients for dinner and it caught me off guard, unsure of how I felt about it. I was tight lipped on the subject for weeks after but he stroked it out of me against my will. I would say it was a little unfair to ask someone if they love them while in the middle of an orgasm but I digress. By the night of the hangout, it felt like I was hiding him for no reason. I had met his family and hung out with his friends numerous times and they were nothing but accepting of me. My dad invited him over a couple of days prior and they got along great so it only felt right to let him further in. Luckily my chosen family took him in as well, friendly and inviting as they took turns introducing themselves. Tina spoke to him in Spanish for a good minute before giving me praise for pulling such a “fine papí” . Richie offered to buy him a beer before embarrassingly spilling the beans on me stabbing him last year. Carmy on the other hand was silent, eyes locked in on me as he watched attentively until we approached him. When they met, it was an awkward exchange of short hellos, an overly firm handshake and dead air. I waited until James was distracted, joking with Fak to question him about what was on his mind but he just looked even more conflicted than before.

“You didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend.”

“You never asked. Plus, it’s fairly new. It’s been great.”  

“He’s good to you?”

“Yeah, really good.” 

I don’t know if speaking that into the universe did something to the trajectory of my life but not even a week after the hangout, James questioned me for the first time about my relationship with Carmy.

“Anything happen between you two?”

“He’s my boss.”

“I didn’t ask you that, I asked you if anything has happened between you two.”

“No, James. It’s strictly professional, has always been. Okay?” 

“Okay. I’m sorry, just I can tell he’s got a thing for you.”

A thing for me.

I replayed in my mind over, over and over again for the next few weeks. Camry has a crush on me? I don’t know if my subconscious needed to hear that, but it caused me to become hyper fixated on how he was around me. Every time I was in the room with him, I would listen attentively to the way he spoke to me or take note of how he would react to me getting close to him. 

It was intoxicating. 

His demeanor would change at our proximity, both of us getting flustered when we would catch ourselves leaning too close or speaking with such a softness that was only reserved for someone you're infatuated with. It was like chipping away at that hard exterior, exposing the warmth I had been missing in the previous months but confusing me in the process because where had this been all along? I had to push the scary thought of “what if?” to the back of my head, burying it deep down in the corner of my mind and push my love for my actual boyfriend to the forefront like I should. I refused to acknowledge my conflicted feelings for Carmy, dialing it back and solely focusing on James because I already had enough problems to deal with.

It started with calls while at work. 

He would call me mid-services sometimes but my phone was deep in my locker so I couldn't hear it. When I would get a break towards the end of service, I’d pull my phone out and have several texts waiting, wondering why I’m not answering.

James: I mean damn you can’t answer the phone? I know your shits not poppin like that that I can’t get to you for 8 hours

I apologized profusely, promising to keep my phone on me and check it more often. I understood the complexities of my job made me unattainable for most hours of the day. Going to work early in the morning and coming home late at night six days a week was extreme for most non chefs. It meant our time was limited, barely seeing him for more than a few hours during the work week and having to double down on all my love and affection for him on my one day off. 

The arguing increased once the feature on Carmy and I came out in Food and Wine magazine noting our Michelin star we earned. Everyone celebrated our accomplishment, congratulating us on all of the hard work that had finally paid off but the only thing he cared about was how the journalist painted a picture that made it seem like me and Carmy were more than just partners.

“Oh you must think you’re the shit with your little picture and column.”

“And I am.”

“You know you guys make a cute couple, got you looking like the Beyonce and Jay-Z of the cooking world. Might as well get married and build an empire. ”

“Haha…That’s not funny. It’s not like that, I’ve told you that.”

“Well that’s not what this journalist thinks if he noted how ‘comfortable, attentive and affectionate’ you are with one another. I’ve got eyes too, I can see it. ”

“You’re wrong.”

“One thing about it Syd is I’m never wrong.”

It was a threat but I was too blind to see it. 

The first time he tried to separate me from my family was right after our six month anniversary. We had a great time celebrating the day before and decided to keep it simple that next night by choosing a movie and cuddling up on the couch. He randomly turned the volume down during the best part of the movie and asked me to move in with him. I shot up from my place on his chest in confusion and paused the movie all together. We had only been together half a year, how could he feel comfortable with a practical stranger moving into his home? I tried my best to explain to him that I didn’t think I was ready for that step just yet, that I would reconsider after a year but that I also wasn’t ready to leave my dad just yet.

“How long do you plan to be up under your dad? That man needs his space too and you’re a grown ass woman. He’s done all the raising that needed to be done. Stop being such a scary bitch, Syd.” 

I psychoanalyzed those words, them eating away into my head like termites to old wood. It never dawned on me that my dad could want his space back. The idea of him itching for me to leave the house so he could do what he wanted but I was in the way filled me with guilt. After much thought, I still couldn’t bring myself to commit to moving in with him full time. I barely saw my dad as of recent, failing to show up for dinners and canceling solo hangouts whenever James complained too much, but couldn’t imagine being completely removed from his life. I settled for keeping a good amount of clothes at James' for at least a few days out of the week and sleeping over on the days my dad works nights so I can leave from his place in the morning. It added an extra element of stress, trying to spend as much time with both men as I can and commuting both ways weekly was exhausting but it was the sacrifice I made by being a scary bitch who couldn’t leave her daddy’s side.

The first and only time that he beat me came nine months into our relationship. I texted him that I was staying back at work to do some more tweaking of the newest menu with Carmy but would still be home by 10. We had been working diligently on this menu for weeks and it was truthfully taking up a lot more of the little time I already had with James. I had started to get the feeling that Camry was purposefully being indecisive, prolonging these meetings just to be in my presence but I didn’t speak it out loud, flattered by the idea of him yearning to spend time with me. But with that realization and James’ reaction to finding out I was alone with him all this time, I no longer felt comfortable going back to Carmy’s anymore so the boundary that we work at the restaurant instead of at his apartment was implemented. 

“You're telling me that you think it’s appropriate to be alone in that man’s apartment? God, for someone who claims to be smart, you can be stupid ass fuck sometimes.” 

When I got to James' apartment later than I expected, I was met with him sitting at the kitchen bar with a soured expression. 

