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Confident in his strong arm and positive attitude while on the field, although he was no match for the strength of the second and third-year batters. The clang of repeated hits off aluminum bats deep into the outfield, scoring run after run. Positive spirit wavering from the force of such a strong offence, breathing in a sign of relief with each hard-earned third out in the inning.  

Three innings. To fall from the ace position to a player who can't even make it mid-way into the game…  He was ashamed of his pitching, the taste of utter defeat strong in his throat as the feeling spread throughout the dugout. No energy left except to hang his head in shame, towel draped over his face shielding tears from view of his fellow first years.  

The deafening roar of Furuya’s pitch reaching even his ears at the bench, a metal crunch of the ball careening off of the coach’s face mask to collide loudly with the back screen. Echoes of shock from the team and spectators when Furuya was immediately prompted to the first-string from one wayward, yet overwhelming pitch; another hurdle in his path towards the mound.  

Toujou could hear the team murmuring in the background, the pain of his muscles overshadowing their voices as he tried to retain his remaining strength and spirit from such a devastating beating. He could hear the labored breathing of the first-years, suddenly interrupted by loud shouting from the opposite end of the dugout. A strong voice calling them all out for already giving up hope, for encompassing a losing mindset before the game had even really begun.  

I’m sorry for letting everyone down, for putting everyone in this position from the start of the game…  

His mind caught in a never-ending loop even as play continued. Another first year pitcher slowly stealing the show from motivating the team by any means necessary. Capping off his effort with luck in taking the first, and only run for the first-year team.  

Lost the only feeling he felt pulsing through his limbs after the game. Worn to the bone before eating, showering and collapsing into his bed for the night.  

Head spinning with ideas of next steps, and if he should abandon his path of the last several years and tread in a new direction. Afraid to leave all the echoes of his hard work behind in the shadows, and yet not satisfied with his current position on the team.  

He wasn't ready to throw in the towel just yet, always another opportunity and position to play in the field besides the star of the show elevated on the pitcher’s mound.  

I'll find my place in the field, within the team. I won't let today’s performance stop me!  Repeating through his head before passing out in a dead-to-the-world slumber.  

“ Shinji, I think I should give up on pitching.”  

The thought slipped past his lips before he could control it during one evening after diner. It had been countless weeks of running, strengthening drills and fielding practice torture and he had barely touched a ball if it wasn't being passed around the field during that time. The call of the bullpen growing fainter with each passing day.  

“WHAT?! But you can't quit the team! I'll be left with the two stooges and their other babysitter!”   

Toujou felt his glum mood slightly lifted, picturing Sawamura and Furuya fighting with a poor Haruichi and Kanemaru stuck in the middle of their squabbles. A grin creeping at the corners of his lips at Kanemaru’s offended expression.  

“I'm not thinking about leaving the team, just on forgetting about the mound.” A shiver passing through his body at just how impossible of a task it was.  

“Well, at least you're not completely running away and leaving me stuck with those two, as I'd hunt you down and drag you back for some intelligent conversation,” Kanemaru grimaced, “I do however think you're strong enough to stay pitching to compete against someone like Furuya, and Sawamura really isn't even a threat at the moment with the skill level he possesses.”  

"That’s the difference in our opinions,  Shinji ... I think Sawamura is even an even bigger threat. He has so much room to grow, and the positive energy he brings to the team is like no other. He may not yet have the baseball skills, but his heart and never-wavering spirit even in the threat of insurmountable odds is the base of every true ace.”  

Toujou’s amusement only grew watching Kanemaru’s face turn even more disgusted at the praise aimed in Sawamura’s direction. Hand waiving his words off in dismissal.  

“You can keep that opinion as I certainly won't share it with you. He's loud, an idiot, and has hardly any baseball skills to speak of. If he ever becomes ace, I'll run around the dorms naked.”  

Toujou’s mouth took on a slightly sinister, twisted grin at Kanemaru’s words, “You know I'm going to hold you to that now, right?”  

Kanemaru turned back to face him, expression changing yet again into one unimpressed with any hint of a bite Toujou was threatening him with.  Wow, he really has no faith in Sawamura and his strong drive. It will be entertaining to see just how in time that will change…  

A snicker snuck out from his throat as he tried to hold it back, failing miserably before it erupted in a fit of giggles.  

