Chapter Text
Linke stared at Jan in complete disbelief. The boy had to be joking; there was no way he honestly thought what he was saying had a grain of truth in it. Goddamit, Jan was smart. He wasn't some Realschule drop out, he was a legitimate genius when it came to chemistry and physics. So why was Jan telling him something so preposterous?
"You. Think. Juri's. Pregnant," Linke repeated, frowning at Jan in a way that had the short blonde cringing in place and shoving his hands into his pockets. Linke closed his eyes and pinched himself, hoping when his eyes opened again, Jan would be gone. He wasn't.
"Jan?" Linke asked, closing his eyes again and rubbing his forehead.
"Yeah?"
"Are you on crack?" Linke thundered, grabbing Jan by the shoulders and staring him in the eyes. "One: Juri is a guy; two: Juri has no ovaries and therefore cannot ovulate; and three: why the hell would Juri be the pregnant one and not you?!"
Jan whimpered and looked at the floor.
"I don't have an answer, okay?" he said, his bottom lip pulling down tightly at the sides. "But he's been feeling weird and we were going to go to see a doctor until Timo said something and now we think he's pregnant."
Linke did something he rarely ever did: he walloped Jan upside the head.
"Are you fucking retarded?!" he yelled as Jan clutched his left ear and whimpered. "Males can't get fucking pregnant. It's not possible unless you're a hermaphrodite, who are sterile anyhow, and Juri sure as hell isn't a hermaphrodite unless you and him have been holding out on us and I'm pretty sure you haven't. And why the hell are you listening to Timo?! Did he tell you Juri's pregnant cause if he did I'm going to find that idiot and throw a book at him cause this is ridiculous, Jan! I mean, come on!"
Jan whimpered and cowered under Linke's angry rant. Linke's chest heaved up and down as he stared down at Jan furiously.
"We bought a pregnancy test," Jan mumbled, unable to look at Linke.
Linke's brow furrowed.
"What?" he asked, his rage calming slightly as a growing bewilderment took his place.
"We bought a pregnancy test," Jan repeated, toying with his lip. "And Juri took it and it came out positive."
Linke was silent for a minute as he considered his options. He could either slap Jan and go find Timo to yell at him for managing to brainwash Jan into believing this pregnancy mumbo-jumbo or he could listen to the cracked idea Jan was about to spout out. Linke mentally kicked himself and decided he had caused enough violence for one day.
"You can't always trust those things, Jan. They only work with female urine because of the progesterone and estrogen that enters the urinary tract during pregnancy. It's not possible for a pregnancy test to function using male urine."
Jan looked at Linke like he was the stupid one.
"I had no idea," he said sarcastically, folding his arms over his chest and leaning against the kitchen wall. "I was positive it'd work for Juri, because he's actually a girl at heart. No, Chris," Jan said, changing to his regular voice. "I didn't just get him a pregnancy test out of the blue. Juri's had some symptoms lately that got both of us worried and so we decided to check in the only way we could. He took three tests over two days and all of them came out positive. Now, before you say anything-" Jan glared up at Linke. "David's been going through some changes, too, and that's why I listened to Timo when he said he thought that Juri's going through the same thing David is."
"Timo thinks David is pregnant," Linke said skeptically.
Jan nodded.
"This is not fucking possible," Linke groaned, going to the kitchen table and pulling a chair out. He sat down in it, spreading his legs wide and putting his face in his hands.
"I didn't believe it either at first," Jan offered.
Linke groaned.
"But it kinda makes sense, when you think about it-"
Linke looked up, a cold scowl across his face.
"Shut up, Jan. Just fucking shut up." Jan looked puzzled. "This is some kind of mind game bullshit you and Timo made up, right?" Linke said, his eyes filled with annoyance and barely contained anger. "You two thought it'd be funny to sell me this inane trash?!"
Jan glared right back.
"Oh, yeah, that's exactly what I'm trying to do, Chris. I let you hit me because Timo's going to give me twenty Euro later if you actually believe me because we would so do that."
"You would," Linke muttered.
"Fuck you, Chris," Jan said, pursing his lips. "I come to you with a problem, asking for your help, and you act like this? Just- fuck you."
