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Carol was not expecting a knock at her door.
It was late. Far later then anyone could be calling if they had any sense. And anyone with even less sense then that would know not to answer their door so late. Yet… Carol went to answer it anyways. She peered through her peephole to see brown hair. Carol’s heart leapt to her throat at the sight. No… it couldn’t be…
Carol opened the door to find Therese on the other side. She was still wearing the same clothes she met Carol in earlier, though she looked far less put together. Her hair was a bit more frizzy, and her eyes looked wild. It was nothing like the calm, cold Therese that Carol had met at the Ritz.
“Therese?” Carol asked, frowning in confusion. “What are-”
“What did you mean, when you said you loved me?”
Carol blinked in surprise. She opened the door wider so Therese could come inside. She was proud of her apartment. Perhaps it wasn’t as grand as her home with Harge, but it was cozy and warm. Full of second-hand furniture she had found for a fantastic price. She couldn’t help but wonder if Therese could tell Carol had decorated with her in the back of her mind. If she knew the couch was the same color as their bedspread in waterloo, the wooden coffee table the same shade as Therese’s hair. If she somehow just knew by glancing around that Carol had picture frames stored in her closet in the hopes she could convince Therese to put some photos on the wall.
But Therese didn’t look around the apartment, her eyes trained on Carol.
“I feel like I was quite clear Darling,” Carol said as they stood in the entrance hall of Carol’s apartment. "You have my heart," Carol wanted to scream. "You've had it since you smiled at me across that department store counter and your eyes shined as you explained those silly trains. I've been lost to anybody else since the day you saw me. You have somehow claimed me body and soul in a way no one else ever has or ever will." But Carol didn't say that. Instead saying a very simple (and what felt like a very inadequate) "I care deeply for you and I would like you to move in with me."
“No, no ,” Therese said, holding up a finger. And there it was, the anger Carol had expected awaited her at the Ritz. “You don’t get to- I can’t believe you! Not a word. Not a single word, for months . And then you just, just, show up and ask me to move in with you? Do you know how absolutely ridiculous that is?”
“No more ridiculous then asking you to drop everything and drive with me out west,” Carol said, moving into her living room so she could grab a cigarette. Therese trailed after her, her anger still evident.
“And then we were sitting there, and you said you loved me and then you left again ,” Therese said, and Carol would do anything to take away the utter despair in Therese’s eyes. “Why do you always leave?”
“That’s not fair,” Carol immediately said, on the defensive as always.
“Isn’t it?” Therese asked.
There was a moment of silence as Carol lit her cigarette. God, didn’t Therese understand the utter agony her soul had been through since they were apart? Or maybe she did and that’s why she was so upset. Her soul had also been in agony being apart from Carol’s and that agony was being translated into anger.
Still… Carol felt she had made her thoughts quite clear.
She puffed on her cigarette, breathing out the smoke as she eyed Therese.
“I will not beg you to love me.”
“Why not?”
Carol glanced up, surprised by that question, but one look at Therese’s face told Carol she was serious. “Well,” Carol took another puff. “You said no. As you said, I showed up out of nowhere. Who am I to try and convince you to change your mind?”
“Someone who loves me,” Therese said, her eyes flashing as she motioned with her hand. “Someone who can’t live without me.”
“Well…that’s true, I can’t live without you,” Carol admitted, her voice soft as she leaned against the wall of her apartment. “I’ve tried Therese. But I can’t keep going against my grain. This is who I am. I love you, but if you don’t love me anymore I can’t make you,” Carol took another puff of her cigarette as she met Therese’s eyes.
“How could you say that?” Therese asked, her voice breaking as she looked at Carol in betrayal.
“Say what?” Carol asked.
“Say I don’t love you anymore,” Therese said, her eyes glistening.
“Well, do you?” Carol asked, trying to ignore the way her hand holding her cigarette shook.
“Oh Carol,” Therese said, her voice softening. “I never stopped.”
Carol’s heart soared at that. “Therese-”
“And I never would have blamed you, not for one second,” Therese said, tears now leaking out of her eyes now. Her voice was shaking as she spoke. “If you had just told me . You don’t treat the people you love like you did.”
“I know,” Carol said, her own voice breaking. She snuffed out her cigarette. “God, I-I know Therese and I can never make it up to you, I know that. But please… stay .”
“If you leave me again, you’ll break me, you know that, don’t you?” Therese asked, her brown eyes not wavering from Carol’s as she stared the older woman down. “You’re asking me to stay, but how can I trust you’ll do the same?”
How could she?
If Carol was in her shoes, Carol wouldn’t trust herself either.
“You just have to,” Carol said, feeling a bit helpless. “If you want this to work. You have to believe I love you.”
“I do.”
“Then stay,” Carol said taking a step forward. “Stay with me Therese.”
Therese studied her for a moment before whispering. “Alright.”
“Alright?” Carol asked, hardly believing her ear as she stepped forward towards Therese.
Therese glanced up at her. “You’ve ruined me Carol Arid, I hope you know that.”
“That may be true,” Carol couldn’t help but smile at Therese. “All I know is I’m desperately in love with you Therese Belivet and I’m never letting you go again.”
And then Therese did exactly what Carol had missed doing since she had left the other woman in waterloo.
She pulled Carol into a searing kiss.