“What is so funny?”  

He watched as Kanemaru’s face fell back into its standard slightly pissed off expression, which only made the laughter harder to stop.  

“Oh nothing, just thinking about fun it's going to be watching your impressions change as time goes along. I should start a betting pool on how long it will take until you change your tone.” Snorting as he finally got his laughter until control.  

“You're going to be waiting a  long  time I'm afraid before that will happen. It's going to take longer than our three years here for any sort of change that big from that idiot… but to get back on topic, what are we going to do about your little problem?”  

Shit. What am I going to do about that.  Distraction quickly pushed to the back of his mind as it was focused again solely on his own problems. Toujou could feel himself falling back onto the slow slide of despair, stuck on the solution to his own problem.  

“I've got it! Isashiki-senpai!”  

Toujou felt his eyes draw back to Kanemaru to blink in slow confusion. “Yes, what about him?”  

“You weren't paying attention to the third-year introductions when we first arrived were you?” Kanemaru’s impatience showing through once again, “Guess who also used to be a pitcher when he arrived at Seido, but had to change positions… to find a new way to survive in the team and excel?”  

It wasn't uncommon at the start of a school year, after joining a new team for growing pains to show their teeth. Of course the senpai were the perfect source to help ease and work through some of his anxieties. Although  Isashiki-senpai  would be a hard egg to crack with his loud and impatient nature.  

 “I guess it's worth a shot, although I hope he won't think I'm trying to take over his position on the team,” he ended up mumbling.  

“Well, you're certainly not taking away my goal of third base! It will also be hard to get any of the other spots with Kuramochi-senpai at short, the Kominatos  vying for second, and Yuuki-senpai  already at first with Zono-senpai nipping at his heels. Centre field seems like the perfect place for you with a great arm and an excellent baseball sense.”  

Toujou could feel the slight blush from Kanemaru’s rare praise dusting his cheeks. “I'm not that good…”  

“Well, you can't be any worse than Sawamoron, so there isn't any harm in asking for help is there? He might tell you to go blow smoke, but being a fellow pitcher he would know the frustration all too well. It's all in how you present a situation to the third-years. If you're willing to work, I'm sure he'll help you out.”  

Nervousness filled his gut at the thought of cornering and asking for help from one of the third-years, but the alternative was even worse. Fear at the mound of being forced to give up yet again far too early. One fear far outweighing the other, until he clenched his fist in determination.  

“Okay, I’ll do it,  Shinji ! I'll ask for his help today so I can start getting stronger to fight for my own place on the team.”  

Kanemaru’s gloom broke for a rare smile to grace his face, “That’s the spirit! And how many times do I have to remind you never give up, never surrender. It worked well for us in middle school and it will work here too!”  

Toujou watching a blush spread across Kanemaru’s face with his admission, “Fair enough, then you're not allowed to quit either, no matter how hard it gets. Deal?” Thrusting out his right hand, waiting for the firm shake in return.  

“Deal,” he felt Kanemaru’s hand firmly connecting with his own, “Never give up, never surrender.”  

A slow grin creeping into both of their expressions until Kanemaru all but kicked him out of the dinning hall, sending him on the hunt for the third-years to ask for their help.  

I can't do this.  Hearing the howling growls of one loud third-year centerfielder inside the practice building, sound battling the volume of each swing of his bat colliding against the opposing baseball. It wasn't just  Isashiki-senpai , but also  Yuuki-senpai  and…  Ryosuke-senpai  sending a shudder down the back of his neck. He was going to have to face all of them at the same time, but the alternative was still far worse in the long run.  

Swallowing down his nervousness as best he could, Toujou entered the indoor training facility and made his way towards the third-years practicing. Ryosuke the first to notice his approach, and the slight mischievous smirk his first indication of trouble brewing.  

“Oy, what do we have here? A lost first-year pitcher looking for his classmates? I know Haruichi was on his way out to practice swings by the fields not too long ago.”  

Toujou held down another shudder, seeing right through Ryosuke’s perceived politeness straight to the edge of a threat in his words. The ‘what are you doing intruding on our practice time?’  seeping into his slightly curved smile.  

He saw that both the other third years had also paused in their swings, Isashiki’s  face growing redder by each moment of Toujou’s silence.  

