Archive of Our Own

“I want you to take yourself on a date. Some self love.”

“What like havin’ a wank?”

“If you think you’re such a shit partner, I want you to pretend to be your own. Think of it as homework, or fun.”

Roy should be thankful for Sharon. She’s helped him a lot especially after Keeley had told him in no uncertain terms that he’s searching for something in people that he can’t find within himself and that he should seek therapy before all hope is lost.

But right now all he can think about is how fucking stupid she sounds.

“Sounds fucking stupid.” She ignores him.

“What would you do if you were taking a woman on a date? Or a man.” Her raised eyebrow is taunting him and making him regret ever telling her he thinks about men too. And about how he always has but it wasn’t until his retirement that he felt like he was allowed to truly do anything about it beyond a quickie in the showers or a blowjob in a club bathroom.

“I don’t fucking know.” She levels him with a look, “fuck fine. Flowers I guess. If I gave a shit.” He looks over at the paintings on the wall that are supposed to make him feel something but just piss him off.

“Right and we are giving a shit about ourselves now aren’t we?” He rolls his eyes but gives the slightest of nods. “Isn’t that what you told me? ‘I wanna give a shit about myself and others the way I’m supposed to.’”

“Your impression needs work.” She makes a noise.

“I thought it was pretty accurate.”

“Yeah alright, it was great.”

They end the session with Sharon more or less telling him that he can be stubborn all he likes, it’s only his money he’s wasting. He knows that she’s absolutely right, but it still makes him growl and walk out the office anyway.

He walks to and from therapy, even though it makes his knee ache and his jaw clench. It’s good for him, since his injury. He’s been putting off surgery long enough that he’s pretty sure his sister is going to wind up scheduling it without him. He could do it now that he’s coach, but he really just doesn’t fucking want to. So he walks, and tries to pretend like every step doesn’t make him want to scream out. He really should start stretching before leaving, but he just can’t be bothered to put that much effort into himself right now. People have been asking him if he’s Roy Kent, less now that he’s not playing or the focus of Sky fucking Sports. He denies it every time and is always met with a it is you! He doesn’t know how to tell them that he isn’t Roy Kent and he hasn’t been Roy Kent in a really fucking long time. An embarrassing indecent amount of time.

He’s on his way home when he spots a bright sign in the window, Oopsie Daisies!

Just his fucking luck. He slows down in front and looks in the window, seems unassuming enough, with only a couple of customers walking about. He decides to just say fuck it and do his homework so Sharon can suck it when it doesn’t fucking work.

A bell chimes as he opens the door, and he hears a shout ring through the small shop.

“Just a moment!” He didn’t ask for help and he certainly doesn’t fucking want it.

He walks through the shop and looks at the rows of flowers. There’s a wall of every color rose that graces this planet and he turns his nose up. Roses are fine. They are. They remind him of funerals and weddings and things that he’ll never have. Maybe it’s best to steer clear of those thoughts, feels like it’s against the rules to think about how he’s unlovable when he’s trying to do something as fucking radical as love himself.

He doesn’t know why he suddenly feels afraid, and stupid, and fucking out of place. Sharon’s been making him name his fucking feelings and he fucking hates it. No, loathes it. No one gives him a second glance and he looks at the door. He could still leave, this doesn’t matter. Sharon isn’t watching him and he can always lie when he sees her next week. But he spots some fluffy flower that is so fucking large he can’t stop himself from touching the petals. He wants to pick up flowers just because they look nice, but he’s not sure if he’s allowed to or how to make them look good. He’s definitely not asking for fucking help.

Someone clears their throat next to him and he turns to glare at them. It’s a man about his height. Definitely younger but he has lines by his eyes like he’s lived a life of laughter, Roy wonders if the lines between his eyebrows show he’s lived a life of anger. Or that he’s just always fucking frowning. The man in front of him is pretty, even though it pains Roy to admit it. He definitely recognizes Roy, if the quirk of his eyebrows is anything to go by, but he doesn’t say anything fucking stupid. His eyelashes are so long that Roy gets distracted. He’s looking at Roy like he’s waiting for Roy to answer a question when Roy realizes he missed him ask.

“What?” He says it loud enough that the other man backs up slightly and his eyebrows jump up to his hairline.

“I asked if you were alright?” Mancunian.

Roy grunts and nods instead of answering and the other man raises his eyebrows but does not move away.

“Can I help you find anything?” Roy grunts again and he walks away from the man hoping he’ll get the hint.

“Alright jeez,” he hears him say under his breath Roy wants to laugh and sneer and lash out.

He doesn’t though, instead he walks through the shop and touches petals and leaves as he goes. Nothing calls out to him and he doesn’t want to make the wrong choice, or if there even is a wrong choice. He could ask the other man working here, he looked like he was nice and intimidated by Roy. But he doesn’t fucking want to ask. He feels like a petulant child, but this whole fucking thing is stupid. Stupid fucking therapy and stupid fucking Sharon and these stupid fucking flowers and stupid fucking Roy Kent. He breathes out deeply and closes his eyes.

What’s worse than making a fool of yourself over some flowers? Having to admit to your fucking therapist that you couldn’t do something as trivial as buying yourself some fucking flowers because you didn’t want to ask for help.

Roy rolls his shoulders back and cracks his neck. When he turns around to where the employee is standing, Roy catches him as he looks away very quickly. Like he had been watching Roy have an existential crisis in front of his azaleas. Roy raises an eyebrow but continues to the desk where the man is.

Roy stands in front of him and he doesn’t have a name tag but he’s grinning at Roy with a goofy fucking look on his face. He doesn’t know why that pisses him off.

“So you need my help after all?”

“Fuck off.”

“Mate, you can fuck off. This is my shop.” Whatever. “You have to ask me.”

“What?”

“Ask me nicely to help you.” Roy rolls his eyes at the man.

“Fucking fine.” He looks at Roy patiently, but his smile grows by the second. “I need.” He’s dragging it out. “Some assistance.”

“No, do it better, come on I know you can!”

“I’m not a fucking toddler! Do you treat all of your customers like this?” He laughs in Roy’s face.

“No, just the grouchy old prick ones.”

They stare at each other, Roy gets the sense that the other people in the room might be holding their breath. He grinds his teeth before speaking lowly.

“Will you.”

“Jamie.”

“Will you, Jamie. Help me, Roy.”

“What a weird way to phrase that.” Roy grunts and looks at Jamie expectantly.

“Fucking well? Will you help?” Jamie smirks and rounds the desk to stand in front of Roy.

“Yes, but only because you asked oh so nicely.”

“Cheers.” He says it through gritted teeth and Jamie looks like he’s having the time of his life.

“Right, so. What are you looking for?” Roy shrugs and turns to face the blooms in front of him.

“I don’t fucking know do I?” Jamie’s shoulders drop, and Roy apparently does have a heart after all. “Sorry. I’m just trying to get some flowers.”

“Hmm. Do you know what you don’t want?”

“Roses.” Jamie nods and leads them around the place.

Jamie plucks a couple of different flowers and varying types of leaves wordlessly. He sometimes holds some of the flowers up against Roy and will tilt his head and either deem it worthy or put it back.

“Alright?” He holds the bunch out to Roy for final approval and Roy nods. They look nice enough.

Jamie wraps them up in nice brown paper and then ties it off with a black satin ribbon. Roy pays, grunts in thanks and then gets the fuck out of there.

He puts the flowers in a vase when he gets home and for some reason he can’t throw away the ribbon Jamie so carefully tied for him. He slides it into a drawer in his kitchen and decides to forget about it.

So the first time he meets Jamie, he fully fucking blames Sharon.

*****

The first time Jamie met Roy Kent he was nine years old and his mummy brought him to a Chelsea game. They waited outside for ages for Roy and when he saw Jamie, he growled at Jamie which only made Jamie laugh. Roy had knelt down to Jamie’s level, signed his poster and told him to be good.

The second time Jamie met Roy Kent he was an absolute utter twat about it. All rude and prickish. And for what? Some flowers for whoever he was fucking? Ugh, and he didn’t even give Jamie his number to join his rewards program. One free bouquet a month is a really sweet deal and Roy Kent is fucking missing out.

He had replayed the entire ordeal to anyone who would listen. To Sam, to his mum, to one of his regulars, hell he even told the barista at the shop across the street. He relayed it when he was in bed and in the shower and one time on the sofa. He left those bits out from his mum, but the lads got the full extent of it. He regrets not flirting harder, if Roy ever comes back Jamie decides to fully lay it on him. Doesn’t matter if he’s only been papped with women, Jamie’s gonna shoot his shot with Roy Kent even if it puts him out of business due to inappropriate workplace flirting.