“So, did you get the menu done?” He didn’t greet me with his usual excitement, just took another sip of his beer as he stared ahead at nothing. I approached him anyway, giving him a kiss on the cheek before putting my keys down on the bar and sitting my bag down on the floor. 

“Not fully but almost there,” I dug into my bag and pulled out a to-go container of the food we made tonight, still hot. “Made this new dish that we think will work perfectly, I even added sweet plantains like you like. Carmy said it was a good touch.”

What Camry actually said was a lot more than that and it had me blushing the whole way home.

“Your eye for flavor compatibility is impeccable, Syd. I’m your biggest fan.” 

“Why didn’t you call me back?” He questioned, coldly.

“What do you mean?” 

“I called you an hour and a half ago. You said you’d be home by 10, it’s damn near 11:30. You don’t see the problem with that?”

“Babe, c’mon.” I touched his shoulder and he aggressively shook me off. “I know I said 10 but I got wrapped up in testing this food out, then we had to clean up, I’m sorry. Carm was cool enough to offer me a ride…”

“You let him drive you here? Are you fucking with me?”

“ No , I’m not. He was just being nice after keeping me out so late.” I tried to induce common sense into the conversation but it was falling on deaf ears. “You know how wild the lines get after dark coming over here. It was for my safety, James.”

“Then you fucking call me!” He yelled like it was the obvious answer and it only drove me to get louder.

 My first mistake.

“For what? You don’t even have a car, what would you do? Ride the line after you’ve been at work all fucking day to come meet me and ride back? That’s just idiotic!”

“Yo, Syd. You better watch your fucking mouth!” He got up from his seat and approached me. It wasn’t like I hadn’t been in my fair share of arguments with men before. Camry and Richie had both been chest to chest with me in the heat of the moment and never did I ever truly feel afraid that either would try to harm me. I knew at the end of the day that they loved me or at least respected me enough to never raise their hand to me even when I was at my worst.

“Or what? Let me tell you something and hopefully it gets through your thick fucking head this time because I’m not going to say it again so listen: I’m not fucking him. If I wanted to, I would've done it a long time ago and maybe I wouldn’t have to put up with your bullshit-” 

The first hit came right to the middle of my stomach, the force stealing all the air out of my lungs like a robbery. I fell to the ground with a loud thud, wheezing for air in disbelief.  

“What the fuck did you say, bitch?” The kick to my side shot hot pain through my rib cage causing me to scream out in agony. “Shut the fuck up!” The punch to the back of my head nearly knocked me unconscious but my body automatically went into defense mode, pulling myself into the fetal position and covering my head with my arms so that he couldn’t hit my face. 

It would be hard to hide if I walked into work with a black eye and a busted lip. 

I don’t know if it was God choosing to finally step in and help me but the onslaught of punches and my screams were halted when the continuous banging at the door rang through the apartment like thunder. 

“Don’t say a word.” He warned me before moving towards the door and yanking it open.

“Hey man, can you keep it the fuck down? I got kids sleeping over here! You and your lady are shaking the walls with all that yelling.” The neighbor complained. I saw my bag still on the floor next to my head and I grabbed it fully aware that this was my only chance to get out. I barreled down the hallway behind him, breaking past his arm and running straight into the neighbor.

“Sydney, get the fuck back in here!” James tried to get ahold of me but the neighbor moved in front of him, blocking his access.

“Ma, are you okay?” The man asked me but I didn't stick around to answer. I nearly fell several times as I rolled down the five flights of stairs as fast as I could and out into the cold of the night. 

I ran and ran and ran.

I ran until I felt like I could finally stop and catch my breath in some dark alley, feeling it was much more safe than what I just left. My breath was shaky and a singe tore through my stomach and chest with every deep pull. I painfully threw up everything that I had consumed earlier in the day, retching until it was nothing but bile. Once I was able to think straight, I dug into my bag and retrieved my phone that had been ringing nonstop since I left the building. I considered calling my dad but I knew he was at work and I couldn’t even bear to tell him what had just happened to me.

“How could this happen, Sydney? My Sydney would never let this happen.”

I considered calling 911 next but I live in Chicago so I know that they would just laugh and hang up once they heard what I had to say. 

“Yes, I’m a black woman who got into a physical altercation with my non-white boyfriend but I’m no longer in danger and I am not currently dying.”

I decided to turn off my location so I can no longer be tracked by him before turning my phone completely off, not caring to see any of the messages pouring in. I looked back into my bag for my keys before I remembered them sitting on the counter next to the food.

“Fuck!” I slapped my face several times because I deserved it. I couldn't even go home if I wanted to and now that I realized he has my keys, a new fear was unlocked of him possibly waiting for me there.

That’s how I ended up where I am right now at Carmy’s apartment, standing here like the man I thought I was in love with didn’t just beat me like I was nothing to him.

“James? Oh, we broke up. Long story for another day.” 

“Oh shit,” His eyebrows shoot up, looking like he wants to ask more follow up questions but deciding against it, moving out the way. “Please, come in.” I skirt past him, praying the glint of sweat all over my body and the stench of vomit isn’t obvious as I invade his space. I walk deep into the apartment and am greeted with a different type of scene than I’m used to: the TV is playing some cooking show on low volume, the couch made up like a bed and there’s a half smoked cigarette still burning in the ashtray. 

“Sorry,” He moves past me, ashing it out. “I usually fall asleep on the couch most nights.”

“It’s okay.” I try to sound as normal as possible but it still comes off raspy from the screaming and puking.

“How about I make the bed for you? I’ll just stay out here since I’ve smoked it out.”

“You don’t have to.” He waves me off. 

“No, I insist, please.” He opens the linen closet and pulls out a fresh pair of sheets. Part of me wants to sleep in the old ones just so I can smell his cologne. “Just give me a moment to get this situated. In the meantime, you're free to use the bathroom. I can let you borrow some clothes.”

“Please, thank you.” I smirk at him and he smirks back before disappearing into the bedroom. I space out in his absence, replaying the last hour of my life in slow motion, pondering what possessed me to say that. I knew Carmy was a trigger point and I used his insecurity against him in the heat of our biggest argument. The look on his face when I said it was something I’d never seen, a version of James that was void, completely soulless. 

