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"Peur qu'la vie me laisse des traces ou pire, qu'elle me rende méchante
Peur des rides, du temps qui passe, de devenir une étoile flippante"Étoile flippante, Hoshi
The sun was slowly beginning to slide down towards the horizon when Aether completed his day’s last commission.
The task itself wasn’t anything strenuous, neither were the ones he did earlier. Yet still, a deep languor weighed his limbs and thoughts down. He let himself fall down on the Fontainian grass and stared blankly at the sky.
The routine of doing Adventurers’ Guild missions was seriously taking its toll on him. And when it wasn’t the daily grind driving him madder with weariness day after day, he could always expect a calamity, a plot or deadly fights against gods in order to drain the remainder of his energy – and then some. At this point Aether was almost tempted to consider all those incidents as part of his routine as well…
He sighed and decided to go back to town to report his work to Katheryne.
♦♦♦
“Thank you for completing today's commissions. Here is your reward.”
Aether waved to the receptionist then went on his way.
Now that the only activity keeping him more or less sane was done, he didn’t really know how to use his spare time. He already knew most shops, cafes or restaurants too well; he recognised most faces in the streets, at least by sight. Nonetheless, they were only strangers to Aether. Yes, he did met interesting people and forged a few relationships more complex than mere acquaintances, but… He just couldn’t regard his journey as an ordinary trip and just enjoy his visits anymore. Not for a long time, already. Probably since Inazuma.
As a traveler who’s been roving from one world to another for millennia, one would expect he wouldn’t let himself be dejected by such hardships. After all, he already witnessed so many similar things in the course of his long life. But never without his sister.
Not once did he imagine going anywhere without Lumine. The sole idea was so absurd. Yet, here he was, alone, for years now. Lonely like he never ever felt before his arrival in Teyvat.
Not matter how many friends he’d made here these past years, he knew he wouldn’t be able to get rid of this sour feeling of loneliness. Not until he had found Lumine again. Not until everything returned to normal.
Considering that it’s even possible, he thought, morose.
Lost in thoughts, his feet led the way back to his hotel. Maybe he should buy one of the latest detective novels in vogue, on the way? He would try anything to get to distract himself.
While he made a stop to see his purpose through, Aether got the unmistakable impression that someone was observing him. He didn’t fret straight away, he was used to attract some curiosity with his reputation and his otherworldly outfit. But upon turning away with his book decided on and paid, he immediately noticed a silhouette he was no stranger to.
Oh.
He… wasn’t sure he wanted to see this person right now. Not sure he could.
Lyney grinned at him, as charming and smug as usual, though the traveler now knew this to be a façade he adorned like a second nature. Aether briefly thought back about their stay at the Fortress of Meropide, ended only a few weeks ago.
He also thought back about the rainbow rose he kept preciously in his hotel room.
Aether hesitated long enough for his uneasiness to be easily noticed by the magician.
He inhaled slowly and forced himself to give him a stiff but genuine smile in return. However, he didn’t go meet him and hastily picked up his way to his lodgings without a glance back.
He would have sworn he felt the warmth of the magician’s vision seeping into his nape.
♦♦♦
After several minutes trying to focus on his new reading in vain, Aether threw it down on the bed and heaved an irritated sigh.
He hated being like this. Tired, yet, too agitated to rest. Let alone concentrating on anything. His mind was out of control.
I probably should have greeted him properly, he thought, a little guilty.
His relations with Lyney and Lynette had really gotten better though, since the day of their trial. Since Aether’s… slight overreaction in response to their omission. He was still feeling somewhat sheepish when remembering, even if they didn’t seem to resent him – at least, they didn’t show it.
Aether had never really been crossed with them. He just got carried away by his emotions and didn’t find the courage to take it upon himself. Their lies were only the final straw. Oh, how easy has it been to shove all of his suffering in their faces with the convenient excuse of their affiliations with the fatui.
