Archive of Our Own

To most, it was a glance that could be easily overlooked.

Something that could be chalked up to observing your surroundings, to merely taking in the scene, even if the scene involved you. For the most part, a mere glance was about as absolute as an equivalent as being bumped into on the street. Just a plain, unceremonious incident that got lost in the millions upon millions of incidents that happened within the exact same second.

In Kim Dahyun’s life, however, the eyes set on you meant there may be more for you than what you expect. Eyes were more than just windows to the soul; they were so much more. They were opportunity, curiosity, observation, denial, and acceptance all in the same breath, all before a singular blink of an eye.

Literature 4342 was just supposed to be just that. A fleeting moment within multiple fleeting moments of everyone else’s lives happening at the exact same time. It was supposed to be a mere elective, something about making Dahyun apply herself just a bit more blah, blah, blah-

Her academic advisor’s advice had gone through both ears and out into the world before Dahyun could really process it. All she had really known was that it was a special topics class, and from the bolded letters of the syllabus, its specific name was just that: LIT-4342 LGBT IN LITERARY CANON.

Well, that was one good thing at least.

It wasn’t that Dahyun wasn’t not interested, truly, a class focusing on depictions and understandings of implicated canonical romantic/sexual same-sex characters throughout history was more interesting than she cared to admit. But truth be told, her heart wasn’t going to be in it. No, because literature was barely as much as a minor as it was a mere slight curiosity that her advisor grabbed into a chokehold and was practically shoving it down her throat.

She could have only hoped to be able to breeze through the class with little to no trouble, because of course, her main concern was going to be her focus, her passion, her major. This was just supposed to be just that, a fleeting moment within a fleeting moment within the hunk of rock that eight billion plus people existed and had their own experiences within fleeting moments.

But for Dahyun, those fleeting moments felt like a lifetime. Because in those moments of glances, she felt like the center of the universe, she felt untouchable, immeasurably greater than whatever else she was worth in this wasteful, otherwise pointless existence.

It all started with her.

No one tells you when it happens, you just know. That everything seems to align so perfectly you can’t help but wonder if it perhaps was fate. It was fate Dahyun chose to sit in the second seat of a table that held three, along the right wall of her classroom. An empty seat on either side of her, because she always knew no one would sit by her.

True to her word, the class slowly filed in, taking their seats elsewhere, never sparing a glance. Not even a glance…not even a fleeting moment in which she perhaps momentarily existed in someone’s life, that made it feel like she mattered, just for that brief alignment.

Class began.

Then she walked in.

She, with long, gorgeous silver hair, set in waves on either side of her shoulders. That bounced, nearly cascaded down, complimenting paled skin. Her eyes roaming the class, but never glancing; stark, light brown eyes, wearing sharp eyeliner and dark makeup, with rosy, peachy lips. Her eyes lines with age, strong cheekbones with a hint of gauntness to her appearance.

She wore gray slacks, just barely scraping the floor as her black heels clinked against the linoleum flooring. If Dahyun really focused in, she could see the gentle pedicure, a fresh set of white nail polish, lining her toes. Matching true to her slacks, a gray blazer, one button set in place, a white button up hidden beneath the material. A pair of glasses rested against her nose, round almost perfectly circular frames with silver lining, all things winter and the iciness that came along with it.

Dahyun felt the shiver up her spine, as if an endless winter had waltzed into the classroom, the entirety of the warm yellow lights feeling as if they became pure white, focusing in on the reflection of the woman’s skin. Her eyes followed, each step the woman took, to the front of the classroom, setting her satchel down on the raised desk. Dahyun watched, eyes never leaving, too busy letting them dance down glaciers and peachy lips.

The class remained silent, not a single fidget from the small group, as the woman began to type onto the computer, turning on the system. In this entirety of her time, not once had her eyes even so as much as flickered to her cohort, who awaited a command, a single command, or perhaps even just a sound. Instead, they basked in the silence, the clatter of the keyboard filling in the empty space.

Dahyun watched, simply. Admiring the beauty before her, a feeling of uneasiness crawling up her stomach, clawing at her throat.

“Okay,” The woman finally spoke, her voice angelic and gently, lulling Dahyun deeper into the pit she found herself falling into, eyes still glued to the computer, “Hello.”

A murmur of greetings followed.

“Apologizes for being late,” The woman brought her glasses up, resting them atop her head as she sighed, lines of slight age lining her perfect features, “I’m still getting used to this university.”

A student raised their hand, one she took notice of; eyes finally landing on the lone student, a wave of envy pulsating through Dahyun’s mind. With a quick motion of her hand, the woman gave the student permission to speak.

“Are you new?”

“I am,” The woman nodded, “I’m coming in from finishing my post-doc. This is my first semester teaching in South Korea, please be patient with me.”

What was her name?

“My name,” The professor glanced around the room, but not once turning to watch Dahyun, something that made Dahyun squirm just a little in her seat.

“My name is Myoui Mina. Of course, refer to me as Professor Myoui. I am from Japan. I’ll be guiding you through the course content for the semester, this an especially passionate point in my research, so bear with me.”

Mina.

Dahyun whispered the name along the lines of her lips, feeling the way they pressed together, how smoothly the name flew out, even without a sound. Mina. Myoui Mina. The rest of the professor’s words faded out, Dahyun could only focus on her dark tinted lips and her beautiful, sparkling eyes.

Mina.

“-And with that, do I have any other questions to answer?”

Then it happened. Her eyes, mounds of honey and a twinge of sadness circling the outer parts of her irises, which had begun its course of glancing over to each individual student, as if taking them in fully since arriving at the room. Taking just a mere second to perhaps just get the gist of who each one was, the color of their hair and the expression plastered onto their faces. Like time had slowed down, Dahyun could only quell the shiver running up her spine when they glanced over to her, finally, for the very first time since realizing this woman existed (which, was only just mere minutes ago. But it already felt like a lifetime).

Mina gazed down to Dahyun, Dahyun could feel the way her eyes seemed to break down every piece of her body and maybe even deeper, somewhere buried within the depths of her soul. As if peeling every layer of Kim Dahyun there was to know, some parts she may have not even known herself. From the top of her hair, down the slope of her nose, over her body (Dahyun shivered), to the ends of her sneakers.

“No questions?” Professor Myoui repeated, but rather than looking to the rest of the room, she remained watching Dahyun, a small smile playing on her lips. Dahyun squirmed, internally, feeling so very small beneath her eyes. Instead of forming a coherent answer, Dahyun could only shake her head.

“Very well,” Professor Myoui bowed her head in the slightest, finally looking away from the lonely spot Dahyun sat between. Reality came crashing hard, when Mina strolled off, to the other side of the room, leaving Dahyun abandoned on an island she really had no idea how she ended up on. The breath Dahyun didn’t realize she had been holding was released, her tense body finally relaxing.

The class lulled on.

Dahyun had never felt lonelier, or as freezing as she felt as she did. All she could focus on was the warmth of honey-colored eyes, aching for them to take her all in once again.

It didn’t happen for the rest of the class.

*********

It was extremely justified, Dahyun kept repeating to herself, making her way up the steps of the faculty center, quadruple checking that she was going the right way. The halls were dimly lit, a few unfamiliar professors squeezing by the otherwise cramped hallways, momentarily making Dahyun feel as if she had entered a completely different dimension, somewhere not familiar with the university she swore she attended.

But it was justified, it was literally a part of a professor’s schedule, to have office hours. Which, according to Professor Myoui’s syllabus, were occurring right now, as Dahyun turned the corner.

The door slightly ajar, just enough that Dahyun could see the silhouette of a familiar face, from the brief observation, she was wholly focused on whatever was going on her screen, painting her expression in a cool blue tone.

Without much thought other than the desperation to feel warmth back on her once again, Dahyun knocked, pushing the door more with each tap.

“Professor Myoui?” She mumbled, craning her neck to peek in just a little bit more.

“Come in,” Her face was borderline flat, from the crack of the door Dahyun wavered, seeing as her eyes had yet to leave the screen.

But she obeyed, something in the pit of her stomach making her feel like putty when the professor said such simple orders. She took in the setting. White painted walls, like the rest of this cursed university, a soft warmth of light emitting from the lamp in the corner of the crowded room. A bookshelf stacked to the brim with books of all kinds, from paperback to spiral notebooks, to hard covers, and even just clear binders with papers stuffed between. Not a single one untouched, either with dog-eared pages, or various colors of bookmarks, or the increasingly weakening spines of paperbacks. As if each one was caressed and used to its full extent, each one given full attention when it mattered most.

Her desk was still new, no cracks in the polish, her name engraved in gold, Professor Myoui Mina. Few papers were left about, scattering her desk, highlighters and pens and messy scribbles in notebooks.

Dahyun drew a breath, taking Mina all in all over again. Her silver hair, this time clipped up, strands falling down the sides of her face, her honey eyes wholly focused on the screen, glowing the dim blue light with slightly scrunched eyebrows. Mina looked comfortable, wearing a baggy brown turtleneck sweater. Dahyun shifted, when the realization sunk in that the professor had yet to actually look up her.

“What can I do for you?” Mina mumbled out, still typing and paying no mind to Dahyun. A piece of her was irked, wondering if Mina had even really processed who walked in, or if Dahyun was bunched with the rest of her classmates, as a student. One of a bunch, just another cog in a metaphorical machine. Did she even know Dahyun’s name? Her major? Any information about her other than just that she was a student?

“Its just…,” Dahyun trailed off, suddenly feeling self-conscious at being overlooked, “I’m not an literature major-,”

That caught the professor’s attention, who raised one eyebrow, curiously listening in while maintaining her eyes to the screen.

“I’ve never read a play with old English,” Dahyun felt herself burn in embarrassment, feeling the stapled stacks of paper crumple beneath her fingers, “Can you…can you help me?”

Virtual radio silence, Dahyun momentarily questioned if she had even actually spoke or if she had imagined the whole situation out of desperation and nerves. But no, the better half of her (the logical) eased her worries, she spoke, even if it felt like she hadn’t moved her mouth at all. In the time she waited, she took another glance to Mina. Professor Myoui. However, she was to be perceived in Dahyun’s mind.

She had tired eyes, which glowed a warm honey, but beneath she carried heavy bags, which illuminated purple in the dim room. Had she always looked so exhausted? It was barely the start of the semester.

Without another word, Dahyun flinched when the sound of rummaging suddenly existed, echoing through the silence. She watched in confusion as Mina unzipped various pockets of her purse, opening and rummaging through the pockets in a quiet trance. Then it happened again.

“You can sit,” Mina suddenly invited, flickering her eyes to look up, finally, finally locking eyes with Dahyun once again. Time froze, the same repeats of the first, wherein it felt like all of reality was moving through honey, thick and arduously slow. Where Dahyun watched Mina raise her hand, motioning for her to take a seat. The way she licked her lips slightly, a bit chapped but glistening with a fresh coat of gloss she must’ve put on before Dahyun came in. the way the strands of her hair bounced, the strain of her neck that peaked through her sweater.

Dahyun burned.

“Of course,” She complied a little too quickly, like damn putty, feeling like the only real thing that existed in the world when Mina gave her a small kind smile, tight lipped and maybe just a hint of awkwardness. Dahyun sat, the leather just a bit cold, but she felt way too warm than she should, the iciness relieving some sensation from her back.

“Sorry,” Mina suddenly clapped her hands lightly together, intertwining them as her full attention turned to Dahyun, who could only shuffle the anxiousness out of her feet, “I’m still learning everyone…who are you again?”

It made sense. It had to have made sense, Dahyun’s logic ruled, because there was more than just Dahyun who existed within the four walls of the classroom Myoui Mina spoke in on Tuesdays and Thursdays for an hour and fifteen minutes each. She had two other classes, and this was a senior level elective. Mina was a whole person, with her own life, her own choices, her own mind. And memorizing names shouldn’t really have been at the forefront of her mind.

But it still irked Dahyun, in some weird way. All her professors never really remembered her name, it was sort of a social norm. But Mina’s eyes, awaiting an answer, made her feel a certain way. Her heart pumped, her skin burned but the chair was way too cold for her liking, and she couldn’t help but shiver beneath it.

Mina was breathtaking, even in wonder, and Dahyun couldn’t remember if she ever really breathed around her.

“…Dahyun,” Dahyun finally spoke, “In your LG-,”

“Kim Dahyun,” Mina suddenly confirmed, a proud look in her expression, “You’re in my Tuesday-Thursday block. Yes. I remember you. You’re very…-,”

“Quiet?” Dahyun filled in the blanks, feeling scrutinized yet wholly too vulnerable under Mina’s gaze, “I’ve been told I tend to blend into the background.”

Mina seemed thoughtful, even from this brief interaction, her eyes seemed to twinkle with a specific curiosity, as she stared up to the ceiling, seemingly lost in thought, “I wouldn’t say that. There’s nothing wrong with a silent disposition. Many consider that observant-,” Dahyun briefly wished Mina was telling this to her while looking at her, letting her bask in the attention given to her and her only.

“But you don’t disappear. If anything, you’re quite peculiar,” Mina gave another small smile, Dahyun felt her mouth run dry as Mina slid her glasses on her face, “Such as this. I would have never guessed you were having trouble with the reading.”

“May I?”

Dahyun reached over, handing the papers to her professor. In the moment, their hands brushed, Dahyun nearly jerking out of her seat, feeling soft, nearly silky skin touch her dry own. She held her breath, burning form the inside out as Mina gave a light smile, making no move to pull away at the contact. So subtle, but definitely enough to be noticed.

“You’re quite warm,” Mina commented, finally, almost painfully slowly dragging the papers out of Dahyun’s hands. Dahyun prayed her ears weren’t noticeably pink through the locks of her hair.

“I’ve been told I run warm,” Dahyun somehow managed out, “I-uh…I highlighted the parts I don’t understand. You know…to make it easier for you.”

“How considerate,” Mina drawled, teetering between kindness and neutrality, her entire demeanor changing as she began to look over the pages of the play.

Dahyun never did well in silence.

“So…Japan?”

Mina perked. “Yes,” She replied, flipping the play to the next page, still seemingly caught up in the words of an abandoned play from the midcentury, Dahyun began to grow weary, wishing the professor still had her eyes to her.

“Was it…nice?”

“It was…home,” Mina sighed, “But, like everything in life, nothing is permanent.”

Dahyun observed. Pale skin, a thin but straight stature, drowning in the material of the wool turtleneck, had she always looked this thin? More than that, Dahyun couldn’t tear her eyes away from the shimmering gold ring, a simple wedding band. It looked like it was still new, just maybe reaching a year of its life.

“You’re married?”

There was a bit of mirth in Mina’s tone, “You seem surprised. Am I not a catch?”

Dahyun felt the redness crawling up her neck.

“I-I well, of course you’re a catch! I-I just meant like-,”

“Kidding Miss Kim.”

“Okay,” She exhaled, “Okay right. Joking. I just meant…you seem quite young for a professor’s age.”

“Oh, I love you already,” Mina suddenly chuckled, placing the packet down to her desk, getting lost with the rest of her scribbles scratch paper. Dahyun couldn’t quite pin the drop in her stomach, but seeing Mina giggle, her smile widening just a bit more, gave her the sensation of floating to the clouds, “But no. I’m not old enough to say much, but my college years are well behind me.”

“How old are you?”

Mina gave a small smile, “35. And you are?”

“A-Ahead of my program,” Dahyun sputtered, at the realization that an actual, full-fledged adult was allowing Dahyun to be in her presence. A woman, with a husband, and a whole life behind her eyes, wisdom and knowledge Dahyun would never comprehend.

Mina only giggled, so sweetly, so quietly, Dahyun could have mistaken her for maybe a graduate student, looking so spritely even if 35 wasn’t even anything old all things considered.

“I am aware a bit of the students here are in advanced tracks,” Mina agreed, “Though, that doesn’t answer my question quite now, does it?”

