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Roderich had a gut feeling that Gilbert was an asshole.
Unfortunately for him, that instinct turned out to be mostly true.
It was a hot day- the sort of muggy Sunday towards the end of summer when flies buzzed around heads in lazy circles if only because they knew it was too hot to exert the effort. The inside of the church where Roderich sat was stifling and there was a heaviness in the air that turned it into something unbearable and suffocating. The old Protestant church was sagging under the heat of the summer, its high wooden beams weighed down with a textbook sort of observation over the rows of pews and the burning light coming in through the arched windows keeping even the children sitting towards the aisle.
Roderich pulled at the cuff of his shirt and swallowed a dry mouthful. A fat bead of sweat rolled down the back of his neck and disappeared under his shirt collar. Normally he liked to wear the full attire to the Sunday sermons, but that day it was too hot out to keep up the pretense of formality as the aging Father’s voice droned on in the background.
He watched as a fly buzzed around Ludwig’s head, attracted by the sweat and perfume that hung about the air. Its rounded wings barely held up its bulging weight and Ludwig, sitting to Roderich’s left, simply raised a hand to brush at it once before returning his hand to his lap, eyes never leaving the podium at the front like the good, church-going citizen he was.
Roderich tried not to sneer. It was only for Ludwig, after all, that he still came to these things. Roderich himself had given up faith years ago. Lizzie had never even tried.
Another hour ticked by and finally they were let out of their sacred prison, the heavy double doors opening to release them with a whoosh of boiling summer air. Roderich stood and wiped at his brow. The post-service murmurings in the church were hushed and few, most people eager to escape to more airconditioned places.
Roderich was of the same mind, having no desire to stay longer than duty dictated. He reached into his back pocket to fish for his keys, trying to ignore the rays of sun that blistered into his skin now that he was in their path. “Well. I shall see you next week, then, Ludwig…-“ he voiced, beginning to edge his way out of the pew.
“You’re not staying after?”
Roderich looked back at him with a blank expression. “Why would I do that?” he asked bluntly, too hot and tired to bother disguising his voice.
“The end of the summer barbecue?” Ludwig prompted. Roderich’s brows furrowed. “I had thought you’d said you would attend, since you missed the last event.”
His statement left less room to fake pretense to, and a wince wormed its way into Roderich’s conscious. Ludwig far too God-fearing and Roderich too far down the waiting list to Purgatory, if not Hell. He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Ah, yes, I had said that, hadn’t I?” Well I suppose if you are staying….”
“Good,” the other nodded and Roderich knew the matter was closed to further debate. He held back sigh and took a queue number further down the line. “I must wait outside for Gilbert to drop by with the food I asked him to pick up, but I am sure they would appreciate your help with setting up in the courtyard.”
Roderich pretended he hadn’t noticed the suggestion. “I’ll wait with you outside,” he said and kept his voice distracted. Ludwig’s lips slanted in a frown.
“All right,” the blond said a bit resignedly and edged past him to lead the way outside of the church.
If anything, it was hotter outside the church than it was inside. The noonday sun bore down on them, the view of the parking lot smeared like an oil painting with waves of heat. Few clouds covered the sky and even the large oak tree standing near the front of the building offered little relief. Roderich could feel the sweat running down his spine and he grimaced.
“You don’t have to wait with me,” Ludwig said, observing his discomfort and most likely trying to get rid of him in the politest way ingrained into his head.
Roderich just shook his head stubbornly. Ludwig was the only person he really knew at the church, despite his brief stint as the choir accompanist. His lack of interest and faith in religion kept him from mingling and Roderich had no intention of changing his thoughts anytime soon. But it was hard to not envy Lizzie some days.
“It’s fine,” he replied and Ludwig grunted in response.
They stood out there for a few more uncomfortable minutes before finally a silver BMW turned into the parking lot and pulled up to the curb. “Finally,” Roderich heard Ludwig mutter as the car parked and they heard the driver’s side door opening. The windows of the vehicle were tinted so dark that Roderich couldn’t even see into them, and so his first view of Ludwig’s older brother was when the man finally stepped out of the car and stood up.
Ludwig rarely talked about his brother. In fact, the most Roderich knew about him was that his name was Gilbert and that he was actually Ludwig’s half-brother. Roderich knew it wasn’t a subject the blond liked to dwell on and he’d heard rumors that it had been a rather nasty affair within the Beilschmidt family.
As such, Roderich wasn’t prepared for what he would see when Gilbert finally straightened.
Gilbert looked like something out of a modeling magazine. He was broad shoulders and arrogant poise, and Roderich could feel himself staring. He glanced over at Ludwig and then back to the man behind the car, his mind trying to make the connection.