He had been careless, haunted by the stifling absence of his sister. He clung to the pair like a drowning man to a buoy. It was ridiculous. Who was he to demand a flawless behaviour? He who was close to Childe. He, who forgave Wanderer – Wanderer! – for his countless crimes and everything he made Aether endure. Not to mention the hundreds of times he reached out to fatui minions with no hesitation.
Aether sighed, frustrated by his own weaknesses when it was about his demeanour. An extra millennium wouldn’t suffice to improve his character…
And to add insult to injury, he didn’t even apologise. Nor he explained himself. No, he deliberately let stupid unsaid things up in the air. He imagined the disapproving and exasperated face Lumine would have made if she was here.
But she was not.
No, he wasn’t crossed with the twins at all.
He was dying to blame it all on his sister. (How dared she let him completely in the dark?)
In reality, his ire and grudge were mainly aimed at the invisible forces of this sodding world.
He resented this wretched goddess.
He resented Teyvat.
♦♦♦
Just as he was about to leave his room to face a new day, Aether marked a pause, his grip on the handle.
He stared down the few letters scattered on the tiny table as if they had insulted his sister. He had yet to answer most of those since his time in the Fortress. Especially one. The guilt was relentlessly gnawing at him.
Aether sighed and went out to drown himself in stupid commissions.
I’ll answer later, he thought, for the umpteenth time this past month.
♦♦♦
The traveler let the water carry him on its surface as he smiled to the two little otters doing the same beside him.
If there was one thing Aether liked about Fontaine, it was water. It sounded ridiculous when he put it like that, but his marine excursions always had a soothing effect since his arrival. It felt like he was embraced by those oceanic arms. Dangerous but protective.
He could spend hours underwater. The dense atmosphere was muffling sounds as if to temporarily shelter him from his anguish. Moreover, the underwater fauna proved to be way less hostile than most places he had gotten the opportunity to visit. (How many times did he lose all notion of time while listening to a blubberbeasts’ concert?).
This day promised to be a rather lovely one. These few last weeks, several nights plagued by nightmares had prevent his obnoxious mood from lightening up. His subconscious forced him to relive pieces of happy past moments shared with his sister, before harshly wresting them from him; plus the countless samsaras he endured fighting against Shouki no Kami. Every now and then, he was still able to feel the lethal pain of every failure; witnessed Nahida die, again and again.
Then he met Mamère, discovered Merusea village, and all this time spent helping the little melusines did wonder to appease him. Aether loved their peculiarities, so different from humans’. It offered him a pleasant change of scenery that he hadn’t felt since his adventures alongside the aranaras. Though he liked most people he came across during his life, human beings could be remarkably exhausting at times…
After that, nightmares began to fade, their violence weakened, little by little. Until they practically went back lurking in the meanders of his psyche. This morning, after a night finally dreamless and restful, he got up before dawn to contemplate the sunrise, his energy rekindled.
The only thing now pulling him out of his morning dip was the emptiness of his stomach. The noise startled the otters and they fled immediately.
Aether cackled, for once feeling light then he started swimming leisurely towards the shore. He let out a small waft of anemo energy in order to dry himself and set on finding the nearest aquabus station.
He chatted with the melusine in charge of the shuttle the whole trip, pausing only because of the impatient rumbling of his belly. He was distractedly dreaming about croissants and hot chocolate but he still waited patiently, enjoying the view and the sensation of the sunbeams on his skin.
When he finally got off in town, he headed towards café Lutèce with a lively eagerness.
But his pace immediately faltered when he noticed two persons already settled at a table.
Two persons he meticulously – shamefully – avoided since he encountered Lyney at the kiosk, a few weeks ago.
Karma then forced him to take the blame for his cowardice and he saw one of Lynette’s ears twitch in his direction. The young woman turned around without caution nor care, fixing him with her usual unfathomable expression. Of course, Lyney soon followed his sister’s eyes and his own widened very briefly.
Aether stopped breathing for a long second as if it could turn him invisible. But Lyney didn’t gave him any chance to react and threw big greeting gestures his way, true to the customary flourish of his thespian persona.
“Traveler! How delightful to see you here in this young and lovely day! You’re not in a hurry, I hope? Come join us!”