Jan turned around and walked into the living room and then up the stairs. Linke heard the door slam. He rolled his eyes. Jan thought he was such a good liar, acting all defensive. Linke knew he was just covering his ass after he had failed.
Linke would rub it in little Jan's face later. Juri pregnant? What bullshit.
ØØØ
Timo woke David early and coerced him out of bed in time to make their nine o'clock appointment at the doctor's office. David was barely awake by the time Timo shunted him into Jan's car, Juri and Jan already up and ready to go. No one spoke as Jan drove. The situation was so awkward and unbelievable, made doubly so by the fact that the four of them were more than positive that not only David, but Juri as well, was honestly with child.
Timo was certain the doctor would be so pleased to see them. He was not looking forward to presenting David to a skeptical medical examiner and explaining that his boyfriend was pregnant. Timo had not mentioned over the phone that David was anything other than a woman. God but he hoped this was some weird flu that David had caught and passed on to Juri. Though how Juri of all people would catch a cold from David confused Timo to no end.
"Timo?" David whispered as Jan parked the car. "Will you hold my hand?"
Timo smiled. There was one upside to this situation: David had suddenly decided he needed to touch Timo at all possible times.
Timo got out of the car and took David's hand, helping his lover out. David gave him a small smile as Timo kissed David's cheek and hugged him tightly.
ØØØ
"Mr. Bonk, I am happy to inform you that you are, indeed, in your first trimester of pregnancy," the doctor said, clicking his pen as he scribbled something down on the pad before him. "I'm going to recommend you visit an OBGYN. We have several in the area- I would recommend Dr. Neunaber or Dr. Schmeidt, both of whom have practiced for over thirty years in their profession- who will be happy to assist you. If you have any questions, please contact me at this number-" he scribbled down a number and a name on a piece of prescription paper and handed it to David, who seemed to have swallowed his tongue. "Now, my assistant will escort you out to the waiting area where you can finish signing a few forms."
Timo gaped at the doctor who was too busy putting his pen into his lab coat pocket to pay attention to his patient.
"Wait a minute," Timo snapped. "You wanna give us an explanation, y'know, about how the hell this is even happening?!"
The doctor blinked and adjusted his glasses on his nose.
"I would assume the way any couple becomes pregnant," he said emotionlessly. "You and your partner engaged in unprotected sexual acts and in so doing released sperm into Mr. Bonk's body where a spermatozoon reached a haploid female reproductive cell, an ovum, and then they combined to create a zygote, thus causing impregnation within Mr. Bonk's uterine lining."
The nurse in pink scrubs standing behind the doctor snorted a laugh and quickly hid her grin behind her hand. The doctor seemed not to notice. He glanced down at the beeper attached to his belt and excused himself.
Timo flipped him off as he left. The nurse giggled.
"This isn't fucking funny," Timo growled, wrapping an arm around David and tucking his lover into his side.
"Au contraire," she said, giggling some more. "This is very funny. Doctor Steinweg is exhausted. He's been here since three in the morning and then you come in and he's too tired to help you."
David cocked his head at the nurse.
"Can you explain it to us, then?" he asked.
"I'm sorry, no," she said contritely. "There is no real explanation. You must have functioning ovaries or a uterus within you because that is the only way a human can become pregnant but as to how or why you, a genetic and physical male, became pregnant, I have no answer."
"Has this happened before?" Timo asked.
She scrunched her face up.
"Outside of you and the other couple here today, I don't think so. There was that one American guy last year but he was born a woman and you weren't. I'm sorry; it's a medical mystery."
"Great," Timo muttered.
Juri and Jan seemed equally confused and unhappy when they walked back to the waiting room.
"You preggers?" Timo quipped.
Juri nodded and plopped down in the seat across from them, putting a hand over his face. Jan collected the stack of forms from the nurse at the front desk and sat down next to Juri.
"How exactly do you plan on breaking the news to Linke and Frank?" David asked quietly. "I can't think of anything to say."