There were few similarities between them. Ludwig’s hair was a pale gold, the color of sunlight in the morning and slicked back professionally. His half-brother sported a shock of silver- silver!- locks that fell to their own liking and stuck up in the back. He was wearing a fitted charcoal black t-shirt as if it wasn’t 97 degrees out and when he lifted one hand to slam the car door shut, Roderich could see each muscle stretch and contract.
That was one thing they had in common, Roderich thought, suddenly feeling a bit lightheaded. That and the same chiseled jaw line.
“It took you long enough,” Ludwig remarked, breaking Roderich’s thoughts. He blinked, regaining himself as he watched Ludwig march across the lawn.
Gilbert feigned a yawn in response, his car keys dangling in his hand. “You asked for a fuck-ton of hotdogs and patties so I got you a fuck-ton of hotdogs and patties. Don’t see why you’re complaining,” he shrugged.
Ludwig simply sighed in exasperation and nodded for the other to unlock the trunk, picking up a bag of frozen groceries in each hand and starting the trek back to the courtyard. “You can give the rest of those to Roderich,” he heard the blond say, and Roderich started, realizing that was his cue.
Gilbert’s eyes slid over in his direction and for the first time Roderich realized that they were…red. Roderich felt his heart seize and his breath catch. For a moment the other seemed to be staring right at him, like he was some kind of specimen under a microscope and the light was burning, burrowing its way into his very core.
And then Gilbert turned, spitting on the ground next to him and Roderich realized that it had just been a trick of the light and that Gilbert’s eyes were no more than a deep bronze color. Roderich felt a sense of relief wash over him for reasons he couldn’t explain. Clearing his throat, he left the shade and approached the car, holding out his hand in greeting. “You must be Ludwig’s brother,” he said. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”
“Half-brother,” Gilbert corrected, cocking an eyebrow at the formal greeting but deciding to shake Roderich’s hand nonetheless.
Roderich felt his eyes widen when Gilbert looked him over unabashedly. He took a step back, the back of his neck heating self-consciously. “Um…” he faltered.
“Hmph. Maybe I will be attending after all,” the other mused, and Roderich saw his eyes gleam.
“I’m sure Ludwig would like that,” Roderich heard himself say. He wasn’t quite sure what possessed him to say it, but Gilbert laughed in response, and Roderich’s heart fluttered.
“All right, then, I guess I will,” he grinned and hoisted the remaining bags of groceries over his shoulder before Roderich could react.
Feeling a little lost, Roderich trailed after the silver-haired man, wondering if he had done something wrong in letting the other come. When they walked into the courtyard, Ludwig was already standing at the grill, a neat line of hamburger patties and hotdogs sizzling on the grates.
“Gilbert?”
He looked surprised to see his half-brother standing next to Roderich, a half-melted bag of groceries slung over the taller’s shoulder. A few other church members glanced in their direction with sideways looks and curious stares over red solo cups. Roderich tried to ignore them.
“Specs invited me,” Gilbert was drawling. “You don’t mind, do you, Lutz?”
The blond’s eyes narrowed just slightly before he gave in with a resigned sigh. “Of course not,” he muttered. “Go ahead and set those over here with the rest, then, if you’re going to make yourself useful.” He pointed to the opened stacks of frozen grill meats and Gilbert complied, leaving Roderich’s side.
And just like that, like a big rush of air leaving his lungs, everything went back to normal. The adults went back to their conversations and a few children ran around the grassy knoll that accompanied the back patio, shrieking with laughter as they chased each other. Roderich’s eyes surveyed the courtyard full of people impassively. He supposed he ought to call Lizzie and tell her he’d be out later than usual, not that she would care.
He dug the scratched-up, out-of-date flip phone out of his pocket and scrolled down his contacts list to Lizzie’s name. Even after three years he still hadn’t memorized her number.
As he stood someone handed him a cup full of what looked like fruit punch and he mumbled an automated thanks, lifting the phone to his ear and moving over to the side of the courtyard. The phone rang three times before she picked up.
“Hello?”
“It’s Roderich.”
“Oh, hey, Roderich,” she answered. It sounded like she’d just woken up from a nap, her voice mumbled and still groggy over the phone.
Roderich shifted, edging away when a boy and a girl came tearing around the corner in a game of tag. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to be out for a bit longer than usual. There’s a social after church today that Ludwig asked me to attend.”
“A social?” Lizzie repeated on the other line and Roderich could hear her sitting up in bed. “I thought you usually ‘missed’ those.”