...How could he decline? He had the feeling that the entirety of Fontaine had heard him.
He chastised himself internally and walked to the twins in a few strides that he hoped appeared normal and not stiff like they actually were.
“...Hello you two, how are you doing?” Aether asked, a sheepish smile on his face. He begged any merciful enough deity to keep his voice from quivering.
Lynette just kept staring at him for a few more seconds – Aether accepted it as an extra punishment – before she nodded slightly.
“We are well, thank you. It’s been a while since our last encounter,” she added, a glint in her eyes emphasising the barely concealed disapproval.
“Well, yes, sorry I was a bit… busy lately,” he answered, holding back an abashed wince as best he could.
“Hm, I don’t doubt it.”
Lynette was not fooled and Aether really wasn’t proud of himself.
“Come now, we’ll be able to catch up while eating, won’t we? Sit down, Aether, I’m getting your order,” Lyney offered, using his charming manners and already standing up.
“Ah– That’s very kind of you but–”
“One large cup of hot chocolate without sugar, one bulle fruit, two croissants and one pain au chocolat?” Lyney interrupted him with an innocent smile.
Aether could easily presume his expression was anything but innocent, that he was suppressing his satisfaction and air of triumph. He saw it in his eyes.
“...Correct. I’m not going to ask how you did it,” Aether sighed, smiling despite himself.
“Why, magic of course, mon cher!” he said winking mockingly.
Lyney laughed when Aether raised an unimpressed eyebrow, knowing he was making fun of him. Then he walked away to place and retrieve the traveler’s order.
Suddenly, the lack of Lyney’s theatrical aura made Aether fully realise the way Lynette never ceased to stare at him. He cleared his throat and sat down hurriedly, thinking anxiously over what he was about to say.
“...Lynette, I’m sorry if I–”
“No need to apologise. At least not to me.”
Her voice was as calm and monotone as always but he was well aware she was expecting some explanations. Explanations he owed them, obviously.
“I insist, I am really sorry. I… I didn’t exactly lie, I’ve had a difficult time, recently. Mentally, I mean,” he added, his gaze lost in the void momentarily.
He didn’t even know where to begin. Or rather, he was attempting to gather his courage to speak his mind to the twins.
Lynette nodded again silently and simply resumed taking a bite of her pastry as if nothing was amiss.
Aether wrung his hands nervously, at a loss as to what to add. He chose to just wait for Lyney’s return, focusing on not letting his leg fidget too impatiently.
The magician didn’t made them wait too long and he put Aether’s breakfast down in front of him, like a butler from a gastronomic restaurant.
“Bon appétit, très cher.” he said, visibly very proud of himself.
“...Thanks, Lyney,” Aether said, smiling involuntarily, almost shyly.
Although he was perfectly conscious Lyney’s demeanour wasn’t but a facet of his role – along with a way to protect himself – the man always managed to make him lose his composure.
They ate without a word for a few minutes, an implicit but tangible tension between the twins and him. He took a sip of his hot chocolate hoping it would give him some strength.
“...Lyney,” Aether started, not quite sure of what he was going to say. “As I was saying to Lynette just before… I’m really sorry.”
“Oh? And why is that?”
Aether effortlessly noticed Lyney’s uneasy stance. He perfectly knew what Aether was referring to.
“I wanted to apologise about my attitude lately,” Aether continued, doing his best to hold Lyney’s wilfully neutral gaze. “When I said I was busy, I… Let’s just say my mind and dreams hasn’t been all that relaxing.”
Lyney stared at him for a moment like he was studying him, then he drank his coffee nonchalantly.
“I fail to see why it requires any apologies, mon cher Aether,” he said, smiling. “Hard times happen to everyone.”
Aether straightened up and clenched his fists to somehow ground himself.
“I was avoiding you two,” he admitted, resorting to his whole willpower not to lower his eyes. “But it has nothing to do with–”
“Nothing to do with our affiliations?” Lyney cut him calmly, his cold eyes – almost despondent – contradicting with his smile.
Aether didn’t let himself be fazed and nodded.