It rang with a hint of teasing, but the depth in her tone made Dahyun’s stomach grow warm, Mina’s eyes still locking right into her own, and suddenly Dahyun maybe wished she wasn’t looking right at her. Even if it made her feel like the only important thing left in this world.

“I just turned 21,” Dahyun mumbled, forcing herself to break eye contact to stare down at her worn out sneakers, her feet slightly turned in, touching each other as all that filled the room was the flipping of page after page of nuance and jargon Dahyun did not know. Perhaps there was a lot she did not know.

“Quite young,” Mina finally mumbled, voice completely neutral, as she picked up one of the many pens on her desk, giving it a little twirl between her white nails, “I hardly remember the things I did when I was your age.”

“Well,” Dahyun mused, looking around at how safe and loved every single book on the shelf looked, “Maybe…at 21…you were sitting in a professor’s office.”

“Is that so?” Mina questioned, raising a brow to stare up to Dahyun curiously, awaiting the next words ready to leave Dahyun’s lips. Dahyun nodded slowly, the images of a slightly younger Mina, maybe with not as much exhaustion around her eyes, the skin on her fingers a bit brighter, the cut of her cheekbones just a little less intimidating.

“Maybe, you were speaking with your professor,” Dahyun professed, “About an assignment you did not understand.”

“I’m not sure I ever really struggled with it,” Mina made it a point to set her pen down, resting her chin in the palm of her hand as she rested against it. “Literature is my major after all…,”

“Well…maybe you were speaking about joining the Honor’s Society,” Dahyun suggested, “Because you understood it so well.” Mina’s eyes twinkled, staring right at Dahyun with an absorbed fondness that felt as if it had cultivated over the span of a lifetime. So many more questions buzzed at the tip of her tongue, craving to seek an answer, to be satisfied and satiated.

“Perhaps I did,” Mina mused, the pen twirling so expertly across her fingers, Dahyun’s eyes danced along, “What are you doing then, Dahyun?”

“Huh?”

“At 21,” Mina’s voice lowered, her pen set down once again, expectantly awaiting her response, “At 21, what are you doing? That you’ll maybe remember better than I will when I was your age?” She leaned in slightly, Dahyun couldn’t help the automatic response of staring down to her lips, glossy as she licked her lips absentmindedly.

It felt surreal. The dim lights and the beautiful woman sitting just one wooden desk away from Dahyun.

“I-,” Dahyun tried to formulate the thousands of words she knew in this language, only to dead end at every single one of them. Was this an effect? Being around such an aura? Much stronger, sensible, and experienced than she could ever be, till she reached the same age?

Mina waited, patiently.

“I’m sitting in an office,” Dahyun swallowed the thickness of nerves, “Of a professor I barely know…but…but it’s okay.”

Her eyebrow raised the slightest in curiosity.

“How so?”

“Because I feel like I may remember this for much longer than you’d intend for me too.”

Something flashed in Mina’s eyes. A spark, maybe a twinkle, that darkened her honey eyes, making them colder, but more observant, eyes never leaving Dahyun.

“How come?” Mina questioned, her voice continuously balancing through curiosity and neutrality, as if keeping herself at bay from fully diving into it.

“Well,” Dahyun shrugged, ignoring the increase of her heart and the way her palms grew clammy as she gripped her backpack, “I’m quite peculiar, aren’t I? You would have never guessed how much this conversation means to me.”

She was fully aware of the pink tint of her cheeks, Dahyun wondered if it looked orange in the lights. She was aware of her shaking hands and knotted stomach. Mina Myoui was a force not to be reckoned with, somehow, in some way. Dahyun would just need to wait until it made sense as to why.

Mina made no response, merely soaking up all of Dahyun’s nerves, perhaps even unphased by it all. It was a surprising daft of bravery, on Dahyun’s part. It wouldn’t surprise her if the professor had constant professions or suitors, but it irked her all the same to be grouped with a bunch of strangers, of those who did not succeed.

“You’re quite brave Miss Kim,” Mina commented with a flat-affect, fixing up the pages she had skimmed through, “I can’t quite say I was as brazen as you were at 21-,”

“Now, brazen is a little much, don’t you think?”

“Then what would you use Miss Kim? If not bold?”

“…Honest.”

Dahyun did not tear her eyes away this time around, basking in what it felt like to be the center of the universe. She swears even in the dim lighting, she could see the ghost of a smile forming over her professor’s lips.

Very few words were exchanged after, a simple thank you when Dahyun was handed back her papers, and polite farewells, the door shut behind Dahyun, as she stared at the papers.

In black ink, freshly scribbled notes, with reference to Dahyun’s highlighted commentary. Notations and context for specific words and actions. How did she even find the time to do all of that? Dahyun could not wrap her mind upon it. But well, Mina seemed fast with her fingers (the thought crossed Dahyun’s mind, making her bit the inside of her cheek and mentally slap herself), and quite fluent in words that Dahyun had never heard before.

But none of that was too strange, Dahyun assumed. Because a beautiful woman would be talented and skilled, creating an even larger gap of struggle. A pedestal Mina was quickly being put on that was going to be endlessly impossible to reach, but Dahyun still longed to know exactly how it would feel to finally reach the destination, after an arduous journey.

Dahyun strolled, slowing to a relaxed pace as she admired Mina’s handwriting. Scribbled and connected, but tangible and readable. As if her brain just moved slightly too fast for her own good, years of education leaving her just more accelerated than the rest.

Dahyun had reached the last page, checking and noting every correction Mina had managed before stopping, right in front of the gazebo, where a few students sat alongside the benches as the sun set. Laughing and discussing upcoming projects and opportunities, but Dahyun completely tuned them out, fading off into the background at a particularly peculiar scribble at the bottom of the right-hand corner of the final page.

‘Text me if you have any more questions: XXX-XXX-XXXX -Professor Myoui.’

Dahyun wasn’t grouped with a set of strangers who all had the same destination in mind. She couldn’t have been, because she swears none of them had made it even the slightest bit as far as she had. She was better than them, she was going to make it farther than anyone had seen. There was no reasoning, other than Kim Dahyun was just different, peculiar even, compared to the rest.

She could not stop thinking of honey-colored eyes. And the smile crawling over her face was not going to slow down, either.

*********

“Professor?”

It was dark. The light was dim, and the music boomed in the background. Posters hung up all over the walls, worn out and tearing slightly from wear and tear. But the bar was quaint, sectioned off in the corner of the downtown area that not too many people frequented. Especially considering the majority population in that bar was leather jacket wearing motorcyclists and punks of sorts. But Dahyun had found herself a quiet home here, comfortably listening to the weekly live stages and enjoying peace to herself without the stress of clubs and heavy party scenes.

What she wasn’t expecting to see, was a particular professor, seated along the bar, wearing a tight brown leather maxi skirt and a tight low-cut off-white sweater, a string of pearls wrapped around her neck. From her spot, Dahyun felt her head tilt, taking in her figure. She was small, that much Dahyun had known, but now she looked thin, everything cinching her waist and Dahyun could make out every angle and curve of her collarbones and chest as she breathed quietly.

Mina perked slightly, or perhaps jumped was the proper word, flinching the slightest at her title before she looked around, tracking where the voice had echoed from. Thanking her lucky star for the two cups of cocktail-swirled liquid courage, Dahyun closed the distance, sliding right into the seat next to her.

Mina blinked, her posture straightening as an air of professionality seemed to overtake her otherwise silent demeanor.

“Hey,” Dahyun couldn’t help but grin, “Didn’t pin you as a bar goer type.”

“Dahyun,” Mina gave a curt nod, finger tracing over the rim of her half-drunk glass of something tanned and iced, “Good evening.”

Maybe Dahyun would have kept the flow going, maybe she cracked a joke or two. All other words were lost when she studied Mina’s face, in the dim crappy bar lights, her brown eyeliner a bit smudged at the edges, losing their shape. Her eyes red rimmed and a bit puffy, a sad glint to her angelic honey-eyes.

“Did something happen?” Dahyun couldn’t help but ask, leaning forward so as to not yell over the music, “You look upset.”

Mina did not look up at her, keeping her eyes glued to her finger, which continued tracing over her glass edge.

“You know,” She finally spoke, “Its highly inappropriate to be snooping into your professor’s business.”

Dahyun raised a brow, the liquid courage definitely making her feel braver.

“I don’t see us in school,” She contemplated, “I’m more looking at a pretty lady in a bar who looked like she could’ve used some company.”

The look of seriousness Mina maintained nearly crumpled immediately, the small breathy chuckle escaping her lips as she closed her eyes for a second. Dahyun beamed, feeling the flutter through her stomach and arms. Mina looked especially pretty that way, letting herself laugh, even the slightest.

“You’re breaking a lot of rules here Miss Kim.”

“And you reacting ‘ha-ha,’ to the meme I sent you wasn’t?”

Silence.

“Well…I guess you got me there.”

Dahyun beamed.

“So…what’s wrong…Professor?”

Mina sighed, tilting her head up as she stared at the molding ceiling above, Dahyun’s eyes remained glued to the details of her neck, every muscle activated and tensing.

“Its…nothing,” Mina finally admitted, turning to look at Dahyun, her expression exhausted, “It’s really nothing.”

Dahyun frowned. “It doesn’t seem like nothing; I don’t think nothing smudges make-up.”

The neutral expression Mina carried remained, but Dahyun saw the cracks. The twitch of the corner of her lips, the slow blink, ensuring no new tears fell down her cheeks.

“Just an argument,” Mina finally caved in, as she began to twist her wedding band, the familiarity reminding Dahyun this must have been a habit years in the making. Husband.

“Argument?” Dahyun frowned, “What argument brings someone to tears?”

“You know, I say he works too much, he insists he’s not ignoring me. I say something, he says another, till screaming starts.”

Dahyun’s stomach twisted.

“I don’t think arguments should end in screaming or tears.”

Mina chuckled dryly, “You’ll understand when you’re older, I think.”

The silence hung heavily between them, a piece of Dahyun beginning to fear diving into the unknown, despite having dipped her toes. But the swarm of alcohol and sugar in her system was certainly playing a role in her increasingly stupid decisions, Dahyun supposed this was the best option, because the thought of leaving her professor alone in a state like this felt wholly wrong.

“What are you drinking?” Dahyun instead questioned, curiously eyeing her cup once again, the tension releasing when the subject changed, “It looks like iced tea.”

“I don’t think iced teas typically have orange peels in them,” Mina’s face softened, “Would you like to try some?”

Dahyun contemplated. But Mina was already lifting the glass from the counter, the condensation dripping from the cup, droplets of cool water hitting Dahyun’s jean-clad thighs, but she could not find it in herself to say anything. No, she was too focused on Mina’s expression, as she held the straw in place between her pointer and middle fingers, just brushing against Dahyun’s lips.

“Am I going to regret this?” Dahyun blurted out, ignoring the heat rising to her cheeks.

Mina seemed thoughtful, taking Dahyun question in stride and bringing her free hand to bring a finger to her lips. She hummed. The water continued dripping, Dahyun shivered, but whether it was from the water or the proximity, she wouldn’t be able to tell you.

“You won’t know unless you try, no?” Mina finally spoke, leaning in so her voice would pass through the booming music, “And personally, I wish I lived having done every possible thing I could have done.”

Their eyes remained locked, the burst of nerves shooting through Dahyun’s back, over her body, making her legs go numb. Mina’s eyes were nearly black, dilated from the darkness around them and a bit of the alcohol, Dahyun wondered if she looked as breathtaking as she did. Looking so well put together despite sitting in such a dirty bar, where the air smelled stale and the alcohol was sharp in its flavor.

“Take a sip,” Mina encouraged again, but it felt more like a direct order, one Dahyun couldn’t help but comply with, gently taking the think straw between her lips. Slowly letting the contents of the drink splash against her tongue.

Her eyebrows furrowed.

“Ew!” Dahyun protested, leaning away from the drink, “What the hell was that?”

Mina’s eyes twinkled, full of mirth as she watched Dahyun desperately try to erase the flavor from her taste buds.

“Old-fashioned.”

“Why does it taste like that?” Dahyun continued licking her lips, the flavor burning her throat, “You like that?”

“It’s made with whiskey,” Mina explained calmly, “Whiskey and bitters-,”

“The flavor is called bitters?”

“Yes, and?”

“You disgust me,” Dahyun couldn’t help but scrunch her face, “You tricked me.”

“But doesn’t it feel good?” Mina questioned, taking a small sip, “To have tried it?”

“It tasted god awful-,”

“I’m not asking about the flavor,” Mina waved her off, “I’m asking about the action.”

The music ended, claps filling the room but otherwise much more silent, Dahyun could now hear her heart pounding in her ears, heavy and nervous. “What about the action?” She questioned.

“You can live the rest of your life peacefully knowing you tried it, at least once. To have the chance to say it, feels like an opportunity all on its own.”

Dahyun watched, as Mina took another sip from her (disgusting) drink, her voice having been twinged with longing. It was just a drink, Dahyun wanted to say, but watching Mina’s neck tighten as she swallowed, and her eyes shine as she stared off to the wall of alcohol, each bottle filled to various amounts, each cork a bit worn and used.

If she had said no, would she have had this specific moment in time? Where the music finally ceased, and Dahyun could hear the echo of Mina’s glass as it was placed back to the countertop, where the ice inside clinked against the glass. Would Dahyun have had this moment? Where she locked into Mina’s eyes, as they guided her and watched as she took a sip from the worst drink of her life. The taste remained, but so did the slight buzz on Dahyun’s cheek, from where Mina’s knuckle brushed against the corner of her lips from where she held the glass. Would that moment have remained? Would the memory of soft cool knuckles against Dahyun’s flushed skin be as shocking as it was now?

Dahyun could not fathom a memory without them.

“Maybe,” Dahyun conceded, smiling slightly when Mina looked a bit triumphant, “Maybe it wasn’t too bad. The memory, at least.”

“And the drink?” Mina teased slightly, and without another word, leaned in to give Dahyun a gentle nudge with her shoulder. A small gesture, but the signals were blaring in Dahyun’s ears, the brush of contact, the way Mina remained just a bit closer.

Dahyun turned, to face her professor, who merely stared back with raised eyebrows, pinching the straw as she took a long sip, waiting. Waiting for something, anything, really, at least Dahyun assumed. And they were close, comfortably so. Their shoulders brushing, Dahyun could see the way Mina’s neck moved as she drank. She smelled a vague scent, maybe of something fresh and something burning. With this proximity, Dahyun could confirmed the smudged, disappearing eyeliner, and wet streaks down her cheeks, where her makeup washed away. And slightly red-rimmed eyes, a bit puffy from earlier salty tears, perhaps as bitter as her drink.

A piece of Dahyun was pained, her mind concocting the image of the woman before her in tears, perhaps in her car, as the rain drizzled, and the road was dark. But she also could see the twinkle in her eyes, the light joy as she awaited Dahyun’s response. To her joke. Dahyun made her laugh.

“The drink,” Dahyun cleared her throat, “Was awful. You’re literally a horrible person for allowing me to drink that.”

Mina grinned, a wide grin, unlike her awkward pleasantries in passing. This was not a tight-lipped formal greeting, this was unadulterated, a grin she was unable to hold back as it grew wider and wider. Dahyun felt the breath she held suck out her lungs. Without much thought, Dahyun let her arm reach out, resting against the back of Mina’s chair, maintaining the closeness.

“But the memory,” Dahyun mused, not quite wanting to look away from such a golden moment, “Maybe I guess I’ll look back on the memory with fondness,” She decided, “Maybe.”

“Because why?” Mina asked, her voice even lower, husky in a way that sent a shiver down Dahyun’s back and goosebumps up her arm. She felt her palm tighten against the chair.

“Because its you,” Dahyun decided on, “The drink was bitter, but you aren’t.”

The glow in Mina’s eyes looked a bit more distant. “Funny,” She replied, taking the final sip of her drink before she finished its contents, “I’ve been told plenty of times in my life I am just like that…old-fashioned.”

