Chapter Text
Suguru liked his job. He tried not to take that fact for granted - a lot of people hated their jobs, some of the people he served more than any other. Suguru had a pension for pessimism, unfortunately, and this pessimism festered the longer he isolated himself. He learned this fact at a young age. In order to counteract this, Suguru did all that he could to meet as many people as possible, to remind himself of the good that’s in the world along with the bad.
He might not have looked the most approachable, with his long black hair, tattoos covering his arms and legs, piercings lining his ears, wardrobe consisting entirely of black, black, and the occasional light black, but he loved people. While his appearance might’ve discouraged conversation at the grocery store or standing waiting for the metro, it luckily didn’t affect his job. He owned a dive bar downtown, popular amongst a variety of people from students to salarymen to bachelorette parties and on. He had a host of regulars who he was fond of as well as a stream of new people drawn in by karaoke, pub quizzes, and weekend night dancing.
It was fun - a good mix of business and pleasure. On nights when he was feeling tired or laid back, he could hide in the office and balance the books, make the schedule, and leave his staff of bizarrely friendly bartenders in charge of the floor. When he wanted to spend the night showing off and mingling with people, he got to shove his business partner Shoko in the back office and spend his night tending bar, flipping drinks, making conversation, and flirting harmlessly with pretty people.
None quite so pretty as the guy who’d just walked in, though, holy shit .
Whatever story Wasuke was telling him drifted into background noise as he zoned in solely on the incredibly distracting man striding across the room. He entered the bar with a demeanor that made Suguru want to double check the name on his deed - every pore on that man’s body oozed confidence and superiority. It would make Suguru’s skin crawl if he wasn’t so damn beautiful.
Conveniently, the man made a beeline for the open space in front of Suguru at the bar, a completely boring looking man trailing behind him for some unfathomable reason (he couldn’t be a date - there was no fucking way in hell that this angel would be dating someone so boring ). He sat down at one of the barstools with a huff, shrugging off his coat and handing it to the other man as he slid onto the stool next to him.
Suguru muttered a word of apology to Wasuke - he really was a sweet old man, with stories Suguru usually gave a damn about. At the moment though, he just had one thought in mind.
“Hey there. What can I get you two?” Suguru gave the men his best serene, welcoming smile. The gorgeous man looked over at him with a forced smile on his face that shifted into something more genuine the longer he looked at Suguru. Well, looked at him isn’t quite accurate - appraised him might be better. He even tilted his head, like he was considering a piece of art at a charity auction.
“I’d love a tequila sunrise, please,” he decided after a doozy of a wait. Suguru winked once in acknowledgement and then turned to the snooze-fest, waiting for his order as well.
“Oh!” the boring man jumped under Suguru’s apathetic gaze, as if surprised he’d be expected to speak, “Just a water for me.”
“Awww. You’re not drinking, Ijichi-baby?” the man’s voice turned sickly sweet and Suguru almost started laughing in shock at the switch in tone. Ijichi flushed red in response to the endearment.
“No, Gojo, I’d rather… um, be sober for this,” he said with a small, shaky smile. Gojo narrowed his eyes and then turned to Suguru with a shockingly angry smile.
“Make him a sex on the beach, please,” he ordered, voice barely concealing its vitriol before he turned back to his date, “Now now, Kiyotaka, don’t let my parents tell you how or how not to conduct yourself on our date.” Suguru’s hand froze in its pour of tequila, staring wide eyed for a moment at the anger Gojo managed to pour into such a benign sentence. Ijichi obviously noticed it too, beads of sweat forming at his brow.
“That’s probably enough tequila, now,” Gojo warned without taking his assessing eyes off of Ijichi, who was squirming in his seat. Suguru snatched his hand back, chuckling at the glass which was now about three fourths full of Jose Cuervo.
“Whoops,” he said, moving to dump it into a new glass.
Gojo reached over and put a hand on his, “It’s okay. I’ll need it strong - charge me for the double if you need to.”
“More like a triple, but okay,” Suguru whispered, grabbing the orange juice to keep making the drink.
“I can assure you Satoru, your parents didn’t-”
‘Don’t call me that,” Gojo said easily, making Ijichi flounder even as Gojo took his eyes off of him to stare instead at Suguru, “You know, Ijichi, this is never going to work if you continue to have absolutely no backbone.”
