Work Text:
Iwaizumi was fuming quietly. He was sitting on a bench, leaning his back on the wall with his eyes closed.
Oikawa sat next to him, tapping his foot on the floor nervously. He kept glancing at his partner.
Eventually, Iwaizumi opened his eyes. He stared straight ahead. “Well,” he began monotonously without looking at Oikawa, “this is a nice change of scenery.”
Oikawa looked around before raising a confused eyebrow. “It’s a prison cell, Iwa-chan,” he blurted.
Iwaizumi looked at him, nonplussed. “I was being sarcastic.”
The other agent paused. “Right. So anyway, we should probably use our one phone call and call Daichi?” He offered hesitantly.
Iwaizumi shook his head, still as expressionless as he managed. “No. I think we’ll sit and contemplate our existence in the universe for a while. I think it’d be a good idea. Don’t you agree?” He stared at Oikawa calmly.
The taller man was feeling moderately anxious. Iwaizumi was pissed off. Probably more pissed off than he’d been when Bokuto had accidentally stabbed him during a sparring match.
Oikawa glanced at the clock. It was almost noon. They’d been sitting on their asses since two am. It might’ve been his fault they were in this mess.
If he hadn’t been too busy ogling Iwaizumi’s admittedly magnificent ass, he might’ve spotted the slightly overweight security guard coming from around the corner. But alas, he was an appreciative partner (not to mention a connoisseur of fine posteriors), and hadn’t spotted the guard. The guard, however, saw them scaling the warehouse wall and promptly called the police. Thus, their current predicament.
“Whatever you think is best, Iwa-chan,” he agreed readily, setting his hands on his knees and sitting up straight.
Iwaizumi nodded sagely. “You’re damn right about that.”
One hour and twenty-two minutes (Oikawa counted) of silence later a policeman came by and opened the door. “You two, let’s go.”
They stood up and were led to the lobby. Daichi was there waiting for them… along with a tall, young man with messy black hair and a grin even braver men would cower in front of.
Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “Did you have to bring him?” He asked Daichi as he held out his hands to a policeman waiting to un-cuff him.
Daichi shrugged, regarding them with disdain. He stood with his hands crossed across his chest. “He wanted to tag along. I figured there’s enough room in the car.”
After both Iwaizumi and Oikawa were un-cuffed and signed out by Daichi, the four men left the police station. Once they were outside, the messy-haired man burst out laughing.
“I can’t believe you got arrested! The Great Iwaizumi! The Undetectable Oikawa! This is the best day of my life!”
“Shut the fuck up, Kuroo,” Iwaizumi growled, embarrassment beginning to rear its ugly head within him. “It’s not like you’ve never gotten caught. Remember Bolivia a month ago?”
Kuroo waved his hand around nonchalantly. “That’s nothing! The mission was reassigned to someone else, so it was completed anyway,” he turned on his heels and poked Iwaizumi’s chest. “You got arrested. That beautiful .50 caliber Desert Eagle of yours, you know, the one with the gold engravings? That’s mine now.”
Oikawa froze. He had completely forgotten about the ridiculous bet they had going on with the second-best operatives in the agency. Oh, no.
Before any further comments were made, Daichi cleared his throat, gesturing to their black SUV. “Could you stop riling each other up and get in the car?”
Oikawa was the last one to get in. He sat in the back seat next to Iwaizumi, and barely dared to glance at his partner. “Iwa-chan, I completely forgot-“
“Shut up, Oikawa.”
The taller one straightened out immediately and stared out of the window instead.
Kuroo and Daichi were talking about another mission in the front of the car. Iwaizumi couldn’t take it anymore. “How the hell did you not see the guard?!” He exclaimed, turning towards Oikawa.
Oikawa was startled by the sudden demand. “Umm,” he stalled, looking anywhere but Iwaizumi.
“I know didn’t see him, because I was halfway inside a fucking building. Tell me right now, or I swear to god I will never have sex with you again,” Iwaizumi threatened.
Oikawa gasped. “You wouldn’t do that!” He kept his shriek low in volume, remembering an old Daichi-rule about loud voices and enclosed spaces.
Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes, glaring at him. “Try me.”
Oikawa was torn between two awful choices. He could either come clean and risk Iwaizumi’s wrath, Daichi’s disapproval, and Kuroo’s endless mockery, or he could make up something about the guard being ridiculously perceptive and risk Iwaizumi’s wrath AND possible celibacy, Daichi’s disapproval, and Kuroo’s endless mockery.
There was really no good way out of this.
He muttered his reply so quietly no one heard him.
“What?” Iwaizumi asked, leaning forward a bit.
Oikawa muttered again, barely increasing volume.
“Spit it out!” Iwaizumi growled.
“Fine! I was staring at your ass,” Oikawa admitted, covering his face with his hands in embarrassment. “That’s why I didn’t see him. I couldn’t help myself!” He pleaded, grabbing Iwaizumi’s hand. “You have no idea what it’s like, to see that gorgeous ass right there and not be able to touch!”
While Iwaizumi stared speechlessly at Oikawa, Kuroo was dying of laughter in the front seat. Next to him, Daichi was shaking his head and muttering ‘’I’m surrounded by idiots”.
“Are you being serious?!” Iwaizumi stammered, his cheeks flushing. “We got caught because you were staring at my…”
Oikawa nodded.
Kuroo’s laughter now resembled choking. Even Daichi had trouble keeping a straight face, but as their supervisor, he felt like he had to.
For a moment, everyone except Kuroo was silent. Then Iwaizumi shook his head and turned to look straight ahead, his cheeks crimson. “No sex for you. At least a week.”
“What?!” Oikawa shrieked, full volume this time. He ignored Daichi’s immediate reprimand in favour of grabbing Iwaizumi’s shoulder. “I said I was sorry!”
“First of all,” Iwaizumi turned back towards Oikawa, looking downright furious. “You haven’t, at any point during the day, apologized for getting us arrested. Secondly, your wandering eyes-“
“Obviously not so wandering,” Kuroo snickered.
“Shut up, Kuroo. Secondly, your wandering eyes just cost me my second-favourite gun. If you think I’m forgiving you for that any time soon, you’ve got another thing coming,” Iwaizumi growled.
Oikawa leaned back in his seat, mortified.
“Well,” he huffed, “if that’s the way you want to play. I might not want to have sex with you, when you finally come to your senses. You’re not the only one who can hold out.”
Iwaizumi snorted. “As if. Remember Mali, last August?”
Oikawa visibly bristled. “That has nothing to do with this!”
“Iceland, June.”
“That was a completely different scenario!”
“Malta.”
“You were never supposed to bring that up again!” Oikawa pointed at Iwaizumi, face flushed with embarrassment and anger. “That’s it! You’re in for a sexless year, mister!”
“Funnily enough, you said that last week,” Iwaizumi smirked. “Right before you shoved me into a cleaning closet and proceeded to tear my clothes off.”
“Alright, both of you shut the hell up!” Daichi barked from the front, trying so hard not to laugh. Kuroo had no such qualms. He was now actually crying from laughing so hard.
Iwaizumi and Oikawa glanced at each other, both agitated. Iwaizumi leaned slightly towards Oikawa. “We both know who the hornier one here is. I’m patient.”
Oikawa glared at him. “You’re on.”
Daichi glanced at the two now sulking agents through the rearview mirror. He could just feel the migraines he was in for.
I should take a few sick days and go somewhere quiet. Maybe Suga’ll come with me.