“Nothing,” Aether confirmed, feeling more confident now that the confrontation was in front of him. “I don’t know how to say it differently so… I’ll get straight to the point: I... envy you terribly.”
Lyney and Lynette showed no reaction whatsoever and seemed to be simply waiting for Aether to keep explaining. Which he promptly did.
“You obviously know that I’m looking for my sister.” Aether paused as if the words were physically painful to voice. “And you also must know she.. she is my twin.”
This time, he couldn’t keep himself from looking down, images from recent nightmares coming back way too easily to mind.
“...And you can’t help seeing yourself in my place, with my own sister,” Lyney said. It wasn’t a question.
His voice was immensely softer than before. Aether lifted his head back up a little and Lyney’s expression left him briefly astounded. He still wore a deadpan mask but his eyes had gained a warm brightness. If Aether hadn’t had the occasion to see Lyney in a vulnerable state a few times before, he would undoubtedly have missed the sympathy and sadness on his face.
Aether nodded wordlessly, letting a heavy exhale out.
An uncomfortable silence settled in and lasted until Aether looked at Lyney and Lynette in the eye again.
“I’m not asking you to forgive my behaviour. Neither the time just after your trial nor more recently. It was foolish and… hypocritical of me,” Aether added, barely above a whisper, vivid shame in his belly. “I… I just want you to know how much I regret and that you are not to blame, really.”
“Aether–”
“There is nothing to forgive on my part,” Lynette intervened calm as always, cutting Lyney off. “We hid something that hurt you, you processed it. End of the story.”
“Well, yes, but...”
“Have a good day, Traveler. See you later Lyney–“
“Lynette, wait–!”
“Energy saving mode, activated.”
Lynette stood up before she had finished her sentence and just left, entirely ignoring her brother.
Aether didn’t even noticed she was done eating.
Another silence. Even more disconcerting than the previous ones now that it was just the two of them.
Lyney ended quietly clearing his throat and offered a smile less superficial and exaggerated than usual.
“May I ask you what was troubling you… on that day?”
The traveler grasped his lukewarm mug with his two hands. He contemplated the remainder of chocolate at the bottom roughly reflecting his melancholy.
“...It’s been three years since I’ve been separated from Lumine. It’s only a blink of the eye in my life but… we have never been apart for more than a couple of days at most. Until now.”
Lyney seemed to turn into a statue, listening to Aether like this opportunity was priceless and wouldn’t present itself anytime soon.
“As time goes by, I...”
I doubt I’ll ever see her again.
Aether trailed off, his thoughts lost for an instant. He shook his head absent-mindedly.
“...Anyway, ever since I’m here, this time of year is getting more and more difficult to endure. You really have come on the wrong day, last time,” Aether explained, with a weak and awkward smile. “Sorry again, I… I didn’t have the courage to see you or Lynette.”
“The wrong day? Was it the day you… got separated from her?” Lyney asked tactfully, a strange expression on his face.
“You could say that,” Aether said enigmatically.
Lyney looked at Aether for a moment. The traveler didn’t have any idea about what he could be thinking. He opted to resume his breakfast and let Lyney to his reflections.
“...Aether.”
“Yes?”
“I owe you some apologies, too.”
Aether tilted his head, confused.
“You’re not the only one having avoided someone,” Lyney confessed, his lips curving in a sad smile.
“...What are you talking about?”
“Come now, Traveler, did you really believe you could elude me if I wanted to catch you?”
Lyney’s proud and seductive persona came back without warning and he sent a mischievous wink his way. Aether felt his cheeks warm up a little and rolled his eyes.
“That’s why, I am sorry too. I read into you reaction and I didn’t reassess it.”
“You thought I finally didn’t want to frequent you anymore.” Aether understood.
“Well, it wouldn’t have been so shocking after… you met with Father.”
Lyney was the one lowering his eyes this time and didn’t see the surprise of Aether.
He wasn’t surprised that Lyney was in the know. He just hadn’t thought about the consequences of their… afternoon tea and the exchange that came after with Arlecchino.