The third time Jamie meets Roy Kent, it’s raining and Jamie is on the verge of a mental breakdown. A shipment of peonies didn’t come in and the wedding is tomorrow, and on top of that Sam called out sick today and Jamie could just really fucking use a break.

The bell dings, telling him someone’s just walked in and he takes a deep breath realizing he’s going to have to pray harder if he wants a break. He stares at his computer screen and hopes that whoever just entered is fine with being left alone. He’s wrong of course, because someone grunts in front of him. He looks up to give the person a piece of his mind when he recognizes exactly who is in front of him. He’s drenched from his walk, but he doesn’t look like he even cares.

“Royo.” Roy winces. “Sorry. Roy, hello.”

“The fuck’s wrong with you?”

“Do you care?” Roy thinks and then shrugs. Jamie starts counting on his fingers, “flowers are missing, expensive flowers! Someone called out of work, and I haven’t had a second to eat. You’re here. I could go on.” He wiggles his fingers at Roy.

They stare at each other for a moment, and Jamie really takes the man in. His eyes are a little red, and he doesn’t look as angry as the last time he was here. In fact, if Jamie didn’t know any better he would say Roy looks almost, nice. Or sad. Maybe. Jamie actually doesn’t know any better.

“Not to be a pain in your ass, but would you make me something nice like last time?” He says it like someone’s pulling his teeth. But Jamie finds himself nodding all the same. Roy Kent called his flowers nice.

“Yeah, you liked em?” Roy nods and then looks away.

“Could do with less yellow.”

“Less yellow it is. Come on, hold them for me.”

Jamie places the flowers in Roy’s hands, and Roy takes them obediently. For someone so dominating he seems… almost docile around Jamie. Jamie wants to push all of his buttons and make him snap, see that anger that Roy is a legend for. But he doesn’t hate this version of Roy either.

He steers clear of the roses again like last time, it seems whoever these flowers are for Roy wants to go the extra mile and not just get the traditional bouquet. Jamie bets she’s a blonde, or another famous athlete, or worse someone beautiful from Love Island.

“Did they last long?” Roy hums at him, “the flowers. Did they stay fresh?”

“Yeah.”

Oooookay, it’s like pulling teeth.

“Stop being fucking weird, man. You’re scaring the flowers.” Roy laughs a creepy little chuckle, and Jamie turns to stare at him.

“I’m not being weird, you’re being fucking weird.”

“Roy, man you’re standing here and you’re not talking shit. Something’s gone wrong.”

“Fair enough.” Roy says and then he points to some eucalyptus. “Grab some of that.”

“Ask me nice.”

“Will you please, be so fucking kind. As to put some of that green leafy shit in my hands.” Jamie rolls his eyes but hands him the eucalyptus all the same.

“Thank you, fuck. What’s got you all weird? Last time you wanted to rip my fucking head off.”

“Still debating it.”

Jamie takes the flowers from Roy’s hands and he tries not to pay attention to how warm Roy’s skin is when he grazes it. He turns away from him thankful for the excuse to look away.

He is absolutely fucking bombing this, he can’t tell anyone Roy came back in or how badly Jamie is doing at trying to pick up Roy fucking Kent. He’s having an off day, he swears. He arranges the flowers neatly, and wraps them with the fancy bridal ribbon again. He’s not supposed to use it all the time due to his own rules, but it’s fucking Roy Kent, Jamie’s gonna splurge and give him the fancy flowers and the fancy ribbon.

Roy has his card out and ready by the time Jamie turns around to him, and he’s got a frown on his face.

“What? I did less yellow.” He sounds like a whiny child even to his own ears.

“Nothing. Here.” Jamie takes his fancy metal credit card and it’s cool in Jamie’s hands. Roy signs the receipt, takes the flowers, and salutes Jamie before leaving.

Yeah, Jamie’s sooooo not telling anyone about this one.

*****

Roy didn’t mean to make it a habit, but when Sharon asked how the flowers made him feel, he smiled despite himself. She waited patiently until he opened up and told her that they lasted a long time, but that it’s time to get him some new flowers. He didn’t tell her about Jamie, he’s not ready and it’s none of her business if he flirted with some guy at a flower shop.

They talked about his grandad today, about the pain Roy feels in his absence. They talked about how grief never really goes away or gets easier, it just. Is. And you learn to move with it instead of against it. Sharon had pointed out with ten minutes left in his session that he’s not only grieving his grandfather, but the absence of his parents, as well as the life he would have without the pain from his injury. He shouts and then they sat in silence for the remainder of his session.

He gets lost in it on his walk home, the rain isn’t heavy but he feels it soaking through his clothes. He feels a pang of nostalgia for his childhood, running around in the rain with his grandfather chasing him and he almost forgets to go to Jamie’s shop. When he walks in he expects to be annoyed by Jamie’s enthusiasm but instead he finds Jamie with his head in his hands staring at his computer. Roy takes his time making his way to Jamie and allows himself the time to observe him. Except instead of the smug and enthusiastic Jamie that Roy predicted, he gets an upset and stressed Jamie.

Roy decides for once in his miserable life, to not be a prick. So he stays quiet, and does what he’s told and pays before getting the fuck out of there.

The next time Roy goes to see Jamie, he’s in a rotten fucking mood. He woke up worse than normal and with a crick in his neck. He spent a solid fifteen minutes of his therapy session just staring at Sharon with her staring right back. He didn’t know how to put into words the pain he was feeling. How it radiates and how it overtakes his every breath.

“I’m fucking exhausted.” Is how he started.

“I’m tired of being lonely.” Is how he ended.

So yeah, it’s been a fucking shitty god damn day. He thinks maybe he should skip getting the flowers, but part of him is committed to fucking dating himself or whatever the fuck Sharon wants him to do.

She’s right is the thing, Roy has to love himself or whatever, and he does. Just not. All of himself. He doesn’t like the bits he’s feeling today. And no one is going to love the version of himself he’s being today.

“There he is! My favorite grouch.” Jamie practically shouts through the shop when Roy walks through.

“Fucking hell, are you always here?” He flinches at the volume of Jamie’s voice.

“Yeah, mate. I own the place.” He says with a level of sass that Roy wants to spank out of him. He shakes his head, Roy can’t think about that. He’s dating himself. “You’re skittish as fuck.”

“Right.”

“And you’re in your usual cheery mood I see.” There’s mischief in his eyes, “perfect, wouldn’t have you any other way.”

“You won’t be having me at all.” Roy growls as he walks to where Jamie starts his collection for Roy he hears Jamie scoff behind him.

“In your dreams, old man.” Jamie says and hands him some pink carnations. Roy grunts but holds his hands out for Jamie to fill all the same.

He watches Jamie work, and tries not to grow frustrated with how long Jamie is taking. The pain isn’t just his knee anymore, he shouldn’t have walked today. It’s up in his hip now too, that stinging burning pain that makes it feel like his leg won’t be there to hold him up when he walks. He shifts his weight and he must make a face because Jamie is frowning at him.

“Your knee?” Roy glares at him. “Got it, I’ll just shut the fuck up and get your flowers then.”

And that’s. Not how Roy should have responded, but he seems to have hit a nerve in Jamie and he’s not sure how to backtrack. Or if he even wants to. None of it fucking matters, he can go to a different shop next week.

Roy hates that every single fucking thing about him is public knowledge. For once, he wants to forget about it. And when he’s in the little flower shop, it’s easy to pretend that he’s just a man buying himself flowers.

Jamie hurries through grabbing what he wants and Roy follows along. Jamie wraps his flowers with a dark red satin ribbon this time. Roy pays, says thank you this time and then leaves Jamie the fuck alone.

He’ll wake up the next day feeling guilty, especially when he looks at the flowers in his kitchen. He’s supposed to do something else nice for himself this week, he’s not sure what it is yet.

*****

So Jamie’s a fucking disaster when it comes to Roy Kent. He knows to expect Roy every Tuesday around two thirty. He dressed nice this morning, determined to make right what he clearly fucked up last week.

He’s been kicking himself for bringing up Roy’s knee from the moment it came out of his mouth. He had been trying to play it cool, and then he just fucking. Ruined it. He’s tried to make it seem like he didn’t care who Roy was, when he cared so so much. Jamie shouldn’t have snapped at Roy though, it was unprofessional and inappropriate and he plans on saying just that to the man when he walks through the doors.

Sam had made fun of Jamie relentlessly, when Jamie confessed about the last encounters with Roy. Told him he should be praying that Roy comes back and when Jamie confessed that he was, Sam cackled right in his face. Jamie thinks his prayers worked off, because he watches as Roy walks by his window, fixes his hair, and opens the door to the shop.