“Um… what ?” Ijichi stuttered. Suguru pretended to be really invested in the grenadine he was measuring, rather than listening intently to every word said in front of him.
“If you’re going to steal my heart and the bounty that my family placed on my maidenhood, you need to be tough, Ijichi-baby. You’re going up against some stiff competition.”
“I… I am?”
Gojo rolled his eyes and nodded, “Yes you most certainly are. I’ve also been auctioned off to Mei Mei, Nouya Zenin, Nanami Kento, Ryomen Sukuna -”
“Sukuna?!” Ijichi asked and Gojo just raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah, they’re that serious. Hopefully you’re getting it now,” Gojo nodded intently, thanking Suguru as he passed over his drink and started making the next one, “You’re probably wondering why you were even invited into the mix, huh?” Suguru fought back a laugh at the not-so-backhanded insult.
“Oh well, not exactly,” Ijichi tried to laugh it off and Satoru turned his head quickly towards him as if shocked by this admittance.
“So they told you the truth then?” Gojo asked, voice dripping with excitement, and okay . Suguru should officially stop eavesdropping, but he simply could not turn his attention away. Especially not now , now that Gojo was obviously putting on a Soap Opera Digest Award worthy act with the excitement and mischief pouring off of him practically tangible.
“The truth about what?”
“About why my family is so desperate to get me married?” Gojo posited and Suguru was officially done pretending not to listen. He handed Ijichi his drink and then stood there, hands on the bar, listening intently.
“OH! That, well, yes , of course - since you’re coming to be the head of the company soon and -” Ijichi started, but Gojo cut him off when a big forlorn sigh.
“How disappointing. They didn’t tell you,” Gojo slumped dramatically to the bar and rested his chin on his fist, shooting a quick wink to Suguru.
“Didn’t tell me what?”
“The truth!”
“What’s the truth?” Suguru cut in, which surprised Ijichi but not Gojo at all, “Are you… terminal or something?”
Gojo gasped and sat up straighter, “No! I’m in the prime of my life, don’t I look it?” he gestured down to his body and Suguru looked - he was given permission.
He shrugged and said, “Sure. Whatever you say.” Gojo narrowed his eyes at him but smiled a little anyway - he obviously wasn’t buying it. Apparently Suguru wasn’t as discreet about his desire as he probably should’ve been.
“I think you look… great, Gojo,” Ijichi chimed in a beat too late.
“Of course you do,” Gojo grinned, patting Ijichi’s shoulder once, patronizingly.
Suguru laughed again then knocked the counter with his knuckles, “Don’t get distracted, beautiful, get back to the point.”
Gojo tilted his head in confusion, giving Suguru big doe eyes that didn’t even come close to innocent, “The point wasn’t how hot and sexy I am?”
“Does that have anything to do with why you’re being sold off like a child bride to whatever excruciatingly dull loser,” Suguru nodded at Ijichi without taking his eyes off Gojo, “throws his gauntlet in the ring?”
Gojo laughed once, bright and loud, “Sorta.”
“Sort of?” Ijichi spluttered and Suguru was really starting to wish he’d just fuck off. He had absolutely no right to be so anxious and uncomfortable - did he not know he was with the most beautiful person in the room? Why was he acting like a complete and total wang?
“Well, okay, if I have to be honest ,” Gojo drawled, “My family is deeply worried about my worsening sex addiction.” He said it so plainly, so matter-of-fact that Suguru almost missed the ridiculousness before he burst out laughing.
Listen, Suguru was most likely a really good person, deep down and in the right circumstances, but please know that he was first and foremost an asshole . In another scenario, with another set of people and in another bar, laughing might’ve seemed rude - and Ijichi sure seemed to think it was - but Suguru could read easily on Satoru’s face that he was incredibly pleased with the reaction.
“You can’t just--” Ijichi started, before a random girl next to him leaned over slightly and cleared her throat, looking at Suguru expectantly.
“Excuse me, can someone take my order, please? I’ve been waiting for-”
“Yuuji!” Suguru shouted, directing the excitable man tending the other side of the bar towards the woman with a casual flick of his wrist. She seemed insulted for a moment until Yuuji bounded over, that trademark grin on his face that made it absolutely impossible to be mad.
