Chapter Text
Ann Perkins was glowing and they hadn’t even left Indiana yet. Her bronzed skin was flushed with excitement, her hair was braided loosely and her face was smoothed, relaxed. She was already on Chapter Three of whatever romance novel she had picked up on their way to the airport.
“Put it away,” Ann murmured, eyes never leaving her page. Leslie stared at the binder in her lap and bit her lip. How to Hookup on Vacation was emblazoned across the front with a drawing of a sandy beach, orange umbrella, a sun wearing sunglasses and a crystal blue ocean. A fruity drink and several condoms were floating in the periphery…
Okay, it wasn’t her best work, but it had been impromptu! After months of frustration surrounding what had happened with Mark and his lack of response to their night together, Ann had declared herself sick and tired of Leslie's pining. They were going on a vacation and she was going to have some fun.
And apparently vacation fun entailed hooking up.
So, after consultation with Ann and a few offhand comments from Donna while she was working, Leslie had compiled a vacation hookup idea binder, that included various possible scenarios and types of gentlemen that would be appropriate for this type of endeavor.
And, most importantly, there was an extensive list of rules:
Rules for a Vacation Hookup
1. Pick someone hot you can stand but don’t actually like as a person.
2. You’re not dating them, you’re fucking them.
3. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
4. Don’t talk about Mark.
5. Don’t think about sex with Mark or Mark avoiding you or anything related to Mark .
6. Don’t do missionary too much.
7. Take turns being on top.
8. Doggy style - DO IT!!!
9. Shower sex - TRY IT!!!
10. BE LOUD (it’s sexy!)
11. DEMAND (or ask nicely) he goes down on you.
12. Don’t feel weird about anything (GET YOURS!).
13. Have sex somewhere public (ie: The pool, the beach, a golf cart, etc.).
14. No historical role play.
15. No hats. No fingerless gloves. No cargo pants.
16. Avoid excessive cuddling.
17. Tie him up/blindfold him (???).
18. Do not talk about: feminist icons, parks projects, idea binders, the national debt, birdhouses, political biographies or Mark. (DO NOT TALK ABOUT MARK!)
19. Do NOT fall for anyone.
20. HAVE FUN!!!
“Leslie,” Ann closes the binder for her. “Relax, okay? That’s what this is for - to have fun and think about something besides stupid Mark. You don’t have to hookup with anyone. Please stop stressing about this.”
Stressing? Did Ann know her at all? Leslie wasn’t stressing, she was focusing, preparing, studying and trying to be a good student. She could do this, totally. She could meet a cute guy, flirt with him, have crazy awesome sex with him for the duration of their trip, and come back refreshed and over Mark.
And if not, she’ll fill a few more idea binders, drink a lot of sugary beverages, read a variety of political thrillers and spend some amazing time with her best friend in the entire world, Ann Perkins.
And it was only a week. She could survive a week without work, and she could certainly survive a week without thinking about Mark.
It would be great, awesome, fantastic, wonderful.
She couldn’t totally do this.
Totally.
Sort of.