“Why?” Dahyun questioned.

“Just because,” Mina shrugged, setting the glass down, “A bit modest. A little more hidden. Not everyone’s particular tastes. Black coffee, unsweet tea…old-fashion.”

“The drink was bitter,” Dahyun repeated, “But I don’t find you to be. Maybe it’s the age. I think I see everything with just a bit more sweetness and sugar. Hot chocolates, raspberry lemonade…strawberry daquiris,” Dahyun shyly held up the glass she had long forgotten about, “And maybe it’s a little too much for people too.”

“May I?” Mina motioned to the drink.

Wordlessly, Dahyun held the straw between her fingers, gently guiding it to touch Mina’s lips. She watched, as Mina held onto the straw, taking a gentle sip. Dahyun shivered, her knuckles brushing against Mina’s skin, it was smooth and much cooler than expected. Mina was nice, everything nice. Everything peaceful and not bitter, at least in Dahyun’s eyes. Just a bit peculiar, perhaps.

Mina’s eyebrows furrowed. “Well,” She mused, suddenly reaching up and taking the cup into her hands, cupping Dahyun’s hands amidst the crossfire. Dahyun felt her stomach drop down to her toes, her heart slowing down but pounding heavily in her ears.

“Its definitely…,” Mina trailed off, seemingly lost in thought as she tried to find the right word.

“Peculiar?” Dahyun somehow managed to croak out, internally cringing at the way her voice cracked, doing everything in her power to holdback the shake of her hands, afraid if she moved a little too much, Mina would easily slip away just as quick as she had arrived.

“You could say,” Mina chuckled, taking another sip, guiding Dahyun’s straw back to her lips, her motions intentional as Dahyun’s throat ran dry.

“A peculiar drink for a peculiar woman, don’t you think?” Dahyun questioned, unfamiliar with the closeness but the craving for it increased by tenfold, a buzz spreading beneath her skin, feeling the alcohol begin to spread, “Are you always this beautiful?”

“It’s getting quite late Miss Kim,” Mina said calmly, a small smile playing on her lips as she slipped away, Dahyun slapping herself on the inside over and over, feeling how the room spun the slightest bit as she scrambled up.

“I’m sorry-,” She tried but Mina beat her to the punch.

“No apology needed,” Mina insisted, more commanding that Dahyun had no choice but to listen, “Its called liquid courage for a reason Miss Kim. But no, I really must be getting home, perhaps he is ready to speak…,” She trailed off, fishing inside her bag as she waved the bartender over.

“Are you going to be okay?” Dahyun fussed as Mina spoke with the bartender, “You seemed really upset earlier.”

“So is life Dahyun,” Mina sighed, “So we must let it be. But we dated starting when I was 20 and he is my husband, I have chosen to love him as a husband for ten years, dating for five before, and perhaps even decades after. We fight and try to make it work. So is life.”

Ten years, Dahyun couldn’t help but think. Ten years, Mina married a man. Fifteen years, she married and fell in love. Established a life, a routine, grew to know him from the inside out, like the back of her hand. Ten years, Dahyun was 11, barely just learning about what it meant to have a friend.

But even at 21, Dahyun had a surpassing thought, rushing through her alcohol ridden brain as just another mindless signal.

‘The one you love shouldn’t intentionally make you cry,’ she thought bitterly but bit her tongue, out of fear of disrespecting her professor, despite how many boundaries she knew they crossed from this single encounter.

“Have a safe night Professor,” Dahyun conceded, sitting back on the seat at the bar, this time ready to be alone as Mina lingered.

“Thank you,” Mina suddenly sighed out, resting her hand on Dahyun’s shoulder with a surprisingly firm grip. Dahyun stiffened, straightening up as she stared at the contact, before looking back, seeing Mina patiently waiting for her to look her in her beautiful, honey eyes.

“For what?” Dahyun felt as if she sounded a little goofy, a little slurred and very much surprised.

“For sitting with me,” Mina admitted, “And listening. I know I might have put a damper on a fun night-,”

“Anything with you is better than any old plans I had,” Dahyun admitted, perhaps a bit too quickly, but she still beamed with pride as Mina held back a smile, “And I wanted to sit with you. I like being with you.”

“Yes, well,” Mina pulled away, “You’re quite peculiar indeed Miss Kim…Don’t forget our assignment due Sunday night.”

“Yes professor,” Dahyun rolled her eyes.

“And enjoy my treat,” Mina added before walking off, giving Dahyun one last lingering look before she exited into the much cooler night air, that dully blasted as the door slammed shut.

“Treat?” Dahyun mumbled, as the bartender walked over, holding a familiar small-chilled glass with brown liquid.

“Old-fashioned?” He placed it in front of Dahyun, “She said to say, enjoy the drink. And you better drink it, it was a gift.”

Dahyun frowned, eyebrows scrunching as she held the chilled glass in her hand, already knowing it would be disrespectful to deny such an expensive gift (bars were always like that…expensive.)

“And,” he added, “She said your drinks were on her tab.”

Oh.

Dahyun blinked, this time, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the old-fashioned. ‘Enjoy my treat,’ Mina had said literal moments ago, and Dahyun assumed it was this nasty old drink Mina made look like it was regular sweet tea. But no, Mina Myoui was a grown woman, with a husband, a new car, expensive clothes…

And a credit card.

The drink still looked disgusting, and with a cautious sip, Dahyun’s scrunched eyebrows reminded her this was still, in fact, a bitter, bitter drink. But somehow, it tasted better, or maybe…it was the feeling of butterflies fluttering in her stomach that made it all the difference.

Such a gift, Dahyun found herself enjoying entirely for the remainder of the night. Or maybe, the drink just looked so much like honey-colored eyes when the midday light hit.

*********

“Hold the door.”

Dahyun stopped, halfway entering the classroom, dreading to see the muted irked expression on Professor Myoui’s face (specifically, an upturn on her eyebrows and shifty eyes), having shown up nearly ten minutes after the assigned class time. Mina used every precious minute, spending every moment of that hour fifteen going over necessary vocabulary, sharing specific anecdotes, and so on, relevant to the class.

So, imagine her surprise (and the iciness crawling up her spine) to hear the familiar click of heels hurriedly coming down the hall.

Turning her head, awfully nervous to see if her premonitions were true, Dahyun watched. Halfway down the hall, to see silver hair and honey eyes, wearing tan culottes, white ankle boots, an off-white button up, and a white blazer resting over her shoulders. Nothing seemed to be quite off, other than her other-worldly beauty, but that was the least of Dahyun’s worries. No, her biggest worry, and worst concern, was the strikingly stark difference of color from Mina’s outfit to the black straps over her arm, slightly hidden by the blazer, on purpose, Dahyun decidedly realized, as Mina shifted slightly to keep the blazer from falling off in her rush.

“P-Professor?” Dahyun quipped, long forgetting the door and ignoring the way the slam echoed down the barren hall. She let her feet lead her, closing the gap between her and the professor.

“What-?” Dahyun questioned, seeing the pile of folders she gripped in one arm, her good arm, and immediately taking it from her. The exchange was quick, but Dahyun always soaked in the closeness, the way Mina’s hand brushed against her own, not putting up much of an argument. “What happened Professor?” Dahyun questioned, now carrying the load as they walked side by side down the distance to the classroom.

“Nothing Miss Kim,” Mina insisted, cheeks flushed from the force, looking a bit more tired, even by her standard. With darkened bags, a slight purple tint running beneath her eyes, and sunken cheekbones, accentuating a bonier structure not from age but lack of basic needs.

“We’re not in class,” Dahyun insisted, “Just tell me.”

“Class started, ten minutes ago,” Mina pointed out, through slight agitation, “And by that standard, we speak as we would in a classroom. In which, I am, and have always been, your professor. Speak properly.”

Dahyun watched, as strands of Mina’s hair fell forward, as Mina huffed. With her good arm, reaching across to brush them away, only for her purse to slide down her arm.

“You’re fucking kidding me,” Mina grunted, nearly giving up before stopping at the door.

“Speak properly Professor Myoui,” Dahyun bit back, turning to face the taller woman, balancing the folders tucked safely beneath her arm, and reached up. “Class started ten minutes ago,” She reminded, holding her breath as she brushed the hair away from Mina’s darkened expression, pulling it behind her ear.

It was deafening, taking such a bold stance, feeling the smoothness of Mina’s cheek in the palm of her hand. But it felt fitting, to happen in the middle of a barren hall, where it felt like it was just the two of them amongst the confines of worlds that shouldn’t have crossed. Yet here they were, colliding together, as Dahyun watched before her eyes as the agitation in Mina’s eyes momentarily seemed to dissipate, nearly completely relaxing beneath her touch. And Mina felt like everything Dahyun would have assumed, smooth and feathery, nearly silken skin with no blemish to be seen. Her skin so cold, it felt almost hot, almost burning Dahyun enough to jerk away. But Dahyun remained, steady, as Mina twitched under her touch.

“What happened Professor?” Dahyun nearly whispered, even if not a single soul could witness this moment. Mina rested her cheek in the palm of Dahyun’s hand, so quickly, Dahyun might have missed it, if not for the very fact that the burning in Dahyun’s hand only amplified.

And for a moment, Dahyun thought Mina had cracked. She thought she had gotten the core of this mysterious woman. Thought she had peeling what she could to finally understand what it meant to know someone through the inside out. It was in her eyes, the way Mina was no longer upset, or irritated. But tired, so very tired, so intensely exhausted it must have rang right through her bones, Dahyun could see it in the dimness of her eyes.

But just like something tangible, like a book, the newness becomes just another fleeting feeling before it’s no longer the new you had seen through the store window. It becomes just exactly another thing, another book to add to a collection of books that each had once felt entirely new.

And long before Dahyun thought she would witness something new; it became familiar once again.

“Just open the door Miss Kim,” Mina ordered, but there was the slightest twinge of plea in her tone, pulling away form the touch and nearly making Dahyun drop the folders. “I have a class to teach. And you have a class to listen to.”

Dahyun bit her lip, “Of course Professor,” She pushed the door, seeing the students curiously perk up as Mina walked in, looking just a bit smaller than Dahyun recalled.

“Apologies,” Mina greeted, “You can put the files here Miss Kim,” She motioned to her desk, “Thank you for your help.”

“Of course, Professor,” Dahyun droned, the newness long gone and back to how it had always felt. But the burn of her palm remained new, and even when it became familiar, Dahyun would assume it could be the start of newness she so urgently felt was slowly falling from beneath her fingers.

*********

“Funny seeing a familiar face again.”

Dahyun perked up, straightening as a figure appeared by her peripherals, looking much more casual than typical.

“Mi-uh-…Professor?” Dahyun questioned unsurely, feeling the blood rush to her cheeks as she observed Mina by her side, still wearing that unsightly black sling, though, it seemed to suit the outfit just a bit more. Wearing dark denim flared jeans, black pointed boots, a simple white t-shirt, and a leather jacket. Well, halfway wearing the jacket, one arm having been through the arm hole, the other still resting in the sling, the jacket haphazardously pulled over her shoulder.

Her hair was clipped, strands falling comfortably over her cheeks, her makeup darker than Dahyun recalled ever seeing. Dahyun’s mouth ran dry, almost nearly forgetting words if not for the raise of Mina’s eyebrow.

“Uh,” Dahyun sputtered, “I-What…what are you doing here?”

“Professors have lives too, you know,” Mina pouted slightly, sending Dahyun’s head into a spin (or maybe it was the two cocktails she had before this exchange (She was quite the lightweight, but you didn’t hear that from her)). “You saw me at the bar no less than two weeks ago.”

“Yes but,” Dahyun tried, trying to find the proper wording of ‘but you were sad that day,’ with almost utter failure, “But like…circumstances felt different that day.”

“Twenty something year old's aren’t the only ones who frequent bars,” Mina pointed out, “I’m not that old.”

“I didn’t say you were!” Dahyun argued, fidgeting as Mina slid into the seat beside her, “I’m just surprised.”

“Well,” Mina waved the bartender over, “Don’t be. It’s just me.”

“And just a few days ago,” Dahyun mumbled, “You were getting mad at me for being worried about you.”

Mina frowned, exchanging words with the bartender as he walked off.

“That was different,” Mina insisted quietly, “That was school. That was stressful. That was work.”

“What makes now different?” Dahyun argued, “No matter where we go, I’m still your student.”

“Until Monday hits,” Mina explained, “I’m not a professor. I’m Mina.” The bartender came by, placing a clear small shot glass of clear liquid. Dahyun’s previous experiences would remind her, that was, in fact, not a tiny glass of water.

Dahyun blinked, as Mina suddenly grabbed the glass, throwing her head back as she drank the contents in less than two seconds, a long exhale leaving her lips as she nearly slammed the glass back to the countertop.

“Mina Myoui,” Her professor suddenly said, extending her good arm out, staring right at Dahyun with a curious expression, “Nice to meet you.”

Dahyun managed to keep her surprised expression to a minimum, staring down at the hand waiting out, extending and reaching to meet Dahyun halfway. Mina held no expectation, simply waiting, a small smile playing on her lips.

An opportunity does not reach out to you like this, on any random occasion.

“Kim Dahyun,” Dahyun blurted, taking Mina’s hand into her own, the waves of shock running up her arm and down her spine, the same feeling of iciness it nearly burned. Like whipping through the pages of a new book, the scent new, the paper untouched, each page a different discovery, one someone could possibly be addicted to.

And Dahyun was completely enamored.

“Its rock night, you know,” Mina added, as the bartender brought another shot, this one blue. Mina wordlessly downed the contents before Dahyun could even ask what it was.

“It is,” Dahyun nodded, “I like coming to listen to the live bands.”

“You like rock?”

“I’ll listen to any genre,” Dahyun shrugged, “I love all of it.”

“Nerd,” Mina snickered, sounding impossibly childish as the giggle left her lips.

“Okay,” Dahyun scoffed, “I didn’t know the one with 342 different books on the shelves in just her office could call anyone else a nerd.”

“You remembered how many books it was…?” Mina asked, her voice much quieter, eyes a bit more surprised. Was this the Mina outside of school and sadness? Teasing, relaxed, and as expressive in her eyes as Dahyun was in her posture?

“I-I-,” Dahyun stuttered, grabbing her drink, “I mean-who could forget? It’s a lot of fucking books.” She furiously chugged the contents to ensure she didn’t have to keep talking anytime soon.

The night felt like a bit of a blur, the live music booming through the speakers, Dahyun and Mina only conversing occasionally by yelling, though it felt like an impossible task given how soft-spoken each were in their own right. But they laughed, cheering to the music, and Dahyun felt the way her body gradually grew warmer and warmer, relaxing at the alcohol ran through her veins. And it felt so natural, so normal, as if her and Mina had been friends long before barely meeting a few months ago. as if they had known each other for a whole lifetime.

The crash of reality came when Mina tugged Dahyun by the wrist, her hand firm but soft, her skin just as hot as Dahyun.

Outside was much colder, the blast of cool, refreshing air giving Dahyun a healthy dose of sobriety, but it did little as she only laughed slightly. The music still blared from behind the closed doors, but it was quieter, the night felt empty, most having left for the night. It was late, clouds having rolled in as it poured.

Dahyun remembered carrying an umbrella in her purse, clumsily fumbling it out and opening it up, holding it tightly as Mina crammed into the small space.

“Help?” Mina simply slurred out, holding a lighter that Dahyun had no idea where she conjured it up from.

“You smoke?” Dahyun couldn’t stop herself from blurting out, but complying with the request as she flicked it on, watching the flames dance as Mina held a fresh cigarette between her middle and pointer finger, pressed against her face, the tip of the cigarette between her lips.

Mina’s eyes fluttered shut, her skin glowing orange from the dim flame, Dahyun could only watch with her mouth slightly ajar, still stunned to silence simply by watching.

The cigarette began to burn, Mina taking a long drag before exhaling. The air smelled of rainwater, mint, and tobacco. Dahyun wrinkled her nose.