He was right, he wasn’t wrong. I brought that out of him.

“Syd, you okay?” I snap out of my thoughts, notice him standing there with a pile of clothes wearing a concerned face. “Looked out of it for a sec.”

“Sorry, just really fucking fired.” 

“Understood, about to crash now. Again feel free to anything in the bathroom, got a new toothbrush under the sink and towels in the little closet in there.”

“Okay, thanks again, Carm. You're a lifesaver.” I mean it with every fiber of my being.

“Anything, Sydney. Goodnight.” He leaves me to it and I go into the bathroom and lock the door. I cut the water on high and let the hot steam fill up the room. I strip out of clothes slowly, careful not to cry out again as I lift my arms to get my shirt off and when I’m finally naked, I assess my body in the mirror. The tears well up in my eyes as I see the contusions on my abdomen and left side of my rib cage beginning to bloom with softball size bruises. The base of my head aches equally, creating a painful thud in the back of my skull that feels like a hammer is cracking against it with full force. I open the medicine cabinet and retrieve some aspirin, downing a few with a gulp of sink water after I couldn't dry swallow. I could care less about my braids as I get in the shower, kneeling in the tub, letting the force from the showerhead give off the sensation of thousands of needles embedding into my skin. With my chest to my knees, I bring my hands over my mouth and clench tightly as I cry silently into the drain so it washes away my tears alongside the water. 

When I exit the bathroom wearing one of Carmy’s infamous white tees and a pair of his sweats with a towel still wrapped around my braids, I peek to see that he is thankfully asleep, breathing slowly as the TV plays on. I almost feel the urge to ask him to come to bed but I decide against it and head back into his room, a foreign place for me. It’s simple: a full size bed, matching blue sheets and comforter, and a small side table with a lamp that is shining just enough of an orange glow that I can see. I place my phone on the nightstand, plugging it into the charger and turning it on. 

14 missed calls

25 new messages

I double check to make sure that none are from my dad before going to James’ number and blocking him all together. I get into bed and even though the sheets are new and his clothes are clean, they still smell like Carmy, confirming the majority of the scent I smell on the daily is from the detergent he uses. I pull the shirt over my nose and take multiple deep breaths to calm myself and before I know it, I drift off to sleep.  

“Syd?” I ignore my name being called in favor of more rest but when I feel a heavy hand grip my shoulder, I nearly jump out of bed in fear. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you but it’s time to get up.”

“Oh,” My heart is nearly beating out of my chest and I can tell he’s studying me, scanning my body to memory. I quickly cover myself again with the comforter, afraid I might have just exposed my dirty little secret. “Ok, thank you.” After a moment he moves into his closet to go change and I head back into the bathroom with my bag clutched to my chest. I’m so stiff that it hurts to brush my teeth and I’m immediately made aware of how difficult it is going to be to get through this work day. I have no choice but to throw back on my bra, panties and the pants from last night, knowing well enough Camry wouldn’t have anything that would adequately fit my lower half. When I walk out, he’s stowing his pack of cigarettes in his pocket and checking his jacket for his wallet. “Do you mind if I wear your shirt?”

“No, that’s fine,” He reaches behind him and when he turns back, he’s holding my phone. “Grabbed this for you.”

“Uh….” I blink several times before taking it. “Thanks.”

“Ready to go?” I nod and follow him out the apartment. The short car ride was mostly quiet until I guess the suspense was killing him and he needed to know the reasoning why before we walked into The Bear. “So, you and James are done?”

“Yeah.” I answer quickly, not looking at him. 

“So you clearly broke up with him after I dropped you off.” He contemplates before continuing on. “Did that have anything to do with it?”

“No, why would it?” 

“He definitely wasn’t fond of me.” He chuckles like there's an underlying joke in there that I’m missing. 

“Wow, what gave you that impression?”

“He told me.” I snap my head towards him so fast that I'm surprised it doesn’t break off and roll into his lap. 

“What do you mean? When was this?”

“I mean he didn’t exactly say it but just said something weird. It was the last time I saw him, I believe it was a couple of weeks ago and I think you were in the bathroom or something-”

“Get to the point fast.” I’m clearly not in the mood for a story.

“He asked about you and I…like romantically.”

“Jesus Christ, Carmy.” I rub my forehead, praying for the second dose of aspirin that I just took to kill the already present headache and my now newly forming one.

“I told him that you are my business partner, that's it.” I give him a look like I am unsatisfied with the answer. “He just grabbed my shoulder and told me to ‘keep it that way’ before walking away.”

“Why the fuck are you just now telling me this?” I feel immediately nauseous by the thought of him trying to intimidate Carmy, fully showing how far he would go to get in between us. “He touched you?”

“I wasn’t trying to upset you, I just figured I could tell you now since you two aren’t together anymore. I’m fine, it’s not a big deal.”

Not a big deal. 

“Fuck you, Carmy.” I hop out the car, slamming the door shut and storm towards The Bear before I realize I don’t have my keys, forcing me to wait for him. He exits the car slowly, coming up next to me with an apologetic expression. 

‘I’m sorry, Syd. I didn’t mean to say it like that. Clearly you love the guy…”

“No!” The scream startles him and I put my hands out to stop him from speaking. “I don’t anymore. Can you just open the fucking door?” He doesn’t say another word, just pulls out his keys and lets me in. I beeline for the bathroom as fast as I can in my predicament and turn on the water to disguise my gags. I throw up nothing but clear liquid, proving I am currently running off of dread and pain alone. I sat on the floor for God knows how long before I started hearing familiar voices in the kitchen. I flush the toilet, splash my face several times with the cold water and rinse my mouth. I practice smiling in the mirror several times but fail to produce a single good one.

“Morning, mami.” Tina greets me with a infectious smile as I turn the corner, already cutting up vegetables. 

“The hell have you been?” Richie comes in behind me with two cups of coffee and a bag in hand. “Got you your usual with a glazed donut.”

“Thank’s Richie.” I take the coffee, chugging the burning hot liquid like it isn’t nearly scalding my throat. “I was in the bathroom, had a small bout of nausea.”