For some reason Roderich felt a stir of annoyance at the tone, even if it was true. “Not all of them,” he returned a bit snippily, fingers curling against the red plastic of his cup.
Neither of them spoke for a moment, Lizzie’s silence sounded bored on the other end. Roderich shuffled his feet again and adjusted his hold on the phone. “I should go,” he finally said, feeling suddenly putout because of it.
“Mm. I’ll see you for dinner?” Lizzie asked, not even bothering with a reply before she ended the call.
Roderich sighed and flipped his phone shut. Most of their conversations were like that these days- their face-to-face exchanges even worse. Mindlessly, he twisted at the gold band on his ring finger, the metal sliding easily with the heat of the day.
“Trouble in paradise?” a voice asked from behind him. Roderich jumped and the drink in his hand sloshed, spilling over the side and onto his white shirt sleeve. He muttered a curse under his breath at his ill fortune, hurriedly moving the cup into his other hand. A chuckle sounded behind him and Roderich turned around to find a pair of dark bronze eyes looking down at him.
Gilbert’s lips pulled into a smirk. “Need some help there?” he asked unhelpfully.
“I’m fine, thanks,” Roderich snapped, setting down his drink on the stone wall and stomping over to the table with the napkins and plates. Irritatingly enough, Gilbert followed him.
“So Lutz tells me you live the married life, huh?”
Roderich’s frown deepened. He was pretty sure he’d made it clear that he had no interest in talking to the other. “You saw my ring,” he answered testily.
Gilbert just snorted, crossing his arms over his chest. “Like that sentimental crap means anything these days,” he snorted and Roderich’s expression hardened. “Besides, your response told me more than I needed to know,” Gilbert continued, his eyes glinting.
For a brief second Roderich’s aggravation fell away to confusion. “What do you mean?” he asked. But Gilbert just chuckled knowingly, sticking his hands into his pockets with shrug.
“I guess I should get going,” he said. “I have a feeling that brother dear doesn’t like me being here. But it was nice meeting you, Roderich,”- and the brunet jolted because he hadn’t even realized the other had been listening when Ludwig had said his name earlier- “I’m sure I’ll see you around again.”
Roderich’s eyes narrowed into a glare as Gilbert turned away, throwing a too-casual waving gesture over his shoulder. He hadn’t missed the conviction behind the other’s words.
---
“I’ll have to apologize for my brother, he’s always been a bit of a loose cannon,” Ludwig said to him later in the week. They were sitting at a table outside of their usual café, Ludwig with a stack of papers next to him that rivaled the Empire State Building despite it still being summer vacation. Not many teachers relished the idea of babysitting barely-passing (or not passing at all) students during the summer, but Ludwig seemed to have an enthusiasm for teaching that was unrivaled. As a music teacher at the same school, Roderich couldn’t really say the same.
“Hm?” Roderich’s brain took a moment to catch up to what Ludwig was saying and he blinked. Silver hair and red eyes…the other had begun to invade his thoughts ever since Sunday, not that he’d admit it out loud. He feigned innocence. “Oh…Gilbert, you mean. It’s fine. I do recall you telling me that before.”
The other man looked a bit embarrassed, rubbing one hand against his neck. “Yes….He’s been like that for as long as I remember,” he admitted. “I think what our father did was especially hard on him.”
“I see,” Roderich frowned. He breathed out. “Well, there is nothing to apologize for- he is nothing I cannot handle.”
Ludwig chuckled and moved to paperclip the pile of essays he’d been working on. “I know,” he said. “I’ve seen you dealing with high school students in first period.”
A sly smile pulled at the blond’s lips and Roderich couldn’t help but return it, ducking his head to hide his amusement. He leaned back in his chair, then, his eyes resting on the next stack of paperclipped papers Ludwig was pulling from the stack.
“’Der Deutscher Krieg’,” he read off of one of the essay titles. He looked up and raised an eyebrow at the other questioningly. “I didn’t think German Unification was part of the curriculum,” he commented.
Ludwig at least had the decency to blush, picking up the stack and straightening it into a uniform pile. “It isn’t. But they seem to enjoy it more than learning about the Civil War for the tenth time.”
Roderich hummed knowingly. As a music teacher at an inner-city public school he knew all about the challenges of keeping his students engaged in the material. He suspected that as a history teacher, his colleague had it far worse.
“Actually,” Ludwig said, gathering his papers, “I’m afraid I’ll have to cut our lunch short. Feliciano wanted help with his summer gym class again.”
Roderich snorted indelicately. How the bubbly auburn had landed the job as gym teacher no one would ever know. But that he was asking for Ludwig’s help was no surprise- in more ways than one.
