Chapter Text
She walked calmly through the empty halls of Skyhold, lingering in memories of a better time. The old castle had long been a base of operations and a place of refuge, but now it lay vacant, crumbling in places where the siege had hit it worst. It seemed as if discovering Solas’s plot had been the tipping point that caused everything to fall apart.
At the time it seemed the only way to stop him was to use the full force of the Inquisition to track him down. Yet when she made it clear to the Exalted Council she would not disband, both Orlais and Ferelden decided it was not worth the risk to let the Inquisition continue and declared war. Many of her forces fled, but having the backing of Leliana as the Divine, and her previous triumph in saving the world, many stayed to fight for her. Most of her inner circle also stayed to stand by her side, but Dorian needed to return to Tevinter and take his father’s place as Magister and The Iron Bull and his Chargers went with him. On paper it was to continue mercenary work, but really Bull wished to protect Dorian and stay close to his lover.
At first the war was in the Inquisition’s favor. Skyhold was an incredibly fortified location, and the Inquisition had camps and forts all over both countries. However the distance between her forces was also her downfall. Her enemy was able to focus on each stronghold individually and destroy it before reinforcements could arrive. Several years passed as the Inquisition grew smaller and smaller as it fought a losing war. Even their best strategies only delayed the inevitable. Adding insult to injury, Solas slowly ate away at her forces as well. Breeding lies and stealing away the elves, the Inquisition stood on weak legs. As the last year wore on, news was sent that the Qunari had attacked Tevinter. Dorian, Iron Bull, and the Chargers were lost in the battle for the capital. Then tragedy after tragedy befell the inner circle as member after member was lost to the war. The siege of Skyhold ended the organization, finally taking out the last of her troops and friends. Morrigan's last act had been to force open the Eluvian with the power of the Well of Sorrows and push her through before shattering it. Lavellan had spent some time after that wandering the Crossroads despondently before finding a conveniently unlocked Eluvian. And so finally Lavellan was left alone.
Left empty and grieving, Azrael felt defeated. All she had worked so hard for seemed so worthless without her friends or heart. She felt no reason to keep fighting. In the end she was just so tired of everything. So she decided that there was no reason to keep going and made her way back to Skyhold for one last time. It was hard to find a rope in the fallen fortress, but eventually she found one long enough to string from the top of the rookery so she could die in his rotunda. She wrote a simple note to Solas, should he ever come to find her. All it said was “I’m sorry I wasn’t enough, ma vhenan.”
As Lavellan stood at the edge of the rookery balcony, her spirit burned with rage and fear. She wanted nothing more than to scream at the injustice of the world. How could everything be taken from her so easily? She had lost her twin, lost her clan, lost her lover, lost so much of herself to be the “perfect” leader, lost the inquisition, lost her friends, and now she would truly lose everything else. She had always put others before herself, and did her best to never show weakness, hiding her true emotions away. Even her last plan to save the world had been so that others may be happy. She could have spent her time hunting Solas ruthlessly, or made peace with Fereldan and Orlais. Instead she had wanted to continue to help heal the world, and perhaps even save the man she loved from losing himself. But I wasn’t even able to save myself. I won’t even get to see him one more time before I die. And so she screamed internally, even as outwardly she closed her eyes serenely and let go.
Dying had been surprisingly easy. She had jumped, felt a sharp pain, and then nothing. She no longer hurt, or really felt much of anything. When she tried to open her eyes nothing happened. How can I open my eyes if I don’t have eyes? She rationalized. But then how can I still think? I have to still exist to have thought right? As she puzzled over this another thought struck her that as far as she could recall didn’t come from her.
What if you could try again?
What do you mean, try again?
So much sadness and grief to accomplish very little. Wouldn’t it be better if everyone could be happy?
Of course, but that’s not how this works. Trying to argue with what almost seemed like her own thoughts was a bit disconcerting, but Lavellan couldn’t help but feel a spark of hope over the words. What if she could go back?
How would you know about how Death works? Most people who have come here don’t come back.
So is that what you are? Death?
Perhaps, but that is irrelevant. Would you try again?
Yes. Of course yes.
She received a weird sense of approval, before a flash and the world came into focus.
She looked around at the familiar stretch of forest she knew to be just outside the area where her clan frequently settled for winter. Yet something wasn’t entirely right. She felt, different...stronger, but lighter, and the world seemed more colorful, as if all her senses had been heightened. She looked down at herself and blinked rapidly in shock to try and clear away the vision. Her body was composed of pure white light, traced with the familiar green of the Rift. Unlike before, however, the tendrils of the mark weren’t jagged biting lightening, but smooth natural flowing patterns in constant motion. It rippled over, and in her light, forming beautiful swirls and filigree.