“Uh oh! Hopefully not a baby on board the Sydney train.” My stomach lurches at the thought of carrying that man’s child, stuck with him forever in a cycle of abuse as our child watches on.  

“Shut up, Richie!” Tina hits his arm, picking up that the conversation topic has made me uncomfortable. “Syd’s good on that, right?” 

“I am, honestly. Thanks again.” I turn and leave them both before anything else could be said about it. I begin the prep on the meat that was delivered, attempting to focus on cutting clean, thin strips but trying to put aside any thoughts on the past nine hours of my life is impossible. 

With every turn of my body, I feel the kick puncturing my side.

With every loud laugh, I can hear him yelling at me and me screaming.

With every chop of my knife, I can hear my footsteps on the echoing staircase. 

“Sydney?” Carmy’s standing so close to me that I can feel his breath on my face. I look around and the whole kitchen is dead silent, several pairs of perturbed eyes weighing down on me. “Sydney, give me the knife.” I look down and I have butchered the meat in front of me into the sloppy pieces, unrecognizable. I let go of the knife and he takes it as I am now fully aware of how shaky my hand is and how hard I am breathing. 

“I’m sorry,” He doesn’t say anything, just wipes my hands with a damp towel Tina provided and leads me to the office. Before he can shut the door for privacy, Richie comes in. 

“Not now, Cousin.” He tries to get him to leave but Richie refuses, closing the door behind him. 

“Cousin, there’s something going on here,” He pulls out his phone and pulls up his text messages for Carmy to see. “Sydney, why is James asking for me to put you on the phone? He’s called me like five times.”

“Oh god,” I feel like I’m choking on the words, like they are trapped in my throat behind a thick layer of mortification. My trembling hands come up to my face and that’s when I realize it’s wet with tears. “I’m sorry, Richie. This has nothing to do with you, just ignore him.”

“What the hell is going on, sweetheart?” Richie is now even more concerned, placing a hand on my side as a sign of comfort but when I flinch in pain, the air goes deathly still. Both men stare at me, looking for answers before turning to each other, faces paling in realization.

“Sydney, lift up your shirt.” Carmy says as softly as he can not to alarm me but with an underlying note of anger as he tries to keep his composure. I almost fight against it, ready to come up with whatever lie that comes to the top of my head but I know it is no use, they have me all figured out. I reluctantly gather the fabric at the hem and slowly pull the shirt up to right under my bra with my eyes closed so as to not see their reactions. 

“That motherfucker!” Richie growls between clenched teeth, kicking the nearby trash can and I can no longer contain the onslaught of tears, wailing into my hands in humiliation. Carmy pulls my shirt up again, inspecting the damage to my stomach, ribs and back before taking me into his arms and letting me cry it out into his shoulder. 

“Oh God. I’m sorry, Syd.” Is all he can say, apologizing like he did this to me. 

“I’m going to kill that motherfucker,” Richie paces back and forth as Carmy tries to sooth my sobs. “Only pussies put their hands on defenseless women but I bet money he wouldn’t do that to a man. No, but he ain’t going to find out, I’ll tell you that much because I’m going to shoot that son of a bitch right between the fucking eyes!” 

“Cousin!” Carmy warns him before turning back to me. “We need to take you to the hospital, Syd. They need to check you out, make sure nothing is broken.” 

“I don’t want to go,” I shake my head, trying to get the words out in between hiccups. “The paperwork, the insurance. My dad will know.”

“I’m sure your dad would prefer if you went, make sure you’re okay. I can call him for you.” 

“You don’t have to do that.” He takes my face in his hands delicately, wiping the newly fallen tears. 

“I’ll do it for you, Sydney. Please, can we take you to the hospital?” I can only respond with a nod. “Richie, get her things and meet me at the car. Tell everyone to pack it up for the day, we're closing. Have Nat call all reservations and get them rescheduled if we can. We’ll be out in a few minutes.” Richie doesn’t need much more convincing, leaving the room and shutting the door behind him. “Sydney, you don't have to tell me if you don’t want to but I have to ask. What happened?”

“It got so bad so fast,” I start, afraid to look him in the eye. “I got home later than I said and he was just so mad at me for coming home late for the last few weeks already. And then when I tried to explain that you gave me a ride so I didn’t have to take the train, he just became belligerent, accusing me of cheating.”

“I’m sorry,” Carmy winces, still holding my face with tenderness. “I should've kept you out so long.”

“It’s not your fault, none of this is your fault.” It’s my fault, I shouldn't have said what I said. “I talked back and he told me to stop and I just couldn’t as usual. I said something so horrible-”

“Don’t, Syd. It doesn’t matter what you said, he had no right to do this to you. He’s the one with the problem, not you. It’s not your fault, either.” He tucks one of my loose braids back behind my ear. “I felt something was wrong last night, but I stupidly ignored it. I swore I saw you with your keys last night before you got out of the car. Does he have your keys?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think he’s going to go to your house? Try to go in?” 

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I’m afraid he will try to do it when I’m alone. He knows my dads work schedule because that’s when I’m usually at his place when my dad does night shifts.”

“Okay,” He nods, face reading like he’s thinking of a million different things at once. “We will get your keys back, okay?” He takes his jacket off the back of his chair and slips it on me, careful not to force me to move too much. He hands me a few tissues so I can dry my face before taking my free hand and guiding me out of the office. Thankfully, everyone else had evacuated quickly, sparing me the walk of shame out to the parking lot where Richie is standing smoking a cigarette. “Drive.” He tosses Richie the keys and opens the backseat for me, letting me hop in first before following me. Richie flicks his smoke aggressively before hopping in and starting the engine. 

It takes over an hour before the nurse calls my name and both men respectively stay back, letting me speak with the woman in private incase there are details I don't want to share with them. I strip out of my clothes and she examines me from head to toe, asking me a ton of invasive questions that I am sure are needed to determine what the next steps are.

“The doctor will be in shortly to go through what he thinks is necessary like CT scans, x rays, things of that nature. Just hold tight.” She leaves me alone and my brain can’t help but wonder if Carmy has reached out to my dad. Whether or not he told him exactly what happened or if he is leaving it for me to break down the specifics. I’m so deep in thought that I don’t notice when the doctor enters.