“When I drink,” Mina explained, “I typically smoke. Only when I drink, though.”

“Is that a thing?” Dahyun questioned, “I hear a lot of people smoke when they drink.”

“It just feels right,” Mina mused, another cloud of gray smoke leaving her lips as she spoke, “I can’t imagine drinking and not having at least one smoke.”

“I can imagine,” Dahyun argued, “I don’t drink with the intention of having a smoke.”

“That is because you’ve never tried it,” Mina insisted, “How would you know if you’ve never even tried?”

“I didn’t know professors endorsed smoking nowadays.”

Mina tsked. “Except, I’m not a professor right now. And I’m not endorsing it. I’m simply not condoning it either.”

Dahyun watched as Mina took another drag.

“So…what happened?” Dahyun finally asked, thanking her lucky stars that the courage part of liquid courage finally took hold. A glint of annoyance flashed in Mina’s eyes, taking an especially long drag, eyeing Dahyun in a way that made her shiver in her spot.

“What happened with what?” Mina questioned, watching the rain, “A lot of things happen all the time, simultaneously Miss Kim. You need to be more specific.”

Miss Kim. A familiar ring.

“I mean,” Dahyun huffed, the air feeling warmer from the burning smoke, “I mean like, what happened to your arm Profess-Mina. Mina. I’m asking as a friend.”

Mina watched her carefully.

“I fell.”

“You fell?” Dahyun repeated, disbelieving.

“Yes Miss Kim,” Mina sighed, “I fell, my leg gave out on the second to last step of my staircase. I tripped. I had no where to go but to the ground. I landed badly. My shoulder dislocated-,”

“You dislocated your arm?”

“On accident Dahyun,” Mina stared right into her, gray smog obscuring the beauty, as Dahyun squinted through the burn, “On accident. A silly, insignificant accident that rendered me helpless for a few days.”

The rain continued falling.

“Accidents aren’t insignificant.”

“And how do you propose to backup such a statement?”

Dahyun snorted, arm a bit aching from upholding the umbrella. But she could see the way Mina hunched over, squishing till their shoulders touched to fit into such a small, confined space while everyone else remained inside. Packed like sardines, but boisterously singing along to songs well before Dahyun’s time. It made the moment feel more intimate.

A sight only set for her and Mina.

“Okay Professor-,” Dahyun couldn’t help the sarcasm dripping from her tone, “Since you’re requesting such a defense. Think about it. If accidents were insignificant, why do they hold consequence?”

“…What do you mean?”

“Well,” Dahyun considered, “I-I don’t really know.”

“So then don’t propose a thesis on the basis of a feeling,” Mina clarified, “and just let it be. An accident.”

They remained silent. She could have argued, really. But the tone, the energy, the obvious remnants of the professor in Mina’s eyes overshadowed the sprinkle of courage Dahyun felt to try to argue. She chose to watch the smoke, taking in the shapes and trying to find a name for them.

“Sorry,” Mina suddenly mumbled out, when the cigarette was near gone, “I just…-,”

“Don’t worry,” Dahyun reassured, “I get it. Its none of my business.”

They remained silent.

“You want some?” Mina suddenly offered, holding out the cigarette cautiously. Dahyun blinked, the waft of smoke burning her eyes.

“I-,” Dahyun started, “I don’t…I’ve never-,”

“You can say no,” Mina insisted, “It was just an offer.”

“It’s not like I’ve never wanted to try it,” Dahyun found herself admitted, her brain still a bit foggy but focusing so clearly on the sound of rain and the rhythm of Mina’s puffs, “But it’s not something I necessarily want a habit on.”

“Then you don’t have to put your lips on it,” Mina suggested, adjusting so they faced before each other, Dahyun looking up, slightly confused.

“What do you mean?”

“You know,” Mina’s eyes seemed to darken, if that was at all possible, even with the way Dahyun’s eyes struggled to adjust to the dim lights of the outside, “Like shotgunning.”

Shotgunning. Shotgunning?

“I-,” Dahyun started off, “I don’t…I dunno what that is.”

Mina continued watching, maybe Dahyun was still a bit drunk, but she swears Mina was glancing to her lips, in their slightly chapped and chattering state from the breeze.

“I could show you,” Mina’s voice sounded much lower, huskier, and Dahyun was barely starting to see just how large Mina seemed in the moment. In stature, in height, in aura, in essence.

Dahyun could only look up slightly, feeling her throat run drier than her lips, awaiting any other signal or hint.

“Do you want me to show you?” Mina questioned, voice still low, breath still smelling slightly of liquor and booze. “You can always tell me no you know-,”

“Wait-,” Dahyun interrupted, heart pounding so harshly beneath her ribs, “I never said no.”

The silence thickened as Dahyun gained her nerve, focusing on her breathing as Mina’s eyes bore into her, unwavering, observing every part there was to observe.

“I mean…,” She took a few moments to regain her words, “At least I can live my life with the peace of knowing I tried it.”

Mina’s eyes widened, only slightly, in recognition. Perhaps Dahyun was a bit of a romantic, having Mina’s words imprinted in her brain like a typewriter permeating through the parchment, inking into something permanent. It wasn’t hard, when everything Mina spoke felt like poetry.

“Just inhale,” Mina suddenly piped up, interrupting Dahyun’s muses.

“Inhale when?”

“You’ll know,” Mina said, tone hinting an obviousness that was established, which made Dahyun’s heart only speed up even more. To be unknowing of something that was supposed to be known, Dahyun couldn’t find it in herself to speak up. Rather, she watched, as Mina’s figure only grew, taking a few shuffles closer, till the gap between them felt almost uncomfortable.

“And you’re positive you want to try?” Mina questioned once more, only a minor drizzle of doubt falling between the cracks of her neutrality.

“Of course,” Dahyun insisted, “I always try new things with friends.”

The cracks intensified, Mina’s expression softening for a split moment before steeling up, gazing down to Dahyun with a strict determination only someone older could emulate.

“Part your lips,” Mina ordered, and Dahyun had no choice but to listen, opening them gently.

Mina faltered, Dahyun saw, her heart speeding up all over again as she stared, eyes flickering downward for a split moment. “I quite enjoy moments that happen in secret,” Her voice whispered, almost nearly getting lost in the breeze, “I can live my life peacefully as well, knowing I helped you experience this.”

And with no other disturbance, Dahyun watched, with slightly parted lips, one hand shoved in her jacket pocket, the other turning nearly white in the knuckles as she gripped the umbrella with an undeniably tight hold. Hoping she wasn’t shivering in nerves on the outside as much as she felt on the inside. She watched, as Mina took another drag from the cigarette, an extra long one, as she suddenly threw the butt of it to the ground.

Dahyun felt her eyes wanting to follow, but was suddenly faced with the electricity of icy fingers on her cheeks. In a swift motion, her face was brought to a tilt, lips still parted and eyes widening impossibly large.

Mina, that’s all she was faced with. Mina with her clipped up silver hair, and honey brown eyes. Eyelids heavy, makeup somehow intact despite being clearly covered in a cold sweat from being in the bar. Her good hand holding Dahyun’s face with a firm grip of obedience, as she pulled Dahyun even closer, to the point their noses brushed. The panic was prominent, washing over Dahyun like the heaviest dose of sobriety she’d ever felt, her hand leaving her pocket to hold onto Mina’s wrist tightly, looking for any sense of anchoring.

Yet she watched. Lips still parted, Dahyun couldn’t pull away, as Mina leaned in, eyes just the slightest bit open, their lips so close to a touch yet Dahyun never felt colder in her life.

And she blew.

“You’ll know,” Mina’s voice echoed in her head, as Mina’s breath drew out, a stream of smoke leaving her lips.

Dahyun inhaled.

She tasted of smoke, but distant. It burned, filling her lungs with smog that made her eyes water. But despite the pain, and the burn in the back of her throat, it was fresh. Like mint.

She tasted of mint, vaguely. Just right there, but not quite.

They remained.

Noses touching, the air between them smelling of alcohol and fresh smoke, the urge to hack and cough making Dahyun’s eyes water. But she remained, staring down to Mina’s lips with bleary eyes. Her hand still gripping onto Mina’s good wrist, the contact of their skin making her shiver.

“That’s shotgunning,” Mina finally mumbled, eyes staring down at the way Dahyun licked the dryness away from her lips, “sharing a smoke.”

“I see,” Dahyun whispered, trying not to release the cough rising in the back of her throat, too desperate to keep the proximity, “it was minty.”

Mina’s lips ghosted a smile; not once looking up. “Menthols.”

“Menthols,” Dahyun repeated, dragging her eyes down to watch Mina’s smile, “You smoke menthols.”

“I do,” Mina nodded, noses bumping, “and now you have too.”

The silence grew over once more.

How overpowering, Dahyun mused, her stomach twisting and her heart jumping, how overpowering at the mere presence of power. That’s how Mina felt, powerful. As of Dahyun was just a mere follower to a cult, watching Mina’s every move like it was prophetic in itself.

“Have a goodnight Dahyun,” Mina conceded, tearing herself away as Dahyun could only crave for the affection, feeling even more cold than before.

“Goodnight…Mina.”

“Don’t forget your reflection essay due tomorrow night.”

The reality of what just happened hit Dahyun, watching her professor briskly walk away, giving a slight glance as she looked back.

“I-,” Dahyun tried, “Good…goodnight. Professor. Yeah…goodnight.”

“Just Mina,” She called out, “Until Monday.”

Like clockwork.

“Goodnight…Mina.”

It still sounded so beautiful coming from her lips.

*********

The rain was pouring.

Dahyun didn’t know where it had come from. One day, mist and drizzle, by the next, signs of flooding was becoming apparent.

Her final class of the day ended at 9:30, night classes were always a pain. And there was no bigger pain than walking back to her car, and making the drive back to her apartment in the pitch black dark.

Buildings were a shortcut.

Was it a bit more inconvenient? Perhaps. But there was something…quaint…to be walking alone in the buildings that were once occupied with dozens of students earlier within the day. As if Dahyun was accessing parts of the university that were beyond normal accessibility. As if she were discovering something entirely new, all over again.

Only this time, the entering of the faculty building was accompanied by the barest of sniffles, so quiet, Dahyun would’ve missed it, between the patter of the rain and the crackles of thunder.

Only it sounded so awfully familiar.

“Hello?” Dahyun called out, barely audible in the darkened building, looking around.

A figure sat on an emptied table, items scattered about, her silhouette barely formable in the dark.

But Dahyun knew it like no other.

“Professor?” She called out gently, taking a few more steps into the building, not caring that her shoes squeaked across the tile, “Professor Myoui is that you?”

Her head shot up, buried somewhere in her hands, whipping and turned to look right at Dahyun. She felt it, the way her heart sped up and tightened at the same time.

“…Dahyun?” Mina questioned, her name coming from her lips so sweetly, so innocuous and confused, tinged with the slightest bit of hope, “what are you doing here so late?”

“My class just released,” Dahyun explained, standing at the table beside her, choosing to not point out the way Mina’s mascara ran down her face, captured her bone structure like the artists who made interpretations.

“But why are you still here?” Dahyun instead pushed to the real reason of her concern,” I thought you had a ride?” If her memory served correct (and the increasing frequency of messaging they engaged in), Mina’s car had broken down two days ago, and her…husband (ugh) was supposed to be supporting rides for her for the time being.

Dahyun had an inching feeling that her husband had exactly everything to do with this.

“I did have one,” Mina confirmed, staring down at her phone on the table, “But I’m afraid he must have fallen asleep. He hasn’t answered my calls.”

“How long have you been waiting?”

“Since 8:30.”

About an hour. “Is he a deep sleeper?”

Mina sighed, shoulders slumping, “a bit.”

Dahyun considered.

“Would you…like some company? For the time being?”

Mina gave a wistful smile, “Its quite late. You should get home.”

Thunder boomed, the table shook.

“In this weather?” Dahyun snorted, “I think sitting is the smart choice.”

Mina didn’t protest, she simply watched as Dahyun dragged the seat beside her own, as she set her stuff down. As she placed her own worn out hiker’s backpack next to Mina’s Louis Vuitton leather purse.

“You look nice,” Dahyun complimented, “I like the shirt.”

“It’s just a white button up,” Mina observed, and Dahyun couldn’t help but admire the way her khakis fit her legs, “Nothing special.”

“I can’t think it looks good?”

“I never said that. I simply stated it’s a simple outfit.”

“Simple looks elegant on you,” Dahyun shrugged, feeling a bit bolder in the dark, “I always admire your style.”

“Admire just my style?” Her voice was light, feathery, just the right touch of teasing. Dahyun thanked her lucky stars the darkness of the building hid her blush.

“Am I pushing my limits?” Dahyun questioned, while Mina seemed to ponder, resting her chin in her hand and leaning on her elbow, watching Dahyun with a specific expression she did not have the words to describe.

“Why don’t you see?” Mina dared, and Dahyun felt the confidence falter, Mina’s voice teetering between nothing and something.

“I-,” Dahyun immediately stuttered, “I mean, of course I admire your style. But…can I not admire you too?”

“You admire me?” Mina pushed, leaning more forward, as if exchanging a secret meant only for their ears.

“Of course I do,” Dahyun pushed right back, “I admire your ethic. Your determination. Your style. Your beauty.”

“You find me beautiful Miss Kim?” Mina asked, the use of Dahyun’s last name making her skin prickle. Because in the school, she was Professor Myoui. Not Mina.

“Who wouldn’t?” Dahyun mumbled.

Despite the silence, Dahyun was relieved to see the tears had stopped.

“I find you…peculiar.”

“Is that a bad thing? You’ve used it quite often for me.”

“Do you find it to be bad?”

Dahyun contemplated. “I imagine it similar to weird. Which, subjectively speaking, usually means something odd. Weird. Strange. Uncommon.”

“And you find those words to be bad?”

“A bit.”

“You’d be partially right, you know,” Mina leaned back into her seat, arms crossed tightly over herself as the draft kicked in, “Peculiar, definitely speaking, can mean so much bad. Odd, abnormal, different. Why, I remember being called it myself when I was your age.”

“So then…,” Dahyun said, “Then why call me that?”

“Because more than one definition exists of one word. And while peculiar can mean odd or strange, it can mean particular, or special.” Mina explained, her eyes seemingly glowing a deep brown that warmed the pit of Dahyun’s stomach, “You are peculiar. Distinct. Unique. Remarkable…different.”

“You find me special?”

“Quite,” Mina nodded quietly, “I don’t think any other student of mine would sit with me to ride out a storm.”

“And as a friend?”

“…we’re within school walls Miss Kim,” Mina warned, “But you are special.”

“…You were crying,” Dahyun blurted, ignoring the red on her cheeks, “I heard you.”

“I know,” Mina said quietly, not bothering to clear the smudges near the corner of her eyes or the streaks below her lashes, eyes boring right past Dahyun’s physical form, “I didn’t try to hide it.”

“…Did he really fall asleep?”

“Miss Kim-,” Mina’s tone flickered between warning and helpless.

“Professor-,”

“Stop,” Mina’s voice was strict, commanding, leaving Dahyun no room for argument. Dahyun slumped back into her seat.

“You can’t be here all night,” Dahyun insisted, “What if I gave you a ride home?”

“I-,” Mina suddenly stopped, “No.”

“No?”

“No,” Mina repeated, her voice pinched, “I’m not-I’m not going home now.”

“…What do you mean?” Dahyun edged out the question, voice low as the rain echoed, “You just need to tell me your address Professor.”

“No-,” Mina insisted, shaking her head vigorously, “I-I can’t-I shouldn’t-,”

“Shouldn’t what?” Dahyun felt the worry bubble in the pit of her stomach, “Shouldn’t go home? It’s your home, Professor.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Not that easy?” The anger began to boil in the pit of her stomach, “Not that easy? Is it because of him?”