"When Linke fucking figures out he's fucking fucked, too, then I'll fucking talk to him," Jan muttered into his forms. He was still pissed at the bassist for snapping on him. Timo did not blame him: all the DJ had tried to do was hint that Linke might be pregnant, too. David had mentioned the possibility to Timo more than a few times after he had noticed that Linke had been behaving strangely for a few weeks.
"We have to tell them," Timo said. "Tonight."
ØØØ
Linke sucked in a harsh breath that made Frank look up. He frowned when he saw Linke clutching his chest in pain. Frank scrambled to his feet and tugged Linke to the couch in the practice room. Linke hissed as he lay back, putting his head in Frank's lap.
"What's wrong?" Frank asked, running his hands through Linke's black hair.
Linke winced and touched himself gingerly over his pecs.
"I think I sprained a muscle somehow. My chest hurts like holy hell," he said, sitting up and wincing even more. "It's really hot. Feel," Linke commanded, taking Frank's hand and pressing it to his chest, flinching when Frank pressed against the hot, swollen flesh.
"You're right. Let's go get you an ice pack," Frank said, getting to his feet.
They went to the kitchen. Linke leaned against the sink as Frank filled a plastic bag with ice. Linke pressed it to his chest and grimaced in pain.
"Can I hug you?" Frank asked.
Their relationship was always rocky and confusing for Frank. At this point, they weren't actually sharing a bed and were basically friends with benefits because Linke had not been feeling like having sex for a while, which was fairly normal for them. One week, Frank would have Linke in his arms, singing him to sleep, and two weeks later they would be barely saying hello when they passed each other on the way to the shower. Linke was in control of every moment, it seemed, and Frank never knew when he would be allowed to touch his sometimes lover.
Linke nodded this time, though, and let Frank wind his arms around Linke from the back. Frank pressed his face into Linke's bony shoulder blades, reveling in the close feel of his Chris. Frank slipped his arms lower around Linke as Linke relaxed into him and paused, confused.
Linke's stomach was hard, really, really hard. Frank moved his hand over the area again and peered up at Linke, who had bit his lip, his eyes downcast.
Frank frowned and pulled Linke's loose shirt up. He studied the taut swell of skin above Linke's hips in surprise.
"Chris…?"
"I don't know, alright?" Linke snapped, pulling his shirt back down irritably. "Maybe I'm getting fat! What's it to you?"
Frank backpedaled mentally. Something was obviously up and had been for awhile considering the way Linke was acting. First his chest hurting, now his stomach lined with the beginning of stretch marks…Frank was not sure what was going on but he wasn't going to let Chris suffer by himself.
"You're not fat, Chris," Frank said, glancing up at his friend with a soft smile that he knew would make Linke melt.
"You're not fat," he repeated, wrapping his hand around Linke's wrist and taking a step forward.
"I don't know what's wrong with me," Linke said, his eyes full of confusion and unhappiness.
"We'll figure it out," Frank said before he kissed Linke on the lips, pressing hard enough to let Linke know that Frank still wanted him. Linke moaned and kissed Frank back, his hand cupping Frank's jaw as their kissing became hotter and filled with needy desire for one another.
Frank hadn't kissed Linke in almost three weeks and he could not deny that he'd missed Linke badly, had wanted him more than he'd ever wanted anyone, and had been forced to stay back and watch his handsome bassist from afar. Now Chris was pressing him back into the side of the refrigerator and Frank was pulling him down further into the kiss, his leg wrapping around Chris' as he tried desperately to share skin with the man, their mouths fusing with wondrous heat and their groins rubbing together in a way that sent sparks through Frank's nervous system.
Linke pulled their lips apart to attack Frank's neck, sucking and biting a light trail down the sensitive skin under Frank's ear.
"God, I missed you," Frank moaned as he tugged at Linke's hair.
Linke snickered and sucked on Frank's neck possessively. Frank gasped as the pressure on his neck sent all the right messages to his already hard cock. He gasped again when Linke's talented fingers worked themselves under his pants to grasp his cock and stroke it with delicate firmness.
Frank tried not to squirm too much. He didn't want to brush against Linke's chest and hurt him when he was already in pain but he had been so strung out without his Chris and the feel of Chris against him was driving Frank over the edge fast. All the masturbation in the world could not compare to sex with one Christian Linke.