“I’m sure he does,” Roderich replied coolly, moving to take a sip of his now-lukewarm tea.
Ludwig looked apologetic. “I’ll see you Sunday?” he offered instead, packing the papers and pens into his bag.
Roderich had to suppress a sigh. Ludwig really was too devoted for his own good. “Sunday,” he agreed, with a bit less enthusiasm.
“Oh, and about Gilbert….”
Roderich’s eyes snapped back up to the blond, feeling the back of his neck prickle and his stomach tighten at the name. However, Ludwig looked troubled, rubbing one hand behind his head as if he was hesitant to say something.
“What about your half-brother, Ludwig?” Roderich prompted, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible.
Ludwig’s jaw worked for a moment. “Just...be careful of him. He doesn’t always have the best intentions,” he finally said.
A shiver began to run its way down Roderich’s spin but he forced himself to sit still, his brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”
The other shook his head. “I can explain later. But please, Roderich, as my closest friend, I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
His eyes widened at the imploring tone that had entered Ludwig’s voice. Ludwig rarely begged- if at all, even. What could be so terrible about his half-brother that had pushed him to give the warning? As much as he respected Ludwig, his vague warning had only served to make the curiosity burn in Roderich even more, and he looked down at the table, hoping the other wouldn’t catch him in his weakness.
But Ludwig seemed unwilling to say more, muttering again about needing to help Feliciano. With an uneasy feeling, they bade each other farewell until the next time, Roderich watching as the blond blended into the sidewalk traffic and out of sight.
It only took a second later for Gilbert to plop into the chair previously occupied by his half-brother.
“Finally!” the man exclaimed, seemingly oblivious to Roderich’s shocked expression. “I thought he’d never leave.”
Roderich’s heart pounded and his eyes widened. The world slowed and suddenly all the brunet could think of was his incredible need to discover who this Gilbert character really was.
“Gilbert?” he finally managed to choke out, setting his teacup back down with a little more force than he really felt. “What are- a-are you stalking me?!”
For once, Gilbert actually appeared sheepish, and Roderich felt his stomach do an unexpected somersault.
“I, uh, happened to be in the area…”
“Not likely,” Roderich cut in bluntly.
“Alright, not likely,” Gilbert nodded. He reached up to pull a leaf out of his hair and Roderich scoffed. “I just thought, y’know, we could get to know each other a bit more.”
Roderich frowned. His job required him to be around horny teenagers for ten months out of the year- he knew an advance when he saw one. “Didn’t I already tell you I was married?”
To his chagrin, the other snorted, one arm draped over the back of the chair as if they were in the most casual of settings. “Yeah, but what I heard was that you sure as hell don’t want to be.”
“Yes,” Roderich groused bitterly, “you still have not bothered to explain that.”
Gilbert gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Exactly what I mean. You’re married, but you don’t want to be. What, the ‘Seven Year Curse’ hitting early?”
“Nothing of that sorts,” he snapped back, perhaps a bit too quickly. Gilbert raised a skeptical eyebrow and reached over for the half-empty water glass Ludwig had left on the table. It showed off the muscles in his forearm wonderfully. “What makes you assume that my marriage is so unhappy, anyway?” he added [moodily], looking away.
“The way you were talking on the phone. The way you’ve answered my questions whenever I ask about it.”
Roderich glowered. “Has it ever occurred to you that I react that way because it is none of your business?” he countered.
The other man waved a hand dismissively, taking a drink before setting it back on the table. A fat droplet of water streaked to the ground from where Gilbert’s thumb had been. “Nah,” he said. “It’s more than that.”
“Unbelievable,” Roderich muttered under his breath, looking away angrily. He stood up abruptly, the metal chair scrapping against the concrete, and threw his napkin down next to his plate. Gilbert, along with a few other customers, looked his way in surprise. Roderich forced himself to ignore them.
“As much as I would love to stay here and listen to you insult my marriage further,” he managed to grit out, jaw tight, “I have a wife who needs me at home. So if I may: good day, sir.”
Roderich knew it was horribly cliché, but there was some satisfaction in turning his back on the other and leaving the patio with his head held high. That made him the better man, right? It was bad enough that Roderich was finding himself honestly attracted to the other man without the added insults to his sham of a marriage.
“Hey, Roderich- wait a second!”
A chair screeched from behind and then there was a pair of feet pounding against the pavement after him. “Hey, look,” Gilbert said and Roderich felt a hand on his shoulder. He jolted at the contact, jerking back as if he’d been shocked.
Gilbert ignored the reaction. “I’m not trying to insult your marriage. I’m just saying that if you’re really so unhappy I can help you out,” he shrugged. “C’mon, don’t tell me Lutz’s little warning actually meant something back there.”