He’s scowling, but he looks around for Jamie and his eyebrows relax when he sees him. Jamie stands up straighter, and walks towards him.

“I’m sorry.” They both say at the same time, Roy tilts his head at Jamie, as if to say what the fuck for.

“I’m sorry I was so rude to you, it was unprofessional of me. I’m glad you’ve decided to give my shop another chance, Mr. Kent.” He’s laying it on thick, but Roy’s eyebrow raises at the use of his last name.

“I wasn’t going to stop coming just because you were a prick.” He looks offended, “I’d stop coming if you weren’t, and don’t fucking call me that. Makes me sound old.”

“You are old.”

“Prick.”

“Right.” Jamie trails off. “Anyway, you were sorry?” Roy grunts and looks away. His hair is getting longer, Jamie wonders if it’s as soft as it looks.

“Yeah. Sorry.” And that’s all he gives, but Jamie doesn’t need more. He nods and moves to give Roy his flowers.

Roy trails after him like he always does, Jamie’s pretty sure he could do this all on his own by now. But he takes pride in the fact that Roy wants Jamie to do it for him. Makes Jamie feel like he’s special. He always chooses the best ones, even if they are going into someone else’s hands. He ties them off with an emerald green ribbon today. Here goes nothing, he can be cool and suave.

“Pretty flowers for a handsome man!” Jamie says as he passes them over to Roy. Roy jumps like he’s been stung.

“Who the fuck told you?” He barks and Jamie backs up a little bit, “how did you know?”

“How did I know what?” Roy’s frown deepens.

“How did you know I was gay?” Jamie’s jaw drops. Roy’s fucking gay?

“I didn’t know you were gay!”

“But you said?”

“Yeah, I said ‘pretty flowers for a pretty man,’ man I was talkin’ about you! Was trying to flirt with you!”

Roy looks like he wants the ground to swallow him whole. He throws fifty pounds at Jamie and snatches the flowers from him and practically fucking runs out the store.

“Jamie, that was brutal. And painful to watch.” Jamie jumps at the sound of Sam’s voice.

“Fuck, I forgot you were here.”

“I will not take offense to that considering your soulmate just came out to you.”

“Thanks, man.” Sam claps him on the shoulder and Jamie has to excuse himself to the back cooler.

He lets the cold air wash over him and he puts a hand up to his mouth. What the actual fuck just happened? Jamie was just trying to call Roy handsome! Trying to warm up to asking him if he wants to get a coffee or a drink or like fall in love sometime. And instead he accidentally fucking outed Roy Kent. Well, he outed himself. What the fuck.

Roy Kent. Jamie can’t wrap his fucking head around it.

He tries to make sense of it all. The flashy parade of women throughout the years, the way none of his relationships seemed to last longer than a year. The convenient way he brings his sister to every event he’s been forced to go to.

Part of him wants to run to his dad and tell him that Jamie can be into men because Roy Kent is. If a “man’s man” can take it up the ass then so can Jamie god dammit. He’d love to throw his father’s words right back in his fucking face. He’d have to visit a cemetery in Manchester to do it, but he considers making the drive just to spit on the grave. Jamie’s dad wasn’t much of one, and when he died and left Jamie what little remained of him. Jamie used that money to open the one thing that James used to throw in his face. Jamie used to always steal the neighbors flowers to bring home to Georgie to make her smile. James couldn’t fucking stand it, said his boy was too soft.

But instead Jamie stands in the cooler, surrounded by flowers and thinks about how his childhood idol and present day customer Roy fucking Kent plays for the same team Jamie does. He starts laughing, it bubbles out of him and he can’t stop it. When Sam finds him some time later he’s still laughing and pacing, Sam walks out slowly with his hands raised which just sets Jamie off more.

*****

Roy fucking blew it.

“I fucking blew it.”

“You didn’t blow it. Tell me again what happened.”

Sharon urges him to continue. He cracked last week and scheduled an emergency session. He blew up at her, told her everything with about a thousand fuck’s thrown in. She looked unimpressed by his theatrics, but she didn’t show pity and Roy was certain she would.

“I’ve always been a total prick to him. And now I’ve fucking gone and fucked it by fucking. Coming out.” He spits it like it brings him shame, and he thinks maybe deep down it does on some level.

“Roy, you didn’t ruin anything by being yourself.”

“Calling me a prick isn’t very professional.” He sounds like a petulant child.

“I was saying there’s nothing wrong with you being queer.”

“Right.”

And that’s true, Roy’s been trying to weasel out what of his past was just compulsory heterosexuality and what was real. He thinks Keeley was real. But he’s not sure about the rest, it felt good it wasn’t horrible or traumatic or something he suffered through. He actually had a pretty fucking good time during his sleazy era. And obviously it’s fine if other people are gay or queer or whatever, but he’s Roy Kent. It’s almost not allowed to be himself and well, be himself. Sharon looks at him while he takes his time to think.

“I definitely fucked it though.”

“Roy, please be serious.” She says it with a playful smile so he knows she’s not actually upset by him completely avoiding the reality at hand.

So today’s homework was to go get flowers and to apologize. Not for being yourself, but for walking out. So now he’s gotta go fucking do that.

Their session ends with Sharon telling him she’s proud of him for telling someone besides her and his sister, even if it was an accident. She still considers it a win.

He walks to Oopsie Daisies! rehearsing what he’s going to tell Jamie. It all flies out the window, when he sees Jamie flirting with a customer through the shop window. He wants to leave unnoticed but he catches the exact moment Jamie sees him. His eyes widen and he takes his hand away from the other man’s bicep. And well. Roy didn’t prepare for this today. So he’s not proud to say he walks away.

He goes home, and thoroughly regrets it the entire walk home. The flowers from last week stare at him from the vase they’re still clinging to. He grabs them and throws them in the bin before sighing. Coward. He opens the drawer where all of the ribbons are and he decides to stop being such a fucking asshole as he snatches his keys off their hook and walks right back to Jamie’s fucking shop.

Jamie isn’t behind the desk when he walks in. Instead the young man with big brown eyes stares at him. He waves both of his hands at Roy nervously.

“Uh. Hello, Mr. Kent.” Roy winces and so does the other man. “Sorry. Hi. Jamie just stepped out.”

Roy nods slowly and looks around. He feels like he could maybe do this on his own, and for some reason he can’t bring himself to ask this other man for his help. Regardless of how kind he looks.

“When will he be back?” When Roy looks back at him he’s furiously typing on his phone and he looks up with an awkward smile.

“He just texted, oh. He wants me to read this out loud?” Roy nods, and the other man winces. “‘Tell that hairy’ so sorry Mr. Kent, ‘prick,’ again so sorry, ‘that if he runs away again he has to buy every flower in the shop and I know he can afford it!’”

Roy snorts and the other man looks like he’d rather be anywhere but here.

“I’ll be back when Jamie is.”

He walks across the street and grabs a tea for himself as he watches out the window like a hawk for Jamie’s stupid fucking face. He drinks about half of his tea before he sees Jamie honest to god running down the fucking street. He doubles over with his hands on his knees at the neighboring business before straightening himself out, fluffing his hair, and walking into his own shop. Roy wants to laugh, but he keeps his face as neutral as he can as he throws away what’s left of his tea and walks across the street, right to Jamie.

“You have to buy out my whole shop.” The door hasn’t even closed before Jamie’s turning on him.

“Fuck off, I do not!”

“You ran away again, I specifically told Sam to tell you not to do that!”

“I’m not buying out your whole shop.” Jamie rolls his eyes at Roy.

“Alright man, don’t get your knickers in a twist.”

“My knickers are just fine.”

“I’m sure they are.” Oh he’s smooth with it. Roy hates him.

“Oh my god.” Sam sounds horrified and it seems that Roy and Jamie seem to remember he’s there right at the same time.

“Sorry, mate. Why don’t we just go over,” he grabs Roy by the arm and pulls him towards a giant cooler in the back. “Here.”

The door wooshes closed and then they’re staring at each other in the dark cold room.

“Why did you run away?”

“Which time?”

“Both explanations. Please and thank you.” He worries his bottom lip between his teeth and Roy looks up to the ceiling.

“It’s obvious isn’t it?”

“No.” Jamie looks at him expectantly and Roy nods.

“Right. Well, I’m gay or whatever.” Jamie smiles at him and reaches out a hand to hold Roy’s.

“I’m bi.” Jamie’s voice is too loud and bounces off the walls. “Sorry. Solidarity and all that.” Roy nods.

