Chapter Text
Sitting on the floor and leaning against the back of her couch, Alex sat cross-legged in her living room and stared out of the window. It was already dark outside, and the rain pattered against the window panes. Looking down at her hands, she started swirling the red liquid in her wine glass and then took a long sip.
She knew it was time to stand up and get changed for the upcoming gathering at her apartment, but there was something comforting about sitting in complete darkness, the room only dimly lit by the city lights.
Listening to the raindrops, Alex closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Shutting off all the noise and watching the city that never sleeps from afar reminded her of the existence of a bigger world—a world with millions of different lives. When was the last time she had taken a moment to appreciate being alive?
Trying to cling to those uplifting thoughts, her mind automatically drifted to a different aspect of her life. Watching the hustle and bustle of New York City—even if she couldn’t actually make out people from afar—always calmed her down somehow. Yet, it was a forthright—almost cruel—way to remind her that she was sitting in her apartment on her own.
Alex Levy was never alone. Constantly being surrounded by coworkers, assistants, reporters, and cameras made her value those precious moments when she was left with nothing but her thoughts even more. But there was a disparity between being alone and loneliness.
Never in her life had she felt lonelier than she did right now. She was used to not having a partner, being independent, and fighting her own battles. But as time progressed, she realized how lonely it could get at the top. Giving her everything she hadn’t even known she needed only to violently wrest it away from her again was a particularly savage slap in the face that had left Alex abandoned, hurt, and drained.
All she wanted was to fall into his arms again at the end of the day. Nothing could replace the feeling of comfort and safety she had felt with him, and even though she was already sitting in her own apartment, she couldn’t get rid of this longing to finally go home.
Forcefully, she breathed out the air she had been holding in and tried breathing steadily again.
There was no point in dwelling on the past. Everything had taken place the way it had, and history couldn’t be changed. One day, she would be able to look back at the time she had shared with Paul and smile over those beautiful little moments that had changed her life for the better. But right now, she had every right to be angry, disappointed, and sad, and Alex wouldn’t even want it any other way. She knew she had to take her time to mourn her lost love and the betrayal he had caused her. Until she was able to embrace life to the fullest, she would take one step at a time so that one day she would be able to run freely again.
Loud chatter echoed through her apartment while Alex took in the clinking of glasses and the soft music playing in the background. With one hand, she smoothed out her black dress that ended right above her knees, and she tried not to make it too obvious how she just wanted to fall into her bed and sleep for an eternity.
The room was filled with all kinds of people from UBA and NBN to celebrate the upcoming merger of the two companies, and everything was almost signed, sealed, and delivered. Alex didn’t really see the point in celebrating it beforehand, but she also didn’t mind throwing a little house party, so she gave her best to enjoy herself.
All evening, she had spent talking to numerous colleagues, executives, and journalists, and at this point, her social battery was empty, which she tried to cover by watching the other people from afar.
“You okay?” a voice asked with a smile, approaching her.
Alex looked up in surprise and immediately relaxed, realizing it was Mia.
“My feet are killing me,” Alex answered truthfully with a sigh while leaning against the bar behind her.
“Oh, I’m burning these when I get home,” Mia laughed, pointing to her high heels.
“It’s a lovely party, by the way,” Mia spoke again when Alex didn’t say anything.
“Thanks,” Alex smiled and let her eyes wander around the room again.
She felt comfortable in Mia’s presence, but events like these didn’t feel the same when Bradley wasn’t there. But even though Mia and Alex weren’t talking too much, it was a comfortable silence. Right now, there wasn’t anything left to say, and the two women enjoyed observing their surroundings without forcing a conversation.
Feeling content about being the host of a successful gathering, Alex started wondering about what the future of this merger would bring. When everything was settled, it would mark the beginning of a new era, and Alex couldn’t wait to embrace a fresh start and a new part of her life.
In moments like these, she felt pleased because she was occupied with entertaining her guests and being Alex Levy, who always maintained her facade. But later tonight, she would simply be Alex, and everything would crumble again.
From afar, she could make out the distinctive sound of her elevator doors opening, and Alex straightened up, pushing her thoughts aside.
“I think that’s Isabella with my laptop,” Alex explained to Mia, and she made her way to her hallway.