So he had been listening. However that revelation was only second to the blood boiling in Roderich at the other’s suggestion and he narrowed his eyes, shoulders stiff. “Are you daring to suggest that I be unfaithful to my wife?”
“Are you telling me you haven’t already thought about it?” Gilbert countered smoothly. “I saw the way you looked at me.”
Roderich’s breath held. “I don’t know what you mean,” he said quickly.
Gilbert rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right.” He folded his arms over his chest and God, when he did that it was like every well-defined muscle was on show to see, making Roderich’s legs feel weak and his pulse speed up and standing there, the sun was beating down on them relentlessly, drying up all the water from Roderich’s mouth and his throat was so parched….
“Fine.”
The word escaped like it was from someone else’s mouth, someone else’s lips parting into one syllable. Across from him, Gilbert’s lips curled into a grin, victorious and maybe something else, and Roderich let his eyes close and the sounds of the city blur around him.
---
Whatever Ludwig had wanted to say about his half-brother faded to the back of Roderich’s conscious and then disappeared entirely as the weeks went on. They had met in secret for the past three weeks, the location different every time- because Gilbert was surprisingly thoughtful in that- but always ended in the same thing and neither had yet to advance it any further.
The sex was, as Roderich hated to admit, brilliant, like nothing he had ever experienced, even with Elizaveta. Gilbert’s touch was rough, if not demanding, and Roderich left each tryst feeling sore and used and limping. He’d never been so satisfied.
He had to wonder if Gilbert was turning him into something so insatiable. The need had started to grow beyond their weekly meetings and silver hair and red eyes were never far in Roderich’s thoughts.
And Roderich knew it was just sex, but maybe it was something in the way Gilbert grabbed at his hips and bruised his lips that made the romantic in him- withered and packed away after his marriage to Lizzie- begin to fall for the arrogant man with a mocking smile and impressive biceps. But it was imperative that Gilbert never find out. Or anyone, for that matter, though it was becoming harder and harder to hide it from Ludwig and his wife, the only two people who knew him well enough to know that something was different.
Already he was certain that Lizzie knew. Perhaps not that it was an affair, but after trudging through three long years together, there was no way she wouldn’t have known something was up. Roderich was happier than he’d ever been, and it wasn’t because their relationship had begun to improve. He tried training himself to keep the same face in front of her, but Lizzie was sharp and very, very perceptive, and Roderich knew she was not so easily fooled. And as the liaison continued, Roderich was beginning to wonder if he even cared.
Ludwig was easier to fool if only because with school out, Roderich saw him far less. But the German was closer to him than any friend Roderich had ever had, and he knew that he couldn’t keep the diligent blond in the dark forever.
Especially since they’d started texting each other. It had been Gilbert who’d suggested it, and Roderich had all too eagerly complied, that tiny part of him in the back of his heart whispering that maybe this really did mean something more to the red-eyed man.
Gilbert mostly used it to set up meeting times and places, brief one-lined texts that kept Roderich’s heart pumping blood loudly in his chest. But sometimes it was more- admittedly nothing beyond crude, suggestive comments and perverse compliments, but to Roderich they meant the world. Gilbert always was surprising him, and of course it was too good to last.
On a hot and muggy sort of Sunday, not too unlike the day he had first met Gilbert, Roderich’s phone buzzed.
It was in the middle of a sermon, and a few people around him slid him narrowed, unfriendly sideways glances. Roderich muttered an apology and reached into his trousers pocket for his phone, cursing Lizzie if only to make his image better. But before he could power off the device, it buzzed again, and even Ludwig gave him a look, coughing pointedly into his hand.
Frowning, Roderich pulled out his phone and glanced at the screen. He was surprised to see it was from Gilbert.
church parkinglot rn
im parked in the corner
Roderich blinked, for a moment just staring at the texts on his screen. It was the middle of the day and Roderich was in church- with Gilbert’s brother sitting next to him, no less. What-
u coming or not?
Roderich’s mouth felt dry as he stared at the text. His clothes suddenly felt especially stifling and his excitement stirred and started to pool lower in his body at the images flashing through his mind of what might happen if he said yes. His thumb hovered over the keypad.
Yes he finally replied and shut his phone with a release of breath. “I need to go,” he muttered to Ludwig, already gathering his jacket.
The blond looked surprised, his eyes narrowing in concern. “Is everything all right?” he asked.
“It’s just Lizzie,” Roderich lied, and Ludwig’s shoulders relaxed understandingly. “Sorry, I’ll see you next week,” he said, edging his way out of the booth to the grumbles of the church-goers sitting around them.