Linke's fingernail snatched across Frank's slit and he cried out, bucking into Linke's hand as wetness spurted from him. Linke hissed a soft cry and bit down on Frank's neck, coming as well.
"S-sorry," Frank gasped into Linke's hair.
Linke smiled cockily and pulled his hand out of Frank's jeans. Frank watched him lick the white come from his fingers, sucking on each individual one. Frank panted for a moment as he watched fixedly. Then he grabbed Linke and kissed him like his life depended on it, pouring his built up need and love into that one kiss, too relieved to have Linke in his arms again to be ashamed of the depth of his feelings.
Linke's knees gave out and they slid down to the floor, Linke cuddled into Frank's lap. Frank took care to keep his hands low around Linke's hips so he would not hurt his precious lover, and felt delighted when Linke sighed happily and closed his eyes, falling into a light doze quickly. Frank rarely fell asleep after an orgasm and he was not surprised to be wide awake this time. He stroked Linke's sweat-streaked hair as his lover slept, marveling at how beautiful Linke was.
Frank looked up when he heard the front door open. He sighed as he heard four pairs of feet stamp inside and shook Linke gently. Linke grunted softly and opened his eyes, looking up at Frank from under his dark lashes. Frank smiled and started to stand up, taking a very disheveled Linke with him.
Juri walked into the kitchen in time to see Frank leaning against the refrigerator rubbing his thighs and Linke leaning into him, squinting his eyes at the bright lights of the kitchen.
"Jan's mad at you," he offered as he grabbed a carton of grape juice out of the refrigerator.
"I know," Linke grumbled, rubbing his eyes. "Can you tell him I'm sorry?"
"Considering he was right and you were wrong, it'd probably be better if you told him," Juri said and took a long swallow straight from the carton.
Linke's mouth fell open.
"You're not serious," he said. "You're…?"
"Yep," Juri said, looking bored. "The doctors confirmed it. Me and David."
"You're fucking kidding me," Linke said, collapsing into one of the kitchen chairs. "This isn't possible."
Franky looked from Juri to Linke in utter bewilderment.
"Uh, guys, what's going on?" he asked.
Juri smiled ferally.
"Why don't you ask Chris, since you're screwing him anyway?" Juri said, twisting the top back on the carton and sticking it back in the fridge.
Linke hissed.
"Don't take out your anger on Frank," he snarled. "Because you got shit for luck. It's not his fault."
"I'm not taking anything out on Frank, Chris. It's you I've got a problem with. You have no right to hurt Jan!"
"He was trying to feed me some fucking garbage about you and David-"
"That was completely true!" Juri bellowed.
"I didn't know that! How the hell was I supposed to know that you were- are- are-"
Juri's eyes narrowed into angry slits.
"Say it," he challenged. "Say it because you know it's true and you're in the same fucking situation, and instead of telling us and coming clean with what's happening to you, you've been hiding it and now we're all screwed together. So fucking say it, Chris, because Frank deserves to know."
Linke bit his lip and closed his eyes tightly. Juri glared at him and hollowed his cheeks fiercely.
"Say it."
Linke's nostrils flared in anger. He shook his head and glanced back at Frank. Frank's brows were knitted with worry and pain but even Linke could see underneath the love Frank held for him, the heated desire Frank had shown him an hour before only one part of a vast trove of deeper feelings.
"Say it," David said from the doorway where he leaned against Timo. "We know what you've been going through, Chris, and we'll be there for you no matter what your decision may be but Frank's part of this, too."
Linke glanced from Juri to David to Timo, and even little Jan where he stood uncertainly beside the wall, and shuddered. He turned back to look at Frank and found him already there, right behind him. Linke swallowed and took Frank's hand, looking up into his sweet blue eyes.
"I'm pregnant," he whispered.
ØØØ
Three Weeks Later
"Fucking hell, where the fuck is the fucking goddamn tea?" Linke snarled as he tore through the kitchen cabinets angrily.
"It's not in that one," Frank said mildly, padding along behind Linke in only his boxers and socks.