It’s just. He was just supposed to be buying himself flowers. And taking himself on coffee dates and cooking himself nice meals. It was just supposed to be a bit of self care. It wasn’t supposed to mean anything. But now, he’s got this, whatever this is with Jamie and he finds himself looking forward to fucking Tuesdays. He wants to fire Sharon for even putting him in this position.

Jamie searches his face for something and Roy takes his hand back from Jamie who frowns at the loss.

“No one knows.” Jamie blurts. “I mean. I didn’t tell no one, not my business to share. Did consider driving to my dad’s grave to tell him to suck it.” He trails off and makes a face, “but anyway only me and Sam know.”

“You wanted to tell your dead dad that I’m fucking gay?” Jamie laughs and nods.

“Yeah, he was a homophobe. Hated how much I loved watching you play.”

“Used to watch me play?” A blush rises high on Jamie’s cheeks.

“Fuck off about it.”

They stare at each other for a moment and the buzz from the cooler fills the silence. He looks at the irises that are taunting him.

“Saw you flirting and it pissed me off.” He has no fucking right to it, this feeling. But he has it.

“Why?”

“It’s so. Easy for you.”

“Being hot and sexy? Yeah.” Roy snorts and he’s thankful. Jamie can somehow tell that he’s uncomfortable and instead of making matters worse, he gives Roy an out.

“Can we get out of here and go get my flowers? It’s fucking frigid.”

“Yeah, fuck come on.”

Sam looks at them anxiously when they make it back out to the main room and Jamie laughs as he pulls him into a hug.

“You’re alright, lad. Everything’s good.”

“You worry me.” Sam says and Jamie squeezes him once before returning to Roy.

“Now. Where were we?”

“My fucking flowers.”

Roy’s already where they start and he’s pulled one sprig of delphinium for himself. Jamie quirks an eyebrow at it, but starts grabbing things to coordinate with it. They do this part in silence, like they normally do. And only once they’re at the desk for Jamie to bundle them, does he speak up.

“So who’s the lucky lad getting my flowers every week?”

He grunts instead of answering and he taps his card on the desk. Jamie continues placing the flowers while he waits for Roy to respond.

“No one.” Jamie looks up at Roy with a face that says he doesn’t believe him.

“Liar.”

“No really. They’re not for anyone.” Jamie ties them off with a pink ribbon this time.

“Oh! Are they a player too? You don’t want to out them, that’s fine.” He snips the end of the ribbon in a way that Roy would consider petty.

“No that’s not.” He breathes out slowly and Jamie looks at him with one eyebrow raised. “I’m in therapy.”

“Okay?”

“Fuck. Here.” He hands him the card. “I’m in therapy and my homework is to date myself.” He says through gritted teeth.

“You have homework for therapy?”

“What? Yes. Sometimes.” Roy feels something flare in his chest, defensive. Of him or Sharon he doesn’t know.

“That’s cool, I didn’t know they did that. Thought it was all crying on a couch and stuff.”

“It can be that.” Roy finds himself saying as he takes back his card and signs the receipt.

Jamie hands over the flowers and their fingers brush. Roy wants to scream, he needs to get out of here.

“Do you want to sign up for our rewards program? All I need is your phone number.” Roy scoffs and shakes his head. “You get a free bouquet every month.” Jamie pouts.

“No.” He wants to shove his nose in the flowers in his hand, but he will wait until he’s out of sight.

“Can I give you my number, then?” Jamie says it with a sleazy smile on his face. “Let me take you out.”

“Don’t push it.”

“Okay fine,” he writes down his number on some receipt paper and hands it to Roy. “Call me later, okay?”

“I’ll think about it.”

“I mean it, be nice.” Jamie pouts at Roy. Roy wants to kiss him.

“I’ll call you after you close.” Jamie nods and then Sam is clearing his throat from next to Jamie.

Jamie apologizes and Roy slips out the shop with his flowers and Jamie’s number tucked safely away in his pocket.

*****

Jamie can’t believe his fucking luck. This morning when Roy walked past without getting flowers left Jamie feeling fucking shitty. His words fell flat for the rest of the afternoon, and when Sam told him to go for a walk to clear his head he couldn’t be more thankful.

He’s about ten minutes away from his shop when he gets four texts in a row.

Jamie

It’s Roy

He’s here

Right now

fuck fuck fucj

no you have to STALL HIM

HE CANT LEAVE before i get there !!!!!!!!

no you tell that bastard you tell him THAT I SAID TO TELL THAT HAIRY PRICK THAT IF HE RUNS AWAY AGIAN HE HAS TO BUY EVERY LWOER IN THE SHOP AND I KNOW HE CAN AFFORD IT SAM

you tell him i said that right the fuck now or u have to close all weekend

He doesn’t hear back from Sam, and if he does he doesn’t read it on his sprint back to the shop. He stops at the shop next to his so Roy can’t see him. He tugs his shirt back down and messes with his hair before opening the door.

His shop is fucking empty except for Sam. Always fucking Sam.

“I told you to tell him not to leave!” Jamie says and Sam’s face does that thing that always makes Jamie’s anger subside.

“I know, I read what you said to him. He just said he would be back when you were!”

And then Roy is standing in front of him and Jamie is yelling at him and dragging him into the cooler.

It shouldn’t feel romantic, really. And on some level it really doesn’t. But here’s Roy Kent in front of Jamie telling him that he’s gay and that Jamie has it easy. And Jamie knew what he meant, of course he did. But he played it off as a joke anyway, he could tell by the way Roy’s hands were fisted and his chest was puffed out that he was completely shutting down. Jamie can’t imagine growing up the way Roy did, and having the career that Roy did, and being gay. He keeps quiet while he gathers Roy’s bouquet, and he thinks maybe Roy is thankful for it.

He swears he has game and he’s cool and smooth and whatever else, but for some reason around Roy, Jamie feels like a total idiot around him. Like he never quite says what he wants to in the right way. Jamie finally musters the courage to ask Roy who he’s bringing these flowers home to, he’s surprised to hear Roy’s answer.

Roy takes his therapy seriously and he’s buying himself flowers, Jamie’s not really sure how the two things go together, but he’s just happy that Roy is fucking single. Roy still refuses to join his rewards program, which is fucking stupid if you ask Jamie. But he’s probably stupid disgustingly filthy, like sugar daddy rich so it’s probably fine if he doesn’t get the discount, shit maybe Jamie should be charging him more.

Jamie does give Roy his number though, something about Roy makes Jamie almost want to take it slow. He’s fucking skittish, if Roy’s just figured out he’s gay Jamie doesn’t want to fucking scare him off with how fucking down bad Jamie is for Roy.

He sighs as he watches Roy leave, Jamie’s gonna weasel his way into Roy’s life if it’s the last fucking thing he does. He’s disrupted by his thoughts by a slow clap.

“I am impressed.” Sam says and then he brings his fingers up to his lips to whistle.

“Alright, fuck off lad.” He feels his ears heat up, but Sam claps him on the shoulders.

“I think Roy Kent likes you.” Sam sing-songs and Jamie groans but falls back into Sam’s chest.

“Shut up.”

“Does he know you used to wank to his poster?”

“Sam!”

“You shouldn’t have told me that if you didn’t want me to bring it up. Besides, this is a good thing right?” Jamie groans.

“Mate, how many times have we been over this. Just cause two lads are into lads doesn’t mean they’re into each other.”

“Yes, and normally I would agree with that.” Sam makes a face, like he doesn’t want to say what he’s about to say. “Except it feels like I’m watching softcore porn when you two interact. It’s distracting to the flowers.”

“You think we look hot together?” Sam groans.

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Jamie wags a finger at Sam.

“No, I think it is. I think that’s totally what you’re saying.” Jamie laughs at the way Sam groans.

Sam takes the rest of his shift to laugh at Jamie about how even the orchids were embarrassed for Jamie and how the lilies wanted to scream. Jamie ignores him for the rest of his shift because he knows that when he gets off work, he’s going to have a text from Roy Kent’s phone number.

They get a couple more customers for the day, but the rest of the day is spent daydreaming about being one of the people on Roy’s arm splashed across the tabloids. Is it so bad that Jamie wants to be a bit dramatic on the front page of the daily mail? Yes probably, but more than that he’s learned that Roy Kent is more than what he thought he was.

He’s stubborn and rude and a fucking grouchy old bastard. But Jamie sees how gently Roy holds the flowers, and how seriously he’s taking this whole flower therapy thing he’s doing. And he always smells so fucking sexy that Jamie doesn’t think he’d care if Roy spat in his face and called him an ugly ugly boy.