Roderich didn’t even spare them a second thought. It was like a dull drone had entered his mind, blocking out every other thought and rational. Before he knew it, his feet had carried him outside and sure enough, there was Gilbert’s silver BMW sitting under the shade, completely inconspicuous amongst the rest of the cars in the parking lot. Roderich felt his breath catch. Ignoring the blistering heat of the day, he made his way down the sidewalk and to the other’s car, not even tapping the window before he opened the passenger side door and slid onto the seat.
“Took you long enough,” Gilbert grunted. Roderich noticed that it was considerably cooler inside the vehicle. Gilbert had the AC cranked up to full power and, ironically, “Highway to Hell” playing from the radio, the song muffled under the blasting air conditioner.
“You’ve never texted me during the day,” Roderich said in reply, glancing around them cautiously. “You do know Ludwig’s inside, right?” he frowned.
Gilbert shrugged. “Wanted to see you,” he muttered, looking a bit like a kid caught with his hand down the cookie jar, and automatically Roderich’s heart soared.
“Pull up your seat.”
“What?” Roderich said dumbly, a bit dazed.
The other man just rolled his eyes, making an impatient motion with his hand. “Just get in the back. I’ll move it up.”
Roderich still felt lost, but he did as ordered, opening up the passenger side door and stepping back outside. He shivered at the abrupt change in temperature, the sun prickling his skin and making him squint at the reflections off the hood of the car. He could see Gilbert leaning over the console and moving his seat up, grabbing something out of the glove compartment before he pulled back.
Fighting another shiver, Roderich ducked into the backseat of the car, where he was joined by Gilbert a moment later. The other had killed the engine and left a crack in the driver’s side window before moving back but there was still a chill to the interior, and in the sudden silence of the car, Roderich could hear every breath between them. He began to look up at the other when, without preamble, Gilbert’s lips met his and Roderich felt himself being pushed back against the seat. A muffled tone of surprise escaped his lips as Gilbert leaned over him, corning him against the door and the cushions.
“Gil-“ he managed to say before hands were gripping at his shoulders, moving to unbutton the first few buttons down his shirt and shove the fabric back so pointed teeth could sink into skin. Roderich tipped his head back and groaned, feeling his body jerk in response and silver hair tickle against his jaw.
Gilbert was unrelenting, his teeth sharp and slicing against sensitive flesh, purple and red marks already beginning to bloom under the surface. Before Roderich could even think about protesting the evidence being left behind so obvious to see, nimble fingers were working at his belt, pulling the Italian leather through the loops and tossing it to somewhere it wouldn’t intrude.
Quick work was made of his pants fastenings and then Roderich felt the ends of his shirt being yanked out from his trousers, the fabric creased and wrinkled from the humidity of the day. Gilbert spoke hardly a word as he worked, his hands rough and impatient and conveying everything that he desired.
Roderich hardly had the breath to feel his head spin, everything fevered [impatience] and short nails digging in. His once clean-pressed trousers were stuffed down to his thighs and Gilbert was already working to hitch the ends of his shirt up his torso.
The car had heated up considerably in the span of Gilbert’s ministrations, the hot air seeming to prevent Roderich’s own breaths from going any further than a few inches from his face. He could feel the sweat already beginning to gather at the back of his neck, the heat of the window glass near his cheek like an oven.
Gilbert shuffled back to turn Roderich around and there was a thunk as something fell to the floor. Roderich didn’t pay it any mind, his own thoughts hot and hazy in his head. He felt himself being moved to face the window, his movements awkward and mindless as he tried to negotiate between the tight space and his half-pulled down clothes.
Heated fingertips pressed at the skin above his hips momentarily before hooking into the fabric of his underwear and pulling the garment down. Roderich mustered enough willpower to make a protesting noise.
“People will see,” he murmured, swiping his tongue over his dry lips. He began to squirm but Gilbert held him fast, the other’s palms burning against his skin.
“What, now you have a conscious?” the other man snorted. “We won’t get caught. Church doesn’t end for another forty minutes and nobody’s shit enough to be out at this time of the day in the middle of a heat wave. We won’t get caught.”
Roderich just shook his head, slow thoughts still warning him against the riskiness of their situation. However, Gilbert didn’t seem to be in the mood for debate and Roderich felt his legs being spread as much as they could on the girth of the seats, his knees sinking into the plush of the cushion. Belt buckles and jean snaps were being quickly unfastened and Roderich felt slicked up fingers pushing eagerly at his entrance. Unlike previous times, the gel was warm, a sticky feeling that made Roderich’s nose crinkle.