“Miss Kim-,”

“No,” Dahyun insisted, “I’m Dahyun, I’m your friend, and I’m asking, do you not want to go home because of him? Or you can’t go home? Because of him-,”

Mina kept her lips sealed, shoulders tensed as lightning flashed through the windows. “I-i can just sleep in my office Miss Kim-,”

“Okay, you know what?” Dahyun suddenly shot up, feeling slightly apologetic as Mina flinched at the movement. Yet she found herself not faltering, bolstered by anger and agitation and worry, simply grabbing Mina by the sleeve of her shirt, tugging her up.

“Miss Kim-,” Mina fumbled, “what is going on-?”

“Just,” Dahyun grumbled, pulling her until they were scampering out of the building, throwing the doors open as the rain only amplified, “Just c’mere. Please Professor.”

The air was still cold, stale as the wind blew, darkness and dirty. Mina seemed to glow, her whipping in the wind almost picturesque, Dahyun could already imagine the prose of poetry she would somehow muster while admiring the beauty before her.

“Why are we out here?” Mina’s voice barely carried through the storm, which felt as if they were in the worst of it. Mist sprayed down her arms, making her shiver, Dahyun’s hair splayed everywhere, the wind rang. “Because,” Dahyun practically yelled, “We’re not in a university building. We’re not inside. You’re not my professor, you’re not Professor Myoui-you’re Mina. You’re my friend.”

“Friend,” Mina repeated, barely audible, “Friend?”

“Friend,” Dahyun agreed, the rain only coming down harder, dampening them from their little protection of roofing, “I’m your friend. Please Mina-,”

Thunder boomed.

“Just come with me tonight,” Dahyun wanted to beg, but kept her voice only slightly pleading, “Please, Mina.”

“I-,” Mina seemed conflicted, eyes wavering as she stared down. Dahyun felt the agitation falter, for a moment questioning whether this was the best idea, pushing her already pushed boundaries, completely crossing them. She questioned, what was about to happen. If the words Miss Kim would leave Mina, her professor’s lips. If she’d get scolded and sent away. If her messages would go ignored.

She considered just leaving to her own accord, afraid of the outcome of recklessness-

“Okay.”

The rain continued to pour.

“What?”

“I said,” Mina sighed, “Okay.”

Dahyun’s heart seemed to stop.

“You-…okay?”

“Yeah,” Mina sighed, suddenly looking completely exhausted and winded, “Yeah. Which one is your car?”

*********

“I’m tired, Dahyun.”

The car ride had been otherwise silent, save for the sound of the pouring rain and the constant use of Dahyun’s less than stellar windshield wipers.

“Did you want to close your eyes?” Dahyun offered, “I can turn up the heat-,”

“No,” Mina sighed, having unclipped her hair, “No not like that.”

Dahyun processed her words. I’m tired.

“Of being out tonight?” Dahyun tried, knowing fully well that Mina was more tired than bone-deep.

“I’m just tired, Dahyun,” Mina’s voice was gentle, as she rested her head against the window, staring off as they zoomed through the city, the lights rushing past her face, capturing her in a moment of stillness. Like a painting, Dahyun watched from the side, admiring the moment.

*********

“Is this where you live?” Mina asked, when they scurried out of her car into the rain, Mina’s arm linked to Dahyun’s, shoulder to shoulder to avoid the rain beneath Dahyun’s umbrella.

Dahyun ignored how erratic her breathing felt when Mina did not let go of her arm, even as she unlocked the door and let her into the darkened studio.

“It is,” Dahyun confirmed, only then feeling the same iciness crawling up her arm as Mina unlinked from her, “Sorry its a mess.”

She watched Mina look around, taking in everything she could in the same fashion as when she read a book. Her eyes seemed to glow in the dark, occasionally lighting up in tandem with the lightning. “Quaint,” Mina gave a small smile, droplets of rain falling from her lashes, “I remember living in a studio apartment.”

“How long ago was that?” Dahyun snorted, teeth chattering but her first thought was grabbing a towel from the closet, handing it to Mina first.

“My first semesters in undergrad,” Mina gave a shy smile, taking the towel graciously and drying her hair, “Its been years.”

“Well,” Dahyun sighed, “I’m right where you are then. Maybe I’m doing something right.”

“And its just you?” Mina questioned, “No one else?”

“Just me,” Dahyun nodded, “I kind of always preferred it that way.”

“I apologize if I’m disturbing your peace.”

“You could never.”

“Yes, well,” Mina’s eyes adverted.

“Oh!” Dahyun frantically scrambled to the area where her bedroom technically was, searching vigorously through her drawers, “Here.”

“What’s this?”

“Clothes to sleep in,” Dahyun replied, as if it was the most obvious, “I don’t have much. But every woman I know loves to sleep in big t-shirts and shorts.”

“I guess some things don’t change with age,” Mina chuckled, “But really, I’d be fine just drying off.”

“C’mon Mina,” Dahyun pleaded, “You’re my guest. My friend. I always let my friends borrow my clothes. Especially those who are dripping wet from the rain.”

“Are you sure?” Mina questioned, fully unsure but staring at the dry clothes with almost a specific kind of yearning, a longing for something she maybe never quite had. Dahyun was left to wonder, as she nodded her head, watching Mina take the clothes from her, clutching them tightly to her chest.

What was she missing? It was clothes, Mina had plenty of those. Dahyun sat on her futon, knowing fully well the only thing separating her and Mina was the thin, drywall Mina hid behind when she scurried off to the bathroom. But in a sense, this was the closest Dahyun had ever been to her. Nights at the bar, even hours texting, this wasn’t the same. There wasn’t liquid courage, nor was there the physical separation of being in two different places.

And this wasn’t visiting during office hours either…that ended hours ago. Ages ago, nearly a lifetime ago.

“I borrowing makeup wipes, by the way-,” Mina’s voice cut short her musings, “If that was okay with you.”

Dahyun turned, breath feeling like it was sucked right out of her. She found it a bit hard to catch it, with the way Mina walked out of the bathroom, hair messily thrown over her shoulder, still damp. Eyeliner no longer running down her gaunt cheeks, they were bare. Her bags were tinted purple in the lamplight, she had a line of moles running down her face. her skin was nearly unblemished, save for a small insignificant little scar near the corner of her lips.

But to Dahyun, it felt like the entirety of the universe’s discoveries. As if she spent nearly a lifetime in search of wonders, only for them to come right before her. Wearing her oversized shirt nonetheless.

“Wow,” Dahyun sputtered out, as Mina took strides, flopping on the futon beside her, their shoulders just brushing.

“What?” Mina raised a brow, “Strange sight to see?”

“Not strange-,” Dahyun tried.

“Its not every day you see your professor without makeup,” Mina insisted, “I typically never go out without it.”

“Its not strange,” Dahyun repeated, “Its never been strange. Its just…”

“Just what?”

The thunder rolled.

“You’re beautiful.”

Mina remained silent.

“I don’t mean to push it,” Dahyun insisted, “But I just…its surprising, you know? Not that you’re beautiful, that’s always been known. But more that…your beauty is surprising. I could stare at statues, still life, and even models, and they all carry a uniqueness only they possess.”

“Aesthetics,” Mina mused quietly, “All beauty is a form of aesthetic. Its a philosophy, you know.”

“Right,” Dahyun sighed, flipping the TV on to drown out the noise of the rain and her own thoughts, “Aesthetics. The way art makes us perceive it, and how it makes it feel. Well, when I look at you, and I’m sure its more than just me…I-I…We feel…quiet.”

“Silent?”

“Not silent,” Dahyun corrected, “Quiet.”

Mina’s eyes reminded her of honey. Melted pots full of sweet, sweet honey. And wonder. “Do explain,” Mina’s eyes were so curious, the yearn still apparent in the strain of her stare, but still. Just the slightest bit too off for Dahyun to put her finger on. But who was she to say no to her professor? To a woman who held a sort of power over her, in a way that made her heart skip a beat?

“Its important for someone to back up their thesis, right?” Dahyun joked.

“It is.” Mina said with all seriousness.

Dahyun looked off to her window, blinds wide open, as the rain poured. “You know when it rains?” She questioned, “And you can’t help but stare?”

“Or when you’re at the library,” Dahyun continued, unsure whether she was watching the rain or the stillness of Mina in the moment, like ink to a book, feeling so permanent even if she knew this was just as fleeting as how warm she felt when Mina stared. “With a book, a book that’s so good, you can’t find it in yourself to pull away. Just like the rain, it feels the same every time, but yet, every time you watch, you find something new about it. Just like your favorite book of all time, so worn from time, rereading the same passages over and over again, and finding just another foreshadow, or allegory. To relearn all there is to know about something so familiar…,”

She cannot recall when her breathing grew so erratic, perhaps from the nerves, or maybe just the fact that Mina somehow seemed to push closer, with every word she spoke. Till their eyes locked, and it felt as if Dahyun was about to taste the distant flavor of mint. So close, but too far.

Dahyun stayed right in her spot, ignoring the heave of her chest, focused right onto Mina’s eyes, not daring to fix herself, leaving her neck as an uncomfortable crank. Still full of something missing, whatever it may be. But this time, softer. A gentle edge to her typically hardened gaze. With a bit of gleam in them, as if the rain had fallen into them, threatening to overflow the honey from her irises. She shrank under the mighty gaze, feeling just as plain as a blank book. And Mina stared, hard, consuming every feature she could of Dahyun in that moment, she felt it, with how Mina’s gaze flickered. From her eyes, to the slope of her nose, to the curve of her lips, lingering. Honey consumed eyes, Dahyun felt as if she could be glowing. Dahyun shivered.

“I’m going to do something,” Mina suddenly said, eyes still glued to every detail of Dahyun’s face she could fathom in the dark, with only the lamp in the corner giving some form of light. Along with the crackle of lightning.

Dahyun could only nod along, Mina’s voice full of a command Dahyun had no other choice than to listen, the boom of someone wiser, despite Mina’s voice barely carrying further than the light.

“Okay,” Dahyun nodded quietly, not daring to move an inch. Not when Mina seemed to harden herself, lifting her hands up, cupping Dahyun’s face. Dahyun nearly jumped, goosebumps and lightning shooting down her spine, Mina’s hands were freezing. The exact same iciness Dahyun felt when she longed to just be within her gaze. But now, rather than longing to be seem, Dahyun squirmed at the vulnerability of it all, the iciness now no longer reflecting yearning.

It felt something like desire.

Then again, literature wasn’t exactly Dahyun’s major.

But how could she be wrong, when Mina looked at her like that? When she held her face so gently in her frozen palms, as if they had never felt warmth before in their lives. In Mina’s lifetime.

How cold could her husband have been, if she was this freezing?

“Dahyun,” Mina interrupted, dragging her face to ensure they were eye to eye, “I think you are feeling exactly what I’m feeling right now.”

Dahyun swallowed. “Am I?”

“I think you are,” Mina repeated, thumb brushing over Dahyun’s cheek in a way that made her want to sigh, “I think we’ve been having the same thoughts, for a while now.”

“H-Have we?” Dahyun reared her mind to zone in, forgetting the nerves and the ice.

“I-I think so,” Mina’s confidence seemed to be faltering, but somehow she continued on, “I-I think…I think if I don’t do this, it will be an experience I will have never done. And I don’t quite think I can stand not experiencing this. I think if I don’t do this, I-I will never allow myself to move on from it.”

The tension was palpable. Mina smelled of menthols, smoky and the distant flavor of something more, something Dahyun hadn’t quite been able to get the taste of. Yet she craved it for weeks now.

“I wish for you to live peacefully,” Dahyun whispered.

Their lips crashed together.

And even though Dahyun got a taste a few weeks ago, close to the source but not quite, she had to agree. It could never compare to the real thing.

Nothing could quite compare to soft, pillowy lips, still sightly stained with gloss that had been attempted to be vigorously rubbed off moment ago. Nothing was ever going to smell like Mina’s peculiar scent, something like a winter apple. Like cranberries and apple and mint. Nor could anything ever taste exactly like her, menthol cigarettes staining her mouth with a hint of cinnamon from her gum.

And absolutely nothing, Dahyun truthfully believed, could ever compare to the sound that left Mina’s throat when Dahyun adjusted herself. When their lips disconnected for no longer than a split second, and Dahyun was slightly leaning in a way that her spine was uncomfortably pressed against the lining of the armrest of the couch. When a soft squeak of pure desperation left the older woman’s lips in panic, a sound that struck Dahyun right to her core just in the same moment lightning struck. When everything felt ignited.

Yeah, nothing would ever compare, Dahyun repeated to herself, when Mina crashed their lips together once more, and Dahyun’s hands found themselves running down Mina’s arms, beneath the oversized sleeves of the shirt Mina was wearing.

“We’re friends, right Dahyun?” Mina suddenly pulled away from the moment, which threw Dahyun completely off course, because she no longer was feeding the newfound aftertaste cigarette addiction she’s developed. It’s even stranger, Dahyun can’t help but think, because Mina’s breathing is even more erratic than her own, a small shake of her hands bring Dahyun back from heaven. But Mina seems to know, and begins to reassure her by keeping their noses squished together, pressing gentle kisses to Dahyun’s lips between breaths, as if holding herself back from consuming Dahyun all at once. To keep from overwhelming her.

Friends also feels a bit strange to say, because Dahyun doesn’t recall ever wanting to kiss her friends as desperately as she needs to right now. But Mina is still desperately pressing sloppy kisses on her lips, equally as desperate in her own right, so the better part of Dahyun grips it together and manages something of a grunt of agreement.

“Good,” Mina exhales shakily, kissing every piece of Dahyun’s face she can manage, eyes squeezed shut, “Friends shouldn’t lie to each other, right?”

Dahyun’s stomach knots, suddenly finding it much easier to grip herself into reality. “Right.”

“Right,” Mina nods, and presses a longer kiss to Dahyun’s lips, one that makes her eyelids flutter shut and momentarily pauses the worry.

“You were right,” Mina finally admits, its almost unheard because she’s so physically close to Dahyun, her lips muffling each time they brush against Dahyun’s, but Dahyun deciphers it quicker than she expected, because she is suddenly full of confusion. Mina peaks an eye open, unrelenting and not wanting to let go of this fleeting moment just yet.

“What was I right about?” Dahyun questioned, and it only feels right to speak in the same language Mina is, pressing lingering kisses to Mina’s now swollen lips, placing her hands over Mina’s own, calming the tremor.

“About,” Mina shut her eyes tightly again, “About…about getting left behind. Tonight. He-He didn’t fall asleep. He told me to not bother going home.”

Dahyun’s mind reeled, but almost on instinct, she continued feathering Mina’s face with reassurance in the form of kisses. Mina relaxed beneath her.

“Why?”

“I upset him,” Mina admitted, “We argued. Its about money, or maybe something else. I can’t tell anymore. But it ends the same each time. In yelling. In anger. In screaming. In tears. And this one was particularly nasty, because he tells me if I so as much as show my face at our doorstep tonight, he’s throwing all my things out.”

“And that’s why I found you,” Dahyun had begun to connect it, the streaky mascara and desperation to stay away.

“Don’t stop,” Mina’s voice is fragile and desperate, so purely desperate that Dahyun doesn’t think twice to kiss her again, and again, “I’m sorry,” She pleads between every type of kiss.

“Why are you sorry?” Dahyun says between the exact same, feeling breathless but unable to catch her breath at the same time, “Its not your fault.”

“But you’re right,” Mina sounded pinched, and this time, she brings Dahyun’s face away from her lips, craning her neck up, a silent but loud plea and Dahyun immediately latches on to her neck, melting as she feathers kisses up and down. Mina suppresses a moan, but Dahyun can feel the vibration between her lips.

“I wish I wasn’t right,” Dahyun insisted, “I don’t want anything like that happening to you again.”

She gave an experimental bite, Mina’s fingers tangle into her hair, its a good sign, Dahyun has learned how to pick up on it, because reading Mina had become second nature.