Jamie’s had fantasies about Roy since he was too young to realize what it meant. He wanted Roy to run him down the way he did the other players. Sometimes the mics would pick up the sounds of his grunts and his cursing. He converted the videos to audio files so he could play them on his ipod. He’s not proud of it now that he knows the man, but he’s still impressed by the younger version of him’s absolute desperation to get off to the sound of Roy Kent grunting and shouting fucking take it in his ears.

He used to fantasize about Roy finding him in the middle of the stadium crowd and taking him away from his life. He used to think about a little more than that, but now that he has the knowledge of what Roy’s voice sounds like when he’s growling out Jamie’s name, he thinks it might not be the best thing to think about when he’s standing next to his best friend.

When he finally locks up the shop, he gets a chance to look at his phone. He frowns at his screen.

“Give him time.” Sam says, all wise and shit.

“Right, yeah.” He still can’t help the feeling of disappointment at the lack of notifications.

He stops for dinner on his way home, and finally makes it back to his flat. It’s not much, but it’s his. He watches a bake off rerun as he eats and he’s startled by his ringtone. Who the fuck calls anymore? It’s an unknown number, and he considers ignoring it for a second when he also gets a text.

It’s me.

“You just did the phone call version of knocking as you open the door.” Jamie says instead of hello and he can hear the air blowing out of Roy’s nose in a sort of laugh.

“Fuck off.” Roy says and then clears his throat. “Hello.”

“Hi.” Jamie says. “I didn’t expect you to call.”

“Told you I would.” A man of his word. “You said to be nice about it. So. Here I am.” He sounds angry as fuck to be saying it and Jamie snorts.

“Well, I’m honored that the great Roy Kent is being nice to me.”

“You don’t have to do that.” Roy’s voice sounds wrong. “I’m not all that great anymore.”

“Nah, mate you can fuck off with that. You’re a legend.” Roy makes a choked off type of sound, “you can be all tortured soul about it all you want but that doesn’t change the facts, babe.”

“Tortured soul?”

“Yeah all oh I’m Roy Kent and I’m sad because people don’t clap for me anymore, man that’s some Tinkerbell shit.”

“I’m going to tell my therapist you called me Tinkerbell.”

“You’re gonna talk to your therapist about me?” Jamie winces after he asks, therapy is private and Roy literally doesn’t owe him anything.

“Yeah, she made me apologize, gotta tell her I did.” Jamie frowns. “Don’t frown.”

“There’s no way you know I’m frowning.”

“Am I wrong?” He sounds amused and Jamie hates it.

“No, fuck you.” He takes another bite of his dinner before speaking, “what are you doing?”

“I’m sitting at my desk looking at some fucking bullshit paperwork.”

“Ooh, sexy. What are you wearing?”

“No!” Roy says and then the bastard fucking hangs up on Jamie.

So Jamie adds Roy to his phone as Hairy Prick and calls him right the fuck back.

They stay on the phone for hours, unfortunately Roy is fucking funny and Jamie doesn’t want to stop trying to make him laugh. Roy tells him about his niece, says she’s the most important person in his life and that Jamie has to respect that. Bit weird, but Jamie’s like stupidly good with kids so he doesn’t think that should be a problem. Jamie tells Roy about his dad, and mummy of course, Roy makes fun of Jamie for how close he is with Georgie. But then in the next breath confesses he doesn’t see his mum much and that he doesn’t remember how her hugs feel. It’s a bit deep for their first ever like real conversation, but when they hang up Jamie feels like he’s been on the best first date of his life. And with Roy fucking Kent no less, he feels like a fanboy about it but he knows it’s not just that.

Roy is kind and grumpy and a total fucking dick. But he’s genuine and he’s more open than Jamie expected. He thinks maybe it’s because they couldn’t see each other, confessions were easier to make. They talk as Roy drives home and Jamie thinks Roy’s road rage is equally funny and sexy. Roy tells Jamie how his last relationship was probably the only real one he’s ever been in but loving her helped him realize what was missing. Jamie tries not to feel jealous of the fond tone Roy’s voice takes on when he talks about her. He tells Jamie about how the flowers play into his therapy as Jamie listens to the sounds of Roy cooking his dinner.

Jamie tells him about how sometimes he’s not sure if he’s going to be able to afford his and Sam’s paychecks sometimes. That while he has enough to stay open, he doesn’t have enough to give Sam the raise he so desperately deserves. If he could get more into the bridal scene he thinks he could do it, but that it’s hard to get his name out and run the shop at the same time. Roy doesn’t say much, the rich bastard, but he does sound like he means it when he says that’s shit.

Jamie’s pretty sure that Roy’s a little freaked about the whole gay thing. Not that he said that, but every time Jamie would flirt Roy would give it right back and then abruptly change the subject. So maybe it’s just Jamie he’s weird about. Jamie hopes he makes Roy nervous, that Jamie’s so funny and sexy that he makes Roy a little silly in the head. But he’s afraid maybe Roy just isn’t all that into him, or worse, Roy considers Jamie just a friend.

*****

Roy’s pretty sure Jamie’s fucked him in the head. He finds himself giggling at his phone like he’s a little fucking teenager with a crush. He’s fucking miserable, he’s enjoying it so much. Jamie’s just funny and sexy and kind and a little bit of a dick and it makes Roy’s head go all…silly.

The lads have been looking at him weird, like he hasn’t been as harsh as normal, Isaac has been eyeing him up since the second or third time Roy saw Jamie. He wonders if it's visible now. He and Sharon have been working on that, the fear of being seen, of being known most of the time he tells her to fuck right off about it, but it’s true.

He’s terrified of being known, he can admit. He’s been this Thing his whole life, and now that he’s more in the background of it all he’s been struggling to figure out where he fits. He’s still him. He’s still Roy, he’s still the little boy who got scouted and the legend who won the whole thing and just that guy that used to be someone and the head coach of Richmond. He can be all those things at once apparently. He fucking hates it.

He feels like himself when he’s with the ladies, he knows they probably know who he is. But, they saw him for who he is without him even telling them. They’re the reason he felt safe enough to go to the gay bars and be around people like him. He probably should buy them something for letting him pretend like they don’t know.

He feels like himself when he’s with the fucking Diamond Dogs, the bastards. When Higgins talks about his wife and Trent talks about his daughter and when Nate stammers out whatever the fuck he’s talking about. But especially, especially with Beard. Roy thinks he knows, or not, it’s hard to tell with Beard. But when it’s just them two drinking a pint together in silence Roy feels seen and known.

He thinks the team loves him for being Roy Kent, but sometimes. Sometimes he’ll see Isaac or Colin watching him as he walks, or Dani will offer him some support when he’s in a shit mood. The other lads try, in their own way, Moe knit him a sweater for his birthday, and Jan always backs up whatever Roy is saying with some bullshit statistics.

With Jamie, it’s different. He’s a total fanboy but in a way that doesn’t make Roy want to cringe from it. He will text him things that make him think of Roy and it’s always something fucking stupid. He’ll call Roy sexy and grandad in the same breath. He asks about Phoebe and always always tries to get Roy to spill team secrets.

So yeah, Roy’s gone a bit soft at the idea of finding someone who seems to give a shit about him and not that he’s…him.

He fights the smile that wants to form on his face as he walks to Jamie’s shop. It’s not a Tuesday, but he told Beard he was going to take a long lunch and he wants to surprise Jamie, fucking kill him.

He picked up his favorite sandwich from the shop down the street, he won’t stop raving about it but he complains about how expensive it is. That’s another thing, Roy knows he shouldn’t. But he can’t help wanting to help Jamie’s situation. Jamie’s so good at what he does, every person leaving his shop leaves with a smile on their face and his online reviews are really nice. He’s already reached out to Keeley, they’re going to meet for lunch next week and he’s going to ask her very very nicely if she will help Jamie’s business. He’s already prepared to pay whatever she asks for her work.

Sam sees him first when he walks in, Jamie’s helping an older woman make a bouquet and he’s laying it on thick. He’s so charming, Roy shares a look with Sam.

“Hey man.” Sam says, he’s chilled the fuck out around Roy. Finally. Roy gives him a nod and stands near him while he waits for Jamie to notice him.

“And over here darling we have some–oh! Roy!” His surprise is visible and his face softens in a way that makes Roy’s insides feel funny. “What are you doing here?”

He walks right over to Roy, with the flowers in his hands and puts his arms around him in a tight hug. The stems of the flowers he’s holding poke Roy in the back but he doesn’t mind. When he pulls back he turns to the woman he was helping.

“Sorry Dorothy, darling.”

“Oh no, dear. It’s nice to see you smile like that.” She has a playful look on her face and she pinches one of Jamie’s cheeks. He swats her hand away and it’s familiar, Roy wonders how long she’s been coming here.