Gilbert’s preparation came with little clemency. Roderich winced and tried to adjust his position on the seats without falling off, the palms of his hands already sweating against the fabric. The heat was practically radiating onto his grimacing face, his breaths shuddering against the window.
Finally Gilbert decided his patience was wearing too thin- likely burned away by the heat of the sun- and the cushion sunk and rose as he shifted behind the brunet. Sweaty palms positioned themselves on his hips and then Roderich gasped as he was pulled back abruptly, one hand forced to grip the edge of the seat in order to keep himself from falling off.
Roderich’s glasses began to slip down his nose, jostled by the broken pace Gilbert had set off on. He felt as if he was being jerked and pulled by ropes tied to his limbs, Gilbert’s thrusts erratic and his breaths heavy against the Roderich’s shoulder blades where the other was forced to bend to in order to accommodate the roof of the car.
Dull nails dug into his skin in order to keep their place and Roderich felt the breath leave him every time Gilbert yanked him back to meet his thrusts, his voice nothing more than gasps and breathless half-sobs in the heat. Each movement was push and pull, Roderich being jerked back to meet Gilbert’s fevered skin in one moment and then all but shoved against the door the next. One hand gripped at the plastic moldings of the interior, his fingers curled white-knuckled into the built-in pocket and slipping every time Gilbert moved against him.
With one particularly hard thrust, Roderich found himself lurching forward and his eyes snapped open in panic. He barely caught himself against the door frame, one hand pressed against window despite the ache in his skin as Gilbert continued to pound into him relentlessly.
The other man’s mind seemed just as fever-addled as Roderich’s was, everything a concentration on racing towards completion and the details becoming fuzzy and blurred around the edges. A grunt of effort was the only noise Roderich heard from behind him, besides that of skin on skin, and the sun beating on Roderich’s face through the thick window pane kept his mouth dry and voice hoarse.
His sense of time ran together like drips of sweat and Roderich wasn’t sure if it was mere seconds or minutes before he began to feel the other’s pace change. Gilbert’s hips snapped against his, Roderich’s arms quivering as he braced himself against the door. In the position he was in, little could be done about his own arousal. It embarrassed him greatly to have to finish in front of the other, but it couldn’t be helped and so Roderich gritted his teeth and tried to bear it.
And then, as if hearing his thoughts, an arm suddenly snaked around his waist and Gilbert’s strong fingers were wrapped around his length, slowly pumping at a pace too patient to match the thrust of his hips. Roderich nearly fell off the seat in surprise but Gilbert held him close and teeth and lips nipped at the back of his neck.
A new kind of flush spread across his cheeks and Roderich made an odd sort of protesting sound that his mind knew was half-hearted at best. Gilbert had never done something like that before and it made his stomach flutter and his heart thump thump thump wildly in his chest. His hips seemed to roll so much easier with Gilbert’s movements and before he could even catch up with the need of his body, Roderich was tensing and his hips jerking forward as he came, his voice high and gasping.
Roderich felt the weight shift over his back and Gilbert’s lips pressed against the side of his neck, lingering there for a moment before he rolled in one more thrust and spilled his release, hips moving until finally he stilled.
There was a low ringing in Roderich’s ears. Maybe it was the heat, or the silence of the car, but the gray noise was there as slowly, his vision sharpened and details came into focus once more. Gilbert had shifted back, his weight no longer on top of Roderich’s and Roderich tried not to think of the sensation as being sorely missed. He trained his eyes outside the window instead and peeled his hand from the glass, the palm red and numb to sensation.
Every movement ached, the stiffness already beginning to set into his muscles and the heavy, humid heat of the car soporific. Dimly he realized that he’d slouched against the seat, his pants still tangled between his legs and his shirt just barely keeping him decent.
“Don’t go falling asleep on me now,” he heard Gilbert say somewhere in the far distance. His eyes began to droop closed. “You fall asleep and everyone will see you when they come out of church service in [twenty] minutes.”
The heat that had once felt so suffocating now felt like a warm and comfortable companion as Roderich lay in the car, his head growing heavier and heavier and the seats warm against his bare skin. The silence continued to ring in his ears and finally Roderich let his eyes close.
---
The insistent buzzing of a phone on vibrate was interrupting Roderich’s dream. He scrunched his eyes closed and tried to ignore it, because a phone call meant returning to reality and Roderich was not yet ready to give up the honeyed bliss of his thoughts, the feeling of one arm wrapped loosely around him and the gentle rise and fall of a chest moving like the sea.
Unfortunately, the comfortable weight started to shift and Roderich’s golden yellow began to fade and dull into a dark, heather gray. The dark heather gray of Gilbert’s t-shirt.