“Hello, Sydney.” He speaks to get my attention. “My name is Dr. Michaels, I will be assisting you today and going over the next steps of your evaluation. Of course nobody wants to be in the hospital and of course not under these circumstances but I must ask, how are you feeling right now?”

“Mentally numb but physically in a lot of pain.”

“I figured you would. The nurse thinks you might have a fractured rib, where the majority of your pain resides in your lower left rib. We are definitely going to want to do an x-ray, just to clarify the injury. Also she mentioned that there was contact to the back of the head, said you had spells of vomiting and chronic headaches which we normally associate with concussions. I will also send you for a CT scan, of course it can’t tell if you had a concussion but it's better to be safe than sorry in case there is something else. I’m going to have the nurse come in and administer some medication for the pain and nausea. Do you have any questions for me?”

“No, thank you.” He leaves the room and I’m able to take a deep breath. I grab my phone and message Carmy, asking if he could come back and he is by side in seconds. 

“How’d it go?” He takes the seat next to me.

“They think I got a broken rib and are going to do an x-ray for that. They’re also going to do a CT scan on my head, thinking I have a concussion too.”

“Fuck,” His leg is bouncing like crazy. “He hit you in the head?”

“And he kicked me.” His eyes pinch tightly like he wants to block out that image too. 

“God, was this the first time?”

“Physically, yes.” He turns back to me confused.

“Do you mean there was more than that?”

“He would say things, just on the edge of being cruel but frank but you know I talk just ask crazy sometimes so I blew it off. I didn’t notice how bad it had gotten until he just became so jealous, jealous of my success...jealous of you, that according to him everything I did or said was either a lie or the stupidest thing he ever heard.”

“You're the furthest thing from stupid.”

“I would’ve believed that before but now…now I’m not so sure.” There was a knock on the door and the nurse came in with an IV drip. She hooks me up while running down my schedule for the next few hours before exiting and leaving us in silence. “Did you call my dad?”

“I did.”

“What did you say?”

“I told him that you were in the hospital but that it’s not life threatening and that I will give him updates. Of course, he told me that he was packing up and was on his way so there was no need for that.” 

“Did you tell him?” He shook his head. 

“No, I didn’t want to say anything without your permission.” I nod. “Do you want me to?”

“I don’t know,” I feel my chin start to wobble again, eyes breaching with tears and he takes my hand at lightning speed. “I don't know if I can say it. It’s so humiliating, that I let it get this bad. He’s going to be so disappointed in me.”

“Sydney, he’s your father,” He squeezes my hand. “The last thing he is going to do is judge you for ending up in this position because of someone else's actions. He’s going to be on your side no matter what and I bet he could care less about what happened to lead up to this, rather just know that you're safe and healthy. If you need me to be there while you tell him, I will be there but if not, I’ll be right outside, okay?” 

“Okay.” I love you is what I want to say but can’t in a moment like this, it’s not the right time. A few minutes go by in silence as he strokes my hand with his thumb but then there’s another knock on the door. 

“Hey, babygirl.” My dad walks in nearly out of breath, face painted with worry as he approaches. “Hello, Carmen.”

“Hello, sir.” Carmen greets with an extended hand before offering him his seat. “Syd, do you need me to step out?”

“Could you?” He nods, planting a chase kiss on my forehead that gives me all the strength I need to get through this. 

“I came as soon as I could, Sydney what’s going on?” Dad questions after he’s gone, surveying my face, arms and legs for injuries. “Does it have anything to do with your stomach issues? Anything with lupus?”  

“No, dad, nothing about that.” I let him have a moment to digest that before proceeding. “Things got bad last night, dad…between me and James.” His face stills just like Carmy and Richies did earlier, slowly falling into his seat as he fears what's to come out of my mouth. “He assaulted me.” 

After my x-ray proved I did indeed have a fractured rib but my CT scan came back clear, I was discharged. I was given a prescription of 800 mg of Ibuprofen, advice on icing my ribs in intervals, and strict instruction to take off work for at least a week and do low intensity work once I return as it can take up to 6 weeks to properly heal. My dad appeared to be in a daze during the remainder of my time there, brain probably clouded with conjured images of my assault just like Carmy.

Before I could leave, the police arrived and asked me if I would like to press charges and I did. I gave all the information I had on his address, how the neighbor next door heard the assault taking place and intervened, and how he had my keys. The concluded by taking pictures of my injuries for further evidence alongside my medical records. 

It takes one time. 

When I walk out of the hospital room hand and hand with my dad like I did when I was four years old visiting my mom, I am met with the image of Carmy and Richie, physically exhausted as they slouch in their respective chairs. 

“You guys didn’t have to stay the whole time.”

“It’s not problem, sweetheart.” Richie greets me first, getting up from his seat to gently hug me. “Glad you’re okay.”

“Thank’s, Richie.” Carmy does the same action before they both nod to my dad. 

“Thank you both for being her for my daughter, it means the world to me that she has men in her life like you guys.” 

“Of course, sir.” “Anything, sir.” 

“We are heading home but we’ll keep in contact.” I could sense there was an unspoken word between the three of them but I’m too tired to push for answers.

“What the fuck are we going to do, Cousin?” Richie asks me as we sit in the hospital waiting area. I’ve been staring at the white tiles since I came back from speaking with Sydney. Hearing the things that that man…no, that bitch did to her and seeing the damage that he did to her soft brown skin was enough to make a grown man want to cry. In what word would it ever be necessary to brutalize a woman like that and not just any woman, Sydney? She might be hard headed and argumentative to a certain degree, but that is what makes her a good partner and friend. She exudes passion and strength that is needed for someone in her position, dealing with someone like me. Never have I once felt threatened by it or feel the need to exert physical dominance over her. “I don’t know.”

The last five months have been the hardest five months of my life since I’ve met Sydney. When she showed up to the hangout, glowing from the inside out as she walked hand in hand with a stranger, it was like being thrown a curveball that hit me right in the face. I had no clue she was seeing someone and for some reason, even though I had no right to feel this way, it crushed me.