Jamie wraps Dorothy’s bouquet up and Roy watches as he cuts the twine to wrap her flowers up. Hm. She kisses Jamie on the cheek and he hugs her goodbye and Sam gets a hug in as well. Roy doesn’t feel out of place, but he does feel like he’s missing something by the looks on Sam’s and Roy’s faces as she walks out the door. Jamie puts a hand over his heart, sighs, Sam puts a hand on his shoulder.

“The fuck’s going on, why are you two weird?” Roy says once the door has shut behind Dorothy.

“She’s my first regular, besides my mum.” Jamie looks proud as he says it and Sam nods next to him.

“She came here to get flowers for her daughter’s first child and she keeps coming back.” Sam fills in for Jamie and Roy nods, “Jamie, I can stay up front if you want to go in the back?”

Jamie nods and grabs Roy by the hand not holding his lunch and drags him to the back office. He shuts the door quickly behind them and then lets out a breath.

“Hi.” He says it quietly, the way he does when he answers the phone.

“Hey,” Roy says, he wants to lean in and kiss him, something says he should but he doesn’t. He’s afraid to make the first move and ruin the first good thing he’s had in a long fucking time. “Brought you something to eat.”

“Aw you brought me my favorite, you big softy.” He snatches the bag out of Roy’s hand before he can even react and starts ripping into it. “Don’t you have work?”

Roy grunts and Jamie smiles with a big bite of his sandwich in his mouth. Roy should be disgusted.

“You took off work to bring me my fancy lunch? Oh my god, you’re obsessed with me.”

“Fuck you.” Roy steals a crisp from him instead of what he wants to say.

He stays there while Jamie eats, and he makes note of the things in his office and when Jamie sends Roy on his way back to the dogtrack he sticks a daffodil in Roy’s hand and makes him promise to put it in his office.

No one says anything to him as he walks back to his office, but three people eye the bright yellow flower in his fucking hand and he glares at them until they fucking stop. He stops to fill up a mug with water along the way and once he’s in the office Beard nods at him and watches as Roy gently places the flower in the mug. Roy watches Beard watch him. He raises an eyebrow at him daring him to say something.

“New beginnings.” He says cryptically.

“Okay.”

“Narcissus pseudonarcissus.” He says it big and fancy, Roy can hear the italics.

“Sure.”

“That uh, daffodil there. They mean new beginnings.” Roy looks down at it and fights the urge to touch the petals. Beard smirks at him and goes back to the book he’s reading.

Roy pulls his phone out and texts Jamie that everyone is being weird about the fucking flower but he attaches a photo of the flower in the Richmond mug.

He receives about ten pink sparkle heart emojis, three crying, and one smirk in return. Training is a shit show and by the time he’s back in his office he’s ready for a drink. Nate asks him something and he completely ignores him till he walks away, Roy will apologize later but he’s been clenching his teeth so hard he’s got a massive fucking headache.

He’s sitting with his head in his hands when he hears a knock at the door. He wants to tell whoever it is but when he sees it’s Colin he holds it in. He looks up and waits for Colin to start speaking. Colin walks into his office and shuts the door behind him. Shit.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You closed the door, I figured you would.” He motions to Beard’s chair and waits for Colin to sit down, he doesn’t.

“I want to send some flowers to my boyfriend.” Roy blinks at him.

“Okay?”

“I don’t want anyone to know it’s me or that they're for him.”

“You snogged on the pitch in front of the entire world.”

“Yeah but it’s finally calmed down, what if they start writing shit on the type of fucking roses I buy. They’ll say I'm not really gay if I pick the wrong flowers.” Roy snorts but nods.

“It’s called Oopsie fucking Daisies.”

“Really?” Roy looks at him and he nods, “right. Okay.”

“Tell Jamie I sent you if he helps you, if not Sam is also not a dickhead. They’ll be discreet.” Colin types it into his phone and tells Roy thank you before getting the fuck out of there.

When he leaves Roy realizes what a potentially massive mistake that was, inviting Colin in on his secret. He doesn’t think Colin would do anything with the knowledge that Roy’s gay, but he doesn’t need Colin in his fucking business. He leaves the flower in his office when he heads home.

He decides to meet up with Keeley before his therapy session, he’s proud of himself for scheduling it that way considering he’s going to come out to her and ask her to do some marketing work the person he’s trying to impress, just on the off chance she tells him to fuck off and to get lost. He doesn’t think she would do that, but he has to be mentally prepared for whatever happens.

He’s at a little cafe in fucking Shoreditch of all places, Keeley’s been raving about the vibe of this place for weeks and he finally agreed to go. He gets there before her because, of course he does. He hears the sound of her high heels running up the pavement and turns towards her only to get pulled out of his chair and into her arms.

“Roy! I fucking missed you!” She squeals into his ear and he leans into it, just for the hell of it.

“Missed you too.” He pulls out her seat for her and she laughs in his face.

“Now you pull out my chairs.” His chest puffs up, and she looks at him with a glint in her eye. “Kidding, you know you were the perfect gentleman.”

He hums and thinks back, he’s certain he wasn’t always perfect. In fact he remembers all the ways he wasn’t but it doesn’t matter anymore, that heartbreak has been healed. They talk about her work and his for a bit, she’s swamped he wishes the lads would pull their heads out of their asses. It’s all the same as it was.

“Now,” she takes a big sip of her coffee. “I know you didn’t just call me here to catch up. What’s going on, Roy.” She reaches her hand out across the table and Roy doesn’t think twice before grabbing it.

“I have a favor to ask.”

“Oh god, Roy. I thought we’ve been over this.” He rolls his eyes and she smiles at him, always trying to make things a little better, that Keeley.

“I want to hire you to do your magic for someone.” Keeley looks surprised but reaches into her purse for a pen and a fuzzy notebook all the same.

“Okay, and what is the business and what do you want me to do?”

“It’s a flower shop.”

“Ookay, Roy I really am open to taking on a small side project but I need to know a bit more than this?” Her voice goes up at the end and he grunts. “Please? It’s only me.”

“That’s the problem.” She looks pissed when he says it, “I don’t want to make it fucking. Weird.”

“Make it weird. Come on, man.”

“His name is Jamie.” Her face does this funny sort of thing before she settles on a small smile. “He deserves more than he’s got, and I have it. So I want to do this for him.”

“Roy if you’re a sugar daddy you can tell me.” He looks at her and she looks down.

“It’s. More than that.” She reaches out for his hand again and he doesn’t hesitate this time either. He finds he needs the familiar weight of her cold hand in his.

“So what is it?” She asks gently. He looks everywhere but at her, she gives him the space and lets him take his time.

“Gay.” Her eyes widen. “I’m. Gay.”

They blink at each other and Roy has to look away from the surprised look on Keeley’s face, he pulls his hand back and she doesn’t try to hold on to it. He feels so fucking awkward he wants hell to open up and swallow him whole. Sharon didn’t tell him that coming out to the people that mattered was going to be so fucking hard.

“Roy, can you look at me?” She sounds like she did when they broke up, like whatever she says next will alter the course of his life forever. He wipes his hands on his knees and hopes that she can’t tell how fast his heart is beating when he looks up, she looks…happy? That can’t be right.

“What’s wrong with your face?” He asks and she honks out a laugh.

“I’m proud of you, that’s what. Roy, this is big.”

“Yeah.”

“Like really really big. Thank you for telling me.” He rolls his eyes, but she keeps going. “No, Roy. You can be you all you want, but I will be me. This is so good! Oh my fucking god, you’re into the flowerboy.”

He groans and sinks into his seat while Keeley squeals about the whole situation. He missed her and he’s happy she’s happy, he just wishes it wasn't at his expense. She eventually takes pity on him and asks him what he wants her to do about Jamie. They come up with a plan to sort him with a website and to set up some of his socials. She’s also going to start exclusively ordering from Jamie. She asked him if he was sure about this, about Jamie. It’s too soon to really tell, but even if Jamie ends up breaking Roy’s heart he wants to set him up for the success he deserves. Keeley says she’ll get everything up and running in a couple of weeks, and that she’ll be in touch.

He leaves her with a hug and a kiss on her cheek. He heads to therapy with a feeling that he can’t quite name and it’s only once he’s sitting in front of Sharon that he realizes.

“Excited.” She nods and looks at him to force him to keep going. “It went well, telling Keeley. She didn’t make it weird at all.”

“Did you expect her to?”

“It was my worst case scenario.” Sharon raises her eyebrows, “okay fine, my worst case scenario was that she cried or screamed or outed me to the entire world. But I really didn’t want her to be weird about it.”

“What else?”

“I’m afraid of fucking it. With Jamie.”

“You haven’t so far.” She points out, he hates her.