“Out with it, brat! Say what you came to state otherwise stop wasting our time!”  

Yuuki  reaching out to try and help diffuse the situation with his calming presence, “Now Jun, just give him a moment to explain what he’s looking for before jumping to conclusions, both of you.”  

The floor was Toujou’s and he could feel the lump growing in his throat, forcing the rushed swallow of any nerves.  I can do this! I'm bigger than is! I will get stronger from this!  Mantra repeating through his head and he moved closer, gathering more courage with each step forward.  

“Isashiki-senpai, I need your help. My pitching in that first game was just horrendous at best, so terrible that I was thinking of walking away from the mound for good,” Toujou felt his chest tightening as the third-year’s expression changed at the suggestion of giving up, anger clearly growing with each passing second of letting his words sink in, “I'm not giving up on the team if that's what you're thinking. I just know I'll never be able to make it here as a pitcher, but I might have a chance as a fielder. So please,  Isashiki-senpai  help guide me to improve!”  

Toujou bowed swiftly at the waist to a perfect ninety-degree angle, both in deep respect and to hide the reactions of the third-years staring him down. Jaw clenched with tension until he finally heard the start of the third-year’s reply.  

“Tch. The nerve to ask for help from your senior, of someone you hope to replace on the team, although I've got to admit that does take guts.”  

He rose out of his bow eyes meeting an amused Jun, any traces of annoyance already bled away.  Yuuki  and Ryosuke’s expressions matching, until all three met Toujou’s stare.  

“Sure we’ll help you, for a price.” Ryosuke’s smirk remained, causing another shudder up Toujou’s spine. The other two third year’s agreeing nods accenting his request.  

“What kind of price?” Toujou was afraid to ask at that point, although he had little choice in the matter now, already caught in the jaws of the wolf pack staring him down hungrily.  

“Oh no worries right now, but I'm sure we can think of something at some point.” Ryosuke flicked his wrist to brush off the subject. “But on to more important matters is just where to begin with your new training regime.”  

“Working on your batting to become a stronger threat. More easily reading plays in the field and the direction of wayward balls, and more importantly,” Jun stated before snagging Toujou’s left wrist, “finding you a proper fielding instead of pitching glove to make the task of training a little easier.”  

Apprehension falling slowly from his body the more the third-years discussed strategy for how his training regimen should be changed. Offers from  Yuuki  of a barely used fielding glove he could borrow. Memories from Jun of just how much time and effort had to be spent before he finally started to feel comfortable in his new position. Filled in with side comments from Ryosuke of just how badly they all played during their first-year on the team.  

Plans starting to set in motion to help turn his anxiety into a fighting weapon onto the field. Weaknesses into strengths to find his own way within the team.  

As the weeks went by, Toujou found himself getting up earlier and staying up even later in the evenings practicing.  

“You  need to get your pathetic endurance up, so go run with that idiot pitcher in the morning until you can actually keep up with him.”  Was one of Jun’s first orders after observing Toujou’s skills in the field.  

“As a fielder, you need to be able to react quickly to the ball, turn and pivot at a moment’s notice and especially as centerfielder be able to run and throw from anywhere in the field. Being able to run swiftly and for long stretches will help all areas of your play.”  

Words always playing back in his mind even as he took batting hints from  Yuuki  on how to improve the power and efficiency of his swings, and Ryosuke’s knowledge on the best ways to handle ground-driven balls.  

Tips replaying in his mind even as Jun was busy currently yelling at him. It had been a tiring week of running, team practices and extra training morning and night, but here he was still doing drills on a Friday night instead of taking a breather.  

“RIGHT!” A roar bellowed across the training arena, Toujou focusing on keeping in time with the pretend pitch at the mound to breaking in the correct direction to catch a fly ball.  

“You're late again, Toujou. Don't wait until the pitcher is done with his movement, move at the same time as the last part of his pitch. Keeping in motion into your ready position will help you to move quicker in the direction the ball is going. The quicker you get under or even past the ball, the easier it's going to be to handle it.”  

He could almost see the steam rolling from Jun’s nostrils as he evaluated Toujou’s drills from afar. He did feel like he was slowly improving, but it was such a different position than what he was used to pitching that he had to re-learn certain fielding skills all over again.  