She had forgotten her laptop in the studio today and had asked her assistant to get it for her. Hopefully, Isabella had also brought her charger along, Alex thought as the clicking of her heels echoed through the hallway.
Almost tripping over her own feet, Alex abruptly came to a halt when she recognized the person standing in front of the elevator.
“Paul?” she asked in disbelief, her eyes popping out of her head, before she could even think about what to do next.
Quickly, she glanced around to see if anybody was watching them, but no one stood in the hallway, and they weren’t visible from the living room.
What the fuck was he doing here? Why did he think he had any right to enter her property whenever he wanted? Hadn’t he hurt her enough? Did he have to go out of his way to make her suffer even more? Was he that cruel?
“Alex…” Paul whispered in a broken voice, immediately stopping Alex’s train of thought.
Surprised, she looked up and into his eyes for the first time, and to her dismay, she noticed that he was crying.
“I’m so sorry for just barging in here,” he almost stammered, visibly in distress, and Alex’s heart doubled its speed just by hearing his voice again.
“It’s just—” he breathed, “my father passed away.”
Her heart broke at the sight of him, and she had to fight the tears welling up in her eyes while she automatically took a step closer to him.
“And I just had to see you,” he continued in a trembling voice, “because I didn’t know where else to go.”
This was her last straw, and she rushed forward, closing the distance between them and pulling him into a tight embrace.
His scent and warmth of his body immediately soothed her and allayed her fears, and Paul wrapped his arms around her body like he was drowning while she pressed herself against his torso.
Alex knew how much he had hurt her and that he was actually the last person she wanted to see right now because it was simply too painful. But seeing him like this—a broken man with aching sorrow—awakened something inside of her that she had no control over.
Was it kindness, pity… love? Alex didn’t know. But she knew that all she wanted to do right now was alleviate his pain and make those tears go away.
“My apartment is filled with people,” she whispered after moments of soothing silence, looking up to him.
His green eyes, usually sparkling with joy, were dull, and the tears glistened in the soft lighting of the hallway. Trying to fight the power of those eyes to completely mesmerize her, Alex gave in, and the emotions spread between them, washing over her like a tidal wave.
Paul looked up in surprise at her statement, only now noticing the chatter and music in the background.
As Alex observed the unique features of his face, she realized there was a snowball’s chance in hell that she would ask him to leave now. Alex could feel that Paul needed her in this moment, and even though he was the reason she couldn’t sleep at night—and if she did, he haunted her in her dreams—Alex would do anything in her power to ease his agony.
“Come on,” Alex whispered before he could turn around and leave, gently taking his hand.
Not being able to think clearly, Paul intertwined his hand with hers and automatically followed her, still emotional and agitated.
Hurriedly, they rushed through the hallway before anybody could see them and entered Alex’s bedroom. Quickly, she closed the door behind them, and in surprise, Benny lifted his head from his laid-back position on the floor.
“I think it’s better when nobody sees you,” she breathed, explaining the secrecy.
“Of course,” Paul answered, not having expected anything else.
If he was being honest, he had expected her to kick him out of her apartment the second she saw him. He knew he had no right to enter her life just like that, and the fact that she hadn’t beaten the living daylight out of him filled him with gratitude.
This woman was simply incredible, he thought, and he noticed how his heartbeat quickened its speed.
“I have to get back out there,” Alex whispered apologetically and grabbed both of his hands to squeeze them in a comforting way.
“How about you stay here with Benny,” she continued when he didn’t respond due to his lack of words, “and I’ll come to you as soon as everyone is gone?”
“That would be great,” he answered in a hoarse voice, trying to put on a smile for her.
After looking at him compassionately for the last time, Alex walked to the door and slipped outside. Left behind, Paul stood in the middle of the room that used to be their sanctuary and looked down at his hairy friend, who looked up at him, wagging his tail happily.
Outside the bedroom, Alex lingered in front of the closed door, still not grasping what had just taken place. Usually appearing composed and collected to the public, Alex Levy realized how her facade slowly began to crumble, and she had to brace herself for the imminent amount of eyes on her that were probably able to tell how she was incapable of keeping the whirlwind of emotions, roaring inside of her, hidden.