Things had fallen off between the two of us after Friends and Family and it was completely my fault. I had let her down so tremendously that night that I truly felt we would never recover. Earlier that day after talking under the table, I was under the impression that we had broken new ground in our relationship, making a commitment to one another that couldn’t be fulfilled if I was in a relationship. The whole time I was looking at her, wondering why I was stringing some other poor girl along when I knew where I wanted to be, right next to her. If she wanted all of me, that's what she was going to get and I knew then that things with Claire were over but I just had to get through that night. Once we could get through that night, I wanted Sydney to know that I saw her and I wanted to be there for her in any and every way, regardless of the outcome of The Bear.

As fate would have it, everything went to shit between us after I was released from my frozen prison cell: arguing, yelling, cussing, crying, you name it. When she threatened to leave me, I promised excellence to her in exchange for her presence and with that came sacrifice. I knew I could no longer be unfocused, pausing any pursuit of romantic interest with her or with anyone for that matter because it had proven to fuck up the momentum we had built over the course of working together. With that, I became a well oiled machine, pushing out plates and keeping my head down as much as possible to assure greatness just like I did in New York. I could tell she was thankful for my dedication, The Bear becoming a huge success, but I could also tell she was afraid to speak personally with me again and I didn't know how to fix it. 

I couldn’t wrap my head around how she was able to multitask having a relationship while still being fully immersed at work. I was informed later by Tina that I was just blind to it, so nose deep in my work that I didn’t hear the whispers, didn’t see how she would smile at her phone or giggle with the girls during family.

“Jeff, the girl's gotta have fun, too.” 

I couldn’t understand everyone else’s instant attraction to him, how they could just accept him without him earning his place in our family circle. Sydney deserves the best of the best and I was not convinced that he was that for her. He had the looks and the charm, that I couldn't deny but that was not going to be enough in the long haul to keep a woman like Sydney. 

Did he find Sydney’s passions endearing?

Was he championing her every move to make sure she knew how important she is?  

Does he notice her body language and ask her how she feels?

Sydney immediately picked up on my displeasure but I kept my judgments to myself, choosing not to cause another issue between us. I just had to sit and watch as they laughed, kissed and rolled their bodies together to his choice of reggaetones while I pretended like I was happy for her.

After that, I became more aware of my surroundings now that I had learned my lesson. With that came rebuilding my personal relationship Sydney, making sure I was asking her about herself and spending more quality time alone. Whenever I was around her though, it felt like we could cut the air with a knife, not sure if I was misconstruing the rekindling of our friendship with sexual tension. Anytime her body would get close to mine, I would have a visceral reaction, wanting to reach out and pull her closer but talking myself out of it every time. Anytime she would look at me with her breathtaking doe-like eyes and speak to me in a soft tone like she wanted me to kiss her, I would fight every muscle in my body to not react to it. I restrained myself, not wanting to do something stupid like admit my feelings or make her feel uncomfortable and have her running back to her boyfriend claiming I’m being inappropriate with her.

The irony. 

James and I kept our distance most of the times we were in the same room together which is what we both preferred. But the last time I saw him, the one I told Sydney about, should've been the biggest red flag of them all but I failed Sydney by not informing her sooner. Maybe the turn of events could've been different, maybe she would've confronted his jealously earlier on before he suspected her of cheating while working on menus with me that night and maybe she wouldn't be laying in a hospital bed right now. 

The night before feels like a fever dream as I roll it back like a movie in my head. I remember not being able to comprehend that she was at my door so late at night, standing there looking frazzled by still very much like Sydney. I should’ve known something was wrong when I caught her spaced out, face reflecting her inner turmoil as she thought silently to herself. Of course, I chalked it up to just the normal distress that comes with ending a relationship, not fathoming the horrors that were actually causing her so much pain. I had sat for a moment while she was in the bathroom, considering having a conversation with her to see how she got over to my place and if she was okay but after her being in there shower for over 20 minutes, my body succumbed to sleep. 

Seeing her mutilating that meat with ragged breaths and frightened eyes alarmed me and everyone else in the kitchen. I have seen her nervous and panicked many times before but I have never seen her fall into hysterics, completely out of her body as she cried in misery.

He did that to her.

“We can’t let that schmuck get away with this,” Richie grits and he’s right, I can’t deny. “He’s probably going to beg his way back in, that’s what they all do when they fuck up.”

“Sydney’s not going to let that happen,” I say but I can’t be too sure. When I handed her her phone this morning, there was a pile of notifications that I couldn’t see that I’m sure were from him and from several different numbers. Who knows what he was saying in those messages, maybe they were pleas for her to come back or maybe they were extended threats warning her if she does. “We can’t go attacking him back, Richie. We have a business to run and can’t afford the bad publicly or to go to jail over him.” I have to be the logical one because if it was up to Richie, he’d would’ve taken his gun and pursued him hours ago in a fit of rage like he wanted to. There is too much at stake, Sydney put her whole life into this restaurant and if it all goes down the drain because her business partner and co-worker end up on the channel 5 news for beating up and killing her boyfriend it would all be for nothing." I brainstorm all possible revenues we can take and then it hits me.“We need to call in a favor.”

“Cercio?” I nod and Richie sits back in his seat, thinking about it for a brief moment before nodding in agreement. “Call him.” I leave my seat, advising him to let me know if anything happens while I’m gone and head for the exit of the hospital. I pull out my pack, sliding a smoke out and finally give into my ache before calling. 

“Hello?” He answers with a chipper tone, like he’s just a friendly salesman but he’s not, far from it. 

“Hey, Uncle Jimmy. Are you busy?”

“Nope, just sitting in my office looking over some things. What can I do you for, Carmy?”

“Um…it’s a private matter.” I wonder if he can hear the distress in my voice but based off his reaction, he can.

“Private matter?” There's a pregnant pause as he reads into those words. “Okay, where are you now?”

“I’m outside the hospital, Northern Memorial.” 

“I can be there in 20.” That is all that is said before he hangs up. Uncle Jimmy pulls up to the front 15 minutes later in his Range Rover and signals for me and Richie to get in. He circles back to the parking garage, climbing all the way to the top level and parks far away from any other cars. “Can you explain to me why I had to rush over here? Who’s up there?”