(Suguru made a concentrated effort to employ only the most charming of people - Yuuji, Haibara, Yuki, Momo, among some of them - so that guests had an extremely hard time ever getting upset. Even their bouncer, Todo, was a giant teddy bear. So Suguru could be an asshole and ignore his duties in favor of whatever he occasionally wanted and guests never really complained too much.)
“You can’t be serious,” Suguru deadpanned.
“I am!” Gojo argued, a twinkle in his eye that told Suguru it was all complete bullshit, “And it just keeps getting worse - I keep needing bigger and bigger cocks. It’s uncontrollable.”
“Oh, so you’re a size queen, too,” Suguru mused, enjoying the very pretty picture Satoru was happily painting.
“ Undeniably . It’s a blessing and a curse. And it’s starting to affect my day-to-day life, you know?” Gojo mused wistfully, “Getting in the way of work, sleep, friends. So my parents’ felt like they needed to step in.”
“Your parents are so worried about you desperately seeking cock, they try to set you up with the least sexy guy on the planet?” Suguru asked, enjoying seeing Ijichi’s face journey from wildly confused to suddenly offended.
“Did I do something to you?” he protested.
Gojo ignored Ijichi’s question and continued talking to Suguru, “Quite the opposite actually. My aunt heard through the grapevine that the Ijichis are… well-endowed . And I’m not talking fiscally, obviously ,” he said with a stuck-up snort.
“Wait - pardon ? ” Ijichi spluttered, banging his hands on the bar, “Who told you that?”
“Oh you know, the grapevine,” Gojo shrugged before turning back to Suguru, “And so my parents did some digging, hacked into Kiyotaka here’s medical records, and discovered that it was, in fact, true.”
“What was true?” Ijichi asked, slightly horrified.
“You have the biggest dick in the city.” Gojo smiled, patting Ijichi on the back like he was proud of him. Oh man, Suguru loved a good bit.
“Oh wow! Congratulations, man. Guess this does make sense after all,” Suguru said, pointing in between the two men in front of him. Gojo laughed and nodded, moving his hand to Ijichi’s thigh and making him jump.
“What - are you serious? You hacked my records? ” Ijichi asked, eyes wide, gripping his drink tight enough that Suguru was worried it was going to shatter.
“Of course I’m serious, Ijichi. My parents are trying to sell me off - I wouldn’t joke about that,” Gojo insisted, and it was almost believable enough for Suguru to buy it too. Almost .
“Damn, you look nervous, Ijichi. You better be packing, or Gojo here is going to be seriously disappointed,” Suguru whistled. Ijichi glared at him and then turned to Gojo who almost looked like he was going to cry.
“What is he implying, Ijichi? Do you… do you not have a cock that will absolutely destroy me?” Gojo asked, shifting his voice to something sweet and vulnerable. Ijichi flushed a dark red and took a big gulp of his drink.
“Well, I mean, it’s not unimpressive ,” he stammered and Suguru barked a laugh.
“That’s encouraging,” Suguru snorted, rolling his eyes, “Sorry babe, there’s no way he’s bigger than 5.”
Gojo stomped his foot and pouted, “Kiyotaka Ijichi, tell me the truth right now, because if you aren’t going to take me home and split me wide open every night on your monster cock, then what is even the point of this date?”
People were looking over at them now, Gojo’s voice rising to a level that other people could hear too and they were undoubtedly listening in. Ijichi noticed, fidgeting in his chair and looking around nervously. After a long moment he sighed and stood up.
“This was stupid,” Ijichi said, backing up towards the door with hands raised, “I don’t know why I thought this was a good idea. Enjoy your night, Gojo, good luck with…e-everything.” And then he turned on his heel and hurried out of the bar without another word. Gojo stared after him for a moment, head tilted in contemplation, and then sighed himself.
“Well, that was easier than I thought it would be. Should I feel guilty for that?” he asked Suguru genuinely, “Am I a bad person?”
“Probably,” Suguru admitted, “But it was fun.”
“It was, wasn’t it?” Gojo laughed, a little mean.
“You made one guy’s night worse, one guy’s night better. It balances out, from an egalitarian point of view.” Suguru justified, giving him a serene smile. Gojo smiled back, looking at Suguru for a long moment as if it was the first time that night that he’d really noticed he was there, now that he didn’t have the weight of a useless date dragging him down. God, he was so stupidly beautiful that Suguru felt actual real-life butterflies in his stomach, like some sort of teenager. Absolute clownery.