"You!" Linke snarled, glaring at Frank. "I am going to fucking kill you for impregnating me!"
Frank sighed and rubbed his forehead as Linke stormed through another mood swing. Twenty minutes before they had been curled up in bed together with Linke sniffling and weepy and now the bassist was on a murderous rampage for tea, of all things.
"It's in the other cabinet, Christian," Frank muttered, staying well away from Linke who scowled at him despite the distance.
"What other fucking cabinet?" Linke hissed, looking ready to rip the kitchen apart to find his tea bags.
Frank started the water boiling on the stove before he answered him.
"The one on your left."
Linke growled.
"I already fucking checked that accursed cabinet. The tea's not in there!"
Frank pressed his lips together and tried not to sigh. The day was starting out badly, indeed. He walked over to his lover, steering clear of Linke's actual body- good God, Chris would probably fall to pieces if he touched him right now- and grabbed the box of tea bags from the back.
"See?" he said, smiling reassuringly. "They're right here."
"They weren't there before," Linke grumbled.
He pecked Frank grudgingly on the forehead before snatching the box away and going to the table to sort through it. Franky rubbed a hand over his mouth to hide the smile that was threatening to break through. Chris in a snit amused him to death. Franky was certain that Linke would calm down soon enough and he would be able to coerce his disgruntled bassist into going back to bed for a while.
ØØØ
"Okay, so I have painkillers, heating pads, aspirin, extra pillows, water. I should go to the store, you need-"
"Timo," David said wearily but Timo wasn't listening.
"Baby blankets, bottles, clothes, socks, shoes, more diapers-"
"Timo."
"Pacifiers, baby wipes, baby powder, shampoo-"
"Timo!" David yelled.
"Huh?" Timo said blankly. "Did I forget something?"
"Yeah, me."
Timo's eyes went wide and he began to apologize profusely. He walked over to the chair David was sitting in and took David by the hand, kissing it as he looked up into David's blue eyes.
"Whatever you need me to do, I'm right here for you, Davii, you know that," Timo said, kissing David's hand again.
"Would you…hold me?" David asked, his voice small.
Timo's face broke into a brilliant smile. He scooted David off the chair and pulled his lover back down into his lap, winding warm arms around David. David sighed happily and laid his head against Timo's neck, laying his right hand on Timo's chest.
"We have six months to figure this out, Timo," David said, spinning small circles on Timo's chest. "We don't need to spend every second preparing. Can you, maybe, slow down? I feel like you're so far away, off in your own world and I'm not part of it."
"No, oh no, Davii, sweetheart. I'm right here, just like I've always been," Timo said, tucking a lock of David's tangled black hair behind his ear.
"Good," David whispered, kissing Timo on the cheek. "That's how it should be."
ØØØ
"You need anything?" Jan asked softly, running a hand through Juri's blonde hair. "Timo, Franky, and I are going to the store in a little while."
Juri smiled.
"I'm fine," he whispered. "My stomach hurts a little, though."
"You want me to rub it?" Jan asked.
Juri nodded.
Jan climbed onto the bed and settled down behind Juri, pulling his lover back against him. Juri's smile widened and he leaned back into Jan.
"I'm sorry I got you in this mess," Jan said as he kneaded Juri's stomach.
"It's okay," Juri murmured, his eyes closing with soft pleasure under Jan's touch. "I love you."
Jan kissed the top of Juri's head and wrapped his arms around Juri's shoulders.
"I love you, too," Jan whispered.
ØØØ
Frank and Jan stared at the list in Timo's hands. It was easily three pages long, all in Timo's illegible chicken scratch but to them, it might as well be the Holy Grail of shopping lists. Timo was the only one among them who had a decent knowledge of the things they would need to buy for three infants, though Frank was doubtful over the need for some of the clothes on Timo's master list. What could a baby possibly use mittens for?
Timo had looked at him funnily and had launched into a discussion about fingernail growth in newborns and how the baby could scratch herself (Timo was very confident David was going to have a girl) in the face by accident. Then the baby would cry and scream, and maybe even bleed and so on and so forth, Frank having tuned the rapper out as Jan commandeered the list from Timo and attempted to decipher its contents.