“It’s Sydney.” I speak first and he adjusts in his seat so he faces me, shocked to hear her name out of all people.

“What happened?”

“Her fuckwad of a boyfriend laid into her last night,” Richie speaks second. “She’s dinged up real bad, Jim.”

“Fucking hell,” Jimmy shakes his head in disgust, taking off her glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Is she okay?”

“Yeah, they’re in the process of doing some x-rays to confirm her broken rib and they think she has a concussion.” 

“That son of a bitch,” He hits his steering wheel in frustration. There's a stretch of silence as he takes it in, putting his glasses back on before looking at both of us. “What do you need?”

“He has her keys and she’s afraid that he’s going to use it to get into her house if he hasn’t already.” 

“The keys to The Bear are also on there so that’s another problem.” Richie tacks on, making a valid point that he could retaliate and vandalize the place.

“Yeah that simply won’t do,” Uncle Jimmy quips, eyes moving quickly in between us. “I can have my friend send some guys out. One to check on her house and another to check on The Bear and then they can pay a visit to this not-so-tough individual to retrieve the keys.”

“Now Jimmy, we aren’t calling out a hit,” I reiterate, afraid of misinterpretation. “We just want the keys back and to make it clear to leave her alone. Sydney hasn’t spoken to the police yet but if she does, they will be after him soon enough and we don’t need them finding a body.”

“Fuck that guy, it’s what he deserves!” Richie scoffs. 

“No, Richie.” Jimmy’s clearly conflicted on whose side he should be on. “Look, we need the keys and the point to be made. That’s it.”

“They can get you the keys and leave it be, no problem.” Jimmy sighs. “But if he creates a hostile environment, then they will do whatever they deem is necessary to dead it. Get it?” He sticks his hand out to me for a gentleman's agreement shake.

“Understood.” I painfully swallow those words down, taking his hand. “Thank you, Uncle Jimmy.” I provide him with James’ and Sydney’s addresses while Richie provides any other necessary details that could be valuable. Uncle Jimmy let us know that he will be in touch soon as he dropped us both off at the front. We return to the waiting area and a few minutes later we see Emmanuel coming down the hall with a look of distraught. 

“Have they taken her back?” I question but all he can do is nod in response, eyes glossed over like he's trying to contain his tears. I place a supportive hand to his shoulder and he takes a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Adamu.”

“Thank you, son. If either of you have a daughter now or in the future, you’ll know how devastating it is to hear that a man purposely harmed your child. She’s still the little girl I carried in my arms home from the hospital, the same little girl I swore to my wife that I would protect with my life before she died.” He clutches a hand to his chest like wants to rip out his own heart. “I trusted that bastard with my child, I let him into my home and this is how he repays me? I’m not a violent man but I’d hurt him if I saw him right now.”

“Don’t worry, Mr. Adamu. We have someone handling that.”

“Richie.” I warm him like a mother at her wits end, seconds from popping their disobedient child in the mouth.

“What do you mean?” Emmanuel questions with a look of confusion but he is met with silence from us both. “What does he mean, Carmen?”

“Um…we have a friend who is working to get Sydney’s things, mainly her keys that she left. There’s no handling happening unless he makes it difficult.”

“Is this a friend that I know or a friend I shouldn’t know?” He catches on quickly, choosing not to say anything incriminating out loud.

“A friend we all shouldn’t know .” I respond. He nods, scrubbing at his face and straightening his jacket. “Then I don't know them. Thanks for the help, guys.”

“You're welcome. We will be right out here if you need us and I will keep you posted on her things.” He pats both of our shoulders, before turning around and heading back to her room to wait for her arrival. 

“Fucking hell, Richie.” I hit his arm. “Why did you say that?”

“The man deserves to know what is happening.” He whispers to me, accounting for us still being in public. “He’s right, Cousin, it’s different when you’re the parent. If that was Eva in there, I would want the fuckwad to get what he deserves by all means necessary. Emmanuel’s a good man, wouldn’t hurt a fly, but every man has his limits. He said he knows nothing so he knows nothing and we will keep it at that, alright?”

An hour later, a short and sweet call came in from Cercio. 

“It’s handled, no blood shed. See you tomorrow at 8.”

*bang* bang* bang*

James got up from his place on the couch where he had been stewing in the trashed apartment for the last few hours. Once Sydney left, he advised his neighbor to mind his fucking business before storming back inside and slamming the door shut. After all his and his family members calls and text went unanswered, her locations were removed and the line stopped going through, he took to throwing everything he could get his hands on around until there was nothing left. 

“Who is it?” He looks through the peephole but is met with darkness. 

“Maintenance.” He hears a man's voice but it doesn’t sound familiar. 

“I didn’t put in no request, think you got the wrong spot.” James responds through the door, ready to walk away. 

“No, we got a mandatory maintenance issue for the pipes leaking from the upstairs unit. Need to inspect for damage.” James ponders for a moment before unhooking the door and cracking it open.

“Hey man, I’m going to need some time to–” Unfortunately for him, both men strong-arm their way through the crack and burst into the apartment, taking a hold of him in the process. “Yo, what the fuck!” One of the men wraps an arm around his neck dragging him further into the apartment while the other closes and locks the door behind him. He calmly walks towards both James and the other man who has James kneeling on the floor in a headlock that he can’t get out of. “I don’t got no money man, take whatever you want but I don’t got shit!”

“Where are the keys?” The one standing asks, surveying his surroundings.

“What keys?” James asks. The man shakes his head before reaching behind him and removing the gun from his waist line and cocking it. James immediately stops fighting at the sight of it, body tensing in shock. 

“Where are the keys ?” He repeats with more emphasis.

“I-I don’t know man.” James struggles to get it out, short on air. “When I got mad, I threw them somewhere."

“Let him go and go find them,” The one standing orders and when James is released, he nearly falls on his face, gasping for air. When he looks back up, the gun is now pointed at him. 

“Please don’t shoot me,” He puts his hands up, trembling as he begs. “I’m so fucking sorry, I am.” The one looking for the keys flips everything over in the search, breaking things that had been missed in the initial trashing. “She knows I love her and that I didn’t mean it.”