“I hope you’ve been practicing your skip-step when throwing the ball back as well, as you have a powerful arm and weapon. It's going to come in handy if you have to make a quick play back to a base or home plate.”  

Toujou could also see in rare glimpses the pride Jun to see in his skills developing, certain actions slowly becoming easier and more instinctual with practice over time. More smiles than smirks showing through after excellent plays.  

“Now, get ready!” As Jun proceeded to fake a pitcher’s wind-up swing as Toujou readied his body for the drill, “CENTER !”  

The hardest of the three pillions to hit, pivoting back on himself as quick as possible to be in the correct position to even have a chance of catching the ball.  

“Nice hustle, Toujou! We’ll make a centerfielder out of you yet!”  

As they continued to drill well into the evening, Toujou knowing it would all be worth it in the end in a real-game situation. Sweat continuing to fall from his efforts until they were both too tired to move quickly anymore and retired for the night.  

Saturday didn't bring with it a game, but intense practice for the first-string lasting past supper. Toujou was sore just watching the fielding practice lead by the coach, batting out repeated balls until the players could barely stand let alone move.  

No extra practice for me tonight then.  A slow grin curling his features as he headed to the baths for a soak after inhaling his meal. Venturing into the showering area, he found Jun,  Yuuki  and  Ryosuke  already soaking in the tub. Jun lucky to still be alive with his head barely above water, and Ryosuke keeping a close eye on him.  

“Hurry up and get clean, rookie! We’re far too tired for extra practice tonight, but we’re having a different kind of show down in Ryosuke’s room!” Jun barked out, just avoiding inhaling a stream of water as he straightened to a full seated position once again.  

“Shogi?”  Yuuki  questioned the fellow third-years before getting an eye-roll and blank reaction from the others.  

“NO  shogi, Tetsu! You know what challenge we’re doing, so don't spoil it for the first-year!” Jun’s barking continued as Toujou tried to drown him out with a steady stream of hot water.  

“Not even one night of rest? You three sure are slave drivers…” Toujou trailed off, hand adjusting the tap to the off position once he was throughly clean, and turning his attention back to the tub.  

“Not to quote a movie or anything, but you can rest when you're dead.” Ryosuke’s grin spread threateningly across his face, goosebumps trailing down wet skin in shivers.  

“Honestly  Ryo-san, that's quite terrifying even for you…”  

“What is that supposed to mean?” Ryosuke turned, hands reaching for the top of Jun’s head to dunk him back under the water, “should have just let you drown earlier…”  

Laughter filling the room at Ryosuke and Jun’s impromptu water fight until they all were all breathless from giggling too hard. Dragging each other out of the tub to head back to the room to prepare for whatever battle was set to take place.  

“Don't take too long, rookie or we might just make you lose by default.” Jun threatened as they exited from the room, Toujou taking the opportunity to enjoy just a little bit of piece and quiet.  

Although it's nice they've been putting in so much time helping me, the least I can do is see what kind of competition they have set up.  Soaking for a few more minutes before making his own way back to the wardrobe to change.  

Feet leading him towards Ryosuke’s dorm room where he could already hear Jun’s bellowing well before reaching the door… or was it… singing?  

Toujou didn't even bother knocking, as it would have been hard to hear over the volume within the room. Quickly towing off his shoes in the genkan  before making his way across the room to the others, depositing a round of cold drinks from the vending machine onto the floor.  

“Nice one rookie! You're starting to think ahead already!” Praised Yuuki  as he cracked open his can, Ryosuke nodding slightly in agreement before turning their attention back to the screen.  

I'm going to destroy them!  The only thought in his mind as Jun finished up his song, the quirk of a smirk meeting the third-years expressions.  

“What's so amusing? You think you even have a shot of beating me at karaoke? What is your favorite genre anyways?” Jun growled, thrusting the microphone into Toujou’s eager hands.  

“Idol songs.”  

As Toujou scrolled through the list of choices until he found one of his  favorites. Queuing it up with gusto before taking a large breath of air into his lungs, and proceeding to blow the third-years away.  

“That's it, I quit.”  

“I know when I've been beat.”  

“Tetsu, Ryo-san  where is your spirit? You're going to let the first-year win that easily?” Jun proceeded to bark, face growing slowly redder in frustration. “Well I'm not! Give me that mic!”  