Roderich jolted awake once the realization hit him, realizing that he had been sleeping on Gilbert’s chest and that it was the other’s arm looped so comfortably around his side. Gilbert was leaning against the car door, his eyes closed and fanned by pale, stubbly eyelashes. He looked more at peace than Roderich had ever seen him, the other man’s mouth slacked slightly as he slept.
The arm around Roderich tightened briefly when he moved, as if Gilbert was trying to keep him close, and Roderich felt his chest stir. It was hot and heavy in the car, his skin was burning where the midday sun came in through the window and shone on his bare legs, and he couldn’t move without wincing: Roderich wondered if he was Cloud Nine.
His eyes flickered up to Gilbert’s face, watching the silver-haired man as he slept. …if you’re really so unhappy I can help you out. Gilbert’s words had replayed in Roderich mind countless times since that day. At the time Roderich had thought the offer had only been for sex, but what if Gilbert meant more?
I can help you out.
Roderich’s hand curled against Gilbert’s shirt and he worried his lip. It was a fool’s fantasy, he knew, but what if…-
The phone buzzed again and Roderich blinked out of his daydream. Gilbert still hadn’t woken and, curiosity piqued, Roderich shifted himself so he could look over the side of the seat. He realized that the thunk he had heard earlier must have been Gilbert’s phone falling to the floor. The smartphone was lying face-up on the mat, its screen showing a list of notifications. There were two missed calls and a text from the same unidentified number that read-
Before Roderich could fully process what he’d seen, the screen turned black. Without even thinking about what he was doing, Roderich reached down and pressed the first button his finger touched, hoping it would show the same screen as before.
A familiar background highlighted and the notifications were once more visible, the list nearly filling the dimensions of the screen.
Unknown number
3 Missed Calls
Unknown number
i miss u. wanna get fuckin railed. call me?
There wasn’t much, but it felt like a bucket of ice cold water had been poured over Roderich’s head. His fingers jerked away from the phone as if he’d been shocked and his heart was racing at a pace he could feel in his chest. Gilbert’s body shifted under his in response, the other still asleep, and slowly Roderich moved his eyes away from the screen of the phone and back to the other man’s face.
I can help you out.
Suddenly the words had turned sour in his mouth, shriveling and turning to ash where they’d lain. Of course he’d never meant anything, of course he was just another notch in the belt.
Gilbert’s arm tightened around his waist again in the other man’s sleep and Roderich felt as if bile had risen in his throat. Any part of his heart that had once warmed with Gilbert’s presence felt torn apart, dirtied, and trampled upon. There was nothing left in his chest now. And his relationship that meant nothing more than the ring on his finger and the life insurance benefit tucked away in some precious cabinet drawer was another thing gone, another piece of Humpty that Roderich couldn’t put back together no matter how many of the king’s horses and men he had.
He wanted to shout and scream and take an eye for an eye, but most of all he wanted to forget any of it had ever happened, and so Roderich moved from Gilbert’s arms, dressed quietly, and left.
---
Ludwig’s stack of papers had grown since the school year had started, the pile now sitting in two neat columns according to graded and un-graded. The blond had another essay in hand, his red felt-tip pen poised to scribble notes in the margins every few lines.
Roderich’s own papers sat next to him, organized into one messy heap and only a single essay lying in front of him, half-graded and the writing nearly illegible. Ludwig’s red pen was shocking against the white printer paper, the color practically bleeding into it. It seemed to mock him, the color pulsing as if it were alive…-
“Roderich?”
Roderich jerked back when he realized he’d been staring, Ludwig’s pen having stopped writing minutes ago. “Sorry, what?” he said, giving what he hoped was a convincing smile when he looked up.
Ludwig didn’t look convinced. “Is everything all right? You were zoning out again.”
“Was I? I apologize, I did not get very much sleep last night…”
“-Is it Lizzie?” Ludwig cut in, immediately concerned. “Is she giving you trouble with the divorce?”
Roderich waved a hand impatiently, his stomach hardly even dropping at the question. “No, no, of course not, I-…” he trailed off hesitantly, suddenly wishing he hadn’t said anything. Ludwig still didn’t know- nobody did and Roderich preferred to keep it that way. Two months, it had been two months and Roderich was fine. He was-
“Ludwig?” he said after a while.
The blond had gone back to grading papers, though he looked up when Roderich said his name. “Yes?” he replied.
“How…how is Gilbert doing, these days?”
Roderich sucked in a breath and held it under the table, looking away in case the other became too perceptive.
“Gilbert?” Ludwig blinked, looking surprised.
“Gilbert’s fine. Why do you ask?”