“Found them,” He lifts the keys from a pile of broken glass, flowers and water near the kitchen table. He goes through the rest of the apartment bagging anything that looked vaguely like it could belong to Sydney before returning to the scene. “Let’s roll.”

“Let me leave you with a warning,” The man with the gun approaches James, closing in on his forehead with the tip. “You stop contacting her, you don’t come to her job and mention nothing of this visit to anyone . If you do that then I won't have to pay a visit to your mother Rosa, and your siblings Veda, Diana and Carlos on 1634 W. Everett Ave. Understood?”

“Understood.” James quivers as he speaks. The man lifts the gun and backs away slowly. 

“See you later, James.” The one with the keys waves and they exit the apartment, completing the job in less than five minutes.

The next morning, dad woke me with a knock on the door, letting me know that two policemen were waiting for me. When I got home last night, I was thankful to see that nothing had been touched and there was no sign of him ever being there. I had dad do a full scope of the whole place before I came in to make sure he wasn’t lurking in any dark corners. I took the longest and hottest shower to rise the hospital off of me before crawling into the comfort of my own bed. I finally worked up the nerve to look at the messages that were sent to me from James and anyone else that tried to get into contact with me over the last 24 hours. 

James: Baby I know that you are mad at me right now and you have every right to be. I’m sorry for what I did. I love you mami. please call me back

James: So you’re just going to ignore me? After everything? Syd, please

Madre Rosa: Sydney, could you give James a call, por favor? He said he’s worried about you, mija

James: I’ve been putting up with all your shit for months and as soon as I make one mistake, that's it? That’s bullshit and you know it Syd

Veda: Yo what’s going on with you and James?

Veda: He’s sorry 

James: Fuck you bitch! You got what you fuckin deserved

“Morning, Miss. Adamu.” The female cop reaches out a hand to me and I take it. “I know it’s quite early, we apologize for disturbing your sleep.”

“No it’s okay,” I tighten the robe around my body as I lean into my dads side for reassurance. “You’re here for a reason.”

“Of course,” The male cop speaks this time. “We just wanted to inform you that Mr. Vazquez was detained this morning and was booked in.”

“Thank god,” My dad puts a supportive arm around my shoulder. 

“He is being charged with domestic battery, which is a Class A misdemeanor.” 

“What does that mean?” I ask.

“It means he could face potential jail time or probation and a fine up to $2500. Of course, he will have to wait until Monday to see the judge and if so he could possibly post bail if he can afford it. There will be a 72 hour no-contact order put into place but you are free to submit a restraining order as well for further safety precaution.”

“Okay.” I nod, considering that option.

“Any questions for us?” The female cop asks and I remember what I really want to know.

“Did you find my keys?”

“Unfortunately we did not see any keys that fit the description that you gave us.” 

“That’s okay, babygirl.” My dad chimes in before I can. “We are going to get the locks changed anyway, we’ll get you a new set. Anything else, officers?” 

“Nothing else from us but we will be in contact with you," The male cop says. "You have our card and please contact us if the defendant violates the no contact order. I would also refrain from speaking to anyone in relation to him as well, don’t want them to be a tunnel of contact for him that way either.”

“Noted. Thank you, officers.” When the door closes behind them, dad pulls me into a hug that I needed.

“I’m so proud of you.” Later on that night, after sleeping most of the day away and barely consuming any food that was presented to me earlier, there is another knock at my bedroom door. 

“Sydney, Carmy’s here to see you.” Dad steps aside and Carmy enters my bedroom with a kind smile and two bags in hand. My dad leaves us be, keeping a crack in the door potentially out of fear of leaving me alone with another man but this just isn't any man, this is Carmy. 

“Hey.” He greets me, putting the bags down on my vanity and taking a seat at it. “I thought I’d stop by, brought you some food you might like.”

“Thank you,” I sit up, folding my knees until they are pressed to my chest, careful not to agitate my ribs. “How did service go?”

“It was a little hectic," He admits. "Had to get into a groove with Richie leading the expo but we got it down. We were able to reschedule most of the peoples reservations from yesterday and offered some refunds to others but we will be fine.”

“Good, how’s everyone?” I doubt they are oblivious to what happened, the story probably circulating in a separate chat. 

“They’re good…they wish you well.” He responds but clarifies like he can tell what I was thinking. “Me nor Richie spoke on what happened to the staff, I promise you.”

“Thanks.”

“I also have something for you,” He reaches into his pocket and retrieves my keys. “I also have some of your other things as well. Clothes, scarves, and some products in the other bag.”

“How did you get them? What did you do, Carmy?” He takes my hand and places the keys in my palm, closing his other hand on top of it.

“Don’t worry about that, Syd. Just know that I got them and you don’t have to worry about them anymore.”

“God Carmy, I don’t want you to get caught up in this, too. It’s dangerous.” 

“Sydney,” He shushes me with delicate fingers over my lips. “Like I’ve said before, I’d do anything for you. Anything.”

“Anything?”

“Anything.” The blue of his eyes stare into mine with such intensity I lose all sense.

“Spend the night.” It comes out before I can even think about it but I don’t regret it. 

“Yeah?” I nod in return, scooting over so that he can slide in. I signal for him to close the door, sending a message to my dad that I’m fine. He removes his jacket, stripping his shirt off to reveal a white tank and takes his shoes off before sliding in next to me. He grabs the food that is surprisingly still hot and opens it up, passing me the fork that was in the bag. We shared the meal together in comfortable silence until the bowl was nearly licked clean.

“Thanks again for everything,” I bravely ran my fingers through his curls for the first time and he let me without hesitation. I the trail my fingers down the slop of his nose, along the edge of his jaw before landing it right over his heart where he places his on top and threads our fingers together. “You really came through and saved me yesterday.”

“No Syd,” He shook his head, refusing to take the credit. “You broke free from him, you ran to safety, you chose to go to the hospital and you chose to press charges. That was all you. You saved yourself. You're the strongest, bravest woman I know. I love that about you.” My lips are on his and off him in less than a second, catching us both by surprise.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn't have done that-” He cuts me off by placing his lips on mine again, letting us both savor it for what it was.

Real love.