Toujou laughing lightly at the third-years antics, spirit clearly in display as they each tried to outdo the other with song after song until the others had enough.  

“He clearly has you beat Jun, just give in already…”  

Before a fresh round of friendly bickering started up again between Ryosuke and Jun,  Yuuki  chuckling under his breath along with Toujou.  

Enjoying the night of rare night of relaxation before training intensified even harder, pushing their bodies even further to the limits during the Inter-high games creeping ever closer.  

Toujou yearning desperately he could find his own place to join the third-years and rest of the first-string on the field. Wishing it was just as easy as learning a new song.  

He continued to practice tirelessly on his own, including Kanemaru and other first-years whenever possible. The first-string becoming far too busy winning in the summer qualifiers for any extra energy expended to needless practice.  

Toujou still longing to be present on the field, watching with pride as Jun, Ryosuke and Yuuki  lead the charge of the team. Leading with their plays to the younger members of the team until they had won through to the final.  

The re-match between Inashiro  and Seido, two powerhouses vying for the spot to summer Koshien. All  Toujou  could send was prayers their way, cheering his loudest from the stands as soon as the team hit the field.  

Cheers escalating to an encompassing roar with one out left for Seido at the end of the game. So many changes with Ryosuke and Sawamura, but the team was still holding together with one out left in the game – before victory was cruelly snatched at the last moment from their grasp.  

The hard-working third-years never getting their chance at summer  Koshien, last game of their high school years ending in a curtain of tears and wash of regret.  

Toujou could feel the level of despair from the stands, somehow the team managing to line-up and acknowledge Inashiro  and their victory. Tears blurring Toujou’s own vision of the scene and the pain the entire team must be going through.  

Watching after the game as the first-string retreated to the comfort of the bus away from prying eyes, Toujou certain the tears flowing away from where anymore prying eyes could see.  

The tension still thick and palpable back at the dorms once returning from the game, food sitting uneaten in the canteen. Prepared for victory, but now tasting like ash in their mouths from defeat.   

Toujou retreating from the hall after barely being able to touch anything, planning to throw his heart into hard work for the next two days to burn the memory of Seido’s loss from behind his eyes. To help blur the memories of tears shed by all over the last few hours.  

He slowly made his way back to his room, pausing briefly at the vending machine to lean against it for support. Thinking just how hard it would be without the third-years leadership to guide them.  

He felt the light touch on his shoulder before hearing the rough sniffle in the air, slowly turning around to face who he already knew was there. Trails of tears still not dried on the third-year’s face.  

“It's up to you now you know. You’ll have to help fill the hole left in the third-years absence… In my place on the team…”  

Toujou watching as another round of tears threatened to break from Jun’s eyes, as he stared down at the dirt stomping his foot harshly into the earth.  

“It will be up to the new first-string to finish the battle we couldn't, to avenge the team against Inashiro  and take the team to  Koshien, but I have faith in you Toujou. We were all horrible in our first-year,” Jun paused letting the smallest of laughs escape his lips, “Tetsu, Ryosuke and myself barely being able to scrape by and improving with baby steps, but you've shown so much progress in such a short amount of time. I KNOW you and the first and second-years can achieve what we failed, the victory that escaped from our grasp. So promise me Toujou, you’ll win!”  

Silent tears streaming down Jun’s face, as he reached out for Toujou’s hand, clasping both shaky palms around his in earnest. Waiting for Toujou’s reply as he struggled to find the right words to respond to all of the pain and disappointment of the day, but only coming up with two words.  

“We will.”  

Hours and hours, hundreds of hours melding into the building of muscle and reflexes during the game. To improve the strength of his swing and swiftness of his feet in catching a ball.  

Jun’s words and his promise of ‘ We will.’  repeating every time he wanted to give up. Every time his arms felt weak or legs like jelly. He just imagined Jun barking insults at him from the stands. Ryosuke’s silent sneer.  Yuuki’s  burning aura yearning for victory, and knowing they couldn't back down.  

Suddenly finding themselves in another final for the chance at spring Koshien. In the top of the ninth inning, his own swing not strong enough to prevent an out.  

Forced to watching from the dugout as his team mates battled bravely on. Haruichi reaching first and then stealing second base. The injured captain, a solid anchor for the team fighting through his own battle of pain to muscle his way to first.  

