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Atsushi's eyes widened and he could swear to his good bowl of chazuke that his brain fried right there.
That was not supposed to happen. When Kunikida asked him to grab a file in the storage room he was supposed to walk into the room, grab the file, and walk out. There was absolutely no step in this where he was supposed to find Dazai and Chuuya making out against a shelf.
And as the mafia trained people they were, they both stopped the moment they heard steps. Chuuya's face was melting into his hair color as Dazai had to hold back a nervous laugh. Before they could say anything, anything Atsushi did NOT want to hear anyways, he did what any rational being would do in such an awkward situation like this.
He ran.
Was something like what he had just witnessed with his own eyes even allowed? He was sure it wasn't. Maybe it had been a hallucination? Maybe he accidentally ate one of Dazai's mushrooms earlier and can't remember it? Maybe he was dragged into an alternative reality by an ability user with multiverse travelling powers?
Kunikida frowned as he looked over his shoulder at a pale Atsushi clinging to the door without a file.
"What? Don't tell me there are cockroaches in there again..." It would not be that much of a surprise since last month.
"I wish it was them" Atsushi's voice was pitched "Kunikida, I know I might sound insane but you have got to believe me, I swear, I saw Dazai and Chuuya... the Port Mafia executive... making out. Actually making out."
Atsushi stared at Kunikida, waiting for the man to faint or spontaneously combust. Instead, all he did was sigh in annoyance.
"Ugh, I already told Dazai not to engage with the enemy but does he ever listen to anything I say? Of course not, that stupid bastard..."
Atsushi blinked.
"What? Kunikida, did you know they did that...?"
"Well, as you just witnessed, they aren't as sneaky as they think they are."
That was fair, he supposed.
"I'm just confused, I mean, I thought they hated each other?"
Kunikida nodded "I think they do. I don't know, I really don't get it. They have a really weird relationship and I have too much paperwork to care about who Dazai makes out with. I'll scold them out of there."
As Kunikida left the room, Atsushi heard Ranpo snort behind him.
"So you finally found out? Good. Yosano owes me six hundred yen now. I don't even know why she still tries to win a bet against me."
Atsushi accepted his fate with a defeated nod, sitting on his chair and hoping he never needed to get anything in the storage room ever again.