“I’m too much, I know you say I’m not but historically I have been. And here I am making business decisions for him all because he said he can’t afford shit right now. Isn’t that too far?”

“Maybe, maybe not. What if your too much is just enough for Jamie?”

“What if it’s still too much?”

They stare at each other long enough for Roy to realize she’s waiting for him to move them along.

“I already see him every week, we talk all the time. I bring him lunch sometimes and he’s brought me dinner to my office once. I don’t know.”

“So you’re dating and you think it’s too much?”

“We aren’t dating.” He says quickly, he’s not sure who he’s trying to convince.

“Roy, do you want the truth or do you want to feel better?”

“Truth.”

“You’re afraid of it getting good because then you’ll leave, right?” He looks away from her, at the clock on the wall, at his hands. “Roy, you’ve told me you’ve been putting in the work with yourself. Limiting your late nights, spending more time with Phoebe and your sister, your flowers and dinners. Do you still think you’re unworthy of it all?”

“I don’t know.”

He leaves therapy a bit fucked in the head, but he doesn’t want to stop building whatever this is with Jamie, he wants to give it an honest go. He wonders what bouquet Jamie will make him today, and if it will be wrapped in a pretty ribbon like he always does, just for Roy.

*****

Jamie’s in the middle of sending Roy a tweet of two ferrets chasing each other captioned this us when he hears the bell ring. He looks up to greet his customer and he’s completely starstruck. Colin fucking Hughes.

“Oh my god, hi!” Jamie says and Colin winces. “Sorry, I promise I can be normal. Welcome in.”

If Sam were here he would laugh at Jamie, call him out for making a fool of himself in front of his fucking favorites.

Colin doesn’t run away though, instead he glances around the shop quickly before walking towards Jamie.

“Hey, uh. I’d like to send some flowers to someone.”

“I can totally help you with that.”

“Yeah, uh. Roy said you could be discreet?” He scratches the back of his neck as he says it and Jamie wants to scream.

“Roy talks about me?” The look on Colin’s face makes him regret saying that. “Nevermind, forget I said that. Let’s see what we can get made up for you, yeah?”

He helps Colin through making an absolutely smashing bouquet, if he’s allowed to pat himself on the back about it. He gets the address and assures Colin that they will arrive on time and that he won’t make a spectacle of it all. They’re for his boyfriend, Michael, who Jamie literally watched tongue him down on the pitch at the end of last season but. Whatever floats his boat. Maybe he’s afraid people will judge his choice of flowers, but he had a good eye for the whole thing. Jamie hardly had to help.

He feels kinda stupid with the knowledge that Roy Kent talks about him to other people. He knows Roy’s not out obviously it would have been all over his feed. But he talks to his therapist about Jamie and Colin fucking Hughes. God, Jamie told him before he left that he was a massive fan, and that he’s glad he’s getting more minutes. Colin shook his hand and told him he’d be back.

He feels like he needs to say a proper thank you to Roy, take him out for drinks or suck his dick about it. He’s been going a little crazy, waiting for Roy to make the first move. Logically he knows he could make it, but Roy’s so. Roy about it that Jamie doesn't want to scare him off by moving too quickly for that old fart. Doesn’t want to be too keen or whatever. Plus Roy seems a little old fashioned, like he needs three dinners before he puts out, like an old lady. Jamie thinks he’d wait forever for Roy if he asked him to, maybe even if he didn’t ask. He feels like Amy Pond, he’s the girl who waited.

He thinks about it until he closes the shop up. About Roy and about RoyandJamie together.

He already knows Roy will be working late tonight, and that if Jamie wanted to stop by they’d be alone and Roy would show him the pitch if he asked really nicely. Roy had sent him a hundred quid to buy them something nice to eat, and he didn’t ask for the change back. He didn’t even wait to see if Jamie was going to show up, he just sent the money anyway.

In another world Jamie would feel infuriated by Roy thinking Jamie can’t afford to buy them dinner. But not this one, Jamie’s happy to let Roy spend his money on him. Jamie likes being spoiled, is that the worst thing in the world? It’s not even about the amount, it's the intent, Roy’s taking care of Jamie. He’s been taking care of himself for so long, it’s nice to know that Roy is looking out for him. Besides he’s probably only going to get a twenty back, so what’s the big deal.

He picks up Indian on the way to Richmond, Roy must have expected him to show. Because he’s standing outside where he told Jamie to go, and he’s got a smile on his face. He looks so fucking sexy leaning up against the building Jamie has to steel himself.

“Hey you.” Roy says when once Jamie gets closer and Jamie doesn’t fight the smile on his face.

“Hi, Coach Kent.” Roy’s eyes snap to his and if Jamie didn’t know any better, he would think that does it for Roy. But he does know better. He’s got Roy pegged as a guy who likes to be called Daddy, and Jamie is eager and willing for the chance to let that one slip out.

“Fuck off, come on.” He laughs as he says it and he opens the door for Jamie to walk through, he takes the bags from Jamie as he walks past.

Roy points out different parts of Richmond to Jamie as they pass, and Jamie can’t help but look around with wide eyes. Richmond is so fucking important to Roy, even if he pretends like it’s just some job with some guys who he coaches. They’re his family, and Roy is essentially letting him into his house right now. Makes him dizzy with it.

Jamie definitely didn’t expect a dungeon of an office, but he also totally did not expect the two desks in the center of the room being pushed together. The phrase forced proximity pops into his head and Roy must see the confusion on his face.

“Ted.” Jamie nods, he remembers all of that. “Anyway you can sit right–” he pulls the chair from one of the desks and wheels it next to his. “Here.”

It’s only once they’ve dished out their meals, and shared a couple bites of eachother’s does Jamie realize that this is totally a date.

“Hey, so this is a date right?” Jamie asks him, and Roy honest to fucking god starts choking. “Shit!”

Jamie starts slapping Roy on the back and the glare Roy gives him makes him stop fucking doing that. He takes a big sip of his water and fucking growls to clear his throat. Jamie can’t look away but he also can’t look at him either. Once Roy stops coughing and his face is bright red Jamie feels like he can breathe again.

“Okay, so let’s try that again. Shall we?” Roy looks at him and groans.

“Shut up.”

“No, actually I won’t. The thought of dating me nearly killed you.” Jamie knows Roy knows he’s joking, he can see it in the quirk of his big stupid eyebrows.

“You might be the death of me, yeah.” Jamie doesn’t know if Roy is joking. “This isn’t a date, eat your dinner.”

Jamie pouts but does as he’s told. They talk about Phoebe and how she keeps getting in trouble for drawing tits in school. Roy has one of her drawings fucking framed in his office. Jamie asks for his own framed Phoebe original and Roy texts his sister immediately. Jamie tells Roy that Colin came into his shop and Roy rants about it but has a blush on his cheeks as he does.

“This isn’t a date because we’re eating take away in my office. We deserve something better than this.” Roy says and Jamie just smirks at him and throws a piece of naan at Roy.

Jamie doesn’t push, or ask when Roy’s gonna take him out since he’s clearly thought about it. Jamie doesn’t even lean in for a kiss when he wants to. After they’ve finished eating Roy takes him by the hand and leads him out to the pitch.

Jamie’s no stranger to the game or the pitch or stadiums, but he still feels like Roy’s taking him to a church of some sort. Roy leads them to the sidelines and they stand there for a minute taking it all in.

“It’s better than I thought it would be.” Roy says next to him. “Being here, it’s. Good.” Jamie watches him nod to himself.

“What made you transfer? Here of all places.” Roy snorts, “I’m sorry.”

“Didn’t want to wait it out on the bench. I was slowing down.”

“I think you probably didn’t want to let yourself have it too, right?”

Roy turns to look at him, his surprise is clear on his face.

“Something like that, yeah.”

Jamie looks up at the sky and the stars that he can see through the fog. He wants Roy to kiss him, he wants to kiss Roy. He feels like an idiot about it, should just grab him by the shoulders and smack one on him.

He feels Roy’s hand reach for his own and Jamie entwines their fingers. Jamie moves a little bit closer so their shoulders brush, Roy sighs. Jamie wants to lean his head on Roy’s shoulder but instead he turns towards Roy and fucking holds him.

He’s warm and solid against Jamie, and stiff at first but when Jamie tucks his face into Roy’s neck he feels Roy melt into it. He can feel Roy’s hands spread out across his back and Jamie does the same. Like they’re reaching as hard as they can to feel as much as possible.

“This is nice.” Jamie says, it comes out muffled with the way Jamie’s all smushed into Roy’s neck. and Roy rubs his cheek against Jamie’s in response.