“I’m sorry,” Mina nearly sobs in something between desperation and pleasure, “You were right.”

Dahyun is becoming more and more concerned, dizzy from the information overload and the whiplash of Mina switching right before her eyes.

“Right about what?” Dahyun pulls away for a moment, looking up to see Mina covering her mouth with one of her hands, the one with the wedding band on it. Yet somehow, Dahyun can’t bring herself to care.

“Please,” Mina sounds broken and her cheeks are flushed a shade Dahyun could’ve only imagined up until now, “Please don’t stop-,”

Instead of being uncomfortably pressed against the armrest, they shifted, now Dahyun’s hands keep Mina’s hips pinned beneath her.

“Hey…hey, I won’t-,” Dahyun can’t help but reply gently, because the woman is near tears, muffling her noises with the palm of her hand. Dahyun slides a hand under the oversized t-shirt for reassurance, running a thumb over the smooth skin of Mina’s hip. Its freezing, but the pit of Dahyun’s stomach feels like it’s on fire and Mina isn’t keeping it together any better.

Dahyun takes Mina’s hand, gently pulling it away from her mouth, and pins it above, so that Dahyun is completely straddling Mina, who is laying on the couch squirming beneath Dahyun. “I got you,” Dahyun whispers, leaning it and pressing a flurry of kisses against Mina’s lips. It works, because Mina begins to relax beneath her, intertwining her fingers with Dahyun’s with the hand pinned above her. “Just breathe,” Dahyun continued whispering, trailing back down her neck, giving another gentle bite, this time there was no hand of Mina’s to stop the whine. Dahyun shivers, she knows she’s so close to completely letting go, to completely giving up and basking in these discoveries of the same face she had seen for weeks now.

But the anchor in the center of her chest keeps her at bay.

“I’ll keep going,” Dahyun reassured, dragging her tongue up Mina’s neck, and Mina lets up another squeak, “I promise. But I need you to tell me Mina…as your friend. Don’t lie to me,” She finds begging has become easier, “What else have I been right about?” Its right into the shell of Mina’s ear, so that she has no other choice than to respond.

“He-,” Mina is panting, Dahyun would wait centuries just to experience this all over again, “He…I-,”

“C’mon,” Dahyun plants a less heated kiss to the corner of her lips, grounding her back down, “C’mon Mina. What else has he done?”

Mina’s eyes squeeze shut again, this time Mina is trying to form words, “My arm-,”

Dahyun could practically hear the glass shattering.

“Your…your arm?” Dahyun repeats lowly, letting her hand rise higher up the shirt, feeling Mina’s stomach tense beneath her palm, she can feels ribs and muscles of all sorts. Mina relaxes, melting beneath the touch, giving a nod.

“What about your arm?” Dahyun knew she needed to coax it out of the older woman, “I need you to tell me Mina.”

“I-I didn’t…I didn’t fall-,” Mina managed out, craning her neck up, pleading for contact, which Dahyun found herself unable to deny her at this point, pressing a long kiss to her, before pulling away gently, faces still against one another, “I-He…He…it was an argument-,”

“Okay,” Dahyun nodded, “Tell me more Mina.” Another kiss.

“I was upset. I-I needed to walk away. I told him, but he wouldn’t listen-,”

“Breathe,” Dahyun guided, squeezing Mina’s hand gently, “You’re doing so good, just keep telling me,” She placed gentle kisses along her cheek, “What happened?”

“He wanted me to stay,” Mina’s voice shook, “I-I tried to walk away and he-he grabbed my arm, and tried to pull me back…hard-,”

A dislocated shoulder.

“He dislocated your shoulder,” Dahyun suddenly realized, “He hurt you.”

“You were right,” Mina nearly sobbed, “I-I’m sorry…I-I just-, you…we-,”

“No, no, no,” Dahyun hushed, tugging Mina up again till she sat up, wrapping her up in a tight hug, letting Mina bury her face into her shirt, letting her hands crumple her t-shirt. It didn’t matter, really, in hindsight. The little things felt no different in the big picture.

“Don’t apologize,” Dahyun insists, pulling away just enough to take a look at Mina in this moment. With swollen red lips, and a flushed face. With tears trinkling down her face and exhaustion written all over it. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I lied to you,” Mina whispered, “I lied to you and it was wrong of me to.”

“You lied because you felt like you had to,” Dahyun can’t help but argue her point, “Because, you even said yourself, you know we’re thinking alike. I know for a fact, you want nothing more than to protect me from the horrors of the world. Including your own.”

“I’m sorry,” Mina choked out, her hair a mess and eyes puffy. She had never looked more breathtaking, “I’m sorry I held out for so long. I’m sorry you’re stuck with the burden of knowing-,”

“I wouldn’t want it any other way,” Dahyun had to cut her off, because her professor could recite prose for hours on end if it were up to her, “You can rest now, Mina.”

“Don’t let go,” Mina becomes muffled, burying her face into the crook of Dahyun’s neck, body still trembling from just moments ago, skin flushed but somehow still, always freezing. “I won’t,” Dahyun quietly reassured her, voice long carrying away with the howling wind, “I got you. Don’t worry, I got you.”

And Mina shifted, just enough to look up to Dahyun one more time. Her gaze now softened, wholly innocuous, it felt like it was glowing. And rather than the aching feel of ice freezing over a barren land, the feeling Dahyun had long since grown used to, this felt different. This gaze felt more complete, the thing that seemed to be missing was apparent, but Dahyun still did not quite have the name for it. But rather than ice, Dahyun felt on fire; the entirety of her body swallowed in warmth, tender rays of a honey-colored sun. And nothing else seemed to exist in this brief fleeting moment that felt as permanent as ink, and only she existed beneath her gaze. No computer, no sky, no stars, no students, and most certainly no husband.

Dahyun felt peaceful, knowing this moment only existed between them.

“Don’t let me go,” Mina repeated, shutting her eyes and burying herself rightfully back into the crook of Dahyun’s neck, Dahyun’s arms found themselves wrapping around the curve of Mina’s lower back, adjusting so they laid on the futon, even if the bed was three feet away.

“I got you,” Dahyun whispered, giving a gentle kiss somewhere lost in Mina’s silver hair, “I got you.”

*********

It was never really the same after that, Dahyun knew and long since had accepted. She kissed goodbye a familiarity that very moment.

It was more than just the information she learned that changed. It was how Mina’s gaze never left her during class, the frost of winter now blooming into spring. It was how office hours seemed to only uphold a privilege to Dahyun, and how the door seemed to inch closer and closer to being fully shut. It was how, despite the risks, Mina would reach out, taking Dahyun’s hand in her own, and Dahyun would begin to rub her thumb over Mina’s wedding band. How ironic, she believed, something that was supposed to symbolize commitment was being toyed around in the gentlest way possible.

It was how Dahyun would give her rides home, her house belonging on the upper side of town, the richer side of town. Where everyone had pure green grass and two story homes. With big pearly gates and fancy cars Dahyun didn’t know the name of.

It was how Mina would cup her face, holding her close, pressing lingering kisses to her swollen lips, exhausted and cramped in the car, but still having no desire to leave until the last possible moment.

“Thank you for being such a good friend,” Mina would whisper directly into Dahyun’s ear, pressing a kiss or two or maybe even five to the shell, before tearing herself away.

Friend, Dahyun would scoff, watching Mina’s figure disappear up the street (because Mina begged to not be driven right up front), feeling how her heart would pound and how her ears burned. Some friends they were.

“Question,” Dahyun asked, when Mina was mindlessly scrolling through her emails, and her hand was being cupped by Dahyun’s own. Mina hummed.

“Why silver?”

This caught Mina’s attention, moving away from her office computer to watch Dahyun’s mindless movements. Dahyun already knew, don’t stop, and continued letting her fingers fidget and fiddle with Mina’s own.

“I was going gray,” Mina said simply, “I had gray strands.”

“Grey,” Dahyun mumbled, twirling Mina’s wedding band, “So you were going gray, realized it…and decided to go silver instead?”

“My hair is actually black,” Mina whispered, leaning forward, eyes adverting to the almost entirely closed door a few times before fully relaxing, reaching over to run her free hand through Dahyun’s hair, “About as dark as yours, really. Though, I don’t suppose mine ever shined in the light like yours.”

“Black hair?” Dahyun tried to imagine it, it wasn’t the hardest thing, but it felt strange, an entirely new person she’d never had the privilege of discovering. Mina hummed again, eyes still watching the way her fingers slid down Dahyun’s hair, “It was black up until around your age, perhaps. Maybe when I was a little older.”

“Oh, you were going gray much faster than most,” Dahyun pointed out, “My mom didn’t get grays until her fifties.”

“I’m aware,” Mina rolled her eyes, “It was lovely to hear get pointed out constantly, especially by-,”

She sealed her lips tight, but eyed the ring, which Dahyun still held.

“Oh.”

“And I was sick of it, I suppose,” Mina seemed lost in thought, “Getting told how unruly it looked. How ugly each dead hair strand looked against such dark hair. I got sick of it, I think, sick enough that I figured I couldn’t stop it, but I could make it my own.”

“Like taking it back,” Dahyun realized.

“Gray is ugly and old,” Mina wrinkled her nose, “But silver-,”

“Is beautiful,” Dahyun whispered, “Though, truthfully, hair color doesn’t affect your perceived beauty…in my opinion.”

Mina giggled, it was refreshing and made her look instantaneously ten years younger, if that was even possible. “Quite a charmer,” Mina complimented, patting Dahyun’s cheek.

Dahyun wasn’t really thinking, she supposed, she never really functioned properly in front of her professor. “I’d love to witness your hair gray,” She whispered, “I’d love to exist long enough to see it.”

Mina remained silent. Dahyun didn’t think too much of it, lost in the moment.

*********

“And this?” Dahyun reached out, brushing her thumb over that same unfamiliar scar near Mina’s lip she craved to ask about. It was barely noticeable with the makeup, but Dahyun felt like she could’ve found it with her eyes closed.

“The scar?” Mina mumbled, relaxing into the touch as Dahyun traced the shape of her lips. Dahyun hummed in response. The car was cramped and cold, but Dahyun felt burning beneath her layers of clothes.

“I was a child, I believe,” Mina seemed to focus very hard, scrunching her brows, “My father took me and my brother fishing. I wasn’t interested, I sat somewhere to well…obviously read…a bit further back. The wind was unfortunate, my father and brother weren’t anything memorable with a rod. They flung it back, too far, really, and it hooked onto my lip.”

“Oh my god,” Dahyun gasped, “You got fish hooked?”

“I guess I did,” Mina chuckled, “Well, it was a very long time ago. So long I’ve hardly thought about it these past few years.”

“Did it hurt?”

“I assume it did. I can’t really recall.”

“Did you get stitches?”

“A few,” Mina seemed to remember a bit more, “I think the shock wore off by that point, so yes, I do remember the pain of that.”

“How old were you?”

“Oh, I couldn’t have been more than…seven perhaps? Young but not too young, but young enough.”

“Seven,” Dahyun whispered, “It must feel like a lifetime ago for you.”

“Trying to imply something?” Mina’s eyes wavered, a hint of teasing annoyance with a sly smirk, “You haven’t seemed to mind the age thing at all.”

“Be-because I don’t! I don’t mind it,” Dahyun argued, keeping Mina’s face cupped in her hands, “Things like that don’t matter to me.”

“You’re 21,” Mina chuckled, “That’s a whole lifetime behind me. You have so much to discover.”

“I want to discover it with you,” Dahyun insisted, again not quite paying attention to the silence, “I want to discover everything with you.”

*********

“What happened?”

Mina’s footsteps slowed, till completely stillness, right in front of Dahyun. The bar wasn’t usually busy on a Wednesday night, and it still held its purpose. A nearly barren bar, save for the few who came on a basis that could be concerning.

Dahyun could tell immediately something was wrong, from the sway of Mina’s walk and the bleary focus of her eyes.

“Nothing,” Mina replied hoarsely, “Let’s just order.”

Dahyun knew better. “No,” She slid up from the booth, taking Mina’s hand into her own, “No. Something happened.”

“Nothing is wrong,” Mina argued, but made no effort to pull away as Dahyun dragged them to the restroom, their footsteps echoing down the hall.

“Mina,” Dahyun said expectantly, “Your makeup is smudged.”

“And?”

“You were crying,” Dahyun continued, searching every inch of Mina that she could, though it was hard given the layers she wore because of the cold-

Layers.

“He hurt you,” Dahyun realized, taking Mina’s arm back, hurriedly trying to roll the sleeve up, “He hurt you, didn’t he?”

“Dahyun,” Mina sighed tiredly, just at the moment when purple marks flooded her vision, “Please-.”

There were no words. Dahyun would only stare, down at Mina’s exposed arm, reddish purple marks littering her otherwise untouched skin. Blotchy and fresh, still warm.

Dahyun felt her heart begin to pound.

“What happened?”

“It was nothing-,”

“Tell me.”

“It was a tight grip, okay?” Mina’s tone was exasperated, tugging herself away from Dahyun’s touch, “It was an argument and I didn’t want to deal. But he apparently did, and he grabbed me.”

“He grabbed you?”

“Yes!” Mina snapped, “He grabbed me, he grabbed me hard, and I-I told him it hurt, I-I begged for him to just loosen up but he didn’t want to-,”

“Why did he do that?” Dahyun’s blood boiled, gently taking Mina’s arm back into her cool hands.

“I-I don’t know!” Mina snapped back, but made no move to pull away, “He just-He’s just so angry! And I-I don’t…I just make it worse-,”

“He shouldn’t be hurting you,” Dahyun said stiffly, “It doesn’t matter if you feel like you’re making it better or worse-no hand should ever hurt you.”

“You don’t get it,” Mina bit, shoulders tense, somehow looking more intimidating despite smudged makeup and a thin face, “You never get it-It’s not clear cut reasoning, I-I never make it easier-and he just gets so upset and I-,”

“Stop,” Dahyun shook her head, brushing Mina’s hair away, “Just…just stop. Okay? I’m sorry, but just…just breathe.”

They remained silent, as Dahyun calmed her own breathing by Mina’s own erratic breaths. They stayed together, foreheads against one another, till their breaths synced. Dahyun knew, it was pointless to argue. Maybe it was the age, maybe there was more to this whole thing than just another situation. But really, it felt like every moment she was with the older woman, the life in her eyes just drained a little bit more. That rather, instead of shining, they dimmed. Every incident, every argument, every moment in which he left her in tears, it was sucking more and more of the spark that gave Mina her shine. And no matter how the situation was too be framed, Dahyun could see no point in seeing her husband as someone humane. As someone with a name, with a life before her existence. And why Mina stayed even to now, it made no sense to Dahyun.

But she just didn’t get it, at least, that’s how Mina framed it every single time.

“I’m sorry,” Dahyun repeated, the routine already becoming familiar, “I shouldn’t have pushed it. But…,” She swallowed nervously, “You’re still hurt.”

“I know.” Mina shut her eyes, leaning more into the affection, rolling her head to rest on Dahyun’s slightly shorter shoulder.

“I still want to enjoy the night,” Dahyun offered, “I know you do, too. Please, just let me ask for ice…its free.”

Mina chuckled, Dahyun couldn’t help but plant a kiss to her temple, she was in the perfect position to do it after all. “Alright,” She sighed, caving in and it made Dahyun beam with pride. That she had that sliver of persuasive power to make Mina crack, just a little bit. That it felt as if she mattered more than most, maybe even more than the husband himself.

“C’mon,” Dahyun motioned for the door, already reaching to exit.

“Dahyun-,”

She felt a grip on the end of her shirt.

“Hm?”

“I-,” Mina tried, “He…he told me…don’t bother coming home tonight…”

Dahyun’s heart began to pick up speed, of righteous fury.

“And?” She questioned without looking back, knowing fully well she might burst into tears of frustration, “Did you need a place to stay?”

“…yes.”