She looked around the forest again and purposefully concentrated on changing the scene to that of Haven. Seamlessly the world shifted as trees melted into frost covered buildings. Familiar people wandered by, but no one saw her. It was easy to conclude that she was now a spirit in the Fade. How is this supposed to help? She wondered in exasperation. I have no idea how to talk to living people like this, or how to work the fade. Suddenly however a thought struck her. Death said I was trying again? When is this? Was I sent back? I think I still have the mark, though it’s certainly different now. If I went back far enough, I can stop myself from getting it in the first place and….and then no one will be able to close the rifts, if I’m stuck on this side of the veil...How did Cole make it over and not be translucent or demony? Compassion possessed apostate Cole, to be more human and help. So what if I possessed someone? Though I can’t just take someone random against their will. Nor would it be very helpful to possess a corpse.....Myself!! I can take over my old self!
With the beginnings of her plan in mind Azrael decided she needed to know more about her new self in order to put it into effect. Moving about the fade was incredibly easy. In fact, it took a great deal of willpower not to think about places too deeply, or else she would end up there. The first thing she did was find out when she was by using the mark to spread the veil thin, without breaking it open. Peering out at her clan, she was happy to discover she had several months until the conclave. Plenty of time to figure out this spirit business and still save the world. Other spirits were friendly and eager to talk about themselves, and she found she wasn’t so afraid of demons any more. On this side of the veil they were just manifestations of human emotion, and not being a human anymore herself they saw no need to try and tempt her.
Manipulating the Fade in other ways was remarkably simple as well. A thought, and everything was laid out before her. She relived memories for a time, but decided to was unwise to dwell too deeply in the past. She attempted to cast magic and the elements of the fade obeyed easily, though she was unsure if they would respond on the other side of the veil.
While she found it possible to look like anything she wanted, Azrael had willed herself to look more like her old self, but had left the shifting mark to crawl over her skin like climbing vines. She had experimented with it a little and had learned she could still open and close the veil, but decided not to do it too often as other spirits clustered close if she left it open for extended periods. They had even tried to get through the rift, and she knew it would be best to not let them out. Exploring the fade in more depth, Azrael stumbled upon sleeping mages every so often. Mostly she avoided their dreams, not wanting to interfere. Yet anytime she saw a demon trying to tempt one of them she adjusted the dream enough to warn the mage away from making a terrible choice. Often times she considered finding one of her old friends. Maybe see Dorian or Vivienne and warn them of the future. But every time she thought about it, she shied away from the idea. The people of this time were not the same people as the ones she had lost. They would have no reason to trust her, and Vivienne would likely think her a demon, so she cast that plan aside.
She also spent the time learning about the history of Thedas. The fade was full of memories and it was a simple matter to watch them with her new power. She made friends with several spirits of wisdom as well. It was easy to see why Solas loved the fade so much and wanted the old world back from all she learned. However she also learned how the ancient elves had been just as flawed as the world was now, and knew she still had to change his mind.
Finally Azrael knew she had to find herself and set her plan in motion.
The one thing she hadn’t counted on was how differently time passed in the fade. As she peered through the veil into the conclave she felt the unmistakable crackle of veil energy. NO! No, no no! It’s not supposed to happen yet! My second chance and I’ve already fucked this up! She searched frantically through the temple until she found her old self. She was sitting on the bed in the servant’s chamber humming softly and sharpening her great sword. But if the explosion is supposed to happen now, I should be in the inner chamber with Corypheus… She had no more time to think over what was happening as she felt the shockwave reverberate through the fade, and running on pure instinct and panic, Azrael opened the veil and pulled her young self through just as fire roared through the Temple of Sacred Ashes.
Oh no, what did I do?! Fenedhis!
“What was that?! Where am I?” Her younger self looked around in confusion, lifting her blade in a defensive position.
“Um...Well the conclave just exploded and this is the fade…” Azrael decided there was no good way to explain the situation other than the flat out truth. “This is going to sound crazy, but I’m you from the future and I need my, your, our, body back in order to save the world.” Her younger self looked at her suspiciously.
“How do I know you’re telling me the truth? Gabriel has said demons trick those who come into the Fade so that they can possess them.” Spirit Azrael sighed and focused on staying calm as she let their childhood play out around them as she spoke.
“While a demon would try to trick you, I can assure you I will not.” As the memories shifted from childhood into the events of the Inquisition her younger self looked around in amazement. “I will not lie to you. This is the future I lived through and hope to change. I wish to make things better and for that I need your help. I do not know what will happen if you accept, but I promise you things will be different this time around.” The memory ended as Azrael died and the fade shifted into a calm forest. The younger elf gulped, looking around at the fade and lowering her sword. She took a long time to decide, but spirit Azrael was not keen on pushing her. Forcing a decision would make her out to be demon make her younger self even more wary. Finally the younger elf nodded her head in acceptance, a determined fire in her eyes.
“Someone would have to be crazy to fake all of that, and a demon wouldn’t show me my death to entice me. Or at least I hope so… So you may do as you wish.” She smirked roguishly and offered her hand. “Let’s save the world again.”
The spirit took her hand and smirked back as they shook.