“Lyney, no matter what has been said or happened with Arlecchino, I promise it doesn't change what I think of you. I trust you.”
The magician stayed silent and Aether thought he saw his eyes shine for a short moment.
“I know the situation is delicate and that… depending on how my relation with her progress you could be led to betray me, if some circumstances asked for it,” Aether declared bluntly.
“…”
“Lyney, look at me,” Aether asked with a low voice. “I’m aware of all that. But I also know that regardless of my opinion of the fatui, the Knave is a part of your family. I could never tell you to renounce to such a thing, believe me.”
“You would be willing to… to simply wait for one of us to stab you in the back?” Lyney whispered, his tone sarcastic and flabbergasted.
Aether snorted quietly, a sound closer to a groan and mirthless.
“It would be nice if you didn’t,” he retorted, before resuming seriously. “What I mean is that I don’t expect you to stand in Arlecchino’s way for me. And I’ll never ask you to.”
“...I don’t understand you, Aether,” Lyney said and this time, the traveler was certain that tears were subtly welling up in his eyes.
“Oh well, I’m used to it, you wouldn’t be the first one finding me weird.”
Lyney snorted softly, his voice slightly wheezing as if he struggled to breathe properly.
Aether didn’t make any allusion about Lyney’s emotional state and finally finished his meal down to the last crumb, allowing his companion to regain his composure.
“Aether.”
“Hm?”
“There is… something else I would talk to you about.”
“...You are not planning to betray me here, right now, after my great speech, are you?” Aether said, feigning offence.
“Whether it’s the case or not, you wouldn’t know until the last moment, très cher,” Lyney joked, visibly more serene. “
Lyney seemed to deliberate with himself before he added:
“It turns out that the day you politely turned out your back on me wasn’t insignificant for me either. It was Lynette’s and my birthday.”
Aether’s eyes widened almost abruptly, feeling as if his breathing had been hindered.
Seriously?
He never liked coincidences...
“Happy late birthday, then,” Aether said, looking away.
“Traveler...? What’s wrong?
“Oh, I… It’s nothing, I just...”
“You don’t have to tell everything, you know? It would be quite impudent of me.”
Aether chuckled faintly despite himself.
“No, it’s just… it happens to be my birthday, too. Well, kind of.”
It was then Lyney’s turn to be speechless and Aether felt a strange – and ill-timed – feeling of satisfaction from having succeeded throwing the magician off. The latter opened and closed his mouth several times before managing to speak.
“What do you mean, ‘kind of’?”
“...It’s complicated. I consider this date as my birthday.”
Aether averted his eyes again. He absolutely didn’t fancy talking about this just now. Fortunately, Lyney appeared to respect his reluctance and didn’t insist.
“Well then! Happy late birthday to you too, Aether,” Lyney said, with his usual flourish. “In that case, I’m afraid we must remedy to such an injustice, très cher.”
“…?”
“Our birthday, Aether! I have to admit I’d hoped I to share this day with you and Lynette, so… Why not make it up today?”
Aether was unable to voice any sound for a few seconds, torn by too many emotions at once. A treacherous tingling in the corner of his eyes was threatening to make him let everything go.
In the face of the traveler’s reaction, Lyney lost his liveliness immediately.
“If you wish so, of course! I wouldn’t want to–”
“Okay.”
“–inconvenience you… Oh. Are you sure?
“I wouldn’t have accepted if I wasn’t,” Aether answered, his eyes still glistening but smiling.
“Oh, well, if you’re okay with it… What do you want to do?” Lyney asked, his enthusiasm rekindled in the blink of an eye.
“I leave it to you, you must have tons of things in mind already, don’t you?
“Oh, évidemment, I’m making it a mission of allowing you to spend the best day possible, mon cher! So, firstly, perhaps you would be interested by...”
Aether found himself obliged to choose amongst countless of possibilities, each of them more original than the others, and soon his mood raised back up to the serene state of this morning.
Even if the beating of his heart seemed to thump more fiercely in his chest.
In any case, he let the warm presence of Lyney carry him like the waves had done more often than not.
To be continued...