He did actually have to help other customers though, so he made his way around the bar, chatting with people as he poured whiskey gingers and lemon drop shots. Gojo sat there the whole time, watching him work whenever he wasn’t on his phone, typing nonchalantly. Suguru felt his eyes on him like a spotlight and it made it difficult for him to slip into his usual flow state of work. Inevitably, he ended up back in front of Gojo, under the pretense of checking if he wanted another drink.
“So, are your parents really trying to sell you off?” Suguru asked as he mixed him another tequila sunrise, lighter on the tequila this time. Gojo leaned his cheek on his fist and nodded.
“Unfortunately. When I came out to them - or well, was forced out kinda - the only way they said they’d keep supporting me is if I find a nice, respectable fiance .”
“Wow. Fuck them.” Suguru expressed as genuinely as he could. Gojo just smiled wryly.
“Yeah,” he sighed, “But they're paying for my doctorate and supporting my little siblings so I kinda have to play nice for the moment.”
“That blows,” Suguru commiserated, “Seriously.”
“It does. It also means that I have four more dates lined up for me and I am dreading every single one.” Gojo took a big gulp of his drink the second Suguru handed it over. Suguru leaned his forearms on the bar and watched him unabashedly.
“You gonna bring them all here?” Suguru asked, positive that the hope was written plain across his face. Sure, he didn’t wanna see Gojo with any other undeserving little shits, but if it was going to happen at all, he’d rather it happen under his supervision.
“You gonna help me sabotage them all?” Gojo asked in response.
“They all gonna be as shitty as the one tonight?”
“Most definitely.”
“Well then, I don’t think I’ll have a choice.”
“Great.”
“ Great .” They stared at each other for a long moment, Suguru enjoying the feeling of those intense blue eyes on his, amused and intrigued.
“Maybe if they’re all successfully derailed,” Gojo started, a slight flush rising to his cheeks, “After the fifth one we can -”
“Suguru Geto, what the goddamn hell is THIS?” Shoko voice cut him off. Suguru felt her shove him forwards a second later, fingers jabbing into his sensitive obliques.
“Ow, ow, what the fuck, Shoko?” he turned and saw her waving a receipt around wildly, her cheeks flushed in anger. She got up close to him and jabbed him hard in the chest.
“What is this?” she asked again, shoving the receipt in his face.
“Jesus, Ieiri, calm down,” he said, grabbing the paper.
“Does this look familiar?” Shoko asked, voice suddenly flat, which means she was really pissed now. Suguru gave her his best smile and wound a hand around her hip, trying his best to be charming. She just pushed him back hard and glared at him.
“I told you to stop ordering anything from her,” Ieiri spat and Suguru grimaced. To be honest, he’d totally forgotten. Mei Mei sold the cheapest liquor in town and Shoko had so recently decided they were hating her for… something she did to Utahime? Maybe? They’d been Facetiming when Shoko had first mentioned it and he’d been falling asleep a little bit, so it just didn’t stick in his head. Totally his fault, to be fair.
“This was the last time, honest,” Suguru assured her and Shoko just continued glaring daggers.
“It better be. This partnership comes with rules, and one of those rules is if I hate someone, you do too,” she snapped before turning on her heel and strolling back to the office. Suguru took a deep sigh and tried not to roll his eyes. He loved Ieiri, he really did, but her lesbian drama was a lot to handle sometimes.
“Sorry about that,” Suguru said, turning back to Gojo, “You were say…ing?” he trailed off at the end, seeing that Gojo had stood up, slipped his jacket back on, and was counting out bills to leave on the bar. He looked closed off, irritated at something.
“Is everything okay?” Suguru asked, disappointed at the sudden change. Gojo just nodded and shrugged.
“Yeah, I gotta go, though. Thanks for helping me scare off the loser.” he said with a wide smile and a lazy peace sign that seemed painfully forced. It almost made Suguru want to hit him upside the head, snap him out of it.
“Oh, yeah, no problem,” Suguru said, “I’ll see you for the next one?”
“Uh, maybe. Yeah. Maybe. See you later.” And then he walked away, slow and steady, and didn’t turn back as the door shut behind him. Suguru watched the door for a while anyway, already missing the electricity that Satoru Gojo seemed to bring into the room with him.