To the shock of the team, Zono scoring a home run to bring everyone in, regaining Seido’s lead in the last inning. The thrilling call to change out Sawamura for Furuya against the strongest of  Yakushi’s  line-up, and the anxiety of Furuya’s injury pitching against a team at full strength.  

A very familiar scenario that ended in the worst of ways for Seido just a few months prior, the agony and reminders of tears from the retired third-years spiking their taste for revenge.  

The end so close once again they could taste it. Redemption for the summer tournament. Victory for their coach and the opportunity to return to  Koshien  once more. Pride at being able to pull through dark times from all players for their chance in the spotlight.  

Furuya pitching the inning of his life to strike out the Yakushi's  batters before Raichi  even had another chance at bat.   

Toujou not believing his eyes as the team streamed onto the field, everyone surrounding their ace before lining up to pay their respects to the opposing team. Knowing all too well the close brush to victory before leaving a wanting taste in the mouth.  

Hearing the roar of the third-year’s cheers from the stands and the pride they had overcome past adversity, and broken the jinx of the final game of the qualifiers to finally get a chance to compete at Koshien.  

Tears of joy in Toujou’s eyes as he found Jun, Ryosuke and Yuuki  in the stands and raised a hand in victory and salute. The gesture mirrored back with the widest grins he had ever seen grace their faces.  

Grins continuing outside the stadium as the third-years lifted the coach into the air in victory, knowing  Kataoka  had it all along to lead his own team back to the sacred soil of that very special diamond.  

Sacrifice finally paying back its dividends for everyone’s hard work, and the chance to be at the top of the nation.  

It was back at the dorms when Toujou finally had a chance to corner Jun, sneaking up stealthily on him alone to cause a slight jump in the air.  

“Don't sneak up on me like that! Going to cause a guy to have a heart attack!” Jun growled turning around, before noticing Toujou’s hands behind his back carefully hiding something. “Now then, what are you hiding?”  

Toujou brought out his sincerest smile before handing over the present in his grasp to Jun’s shaky hands. He could almost see tears at the corner of Jun’s eyes as he carefully shifted it in his palms, too absorbed to notice the silent intruders to their little exchange.  

“Aww, how cute! Did you get me one too?” Ryosuke smiled sweetly, before it morphed into a slight threat of pain.  

“Now Ryosuke, you helped Toujou find this don't be putting any pressure on him.”  

Jun carefully started to unwrap the gift, especially after hearing  Ryosuke  and  Yuuki  were involved to find two volumes of a  shoujou  manga he had been trying to get his hands on for a very long time. The tears actually did break and start to fall at that point.  

“Where did you manage to find these?! They've been out of print for ever!” Jun started to yell before hugging them to his chest, and just as promptly releasing them.  

All turned to Ryosuke’s response of, “I have my ways.” Before watching his gaze turn to a hangnail that suddenly seemed to desperately need his attention.  

Always just a little terrifying, but he wouldn't be Ryosuke any other way.  Toujou responded smiling back.  

“Well I'm going to repay you in the best way I know how… I think Ryosuke still has the karaoke game setup in his room, and you need a dose of payback to avoid getting a big head!”  

Jun slapping him on the back before starting to guide them to the third-year dorms. Whispering so the others wouldn't hear, “Seriously this is an amazing thank you gift, but the team's victory is the only unfulfilled wish I could ever ask for. Thank you for helping to make it a reality.”  

Pausing to ruffle his hair into the biggest of cowlicks, before continuing the charge to the next challenge. “Seriously now, you had better let me win at least one round today, the least respect  you could show your senpai. I'm finally calling in my favor, Toujou.” Starting a round of laughter between the four of them.  

Toujou treasuring the time they had left remaining before the third-years graduation. Allowing all the lessons to absorb into memory to be passed down to the next group of first-years set to hit the field very shortly.  

Allowing the greatest victory of all that day – Jun’s overwhelming beating of everyone in the room with his favorite song.  

Toujou treasuring their friendship and bouts of laughter, finally allowing the past to be put to rest behind the team. For the ‘finals’ jinx to finally be broken, thanks in large part to the pillars still holding them up, helping the new generation of Seido to thrive.