Jamie doesn’t really know how he gets home, in the daze he’s in. He knows Roy offered to drive him home, almost refused to take no for an answer, but Jamie likes the ride home. Roy walked with him to his tube stop and kissed him on the cheek and told him he would see Jamie on Tuesday.

He calls his mum once he’s home, he caves and tells her that he’s pretty sure he and Roy Kent are going fucking steady. She promises to keep it a secret, won’t even tell Simon. He tells her about how beautiful Roy’s eyes are up close and that he growls in real life too. Tells her about how even though he’s a total prick, he’s actually dead nice when it comes down to it. She tells him she’s ecstatic for him, that he hopes it’s all he’s ever dreamed about. He falls sleep that night thinking about what it would be like to call Roy his.

Every Tuesday Jamie wakes up extra early and takes special care to pick out a nice outfit. He likes dressing up for Roy even if Roy doesn’t notice it. He picks a nice tracksuit he splurged on last year and styles his hair with extra delicate fingers. He’s not lighthanded with his cologne and he picks his favorite trainers. After he eats his cereal he takes one last look at his outfit and considers himself fuckable enough. He texts Roy a good morning once he’s on his way to the flower shop, even though he knows it’ll be hours and hours before Roy is there. Sam is standing outside when Jamie walks up, he desperately needs to make him a key since he’s determined to always get to work an hour early.

“Morning boss.” Sam says in a yawn, he’s adorable Jamie wants to protect him from evil villains and crazy billionaires and the like.

“Good morning!” Jamie sings at him, Sam rolls his eyes at Jamie as he unlocks the door.

Sam knows what Tuesday’s mean and he appreciates how they make Jamie feel. He confessed one evening that he likes that Jamie’s smiling again. Not that he ever stopped, but now it’s not just for show.

Jamie and Sam open the shop with smiles on their faces and Jamie lets Sam choose the music for the day. The flowers seem to have caught Jamie’s happiness too because he swears they’re brighter than normal. Around eleven, Sam leaves to grab them both a tea and a snack and Jamie takes the lull in customers to check his phone. The headline glares at him and he feels like his heart just dropped through his chest right out of his ass.

He scrolls through the photos as his ears ring, his stomach feels heavy and he honestly can’t tell if he’s about to cry or not. He doesn’t read what the article says past the words this morning, and the pictures speak loudly enough.

There’s photos of Roy and Keeley hugging, him pulling out her chair, them holding hands on top of the table, and her looking at him like he hung the fucking moon.

Jamie feels like he’s going to be sick, he can’t look away from the article. Fucking daily mail, he wants to sob. He scrolls back to the one where Roy looks like he’s asking Keeley to take him back before he hears his name being called.

“Jamie? What’s wrong?” Sam asks him, more gently than Jamie expected. He gets the feeling that he probably looks like a frightened animal. He shoves his phone in Sam’s hands and looks up to the ceiling so his tears don’t fall. “What the hell?”

“He fucking chose her.”

Jamie knew it was too good to be true, Roy was taking it slow for a fucking reason and that reason was that he was never going to choose Jamie. He fucking wishes he could even hate Keeley, from what he’s heard she’s really lovely. And how could he blame Roy for it.

Roy told him that Keeley was the only one that was real, that he truly loved her. How can Jamie compete with that? He feels like a fucking idiot, he honestly believed that he had a chance with Roy. That he was going to get his happy ending, or at least a fucking first date out of it. Sam lets him go hang out in the walk-in to cool down, literally and figuratively.

He looks at the pictures again, over and over. Goes on twitter and finds the ones not in the article, Roy’s face in some of the photos, Jamie’s sure he’s looked at Jamie that way. He’s sure of it. He wants to text Roy, tell him not to come in, to lose Jamie’s number and to find a new fucking flower shop. He feels like he has fucking whiplash.

The yellow roses stare at him from across the cooler and a sick sense of satisfaction worms it’s way into Jamie’s fucking brain. He laughs out loud, infidelity, perfect.

He makes the ugliest bouquet he’s ever made in his entire life with the yellow roses as the centerpiece. He wraps them in paper, uses the twine to hold it together, and waits.

Sam starts making anxious noises and Jamie tells him to go take a lap around two. Tells him he doesn’t have to come back until three. Sam looks like he would rather do anything but leave Jamie alone in the shop when Roy shows up, but he takes the long lunch anyway.

Jamie stands there with the roses held tightly in his fist while he waits for Roy to show his fucking face. Jamie has been preparing how he’s going to throw them at him for the past ten minutes, he’s talking to himself when he catches a glimpse of Roy through the window.

The stupid dopey smile on Roy’s face just pisses him off harder. He seethes as the bell rings. Roy’s smile falters but he still looks happy to see Jamie, which makes him want to scream. And, well. Jamie must have spite in his bones because he can’t stop what’s coming next.

Jamie walks around the desk, right up to Roy and then smacks him right in the chest with the flowers. Three times for good luck and petals fly as he whacks Roy with the bouquet.

“What the fuck?” He says on the first whack. “Jamie!” He says on the second.

Jamie feels satisfied with the bewildered look on Roy’s face and he makes a pleased little noise. He hits him with the roses one last time for good measure. Roy still looks fucking confused and Jamie just won’t have that.

“Here’s your flowers.” Jamie shoves them into Roy’s chest and Roy holds them in place before looking down at them.

“Are these fuck you flowers? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“What the fuck is wrong with me? Roy, what the fuck is wrong with you!”

*****

So it’s definitely not going how he thought it would, Jamie’s staring at him like he’s pissed in his corn flakes. Or like he ran over his cat, or worse. Like Roy fucked up.

“Did she call you already?” Jamie’s mouth drops open.

“You’re going to have her call me to rub it in my face? Roy I knew you were a prick, but I didn’t think you were cruel.”

“Rub it in your face?”

“Yeah!”

“She’s supposed to set up a meeting time with you to go over the plans?”

“Oh my god, you’re going to choose her and then have her meet with me? Roy, you're sick.”

“No. What the fuck do you think is happening right now?” He waves the roses around and Jamie looks down like he’s being scolded.

“You chose Keeley. You’re getting back together.” He says it slow, like he’s talking to a child.

“No. I’m not.”

“You are! And worse, you came here right after? Sick fuck.” He looks disgusted with Roy, frankly.

“Okay! Alright. I am not getting back with Keeley.” Jamie’s eyes light up.

“You’re not?”

“I’m fucking not.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

“Well, what the fuck was that all about then?” Jamie looks more confused than hurt, and Roy can work with that.

“I was trying to help. She’s a wiz at that branding shit. So she’s gonna set you up.” Jamie takes the flowers from Roy and throws them on the desk.

“Roy, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I’m trying to take care of you, if you’ll let me.”

“I’d let you do anything to me.”

Roy doesn’t need to be told twice. He reaches for Jamie and Jamie lets him, he pulls Jamie close to him and then closes the distance between them. Jamie sighs into him and Roy’s hands roam wherever they can reach.

As far as first kisses go, it’s probably the best one he’s ever had. It’s not hurried or sloppy like he expected it to be. Jamie kisses almost like he’s coming home, like he’s relaxing into it. One of Roy’s hands tugs at the hair at the nape of Jamie’s neck and Jamie moans into it, opening his mouth for Roy to explore. Roy doesn’t know how long they stay entwined, but eventually they’re broken apart by someone clearing their throat.

It’s Sam.

It’s always fucking Sam. When Jamie drags Roy to his office, Sam calls after them to not scandalize the flowers.

“I can’t believe you gave me yellow roses and wrapped them up with the twine.” Jamie has the nerve to look embarrassed.

“I thought you were leaving me.” Roy breaks, he’s weak and simple.

“No baby,” Jamie gasps. “My pretty baby, I could never.” He moves Jamie’s hair out of his eyes and kisses him on the forehead.

“You deserved the fuck you flowers.”

“I did.” He kisses Jamie on one of his cheeks.

“You hurt my feelings.”

“I’ll never do it again.” And then the other.

“Because you’re mine?” Jamie says and Roy kisses him instead of answering. He doesn’t think Jamie needs to hear it. But because Jamie deserves to hear it, he pulls back to look him right in the eyes.

“Because I’m yours.”

Jamie spends the rest of the afternoon being dramatic about how heartbroken he was for two whole hours, and in between kisses Roy will tell him how sorry he is and how he promises to make it up to Jamie. Roy tells Jamie Keeley’s plans for the shop, and Jamie straddles him and kisses him fucking breathless.

Wrapped up in Jamie’s arms, he doesn’t doubt how Jamie makes him feel, and he doesn’t doubt that he’s worthy of it anymore. He fully deserves to love Jamie, and be loved by him in return.