The store attendants had been helpful, however, and the three weren't completely lost in the massive department store they had chosen to begin with. They women helping them had cooed over the pacifiers and strollers and all the assorted baby stuff they apparently needed to have. Franky had nodded so many times at the ladies in bewildered agreement that Timo remarked snidely that he looked like a bobble-head doll. Jan had flat out refused to buy designer baby clothes, insisting that Juri would smack him if he ended up with Baby Phat or Ecko brand, both of which Timo was absolutely besotted with.
They emerged from the department store three hours later, after many, many trips back to Jan's van, loaded with baby products and more gossip about the Turkish girls working in the men's department than anyone had sense to have. After saying their goodbyes to Birgit, Anke, Julia, and Katarine, the three musicians headed home.
ØØØ
David tried not to smile too hard as Timo ecstatically showed him all of the things he, Jan, and Frank had amassed in their afternoon of shopping. David loved seeing Timo so excited, his bright smile taking over and lighting his whole face up. Timo went through bibs and booties and all manner of things David could not think of a use for, asking David what he thought of this swatch of cloth or that bottle.
"You're the best," David said, kissing Timo's cheek.
He was caught unawares when Timo twisted around and grabbed him by the waist, flipping David over his shoulder. David squawked and protested without much success as Timo carried him up to his bedroom.
"Timo, what?" David asked.
Timo grinned and lay David on his narrow bed. He pulled his shirt off and tossed it to the floor before climbing onto the bed and tackling David into the pillows. David laughed and hit Timo on the head, giggling uncontrollably when Timo began to tickle him. David shrieked a laugh and Timo kissed him, catching David's breath in his mouth. David moaned, wrapping his hands over the harsh scruff of Timo's hair as Timo kissed him harder.
Timo undid the button of David's fly and pulled the zip down, revealing tented boxers. Timo smiled and shimmied David's drawers down. He licked the head of David's hard cock, then swallowed David as far as he could. David's eyes fluttered closed. His fingers twisted in Timo's short hair as he begged Timo for more of the sweet, sweet pressure around his aching cock. Timo's lips quirked up at the needy sound of David begging but he kept his lips tight around David and hummed steadily, making David gasp and arch his back. Warm, salty wetness flooded Timo's mouth and he gulped it down swiftly, not wanting the taste to linger.
Timo pulled away with a loud pop and climbed up next to David, pressing a soft kiss to David's lips. David panted, smiling at his best friend for a long moment before he regained his breath. David's smile turned promising as he straddled Timo and rolled his hips in the way Timo loved dearly.
ØØØ
Jan stepped into Juri's room, shutting the door behind him carefully. He had left Juri asleep an hour before to go and get groceries with Timo and Frank, and was not about to wake Juri if he didn't have to. Jan crept to Juri's bed and climbed on. He was careful not to move the mattress under his slight weight but Juri's eyes opened anyways.
"Did I wake you?" Jan asked guiltily as Juri turned on his side and looked up at him.
"I was already awake. I've been awake since you left," Juri said as he wrapped an arm around Jan's small waist and tugged the DJ towards him. "That's better," he mumbled, closing his eyes again.
Jan smiled affectionately at the man he'd decided to share his life with. For so long, Jan had been scared to open up to anyone, even Timo, his closest friend, because he had been scared he would be hurt again.
Years had passed since Dierk, the boy who had taken Jan's heart in his hand and crushed it with his wanton drug use and callous words. They had been together barely a month before Dierk ended their relationship but Dierk had stayed at the edges of Jan's social group, appearing every now and again to soften Jan's heart and rip it open yet again. Jan had never fallen that hard for someone again until Juri. He had kept his guard up around the tall drummer for two and a half years, smiling back when Juri flirted with him but keeping a careful distance.
Juri had made Jan trust again, laying him open with the most intense care and love, refusing to let Jan ignore his feelings for the drummer, refusing to let the chance to be together slip away as Jan would have let it.
So Jan smiled down at his lover with the greatest affection and doting love. He curled up into Juri's familiar chest and laid an arm around Juri's thickened waist, and he slept.