“A friend of mine is always welcome,” Dahyun said, feeling Mina’s head rest between her shoulder blades, even if the word friend was beginning to taste more and more bitter. Like it was a bit outdated…a bit old-fashioned.

But that’s how Mina always was, no?

“Thank you,” Mina whispered, planting a kiss right at the nape of her neck.

“What are friends for?” Dahyun said, but it sounded a twinge more bitter than she hoped. But she had a lingering feeling Mina wasn’t quite paying attention to it anyway.

*********

“So why him?”

It was late, the room was spinning as Dahyun laid on her bed, the last of the alcohol barely leaving her mind, everything just a tad slower and foggy.

Mina stared straight up at the ceiling, not daring to move her head, her body heat radiating off so harshly Dahyun didn’t feel the need to bring the blanket over themselves.

“What do you mean?”

“Like…why him? To have his initials engraved into the inner side of your wedding band? Why him?”

Mina blinked, her own eyes dulled with the effects of alcohol, having drank three more glasses than Dahyun herself.

“I can hold my alcohol,” Mina said firmly, requesting her fourth shot, looking just a bit more exhausted.

She looked beautiful in the night, with her hair frizzy and everywhere on the pillow, in Dahyun’s oversized t-shirt (her favorite one at that), her legs stretched out on the bed. Her silver necklace twinkling, resting over her collarbones in a way Dahyun felt like poets of the ancient times would write entire novels about.

She hummed, fingers moving to their own accord, tracing abstract visions into Dahyun’s bare thigh.

“He’s very intelligent,” Mina finally settled on.

“Is that it?” Dahyun scoffed, “No offense, but you have a doctorate’s.”

“I’m aware.”

“So…how was he smart?”

“Everyone has their own domains,” Mina turned to face her, fingers still running their nonsense of tangibility, “Everyone shows intelligence in an aspect unlike others. Some its simple, like math, or art. Others, like you, you probably perceive the world in a way I could never fathom because of music. As for I-well, I doubt my own intelligence, but I have been told literature is my world. And it has been my world, for as long as I can recall.”

“And him?”

“He also studies literature you know.”

“You guys study the same thing?”

“But the way he sees it…,” Mina sighed, and for once in her time knowing her, she sounded near wistful, staring back up to the ceiling, “Its so…unique. To the world. Unlike anything even I would be able to perceive.”

“Why is that so impressive?”

“Its like reading your favorite book,” Mina explained, doing the same scrunch she always did when she was best trying to come up with the perfect analysis, Dahyun had noticed this from months of watching the same expression, “You read, and fall in love. And you reread, and reread, over and over. And each time you read, rather than growing bored-,”

“…You find something new to admire each time,” Dahyun whispered. Remembering a faint conversation from weeks ago.

Mina smiled. Her smile was always so beautiful.

“And now, imagine someone has the exact same favorite book. And you can discuss and see, but now imagine, they explain an entirely different perspective you hadn’t even conceptualized-in your entire time you’ve read and reread and reread this same book.”

“Like,” Mina mused, “Same prescription, different colors. I see blue. He sees red. Together, we see a full picture. One I could have never fathomed without his input. Without his eyes…without him.”

“Its like,” Dahyun considered, “When someone plays the same song, in a different key.”

Mian gave a shy smile, “Perhaps. I assume you mean, same sound, different tones, right?”

“Yeah,” Dahyun gave a shy smile right back.

“So his intelligence is what got you,” Dahyun pushed, feeling her hands shake as Mina turned to face her, wrapping her arms around Dahyun’s waist boldly.

Mina seemed deep in thought, holding Dahyun close, their legs tangling into one another, as Dahyun let her hands tangle into Mina’s hair. She shivered as Mina buried her face forward, beneath Dahyun’s chin. It was quaint, it was quiet. It was loving.

It was peaceful.

“He makes me feel important,” Mina sighed into the affection, her muscle relaxing, “He makes me feel like I matter. When there’s a crowd in the room, it feels freezing almost. In my soul. But when he would look at me, I felt like I was the only woman in the room.”

They always did have the same thoughts, didn’t they?

“He must have been lovely,” Dahyun decided to play nice, “At some point.”

Mina frowned. “He is lovely…,” She quietly argued, “We just…its hard you know.”

“I get rough patches,” Dahyun agreed, “But he hurts you Mina.”

“Only when he’s especially drunk.”

Dahyun used every ounce of her willpower to not drive over there herself.

“But either way, you don’t deserve to be touched like that,” Dahyun begged, “You deserve to be caressed. To be touched with a tenderness like the flowers. Not because you’re weak, but because you’re beautiful. You are stunning in every possible way,” She insisted, taking Mina’s bruised arm, holding it close.

“Since when do you speak in poetry?” Mina teased gently, but Dahyun studied the way the tears pooling in her eyes twinkling like diamonds, priceless jewels only the few and proud could salvage form the pits of the darkest crevices. That’s what Mina felt like, a diamond in the rough. A completely unexpected, unprepared richness that the world just wasn’t ready for. For Dahyun’s eyes only.

Dahyun held Mina’s arm close, pressing gentle, drunk lips to abstract designs of hate. She kept her eyes shut, melting into the moment of kissing away the pain, even if wasn’t quite possible. But this moment was for them only, a chapter only designed for their memories to serve. And no one else. Dahyun liked it that way, for no one else to savor this moment, as she pressed gentle kisses down the bruises, pouring every feeling of love she could muster.

“I believe it happened when I met my muse,” Dahyun finally admitted, looking to see sparkles of diamond trickling down Mina’s eyes.

“You deserve better than someone like me,” Mina said, pulling Dahyun close as she closed the space between them.

I couldn’t imagine anyone but you, Dahyun wanted to say, but was drunk on alcohol and a certain affection, getting lost in the moment as she melted. She twitched, feeling wet, hot tears run over her cheek, pulling away enough to see Mina squeezing her eyes shut.

“I’m sorry,” Mina mumbled, foreheads resting against each other, “I’m sorry. I just-,”

“Its okay.”

“What do I do so wrong?” Mina mumbled, pressing another kiss to Dahyun’s lips, lingering. “What do I do that makes him react this way?”

“I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong-,”

“But he…he never was like this,” Mina sniffled, “He was tender and affectionate. And when he looked at me…it felt like I was the only woman in the room. What’s wrong with me?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

“I’m sorry,” Mina repeated, cupping Dahyun’s face and kissing her on every inch she could reach, “I need you to know, I’m not worth it in the end.”

“You’re worth everything,” Dahyun insisted, holding Mina by the waist and pulling her close, “You’re worth every moment I’ve ever spent with you. I spent a lifetime not even knowing of you, and here I am, unable to imagine a life without you in it. I’m not him. I’m not hateful. I’m not angry. I see you, and I see something worth protecting. Worth saving in every lifetime.”

Mina scoffed, a bitter chuckle leaving her lips, “I’m not. But do me a favor?”

“Anything for you.”

“Make me feel like I was worth it,” She begged, “Make me feel like I make you feel like the only person in the room.”

You already do, Dahyun thought, but lost herself in the moment once more, you already do.

*********

Perhaps Dahyun should have been better at connecting the dots. At correlating situations and realizing there was a recurring theme that was either going to repeat all on its own, or completely destroy itself.

She hoped it was the former. But deep within, she knew it’d be the latter.

She knew it’d be fleeting, she knew it wouldn’t last in the way she had somehow convinced herself it would.

Whatever it was this man had over her, killed her.

“No office hours,” Mina quipped to the class, Dahyun found it strange she wore sunglasses the entire period.

“My eyes are irritated,” Mina explained at the beginning of class, “So to keep from making them worse, I put eyedrops and sunglasses. No further questions.”

It wouldn’t have been the biggest issue, cancelled office hours and a tired disposition. But maybe Dahyun had developed a sort of addiction to the distant taste of menthols and honey, and this addiction needed to be quelled as often as possible. So the moment Mina turned her back to the class, and was the first one out of the door, alarms went off.

“Professor,” Dahyun called out, watching her figure hurriedly walk down the hall, “Professor-,”

“I said no hours Miss Kim.”

Miss Kim.

Dahyun tsked, feeling the frustration boil, briskly following the path, the exact familiar path she had been taking every other day no less. She knew Mina could feel it, she knew Mina knew exactly what was happening. She made no move to stop it, the smallest part of her mind hoping this meant something.

She should have known better.

“Mina,” Dahyun opened the door, seeing Mina with her sunglasses still on, running her fingers over her temples.

“Its Professor Myoui,” Mina said coldly, “I’m not sure where the disrespect is coming from.”

Another irk. Dahyun scowled, shutting the door behind her till she heard a click.

“Miss Kim, really?” Dahyun scoffed, annoyance apparent in her tone, “Are you really going with that right now?”

“We’re on school grounds-,”

“And you having your tongue shoved down my throat fifteen hours ago doesn’t give me some sort of exception? No peculiarity? No deviation from the norm? Given that we’re, you know, not the average professor-student relationship?”

“Why are you here?” Mina disrupted, sounding just as exasperated as Dahyun felt. “And stop talking about fifteen hours ago. That was fifteen hours ago. This is now.”

“Were you just really going to stick with the eye allergy story?” Dahyun tried to keep her voice steady, “Just seriously? Did you really think I’d believe that?”

“Students don’t need to know about personal matters.”

“But I’m not just a student!” Dahyun felt the pressure behind her chest, making her heart feel like it was going to implode within herself, “I’m not just a fucking student in your class for an hour and fifteen minutes every other day! I’m not Miss Kim, I’m Kim Dahyun, I’m Dahyun.”

“…That’s enough Miss K-,”

“Don’t,” Dahyun felt her voice drop, “Don’t finish that sentence.”

She took a step towards the desk, Mina remained in her seat. She swallowed the lump forming at the base of her throat, emotion overriding her typically calm demeanor.

“I have, endlessly, listened to your voice. In class, outside of class. I have always, always submitted to your tone. I have listened and held you in every way you’ve asked, and never once questioned it. I’ve listened to you speak endlessly of your husband, this, this guy, who I’ve only ever seen shitty things from.”

The space shortened between them, each sentence Dahyun uttered leaving a smaller and smaller distance. Mina remained statuesque, not daring to move a muscle. But Dahyun saw the way her jaw clenched, holding back impeding words that could cut Dahyun worse than her own tongue. It was dangerous, it was risky, it was throwing away everything she had been building.

But Dahyun was already so utterly sick of it.

“So no, you’re not going to call me Miss Kim. You’re not going to kick me out of this office. You’re not going to act like none of this happened hours later. You’re right, its now. The moment is right fucking now. And I’m going to tell you right now, if I don’t get the truth from you…you’d…you’d be a really fucking shitty friend…”

She was at the foot of the chair, Mina stared up, waiting. Her heart racing, her hands shaking. Her breathing threatening to go into overdrive at any moment. But Mina waited, patiently, silently. No further daring words, no arguments. She simply waited, looking up slightly, Dahyun could only imagine her staring up right into her eyes. Her eyes only.

“Go on then,” Mina spoke, the same tone of twinged neutrality coming back up almost naturally.

“I will,” Dahyun spat back, ignoring the shake of her hands, and taking the tips of the sunglasses, pulling them back slowly. Stands of silver hair fell along with it, caressing and framing perfectly over a porcelain face.

Except for the daunting, freshly purpled bruise, right beneath her right eye.

“Fucking hell,” Dahyun felt the laugh of disbelief leave her lips before she could stop herself, dropping the sunglasses on the desk with a faint clink. She ran fingers through her hair, as if it would clear the zooming thoughts in her mind. As if it would stop the room from spinning full speed as it was right now.

“He hit you,” She stuttered, “He-He fucking hit you, didn’t he?”

Mina remained quiet.

“This…this is abuse,” Dahyun insisted, “I mean, its been abuse. But this, he hit you. Not pulled you too hard, not grabbed you too hard-he hit you. Intentionally.”

“I know,” Mina’s voice was raspy.

“You need to make a report,” Dahyun decided, too many thoughts to process infiltrating her mind, “You need-we need to call someone. You need to get away. You need to hide-,”

“I’m not doing any of that,” Mina said simply, as Dahyun only blinked.

“I-I’m sorry, what?”

“I said,” Mina straightened up, “I’m not doing any of that.”

Dahyun could only stand and stare. “But…but why? Mina, this is a serious situation-,”

“I never said I needed help.”

“And? You need it either way.”

“I didn’t ask for your help.”

“And you think you need permission for someone to care-?”

“Is this what you wanted?” Mina spat, finally rising from her seat, her heels giving her the illusion of height, and her position of power coming back full force, “Is this what you so desperately demanded to see? This?” She motioned to the bruise, “This stupid thing? This is what you wanted to see?”

Dahyun wanted to shrink away. A part of her did, at least. The other part, seethed in anger.

“Yes.”

“Why?” Mina asked, running her hands over her face before hissing in pain, “Why? Fucking why? Why can’t you listen? Why?”

Dahyun reeled. “Listen? Me?” She questioned, “I did everything, everything you told me to do.”

“You couldn’t listen right now?” Mina shook her head, “You couldn’t just let me handle this? Let me deal on my own?”

“What would you have done?” Dahyun asked.

“Nothing!” Mina snapped, “Absolutely nothing!”

“And that’s why I couldn’t let you do it on your own.”

“I don’t know where this attitude is coming from, but I didn’t asked to be taken care of. I didn’t ask for you to stay with me this whole time-,”

“Yet a few nights ago, you were asking-no, begging me to not stop-,”

“That was hours ago!” Mina’s face burned. “This is now! Now! Right now, I don’t need you impeding on my own issues! I did this to myself-I caused this!”

“Your husband hitting you isn’t you fault!” Dahyun couldn’t help but laugh in disbelief, feeling ridiculous in the entirety of the situation, “I don’t know why you can’t just-just believe me-,”

“You don’t get it-,”

“What don’t I fucking get?!” Dahyun finally felt the dam snap, waves of anger washing over her in that moment, not entirely sure where to channel it to, “What? What don’t I get? Love is pain? Love is bruises? Love is tears and crying and hurt and hopelessness?”

“Ten years I’ve been with him,” Mina’s eyes twinkled with beautiful, painful tears, “And I have so desperately done everything to stay in his orbit, in his priorities. And I don’t know why he suddenly acted like this-,”

“Because he doesn’t really love you!” Dahyun finally yelled.

“You don’t have any right to say that!” Mina yelled back, a full force yell that made Dahyun stumble a bit, a facet of Mina she had never seen before, even if she thought she had seen every inch of her there was to know, “You don’t know anything, anything, about my life! About our life! About the decades I have sacrificed to make it work!”

Dahyun briefly wondered if this was the same yelling she did to her husband when they argued.

“I’m saying what I see,” Dahyun quieted her voice down, “I’m telling you Mina. Love shouldn’t hurt. Love shouldn’t be painful. Love shouldn’t make you hide.”

She could feel the tears threatening to fall, doing everything in her willpower to keep them at bay. Not right now, not at this moment.

“But I love him-,”

“And I love you!” Dahyun finally, finally snapped, not giving a single shit about whether anyone else around would hear. “Did you ever think about that Mina?! I love you! I have loved you, from the moment I saw you walk into your classroom! Every single moment since then! From your eyes that make me think of honey and your hair that reminds me of the winter. From the way your beauty reminds me of timelessness and eternity. From your long winded explanations to your book collection. From your disgusting drinks and your menthol addiction. I love it all, I love all of you, I love you.”

The tears fell, Dahyun could feel how they burned her cheeks. She could taste the slight salt on her lips.

“Dahyun…,” Mina trailed off, “I’m not…I’m not the one you should fall in love with.”

“Well I did,” Dahyun admitted once more, “And I’m begging you Mina. I can help you. I can get you away from him. From his abuse and his yelling. I know its not much, I know you think I might just be a kid. But he doesn’t know where I live, and I just…I need you safe-,”

“I can’t just uproot my life Dahyun,” Mina pleaded, “You shouldn’t love me Dahyun.”

“And you think I asked for this?” Dahyun scoffed, a smile creeping on her expression, even through the tears, because the entirety of it all was beginning to feel a little too much for her to comprehend, “You think I chose for this?”

“No,” Mina quickly replied, “No, that’s not it at all Dahyun. No, I know you didn’t force this to happen. But I just…Dahyun, I have a life outside of this. I have friends. Family. Siblings. I have mapped out my entire life ages ago, and I never intended to change it.”

“And where does that leave me?” Dahyun choked out, words beginning to come out strained, “Where was I in all of this? Just a friend? A shoulder to cry on? Someone you wanted to use for your own benefit?”

“No I-,”

“Did you even ever think about me?” Dahyun practically begged, “Did you ever go home to him, and think of me? Did you stay up, unable to sleep, replaying our conversations in your head? Rethinking every single thing you uttered? Wishing time would stop for just a moment, so I could remember it even better than I was trying?”

“I think of you all the time,” Mina breathed out, shoulders slumping in defeat, “I wish I didn’t. I wish I was still begging for him to look at me, instead of trying to find you in the crowd.”

“Why is it such a bad thing?” Dahyun pleaded, “Why is it so bad to look for me, when I just want to be seen by you and you only? What’s so bad about longing for you? Why can’t you let me love you?”

“I’ve seen this before Dahyun,” Mina admitted, “Whether you want to hear it or not, I’ve heard this tune, and I dread knowing how it ends.”

“It could end differently,” Dahyun walked over, taking Mina’s hands in her own, “I don’t have anything to lose.”

“But I have everything,” Mina sobbed, tears now falling from both their eyes, though Dahyun couldn’t help but feel like they fell so elegantly off of Mina’s almost perfectly unblemished cheeks, “Why can’t you get that? You have your whole life ahead of you, you have time. I don’t. I spent about ten years building it up, I can’t spend another ten breaking it all down.”

Dahyun reached up, gently rubbing her thumb over the fresh bruise, watching as Mina tensed beneath the touch, before slowly relaxing.

“I could love you differently,” Dahyun tried.

“I know you could.”

“I would do everything I could to keep myself in your orbit.”

“I know.”

“I would burn him just to keep you warm.”

“And I would feel more loved in that moment than I may have in my entire life.”

“So why not?”

Mina bit her lip, trying to keep the tears at bay. It proved useless, tears freshly falling over the same spots, leaving faint streak marks, the bruise looking even worse than it did seconds ago.

“Dahyun, if I could go back in time, with the knowledge I know now, I need to express that my life would be entirely different than it is now. Because with what I know now, I would know what I needed to avoid. Tell me this, if you were to go back to the beginning of the semester, knowing you’d end up right where we are, would you do it all again?”

The answer should have been simple, but Dahyun was always a bit stubborn like that.

“I’d go through entire lifetimes over and over again if it meant being able to be caught in your gaze for a moment of that time.”

Mina wanted to melt, she could see it in the way her eyes shined.

“You are young,” Mina instead whispered, using one hand to cup Dahyun’s cheek, “You are young and foolish Kim Dahyun.”

“I don’t care,” Dahyun could feel her voice cracking, “I don’t care if you find me immature or stupid or weird. Maybe it isn’t as clear as I think, but what matters is I know what I’m feeling is entirely real. Its real and true and I’ll hold onto that for as long as I can.”

“You’d be a hell of a lot happier to just let it go. To let me go.”

“I-I can’t.”

“You have to,” Mina pleaded, “We have to. Love…love is more complicated than saying I love you and happily ever after. It’s…it’s ugly. Its uncomfortable. Its going to hurt.”

“So…so you’re breaking me because why? Because love just hurts like that?”

“I’m doing it because of how much I love you,” Mina whispered, leaning in to when their lips nearly brushed, “I’m doing this because if I don’t; I’ll lose a husband. A lifetime of experiences. A history. And a friend.”

“And if you do this, I’ll lose my everything,” Dahyun could feel the sob building up, “Please Mina. I’ve done everything, I just…I just want you to love me back. In the way that matters most.”

Dahyun shook, feeling Mina’s arms wrap around her shoulders, pulling her into a hug. A hug that was more than just that. It was affection, sorrow, desperation. It hurts more than it felt good, and all Dahyun could do was simply snake her arms around Mina’s waist, holding her close and tight. For as long as a fleeting moment could feel like eternity.

“It feels a bit like that, doesn’t it Dahyun?” Mina mused, her voice just tickling near her ear, “It feels like, once you leave the room, your life is over. It feels like that, at 21, right? That this love will be the only thing that really mattered. Your love is fresh Dahyun. Your love is peculiar, its special. And in your lifetime, you’ll love more than just who you love at 21.”

“I can’t imagine loving anyone else,” Dahyun felt her tears drip down her nose, onto Mina’s satin shirt, “I-i don’t think I could.”

“I believe I thought the same way,” Mina sighed, “But please, know what happened…I-I can’t let it happen. Not anymore. You’re too young, I’m too stuck. You deserve to flourish. You deserve to be loved in the way you deserve to be loved. You…you shouldn’t have to feel like a person only if I look at you. And…and I’m sorry. I held you too close and got too close and felt too much. And these things…they’re not healthy Dahyun. I know this now.”

“So that’s it?” Dahyun asked, when the office felt entirely too quiet to be peaceful, “That’s all? Its done? You’re telling me its over? And its over?”

“I…Yes. Yes, Dahyun. Its over. It’s done. I…I’m sorry. I got too comfortable. I got too close. That’s entirely my fault. I’m sorry.”

The tears blinded Dahyun’s vision at this point. “So what? You just…you just never loved me? None of this ever mattered to you?”

“It meant more to me than you’ll ever realize,” Mina pleaded, “That’s why I have to say…I-I can’t love you the way you love me. I never will. I never could.”

“You just-you can’t…I-,” Dahyun stumbled through her words, sniffling and trying to get her thoughts to straighten out, “You can’t just throw away something like this.”

“But yet, here I am. Doing just that.”

And they never describe to you what heartbreak feels like. They only tell you the after. The heaviness in the center in your chest that feels like you can’t breathe. The tears that don’t stop when you arrive home. The endless void that follows in the aftermath. But they don’t tell you in the moment. How thinking of the next day feels pointless. How everything you were convinced would be true becomes just another passing dream of imagination. How you don’t even feel quite in your body, unable to really process the emotionality, as if your physical body is doing everything in its power to protect you from true emotional injury. How for a moment, you question whether any of that actually happened. How you will never feel a freezing temperature as cold as this moment, and will never experience a void as deep and dark as this one that eats away at the center of your chest, until your whole soul is taken in it.

And maybe its a bit dramatic to say, but at 21, for Kim Dahyun, this is exactly what it felt like. Because Myoui Mina had, in fact, become her entire world. And how exactly do you just break away from the universe you’ve built based on this one person?

“Fuck you Mina,” Dahyun spat out, with as much bitterness as she could muster, remembering disgusting tasting old-fashioned and the nicotine of an addiction she never asked for, “Just…just fuck you. Fuck this. I can’t…I just…whatever.”

“Goodbye Dahyun.”

Dahyun did not respond.

The door slammed shut.

*********

Professor Myoui did not come back the next semester. Dahyun noticed this, because her office no longer had her name engraved on a plaque, nor was her office full of warm lights and an endless collection of books. It ripped at her more than she cared to admit. Where she went, Dahyun would never know.

Old-fashioned somehow become tolerable. Menthol cigarettes still smelled pleasant but burned when she tried to smoke them. A secondhand addiction. As if her flavor for life had become just a bit more muted. A bit less sweet. Maybe it was the pain of growing, Dahyun found herself musing quite often these days, to lose the sweet flare for life you have when you’re still young.

Objectively, Dahyun still had the rest of her life to live. But she’d be lying if she didn’t say it was hard to fathom the next day. Or any day after that. But, she assumed, she’d learn. Because just like (begrudgingly) as Mina whispered, life really did not end that day in the office. Even if Dahyun sobbed the second she got into her car. Even if she punched a wall and nursed the pain with a bottle of some bitter alcohol she did not know the name of. Life continued, she still had classes, and grades. Life continued, even when Dahyun was plagued with endless nightmares of what exactly would become of Mina after all of this. When she’d wake up in a cold sweat, images of bruises littering her vision.

Perhaps that was the downside to memories served only for her to remember. No one would understand. There was a stark loneliness realizing everyone would remember Professor Myoui, but only she’d remember Mina.

Mina. Her name still sounded so beautiful. A distant flavor, one Dahyun never quite got the taste of.

“You hear about Professor Myoui?” A classmate conversed while picking up lunch.

“Huh?” Dahyun snapped out of her thoughts.

“The literature professor, the Japanese transfer?”

Her heart ached. “What about her?” She lulled, feigning disinterest in hopes she would actually feel it eventually.

“She left back for Japan,” The woman whispered, “Something about her husband insisting they left.”

Oh.

“I just thought she got another job,” Dahyun shrugged.

“Nah,” The woman shook her head, wrinkling her nose, “Apparently her and her husband’s marriage was falling apart. I think moving back home was their only option.”

“Well…at least they’re trying, right?”

“Hell nah,” The woman shook her head again, “Nah like…if anything I pity the professor.”

“How come?”

“You don’t know?”

Dahyun was agitated. “Don’t know what?”

“Like…her husband is like…twenty years older than her.”

“What’s wrong with age gaps?” Dahyun couldn’t help but immediately feel her walls rising, defensiveness in her tone. But just as soon as the words left her lips, did she recall a conversation.

“But we dated starting when I was 20 and he is my husband, I have chosen to love him as a husband for ten years, for five before, and perhaps even decades after. We fight and try to make it work. So is life.”

“So…so 20 and 40,” Dahyun spoke weakly, “What…what’s so bad about it?”

“Well, maybe it another context I wouldn’t pay so much attention,” The woman explained, “But I just get especially uncomfortable given that he was her literature professor when they started dating.”

They never tell you about the second time it feel like your world is stopping. Dahyun stared at her food, feeling as if the floor was slowly growing further and further away. As if her soul was being sucked out of her body, doomed to keep afloat and never quite ever letting her experience life in the way most would.

“Its just like…the dynamic just feels a bit off,” The woman continued, “I get university has more agency, but still, the dynamic exists.”

“I did everything, everything you told me to do.”

“I guess I can see how that could mess everything up,” Dahyun mumbled weakly, not really feeling hunger anymore, “She must have thought the world of him because of that.”

“He makes me feel important.”

“Poor professor,” The woman said sadly, “I hope she finds a way out.”

“Yeah,” Dahyun choked out, wondering if Mina was staring at the same sky, “I hope so too.”

*********

No one tells you when it happens, you just know. When everything seems to align so perfectly you can’t help but wonder if it was perhaps fate. It was fate, choosing to sit in such a specific seat. She knew this, because she preferred to not have people sitting beside her. An empty seat on either side of her, one to hold her bag and the other to set her jacket on. Not that anyone would really want to sit next to her, in general. That’s just how it always had been.

True to her word, the class slowly filed in, taking their seats elsewhere, never sparing a glance. Not even a glance…not even a fleeting moment in which she perhaps momentarily existed in someone’s life that made it feel like she matter, just for that brief alignment.

Class began.

Then he walked in.

He, with neatly trimmed sides, perfectly lined up to compliment his pristine facial structure. With the slightest wave, the longer part of his hair reaching just to his eyebrows, dark with strips of white littered between. Like salt and pepper, one specific strand that curled right near his eyebrow. His skin was tanned, with a light stubble. His eyes, a beautiful color of coffee with creamer. Just the right shade of brown. His eyes roaming the class, but never glancing; stark and strict with age. With a strong jawline and the lines that come from the sun and age and perhaps even wisdom lining his forehead and cheeks.

He wore a tan tweed jacket, the collar of a white button up peaking from his dark brown sweater vest. His slacks were fitted, making him even taller than he looked, shoes tapping against the linoleum tile. He wore round glasses, holding a black leather briefcase that looked like it had seen better days, but he held it proudly, for all to see. He was all things autumn and the cool breeze that came along with it, just like the orange leaves falling outside the classroom, when the breeze was especially strong.

She felt a shiver run up her spine, as if an endless autumn had strode into the classroom, the entirety of the bright, white lights feeling as if they became pure yellow, warm and welcoming, shining against his tanned skin. Her eyes followed, each step he took, to the front of the classroom, setting his briefcase down on the desk. She watched, eyes never leaving, too busy letting them dance down orange leaves and coffee-colored eyes.

The class remained silent, not a single fidget from the small group, as the man began to open his briefcase, shuffling through a stack of papers, color-coated and organized. In this entirety of his time, not once had his eyes even so as much as flickered to his cohort, who awaited a command, a single command, or perhaps even just a sound. instead, they basked in silence, the shuffling of papers filling in the empty space.

Myoui Mina watched, simply. Admiring the beauty before her, a feeling of uneasiness crawling up her stomach, clawing at her throat.

“Alright,” The man finally spoke, his voice angelic and soothing, lulling Mina deeper into the pit she found herself falling into, his eyes still eyeing his papers, “Hello.”

A murmur of greetings followed.

“My bad for running behind schedule,” He brought his glass away from his face, tucking them into his inner coat pocket, lines of slight age lining his perfect features, “I got a bit carried away in my previous lecture.”

A student raised their hand, one he took notice of; eyes finally landing on the lone student, a wave of envy pulsating through Mina’s mind. With a quick motion of his hand, the man gave the student permission to speak.

“I hear you’re the hardest professor on campus, is that true?”

He beamed. “Maybe I am,” He shrugged, “I’ve been hear for three years now. Once you learn, you only want to improve.”

What was his name?

“My name,” The professor glanced around the room, but not once turning to watch Mina, something that made Mina squirm just a little in her seat.

“You may call me Professor Sato. As literature students, I assume you all have an idea of how this system will work. Five major assignments, along with three exams. I have patience, but I also have expectations, and I have no problem failing students I feel are not meeting expectation.”

Professor Sato.

Mina whispered the name along the lines of her lips, feeling the way they pressed together, how smoothly the name flew out, even without a sound. Sato. The rest of the professor’s words faded out, Mina could only focus on the movement of his lips, and his beautiful, kind eyes.

“-And with that, do I have any questions to answer?”

Then it happened. His eyes, just like the first cup of coffee in the morning, a twinge of tiredness circling the outer parts of his irises, which had begun its course of glancing over to each individual student, as if taking them in fully since arriving at the room. Taking just a mere second to perhaps get the gist of who each one was, the color of their hair and the expression plastered onto their faces. Like time had slowed down, Mina could only quell the shiver running up her spine when they glanced over to her, finally, for the very first time since realizing this man existed (which, was only just mere minutes ago. But it already felt like a lifetime).

He glanced down to Mina, Mina could feel the way his eyes seemed to break down every piece of her body and maybe even deeper, somewhere buried within the depths of her soul. As if peeling every layer of Myoui Mina there was to know, some parts she may not have even known herself. From the top of her hair, down the slope of her nose, over her body (Mina shivered), to the ends of her heels.

“Nothing?” Professor Sato repeated, but rather than looking to the rest of the room, he remained watching Mina, a small smile playing on his lips. Mina squirmed, internally, feeling so very small beneath his eyes. Instead of forming a coherent answer, Mina could only shake her head.

“Well, alright,” Professor Sato shrugged, finally looking away from the lonely spot Mina sat between. Reality came crashing hard, when he strolled off, to the other side of the room, leaving Mina abandoned on an island she really had no idea how she ended up on. The breath Mina didn’t realize she had been holding was released, her tense body finally relaxing.

The class lulled on.

Mina had never felt lonelier, or as freezing as she felt in this very moment. All she could focus on was the warmth of coffee-colored eyes, aching for them to take her all in at once again.

It didn’t happen for the rest of class.

Him, Myoui Mina, at age 20, had decided, I want him.